₦airaland Forum

Logicalmind1:
3.8? That's a weak 2.1 - 2nd class upper.
Why bragging about it?

3.80 not 3.,8

Tobiee:
i wasnt preaching.. I was just stating a fact, u didnt have to bring in parents, to diss some1. Now .f.uck. yourself nd please dont quote me,

.
Your fingers definitely react to stimuli faster than your brain does, cos your brain could only process that information fully and cone to terms with your nervous and body system that your fingers just typed a truckload of swill 5 minutes after your itchy fingers typed it

If that is too labyrinthine for you to comprehend then here is a version put simplistically:- It means Merry Christmas and a Happy new year"

such a tool

.

iAmCharis:
Kradleber a.k.a Darkrebel666 a.k.a Thedarkrebel whose real name is Michael, a student of Fine and applied arts, Unilag! Go bath and go to school. You got some drawings to do. Stop wasting your parents money on nairaland.
I'm done with you. It's disparaging to keep exchanging words online with a teenager.

The darkrebel used to be a student of Unilag and he has graduated with a flawless 3.80 g.p, also on course to study Law in either the prestigious Oxford or Cambridge.

Meanwhile this obese and obsessed fan called charis is a dead beat dad that works as a gateman in government house, Alausa.

There's a Brobdingnagian gap between us and we aren't in the same social strata.

bye

Tobiee:
insulting someone's dad.. Childish and foolish

Please keep quiet peasant and stop preaching here.

I'm a respecter of nobody...

when they are cornered and beaten they start crying about how childish parental disses are.

Shut the heaven up already and go gut yourself with a chainsaw if my profanity sh1ts on your religion.

iAmCharis:
You're not even worth it. Go take your bath and go to school. You're late for lectures.
Silly teenager.

hehe .. neither are you.
school? Lmfao

Please jump out of your delusional state slubberdegullion
It won't cost me much to alleviate you and your family from poverty. .

iAmCharis:
You've forgotten so soon your duel with dandrown moniker or something like that where you confirmed it yourself that you're 19?? Or you want me to dig up the comments?? As regards the eye boys rant, Truckpusher wasn't the first guy you made that threat to. You see how silly you are?? Why will you reply me when you're scared of more humiliation? Foolish he-goat.

Whatever details i give about my personal life is not entirely accurate. How can I put my age on a public forum. If i tell anyone I'm 50, you can go hang yourself if its a kryptonite to you.
I don't owe idiosyncratic oafs like you any info about me..

Danbrownmf and I had a duel?

Did you smoke your Father's Public hairs last night?

iAmCharis:
[s] Shut your dirty mouth there you cretin. See thjs 19 years old small boy coming online to type rubbish. And to think that I didn't even make an ugly comment about you. You must have been so scared when you saw your name. Courage to mention you properly?? Humour me!! Seems you're suffering from amnesia. Go check your mentions and see how many times I've mentioned you if you can count. You're a very big fool. Lest I forget, I know the last thing you'll rant about is sending a brown envelope to some eye boys. Just say that and I'll come beat your silly asss up right there inside your school and wait for someone to come rescue you. Maybe I wouldn't cos you're not of age yet. I wouldn't anybody accusing me of beating a
teenager to stupor. Remind me when you're 20. _Idiot!! [/s]

Who is 19?
You need to dutifully get rid of the tape worms that have succeeded in inhabiting your Oblongata before you become a total nut case.. 19 indeed

Eye boys ? Lol ..you are the perfect fusion of Insipidity and ludicrousness. Even Trushpusher detected that that was just an empty threat.

stay mute and stop trying to be relevant. .I can't find you in my mentions cos I don't even know you exist, yet you seem to know all my chat history and keep track of all my actions...
Are you a Stan?
who are you ? Summarise yourself in 3 paragraphs.
I swear I never knew i had a ardent and silent supporter You must feel so pained that I didn't even notice you.

If i placed you under the world's strongest electronic microscope, I still wouldn't be able to magnify the smallest droplet of sense in your post and saturated existence...

Expect no more replies from me Lilliputian.
.Learn how to write coherently first before ever quoting me.

Big lipped Rhinoceros

jacksparrow1207:
Epistle of a pained _sissy. you need my attention? It doesn't come cheap. You'd need 3 more of this open letter.

