I like it a lot.

I apologise greatly for the long absence.

I have been super busy with work.

I recently got a huge promotion and needed time to get familiar with the role and my team members.

Will update as soon as I can.


Thanks.

Humchi:
I have been visiting this thread reading about others, i saw alot of post on how to fit in.

I tried my best, i couldn't. I think i am the worst introvert.
I remember those days i move alone, stay all day at home, doing what i love without trying to fit in into perceptions. I see those days as peaceful and happy days.

Now i am deeply depressed, because i want to be social, i saw my limits, blunders, and how people view me and how i do. It is very different.

I have made up my mind to return to my true self.

When ever i remember thoughs good and happy days, i feel like crying.

I don't care what ever anyone is going to say about me being an asshole.

I'm done.

You are right to stop trying to fit in...it doesn't work, trust me. I did that for years but sadness and depression were my usual playmates each time I tried.

Introverts should stop trying to be what they are not. One need not be a social genius to succeed and live a very meaningful life. Not being very sociable doesn't mean one should become anti social.

You can be introverted and still relate well with people.

Drizzle007:
Hey.. i am an extreme introvert. Peoples first impression about me is either pride or 'forming'. This is not so, i actually yearn to show mad love to people and connect. I also feel limited most times. Having potentials and not being able to fully implement it in the society because i don't want to get noticed or fear of embarrassment. I always feel empty because i am most times alone. i have decided to accept my fate and get used to being reserved. Introverted nature helps me reflect on things, but i want to live a normal live too. This has driven me into depression and sometimes i have suicidal thoughts. This is not a cry for help. I just need answers, solutions, prayers, literally anything at all. Extreme introverts are mostly depressed.

smiles...

I was exactly you growing up. The feelings and fears you described I felt...but only a bit more. It gets better with time though but how soon depends greatly on when you are ready to face your demons.

safarigirl:
very silly

Especially because they work on the assumption that everyone is morally bankrupt and has zero sense of decency.

I have zero body count, so nobody should say "don't disclose body count' to me, as if I used to work as a prostitute. And most girls may not have that high a body count, so, why not disclose it? What is the point of being with someone if you cannot tell them everything? How can trust be established in the midst of secrets?

Spot on. I tell my wife everything that goes on with me. My health condition, sources of income, all my bank accounts, my passwords, my inner struggles...you name it and chances are she knows already.

The dos and don'ts about marriages these days is just silly.

Sacrifice!

Thanks @Xzbit91 for the mention. Not sure I have come across this thread before.

Will update soon...been super busy.

Backfornow:
Probably one of the top 3 meaningful threads for me.
Very informative.
How are you able to network effectively? This is something that I struggle with. I do not want to think of how many opportunities I have let slip by me bc of my introverted and shy nature.

Hi,

Every introvert struggle with the ability to network...I guess that's the primary reason we are tagged: introverts. It is okay to be introverted but it is never okay to allow it dictate how you live your life. Recall I alluded that one can be introverted and achieve his or her goals? This same principle applies in the area of networking.

Take each networking opportunity as a goal or target and work hard to achieve them. Note that, more often than not, introverts do not know how to deal with a 'No' response. Answering in the negative tend to push introverts further into their shells. This is an area every introvert must work hard to overcome otherwise we would never achieve as much as we ought to.

When I network and I do not get a favourable response, I try not to allow it get to me or take it too personal. My approach is to learn from every encounter whether favourable or not. With each passing encounter, I develop this ability to reach out to people whenever necessary. Note that developing this ability does nothing to take away that choking feeling but helps us deal with it better.

Ask yourself which is better: to try and fail or not to try at all? If you do not try you would never know if you would have been successful or not.

Phinagold:
Thanks for the post even though it wasn't meant for me. Please can you help me with the Total E&P aptitude and technical test past questions I was invited for it, please help a friend. Thanks

Hi,

You can get practice verbal and quantitative reasoning questions here:


https://www.dropbox.com/sh/meieiks3xl9okfw/AAC1sI6bxIpo0tWyaQsdJ6ZFa?dl=0

For the technical part, I am not sure how. Check the link below for help:

https://www.nairaland.com/4500715/total-nigeria-plc-massive-graduate/43

leks4sure:
Thanks

Well, from your post it seems you do not struggle with verbal fluency but pronunciation difficulties. Not sure how bad this difficulty is but I don't think it necessarily will deprive you of getting employed in a company of your choice unless the difficulty you explained directly impedes your ability to deliver on assigned tasks...if not then I don't think you should worry much.

