₦airaland Forum

Got Tech Support

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one,
===============

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet, it's still on my desk, sorry,
===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============

Tech support: ;Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello, I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and.
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it,
============== =

Customer: I have problems printing in red,
Te ch support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah, thank you.
===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A te ddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Te ch support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah, that one does work,
===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
== =============

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry, Internet Explorer.
===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Custom er: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
===============

And last but not least,

Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P " to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P", on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

Super Bowl

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Eagles-Patriots Super Bowl Game in Jacksonville, Florida.

As he sat down, a man approached him and asked him if the seat next to him was available.

"Yes," he said sadly, "the seat is empty".

"This is incredible", exclaimed the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sports event in the world, and not use it ?"

Somberly, the man replied, "Well, the seat actually belongs to me.
I was supposed to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone
else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

Shaking his head he replied, "No. They're all at her funeral."

And u think say me ma sef send u? Sorry to dissappoint. I no fcking send u.

MISSING HUSBAND

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!”

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday.

MISSING HUSBAND

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!”

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday.

how? pls dont go thinking you are all dat girl.

loke an eagle

As a salesman, I was searching for a certain company in unfamiliar territory. I came to a likely-looking road marked with a small red sign reading: Industrial Center. I was not certain that this was the right road, so I drove back to a gas station to inquire.

The attendant took my arm and pointed to the sign that I had just read, now barely discernible in the distance.

“See that little sign about three blocks away?” he asked.

“You mean the red one that says Industrial Center?” I asked.

“Man!” he exclaimed. “You’ve got eyes like an eagle!”

CAUTION!: check lenght


new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully.

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately,I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois,
Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.

However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the SouthPole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us…

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads: “These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.”

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen …” when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty.”

5. “Ho, ho, ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I her’d dat!”

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off!” The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee on the Tooth Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and “It’s a Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like “Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer” and Bing Crosby’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be:Mark Chesnutt’s “Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox,”
Cledus T. Judd’s “All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack,” and Hank Williams Jr.’s “If You Don’t Like Bubba Claus, You Can Shove It.”

Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.

Fix This

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well, then could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."

To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."

"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!"

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"

She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either sleep with him or bake him a cake."

He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"

She replied, "Hellooooo, Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

LITTLE J-J-J-JOHNNY
Little Johnny is sitting in biology class, when his teacher states the fact that only humans stutter, and no other animal in the world does.

Johnny raises his hand and says. "You're wrong, Miss Finch!"

"Really, would you mind telling us why that is Johnny?," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss Finch, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbors' Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "fffff! fffff! fffff!", and before he could say "Bleep!", the dog ate him!"

LITTLE JOHNNY TELLS A STORY
Little Johnny sees his father's car passing the playground and go
into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees his father and his aunt Jane "hugging" in the parked vehicle.

Johnny finds this very exciting and can barely contain himself so he runs home and starts to tell his mother,

"I was at the playground and I saw daddy's car go into the woods with aunt Jane. I went to look for them and I saw daddy giving aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then aunt Jane helped daddy take his pants off, then aunt Jane lay down on the seat, then daddy, "

At this point, Johnny's mother cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Johnny's mother asks him to tell his story, so Johnny starts to talk, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and,

", then daddy and aunt Jane did that same thing mommy and uncle Richard used to do when daddy was in the army."

LITTLE JOHNNY WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN

Little Johnny and Little Lisa are only 10 years old, but they know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Lisa's father to ask for his blessing.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Jones, me and Lisa are in love and I want to ask you for your blessing."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Jones replies, "Well Johnny, you're only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Lisa's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just cute, Mr. Jones says, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. How will you afford food and rent?"

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "With our allowance. Lisa gets 5 bucks a week and I get 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Jones is realizing that Johnny has put much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

He then says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you've got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should kids of your own?"

Johnny shrugs his shoulders and says "We've been lucky so far, "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LITTLE JOHNNY: THE MATH WHIZ
Little Johnny returned from school and saying he got an 'F' in Math.

"Why?" asked his father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"

"But that's right!", said his dad, upset at the injustice.

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking! difference?" asked his dad.

Little Johnny replied "That's exactly what I said!"

LITTLE JOHNNY GRADES ON MY NERVES
Little Johnny was getting bad grades in school. One day
he stepped up to the teacher's desk, and announced, "I don't want to scare you Miss Finch, but daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is gonna get a spanking."

LITTLE JOHNNY'S ESSAY
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

LITTLE JOHNNY CRIES
On the way home from the christening of his baby brother in church, Little Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet and sad.
His father noticed him crying and asked,

"What's wrong, little Johnny?"

Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he
wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want
to stay with you!!"

LITTLE JOHNNY: A DROP IN THE BUCKET

One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water
hole to get some water for cooking dinner.

As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.

"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been
there for years, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as
I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

Bubba

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

Bubba

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

Little Johnny the Conductor

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his toy train as his father cooked dinner.
Little Johnny stopped the train and said, ''All you damn assholes who want to get off, get the hell off. All those who want to get on, get the hell on!''

''Little Johnny!'' exclaimed his father. ''I can't believe you are using that language! You should be ashamed of yourself! I want you to go to your room and don't come back until you have thought about what you've done!''

