Kind of waiting to see an update on this thread from the OP.
The husbands family asked that she should wait till December...December is long gone.

@OP : violence is never the answer and Let me say this, There are better ways of dealing with a lady than beating her, Some punishment are better felt at the heart that the body.

Efemena_xy:

You left her behind in Naija? She must be really bitter towards you.

No: I am the one that is really bitter, 'cause I deserver better and she knows it, after all God has helped me to do for her.., Lets leave my story and focus on the OP: I don't want any other Arowolo.

I am back abroad, they are in Naija. My son is about 4 years now.

remarry? I don't think I am cut out for that ...Ladies are best when they are friends, when you marry them : They begin their trouble...

@baby123
You can say whatever you want to say the truth remains that a lot of Nigerian Ladies do change when they cross the border.

@pickabeau1:
Seldomly, I have to speak with my son , So I am left with no choice but to call through her phone

I can relate to the Op.
My story: while we were together abroad, she behaved so badly that I almost beat her, The situation was so nasty to the extent that I have once locked her outside the house. She got so many bad friends that advised her wrongly.

Divorce wont favour me out there, I just planned a holiday back to Naija, when we got back home. I called immigration to cancel her visa. I gently moved back and pick up my life again.

Some Nigerian women can be so rude, contentious, unruly and over the board as if they are the only people that sabi book.

Ops: Do whatever that will make you happy, Nobody is in your shoe, No body understand your pain. You only have one life. Live it happily and fulfilling.

Chillisauce: This is the worst punishment that can happen to someone.
Wahala, if it happens to me, God forbid, but I swear, I will pour my blood to see I get back my kids.

I will take my last sweat, gather police and army, arrest the guys immediate family. No one will be left out including his great grand mother.

Let me see how he won't surface.
No body deserves this kind of punishment.

Go try am with some people.. , Them go send you to jail for violating their human right and this action of yours just justified why the man ran away from his life.

on the other side: if you try am with some faliy, then go just kdnapp your people without asking for ransom...

kendraloops: All dis years she's been trying to contact them but no way. She n d hubby's people aren't in good terms so she can't go to them. The man just 'vanished'. The woman had her faults too but I think the man's move was too drastic.

She had her faults too esp divulging personal info abt her hubby to outsiders e.g he doesn't give me this, that, he isn't man enuf n stuff like dat sha. He heard abt it n was furious.

Ops : It is funny when people that commit an offence or did something bad want to determine the size of their punishment

A man/woman can make a choice but nobody can choose the consequences of their choices. Before a man could move out his house with his children, alot must have happened more than the 2 lines you wrote above. It must have take a toll on him. Before he died like that man on M25 , he walked away.

This story reminds me of the lady that married a man that cannot produce sperm. It was a big cover up. an EMOTIONAL FRAUD. Depriving the other of what they suppose to have by covering life of lies and deceit.

The man should go for annulment (Sorry I forgot this is Nigeria where annulment and Divorce is like a plague that you don't mention).

It serves as a lesson to the young ones out there.

OP: I saw you called the husband's family wicked. I beggy stop it else you will make us conclude that you are Birds of the same feather with this morally loose ashewo - runs girlfriend of yours.

^^^
Maka Why u go say thread Closed for such an important information for users out here.

Now that there is a security Flaw on Phone designs, it is advisable for people to stick to their computers when using e-banking

