Are you people career traveller couple

sophy17:
This man cannot and should never be trusted again by you if you know what you are doing.
So keep him at a safe distance from now on so that you can get your life back on track.

Also note that travelling up and down from one country to another is not the solution to your financial needs. Otherwise, your previous stay in UAE should have proved me wrong. He is now in UK and the situation has not changed but rather worse. So why do you still think it will if you move to Canada? Later you will think the solution is in Australia. Getting a job either, can only give you minimum wage that will lead you no where. So find something you are passionate about, be very good at it and concentrate on it as a business. Thank me later. If you must travel out, it must only be to get more skills or visit.
I can mentor you as per business and you can't go wrong. And never expect that I will ask you for your 1 naira. [color=#000099][/color]
You already have 3 kids and that's a full hand already. So you have a lot of work to do.

I know it will be difficult to forget about this man but in the circumstance it is the best thing to do not just now but finally so that you can break the yoke.
A wrong marriage will only produce wrong results.

thank you for your kind advice, it ll b a honour to learn from you regarding how to grow my business. that will really go a long way for me .. will mail you ma/sir

tiwiex:


Most logical explanation so far. However, I find it strange everyone is advising her to move to Canada. Is Nigeria really so bad?

Nigeria is not that bad but that was her initial plan. Which is why I said she should pursue it.

HitSong:
[s][/s]
A man can only be this mean if something is seriously wrong somewhere... DID YOU CHEAT ON HIM??/

no I didnt , I can't even cheat on him, its a taboo where we are from, married women dont cheat else they will die. cheating is far from it , I can never do such

[quote author=extremelygolden post=84274448][/quote]


Oh, now I see where the sympathy is coming from

extremelygolden:
Hmmm. Please try the Canadian stuff again, for you and the children. When he hears you have immigrated, he'll try to contact you.

Then what will happen? She will come back and the cycle will continue?

Men should be honest with their women.

deltateam:


Then what will happen? She will come back and the cycle will continue?

Men should be honest with their women.

No one is coming back to anybody. Isn't it obvious the man has another family?

Of course he'll try to contact his wife as soon as he hears she has eventually left the country.

Berankis:
First, I feel ashamed that there are men who treat their wives like this. I may not be making any mistake to say that your husband is treacherous. The earlier you can start preparing yourself for a future without (or with him but Independently) the better you and your kids too.
My dear this your husband na one chance and I feel ashamed. I feel sorry for you.
Please, discuss with your parents and family members that can help you with your relocating abroad, most importantly because of your kids.
God help you!

I am deeply pained. Some people don't have human feelings, haba!!! I can never abandon my family with kids too. This is so cold.

eltata:

I am deeply pained. Some people don't have human feelings, haba!!! I can never abandon my family with kids too. This is so cold.

She's dealing with a con man...They can be so cold and cruel...They just walk away no problems...Lesson; Always try and settle things between ur spouses and ur family coz when the chips are down family stands for family.
Lastly,U can't go to the UK with a 6months tourist visa and get a legit Job na,a work permit must be inclusive with at least a 1year multiple Visa.
MrsAbu,It's really disgusting u're still asking if you were scammed or so?!
You Better take the bull by the horn.
Your so called husband is an Absolute nutcase madam deal with it.

Hmmmm

Mrsabuh1:

thank you for your kind advice, it ll b a honour to learn from you regarding how to grow my business. that will really go a long way for me .. will mail you ma/sir

I read up there that the man opened a tailoring shop for you, Why don't you start from there?
You knew your husband more than all nairaland members, so you know the type of advice that can help you.

At this moment in your life, you have to be very careful bc you will be surprised to know that many people are even worse than your husband.

Your husband was wrong for not telling you everything.

.

Infact go to this thread " living in uk/ life in UK as an immigrant"
Tell them your story and how u will like to stop him getting established in uk as u think he left u and the kids for another woman there.
Tag Lexus430 and justwise.

Just do anything they say u should do.