People will always laugh at something they consider amusing irrespective of how much hurt it causes someone else but I would advise that you learn to overlook it. Sometimes it helps not to take yourself too seriously. Do not allow someone's misguided amusement detract you from achieving your target.

You intern there for a reason...write out all you want to achieve during your internship period and match against what you believe you have achieved so far. If there is a shortfall then you know you need to work extra to achieve your aim. This way, your thoughts would be directed to what's important i.e achieving your goals. The best way to get back at people who laugh at us is to succeed.

Unless I lack a proper understanding of the challenge you explained, I don't think you missed the graduate internship opportunity because of the peculiarity you described. It probably may be as a result of something else...I may be wrong though. One way of knowing would be to get a feedback from them on your performance at the interview. This is best done at the end of the interview though.

In all, try to be calm when you talk. If you have an interview and you believe your interviewers may have difficulties focusing on the substance of what you say because of your difficulty then mention your difficulty to them before you begin, assuring them it has no impact on your ability to deliver. This way, they may be forced to move beyond the nature of your speech to the substance of what you say. Try also to be very confident...confidence comes with a mastery of your technical area.

If I have sometime, I may share with you a meeting I had yesterday.

leks4sure:
Thanks

Hi,

You can go ahead and modify your post. I will respond soon. I am currently preparing for work.

tunemike:

Let me relate a daunting fear which has led me to becoming an introvert. I used to be a chronic stutterer while growing up and this has created a sense of rejection in me and makes me always want to stay indoor or incommunicado. Most times when I want to share an idea in a group, I usually think people will make mockery of my disability..hence my quietness during group discussions. However , when I am with friends and family, it seems to vanish and my extroversion erupts from no where.
Even though I am still outgrowing it(98% outgrown), I still suffer from the fear of what people will think of me if I mistakenly stutter in front of them. I only stutter when anxious or overly conscious of my verbal communication...like trying to craft an engaging verbal communication in my head while mindfully avoiding any erratum.
I have learnt to speak slowly during interviews and this has been helpful at least in the recent interviews I have attended. I believe it won't impede my chances of getting a Job or functioning in a workplace.

#myExperience.

Thanks for sharing.

Akalia:
sir I commend your writing skill, it's fluid. I struggle to construct logical sentences verbally both in English and mother tongue but I can write exceptionally well. This flaw in verbal communication affects my confidence and hinders me from relating with people effectively. Please I want to know if it's part of being introverted or there is something wrong with me mentally/psychologically? Is there also a way out for me?

Hi,

You sound like a well read young fellow. That, at least, is a basis to build on and become as fluent, verbally, as you want. The experiences I share here are largely work related but this does not mean that I did not struggle in some of the mentioned areas too. I struggled with spoken English from my early days...I still struggle today, though I am better than before.

The key to speaking well is practice but first you need to identify what the challenge is. You probably are good in speaking but not just able to do so publicly; in other words you may have speech anxiety or glossophobia. If this is the case then you have nothing to worry about. I suffer from this too and it is very easy to manage.

A lot of times, people who suffer from speech anxiety are just too critical of the way they are perceived publicly. You need not be an introvert to suffer from this. There are extroverts who suffer from this too but it may be a bit more intense with introverts. Like I mentioned before the key is practice, more practice and constant practice.

You can start small...at home, with your friends etc. When I started my journey to 'self sufficiency' in spoken English I started at home. Back in the day, the popular vernacular (pidgin English) was the 'lingua franca'...I knew not how to speak anything else but pidgin. It was depressing. I started by making spoken English compulsory for me. I did not demand that others communicate with me in English but irrespective of the language they used, my responses were in English.

As expected, I made loads of mistakes but it was easier to manage than going out publicly to embarrass myself. I moved gradually from home to my friends...yeah, they laughed but I persisted and took it a step further by learning from those who are very good at the language. Now, those who laughed at me then, look on in awe when I communicate in good English. Some of my colleagues still find it incredibly difficult to believe that there was a time in my life when I couldn't speak English.