A flaw has been discovered in the security of 500 million mobile phones that could make them vulnerable to attack, cyber researchers have said.
The bug, discovered by German firm Security Research Labs, allows hackers to remotely gain control of and also clone certain mobile SIM cards.
Hackers could use compromised SIMs to commit financial crimes or engage in espionage. The technique will be presented at the Black Hat hacking conference that opens in Las Vegas on July 31.
The UN's Geneva-based International Telecommunications Union , which has reviewed the research, has described it as "hugely significant".
"These findings show us where we could be heading in terms of cybersecurity risks," said ITU secretary general Hamadoun Touré.
He said the agency would notify telecommunications regulators and other government agencies in nearly 200 countries about the potential threat, and also reach out to hundreds of mobile companies, academics and other industry experts.
Karsten Nohl, the chief scientist who led the research team, said the hacking only works on SIMs that use an old encryption technology known as DES.
However, that technology is still used on at least one out of eight SIMs, or a minimum of 500 million phones, according to Mr Nohl.
Once a hacker copies a SIM, it can be used to make calls and send text messages impersonating the owner of the phone, said Mr Nohl, who has a doctorate in computer engineering from the University of Virginia.
"We become the SIM card. We can do anything the normal phone users can do," he said. "If you have a MasterCard number or PayPal data on the phone, we get that too."
He said mobile users in Africa could be among the most at risk because banking is widely done through mobile payment systems with credentials stored on SIMs.
A spokeswoman for the GSMA, which represents nearly 800 mobile operators worldwide, said it had also reviewed the research.
"We have been able to consider the implications and provide guidance to those network operators and SIM vendors that may be impacted," said GSMA spokeswoman Claire Cranton.


http://uk.news.yahoo.com/mobile-phone-flaw-opens-500m-sims-hackers-144821618.html#9K6xZHf

Caracta: Men and insecurities. What's wrong in confronting her about the issue and settling things in a mature way? Divorce her na. Then marry another liar and divorce that one too. By the time you marry 17 women, your eye go clear.

Btw, you can divorce her if you have NEVER lied to her. I mean NEVER. Either a simple or minute lie. If you have never lied, then....

Another thread to justify Deceit and Lies in Marriage that is suppose too be based on Trust...

Watching this thread..

biolabee: ^^^kind.way on point!!

I dey gbadun your posts

unrelated, @Seun can we get a thumbs up smiley

@bellong... excellent post
May your union continually be blessed
You truly are a man of faith....

^^^^^
Thanks, I have been off NL for sometime because of some people that derive pleasure in attacking posts (sometimes it gets to me) but seeing this Ops position, I decided to log in again and put my own 1 Bututs (kobo).

I have been through (may be still going through) emotional fraud so I can relate with the Ops and Nobody should go through this in life especially in marriage (life long relationship).

Tgirl4real:

I am certainly not doing that. I hope you followed the thread from the beginning.

Of Course I followed and I am still following the thread. You can read my previous comments.

If this man's condition happened after they tied the knot sincerely, The Lady will have to carry the Cross, But she was Deceived into it. she got to know after the ceremony. Does she have to live the rest of her 60+ years in abject sorrow and dejection because she was lied to?

For people quoting scriptures? How many of them ended up marrying the guy that dis-virgin-ed them? But looking closely at the book of Exodus: they are suppose to end up with the man.

When Scriptures says: Marriage is honorable with the BED undefiled? How many people here observed that.

While we are yet SINNERS... CHRIST DIED FOR US especially me. I am product of HIS saving grace..

Tgirl4real:

U sure know that u can be barren as a Christian and we have such examples in the bible and God answered their cry. We also see an instance where God shut someone's womb. You are mis-quoting that scripture.

Now, back to my question, you are mixing it up...if you discover you can't conceive due to some medical condition or a habit or just naturally, what would you do?

If the OPs knows and hide such conditions from suitors, then it a sin, A share wickedness, and emotional FRAUD, a Deceit of the highest order.

Marriage should be based on Trust : "AND THEY WERE BOTH NAKED AND WERE NOT ASHAMED"

Tgirl4real:

Sorry Ayans, I don't wanna sound insensitive over this child issue...

What if you were barren/infertile, what will you do?

^^^
The truth covers a lot of SIN: A simple conversation about it while dating would have help, tell the other partner , He can't father a child now and if it is okay by the her, they will accept and do it together than to deceive others and wreck their hope of having their own kids. Its nothing but wickedness of the highest order.

The same thing goes for the Lady: (look into SIENA's example) he is ready to go ahead if the lady is willing to adopt a child.