Tell your doll faced boss I'm over her and on to the next. Let her get over me

I'm sorry to say but your dad is the doll-faced boss here.

He should have stored his s€men in an Anambra spërm bank instead of allowing it to flagellate & fertilise an ovum that has cyst on it...

Now Nairaland has to suffer painfully for the mistake a stup1d bald man with yeast infection made couple of years ago.

That awkward moment when you see Rokiatu dissing in 600 words .

That awkward moment when a 30+ single woman with earnings from a dayjob that my monthly recharge card spendings alone is quadruple times over calls you her fan..

Give yourself a brain-setting slap and purchase a gyrocompass, cos your life ain't got a definite direction.
They don use your picture do ritual for your village.

Chiam55:
Billy no mates tried lol

Go to bed hamster. You've been online since yesterday's morning.

Joblessness is indeed a biatch. Don't ask why I'm awake, cos I'm actually free today.

Chiam55:
Every now and again I slip and exchange words with lil boys with mummy issues! From when you can sit there and type up a 300wrd essay then your a he-biitch. The world is upside down when a woman is lost for words. I give up so little boys composite for your lack and look for validation amongst strangers. My dog has bigger balls than those two male bbitches put together. Small man syndrome is real exhibits A&B above me.

How did you know your dog has larger balls?
I never knew you were into Bestiality too
Cocaine addiction has successfully turned a once innocent Somalian girl into an Arkham Asylum case.

Please you need to be exorcised of the demons in you.

jacksparrow1207:
You lot make me laugh. The last time I checked, chiam55 was somewhere in Cardiff

At least I'm a living witness to her existence

Oh my gosh, I swear on Jupiter's c0ck that you are such a Simpl€ton.
He was obviously joking and you phony gang of stuffed Barbie voodoo dolls still couldn't figure that out..

What's funnier was when chiam had to state that youknowwho sent her a pack of whatever.
Such a childish act that screams prepubescence.
I wonder how a fully grown woman can be so weak and get easily played and manipulated by every scum, prick and Fanny.
She needs to book a session in Lala therapy thread.

anyway,this for you wickity wack jack-ass-shallow-mushroom.

I got to announce it officially that you are a consummate disgrace to all the possessors of the male reproductive organ.
You are so effeminately designed to the point that when you gossip with girls we almost start to think that you've grown a Vag1na overnight. How can a 30+ man be ovulating so shamelessly on a public forum?

Same way you couldn't deduce my identity earlier and you stated barking aimlessly like a writhing Sergeant Slaughter, and instead of apologising humbly when you realised you were wrong, you were spewing utter tomfoolery. Has your not so efficient I.Q unfortunately run out of digits?


No one as retard£d to this extent can secure a white collar job in England.. please tell us what you really do and where you work? Behinamas? McDonald's? as a school bus driver?
I've never seen a greater amount of retardness embodied in a single human vessel.

While I'm at work like a real man, you can keep gossiping about nail-polishing or hair-fixing with bored and sex-starved cougars 24/7.
I can bet a bottom dollar that you even wear brassieres and pusssy liquid absolvent maxi-pads I'll catch you later wrinkled impotent daughter of a shaven impala

Take note, I called you "Daughter"

Truckpusher:
Occasionally it does happen sometimes on the first take but the probability of it occurring very often is quite low .Though his own case might just be an exceptional case , never say never bro.

On the first take? wow! I can imagine how hard the person must be trying to repress the feeling of wanting to explode.
That's as difficult as a hungry chef frying plantain-chips for one hour yet resisting the urge of munching even a single piece till the cooking is completed.
I read an article long time ago that said fixating your mind on a different thing/scenario entirely would distract you and make one last longer ( on the first take)
I'm not in support of that article because I'm meant to be fully involved and plugged into the heavenly moment at that period, yet I'm to deprive myself of that enjoyability and connection just because I want to keep my thrusting action going for 24 hours like Jack Bauer
10 well enjoyed minutes is worth three times more than 1 hour of sweating profusely, unnecessary back aches and little to zero enjoyment...

I'd rather last 10 mins first round then begin a ruthless marathon copulation after that.

TheSonOfMark:

January last year, a certain female in my hood with whom I was conversing with on Whatsapp switched the topic to sex and when I admitted to going beyond an hour, she smirked.
Days later, we tumbled beneath my sheets. She kept saying after that" how is it possible? What have you been taking". Ofcourse she later confirmed that it is natural.



