₦airaland Forum

collinometricx:
Life And A Sixteen-year-old By LemuelIrabor

Woah, buddy..
LAASYO kept you up at night?
Epic!

I'm honoured to know that you feel this way though.

Thanks for sharing.

Here's some more.
Don't forget to leave a comment.



Mynd44, anochuko01, sureteeboy, rosy4u, Darla, Amefricaa, Vivipop, folakemigeh, IamLucy, Henitan24, dominique, DanseMacabre, Divepen1, Lleigh, Creeza, Kayceenaz, Chumzypinky, Ayoomodaddy, uzolexis, KimberlyWest, aobmedia2017, duch12, marianneada, marenx, FreshestManny, DanseMacabre,WaffenSS, Skilful01, armadeo, newslifeop, lalasticlala, lordpriso
souloho19, talk2saintify, SurestG, sirblero, queenitee, ayorinbolableszy, uchihaclassiq, ftosino, Itzmoneyman1, Auric, EvaJael, Jbfranklin, armadeo,
mrlemuel

Saturday, 6th Oct.

Great!
Just great!

Marvel and his great ideas..
And why the hell do Dad and Mom LISTEN to him?

First,he gets the 'wise' buzz that our internet provider's been cheating us out of our money; then he gets Dad to subscribe to a new one whose advert he 'saw on TV', cheaper and offering more bandwidth, but TOO SLOW!

I almost broke the screen in frustration while doing homework today.Just wait till I get my own laptop. Pfft! Little brothers.
(Grrr..)

Next, he tells Mom the house is looking drab and could do with some cleaning.
''That's very thoughtful of you, kiddo.'',Mom said, smiling ear to ear.

"Go get Martin."

I grew red.
I hate housework. I don't think it's for girls alone, but I hate being assigned to do it.I prefer to do it whenever I feel like or want to.

"Okay, son.You just tell the dust to fall 'whenever you like or want to' and then I'll let you off.", Mom had said sweetly when I'd grumbled once.

Ah, bummer!

I hung out at Joe's afterwards.

'Hung out'.

Yeah, right. Can't really call it that though.
Not if you got a backdrop of homework to finish before Monday. All thanks to the obnoxious Mr Abdullateef.

In case you missed it, the new system at school has been: no homework during the week (because of afterschool lessons) , all homework on Fridays.
So, you get the picture.

Kid Snozzle was there too.At Joe's.
So, we got our homework done relatively slower, throwing jokes and cracking wise throughout.

“Hey Martin-man's a whiz in Math.”, Kid Snozzle patted me on the back.

I hate that. Pats on the back.
I mean, that's for favourite horses or dogs or something, not humans.

Joe, sensing the angst, said, "Why don't you take it out on him in a game of Chess?"
I did.
Defeating him twice before I went home.

Saturday night traffic.
Thanks to those party animals Lagos is full of.

Got home past my curfew.Was punished by being assigned time in the garden tomorrow, shovelling leaves and raking trash.

That's no way to treat a brother.

And so here I am again, dreading weekends and wishing for eternal Mondays.

Again.

Friday, 5th October (contd)

Hahaha!

Guess what?

I just spoke to Joe on the phone.
Debo got the chewing gum treatment too.

Joe says it happened during the after-school Math class.
This time, it was a pink gum.

(I said nothing!)

Eep!

But it brings up a little complication though.

If Debo got 'gummed', who then put the gum on my seat?
Who is the 'Chewing Gum Attacker' ?



Finally, Laura spoke to me.
Even if it was an 'excuse me', as I'd been obstructing the doorway to the patio.

Mrs Adesuwa was pleased with my work and invited me in to an early dinner at their place.
I politely declined, my gut still a lil' sore.
But she insisted I had something, so I munched some peanuts and ate a banana, washing them down with warm cocoa.

Obrigada, señora Adesuwa!

Friday, 5th Oct. is up for grabs.



Mynd44, anochuko01, sureteeboy, rosy4u, Darla, Amefricaa, Vivipop, folakemigeh, IamLucy, Henitan24, dominique, DanseMacabre, Divepen1, Lleigh, Creeza, Kayceenaz, Chumzypinky, Ayoomodaddy, uzolexis, KimberlyWest, aobmedia2017, duch12, marianneada, marenx, FreshestManny, DanseMacabre,WaffenSS, Skilful01, armadeo, newslifeop, lalasticlala, lordpriso
souloho19, talk2saintify, SurestG, sirblero, queenitee, ayorinbolableszy, uchihaclassiq, ftosino, Itzmoneyman1, Auric, EvaJael, Jbfranklin, armadeo

A special invitation to a namesake:

mrlemuel

Friday, 5th Oct. 2017

Life goes on..even after you've been humiliated in front of the whole class, plus your favourite pedagogue.
Even after you've been picked on by an unknown enemy.
Even after..
(OK, it still hurts).