It's a SHAME that a lot of people are defending/justifying deception here on religious ground.

On a serious Note, I mean all Jokes apart: My heart goes to the Ops:

I have read a lot of comments here and I have this to say:

a. Is it the man's fault that he was born with un-descended testis ? NO
b. Is it his fault that the Operation was done late ? NO
c. Has he done enough medically to ensure his infertility conditions are treated? UNSURE

d: Is is the LADY's fault to marry a man that covered his inadequacy ? NO
e: Must she continue carry a burden of the predicament because of a 2 hours religious marriage ceremony that is based on deceit in the first instance: ?

PUT yourself in her shoe: walk a mile in those shoe and see how much pain it brings.

A SIMPLE truth from this MAN would have saved the OPS traumatized emotional state:

Do unto others as you want to be do to you.

Show her some of this videos may be her senses go come down.

^^^
you know : Like Buy One GET one Free

biolabee:

I think you mean Rachel

Rachel: Thanks I have modified the POST.

Ihedinobi: If we're talking according to Christianity here at all, the op has no grounds for a divorce. T[b]he fact that she was deceived into this covenant is not sufficient for a divorce.[/b] If she chooses to get one, it is contrary to the Faith she professes. So, you can only proceed with a divorce by excluding your faith, ma'am.
^^^
WRONG: The fact that she was deceived is an enough reason to ANNUL the covenant: Jacob was deceived to marry Leah, He insisted that it is a FRAUD, I ain't gonna settle for LESS, I know what I want, Give me RACHEL, he later married RACHEL.

For those who a saying that Divorce is ungodly: She is not getting divorce, she is seeking for ANNULMENT of the marriage based on deceit and lack of Trust:

even if she want a divorce, She just got another ground as this man is into another lady according to the ops:

My 1 bututs.

intbizoil: I have discovered we answer christians by mouth only but no action. Op where is your faith? Are you going to believe the doctor's report or God's report? Many people will jump at this story because it supports their stance on pre marital sex. Whether you like it or not God's standard doesn't change. Pre marital sex is sin QED. Have you heard of couples who stayed years without any issue? Are there condition any better than yours? And what is their story now if not babies all the way. Who do you think gives children. I don't know why Christians treat their issues carnally and not from a spiritual perspective. Granted your hubby lied but I can assure you this is a true test of faith, that you need to overcome to get God's blessing. Op you might be the next testimony. However, your decision to make. As for me I have made my point. One thing I know is this God is always faithful.

@intbizoil, I am a Christian and please do not Tempt God. Stop questioning the OP that where is her faith? let's ask< if the husband want to claim to be a good Christian which I doubt he is, Why did he cover his infertility with lies? up to the extent that the priest ask Did you know of any reason why they should not be joined together. Do Good Christian lie or decieve others even taking marriage oath with a baggage of lie and deceit...the same thing goes for ladies that are not virgin and lied that they are so they can get married.

Deceits, Lies, Cover ups are not justifiable in marriage and it is not a test of faith, Tell me any instance in the scripture where lie has been justified as a test of faith? Stop preaching Heresy, If the op says God told her to go ahead and marry the guy if the guy has come clean with his health status way before the marriage, It is a different case.

Pre marital sex is a sin so is lie and deceit like you said God standard does not change.

The whole marriage was based on deceit hence it is a marital fraud: You have been swindled by this man.
If I am you (fortunate I am not): Seek the annulment of the marriage, It might be difficult because he might claim he told you before agreeing to marrying him.
2: Move out of his vicinity and the area:
3: Take time off to heal, to begin again, do not rush into other relationships as there might be worse men out there.
4: I wish you the best of life.

We only live this life once and at the end it's not how many years we have used in life that mattes, it is how much of live we have in those years.

For those who are saying its for better for worse: Please put yourself in her shoe:
For those who are saying Test before you marry: The man is sterile he is not just fertile, He can perform but cannot produce... that is the difference.

