₦airaland Forum

HitSong:
[s][/s]
A man can only be this mean if something is seriously wrong somewhere... DID YOU CHEAT ON HIM??/

no I didnt , I can't even cheat on him, its a taboo where we are from, married women dont cheat else they will die. cheating is far from it , I can never do such

sophy17:
This man cannot and should never be trusted again by you if you know what you are doing.
So keep him at a safe distance from now on so that you can get your life back on track.

Also note that travelling up and down from one country to another is not the solution to your financial needs. Otherwise, your previous stay in UAE should have proved me wrong. He is now in UK and the situation has not changed but rather worse. So why do you still think it will if you move to Canada? Later you will think the solution is in Australia. Getting a job either, can only give you minimum wage that will lead you no where. So find something you are passionate about, be very good at it and concentrate on it as a business. Thank me later. If you must travel out, it must only be to get more skills or visit.
I can mentor you as per business and you can't go wrong. And never expect that I will ask you for your 1 naira. [color=#000099][/color]
You already have 3 kids and that's a full hand already. So you have a lot of work to do.

I know it will be difficult to forget about this man but in the circumstance it is the best thing to do not just now but finally so that you can break the yoke.
A wrong marriage will only produce wrong results.

thank you for your kind advice, it ll b a honour to learn from you regarding how to grow my business. that will really go a long way for me .. will mail you ma/sir

Graxie:
You failed to do your homework well, you just wanted to be married. You forgave lying first, that Canada stuff was a big red flag, you forgave no visitation and abuse, you forgave cheating, then you got a job and gave it up because you were missing your kids. Now he has abandon you and the kids, you are a graduate, your kind of reasoning is horrible. You are suppose to know that children less than 18 will definitely be with there mom according to our law, all you needed was a good lawyer and that job you missed. He knows you are the materialistic type, no wonder he promised you UK vacation without the kids just to mess you up. Madam wake up, once beaten twice shy, marriage is for adults who are ready to take responsibilities. What you have is not marriage, you were living in fantasy. I pity your parents for the trauma they might be going through because of your foolish decisions. Everything about this guy smells of scam, yet you couldn't see it. Better be serious with your sewing business while you continue to look out for better alternative. The fault is all yours.

honestly you are right about everything , what u said is painful but that is the actual truth, now my father blamed me ,he doesnt even want to listen to anything ,he said I shldnt bring my three children to him .while I was away I wasn't allowed to see my kids ,traditionally they said the kids belongs to my husband and I can only take the female child away but even at that he didnt even allow me take my daughter. he knew if he purnish me with the kids I ll come running back and he won .my father still blame me for everything and said I didn't give them enough time to investigate his family before marriage ,I was 22 and trust me I didnt really know much,I dont even know what the word RED Flag means , the signs were there and obvious but I was too dumb to notice that ..now its late and I dont know what to do ,business isnt even growing that much as the proceed from it I use in providing food .. I feel so down,wish I can turn back the hands of time

alfa0:
Hmmmmm.
I will advice you not to run into fast conclusion yet.i will I am on the road now.
I will digest your reply and we see the way forward.
Quick questions.
1. After the introduction, was any formal wedding conducted.be it traditional or church wedding.

2.you mean his people came for the introduction in his absence and younand your people accepted.

Honestly,I can see the hand writing on the wall, like I said ,once am free ,we will address it and know the way forward.

yes his family did the Introduction on his behalf but he was around for our wedding ..we had both traditional and church wedding ..thanks

obiekunie2:
sorry to ask ma - since you already know how to secure your own visa, why cant you arrange for your own trip - as in travel out on ur own. Is it that you cant afford the cost of traveling out on ur own?

its expensive , I know all the procedure but its finances that is the issue , and you know I can't do that with three kids and I do not have the heart to leave my kids over here and relocate abroad, you know such steps takes years before one can secure a permanent stay ,no one can take care of my kids better than I ...its not easy like that

queenfav:
ENo be swear, na love. Or better still , he may be a champ in the other room.