Today was good and all.
Class went on as usual. Joe was his usual self, the chewing gum saga almost forgotten.

Almost.

That is, until Debo showed up.

“Hello poop-boy.What's up? Poop, I guess.”

Joe's face grew taut.

He'd begun an 'eye-battle' with Debo.

I know I'm no clairvoyant dude, but forseeing the scene we'd create if a teacher was to saunter in then, I restrained his arm.

“Water off the duck's back, bro.Water off the ducks back.”

Debo laughed at that.

“The poop-head advising his poop-headed friend. I. Have. Seen. It. All.”, she used her fingers to stress the words.

Joe leaned forward.
“Now, you lo—”

“Hey Joe-bro. Hey Mart-man.”

Kid Snozzle. And for the record, perfect timing.

Debo let out a shrill hiss and walked to her desk.

Ungh.
What's with 'these' girls?
A wise man once said a woman lives just to be noticed.
Perhaps he's right.

“You two ok?”, Kid Snozzle asked, studying us closely.

Joe and I let out deep sighs at the same time. As if we'd rehearsed.

“Forget it. What's up with the haircut?”, Joe beat me to it.

Kid Snozzle had had on a Tyson cut just yesterday. Now, he's gone bald.

“Do you like it?”, the Kid queried.

I began the count in my head.

1.
2..
3!

We all burst into laughter.

After a few fits, we calmed down a bit to continue conversation.

“Seriously man, what ate your hair?”

He told us.

He'd been visiting an aunt and had fallen asleep on the sofa. His little cousin had somehow gotten hold of a pair of scissors and decided to try out 'something she'd seen on tv.'
Poor Kid Snozzle had awakened to find a mass of hair is his face.

Anyway, rather than coming to school looking like last year's zombie clown, he'd decided on the easier option of going bald.

“I see”, Joe patronized, “the haircut ain't so bad.”

“Riggghhtt.”, I replied.
“Like there's any HAIR left to CUT.”

We laughed again.

***

I'm back home now.

I couldn't attend the after-school classes due to a severely irritated gut.
If your bowels are like mine, never have hot beans for breakfast.
Not fun. Trust me.

Instead, allow it to get cold first.

I have to stop writing now. I'd promised to help Mrs Adesuwa with preparing the soil in their backyard for a small garden.
So I'll be heading over now.

I can already hear Malcolm's happy bark.
(Wait..do dogs have a happy bark?)

Cheerio!



Author's Note:

First and foremost, a big 'HELLO' to you all. And thank you for your patience.

I had hoped to post updates twice a week but you see how that went..
(Not so good.)

Bear with me, once a week is all I can manage for now.
I have so many commitments right now.

Please.
Pretty Please?
Thank you.

Finally, feel free to send me mail.

Remember, I am available for your literary needs.

To add a lil' spice, answer this:

“If Martha, Marvel and Martin all have names beginning with an 'Mar—', can you suggest the names of their parents?”


Always,



Lemuel.

So, it's a new week. (Yay!)

I'd like to apologize. I'd expected to post an update before now, but I'm really 'swamped' in it all.

I will post as soon as possible.

All these people reading without commenting though..

EvaJael:
I must say your grammar is commendable. I noticed something though, it doesn't really sound like it's set in Nigeria to me. Pardon me if I'm wrong o, just voicing my thoughts. It's a lovely storyline though

Thank you for your kind words.
I'm humbled.

Please, feel free to voice your thoughts and criticisms anytime.

I'm betting you feel the story is not set in Nigeria because I do not use Nigerian slang when I write..

Well, what can I say?

I try to use my own unique style in whatever I do.

Now, don't you stop reading!

Can I send you mail in lieu of dropping a phone number?

Cc

Mynd44, Divepen1, lalasticlala

Hello there,

It has come to my attention that this story is being posted on various sites without my permission.

Please, whatever the reason, desist from doing such.

This story is actually in ebook form and would be released as soon as possible.

