I was dating a guy for about 6 years and he woun't commit. earlier this year, I decided to end the relationship and get engaged to someone else. Recently, my ex surfaced and has been trying to talk to me. I am still inlove with him but I don't know what his intentions are towards me. I am confused.

Is he proposing marriage this time? If not, dont let him in an inch. Some stupid guyz go back to their ex because they feel its eaiser gettin sex from her than trying to lure a new girl.

hmmmm,layi,thanks alot,you just added to my sea of "wisdom".

He should never have let you go .....he doesnt deserve you.

Mariaz, I'm thinkin' this guy is just noy that into you. Guys who r really in love always wanta commit fast so that someone else won't snatch. I advise u don't give ur ex a second chance he had 6 yrs to commit.

I don't think that you should go back to your ex, at least, I wouldn't if I were in your position...

At the same time I hope you didn't get engaged out of desperation...

It's normal to still be in love with your ex. You were together for six years and that is
quite a long time. But do not take him back,but move on.With time you will get over your
emotions

You guys never thought of the fact that the guy parents might not be in approval of the relationship thats why he hasnt proposed. He tries to see if another relationship will work but things werent thesame and he tries to get back despite the pressures. Btw, can Maria really let go?

Women complex, not to mention if sexual intimacy has been involved.

This just make remember the movie "She Hates Me" despite that the black lesbian girl is with another woman, she still want to be kicking it with her ex-boyfriend. Ludicrous, if you ask me.

I don't think you should crucify him as many Nairaland users suggest...so far he is back now and u see he is changed and willing to commit...forget all his former antics and theatrics...i guess the guy never knew what he had till he lost it...so far he is coming to amend his ways..take him back but ON THE CONDITION that hes going to be serious now
    Come to think of it..u said u started your relationship 6yrs ago..and u just want to burst it under the auspices of committment is not good..though very important..i think for u guys to have weather d storm for six years then you can cross the bridge of commitment...IN a nutshell,if hes a changed man,take him back fast!!!!!!

Don't think that guy is serious, he's jealous because u're with someon else, but if u still love him then u should have gotten into another relationship that fast. U needed time to heal.

From all indications he's not serious,

Girls don't let anyman turn u into coin in which they can flip ..
Respect ur selve, no premarital sex and i mean it , Love God, and the right man will come rushing.

girl hang in there with the man you are with okay with time you will get over your emotions your ex- boy friend is only jealous because you are with somebody else. if he couldn't commit to you for six years what makes you think is going to commit now.

6 yrs? thats a long time girl! I don't know...................... do you have more time to spare? is this guy so confused that he can't make up his mind in 6yrs? maybe he need 6days more, or 6 months, or even another 6yrs! you can't realy tell! this question/guy has already poped morethan 66 questions in my head!

please mariaz are you getting older or younger? after six long years you are still asking questions or is it that you don't really trust the guy on board now?

mariaz i don't know if this situation of the "you don't know that value of a thing untill you lose it" type or "i'd rather see her unhappy with me than to let her go"

if he's the first one go back to him but if he's the second tell the guy you're currently dating about it and also add he deals with the mf seriously.

Different kinds of relationships can last up to 6 years....
...Sugar daddy-sugar pickin relationship can last for that long
...Sex buddy relationship(with both parties agreeing to it) can last for that long
...Sex buddy relationship(with one party unknowing)can last for that long
...Arrangement(where the guy has a girlfriend and the girl knows he has a girlfriend but doesnt mind,and vice versa)relationship can last for that long
...A relationship where there is no love but both parties are as good as best friends sleeping together without realising until they meet someone else that they never loved each other...can last that long
And finally,a relationship where there is love,trust and understanding with both parties definately knowing where they are heading for....can last that long.
The possibilities are endless.
This post is directed at the person who said she should go back but on the condition that he changes....She could have been in any one of these relationships without even realising it herself.
Think hard darling,before making a decision that can make or marr your life.

i understand what you mean when you say they won't commit. see the thing is sum times you have to leave them for another before they know how improtant you are or can be to them.
ofcourse u still love him, i mean you have been with him for years.
you need to know what he wants from you this time,if he is ready to commit. if he is, then i think you should let him. but if he ain't sista hold on to the brother that is well ready

Mariaz  let me ask u this. did u have a talk with him one on one before u decided to break up the relationship? if u didnt, i guess u should. but if u indeed had quite a serious talk with him on this issue, i guess he would have either evaded the topic/ question or told u the problems (family or anything) hindering such commitment. by now u should have a clear picture of your stand with the guy. if the problems are surmountable and the guy has come with the intention of making such commitment, i sugest u give him a chance if he indeed has clear plan that shows a suggestable time frame.

Mariaz, don't listen to the guy anymore. You could be nice (if you want to) but the dude ain't worth it if it took him 6 years to know that he could marry you. What was he thinking about all those times? Extended runs?? Na wa o.

Even you sef don play mugu for too long. If someone they cream you for 6 years and you can't get him to commit then you for don sack am tey tey.