I have three kids already, where ll I start from , I have really endured enough , if only he can stand up to the responsibilities of his children , trust me I'm done

Officialgarri:
Mrs Abu, your issue is not one that conclusions could be made hastily.
Infact many wives would have set all hell loose.
I personally would have advised that you should have retailiated by seizing his international passport, or just cause some kind of havoc that will hold him back in Nigeria .... or restrict his freedom

But while I acknowledge and appreciate your tolerance according ''to your own side of the story", it would be easier if we could hear your husband's side of the story.

I mean, there are things you could be doing that's making your hubby abhor and avoid you.

How's your attitude like around him?
Does he complain about you being stubborn?
What exactly has he tried to stop you from doing but you wouldn't listen?

he is also a nairalander ,if only he can see this post and tell me my offence , im not saying I'm a perfect being but I know for sure that I have not offended him in any ways, as a matter of fact he was the one that had offended , for three years I was in Nigeria ,hubby was cohabiting with another woman untill he they had issues and he beat her up, she lost two tooth and got into a problem.with UAE police , the ugly lady contacted me and she seems to know so much about me , things I shared with my hubby she is aware of everything in my home ,this was part of the reason why we had some crisis in June and also part where I got a job in abj added to it ..I forgave him and moved on .
I couldn't ve seized his passport,he told me he was making plans for us to go on a short vacation to UK to make it up to me for the pain he caused me , when the visa came out he said he needed to return to UAe to finish up so business so he can be free to travel and then boom., he went to UK just like that and right now he isnt communicating wit his family ..
ok let's assume I did something wrong , what about his children , didnt he consider them at all, what offence did the committed against him for him to turn his back on them like this

obiekunie2:
he suspects u r cheating on him. he feels that last child is not his own

n

no , the last child is his carbon coby , no denial and where I'm from in kogi state , its a taboo for married women to cheat , I guess that's the more reason why he is doing all this

alfa0:
@Mrsabuh1

There are so many mystery around your marriage that one needs to unravel before advising you.

1. For the period you lived with him on UAE,what was the relationship like.
2. What job does he do.
3.You said you have successfully travelled down to Nigeria to give birth on two occasions before this third one.please tell us what happened during this third trip.
4.You said you guys almost went the divorce way.Why...What happened.....How was this issue settled ,if it was actually settled.

Note that some men are very rigid when they take decisions.i strongly believe something must have transpired.
But whatever that have happened,I still feel he should have come out clean and clearly on the situation instead of running away from his shadows. Of course ,he can never run away from. His Shadow

thank you for your response , I met him while at school while he was graduating and I was entering the university, he helped out with my registration process and I just grew fond of him, he didnt ask me out at that time untill we met again on fb when I was in 300l , I discovered he was out of the country but he told me he was in Canada, we did lots of video calls through Skype and yahoo messenger and that was how the relationship started ,when I was preparing for my final year exam he visited the country and proposed ,after my exam and project defence his people came for my introduction on his behalf , I was meant to visit him after the introduction and also get some things for the wedding as plans are setting in place ,he called to informed me that his company had transferred him from Canada to their branch in Dubai ,he works in a shipping company even till date my mom still attach Canada to his name as a saved contact, when I went to UAE I went through his passport and didnt see any Canadian stamp and it was later I discovered that he had never been to Canada before but I forgave him for lying to me ... the first child was conceived during my nysc ,I already made arrangement for that but he said I need to go home and have the baby since its my first and also by the time in giving birth it ll b same period when I will ve to attend my passing out parade ,
second child was conceived when my first was 7months old and that period he lost his job so he was taking out the frustration on me , I was always visiting the hospital due to one complication or the other I suffered after he hit me for allowing a church member to visit me , he had made it plain that he doesnt accommodate friends ,when I reported to my parents my father told him to come home so I can b taken care off .
third pregnancy was during buhari regime when ban was imposed on some imported goods ,he was already into cargo and logisitics so business that year was bad I saw it and understood with him.after the third child he went and canceled our visa without informing me
the major problem was the issue of job ,I got one in abj and he said I'm not going to take his kids anywhere,my parents weren't having it and during the meetings with my parents he asked me to stay behind and not follow him back home because my father I shld take the job and leave the marriage ,after a while I gave up the job because I was missing my children ,I wasn't allow to take them and even my parents said I shldnt bring his children to their house let him be responsible for them ..it was after we settled that he opened a tailoring shop for me and then the issue of UK came in ..

