₦airaland Forum

I think I'll wax cold for a little while  

MBJ,

I AM NOT THAT TYPE OF GIRLWHO WOULD EVEN LET HIM CONTINUE just because he helps once and when I really need the help,  I have a conscience and will not use my man as an atm machine.

@DYT and r321,
I asked him and he changed the subject smoothly so I rest my case

No M3, he ain't anywhere near poor

@ogzille,

yes, he works, and no, he has never given me money, I didnt need any until now

Yes, it happens like that for some guys who have experienced scam and goldigging from his past, but what of when he sees that you are decent and different and actually wants to settle down with you, yet chooses to not see when the girl needs help which is not all the time? And which in this case is almost never? I would offer to help a friend or even my boyfriend whether or not I have been scammed in the past anyways especially when I sufficiently have the means to do so, because I care about their welfare, even when I am not their mother!!!

@emmatok, let him at least volunteer, the thoughts go a long way

OMG, Shy-one @MBJ!!!      Nice one!!    These guys are so quick to call us ashewos,  And from all these posts, you can tell who are in fact, atm machines for their girlfriends and just found an avenue to release some anger. Others have been trampled on by goldiggers,  Can they not see that we are different? I AM NOT AN ASHEWO OR A GOLDIGGA IN ANY FORM, and yes, if a guy claims to love me or is my friend even, he should feel and know when you are going through tough times and at least offer to help, It is usually the effort that counts,

@MBJ,

It is unfortunate that you have the mindset of making your gf pay for hers, as you do yours,  I don't know where you are from, but in Africa, that is not how we roll,  The man is a man and provides,  This is not to say I let my man provide all the way, ofcourse I assist,  But I would actually like the man to offer to take absolute care even though I would decline most of the offer if not all of it, because him even thinking in that direction shows that he is a real man and can take care of his own and would always strive to in any situation.

You are stingy  and an ashewo as shy-one actually pointed out having known you for chasing underaged pucci with cash in it as insinuated in your other posts.

@lax75, I don't have a car oo. I kind of helped someone and that is why I am low on cash. I do not live in a flat perse, and I cut my coat according to my size!!

10 PAGES!!!!     This is some hot ish, Did I really start it??   I dey go sleep  

ok dyt, I will brave it up and talk to him.

@r231,

he dotes me with plenty love, which I like, I know you have been saying that I ask, but the words are just heavy for me,

thanks!!! ibrosaunks!! yes, I have surprised him with gifts a few times, and this is not to say I expect him to return the favour because I did, It is just to support when I really need the help. It has been his response to when I talk of how things are tight at this time and he responds wishing me luck, him helping me now would not give me the yardstick to make that gesture a constant because he loves me, as some people have said here that if he starts, he will continue, I won't necessarily need help next month just because I am in a tight situation now. I have mentioned more than once that I am not one to constantly depend on a guy but 97% of the guys here  turn a blind eye to this and are just venting out their anger because other girls have used them as atm machines.

@WaltherPPK,

did you fall and bump your head on your way to your computer? You are silly for not reading all the comments before ranting like a hungry hyena here.

It is funny coz most of these guys coming here to vent their anger are being used as atm machines in reality by their gfs and cannot say pimmmm!! I do not see my boyfriend as a money bag and don't ask him for money,

^^^ yes, i know him, But one never knows the other person completely enough, that's why I commit it unto God's hands, i know him but I am still getting to know him everyday,
@Dayokanu, I accept that you are stingy and that those texas girls have probably drained you more times than you feel comfortable with, I MUSTN'T HAVE GIVEN THIS MAN ANYTHING TO DESERVE HIS HELPING ME WHEN I GENUINELY NEED IT, Having said that, I have directly and indirectly given and that gives me joy, to be a giver, I do not mean sex as most freely potrayed here,

@r231,

yes, i think long term because he wants to marry me and I like him a lot except this 1 thing that disturbs me, which I will talk to him about.

@erico2k2,

he isnt taking rsponsibility for any siblings, just his mother which I know is normal.

yes, oohunt. It is serious and I will talk about it with him at some point soon. I have committed the relationship into God's hands.