You know you can't get all those 6 years you wasted with him back (ever!)

And to all the ladies in the house, unless you are in a relationship for something else (it happens) if a guy can't give you a roadmap after 6 months, better deport him ASAP. Love is nothing o. You can love anyone if you work hard at it. It is only infatuation (and lust) that drive you gish-gish. Love grows and is terribly sensible.

My question is What made him not to commit, Finance ? Fear ? Parents ? i think the answer to this question would give a clearer pic to the situation

brick:

Mariaz  let me ask u this. did u have a talk with him one on one before u decided to break up the relationship? if u didnt, i guess u should. but if u indeed had quite a serious talk with him on this issue, i guess he would have either evaded the topic/ question or told u the problems (family or anything) hindering such commitment. by now u should have a clear picture of your stand with the guy. if the problems are surmountable and the guy has come with the intention of making such commitment, i sugest u give him a chance if he indeed has clear plan that shows a suggestable time frame.

Well said buddy.

legry:

My question is What made him not to commit, Finance ? Fear ? Parents ? i think the answer to this question would give a clearer pic to the situation

I think likewise because 6 years is no joke.

WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO HIM ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR YOU AND HIM. DISCUSS IT. AND WHY DID GET ENAGE SO QUICKLY ANYWAYS THAT WASN'T TO WISE SINCE YOU DON'T FULLY LOVE HIM.

legry:

My question is What made him not to commit, Finance ? Fear ? Parents ? i think the answer to this question would give a clearer pic to the situation

I'm a bit confused here.... 

When you say commit, what exactly do you mean?... Cos a relationship of 6 years is definitely a sign of commitment by both parties..

Some explanation required here.. 

I agree with rikkyjen, 6 years was not six months and the devil you know...please give him the second chance under the condition that he should commit himself in a certain period of time that you will give him. From your post I do understand that you are still in love with him,and that is what matters. But let me ask you 'Are you in love with the present guy at thasame time? If the answer is yes then you have to make the choice yourself else take rikkyjen advice or end up filttering.

let me see. . .you are engaged to marry someone, and you are in love with someone else. Seems like you don't know what you want and have been lying to yourself and your fiancee.

Six years without saying anythiing? Haba! you sef try. So what have you guys been doing for 6 years? Sleeping together?

All i can say is he prefers for you to be a sleeping mate than a wife ( that is if u 2 have been sleeping together).

allonym:

let me see. . .you are engaged to marry someone, and you are in love with someone else. Seems like you don't know what you want and have been lying to yourself and your fiancee.

Best analysis so far, Mariaz take note of allonym's quote, the mist will start to clear from your state of confusion...

let use be frank here and face reality, people make mistakes because of indecision. As far as i am concerned, a six year relationship is really a long way. Spending this kind of a time with someone who is not ready to be commited is just wasting of precious time. I am a guy and i can never do that, it's better for you to just forget about him, if not, you will just be hurting yourself deep inside which can continue to eternity.

I agree with all the folks who say you should not look back! girl! listen to words of wisdom! I am currently going through the same thing! 5years and he says he feels he is rushing!!! sweetheart, dont go back to him! he was a loser when you broke up with him and he will still be a loser if you go back, and so will you! As for your new man, I also think you rushed into an engagement with him too quickly! can I ask what you do for a living? have you thought about developing yourself first before getting married?? Making sure you are stable before becoming someone's life partner You need some inspiration to stop you from looking for strength in other people, rather in yourself! (PEOPLE BABYCAKES IS SERIOUS TODAY OH!)

babycakes, you cannot call him a looser! you are going through the same and I am in one. Listen, what you Nigerian girls don't know is that men are different. Some men don't like to be presssured at all, for me it pushes me away to take tha step even though I care about her so much. Girls who put pressure on men make men feel like they been manipulated although a side of him might say she is not. For him to stay that long trust me he is enjoying  rest of mind and he is very comfortable with her but she is pushing him and it is irritating. ( deep things to know)

On the other hand, he might be going through some emotional things which could be from his family and he is afraid mess up with her as he has seen before with a family blood member and he knows he also has those tendencies and he does not want to hurt her. If he comes back listen to him and lay down some rules, don't throw yourself to him and let him see you from afar and miss what he has always had and he will understand ( deep things to know from a man)

Allonuym's got something there... check your self out first... Make sure say no be prick don scatter ya head....

Then make it very clear to him that he AIN'T TOUCHING YOU before he's committed (that way if na the prick you go don hold am)...

He can only be back for 2 reasons: He wants your sex or he want you... FIND OUT WHICH!

Lastly Maraiz note THERE ARE ONLY TWO THINGS A MAN IS AFRAID OF..... GOD AND COMMITMENT (and even then not necessarily in that order).... that might have been why he went AWAL in the first place...

Sorry Bedone, but I dont agree with you. 6years is a long time particularly in woman years and for a man to keep you for that long and decide he is not ready is unfair! he could have said so from day one and let the woman know where she stands. Men dont have biological clocks!!!