₦airaland Forum

He's just NOT into you, dear

I picked this up somewhere how sad.

As October 1 approaches, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY…………………


I have enormous tracts of land and vast volumes of water, but cannot feed  myself.
So I spend $1 billion to import rice and another $2 billion on milk.
I produce rice, but don’t eat it. I have millions of cows but no milk.
I am 50, please celebrate me.

I drive the best cars in the world but have no roads, so I crush my best brains in the caverns,
craters and crevasses they crash into daily.
I am in unending mourning, please celebrate me.

My school has no teacher and my classroom has no roof. I take lectures through windows and live with 15 others in one room.
All my professors have gone abroad, and the rest are awaiting visas.
I am a university graduate, but I am illiterate.
I want a future, please celebrate me.

Preventable diseases send me to hospitals without doctors, medicines or power.
All the nurses have gone abroad and the rest are waiting to go also. I have the
highest maternal and infant mortality rates in the world and future generations are dying before me.
I am hopeless, hapless and helpless, please celebrate me.

For democracy’s sake I stood all day on Election Day.
But before I could ink my thumb, results had been broadcast. When I dared to speak out, silence was
enthroned by bullets. My leaders are my oppressors, and my policemen are my terrors.
I am ruled by men in mufti, but I am not a democracy.
I have no verve, no vote, no voice, please celebrate me.

My youth have no past, present nor future. So my sons in the North have become street urchins and his brothers in the South have become kidnappers.
My nephews die of thirst in the Sahara and his cousins drown in the Mediterranean.
My daughters walk the streets of Lagos, Abuja and Port Harcourt, while her sisters parade the streets of Rome and Amsterdam.
I am grief-stricken, please celebrate me.

Pen-wielding bandits have raided everything in my vaults.
They walk the land with haughty strides and fly the skies with private planes.
They have looted the future of generations unborn and have money they cannot spend in several lifetimes, but their brothers die of starvation.
I want a kit of kindness, please celebrate me.

I can produce anything, but import everything. So my toothpick is made in China;
my toothpaste is made in South Africa; my salt is made in Ghana; my butter is made in Ireland; my milk is made in Holland;
my shoe is made in Italy; my vegetable oil is made in Malaysia; my biscuit is made in Indonesia; my chocolate is made in Turkey and my table water made in France.
My taste is far-flung and foreign, please celebrate me.

My land is dead because all the trees have been cut down; flooding kills thousands yearly because the drainages are clogged;
my fishes are dead because the oil companies dump waste in my rivers; my communities are vanishing into the huge yawns of gully erosion, and nothing is being done.
My very existence is uncertain and I am in the deepest depths of despondence, please celebrate me.

I have genuine leather but choose to eat it. So I spend billions of dollars to import fake leather.
I have four refineries, but prefer to import fuel, so I waste more billions to import petrol.
I have no security in my country, but send troops to keep peace in another man’s land.
I have hundreds of dams, but no water. So I drink ‘pure’ water that roils my innards.
I need a vision, please celebrate me.

I have a million candidates craving to enter universities, but my dungeons can only accommodate a tenth.
I have no power, but choose to flare gas, so my people have learnt to see in the dark and stare at the glare of naked flares.
I am shrouded by darkness, please celebrate me.

For my golden jubilee, I shall spend 16 billion naira to bash around the bonfires of the banal.
So what if the majority gaze at my possessed, frenzied dance, drenched in silent tears, as probity is enslaved in democracy’s empty cellars?
I am profligacy personified, please celebrate me.

Why can I not simply reflect and ponder?
Does my complexion cloud the colour of my character? Does my location limit the lengths my liberty?
Does the spirit of my conviction shackle my soul? Does my mien maim the mine of my mind?
And is failure worth celebrating?

[color=#990000][i][flash=200,200]http://I am Nigeria, please celebrate me[/flash][/[/i]color].

Gen Gen!
WATCH OUT FOR PART 2 - Who Will Bell the Cat!
To God be the glory!

I love Nigeria's politics, it's like watching a thriller unfold in slow motion.

hi Jarus,
no action on this complaint yet?!

NIKKnJAZZ:
OMG!!!! Oh my goodness!!!! Oh my I have been traumatised! I have been traumatised!

