₦airaland Forum

Hi ikechno, i'm not a literary expert but i think that it was interesting story, had a nice flow, good grammer, can i offer some constructive criticim?,
i think, there's a little contradiction in your story, your character wears an armani suit to work, (indicative of someone in the upper class in society/ or someone with expensive taste), yet he commutes in a bus to work? and yet depends on his monthly NYSC 'alawi'?

@Orikinla, very creative

The Maiden by Jude Deveraux
A Knight in Shining Armour by Jude Deveraux

interesting story, please continue

“Where were you last night?” Alhaji bellowed angrily as he slid into the back seat of the sleek white hummer jeep.

From the driver’s seat, i glanced at him nervously via the rearview mirror. Alhaji was dressed in a white lace agbada,
his signature look. I have never seen him wearing anything but white since I was employed by him two years ago.
It was rumored by some people in town, that Alhaji wore only white because he belonged to a secret society.
The lace fabric of his agbada was more than six months of my salary, i should know, my mother used to sell lace
at a high end shop at Victoria Island, but that was long before, the shopping complex burnt down.
My mother lost all her investments in that fire and became indebted to the tune of tens of millions. The bank foreclosed
on our home at VGC and we were forced to move into my aunt’s cramped two bedroom apartment at mushin.

After the fire, my mum who had always been emotionally fragile became a nervous wreck. I had to drop out of university
where i was enrolled as a medical student to earn a living and support her and my siblings, but even then, things were rough,
there were days when all we ate were garri and groundnut. Perhaps if dad were alive, it would have been a different story.
Alhaji’s voice broke through my reverie. “James are you going to answer my question or continue to stare at me
through that mirror like a slowpoke? Alhaji demanded harshly. “After all, there are so many unemployed people out there,
and if you cant satisfy my demands, then quit, so that someone who needs a job can work for me. He added harshly,
as he lit a cigarette.

I cursed the fates which made someone from a privileged background like me end up as a driver to an illiterate
but wealthy man like Alhaji. When dad was alive, we had it all; a driver, two maids, a gardener, and a cook.
Dad had a good job as an engineer at Mobil, and he ensured we had the best of everything, even after
his fatal motor accident, the company gave mum a hefty compensation, which she used to start her lace
business at Victoria Island, her business thrived, and she was able to support us in the lifestyle
we were accustomed to, but that awful fire changed everything. That was four years ago.

I schooled my features to look apologetic and humble as i turned back to reply Alhaji.

Watchers by Dean Koontz, , very gripping