Good luck

Mrsabuh1:


honestly you are right about everything , what u said is painful but that is the actual truth, now my father blamed me ,he doesnt even want to listen to anything ,he said I shldnt bring my three children to him .while I was away I wasn't allowed to see my kids ,traditionally they said the kids belongs to my husband and I can only take the female child away but even at that he didnt even allow me take my daughter. he knew if he purnish me with the kids I ll come running back and he won .my father still blame me for everything and said I didn't give them enough time to investigate his family before marriage ,I was 22 and trust me I didnt really know much,I dont even know what the word RED Flag means , the signs were there and obvious but I was too dumb to notice that ..now its late and I dont know what to do ,business isnt even growing that much as the proceed from it I use in providing food .. I feel so down,wish I can turn back the hands of time

Ha! Sorry sister...I wish you all the best.

Mrsabuh1:
Please I seek advice from experts here as I'm lost and devastated over this issue, please bear with me as my story is a little bit long.

This is the 7th year of my marriage and the union is blessed with three kids, hubby and I stayed in UAE, but whenever I'm pregnant I come down to have my kids due to cost and also I ll be needing helping hands after delivery, it happened that when I came down to have my last child 3years ago as usual, I was preparing to return to UAE , I discovered that my Husband had canceled the resident visa for myself and our two kids, when I confronted him he said he is making plans to leave UAE and there was no point for us coming back and also business isn't moving as usual so taking care of us will cause a strain on his finances. At first I felt bad and cried about it but later I accepted my fate and moved on.

First plan was for me to apply for Canada study visa, the plan was to go with my last child and after sometimes hubby and my other kids can join me later, I got admitted into a Canadian college but when the time for visa processing hubby pulled out that we should go the express entry way, I accepted and started with registering for ielts tutorials which I did for 5 weeks, and to God b the glory I aced my exam. It was left for him to write his as he ll be standing as the primary applicant since he has lots of job experience but along the line he pulled out again and said everyone is going to Canada and he ll work out something different.

Last year he applied for US visa he was denied, he applied for Germany too, still denied. While he was doing all this I was alone in Nigeria with the kids while he stays in UAE but visits every 5 months. This year June, we had some issues that would ve resulted to divorce but we settled it with the help of some elders so he said he was going to make up for his mistake by applying for UK for both of us so we can just take a vacation to London, of course I was excited and looking up for the trip.

He applied for UK visa for both of us and lucky they granted us 6 months, I was already getting set and looking forward to the trip when he said he needed to rush down to UAE as he has some unfinished business, two days after he left I saw him updated his fb and the location was showing UK, he left without me and he didn't even inform me that he ll b going until he got there. When I confronted him he came up with the excuse that he needed to meet with some companies over investment so that way he can process resident permits for everyone at home so we all come over there at once, two days later he told me he got a job.

it's been 2 months over there already, we filed our stay for 10 days when applying for the visa and I know what he has done is messing his future chances up, now he doesn't do video call, won't pick my calls when I call at my own time, from 7pm he isn't active as no way I can reach him, before now the only time he put a call across is when he is in a bus .. I confronted him over all this and guess what,he has stopped talking to me, Wont reply my chats or even talk to me yet he reads them, our sons bday was 4 days ago and he couldn't even call to speak with him or wish him happy birthday.

I'm so confused, this is the man that I have lost lot of jobs opportunity for simply because he doesnt want me to work, I learnt fashion designing so it won't be like I'm staying at home doing nothing, I run a fashion store but trust me I'm not feeling it because its not what I'm meant to do ..

In two months time I will b 30 and you know how Nigerian systems works, the older you get, the lesser chances of getting a job I dont even know what to do with myself, please advise me what to do?

I'd also like those who ve an idea of how the system in UK works to tell me how long it takes for one to b granted residential permits in the UK so I ll know when all this will end or if it ll ever end so I can make my next move
also how possible it is for one to land UK and in two days he is already working .

I feel used, I feel like hubby used me to secure a visa and I was never in his plans..I reported the issues to our family already and he Told them all he did was for the future of myself and the kids and I shld endure but I do not know for how long..,I'm tired of this distsnce marriage ,its been 3years in distance marriage and its been hell for me.