The secret is training one's self to control the urge to ejåculåte'. You know that muscle you use to control the flow of urine even in midstream? That's the muscle one should train to control ejaculàtìon.
One should also reduced the pace of one's thrusts for some seconds when the urge mounts. The urge is transient. WITH TIME AND PRACTISE YOU WOULDN'T EVEN NEED TO SLOW DOWN.

Bros. . abeg nobody can last up to one hour on the first take Stop pepper-souping us with zobo.

When you've had the first €jaculation, you can even go as long as 1:30 mins but not before that.
Point is - no one can last up to 1 hour before his first release unless he had jerked off before the girl came

missclasssy:
[color=#000050]Thesonofmark. It's now obvious that you are a deranged fool. You are obviously mentally _retarded. For real, no kidding.
You think you can just go about this section talking ill about anybody you feel like.
What the hell is your fvcking problem?

Chiam55/dimples192(which she deactivated) is not an impersonator or any rubbish that you are calling her out to be.

She is Somalian and was born in Somalia but moved to the UK when she was young.
She has never stated that she is Ethopian, neither has she ever said that she is Nigerian.
The only time she said anything about her nationality is when she officially stated on wristwatch's interview thread that was Somalian.
She found Nairaland through google. She is not chiamaka or whatever.

Haven't you heard her voice note? Didn't you hear her accent you _idiot.
Why are you this foolish? Why are you so obsessed with frustrating ladies on this forum.
Are you sick?

Chiam55 is not even a Nigerian, but she chats with Nigerians like she is one of them.
Is this how you treat foreigners? Can't you use your depleted senses for once.
[/color]

why are you wailing more than the bereaved? .and what's with this ostentatious and pretentious affection you are exhibiting for someone who don't even give a roundhouse or bicycle-kick fu¢k about you.?
where's your pride and self-dignity?
Your unnecessary vitriolic outbursts keeps validating your estrogenicity. You need a massive P€nis in your life!.

Besides,what sonofthemark did is exactly what Dimple did to you some months back.
If you have a flawless retentive memory then you'd recall that she and lala were repeatedly telling me and whoever cared to listen that you're a male disguising with a female account, and now nemesis caught up with her and you're acting like your pubic hairs were forcefully detached from your private part..

treat foreigners? yet the same foreigner defamed you few months ago?
ohh you must really think she's your superior and colonial master cos she's not a native.. Balderdash

we know sonofthemark is only joking ... so don't be such a redneck hill billy ...

Chiam is too emotional and weak to even engage in a duel.

This is outright bully beating .. K.O

Tashaamania:
The world isnt coming to an end soon. It's already tommorrow in Australia..

Santa Claus had the smartest idea - Visit people only once a year

I like the first one.
but y'all should try posting things related to romance and relationships ...

Nneka123:
nice!

I'm coming with mine

okay..patiently anticipating..


I'm coming with another truckload myself...

Limerick:
Coogar would lead that ffool to his Grave

Keep logging into your multiple accounts to like your own comments, shows how miserable you really are.
such a repulsive 2 day old human excrement ...
No matter what you say or how hard you train or deride, you can never be a better rapper than Shawarma..

Your last wack audio is indubitable proof of your lyrical sterility and insipidity..
the earlier you accept I'm your superior, the better for your lifespan .
flaccid dolt can't even pronounce his name properly...

SDC2:
darkrebel of course, who else - that kid would kill himself before his time trying to be like you.

keep my name out of your filthy mouth .mutant.
Do I know you .?..get those ring worms surgically removed from your head ASAP. They are seriously hindering the waves of common sense from flowing freely in your cerebrum.

coogar:
for real?
i remember the tool promising never to quote me again. when nuccas can't even keep to their words, what else can i say?

where's FYH?
i am ready to battle him.

Please calm down gator.
Anyone acquainted with me knows I don't keep beefs for long... stup1d beefs especially over Eminem that doesn't even know we exist..
Promising to never quote you? hehe the laughableness of that statement is so sensational to my ribs... That was just a long and one time tirade and vitriol..
Yolo ... I even put a smiley to show I was only teasing you before you erupted like a volcano...

danbrowndmf:
I suspected u were darkrebel666 thats why i said i wnt text battle and nt audio.lols no wonder u ask me to go read ur battle with limerickkk...i prefer the last one u killed Giyazzz though...
so u wan battle me. u be thief o.






i knew the giyazzz was lien,that was the reason why i mentioned ur moniker so u can see it.



been a while bro,where have you been.



u saw the hype i gave u earlier on na.

