MizMyColi:
Kitme, please put the OP in quote.

Our mentions will burst if this gets to FP

lmao
how do I do that??
is it something like this? or what's the code?
[quote][\quote]

Truckpusher:
He will hit her again, mark my words and I'm sure she must have seen the red flags but choose to ignore like everyone of us does simply because we fail to see them through that eye after all they are the love of our life.

I once told my girlfriend that the day she would show any sign of aggressiveness towards me deserved or undeserved or push me to the edge that would make want to hit her, then the relationship is over for good.

Everything can be talked about no matter the level of your anger and vexation or you can simply walk away for the moment - In fact any form of verbal abuse is a red flag and I will not condone such from any person and I expect the opposite sex to do the same.

Thank you!!

Hannysmilez:

wow...I just pray you would meet ur match. But ehn,just thank God u're nt my husband.

MizMyColi:


*lets out a deep breath*

She alone knows this guy better than we all do.
While I would warn her that chances are that he will turn her into a punching bag should they get married (especially if at this stage, he is not making any visible sign of changing for better)....It would be a tad unrealistic of me to urge her to leave him, especially seeing as it's a growing mentality among our ladies of today that Husbands are scarce and half loaf is better than puff-puff.


Help me ask your friend this question.
What do you want in your intimate relationship and how far are you willing to go to get it?

What are the basics to you?

Can you honestly live with an abusive person?Can you take it if tomorrow he turns out to be someone who shows no respect for your dignity and womanhood?

Kit, I know you might be expecting a straight up answer from me...but I've learnt to handle issues of relationships with diplomacy and tact.

What if he truly regrets his actions and has resolved never ever to hit a woman in his life again?

What if that's the kind of person he has always been? Is there a chance that he has always shown wife beating tendencies?


Please don't dismiss the fears of your friend, they are genuine.

I don't know about her o.

But if I were in her shoes....I would put things on hold and think things through first.
I will.

If I decide to marry him after that, I want to be sure that I wasn't pressured into doing so because I was under pressure of how far the wedding preparations have gotten or what people might think.

I think what matters above all is that it's her life and her choice, whatever she makes of it is her responsibility.
As long as her decision gives her a sense of peace and quiet, I as her friend would definitely support

Truly, you're a limited edition.
I couldn't give her a straight answer too, because
1) I wasn't there when it happens
2)I don't know how condescending she sounded during the conversation

Thanks for your advice,

mayorkyzo:
Hmm you wannna marry someone and don't know he has temper issues..he would change doh..cant cancel a wedding cos of one slap else there would be no couples in nigeria...

the thing is I wasn't there when it happened, I don't know how aggressive she was then
Thanks for your input

FrancisTony:
To the extent of having a blurry vision and swollen face, I don't think she should continue with the wedding..

If he really has an anger issue, she should ask him how many times he has beaten his mum or dad, boss, sisters/brothers, randomn peeps et al when they annoyed him & if the answer is NO, she should know the he has zero respect for her and she shouldn't marry that kind of a guy.

Thanks for the advice!
I personally can't go on with the wedding.
But I don't wanna be a buzzkill or killjoy
I want her to hear it from other people.

An online friend sent this

He hit me few weeks to our wedding after an heated argument, my vision was blurry, my face swollen and immediately he did apologise and took me to the hospital.

He claimed he has anger issues and bad temper.

Should I continue with the wedding??
Won't I suffer future bruises?
Can he change for good??
What do you think, Kit??

Cc: Lalasticlala, Mizmycoli, FrancisTony, Cococandy, Truckpusher.

Please let's advice her!!
Cc: Lalasticlala
Mizmycoli, cococandy, francisTony

HireKiller:


Even if you plan to wait until you get married before sex, it is common sense to check the body parts of your marriage partner before getting married to them.

What foolishness would make someone get married to a man when they haven't even confirm that the man has a d!ck. And for the man what if the female in question is actually a transgendered.
You must at least confirm the condition of their body parts before marriage even if you aint going to have sex with them.

This is damn funny.

