₦airaland Forum

llaykorn:
Now these are two awesome pieces. The idea of poetry duels is a fantastic one too, but I believe that two things need to be improved if more of these are going to happen which I hope would.

The first one is theme clarity. A single word is not enough as a theme. I believe that the idea of 'theme' was brought up so both poets, in the end, would have written poems with exactly the same themes and what would be left to score is the style. It should be clear enough that poets who drift away too much from the theme should get penalized. (If a criterion scoring system is being used)

That brings me to the second point, and that is the scoring system. A criterion-based scoring system would be much more awesome to use for the judging as a poem is never always good in all ways and never always bad in all ways.

And, Laveda, you're a star!

Your observations are cool. But I'm still a newbie tho, and the duel wasn't really planned..
The next one would be better..


Yippee! thanks.

sirjay:
Abeg make Una no vex... Since na the kings of poetry dey here make I just drop this jagbajantis for here.. On top the "Enemy" matter

Came smiling
Took my pain away
Gave me everything
Took it all away

Docile and sheepish; me
Wise and crafty; you
I knew it
The little man within nagged about you

Closer and closer you came
Stimulating and entering
The happy host; I was
Doors wide open; hell! I beckoned

Relaxed, in euphoria I basked
Oblivious and ignorant
Adamant to the pleas of my cerebrum
I listened to my cardiac muscle

You took it
What I could have given for you
What I could have laid at your feet

You took it
For naught but pride and vengeance
For something committed from ages past

Confused as realization dawned
Knife in the jugular I realized
What a bumbling idiot I had been

Juggernaut Bn Yusuf

Nice one.

firstEVA:
Laveda wins it nice one girl.

Eva, thanks.

Oahray:
lol. Yes o. Me and some other persons dey the lowest rung.

Damn! Jigsaw is a killah! Your lines mehn... Your own enemy. Totally different perspective from the norm. See flows sha... I like!

Laveda, your imagery came on very strong, although the rhyming seemed somewhat forced. Nice on the whole.

Looks like voting is over

Yeah its over.

Thanks Ray.

JigsawKillah:
Voting Closed!

Laveda wins by first to five votes!

Congrats, Lady!

It was an honour battling with the great rhymer

Thanks.

whizqueen:
Oh boy laveda did someone offend you nii?
Please tell me you didn't picture anyone when writing o.

Wonderful piece I must say.


Jigsawkill your love for money is overwhelming lol. I love that line jawe. Nice one.

My vote goes to laveda, lines are so real and spiteful

More like it babe..

Thanks.

JigsawKillah:
Dear Jigs

I hate the man you've become
You hated insincere people, how could you be one
Drinking with reckless abandon
Who'd now play role model to your son?

Burning away your wealth with the ganja
Don't ask why you're broke, you know the answer
It's either you're getting high
Or after the waist of a good dancer

See your love life is shattered
How long will you keep telling Hannah
That you love her when you're lying
You smile when talking to her? no, you're trying

You don't have a heart, you've become a monster
And just last month, you became a fraudster
Your love for money is overwhelming
If I wasn't you, you'd jump at a chance to sell me

I'd blame it on rap, but I've seen other rappers
Boogey doesn't smoke, still has a dozen chapters
MI never had to steal, albeit forming gangsta
And when I show you these, I hear your horrid laughter

I stare at the mirror, I see your bulgy eyes
I see your goatee, and my rage would rise
I see your ugly face, it's you I want to slap
I bring out the dagger, but can't freaking stab

You used to be better than this
Until you knew the world exists
Worse after you saw your dad drag a spliff
Worst after George became deceased

You used to be a friend, not anymore
How could you call my life a bore?
I hate that you became my enemy!
I hate that you're me



From Jeffery

Jigs you're good, wow.

Friends warned me about you.
Monster in human flesh that leaves people feeling blue.
Crafty minion, my actions towards you I rue,
But I'll get justice once I've the chance to sue.


Your presence irritates me, your existence annoys me.
I'll derive Joy in your tears,
An inexplicable pleasure in your fears.
You are miserable with a heart as dark as coal,
And once your transgressions takes its toll on your soul,
Your insecurity I'll plough.

Enemy? Wish there's was a better word to describe this evil
You prodigal son of the devil
Heart devoid of peace or tranquil,
Its civil shattered on an anvil.


when the grim reaper comes to get you.
Your legs will be too feeble to help you. No need to cry foul, Nemesis is on its way to wound your soul.
This is just the beginning of your descent to gaol.

You Juggled with my heart,
You tossed it like a hat.
Do you think you shall escape the claws of karma? it is a very merciless bitçh,
It will dump your filthy body in a ditch.

I'm happy you shall shrink and rot in hell.
That burning furnace shall be your new cell.
Where your body will be impaled,
While you burn from a fire started from a diesel.


Laveda.