₦airaland Forum

I suspect you are a grown man whatever problems you have with your parents pls move out of your parents house, the world is big and wide and there are many places you can settle down, from your talk, your thinking, you are sounding like a person with some form of psychosis or schizophrenia these are real medical conditions pls seek help, I hope you dont take hard drugs pls keep away do not lose your mind. Human beings are spiritual animals that is why we go to church go to mosque, we pray and believe in the almighty creator so do not you deluge yourself thinking you know better, people should get emotional, physical peace of mind from their worship, not a mental conflict affliction story which you have built for yourself. yes you have problems with your parents but if they wanted to kill you they could have easily done it when you were a helpless child, pls seek help

ZIMDRILL:
when she sold the house did she even give your something eg she sends money saying "buy this and that for my grands kids its money from their father in law house or something like"

my point is they think of you when they want to recieve from you but when they got something they never even thought to buy something for grands kids, to be thats a great sign of appreciation to you via kids

So to me people like that are just selfish

It is not selfish, you cannot expect someone to sell his father's house and then start dividing the money about, only those legally bound to inherit should get something if the mother was dead then yes maybe her kids can receive but the mother his wife got 200k, regardless whatever amount the wife got he the husband has to totally remove his heart from his wife's family inheritance issues

dettolgel:
Well I understand that compression could be a problem a times but I did imagine it being this difficult when you have the opportunity to re-read a text and you are not under duress to respond within a given time frame.



I am not sure that there is anywhere in my post where I indicated that I am angry with the sister. I only pointed out the op position. I don't understand how that translate to 'you people being angry". Maybe there is something I missed if there is please point it out. I shall be happy to read that and correct it.




Of course, I used the relationship between me and my sibling to indicate how things work for us and how I will respond given the relationship between us. How would I know all of their earning power if I am not closed to them? Secondly you would have seen where I said that building a house is a smart choice ( in this scenario I will say that because I assume it is a normal scenario but that isn't the case always. I have several examples where building a house isn't a wise decision but that is not the case here or rather I don't know much about the situation of op's sister to even delve into that).

If you had said maybe the op failed to elaborate the exact relationship between him and his sister since that can give us an indication of why that is the case. Like I pointed out, in my family everyone has a decent idea of everyone's earning power. We are very close there is no way anyone of use (all married with families) will embark on such project without at least notifying one person. Even my sister when she and her husband started building everyone in my family knew and we kind of stopped them from contributing to some family activities because we understood how capital intensive it is to build a house.

Maybe in your family you don't trust your siblings or you are raised that way that is not the same for everyone. Yes I thank God for my parents for raising us the way they did. When we all did our projects every other sibling knew and we even sort advice from those that did before us. When they all travelled we are all aware from the day they started the process and we all put it in prayer and kept a tight lip until it was done and they all travelled. That is the nature of the relationship in most normal family. So don't be surprised when people from normal household find it bizarre. Because indeed it is bizarre.

I could also acknowledge the fact that most people from normal home erroneously believe that every other person is from a normal home. I had that believe for a very long time until I started mingling with people and started seeing some weird stuff that goes on in most family.

So it is not about people asking you for money because you are building a house, it is about relationship (i.e is there is such in the first place) and family.

On the other hand, I find it sneaky and dubious if you could ask other people for money even if it is loan. Who knowns if they also wanted to embark on a major project. But decided to give it to you because they consider you family and thought that you really need it for urgent and things that has to be sorted out immediately?

When our last born wanted to travel with his family, we were informed and our eldest brother who was about starting his second house. Suspended it and pull all his fund into our last born account. We all then pitched in as well. When he travelled the funds were released back and our eldest brother continued his project. He was not obligated to do so, he chose to do so because of the type of relationship that exist in the family and we were all grateful to him. That is what family is all about. I can tell you for a fact, when he told me he wanted to buy a car I called someone I know in the states to get the type of car he was looking for. I only collected the exact price of the car from him, the shipping and clearing cost my other siblings and I paid for it without him asking. Because of the kind of brother he is to us. He can afford it without asking anyone for a dime we could also afford to gift him a car as well. So telling someone about some important thing shows how much you value them and how much they meant to you.

