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I've been wallowing in depression for several months now.

I have finally decided to leave my marriage. I started by distancing myself emotionally cos the whole marriage thing just didn't seem to be going anywhere.

My in-laws are all against me now. According to them I'm too stubborn for refusing to live in a family house.

Deep down I know I could never. There are too many reasons for this.

My own family is upset. It's been nine years now and they will back whatever decision I take.

I just need to overcome this depression so I can be productive again.

GeneralOjukwu:
If I read rightly, you already have 2 kids.

Will advise you stick with him. Except you want to be screwing up and down.

Your chances at your age of getting sex or even a partner is low. You will be looking for divorcees/ widowers / become 2nd wife / become sidechick to a married man / sugar mummy to a gigolo.

If the guy himself is a good guy minus the housing issue... billions of men / women have seen horrible things they disliked, couldn't change and yet, had to stay.

This ordinarily would not be a bad idea. However I wonder how my mental health will be when hubby never defends or protects me

If he did all these, I'd have moved in years ago.

Response to a lot of questions asked.

- Yes, hubby is the first child and first soon. There are two boys.

- Hubby has a business but it doesn't bring much.

- He brings some items every week like indomie (5), milk, juice, and a roll of tea.

- He doesn't have a personal building project.

- The house is a personal house, not rented. Hubby has a room there.

She looks 72

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Your channel is still small, that's why. Concentrate on growing it and you'll get better offers in time.

Kobojunkie:
Which one be senior uncles again? Marriage is an agreement between a man and his wife. Why are you consulting these senior uncles where your marriage is concerned?

You both decided to live apart when you got married.... right? So shouldn't the decision to change that be made by you and your husband?

My dad is late, so these men are serving as my fathers

Kobojunkie:
Which one be senior uncles again? Marriage is an agreement between a man and his wife. Why are you consulting these senior uncles where your marriage is concerned?

You both decided to live apart when you got married.... right? So shouldn't the decision to change that be made by you and your husband?

No, we never did. If anything, the church refused to wed us cos he was still living with his folks. They made him get a place because they said they've had too many issues of couples living with inlaws.

We stayed together after marriage for a year, but had to move to stay separately later on. He assured me this separation wouldn't last up to a year and we would get another place, but it's been six years and he's still refusing to move.

Mrkumareze:
Good, go ahead.. make sure you do your best to pull your man out of the family house.. that ll change his reasoning...

Thank you. Yeah, I know it will.

pocohantas:
You guys have been living apart for 6 years, I reckon you have been married for about same number of years. He is 47. Meaning you married a man in his late 30s (maybe early 40s) who was living in his family house. That is not something I would do, it is a very big red flag for me. But if at all I do marry such a man, then I should be ready to live there with him.

The problem I see here is not even him agreeing to join you. The problem is, you married a kept man. He might join you, but I need you to know you’ll shoulder majority of the household bills. I am sure you know this, you probably do not care now because you want you all together as a family. You’ll get that hopefully, but prepare for the second round of wahala.

You’re welcome, Ma.

Yes, I know this, but this is no different from my current situation. At this point, two options are open to me:

- Walk away in search of a man who will shoulder the financial responsibilities 100%

- Hang in there and pray things change.

I choose the latter, not because I'm one pious woman, because trust me, I have my own bad sides, but because I don't want to have my kids for different men.

Marriage is a lot of hard work and if this is my lot to face, then I'll bear it prayerfully.

My husband is a good man who has never raised his hands on me in over eight years. He's also very gentle. So I'll just hang in there while praying (seriously) that things improve.

ImaIma1:
There's a reason why the Bible says that a man shall leave his father and mother...

If I were in your shoes, i would go ahead and get a place and move into knowing and praying that my husband will come around eventually.

By the time he visits and experiences the privacy of a couple/family, he would understand better; being away from prying eyes and interference (whether innocent or not) from family and being able go create your own niche and traditions.

That is what I would do. I don't know about you and your husband.

Yes, that's exactly my plan. He'll definitely come over to see his kids and ill try to pamper him into moving in, while i continue praying

Mrkumareze:
Is your source of income good enough to maintain the rent? If yes, go ahead. You deserve privacy, even your husband can be liberated from family yoke

Yeah, I run two jobs currently and I'm heavy into savings. I've already started saving next year's rent, just in case and have almost 50k saved up.

I plan on saving every month so paying the next year's rent won't stress me.

pocohantas:
Your hubby is good (I assume he is, if not you would have mentioned his bad side).

Your in-laws are welcoming.

But na you just like wahala sha.

So you choose to live in your own family house, away from your husband for 6 years because you don’t want to live in his family house?

You see free house and welcoming in-laws, you wan carry money dash landlord. Can you pay the rent subsequently? Can you manage the home and kids alone? Or you’ll also be needing a help soon. If your husband hasn’t gotten a place all these years, it is because he doesn’t want to! The big question is why. Is he planning on moving directly to his own house or he is just comfortable.

Move to his family house first and plan a future. One that involves you guys having your own space no matter how small.

Ma, I mean no disrespect by this, but are you married? Do you have anyone living with inlaws?

Anyways, there are a lot of things I left out of my post.

No woman would feel comfortable living with inlaws for two reasons:

1. If you have good inlaws then you want to maintain that relationship at all costs. The talk and teeth fight and even good relationships can turn sore.

2. If you have bad inlaws, you will want to keep your space for your peace of mind.

It is well. I appreciate you taking the time to comment though.

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