Busy like hell. Just using this account to help tohpaz campaign... what's up?

Borussia
Naijaboiy
cherryice
sinizia
dechandel
Nneka123
Ireneony
Ipledge
Tashaamania
Victoriabee
Sonofthemark
wristwatch
chiam55
missclasssy
truckpusher
Rokiatu
Mhizkel
Lala247
Danbrownmf
2dice
Marieolae
Mznelly
Mzlaurel
Tohpahz
ronald4lif
twaci
lurlah2014



couldn't tag all.... y'all check this out ..

Medunah:
when i see your face, there is not a thing i would like to change........except the direction am walking in

Lol...good one

feran14:
dirty jokes on fp? I think not

Okay..corrected..

danbrowndmf:
u beat Darkrebel666? Can i have the link bro...



Tnx...

G3n3sis:
Stop lying. Show evidence

Giyazz is a paranoid and effeminate leprechaun.

I beat the litlun 4 times here..both in text and audio, even in a topical brawl.

The Toybean dude he battled was my friend on Facebook that I invited. The toybean dude uses 2 syllabic rhymes and his style is no way similar to mine.. Giyaz is only clueless and awed by my penmanship that anyone he battles is automatically me. That's how much influence I have on pathetic his life now. He's still a prepubescent gay virgin .

So don't mind that cretinous Buffon.. he's just overly pained, plus the merciless beatings I gave him on 4 different occasions are hallucinogenic. That's why he keeps seeing me where I'm not.

Pay him zero attention ..To crown it all,he's a wack rapper ...

..

Good evening folks.

Straight to business.

Half of these are what I composed myself and racked my brain intensively and overtime to formulate, and others are what I found on the internet and heard directly from people
They are mainly jokes carrying the Romance and Relationship theme, but other none related witty one-liners and jokes are included as side attraction...

Let's enjoy ourselves a little amidst the whole tense and suffocating Miss Nairaland Palava

You are free and more than welcome to contribute yours, but ensure it bears and has some minute traits of Romanticism in it at least.

Leggo ....




Lemme kick start with mine...

• Noah should be blamed entirely for why we have malaria.... ...why did he have to take those mosquitoes into that Ark?

• Boy: I want to take you out on Saturday night, would you be free?
Girl : No.
Boy: why? what would you be doing?.
Girl: Nothing, but because I would be having a headache on Saturday night.

• A pushup bra is like a bag of chips. You open it
up and its half empty

• They say nothing rhymes with orange... Lies!
nothing and orange don't rhyme at all.

• Nigerian girls leaves me as confused as Rick Ross with a bowl of salad.

• I took a Nigerian girl out to a restaurant on Monday and Tuesday...and she ate more than I have eaten in ten years in two days

• Why do men die before their wives?
Ans: Because they want to.

• Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually
another woman.

• Never underestimate a woman's ability to
make anything your fault.

• I finally married my MISS RIGHT......only thing i didn't realise was that she had the word 'ALWAYS' in front of the 'MISS'

• The doctor told me to watch my drinking.....now I'm having a white cup pressed to my lips with a mirror positioned in front of me.

• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes
you a car.

•Telling a girl to calm down works about as well
as trying to baptize a cat.

• I don't agree that females talk too much, but If a woman had written the Bible...we'd have 20 testaments. ... and that's just under the old testament alone

• When a girl sends you 'K' in a Whatsapp convo...it really means: ''You're very boring, fu¢k you!"

(Whatsapp chat)
• Girl: Do you really love or do you just wanna fu¢k me? Pinocchio : I sincerely love you with all my heart, body and soul. (Press sends button)
Whatsapp: Error Error..Sorry your message is too Long and please tell the truth.

• You wanna raape 30 camels?...learn to do it one 'hump' at a time

• They just made a new Lesb1an shoe....its called Nikes ………oops..I meant Dikes

• Four most powerful words women say that can deflate any man's ego?

Ans : Is it in yet?