Please, moderators can someone do something about koolchicco's profile pic. It is very offensive and disturbing and the image has just ruined my day.
Im sorry koolchicco, I don't mean to snitch, but itz just too disturbing. eeeek!!!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?action=profile;u=351303

@DAVIDYLAN
1. Pls lose weight, all this nonsense about you "managing" it since childhood is silly. The man is right, when you're 50 you'd look like a bloated cow.

2. Your man is making it quite clear - you are NOT his opinion of an IDEAL WIFE, he is only with you perhaps because of the immigration benefits you will be providing for him as his wife.

3. You both should NOT be getting married as you've only met 4 times and it seems he has serious issues with your size. Besides it looks like you hardly know him as i'd expect my gf to talk to me FIRST about her fears before going to a faceless forum.

4. Error, your man obviously respects his friends much more than he respects you. I cant imagine my friends passing such comments about my gf . . . i am sure they would either think twice about it or put it across as diplomatically as possible. Even at that, by the time i reach the stage of proposal, there is nothing you can say to change my mind.

5. Marry this dude and get set for a life of misery.


[color=Black]WHERE HAVE U BEEN ALL MY LIFE??[/color]

OMG!!!! Oh my goodness!!!! Oh my I have been traumatised! I have been traumatised!

Please, moderators can someone do something about koolchicco's profile pic. It is very offensive and disturbing and the image has just ruined my day.
Im sorry koolchicco, I don't mean to snitch, but itz just too disturbing. eeeek!!!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?action=profile;u=351303

This is the best I have seen PHC in, coming from one that was bred in that city. I don't really know how much the governor is doing, but from the pics, props to him.
Another thing that has added to his credibility is that, this year, there were a number of Rivers state students that were sent here to Canada on government scholarships, and this is not just hearsay, I know a few of them.
So please, appreciate the "seemingly little" that this guy his doing in comparison to past and present governors, and stop pointing out his flaws. At least even if he is doing some of these things for show, lets appreciate that he has something to show for. What of governors, e. g. Lucky Igbinedion, that didnt even have one thing to show off, not one good "empty" thing in his name for his 8 years of tenure.

Now I know why you see all those guys (especially 419ers) that can't even speak a complete english statement, walk up to a classy lady and start blabbing. My carribean peeps used to ask me why naija guys seem to assume they are fronting when they say no to a ride in their "range rovers" or any other car. Now I know, u all seem to think ur money has spoken the english properly for you erh?

Toasting doesn't work without the proper tools (not necessarily money). It's all about clean looks, clean cut, clean english, and clean swagg. Money doesn't cover up all these things

Nairalanders, please look at this movie trailer below and tell me what the hell  kind of porn movies nollywood is producing these days.
With John Dumelo, Tonto Dike, and Muna something
WTF!!!! I just have to speak up.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7J4HrEbJCA&feature=youtu.be

NIKKnJAZZ:
Ummm, I don't know where to begin with this post. First of all, I don't think you understand what homosexuality is. I can tell you that it is not about private parts, and it is not about the male species dominating the female species. It is having a sexual attraction to the same intimacy, hence, homo. Second of all, "womens"?? Come on now,

I feel like I'm seeing things? I'm pretty sure I wrote "same sex" not "same intimacy", that does not even sound right!! What da??

ifebosco:
we  have     a    serious   problem  in  nigeria  most  espacially  our  womens, most  of  them  are  too  conservative  in  their  ideologies. homosexuallity   is  not  the   end  of  the  world.why  should  you  hate  somebody   just   because  of  his/her   private  part?why  can´t  we  judge  them  normally  as  we   can  judge  our  selfs  with  knowledge  and  not  their  sexual  part."racism"   tomorrow   whiteman   "oyibo"  will  insult  you  and  you´ll  say  is   racist,what  are  you  people  doing  now  to  your  our  blood  GOD  HELP  THEM," may  be  we  don´t  have  gays  in  naija"hypocrites   i  use  this  opportunity   to  tell  womens  in  nigeria  that  if  a  man  wants  you  to  be  second  wife,  tell  him  i  want  you  to  be   second  man  and  see  how  he  will  feel.our  nigerian  womens  are  too  close  to  religion,i´m  not  saying religion  is  not  good  don´t  quote  me  wrong.  but  don´t  be  fanatic  about  religion  try  and  teach  other  womanswomen's to  accept polygamist  in  their  comunity  and  help  your  husband  with  good  family  planning.
all  around  the  world  the  greatest    way  of  changing  a  society  is  to  alow  allowdom  of  speech and  liberty   that    every  woman  been  is  equal  in  front  of  our  laws,we  don´t  have  to  discriminate  gays  because  of  our  religion  and  live  in  western  world  were  the  is   relative  peace  and  stability.we  need  our  nigeriaNigerian  to  come  up  and  change  this  our  rotin   society.remenber  i´m  not  a  gay  neither  a  women  just  a  call  for  reflection