I will give a story that broke a friendship of over 15 years. I had a former colleague who told me a story about his uncle and his friend. When his uncle travelled to Europe for his studies (as a self sponsored student) he kept in touch with his childhood friend. Every now and then his childhood friend will call and complained of hunger and how bad the economy was ( this was late 90s early 2000). His uncle will out of his little income from his 20 hours per week salary pay his rent keep a little aside and send the rest to support his childhood friend and his new family. Because he knew that his friend did not have a very good paying job then and was newly married with a young family. He said according to his uncle, there were times he would send his last card to his friend.

After he graduated he got a job and the first thing did he did was to visit home (because his only sister was living in europe with their mom, I think their dad was late and no other immediate family back home) to see his childhood friend and discuss with him how best to help established him(based on the fact that he will soon start making steady income abroad and would rather have him established that sending him stipend).

When he got to Nigeria he went to visit him in the address the friend gave him. While he was there discussing with his friend someone came I forgot what exactly transpired but the friend excused himself. The uncle was left with the friend's wife, in the course of his discussion with the friend's wife the uncle told the friend wife that he likes the compound and the house is well built and the woman said thank God for providing for them, that they just completed the one that they in now and she pointed to the uncompleted building on the other side of the compound and said that they hope to finish that and rent it out. The uncle said he pretended as if he knew and they continued their conversation.

When the husband came back the wife left, and my colleague uncle now said something to his friend like this is a nice vantage place and the friend told him that they were fortunate to have been able to rent the place. My colleague uncle then told his friend that the wife already told him you guys owned the place, His friend was embarrassed and started apologizing. He said he told him there was no need for that that he understand.

Since then he never picked the guys call and stop every communication with him. Because for him:

1. He thought that they were best friend. From the very first time he started thinking of traveling till when he left for studies in Europe, his friend knew every step of the process.
2. While working in the winter cold in Europe as a student, he told his friend everything. He knew how much he earned as a student and even when he will send his last card to him, he knew. There was even a time he would borrow like 20 euros to send across because his friend told him that they could hardly feed. Not knowing that he was building a house and putting him under pressure to send them money for feeding knowing full well his situation abroad.

He said well he couldn't trust the guy, the guy tried to reach out. It is about trust and knowing that you meant as much to them as they meant to you, otherwise, it is not worth it.

My believe is if you are rending any kind of help to anybody family, friend or stranger do it for only for the sake of God not expecting any thing back from the person, your intention should be only God so if you can afford 1k t help for the sake of God, never look back and say I fed this person I helped this person, my dad taught me this and you can never be emotional blackmailed into doing a good deed, never be frivolous with your money work and strive to your best I can remember my dad's words ;if you are going to do a job do it well; rely on God alone dont rely on people, and this gave me my independent nature I never feel entitled to what isnt mine and I believe if I put my mind to it I can do it. Dont get me wrong communism in a family unit nothing wrong with it but do not castigate he/she who does not follow it, I am a man I am independent I follow thru with my decision, I am not remote controled by extended family after consulating whoever I wish I act.
That is why I am finding it very hard to understand is why trying to paint her as a bad person, this is a very wrong mentality, it is a wrong state of mind she does not have to tell you everything also you too dont have to tell her everything going on in your life if you do that is you business, you are her extended family her husband and children is her immediate family. it is not a crime neither is it a betrayal of trust becos she did not bretray any agreement betwn the two of you, she built house she did not tell that is not bretrayal, that mindset is wrong She is a woman and she entitled to her privacy and personal decision she does not have to report to anyone and she should not be cut off from her extended family becos of this, learn those prossessive taits from her, her tenacity, her strong will, her drive, and her ability to success, she did not force you to drop money and this is your only case against her and it is only becos she built house, she said she is broke and you people helped, it as she not helped and contributed too in the past?

dettolgel:
I don't think you read through the first page before jumping into conclusions. The op problem is not she not telling family but asking others for money claiming she is broke and not doing anything for their mom.