I am the only one authorized to post,edit or share any part of this work prior to, and even after the book release.

Please, respect Creativity.

Respect Copyright laws/acts.


Lemuel.

AUTHOR,LIFE AND A SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD

Hello,

I am a Freelance Writer/Blogger.I write essays,news pieces,articles,stories,speeches,manuscripts and even transcribe interviews quite efficiently.
I am in partnership with a quality international proofreader and editor.
I am proficient in the proper use of grammar,lexis and structure.

On the side,I host talk shows,online interviews and oversee user polls on some renowned forums.

You can see my work on my blog:

lirabor..com

(Other links would be sent on request in a PM.)

..and even here on Nairaland.

With me,you're assured of quality,timely and humane service.
I treat every work as I would a piece of art,turning it into that masterpiece you dreamed of.

I will be doing ALL JOBS ABSOLUTELY FREE until November 2.
So,take advantage of this limited offer.

Feel free to send me mail.You can ask me anything.

Cheers!




Mynd44, Divepen1

FreshestManny:
Lol. This got me reeling.


FreshestManny don land.

Thank you for reading, buddy.

A new post,folks..


Mynd44, anochuko01, sureteeboy, rosy4u, Darla, Amefricaa, Vivipop, folakemigeh, IamLucy, Henitan24, dominique, DanseMacabre, Divepen1, Lleigh, Creeza, Kayceenaz, Chumzypinky, Ayoomodaddy, uzolexis, KimberlyWest, aobmedia2017, duch12, marianneada, marenx, FreshestManny, DanseMacabre,WaffenSS, Skilful01, armadeo, newslifeop, lalasticlala, lordpriso
souloho19, talk2saintify, SurestG, sirblero, queenitee, ayorinbolableszy, uchihaclassiq,

I stayed at the Thompsons.I was locked out—Martha was with the key.
Had a very interesting conversation with Mrs Adesuwa.
Just so you know, she isn't your average housewife.More like a home-runner.Besides, she works from home.
Did I forget to mention that they had a dog?
Malcolm is a Labrador-Dobberman cross that makes Marvel freak out with every bark, especially at night.
Very friendly though.Although he can be a nuisance sometimes.
Mrs Adesuwa says Malcolm's the only one Laura actually talks to.

Teenagers!

Laura is thirteen by the way.

Joe called me in the evening.He said he'd given my bag to 'SuperMart-Her'.It's amazing how I even forgot to take my bag with me, being that YOU were in there, diary.
I hope no one read you!


The gum's mostly out now.In fact, I just threw the uniform into the washing machine.

Now to settle down to another wonderful dinner. No,not 'Martha-made'.

This time, Mom-made.

Potato porridge with two boiled eggs each..
Not very elegant but just as rich.
Apple juice on the side,
Fit for a groom and his bride..

PS: Don't mind me. I've been practicing poetry all day so I wouldn't forget my Literature homework.
I still wonder if Debo placed that gum on my seat..

Thursday, 4th October

As with all good things, the holidays have come to an end and it's back to school with us.
Me especially.

    “Hey, SuperMart.”, Joe said as he slipped in beside me.

Yeah. Yeah.

“Where did you learn that?”,I replied, rolling my eyes.

“I learned it from the SuperMARTHA! Get it? Super-MART-HER.”, Joe said gleefully.

“I've been waiting to use that one.”, he added.

I couldn't help smiling.

“Nice pun, man.”

“I know, righ—”


“Good morning, students.”

Ah, the beautiful Miss Emem Imelda.She teaches Literature and is one of my favourite teachers.

What a way to brighten a brother's day!
Already,I am loving this Thursd—

“I hope you're all well rested.Now, pass your homework to the front.”

Wait, did I just hear her say that dreaded word?
But didn't we already submit our homework on Mon.. Blast everthing! Monday was a national holiday.
I left my homework back home.

Miss Emem had begun counting the notebooks.

“28..29..30. 30? ”, she said to no one in particular, puzzled.

If you've ever been in such a situation, you'd know that the few seconds before the teacher asks who was yet to submit, kick in epinephrine action.I gulped and sat up straight.

“Class Rep., how many students are in this class.”

“31, Miss.”

“Who is yet to submit?” ,she asked, turning to face the class.

I gingerly stood up, hating this darn Thursday already.

“Miss Emem,I..”

All heads turned to face me.

“Yes, Martin.Go on.”

Gulp. Breathe.
My face was turning red.

