₦airaland Forum

MISCHIEF



Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report about my
neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is
hiding marijuana inside his
firewood."
"Thank you very
much for the call, sir."
The next
day, the FBI agents descend on
Billy Bob's house. They search
the shed where the firewood is
kept. Using axes, they bust open
ev, ery piece of wood, but find no
marijuana. They swore at Billy
Bob and left, The phone rings
at Billy Bob's house:
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI
come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy"

HUSBAND INSTALLATION
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and FOOTBALL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,

MRS ATTENTION.

Reply:

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: i thoughtyoulovedme.Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5,

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Thank You.

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean #5000?"

old vs young

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him.

The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes.
The old man just stared at him.

The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"

The old man answered, "Well yes, actually I have. I once got drunk and screwed a parrot,
I was just wondering if you were my son!"

Am currently on creme of nature HERBAL RICH

Hi babes,
plz i need suggestions on a good relaxer to use.
Most of the relaxers av tried always tend to change the colour of my hair coupled with fact that my hair breaks a lot.
Any suggestions please?

loooooool.

what could be wrong

false.[/color]
some persons died due to the acid rain.[color=#990000]

My phone.
Am sooo addicted to it.Its da first and last thing i touch everyday.

1. I love rap songs.
2. Am a manchester united fan
3. I vent my emotions by crying even when am excited.
4. Never been crazily in love.
5. Love horror movies

Be time conscious

False.
We have a sense of pride in us.
Its just a minority that are proud.
Facebook is better than nairaland.

Why did it take dis long for you to pick up my call

Is there a problem with my question

Fly away-rooftop mc's

Cnt remain dat shy lil girl of the past,can i?

taylor swift_you belong with me

i wish i could just date a TDH guy.

true
nairaland is an ADDICTION.

why should i be

wow.its been quite some time.i think 2 months ago wen sum1 screamed at mi in d midst of pple.

I hate surfing the net.

dont you think she/[color=#006600][/color]he's just kidding?

I think you should'nt just get a hand cream.
Its more effective if you scrub the palm before applying any hand cream.
You can try this:
Mix a small amount of olive oil with one teaspoon full of sugar.Scrub on your palm for about 3minutes and wash off.
Pat dry and apply hand cream.
I'll also suggest you always apply after getting in contact with water.it worked for me.
Suggested hand cream:
AVON CARE GLYCERINE HAND CREAM
WITH BOTANICAL EXTRACTS+VITAMIN E

God help us.

Definitely the world is gonna come to an end but no man knows when.its beyond human understanding.
Those scientists think they are so smart, they haven't found out how the earth waz built, they already know how it will be destroyed.
Lies!
God did not build this lovely earth for nothing, he built it for us to inhabit it.(Isaiah 45:18)
Its the wicked ones in it that will be erased from the surface of the earth.

Hi guys,
Ive currently made up my mind to go natural by not relaxing my hair anymore.just started 3 months back.but the problem i've been having is my hair breaks a lot,especially when washing, probably because its sooo light&thin.
Are there effective products you would recommend to stop hair breakage?

Crawl_chris brown

My friend quam.