I would rather make my siblings know that I am building and as a result I am not flush with cash to give. If my brother or sister is building a house (I know their financial capacity all of them) and ask me for money that they are broke. I will give it to them knowing that house project is really expensive and that they are probably scrapping the bottom of the barrel to put a roof over their head (which I consider a smart move), I will give to them.

But if I am not aware that they are building and thy ask me for money personally I won't drop because like I said I know their financial worth. I would think they are being wasteful or are being scammed.

Thank God for the type of family I have. At least one of us will be aware of what is going on. We don't have to tell the whole family but at least one person should know, that was how my parents raised us.

So this is the reason why you people are angry with her, what kind of thinking is this? I am broke lend me money I will return it on so and so day so becos you borrow me I most tell you I am building house, the money did I not return it?, she is a smart girl she was building house and she told everybody she is broke so everybody left her alone, in every family some will have while some will have more, it takes real sacrifice to build wealth who knows maybe her husband is sacrificing different kinds of insults at work just to push and encourage his wife, he know rent payments will soon be removed from their wage bill and they can use that rent for other developmental projects mean while your own husband is forming big man paying for other peoples drinks at bar, in this Nigeria of today you push yourself if you want success, you keep on investing in your family's development be4 you realise it you are climbing people will be telling you that you are lucky but you create your own luck with focus and smart working methods. please she borrow money from you she did not borrow money from, I am broke or I am not broke that woman do not do any wrong she worked hard and she achieved celebrate her!

SIRTee15:
babaYibo ignore juvenile and immature rants here on NL. I read response to the friends one yesterday and concluded na small pikin dey nairaland. Until it happens to them, they won't understand.

Housing project is a big achievement in naija esp for the middle class. If not, why is the friend throwing a huge party because he built a house.

There's something called betrayal of trust and that's what your sister and the friend did. There's something in Yoruba called aponle- regard, it's obvious your sister don't have much regard for u, same for the friend.
Your sister don't want to have a close relationship with u, just see it that way and respect her choice. Do your thing and let her hers. It's painful but that's the way it is.

How is it betrayal of trust?, did she borrow money and run away with it, or did she scam anybody, you people just create bad blood btwn people this is evil, totally wrong, everybody should mind their business, it is people like you that collect the properties of children if something happens to their parents, just be happy for her and work for your own, understand that she kept it quiet becos she does not want distractions of any kind or type from anyone family or friends

DKM123:
When you live in Nigeria and have parasites who feel entitled to your money, then it's best to do things codedly if not you may never have anything tangible till you die. If you decide to ignore then your enemies will be countless especially household enemies..


If people knew she was building a house, the billing would have been in ten folds. It doesn't matter that she is spending all her savings and even taking loans to try and have a property and probably depriving herself and her kids from a lot of things so they can have a permanent roof over thier head.

She did well. Na house she build she no kee person.

God bless you, to build house is no small thing, everybody will come will their own ideas and advice and make the job much harder, the sister is sacrificing, focusing on how complete the house without unnecessary drama from anybody.
Just look now she finished the house instead of congratulating her, giving her peace of mind her sister has started unnecessary drama but one thing I know regardless she informed them or not, is that every responsible good parents will be extremely proud of her achievements

Building ur own place secretly is one thing ...

pretending to be broke, building ur own house and telling ur folks to give ur money is another thing ....That's exploitation of family ties and the church mind ur family members naturally have towards u..... It's wickedness.




My Sister Whenever somebody embark's on a building project he/she will become broke this is Nigeria where prices changes daily so will your budget adjustment be occuring weekly