In all, believe in yourself, learn from good speakers, practice often and interact confidently without being too self aware. If you make a mistake, don't bit yourself up about it. Learn from it and move on.

Continued...

I had a horrible first year at PwC. This experience awaits any introvert who is not ready to conquer self. Remember that conquering yourself has nothing to do with being extroverted. You can be introverted and demonstrate the relevant competencies to do fantastically well at the work place; for crying out loud, I am still very introverted...just this weekend my wife's sister came to visit with the husband and her kids...almost all through their visit I struggled to relate socially with them...though I lead and manage a Unit at the work place, give presentations to top level management, guide and coach staff in at least 2 departments, consistently score an 'A' rating whenever I am appraised etc.

I am able to achieve all that because I learnt how not to let my introversion get in the way of my success at work, albeit I learnt the very hard way. Funny thing is, introverts act very extroverted when they are in the company of very few people they love and trust...people who they feel very attracted to. For instance, when I relate with my wife, people who do not know me tend to think I am extroverted until they come close and the extroversion melts in an instant right before their eyes. A major challenge for introverts is extending that level of confidence to someone they barely know or are just meeting for the first time. To succeed you must overcome this because your team mates will consist of all manner of people. People you may probably be meeting for the very first time and whom you may never get used to.

I kid you not when I tell you that the feeling of crawling back into your 'hole' whenever you meet someone for the first time or approach that manager that looks fearsome will always be there. This is one aspect you never get used to. Each experience is very fresh and requires almost the same level of commitment to overcome. You just got to overcome no matter how unpleasant the feeling is. This lesson took sometime for me to understand and practice. At the beginning I thought that level of commitment was only required during the interview and mastery of it will follow naturally...boy was I wrong and very naive. It took me over a year of hiding in the toilet, avoiding responsibilities and staying glued to my laptop doing nothing to learn this basic principle.

To be continued...

Sorry guys for not responding sooner. I have been super busy trying to deliver on assigned tasks. Will update the thread soon. I still have a lot to share.

Continued...

The day I got the call from PwC informing me of my interview success was magical. I didn't realize I could scream that loud for joy. My timid self wouldn't allow it but for this one time, I did exactly that. I probably couldn't contain my joy because it was something I had wanted so badly. I had the same feeling on my first day at work. It was surreal...couldn't believe I was finally part of a great firm. The receptionists directed me to the training room on the 3rd floor. Nothing prepared me for what I saw as soon as I opened the door: People!!! About 38 of them. I immediately withdrew back to my shell as I felt all eyes were on me...I prayed that day for 5pm to come so I could go back home...back to my comfort zone.

My on-boarding days were not particularly happy. Not because the PwC on-boarding programme wasn't fun but because my introversion got the best of me. Everyone was busy enjoying the social interactions but me. I found myself staring at my laptop for the greater part of the day doing nothing but trying hard to avoid joining the social mix. The exception was when there is a facilitator in class and I am supposed to pay attention to whatever is being taught. Learning how to interact for the purpose of passing an interview that wouldn't go beyond a day was one thing but to continue doing that for many days, months and probably years is a completely different ball game. Sometimes I wake up and I don't feel like going to work. There was a time I was meant to give a presentation to the whole class but I pretended to be sick to avoid it because I felt I couldn't talk in front of so many people.

Looking back I can easily understand why companies look out for competencies that are not compatible with introversion. Working in a top flight company necessarily implies working with people in teams...it means communicating your thoughts orally and in written form when the need arises, it means being very confident, it means giving presentations etc but I demonstrated none of these during the on-boarding period, which ultimately lead to self doubt, made me do some very stupid things and in the process I almost quit. I felt working in a company with people wasn't my thing. Notice how very simple things took a whole new level of difficulty because of my introversion? To succeed in a world of people it is important for introverts to put their foot down and do all that is needed.


To be continued...

Continued...


The beauty about interviews is that the preparation is the same for both introverts and extroverts: you gather information about your prospective employer, research their interview style, then tailor your responses to suit their style and the job function. The best prepared usually gets hired irrespective of temperament. In gathering information it is usually best to get information from someone who recently passed through the same process. I was lucky to get a new hire who graciously provided the needed information.