Baba Oyo.
Has it ever occur to you that OYO, FOLA and Fola's mum might be reading this posts. I bet even if they are not reading it now somebody will show them this posts in the nearest future.

It might turn to be a good idea to keep the real names of the people involved off the screen.

Who says you cant have se.x after fasting. U guys breaks the fast by 6.00 then aftyer meal.. you are his next target to break ....

What is all this fasting without sex for married couple... I beggy go do the do after breaking your fast Jare...

DO you want the hack the system, Your question is really suspicious...

Location please?

How Black Women SHOULD Treat Black Men

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prG-n5fNQHo

I stumbled on this and found it inspiring

Scared, very scared I am, afraid? Yes I am very afraid. What of if she has not changed has she has promised.
Some of her last word before departing mid last year. " I never loved you, I married you because of my parent and because I do not know how to tell you that I have no feelings for you after everything you have been doing for me". Since that day my heart has been cold, zeroed out love, Never felt anything than enjoying being me the peace of mind that I got.

Her words about 3 months ago. "I went to your school, your hostel where it all started, I busted into crying as soon as I saw the place, remembering everything that happened in the hostel, I am sooo sorry,You really loved me, you have shown true love and you took care of us, I know I have taken that genuine love for granted but I promise that if you give me the chance again, I would right my wrongs and will be that wife that makes you happy" ---culled my my voicemessage.

The feeling of love do give inner strength to face anything but in my case, It is not just there. something is really holding me down, I am not sure may be it is the bitterness from the prevous experience or My inner man-----I cannot discern.

I am not whining, It just that I feel safe to talk to the anonymous people here than talking to the people around that could mock you or backbite tomorrow.

Thank you all.

^^^^
I have stated it several times, there is nothing, I mean absolutely nothing between me and the teddy bear girl, She used to be a friend and i have even created big gap in between us.

Outstrip,CC,Probity100:


Thanks a lot for the advice,

Nobody is perfect, No one including my good-self, I realised my wrongs, may be I should have done a lot in a different way instead of giving up. May be I should have let the love side win instead of turning on the beasty side and rage back. May be more patience would have made a lot of difference than reaching a breaking point.

Her coming back depends on a lot of things to me, Her VISA was revoked when she left, which means I have to get a good lawyer to proof hat the relationship is back, pay for the fees and co, Do I really want to spend that much on her again in my life (Just thinking aloud).

chaircover:



You were both immature in the way you handled things but there is still another chance to make amends. Not everyone gets a second chance. Your wife has asked for forgiveness and wants to come back. She has had time to reflect on things and has cone to realize that you weren't  so bad after all. We all take things differently and I can understand that you are still smarting from her previous attitude and behavior, but[b] if she has indeed changed[/b], then you have the rest of your lives to live together in peace which By the Grace of God will be a lot many more years than the bad years that you both went through.

The Bold part above is my fear, What of if she has not changed 'cause I remembered that she has made such promise before we got married when I insisted we are breaking up  then, she only changed for some couple of months before bringing her nature back.

Her response to my fear is Outstrip comment below that she wont mind staying in a different place for her to convince me that she has truly changed.

Outstrip:

This truly breaks my heart. I agree that there is nothing like peace of mind. This is what I think though. Don't make any promises to here but maybe just maybe if you let her back in with time you can forgive her and love her again. What if she comes back to the states and you guys maintain separate households for a while. I can almost feel your hurt and to be honest trust is sooooooooooo important to someone like me that I can understand why it could be hard to accept her back. Think about this very hard. Maybe you could give her a chance but still protect yourself and you child too. Don't give the child false hope

@jennykandy
If there is one thing, I have learnt, "Never respond to every word a woman say" yOu are entitled to your opinion but these I know: There has been no woman, no sex for the past year, Guys around me has tried all sort, took me to clubs, took me to parties, introduce "friends" but see there is more to life than woman thingy.

I don't just believe in love again, no feeling whatsoever is there. i dont believe in self-sacrificing for any: i t does not worth it . By the way ladies are best when they are just friends.