₦airaland Forum

An Igbo man on his dying bed surrounded by his family

mutters his last words to his wife.

Nne where is Chukwudi? In tears she replies, 'he is here'.

He goes on, where is Chukwuemeka

He is here she replies,

Adaobi nkor , she is here

Chekube?

He is here she answers.

In serious pain he asked again; what of Chikodi?

He is also here ,

With his last breath he exclaims,
" SO WHO UNA COME LEAVE FOR SHOP NOW?, "

Read and laugh it off.

Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom!"
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise
because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the SNAKE

To surprise her husband an executive's wife decided to stop by his office. On entering the office, she saw the secretary on her husband's laps. In order to defend himself the husband said "budget cut or no budget cut management must do something. I and my secretary cannot be sharing this office with just a single seat ,

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A teenage boy had  just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as  to when they could discuss his use of the car.   

His father said he'd  make a deal with his son:  'You bring your grades up from a C to  a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.  Then we'll talk about the car.'   

The boy thought about  that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed  on it.   

After about  six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up  and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm  disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.

The boy said, 'You  know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my  studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist  had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even  strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.'
 

To this his father  replied, 'Did you also notice they walked everywhere they went?'


  'Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who just likes your smile'


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The signs of an emotional infidelity may be more subtle than those of a sexual infidelity, and even if you never so much as touch him, this emotional attachment has just as much potential as a sexual fling to damage your relationship. When you save up your innermost thoughts, and interesting personal experiences to be spilled to the other guy instead of your spouse then you are doing your relationship harm and it's not fair to your partner.

According to a relationship expert, emotional affairs are happening more often because so many of us feel emotionally isolated, Whether it's because of our demanding jobs or the hours we spend on the Internet instead of with our families, friends, and communities, we've become increasingly distanced both physically and emotionally from other people, including our spouses. And when we're not regularly sharing our lives and feelings with those close to us, we ultimately begin to fill their space with someone else.

To avoid emotional affair it's important to keeping members of the opposite sex out of your intimate life, find polite ways to stop your discussions from being too personal or intimate. Emotional affairs begin with personal discussions, and grow more intimate as time goes on.

Also, avoid regular, ongoing personal conversations with one particular person and watch who you talk to make sure you are not making deep emotional investments with the inappropriate person. It's important to know that friendship with the opposite sex can become a problem when it becomes a replacement for a marriage, and also be careful of seemingly innocent actions such as dancing, kissing, or hugging members of the opposite sex.

Be honest with yourself if you're attracted to someone outside your marriage, be honest about the potential for an emotional affair and do something to stop it before it grows out of hand.

Emotional infidelity is rarely planned; it often arises from innocent friendships that went too far, that became too intimate.

The above experience is not limited to a particular sex.

Sharing is Caring. Share with friends.

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There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first daythe boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.
He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, 'You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will
never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. But It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound will still be there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
Remember that friends are very rare jewels indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed; They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.

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Kudos guy, you are too much, I like all your jokes, keep it,develop it and you will make a fortune from it.

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While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up stone
and
scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the
child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a
wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.
When the child saw his father, with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when
will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went
back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.
Devastated by his own actions, sitting in front of that car he looked
at the
scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .

Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely
life, Things are to be used and people are to be loved,
But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are
loved, During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in
mind: Things are to be used, but People are to be loved , Be
yourself, This is the only day we HAVE. Have a nice day

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder.
God bless you; I hope you are having a wonderful day!

If you don't pass this on to anybody, nothing bad will
happen;
if you do, you will have ministered to someone.
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace
of God
will not PROTECT you,
Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL

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This evil man call Babangida is taking us for a ride, All Nigeria youth should rise up against this old, archaic and dictator, his mission is to come and die in power, at age of almost 70 years i dont know what the evil man is looking for. Apart from annuling the world adjudged freest and credible election in Nigeria, This man is the architect of corruption, drug pushing and 419 and many vices, My prayer is that the Almighty God will never let him come back to power again, in Jesus name (amen). Nigeria is bigger than any individual, All Nigeria should resist Babangida Presidency

Nice one from you my guy,more of it from :

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Good one guy, keep it up,

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One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill . I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

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This is from an actual trial in the UK : A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing, , , She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.


His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant,

She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

The case was dismissed, , !!!!!!!!

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Please am interested, kindly give me detail of how i can enjoy this facility

You are right, you see in marriage both couple need to understand themselve very well, they should be able to tolerate , endure and learn to forget and forgive because there is no how wonderful or beautiful a marriage is, one day there will be a mistunderstand but ability to apply wisdom in solving it is very important

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What your wife desires you to be

The desire of every woman is that their husband should be a real man; that is a man of honour and a complete gentleman. She would be extremely happy if you can grow to become a faithful man, a quiet man.

What does not make a Real Man?

The following things do not make you a real man. If you have them to be the man she is looking for:

Muscular body, ability to have erection, fat bank account, good friends network and communication, good job, political positions, chieftaincy titles, religious position, Baritone voice, Hairy Chest, Athletic body, big grammar and command of English, Beautiful wife, ability to father a child, ability to marry a woman, big car, big house, international connections. All these can make you a man but not a real man. A real man is quite different from just any man on the street.