So Little Johnny goes to his room and comes back an hour or so later.

He resumes playing with his train, only this time when he stops it he says, ''All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get off, you may now get off, and those who want to get on, you may now also get on. And as for those of you who have a problem with the hour delay, talk to the asshole in the kitchen!''

Little Johnny the Conductor

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his toy train as his father cooked dinner.
Little Johnny stopped the train and said, ''All you damn assholes who want to get off, get the hell off. All those who want to get on, get the hell on!''

''Little Johnny!'' exclaimed his father. ''I can't believe you are using that language! You should be ashamed of yourself! I want you to go to your room and don't come back until you have thought about what you've done!''

So Little Johnny goes to his room and comes back an hour or so later.

He resumes playing with his train, only this time when he stops it he says, ''All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get off, you may now get off, and those who want to get on, you may now also get on. And as for those of you who have a problem with the hour delay, talk to the asshole in the kitchen!''

Teaching Math in,



Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his
profit?

Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What
is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M"
of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each
element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots
representing the elements of the set "M". The set
"C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points
than set "M". Represent the set "C" as a subset of set
"M" and answer the following question: What is the
cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your
assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger
makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a
living? Topic for class participation after answering
the question? How did the forest birds and squirrels
feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no
wrong answers.

Teaching Math in 1996:
By laying off 402 of its loggers, a company improves
its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital
gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his
stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no
longer taxed, because this encourages investment.

Teaching Math in 1997:
A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on
benefits and when demand for their product is down the
logging work force can easily be cut back. The average
logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3
weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and
medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50
an hour. Was outsourcing a good move?

Teaching Math in 1998:
A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to
its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the
corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid
half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the
rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its
remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the
spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fellable
trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the
Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the
company from all federal regulation. What is the
return on investment of the lobbying costs?

Rules of the Modern World



If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to press on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to If at first you don't
succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their
level of incompetence.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (The corollary is:
You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive!)
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (Project
Management at its best).

When I get out,
Audience: Adult Humor Rating: Category: Rude Type: Stories
A person reviewing people in an insane asylum walks around and is pleased with what he sees. He starts to review patients to see what they will do when they get out.

He walks up to the first guy and sees him throwing a football around. He automatically knows that he wants to be a football player.

He walks up to another guy and sees him throwing a baseball around. He could automatically tell that he wanted to be a baseball player.

He walks to the next cell and sees a man with his dick in a bowl of peanuts. He flips out and asks what he is doing. The man replies "I'm fucking nuts, I'm never getting out of here!"

Rules of the Modern World



If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to press on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to If at first you don't
succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their
level of incompetence.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (The corollary is:
You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive!)
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (Project
Management at its best).

WARNING: These are RUDE.

Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.

Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.

Q. What's the difference between MouthAction & anal sex?
A. MouthAction makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a LovePeddler?
A. A LovePeddler sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

Q. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling

Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian Mouth Action?
A. You know she'll swallow.

Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.

Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.'

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie,"only you do it yourself.

Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever.

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A. A mechanic!

Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees.

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.

Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade:Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.

Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock.

Q. The three words most hated by men during sex?
A. "Are you In?" or "Is It In?"

Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex
A. "Honey, I'm home!"

Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.

Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went,

Q. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep.
A. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

Q: What's the leading cause of death among lesbians?
A: Hair balls.

Q: What's good on a pizza, but bad on a pussy?
A: Crust.

Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit loves sweet and sour pork.

You are over 21



A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded  all the
cash from the cash drawer.  After the cashier put the cash in a bag,  the robber
saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted  behind the counter on  the shelf.  He
told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he  refused and said "Because
I don't believe you are over 21."  The robber  said he was, but the clerk still
refused to give it to him because he  didn't believe him. At this point the
robber took his drivers license out  of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.  
The clerk looked it over,  and  agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he
put the scotch in the bag.The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly  called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got  off the license.They arrested the robber two hours  later.

37 Pick-up Lines

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.


2. Nice legs, what time do they open?


3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.


4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?


5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?


6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen one?


8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.


9. Want to play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.


10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.


11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.


12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.


13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?


14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.


15. Are those real?


16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.


17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.


18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.


19. (Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.


20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.


21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

2
2. F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?


23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.


24. My name is (name), remember that, you'll be screaming it later.


25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?


26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.


27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.


28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.


29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.


30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?


31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.


32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?


33. Baby, I'm an American Express lover, you shouldn't go home without me.


34. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I


35. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.


36. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.


37. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

chat up Lines
u myte think its rude, but you just myte be lucky.

to da lady

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.


2. Nice legs, what time do they open?


3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.


4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?


5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?


6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen one?


8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.


9. Want to play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.


10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.


11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.


12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.


13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?


14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.


15. Are those real?


16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.


17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.


18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.


19. (Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.


20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.


21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

2
2. F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?


23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.


24. My name is (name), remember that, you'll be screaming it later.


25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?


26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.


27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.


28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.


29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.


30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?


31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.


32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?


33. Baby, I'm an American Express lover, you shouldn't go home without me.


34. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I


35. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.


36. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.


37. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

girl is kaina cute tho

Ben?

@ben & Tess
wat xactly is the deal wit u both?