• Dumb girls: Is flirting cheating?
Me: If I slap you with my left hand though I'm right-handed, did you still get slapped?

• When two 'fat' women are gossiping.... Its called a 'Heavy' discussion

• When your teacher gives a 30 minute speech about not wasting time..

• What do Booobs do during earthquakes?
Ans: They give milk shakes.

• One day i said to Rokiatu's ass-"Hi I'm an astronaut and I wanna explore URANUS
What I really meant was: Hi I'm an Astronaut and I wanna explore 'UR ANUS'

• What is long, hard and has "¢um" in it?
Ans: CuCUMber

• What is 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women crazy?
Ans: $100 Dollar Bill


• (You visit your girl while she's working on a chemistry homework)
(after 30 minutes...)
Girl: I can't seem to find my PERIOD.
Boy: (cuts in) are you mad? We only shagged once, so you've been sleeping around? Its over between us.
(boys leaves in anger)

Moral of the story: Learn to be a Patient listener.. She was studying chemistry and wanted to say: I can't seem to find my PERIODIC TABLE".

• This Volcano is a one-minute man...It 'erupted' 'prematurely'

• Why do men get great ideas on bed?
Ans: Because they are plugged into a genius

• What's is 72?
Ans: 69 with 3 people watching

• What do you call an Afghan Virgin ?
Ans: Never been Laid on

• What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
Ans : A little get together.

• Why can't you 'hear' a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Ans: Cos the 'P' is silent

• What's an artist with an arrow head?
Ans: PRICKasso


• Why do single women take advise from other single women?...that's like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles

• There are two oranges strapped to a woman's chest and one island between her thighs... .
yet 'bra' is singular and 'panties' have a plural form ..

• Women can never be as equal as men....unless they can walk on the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

• I think a girl called Marieolae is stalking me cos she was googling my name last night...
How did I know? .
I was watching her with a telescope from my house..

• what did the porcupine say to the cactus?
Ans: Is that you mum?

• That awkward moment when a female doctor is on her knees checking for symptoms on my balls...and I put my hands on her head and run it through her hairs....Feeling like boss#

• Girls logic:- I'm gonna wear this shirt that shows 3/4 of my booobs then call you a perv€rt for looking

• Say EYE ……spell MAP …then say NIS .. Do them together

• Fastest of communication?
Ans: Tell a girl a rumour and make her promise to keep it as a secret.

• (In a wedding)
Boy: Mom, why is that woman wearing a white gown
Mom: Cos today is the happiest day of her life
Boy: Why is the Man wearing black then?

• I told my daddy to embrace his 'mistakes'...he cried then 'hugged my sister and me"

• Just imagine how short class would be if Busta Rhymes was your teacher

• What starts with P and ends with ORN - POPCORN

What starts with F and ends with UCK...- FIRETRUCK

• Internet is the only place hoes give advise and people take them serious

• +Whatsapp chat)

Greg: Babe I want you to send me your nak€d picture.
Girl: Promise and swear you won't show any body ?
Greg: I swear to god and on my mother's grave that I won't ..
(10 Minutes later)
Greg's friends: DAMNNNNNNNNNN !!!!


• What do you say to someone that tells you that your zipper is open?
Ans: The cage is open but the beast is asleep

• Mznelly sent me this : YOURE ADORABLE
I replied by sending: YOU'RE ADORABLE...and now she loves me passionately..
Meanwhile, all I did was add a punctuation mark to the YOURE she sent to point out her typo ...

• Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's day
Girl: Yes, February 14

• Boy: Can you tell me what other thing you're very good in?
Girl: I'm great in bed
Boy: Wow...I love that..
Girl: Yeah, and it means I love sleeping for hours.

•Math Teacher: what comes after 69 ?
DarkRebel: A mouth wash.
Teacher: get out of my class!

I'm not Mommy's boy ooo.. but if my mom ask me this this--
Mom: Shawarma can I see your Facebook and nairaland account?
(here's what imma do)--
( throw laptop with erratic velocity out of the window, somersault out of the room, run to Airport, take a flight to Mexico then change my name to Pepito)

Let's continue... add yours if you got any

sosiqdude:
Fvck you!!!!!

Please keep quiet boy. You're the least improved Emcee on this platform ..
You were born wack and you would perish as a wickty wacky wacko ..