Based on that I devised a strategy to answering each question which I practiced over and over again in my head. I knew from experience that I needed to do a bit more. Recall I said introverts are very loud on the inside? It would have been a major mistake to go for the interview without voicing out all I have worked so hard to put together. I spent a considerable amount of time rehearsing with my brother who acted as the interviewer. If you are like me who have an unreasonable fear for authority figures, it would help to have in mind your sparring partner when you face the interviewer. So instead of the formal interview process, it may seem like another rehearsal.

It is very important to learn how to speak with confidence and hold eye contact with your interviewer. This too I practiced for a while before the interview date. In all it is never easy but if I could do it then anyone can. I got to the interview venue in good time and tried hard to calm myself. If prayers can help calm your nerves, then by all means pray. I met my interviewers with one goal in mind: demonstrate all competencies I knew they will look out for. I detached myself totally from my introversion and in the end I got rewarded with the job.


To be continued...

Continued...

The error the dude in the illustration above made wasn't particularly due to introversion but his failure to demonstrate the relevant competencies needed for the job. He had the task of showing his interviewers that he could do the job irrespective of his personality trait but in the end he allowed his personality get in the way. Of the 4 of us who were there for the interview, we had 2 extroverts and 2 introverts..the 2 extroverts got the job but only one introvert (myself) made it through.

Though extroverts seem to have an edge when it comes to interviews as compared to introverts, it would be wrong to think that extroverts can't also do poorly at interviews. I have loads of stories I can share of a number of extroverts in our set who didn't make the final cut because they were domineering. Like the introvert who lost out, these extroverts also demonstrated competencies that were incompatible with the ideal PwC person. The key drivers for success is being in tune with the relevant competencies and the ability to demonstrate them when it matters.

When I got the invite for the interview, I was still a corps member and I had loads of time to prepare. I was excited and scared at the same time. The excitement came because I felt a sense of vindication: I had to work my socks off in preparing for the test but at the same time, I knew I had a more difficult task in coming out of my shell to show the interviewers that I could do the job. It's really not easy being introverted...very simple tasks get a heightened sense of difficulty whenever they involve voicing out our thoughts in public...mehn it was so hard but I was determined.


To be continued...

Hi, I am myca and I am an introvert.

I am currently 34 years old and I have work-place experience in two world class organisations in a career span of about 10 years. My area of specialty include but not limited to Financial management/planning and Human capital management. I am moved to share my experiences as a professional who has struggled through life as an introvert with the hope of reaching as many young people as is possible, especially recent 'University' graduates, who may think being introverted would necessarily hinder them from getting their dream jobs and/or achieving their career goals.

I began my career with the prestigious PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP, where I rose through the ranks to become a Senior Associate/Assistant Manager in one of the PwC's Assurance LOS but before I attained that height I first had the uphill task of going through their selection process, particularly the interview as it involved some level of social interactions at a time my social skills were at an all time low. I found it incredibly difficult to talk publicly, maintain eye contact and the myriad of difficulties that come with being introverted.

My first step to overcoming that huddle was coming to the realization that I am the biggest obstacle to my own success. Introverts are usually very loud: they share opinions, give speeches and make fantastic presentations but the challenge here is that all these are done on the inside where the only audience is themselves and that is one of the things I needed to change about my approach if I am going to land that dream job but that was easier said than done. I have indeed tried, so many times, in the past to change but it seemed the harder I tried the more difficult it became.

That was because I was trying so hard to be extroverted, in other words, I was trying so hard to be like someone else. It is impractical for someone else to be better at being you. Overcoming the huddle as described in the last paragraph has nothing to do with fighting against your personality but fighting against the 'I can't demonstrate those social skills or work related competencies because I am introverted' mindset which definitely would deprive you from getting those much sought after jobs. No employer would be willing to give a job to one who can't hold his or her own in an interview.

Let me use my interview experience with PwC, back in the day, as an illustration....

Our interview had 4 sessions: 2 group discussions with a panel, one behavioral and another technical/'getting to know you' with a senior personnel and a rep from HCM. I did the first two with 3 other guys. In the first session, we were required to give a talk on a previously undisclosed topic for at least 2 minutes. The second session required that we discuss a topic as a group. During this first 2 sessions, all spoke boldly but one guy who seemed rather shy and very timid...I could tell he is introverted. Of the 4, only he didn't get the offer from PwC.

To be continued....

This may help:

https://www.nairaland.com/1360915/experience-cbt-organized-dragnet-behalf#16831701