MOD please help me post this

Please Madan, what was your behaviour towards your husband while in UAE, did you throw away your respect for your husband and started flexing muscles with him just because the govt of the country gave women a lot of powers and right? From your story, I think u were very stubborn to your husband and may have threaten to take him to the authorities over there. Your husband is only afraid to lose his family and all he has laboured if he takes you there with him because you have known the rights of women in the western world and will use it against him one day. Some of our African women becomes a sorrow/nightmare to their husbands when he out of his sweat, struggle to take his wife over there in abroad because of the love he has for her.

Irrespective of what her behavior was, does he sound like someone that deserves respect? N supposing she got no respect, so he drifted to another lady with more respect, why did he end up fighting with the new lady, sotay she lost two teeth? The common factor is the man. He needs to respect himself, his marital vows and other people. Respect begets respect.

Naijaonfire:
Please Madan, what was your behaviour towards your husband while in UAE, did you throw away your respect for your husband and started flexing muscles with him just because the govt of the country gave women a lot of powers and right? From your story, I think u were very stubborn to your husband and may have threaten to take him to the authorities over there. Your husband is only afraid to lose his family and all he has laboured if he takes you there with him because you have known the rights of women in the western world and will use it against him one day. Some of our African women becomes a sorrow/nightmare to their husbands when he out of his sweat, struggle to take his wife over there in abroad because of the love he has for her.

Officialgarri:
Mrs Abu, your issue is not one that conclusions could be made hastily.
Infact many wives would have set all hell loose.
I personally would have advised that you should have retailiated by seizing his international passport, or just cause some kind of havoc that will hold him back in Nigeria .... or restrict his freedom

But while I acknowledge and appreciate your tolerance according ''to your own side of the story", it would be easier if we could hear your husband's side of the story.

I mean, there are things you could be doing that's making your hubby abhor and avoid you.

How's your attitude like around him?
Does he complain about you being stubborn?
What exactly has he tried to stop you from doing but you wouldn't listen?

That's not how marriage works. A husband/father doesn't just abandon his responsibility/family with the excuse that she is stubborn or has attitude or for one silly reason or the other. Is he perfect and without annoying flaws himself?

You accept your spouse with the good and bad and try to work together as a team. And not just bail like a coward.

egwekwe:
This is your side of the story.. If we ask your husband I'm sure he'll as his as well .

But as married couple, you're meant to be honest with yourselves.

He should have told you he's going to UK. There's no excuse for that but then he might be struggling financially and not able to fund your travelling . Some african man feels egoistic about this type of issue.

Anytime he's back in Nigeria, tell him how you feel.. Tell him you're completely fed up and depressed.


His reaction should answer you.

In the meantime, get a job and continue with your life

You guys make husbands seem like a God or higher being that cannot be questioned or reproached for doing wrong.

cococandy:


Who’s raising you people?

The house help and gate man

tabithababy:
.


Just look at how your husband has been wasting your future, he doesn't want you to be successful in life

Your father already told you to go for the Abuja job and leave your kids, you refused. ......... So what happened finally?? No Abuja job, deserted the kids, no husband

It's not easy for a mother to just leave her kids. The kids could grow up and harbour resentment in their hearts for her especially if their dad tells them things to discredit her.

Lalakas:
Go get a job esle I see it only getting worst. You were not adding financial value, plus he is a liar and sorry tou may not have known him really for that 7 years.

How did he get a job in the UK with a 6 months visiting visa? You don't sound intelligent, so you believed him?

My advise, look for a job fast, get busy and stop chasing shadows, you even wanted to study in Canada on him? But you said his business wasn't booming. Hmmm, girls/women easily get scammed when they fail to build themselves but wait for made men to feed and meet their needs.

If you don't get a value, this man will never value you .

Was the bolded necessary? Do you have to be derogatory? Na wa o. You are not intelligent for speaking in such manner.

Mrsabuh1:
Please I seek advice from experts here as I'm lost and devastated over this issue, please bear with me as my story is a little bit long.

