₦airaland Forum

A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon
down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and
stands next to the Minister.

The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are
you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."

The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him
right back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings
him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not!" said the drunk again.

Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 30
seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of
God, have you found Jesus yet?!!!??"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is
where he fell in?"

gentlefuck  what a lovely name. na your babe toto dey blow the whistle.? o.k now i understand, the dog is between yhur legs abi?

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.


The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"



"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."


The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

err, studio, its not what ur wild imaginations are imaginning o!. i just love the sound of the name.

Three couples -- one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed -- wanted to join a church. The priest said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The old man replied, "No problem at all, Father."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest.

The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yep, we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the priest.

The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.

"What happened?" inquired the priest.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it," said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the priest.

"We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

this joke is becoming a national anthem thing. a new poster everyday. read b4 u post please.

poster, u try.

who dey answer Eqwy here? i love the sound of that name . . .

he he he. e still dey exist.

and who is the optician?

ooooh, mykali, i'm just seeing this.

it's really funny sha. but dont u worry, ur time dey come. . . .

at the moderator,

the best thing u can do right now is to ban me, bcuz for as long as i can login, i aint gonna shut my mouth.


some dudes in here havent got the slightest idea what to say sometimes and end up spewing gibberish from their stench of a mouth.

Missy B:
Stop the fight and indeed Manickal your first reply wasn't necessary.

fault my words then. what did i say wrong. because i said he shouldnt diss ituen. well, maybe because i din't put some humor in it and thats why u can't see it was just a sarcastic word of advice . . .

Mustay:
DIs guy may not be a newbie afterall.

It could be a banned user re-registering

u might be right. but how could i have known that?

beemex:
manical, u one hell of an impetuous fellow,it will do u more good if shut your gaps instead of running it like a tap that can't be stopped. no ill feelings man, just an advice.

i can see u couldnt even spell my name correctly, stupidex. calling me impetuous . . . . .telling me to shut my ''gaps'' and telling me u aint got no ''ill feelings'' what sorta advice do u giv to peeps, if u call this an ''advice''?. dumbex.

lexicon:
What do u mean MATCH, ? You had better don't bring Politics to nairaland, eye service dude, ohh u think say ituan go praise you abi, u are on you own ooo

yes, i can see a fool talking. mumu. i'm sure u din't see the sarcasm in my post and that's because u have not the slightest idea of what it means. i aint eye servicing for nobody, and yes i meant he should take people like u up for size. lazycorn.

ibkaye . . . . . .kolo?

hmmm. whats all this?

mykali, na me u dey call mumu. well, i no longer reside at the assylum. i don change location.

i was the insane pastor that joined them together. i was pretty drunk then i guess. . . .

basket ball breasts were not included.

mustard seed breasts were not also included

thats what u think. who u think gave me my laptop?. oga santa cross.

ibkaye. u and this ur pet snake.

this newbie has guts. dissing ituen. ha ba. u berra find ur match.

stale jokes. try harder.

but i really loff santa clause

''organ''

pretty lady, can i get to know ya  

bcus i look small no mean say i be pikin o. u can ask aki n paw paw

guys, what are we supposed to say that is offtopic. can it be som'n like . . . .

i love santa clause.

passing by

breast, breast, breast.

oga sunej, na bcause of u wey steroids dey scarce 4 market abi?

infobaba:
Sperm hehehe

Jeovy:
Nice pics Ruby_Pearl

Info,is that the only pics you saw?