“I think I left my homework at home.”

Miss Emem cocked a brow.

“You think you left it at home? You're not even sure.”

Geez. Leave me be, Miss Emem.
I'm mighty embarrassed already.

Miss Emem gave me a pout.It was almost like she could read my mind.
Freaky.

“I'll bring it with me tomorrow..if it's okay with you, Miss.”

I heard a snicker behind me and from the corner of my eye, I saw Debo, the assistant Class Rep. whisper something to Joe.Joe turned to face her angrily.
Whatever's with them?

“OK, Martin.That's OK.”

I sat down.

“Now class..”

And she launched into a re-explanation of the differences between Similes,Metaphors and Personification.

Halfway through, I dropped my pen.And as I bent down to pick it, I discovered my butt was sortta stuck to my seat.
What the—

I gave it more juice and..finally it came free.

“Martin,there's gum on the seat of your pants.”, an alarmed Joe whispered to me.

It was true.
I turned to look and saw the yellow sticky culprit half on my seat and half on my trousers.

“Damn bro, who did this?”

“I don't know, man”, Joe said, glancing over his shoulders at Debo's desk. “But I have a very good idea.”

I fumed at Debo and her seatmate, Chinenye.

“Martin, can you tell us?”

Huh?

  Miss Emem was pointing at me.Obviously, I hadn't been listening.
  Fortunately, Joe and I had rehearsed for times as this.
As I (deliberately) stood up slowly, Joe wrote the word ‘e.g’ on the corner of his open textbook and used his finger to underline ‘SIMILE.’

I got it.
An example of a Simile.

“Uh..”
I cleared my throat.
“A good example is; 'Tony's voice is as soothing as a balm in cold weather.’ ”

Miss Emem smiled.
“Very good, Martin.That's correct.”

A titter waved through the part of the class seated behind me.
  Even Joe was finding it hard to keep a straight face.

Miss Emem put her hand on her hips in that well-known gesture.

“Can someone explain what's so funny?”

Another round of laughter.

Austin, the lanky lad who sits at the back, volunteered.

“Martin just pooed himself”, he announced, choking down a laugh.

“And what's funny is that his poo matches the yellow of his uniform perfectly.”, he finished, looking directly at my butt.

Miss Emem's mouth was open in shock.
I grew red.

    Joe pointed at the door and said, “Go.”
    Amidst the jeers and laughs,I walked out.I didn't even stop to think about where to go.
At the door, Miss Emem tried to grab my arm as I passed but I yanked it away.

I don't know what made me do it, but a few feet away from the classroom, I turned back.
  And found myself looking directly into Tessy's eyes.

There were tears in her eyes.




I left for home at break-time.
  I'd gone to the orchard immediately after leaving the class.
Out there, I'd found a comfortable spot under a tree and closed my eyes, letting my thoughts wander.I thought of life as I saw it, my dreams and expectations, the friends I'd made, and the growing rift between Mom and Dad.
I'd caught them arguing again last night.

Sigh.

Anyway, my blazer had come off and now adorned my waist, covering my shame.
  I'd googled HOW TO GET CHEWING GUM OFF FABRICS, so I wasn't entirely worried.
I did stop at the department store to get a few items though.
Thank God for the internet.

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN

centitan:
great journal story,loving every bit of it .. following back2back . update regularly biko. thumbs up .

Aye,Aye!

Thanks, chum.

Arondizuogu:
Dude you study for Cambridge? Your English na over 100% Jesu!!! Nice stuff though, really nice.

Cambridge? Nah.
Actually, I was home-schooled by the Queen herself.



Just kidding.

Thank you for your kind words.

lordpriso:
just got here,,waiting

newslifeop:
Oh

EvaJael:
Oh I'm so sorry I didnt see your mention Lemuellrabor, please forgive me

Welcome, friends.Happy reading!

armadeo:
This is a beautiful story both in writing and telling. The tale appears so simplistic but I can see the complex patterns in it.


It takes real effort to come up with something like this. Kudos op.

Cc ishilove. Naptu

chaarly:
I admire your command of English too bro.
Lemmi do a check list for you. .

Arrangement (√)
English (√)
Theme (√)
Creativity (√√)
Blessings (√√√)
You're blessed bro
#YourMamaBornYouWell

Ps. I know girls dont interest you now but beware of them ooo. . they are destiny destroyers. Lol
#ICoverYouWithTheBloodOfJesus

Thank you for your kind words.