Please I seek advice from experts here as I'm lost and devastated over this issue, please bear with me as my story is a little bit long.

This is the 7th year of my marriage and the union is blessed with three kids, hubby and I stayed in UAE, but whenever I'm pregnant I come down to have my kids due to cost and also I ll be needing helping hands after delivery, it happened that when I came down to have my last child 3years ago as usual, I was preparing to return to UAE , I discovered that my Husband had canceled the resident visa for myself and our two kids, when I confronted him he said he is making plans to leave UAE and there was no point for us coming back and also business isn't moving as usual so taking care of us will cause a strain on his finances. At first I felt bad and cried about it but later I accepted my fate and moved on.

First plan was for me to apply for Canada study visa, the plan was to go with my last child and after sometimes hubby and my other kids can join me later, I got admitted into a Canadian college but when the time for visa processing hubby pulled out that we should go the express entry way, I accepted and started with registering for ielts tutorials which I did for 5 weeks, and to God b the glory I aced my exam. It was left for him to write his as he ll be standing as the primary applicant since he has lots of job experience but along the line he pulled out again and said everyone is going to Canada and he ll work out something different.

Last year he applied for US visa he was denied, he applied for Germany too, still denied. While he was doing all this I was alone in Nigeria with the kids while he stays in UAE but visits every 5 months. This year June, we had some issues that would ve resulted to divorce but we settled it with the help of some elders so he said he was going to make up for his mistake by applying for UK for both of us so we can just take a vacation to London, of course I was excited and looking up for the trip.

He applied for UK visa for both of us and lucky they granted us 6 months, I was already getting set and looking forward to the trip when he said he needed to rush down to UAE as he has some unfinished business, two days after he left I saw him updated his fb and the location was showing UK, he left without me and he didn't even inform me that he ll b going until he got there. When I confronted him he came up with the excuse that he needed to meet with some companies over investment so that way he can process resident permits for everyone at home so we all come over there at once, two days later he told me he got a job.

it's been 2 months over there already, we filed our stay for 10 days when applying for the visa and I know what he has done is messing his future chances up, now he doesn't do video call, won't pick my calls when I call at my own time, from 7pm he isn't active as no way I can reach him, before now the only time he put a call across is when he is in a bus .. I confronted him over all this and guess what,he has stopped talking to me, Wont reply my chats or even talk to me yet he reads them, our sons bday was 4 days ago and he couldn't even call to speak with him or wish him happy birthday.

I'm so confused, this is the man that I have lost lot of jobs opportunity for simply because he doesnt want me to work, I learnt fashion designing so it won't be like I'm staying at home doing nothing, I run a fashion store but trust me I'm not feeling it because its not what I'm meant to do ..

In two months time I will b 30 and you know how Nigerian systems works, the older you get, the lesser chances of getting a job I dont even know what to do with myself, please advise me what to do?

I'd also like those who ve an idea of how the system in UK works to tell me how long it takes for one to b granted residential permits in the UK so I ll know when all this will end or if it ll ever end so I can make my next move
also how possible it is for one to land UK and in two days he is already working .

I feel used, I feel like hubby used me to secure a visa and I was never in his plans..I reported the issues to our family already and he Told them all he did was for the future of myself and the kids and I shld endure but I do not know for how long..,I'm tired of this distsnce marriage ,its been 3years in distance marriage and its been hell for me.

MOD please help me post this