Ummm,  I don't know where to begin with this post. First of all, I don't think you understand what homosexuality is. I can tell you that it is not about private parts, and it is not about the male species dominating the female species. It is having a sexual attraction to the same sex, hence, homo. Second of all, "womens"?? Come on now,

Sexy is a little skin and the rest left to the imagination. But with this dress we've seen it all. The arse no come too fine, at least if she had covered up a bit more, we would have been imagining a sexier arse than this.

Blame it on illiteracy. Half of those police men don't know jack about what it means to be a "peace" officer. Did they even finish secondary school? I doubt it.

Personally I'm okay footing the bill. I think it also depends on the kind of guy too.
My very first date, I paid the bill, but I find I was a teeny weeny bit dissappointed as the dude just sat back and let me pay it (and then he expected me to keep paying from then on). I know some other guys that have actually gotten offended that I offered to pay, to them it's like I'm insulting them or I'm trying to show off or something. It's really wierd
I never know what to do these days,  so I would just offer to pay it and then itz up to him to decline or accept it.

Iice is the chick dat nailed obie trice
twice as nice and thrice as wide

lol, pardon my blabbings, im tryna stay awake here.

Until he started being whiny and overly suspicious

Until he told me I was faat, (This is me at 5ft 7" and 64kg oh!!!), n dt if we got married, he'll hire a personal trainer just for me, so I keep looking good and don't "become fat like some naija women". kmt!! After that it was "hasta la vista baybee!"

What is Kanu Nwankwo still doing here? Why is Nigeria using recycled players. I strongly believe we have lots of "young", strong and vibrant players that haven't been discovered yet. They should scout for those ones, rather than going with the same old, over publicised names. Kanu, aiyegbeni, Yobo and all those old names need to fade.

I dunno much but I smell a rat here. 2 popular PDP men are switching to AC -> Oshomiole is a prominent AC guy -> Oshiomole was promoting Babangida's contest for Presidency in 2011. correct mi if i'm wrong, since PDP refused Babangida, he is scouting for a political party to run for. Therefore, would it be right to conclude that AC could possibly be the party that Babangida would run for?

These are just speculations on my path oh!

sorry @ iice, I tagged the wrong quote

ElRazur:
I have a fantasy of eating a wrinkled punnaniii. Can you make my dream come true?

Elrazzur refer to my earlier comment

iice:
[color=#9900ff]65 [/color]

wow Elrazur? really? wassup with the rawness, you know you don't have to be blatantly raw to acheive the "bad guy" status uv been trying to get. Just be your normal flirty self. We lurv u better that way

Nobody knows who will be great - -long story

is becasue they paid no attention to all their studys like illetrate


LOL@ Ghredon. From your above comment, seems like you paid perfect attention to your own 'studies' like the 'literate' you are. Good job.

Good stuff. I actually like to be asked where I am and who I'm talking to. Otherwise I feel you don't care enough to know. well datz just mi.

But relationships are about trial and error. If there's any habit I do that irks my bf, I'll expect him to let me know, either in a jokeful way or serious way. That way I know what to work on. I'm done trying to do stuff that write ups suggest you should do, just to be the "perfect girlfriend". They don't all work for everybody

@ poster
Yes there are- ME!!, But can you cut out the submissive part? , Maybe I'm over-westernised, but I feel when a guy says they want me submissive, they actually mean they want me"weak" and that I mosdef can't be.
Those of you saying beautiful and sexy don't go together with faithfulness, look again!