DanseMacabre:
Done. Won't say much by way of criticism, since the story itself is almost seamless, and the 'miserly' errors won't stand an edit, even by you.


Funnily, I just need minute clarifications on the characters. Mart speaks flawless English, I can relate with that, but some of his words might be a tad obtuse, especially when conversing. I can totally relate with him though, I mean he'd certainly know these words enough to use in his journal, but I think slightly 'simpler' synonyms could accentuate his dialogues better.


Then of course I'm interested in knowing how sixteen (hope I'm right) -year old Martha can cook such delicious meals that have aroused my appetite, even after gorging myself tonight.


Theresa is coquettish, agreed, but isn't getting Mart's number on the first day of school too 'libertine' for a young Nigerian girl her age, who's just getting her first tastes of the opposite sex? I would think she isn't that liberated yet to be so forward.



Then:
Can 'Lol' be used verbally while speaking?

First off,Martha is fourteen. Martin is the sixteen-year-old.

Apropos Martha's culinary skills, most adolescent (upper) middle-class girls can prepare simple meals at that age.In fact, they become self-conscious of their cooking about this time.Most ladies reading this can attest to that.

Concerning the use of 'lol',I for-to-the-got to edit that from the script.I'd uploaded an old copy of the manuscript. The new version has a more practical verbal equivalent. My bad!

Martin is a smartaleck, so I guess he could be excused for flaunting in his diary.

Oh,Theresa plays a primary role in the story. You just keep following.

WaffenSS:
Your staccato style of writing in short bursts is wearing me down.

Four-word sentences then full stop. Another set of four words and a full stop.

Come on.

Remember, this journal is supposed to have been written by a teen.Teenagers tend to use short sentences (sometimes,even literary wrong terms and 'lotsa' colloquial words).
Thank you for reading.

DanseMacabre:
Wonder how the earlier mention(s) eluded me.

Just read this instalment, and it's almost error-free, both grammatically and syntatically; and that's impressive - almost a first on here. Will check out the earlier posts.



Good one bro.

Thanks, DanseMacabre.




PS: Do hashtags work on Nairaland?

skillful01:
...This is perfect.

I admire your English.

Thank you, skillful01.

I just posted a new update.

Greatbeard:
sure, but we'll ultimately end up conversing via WhatsApp as its easier for me to pass across information and get feedback quickly.
Go ahead and send me a PM. Do you get notified when you receive new mails?

Yes, I do.

I will send you mail shortly.

The owner of the manly voice came around the minivan.He'd been talking to the Akpans who lived across the street.

“I see you've met the family,Martin.”

Huh?
How did he know my—

“Relax,son.”,he said cheerfully. “Mrs Akpan was telling me about your folks when she saw you walk from your house.”
Great.If you haven't already guessed,Old Mrs Akpan is the neighbourhood gossip.
Nothing that happens in the neighbourhood ever elludes her. And her septugarian husband could do next-to-nothing about it.

“She tells me you have—”

“Sweetheart,we haven't even introduced ourselves yet.”,the woman scolded gently.

“Oh,forgive my manners.I'm Mark Thompson—with a 'P'.This is my wife,Adesuwa and the two little ones are Albert and Doyin.”

I smiled.
I already knew that last part..

“Nice to meet—”

“Laura! Drop that phone this instant and come say hi.”,the woman shouted into the car.

No reply.

“Laura!”

No reply. The situation was fast becoming weird. I began to draw circles on the ground with my toe.
The woman was getting ready to shout the third time.

“Babe,calm down”,Mr Mark said,placing a soothing hand on her back.“She's probably got her ear plugs on.As usual.”
He looked at me and I nodded in understanding.

“Hi!”,even before I turned my head I knew the next words,“I'm Martha,Martin's sister.”

Turns out,Dad had gotten weary waiting for me to return and had sent Martha after me.Speaking of Dad,he was walking towards us now,a sleepy-eyed Marvel in tow.

Another flurry of Hellos and Nice to meet yous (and for the parents, Such sweet kids) saw us standing there exchanging pleasantries.
The truck driver had reached the height of his patience and let out another PAAAAARP to let us know.

* * *

We helped the Thompsons move into their new home,Mrs Adesuwa supervising everything.Only then did Laura leave the car and go into the house.
She sulked all day and didn't even say hi to any of us. Although that didn't stop me from noticing that she looked like her mother but had her father's complexion.