The Making of a real man

I want you to relax and become the man your wife is looking for. She will be on top of the world if you transform to these

1. A real man is a man of God. He has a personal relationship with God. His life is being controlled by God and His commandments. He doesn't take any major decision without consulting his maker. His actions and reactions are controlled from the throne of mercy.

2. A real man is a faithful man. He is faithful to God, to his calling, his wife and to his marriage vow. A real man is not a man of women, he is contented with his wife, and he doesn't look out for sex outside his matrimonial bedroom. He is not ready to destroy his marriage, his finances, his life and the stability of his home by sleeping around.

3. A real man is a promise keeper. He must promise to love his wife, to take care of her, protect and defend her He must fulfill all the promise he made to her before marriage.

4. A real man is a man of purpose. He knows the reason he was born and he is ready to give it his all.

5. A real man is a man of passion. He does not only have purpose, he has turned his purpose to his passion. He is overwhelmed by his purpose with a burning desire to give it what it takes.

6. A real man is a man of vision. He has a vision, he has a mental picture of what he want his life to be and he knows when he gets there.

7. A real man is a man of prayer. A real man is a solid man on his knees, he doesn't joke with prayers. He prays everyday for his wife, children, business and future.
ww


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Typical Nigerian, somebody is seeking your advice and assistance about his love for 4 women and the way out instead of you guys to advise him on what to do, you guys are more concern about grammatical error he made. You people are nothing but typical Nigeria who instead of solving problem will rather ignited or add more to the problem. This is how you people fail WAEC AND NECO.

Pally don't mind these guys, in email message as long the message can be read and understood, whether you use pigin english, yoruba, ibo etc to write it doesn matter.

As per your affair with 4 women, youngman you have to be very careful, if you want to live long and have peace of mind just pray to God to give you your own woman and forget about all these liabilities you are carrying about. May the Lord save you.

Well she want your money right and you want her kitty right, so my advice is that you guys should reach a compromise. Take her to a lunch and have a tete a tete with her and if she falls, bang bang bang on her and give her some change for the service render so that nobody will be at lose, it will now be a draw game.

Pally be careful oooooo no say I no wan you oooo

There are plenty of different types of relationships in the world of dating. There are some relationships that are only about sexual relations and intimacy. There are other relationships that are simply for fun, bringing together friends as a way to enjoy time together. Finally, there are serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that could easily turn into something special.
It is important for both parties to be open and honest in these serious relationships. If you find that you are in a serious relationship, you need to ask your significant other a few questions.
What Are Your Goals?
If your relationship is starting to get serious, you need to talk about goals. You need to ask your boyfriend about his various goals to understand where you fit in with his life. By talking about his goals, you can work to help him to reach those goals. Try to talk about your own goals as well; this mutual understanding can help to make your relationship stronger.
Am I In Your Future?
If you are in a long and serious relationship, you may have questions about the future. While it may be risky to do so, ask your boyfriend about the future. Ask him if he can see you in his future plans. His answers may help you to better understand the status of your relationship.
What Do You Think About Kids?
As relationships go on, feelings get stronger. You need to make sure that you and your boyfriend are on the same page before you get too emotionally vested. If you want to have kids, talk to him about it. While you are not saying that you want kids right away, you are letting him know that you see kids in your future. If you are on a different page, as far as kids are concerned, you may rethink your relationship.
What Do You Think About Marriage ?
The same can be said for marriage; talk to your boyfriend about his thoughts on marriage. If he says that he never wants to get married, the relationship may not work out for you. You simply need to understand that your feelings on marriage in general are the same.
How Serious Are We?
There is nothing wrong with asking your boyfriend about the seriousness of your relatfamilyparent..comionship. Ask him about the seriousness of your relationship. He may surprise you by telling you that he is more serious that you anticipated. He may also be less serious about your relationship, causing you to question the relationship as a whole.
These are just a few of the questions that you should ask in serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. These questions will help you to have a better understanding of one another; a crucial step in the overall process of a serious relationship. These various questions will help you to understand exactly how serious your relationship
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Child marriage is a sin and should be totally abolished. Children should be allow to grow to an adult before giving them out in marriage, because is not an easy thing as you may think, even God forbid it, because  everything has  is own time, let the child grow up to be able to decide who to marry, dont force your child into marriage because in the long run the consequence will the disastrous.

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Pally this your joke is the joke of the day. Hilary Clinton must not hear this otherwise World Court is waiting for you.

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Wishing him the best of luck, with him as President of Haiti, the country will come to a limelight and more funding from international community

Inability of a woman to conceive may depend on many factors. However with faith and prayer I belief one day you will be able to have a child of your own.  However there are medical and natural methods you can use that will enable you to get pregnant fast. For all of you who are looking for the fruit of the womb  kindly visit the following site on HOW TO GET PREGNANT FAST:www.familyparent..com

At an Annual General Meeting of a Corporate Co.,Mrs Booty was about to deliver speech, she just pollute the air and every body could not bear the odour of this mess,they have to run for their life because the gas was like a dangerous weapon which can cause sickness. Mrs Booty feel ashame and start to apologise to board members to please keep this scenario secret because she could not expect herself to have committed this blunder. Mrs Booty woke up from her sleep, what a terrible nightmare!!, she pray I hope it would not happen in real life.

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this one should be imported for Nija use and make affordable for every Nija or abi no be tortoise vehichle?

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