Jeez! just answer the topic. Ah ah! if you don't like the post move to another one!!

@ poster
-all the lines from Tuface's "African Queen" can get mi floating all day.
-all the lines from Marc Anthony's "I Love You" - infact jst sing it to mi, n I'll marry u, lol

I find songs get to mi faster than lines though.

sofeco:
@ Poster,

 Maybe you should check your mentality/attitude, the way you deal with them could be somehow irritating because it's very rear for a lady that is looking for husband/fiancée  to now see a ready made guy that has everything to sustain a relationship/marriage and still be bleeping up.
 
   Some girls/ladies dump some guys due to their mentality/attitude which they cannot cope with.

I second that. You probably need to change your mentality or attitude. You might have found the right one, but because you think it's all about your money, you end up putting her in the same category as the other gold diggers.
Or you probably turn the right girls off with the way you act or display your wealth.
I personally get turned off if I meet a guy for the first time and all he's talking about is what he has and what he drives,

Lets assume Goodluck decides to appoint naira landers to fill up the cabinet. Who will you appoint and in what position?
Here's my list:

NEC Chairman - otokx
Minister of Finance - spikedcylinder
Inspector General of Police -
Minister of Health - r231
Minister of Petroleum - Dis guy
Minister of Information - mama gee
Minister of Culture Tourism - chelseabmw
Minister of Sports - toluxa1
Minister of Justice - MrBrownJay
CBN Governor -
Minister of Power - candylips
Minister of Education - El Razur
EFCC Chairman -
Minister of Women Affairs - it's a tie btwn ebonyeyes, goggles, MrbrownJay, 190
Minister of Technology - 190
Minister of Foreign Affairs - stillwater
Minister of Youths - Sam

All he needs to do is appoint nairalanders for those positions. Infact someone shld start a new post on Nairalanders as cabinet members.

NEC Chairman - otokx
Minister of Finance - spikedcylinder
Inspector General of Police -
Minister of Health - r231
Minister of Petroleum - Dis guy
Minister of Information - mama gee
Minister of Culture Tourism - chelseabmw
Minister of Sports - toluxa1
Minister of Justice - MrBrownJay
CBN Governor -
Minister of Power - candylips
Minister of Education - El Razur
EFCC Chairman -
Minister of Women Affairs - it's a tie btwn ebonyeyes, goggles, MrbrownJay, 190
Minister of Technology - 190
Minister of Foreign Affairs - stillwater
Minister of Youths - Sam

emeka mn:
@NIKKnJAZZ i need dat ki

googles link=topic=397523.msg5504643#msg5504643 date=1266012058:
[size=13pt]hmm stealer why you be wan steal my kiss na
abegi leave my kiss jeje o u fit chop the the flower too [/size]

ss pass her but u fit giv her d flowers. . .

No fighting kids, Therz enough to go around. Emeka oya take this one .

googles dis mischeivous grin is very disturbing.
Naira landers, be my witnesses, I didn't say do anything bad oh! If u get in trouble, it wasn't mi.

Can't think of any right now.
But I know a girl whose bf dumped her cos she cut her hair- really low as in gorimakpa abi moro moro. The silly guy said he has a phobia for girls wit low cut, and decided to end things with her.

Vals day is a day for love. It doesn't necessarily have to be showing luv to someone else, baby girl, show love to urself if u feel left out, pamper yourself, go get a manicure, pedicure, spa, hot tub, massage, anything u wouldn't do for u on a normal day,
After all, what does the bible say: Love ur neighbour as u love urself.

 
Oya don't feel bad again oh: Here's a flower @------>-- and a kiss for u, lol

190:
[size=29pt]VIOLENCE BEGETS VIOLENCE[/size]

chikena!

eyoniggar:
Another thing is, I enjoy the violence, I find it sexy and romantic,
but attimes, it goes out of hand and I feel disguted and furious.

Another consideration is that babes is just 18, please dnt crucify me,
I have dated smally way younger than her that were never violent.

In my case, I can tolerate it, but can never marry such a girl
in as much as I would really love to.

error !! error!! error!!, This is just not right, shez young mehn, wake up n smell d roses.