Cute...
But he should go and marry, time is not on his side, because I'm sure if it were to be Rita or Genny or Linda Ikeji, Y'all will remind them of their single status

*

Have you called your mum in the past two days??
Are you still holding grudges with her??
Have you told her how much you love her??
Do it now! Hug her if she's near, pick your phone and call her now
Let her know you love her to the moon and back.
Do it and don't let this be your portion.

kazmanbanjoko:
Wizkid na my boy. He was my junior in school dos days. See him now dey snap picshure anyhow.

Truckpusher:
Well, You got it all wrong my dear, sorry.

Really??
You can as well educate me, I don't mind, learning is a daily process

tivta:
See feminist oh, so if you were a bastard you would be happy? Have never seem such a selfish generation, women trying to fight nature, you better move to the west and stop trying to change our tradition. Seems most of the women supporting single ladies come from broken homes cause if they had parents that have been married over 50 years blissfully, they would be eager to get married.
As for the seed sowing, I believe all forms of seed sowing should be avoided, it is just another Avenue for pastors to make money. God, it is true that the world is coming to an end. Women saying that the don't need a man where as the bible says go fort and multiple, (I know some feminist will say the world is already congested) I weep...

*sighs
No one is trying to change tradition, but a single lady shouldn't be coerced or ridiculed into marriage when she hasn't met 'the one'. It's her life, She's an adult, and that at such, the decisions of her life should be made only by her.
He maketh everything good in his own time.

Truckpusher:
You forgot to tell her that it doesn't work for everybody and also tell her that while doing it, wisdom should be applied.

Also tell her that the same society can't be totally ignored after all you're a part of that society and must have consciously and unconsciously subscribed to the same ideology as result of your immediate existence in the same society.

You can't avoid these factors ,would you ?

This is partially directed at me, right??
Agreed! One can't fully scrapped out the society's opinions and ideologies, but it has limits, just like every other thing in life.
If their opinions would subject me to ever-lasting unhappiness and sadness, I would gladly shut them out.
My happiness toppled the list of any opinion.
Everyone has been given the freedom of speech, some opinions are meant to be discarded like tissues.
If you keep on determining your life based on others opinions, you have a long way to go.
Needless to say, you would be the one to face the consequences of your actions and inactions, and not some bickering society.

MizMyColi:


We live in a society that harps a lot on stereotypes.

Because everyone goes to church seeking for husbands, then that must be the situation of everyone.
What you have chosen to be oblivious of is that there are a few out there who have chosen to go against the stereotype...of course, Rome wasn't built in a day, but people are beginning to take their lives and destinies in their hands. They are learning to live in the now, they are no more susceptible to the whims and caprices of memories and anticipation.



I ask you....If I were someone close to you, would you advise me to get married to someone who thinks he's doing me a favour?

I think that when people everywhere begin to realize that come what may, everyone will always have their opinion, the better.

The onus lies on you and I as the subject of discussion to realize that people's affirmation of us is WELCOME, but NOT NEEDED.

I was on a thread where people were bashing Linda for being unmarried....agree or not, people who curse others based on their life sutuations are equally miserable people who are merely projecting their insecurities and perceived flaws on others.
When you realise this truth, you will become less and less bothered of what they say or do.

And just so you know....this is my default mindset. It's a truth and reality that has become deeply rooted in me and I am thankful.


People should stop feeding their pain and learn to walk away from negativity of every kind.
#Emancipation

Hey Miz
I couldn't have said it better.
For a while now,The society has prided herself as the yardstick for measuring one's self-worth.
Suffice to say, if you think you're living your life rightly, the way it pleases you, and the society think otherwise, THEIR OPINION shouldn't determine your worth.
The society had done more harm than good, we can't rule that out yet.
Many are in some kind of forced marriage, just to please the society, oblivious that their happiness is their life, they suffer both emotional and physical pain.
When desperation creeps it and it's so glaring even to the men,, Men see that as an edge, they expect such ladies to be their slaves that they can tossed around as they please.
Also, Many are with their abusive partner and can't just get out, Because of the damn society.
However, when the going gets tough, they won't proffer any solutions, instead the victim would be subjected to unending mockery.

I love strong women like you.