“If only beauty came with manners..”,an annoyed Martha had complained when she told Mom about the days activities,during dinner.

Oh well..

To end such a 'crazy' day,I decided to do a 'crazy' thing by tuning to the news channel myself after dinner.
NTA,this time.

Turns out,it was a great idea as it was announced that there would be two more days of public holiday as an Eid was to be celebrated.

Ah..
I'm pretty sure I'd sleep so good tonight.

Author's note:

Hey, buddies o' mine.

Apologies for the late update of the journal.
Been busy with writing a lotta articles..
But away from all that.It's time to make—and take—some decisions.

To make future updates less erratic, due to my busy schedule, I will confine my posts to just twice or three times a week. And, just for the hell of it, I will not reveal the days when I would be posting.

So if you miss any update, ‘you are in tha' soup’ . Also, late-comers would be ‘punished’ .

Just kiddin'.

But seriously,keep on following Martin's story.

Every writer needs his reader(s).



Thank you for your kind thoughts and words of encouragement.

Till the next one,

Lemuel.

PS: I write articles,blog posts,news pieces,stories,etc.
Feel free to contact me via email if you need me.
I'm just what you need..

Cc

Here we go again,guys..


Mynd44, anochuko01, sureteeboy, rosy4u, Darla, Amefricaa, Vivipop, folakemigeh, IamLucy, Henitan24, dominique, DanseMacabre, Divepen1, Lleigh, Creeza, Kayceenaz, Chumzypinky, Ayoomodaddy, uzolexis, KimberlyWest, aobmedia2017, duch12, marianneada, marenx,

A special invitation to..

souloho19, talk2saintify, SurestG, sirblero, queenitee, ayorinbolableszy, uchihaclassiq, Freshestmanny

October. Finally.

Don't mind me.I don't really care much about the 'Happy New Month' stuff but the October 1st public holiday is,as always,much appreciated.
Especially when it falls on a Monday.

I hate Mondays.


Dad was home today,for a change.
Mom had to go to work though.Her shifts at the clinic are getting more and more hectic by the day,and it's beginning to tell on her.
I mean,why would a family-planning establishment be this busy?You'd expect them to operate ordinary office-hour shifts.
I should probably ask her sometime.

Breakfast was Martha-made. Moin-moin,fried plantains,bread and orange juice(Yum-Yum).Marvel overate again.
Bro. obviously hasn't learnt his lesson.

OK,so the weird thing with the days Dad is left alone with us is his idea of family time.
Don't get it?OK,picture this..

You just had a heavenly breakfast (thanks to your sister). You take your usual place on the sofa and surf the channels on tv till you get to the movie channel. You sigh contentedly and begin to relax. You actually feel yourself begin to digest the food..
Ah,the feeling......

Only to hear:
“Martin,give me the remote.”

Yes,it's Dad.
And he tunes in to the CNN news broadcast while picking his teeth noisiky with a toothpick.

I stood up to go.
“Aha! I said it! Now their Brexit agenda will crumple their economy.”

I took two tentative steps away,already counting down..

“Martin,what did I tell you?See,the UK's economy is about to crash.”

Now,it is important to note that;
(1)Dad and I had never had any convo featuring Brexit—or politics for that matter.
(2)If I love myself,I dare not walk away at this point.Doing so is tantamount to no pocket money for the week.
A worthy punishment.

I went back and sat down.

Dad launched into an elaboration on his own theories about the fate of Brexit.
I began to pray that the confounded Power Holding Company of Nigeria would cut-off the supply.
Once,when I was 13 and stupid,I had pretended to go ease myself and had instead sneaked to the circuit breaker and switched it off.
That day,I knew that my father was indeed an engineer..the hard way.


Darn!
I feel like a lifetime's gone. I wonder how a Naval engineer would have so much interest in political matters.
In case you're wondering,Martha and Marvel are upstairs.They'd gone up right after breakfast. Wise duo.
I'd stayed back insisting I deserved some quality tv time.
Look where that's gotten me now.


I look at the clock. 10:43.
Just seven minutes have passed?

A horn sounded outside. The horn of a heavy-duty vehicle.
Dad didn't hear it over the voice of Zain Asher's on tv. The toothpick had become half its original length now. And browner.
Eep!

PAAAAARP!

The horn again. And louder.
A bemused Dad turned to me.
“Martin,go check.”