This is the 7th year of my marriage and the union is blessed with three kids, hubby and I stayed in UAE, but whenever I'm pregnant I come down to have my kids due to cost and also I ll be needing helping hands after delivery, it happened that when I came down to have my last child 3years ago as usual, I was preparing to return to UAE , I discovered that my Husband had canceled the resident visa for myself and our two kids, when I confronted him he said he is making plans to leave UAE and there was no point for us coming back and also business isn't moving as usual so taking care of us will cause a strain on his finances. At first I felt bad and cried about it but later I accepted my fate and moved on.

First plan was for me to apply for Canada study visa, the plan was to go with my last child and after sometimes hubby and my other kids can join me later, I got admitted into a Canadian college but when the time for visa processing hubby pulled out that we should go the express entry way, I accepted and started with registering for ielts tutorials which I did for 5 weeks, and to God b the glory I aced my exam. It was left for him to write his as he ll be standing as the primary applicant since he has lots of job experience but along the line he pulled out again and said everyone is going to Canada and he ll work out something different.

Last year he applied for US visa he was denied, he applied for Germany too, still denied. While he was doing all this I was alone in Nigeria with the kids while he stays in UAE but visits every 5 months. This year June, we had some issues that would ve resulted to divorce but we settled it with the help of some elders so he said he was going to make up for his mistake by applying for UK for both of us so we can just take a vacation to London, of course I was excited and looking up for the trip.

He applied for UK visa for both of us and lucky they granted us 6 months, I was already getting set and looking forward to the trip when he said he needed to rush down to UAE as he has some unfinished business, two days after he left I saw him updated his fb and the location was showing UK, he left without me and he didn't even inform me that he ll b going until he got there. When I confronted him he came up with the excuse that he needed to meet with some companies over investment so that way he can process resident permits for everyone at home so we all come over there at once, two days later he told me he got a job.

it's been 2 months over there already, we filed our stay for 10 days when applying for the visa and I know what he has done is messing his future chances up, now he doesn't do video call, won't pick my calls when I call at my own time, from 7pm he isn't active as no way I can reach him, before now the only time he put a call across is when he is in a bus .. I confronted him over all this and guess what,he has stopped talking to me, Wont reply my chats or even talk to me yet he reads them, our sons bday was 4 days ago and he couldn't even call to speak with him or wish him happy birthday.

I'm so confused, this is the man that I have lost lot of jobs opportunity for simply because he doesnt want me to work, I learnt fashion designing so it won't be like I'm staying at home doing nothing, I run a fashion store but trust me I'm not feeling it because its not what I'm meant to do ..

In two months time I will b 30 and you know how Nigerian systems works, the older you get, the lesser chances of getting a job I dont even know what to do with myself, please advise me what to do?

I'd also like those who ve an idea of how the system in UK works to tell me how long it takes for one to b granted residential permits in the UK so I ll know when all this will end or if it ll ever end so I can make my next move
also how possible it is for one to land UK and in two days he is already working .

I feel used, I feel like hubby used me to secure a visa and I was never in his plans..I reported the issues to our family already and he Told them all he did was for the future of myself and the kids and I shld endure but I do not know for how long..,I'm tired of this distsnce marriage ,its been 3years in distance marriage and its been hell for me.

MOD please help me post this

Quietly migrate to Canada

FrLukas:


Would it kill the man if he had explained that to his wife?

He has a responsibility to the family he started. He can't just up and disappear from their lives like they never existed in the first place.

It is a different thing if he and his wife had agreed that he would go first. Why the deception?

you have not met some adamant women before he made up his mind to do such . Some women are not ready to listen no matter how hard you try to explain to them .These days i just wonder the kind of women we have out there many just choose to ignore the truth .I have seen a situation where the wife was quarreling with the man to sell his house in Ajah so they can use the proceeds to relocate out of the country ,when many people out of the country are toiling day and night to even own a property on the mainland .Many think relocating abroad is an achievement of some sort

srclark:
you have not met some adamant women before he made up his mind to do such . Some women are not ready to listen no matter how hard you try to explain to them .These days i just wonder the kind of women we have out there many just choose to ignore the truth .I have seen a situation where the wife was quarreling with the man to sell his house in Ajah so they can use the proceeds to relocate out of the country ,when many people out of the country are toiling day and night to even own a property on the mainland .Many think relocating abroad is an achievement of some sort

Are you saying that it is ok to cheat and deceive if your spouse disagrees with you on certain issues?
These same people occupy a one room apartment with three other people to come back to live in a house for four weeks once a year.