@erico2k2, I wouldn't go for a man who wouldn't love me but I really hope this one who loves me will provide for his family if we eventually end up together.
I was not just worried for the now, I wondered for long term.

Thank you all for your analysis for and against my post. I have taken good and bad criticism in good stride. I have understood both sides and will work towards being more independent but sincerely hope he would be a provider for his family and start learning now.

For the bitter ones who nearly crucified the poster, it is not my fault that some girls you met at some point in your lives treated you or your best friends as magas or atm machines. Not every girl as generalized by most of the guys want to depend on a man, if they can help it. And when they do, it is usually for realistic matters, not materialistic issues, Up until now, I never felt the need to want help from my man whom I have been seeing for a while now.

and how would you explain that i am into materialism here or selfish?

Thanks Dyt and Kanou,

thank doris_84

@cantell, can you read before you write? I have welcomed constructive criticism from different people here. If you think your gf (if you have one) is into part-time ashawo when she has a relationship with you then goodluck to you.

I did not ask the man to pay my school fees or put me on a monthly salary. Getting a higher paying job isn't just coming my way and yes, if he were not in my life, I would survive anyway,  But he is,  I have always held the principle of trying to be independent in everyway possible and that is why I have this job. Other girls my age have sugar daddys like you suggested or hit the streets but my moral values would not let me stoop that low. I would instead drop out of school for now or defer my admission.

My point being that why wait for a friend to ask for help when you can easily help without the person asking. I like this guy and have thought about marrying him but would he be stingy and not provide when we are married?? and like now, wish me the best and hope things just sort themselves out?

I would expect a friend to help me because I would do the same for anyone I call a friend and truly needs help especially if i had the means to. I would be living with my parents if school were in the same state. From the start of this post, I mentioned help - help can be towards my rent (not the entire amount necessarily) or anything else.

I don't waste money on material things like clothes or phones because I have my priorities placed right.

is it possible to see here that I am not maintaining that it is his obligation to fulfil my financial responsibilities? But I would expect that he show some concern financially especially when he has the means and can see me struggling at this point where things just got really tight. I am not just sitting down and waiting for this man to come and attend to all my financial needs. If I had the means and saw a friend who really needed help, I would offer to help even though I am not obliged to,

I am working on getting a better paying jobs but until then, the bills are coming regarding and these are not for material things,  Its just the basic needs I am needing help for, like rent , even for just 1 month,

when I say I need financial help, I do not mean monthly. If he helps in just a month, It would make a huge difference. I won't impose on him needlessly.

people here ask if he is my father - he is not. But he is the man who wants to marry me so shouldn't I be worried that this will continue even when we
are married? my father has no steady funds and that is why I am taking myself through school and accommodation and taking off the burden, My present part time job can not conveniently cover my very moderate expenses and that is why even helping for just a month would make a difference to me. I am not asking that he puts me on a monthly payroll or pay my bills monthly.

@2goodbobo,

Thanks. Would do that, although I really hate asking.

@bluediva,

did you miss the part where I mentioned that I had a job but one that is not paying so well now?

i realise we are not married,  but do these kind of guys even change after getting married? won't he continue to be stingy? we are in a  committed relationship and serious

yes, he is not my father. and I am not a goldigger. He came to me because he saw that I am a decent girl.

Putting myself through school too. Having to pay tuition and accommodation and other miscellaneous fees together has been hard and he sees it. Even I wouldn't see a friend and not offer to help if I had the means without them asking me

@claremont, I am not that average Nigerian girl who thinks her man is an atm machine if that is what your post implies, I don't desire for him to get me brazilian hair, a blackberry and the likes, But just to assist for more genuine issues especially when he sees I am struggling to keep up.

I have a job that is not paying so well and am searching.

Won't it be a problem if I had to ask someone who sees that I need help? Even friends would ask how they can help and offer. I have never dated a guy whom I have had to ask. This is going to be a first. The others used their initiatives.

I will learn to ask as I don't know how to.

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