Grateful for a chance at something different from Brexit and PM May, I walk to the window and peered out.
It was a truck all right. A moving company truck. It was making a U-turn in front of the Ajala's.I'd met the Ajalas a few times,when we were still new in the neighbourhood. A quite comfortable family who'd immigrated to Ireland but came back often,obviously not trusting the land-owner thugs of Lagos to leave their house alone.

A minivan was parked in front of the house now,and I could see a dark-skinned woman bending over it and talking to the people inside.I could see—and hear— through the open doors at least two or three kids rambling about who got the bedspace beside the window or something.
Guessing they'd been misdirected by the unreliable house numbering system (what,with some houses having multiple numbers) ,I walked over to help.
This was something I ordinarily wouldn't do.But thanks to Dad being aware,and knowing I'd have to give him a full report afterwards,I knew I had no choice.

“Good day,Madam.”,I said in my best British schoolboy tone.
The car grew quite.Two small inquisitive heads peeped from behind the woman,who'd turned to face me.
She wore no make-up and her hair was 100% natural,combed out neatly to give a near-Afro look.
“Hello young man,how do you do?”

Young man..(hehe)

“Quite well,thank you.”,I replied.Chin up.
“You seem to be new around here..”

“Oh yes,yes.We just bought this house”,she pointed at the Ajala semi-detached home.“You came from the house next door,right?”
I nod.
“Oh,that means we get to be neighbours.What a delight!”
The excitement on her face was infectious. And I couldn't help smiling.
The little darlings in the car had,seeing that their mom(I'm guessing) was laughing and all jovial with me,alighted and grasped my hands.

“What's yer name?”,a bespectacled boy of about five asked,peering at my face like he couldn't quite see me.

“Ar' u my fwwend?”,a little version of the woman,I'd spoken to,who was about three,said,tugging at my trousers.

“Doyin! Albert! Behave yourself.”

The voice was manly and the two darlings had cowered away.It was so cute to watch.

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN.

October. Finally.

Don't mind me.I don't really care much about the 'Happy New Month' stuff but the October 1st public holiday is,as always,much appreciated.
Especially when it falls on a Monday.

I hate Mondays.


Dad was home today,for a change.
Mom had to go to work though.Her shifts at the clinic are getting more and more hectic by the day,and it's beginning to tell on her.
I mean,why would a family-planning establishment be this busy?You'd expect them to operate ordinary office-hour shifts.
I should probably ask her sometime.

Breakfast was 'Martha-made'. Moin-moin,fried plantains,bread and orange juice(Yum-Yum).Marvel overate again.
Bro. obviously hasn't learnt his lesson.

OK,so the weird thing with the days Dad is left alone with us is his idea of family time.
Don't get it?OK,picture this..

You just had a heavenly breakfast (thanks to your sister). You take your usual place on the sofa and surf the channels on tv till you get to the movie channel. You sigh contentedly and begin to relax. You actually feel yourself begin to digest the food..
Ah,the feeling......

Only to hear:
“Martin,give me the remote.”

Yes,it's Dad.
And he tunes in to the CNN news broadcast while picking his teeth noisiky with a toothpick.

I stood up to go.
“Aha! I said it! Now their Brexit agenda will crumple their economy.”

I took two tentative steps away,already counting down..

“Martin,what did I tell you?See,the UK's economy is about to crash.”

Now,it is important to note that;
(1)Dad and I had never had any convo featuring Brexit—or politics for that matter.
(2)If I love myself,I dare not walk away at this point.Doing so is tantamount to no pocket money for the week.
A worthy punishment.

I went back and sat down.

Dad launched into an elaboration on his own theories about the fate of Brexit.
I began to pray that the confounded Power Holding Company of Nigeria would cut-off the supply.
Once,when I was 13 and stupid,I had pretended to go ease myself and had instead sneaked to the circuit breaker and switched it off.
That day,I knew that my father was indeed an engineer..the hard way.


Darn!
I feel like a lifetime's gone. I wonder how a Naval engineer would have so much interest in political matters.
In case you're wondering,Martha and Marvel are upstairs.They'd gone up right after breakfast. Wise duo.
I'd stayed back insisting I deserved some quality tv time.
Look where that's gotten me now.


I look at the clock. 10:43.
Just seven minutes have passed?

A horn sounded outside. The horn of a heavy-duty vehicle.
Dad didn't hear it over the voice of Zain Asher's on tv. The toothpick had become half its original length now. And browner.
Eep!

PAAAAARP!