God abeg I no want this kind man. Chai.... ure too young for all this and u married very early o. Men feel dey Av d monopoly to treat their wives anyhow

MrsAbuh1, I am so sorry to read about your ordeals. Your husband isn’t a trustworthy person and obviously doesn’t want something great for you.
1. He cancelled your residence visa in Dubai
2. He stopped your Canadian student visa, suggested you go the Express entry route which was a great advice but pulled out.
3. Used you to get a Uk visa then lied to you about where he was going only to be found in the country you both planned to go to.

Hmmmmm, you need to take charge of your life. Apply for the Express entry even if you have don’t have lots of experience but has experience in a relevant job, you can go ahead. You may be lucky to get a nomination from a province. You already aced your IELTS, Don’t let the experience be a stumbling block, your one year nysc experience can also count. Go back to the drawing board, take a decision and follow through. Read through the Express entry thread on this forum and get started. I wish you all the very best.

Mindfulness:


Are you saying that it is ok to cheat and deceive if your spouse disagrees with you on certain issues?
These same people occupy a one room apartment with three other people to come back to live in a house for four weeks once a year.

no deceit here the man is only facing the obvious truth .It is like using both feet to test the depth of a river .I see no biggie in the man going first getting a job and a decent accommodation before the rest of the family comes .Besides the man might not even like the uk setting eventually

srclark:
no deceit here the man is only facing the obvious truth .It is like using both feet to test the depth of a river .I see no biggie in the man going first getting a job and a decent accommodation before the rest of the family comes .Besides the man might not even like the uk setting eventually

Here is the summary of what actually happened:

Prettiepearlz:
MrsAbuh1, I am so sorry to read about your ordeals. Your husband isn’t a trustworthy person and obviously doesn’t want something great for you.
1. He cancelled your residence visa in Dubai
2. He stopped your Canadian student visa, suggested you go the Express entry route which was a great advice but pulled out.
3. Used you to get a Uk visa then lied to you about where he was going only to be found in the country you both planned to go to.

Hmmmmm, you need to take charge of your life. Apply for the Express entry even if you have don’t have lots of experience but has experience in a relevant job, you can go ahead. You may be lucky to get a nomination from a province. You already aced your IELTS, Don’t let the experience be a stumbling block, your one year nysc experience can also count. Go back to the drawing board, take a decision and follow through. Read through the Express entry thread on this forum and get started. I wish you all the very best.

And yes, it is perfectly normal to find out about your husband's whereabouts on Facebook.

Mindfulness:


Here is the summary of what actually happened:



And yes, it is perfectly normal to find out about your husband's whereabouts on Facebook.

read the summary of what you wrote above you don't need a voodoo priest or a scientist to tell you that the finances are not there .WHy will he not cancel the residence in dubai cost of living in dubai is so high if you are not earning enough imagine paying close to 250k a month to stay out of town (ajman sharjah) she should try to be on the same page with her husband .Even if the man has the money to relocate all of them to the uk is it not advisable for the man to go first and put things in place before the others come not just moving with your wife and children at once

srclark:
read the summary of what you wrote above you don't need a voodoo priest or a scientist to tell you that the finances are not there .WHy will he not cancel the residence in dubai cost of living in dubai is so high if you are not earning enough imagine paying close to 250k a month to stay out of town (ajman sharjah) she should try to be on the same page with her husband .Even if the man has the money to relocate all of them to the uk is it not advisable for the man to go first and put things in place before the others come not just moving with your wife and children at once

He is still a liar. If you think it is ok to leave your wife with three children and not tell her where you are going something is fundamentally wrong with you.

Mindfulness:


Here is the summary of what actually happened:



And yes, it is perfectly normal to find out about your husband's whereabouts on Facebook.

If the relocation is so important to her she can as well use her finances to relocate herself and the children very simple matter