The horn again.And louder.
A bemused Dad turned to me.
“Martin,go check.”

Grateful for a chance at something different from Brexit and PM May,I walk to the window and peered out.
It was a truck all right. A moving company truck. It was making a U-turn in front of the Ajala's.I'd met the Ajalas a few times,when we were still new in the neighbourhood. A quite comfortable family who'd immigrated to Ireland but came back often,obviously not trusting the land-owner thugs of Lagos to leave their house alone.

A minivan was parked in front of the house now,and I could see a dark-skinned woman bending over it and talking to the people inside.I could see—and hear— through the open doors at least two or three kids rambling about who got the bedspace beside the window or something.
Guessing they'd been misdirected by the unreliable house numbering system (what,with some houses having multiple numbers) ,I walked over to help.
This was something I ordinarily wouldn't do.But thanks to Dad being aware,and knowing I'd have to give him a full report afterwards,I knew I had no choice.

“Good day,Madam.”,I said in my best British schoolboy tone.
The car grew quite.Two small inquisitive heads peeped from behind the woman,who'd turned to face me.
She wore no make-up and her hair was 100% natural,combed out neatly to give a near-Afro look.
“Hello young man,how do you do?”

Young man..(hehe)

“Quite well,thank you.”,I replied.Chin up.
“You seem to be new around here..”

“Oh yes,yes.We just bought this house”,she pointed at the Ajala semi-detached home.“You came from the house next door,right?”
I nod.
“Oh,that means we get to be neighbours.What a delight!”
The excitement on her face was infectious. And I couldn't help smiling.
The little darlings in the car had,seeing that their mom(I'm guessing) was laughing and all jovial with me,alighted and grasped my hands.

“What's yer name?”,a bespectacled boy of about five asked,peering at my face like he couldn't quite see me.

“Ar' u my fwwend?”,a little version of the woman,I'd spoken to,who was about three,said,tugging at my trousers.

“Doyin! Albert! Behave yourself.”

The voice was manly and the two darlings had cowered away.It was so cute to watch.

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN.

Greatbeard:
I need writers with good command of English and an ability to follow instructions to handle some projects starting today.
Flexible deadlines and an ability to decide work volume.
Quote me with your WhatsApp number if interested.
Thanks.

Rate - 1000 Naira per 1000 word article.
cc: Premiumwriter.

Hello, Greatbeard.

I use the email better.

Could I send you mail instead?

Here we go again,guys..


Mynd44, anochuko01, sureteeboy, rosy4u, Darla, Amefricaa, Vivipop, folakemigeh, IamLucy, Henitan24, dominique, DanseMacabre, Divepen1, Lleigh, Creeza, Kayceenaz, Chumzypinky, Ayoomodaddy, uzolexis, KimberlyWest, aobmedia2017, duch12, marianneada, marenx,

My special ones:

souloho19, talk2saintify, SurestG, sirblero, queenitee, ayorinbolableszy, uchihaclassiq,

Saturday,28 Sept.

Guess who got assigned to market duty today. Yes, ME. I mean, not Martha but ME.
You shoulda' seen how I vehemently argued with Mom's sudden decision.

“You'll be going to the university soon.You have to know how to bargain prices so you won't be cheated.”

She was right, you know. DARN!Why are mothers always right?
I wish she'd just wrong. For once. Just once.

So 10AM finds me at the (dreaded,for me) Ikeja local market. It didn't help that it'd rained the previous night. Everywhere was so muddy. I regretted wearing my white-soled sneakers already.
   Haggling with a wizened old man who sold meat was distressing enough, but the corpulent woman with tribal marks and a hare-lip whom I bought tomatoes from made my day 50 shades darker.Why couldn't Mom just let me go to a supermarket?
    I survived market duty though. Or, as I always say, I WON'T BE WRITING THIS.
   Weekends!Pfft.

Can't wait for Monday.
(I never thought I'd say that)

A new post,folks..


Mynd44, anochuko01, sureteeboy, rosy4u, Darla, Amefricaa, Vivipop, folakemigeh, IamLucy, Henitan24, dominique, DanseMacabre, Divepen1, Lleigh, Creeza, Kayceenaz, Chumzypinky, Ayoomodaddy, uzolexis, KimberlyWest, aobmedia2017, duch12, marianneada, marenx,

My special ones:

souloho19, talk2saintify, SurestG, sirblero, queenitee, ayorinbolableszy, uchihaclassiq,