₦airaland Forum

Episode 3

Lucifer

Twigs snapped against itself as the ironborns made their way through the thick forest. Their hideout has always been the forest.
The forest was wet, direct sunlight couldn't penetrate down because of the thick canopy composed by gaint tree branches.
"At last!" Henry breathed in satisfactory-relief as the five arrived their camp in the thick forest of Ibaka.
They sprayed their loot on the ground and began sharing.
They opened a box which contained stolen coconuts and bread, and helped themselves to a "sumptous' meal.
Henry retrieved his guitar and played a tune, then he raised his melodious voice to the skies.
♪Fairies are fair but the river is blue
♪Here comes my fairy! Alas comes my fairy ♪
♪Tell o'er the world♪
♪Tell her pretty boy is dying♪
♪Tell my fairy,I'm lost♪
♪Tell her i need her♪
♪The host are calling♪
♪Come my fairy, sit on my laps♪
♪let me hold you for a while♪
♪Tis sweet love, tis pure love♪
♪When I'll die and my soul soars♪
♪I'll remember, oh fairy♪
♪The touch of one sweet lady♪

The five cheered him as he sustained the song in a thick tenor voice and he ran his fingers expertly on the strings and performed a mock bow.
Even the trees appreciated his voice as they roared their branches in quick succession.
"Who could've known that a devil has the voice of an angel" Baros smiled.
"Boss! You've got the best voice" one of the five commended.
"I had always wanted to be a musician but...."
"But?"
"Never mind!" Henry breathed.
"Baros!" Henry called."Your father was a bishop".
"All correct" Baros muttered.
"What did he say about Lucifer?" Henry asked.
"He has never preached that part before!" Baros said.
"Quite absurd! as a son of a bishop that you are, you're supposed to know who Lucifer is?" Henry grimaced.
"Lucifer is the satan" Baros said after some seconds of thought.
"So Satan is his title?" Henry asked.
"I don't kno...."
"What is the difference between Lucifer and Satan?" Henry asked.
"Lucifer is the synonym of Satan" Baros added.
"What about Devil?" Henry asked.
"Devil is the opposite of satan!" Baros said.
"Ye wise Baros, verily, verily i say unto you thy knowledge shall perish with thee. You shall not pass this gene of gruesome stupidity to your generation unborn. Because they have done you no harm to receive your kind of talented foolishness!" Henry prayed.
"Amen" the men replied.
"Lucifer is the devil, the devil is satan and we are his children" Henry explained.
The men snapped their fingers above their head, and uttered 'God forbid'.
"Aren't we sons of the devil?" Henry asked.
"No I'm not. atleast i knew my father before he died, i am a son of my father not the devil" Baros said.
"What makes you think your father wasn't a devil?"
"He died a bishop, a holy one" Baros said.
"To Baros father!" Henry raised a cup of water.
"To Baros father!" The men replied and raised their cup.
"Lucifer was a choirmaster in heaven, he led the singers!"
"That's a lie!" Baros argued.
"Confirm it!"
"Where?"
"Hazariah 2 vs 16"
Baros chuckled. "Such place don't exist in the bib..."
"As i was saying, lucifer is evil but he has the voice of an angel" Henry paused a munched a generous quantity of coconut.
"That means you're lucifer!" Baros said.
"That's the point" Henry jumped.
"No one is perfect and no one is evil, we are inbetween, that's my philosophical belief" Henry smiled.
"Indulge us" the four men nodded thoughtfully.
"Lucifer is entirely evil, but he has a shred of goodness in him. He sings, he sang in heaven eventhough he started an opposition party in heaven to outrule the ruling party!" Henry analysed.
"There are no political parties in heaven!" Baros said.
"Unfortunately, your chief priest didn't tell you that!" Henry sniggered.
"Chief priest?"
"I mean your bishop father, wasn't he a chief priest in the council of perverts?"
"What's pervert?" Baros asked.
Henry smiled
"Pervert means group of female ushers, it is a collective noun" Henry analysed.
"Lucifer wanted to rule heaven so he decamped from the ruling party and begun his own party....."
They scrambled to their feet as they heard footsteps from the left wing.
"A grasscutter!" Baros breathed in relief.
"So as i was saying, politics started from....."
"Lucifer, please postpone the lectures" Baros sighed.
"No pastor will preach this, you all are lucky to have a born and seasoned criminalistic...."
"Luciferic" Baros added.
"Yea, criminalistic luciferic pastor like me" Henry smiled.
"Bloody kill me!" Baros cursed.
"When i make heaven, I'll control the wing of criminals over there"Henry boasted.
"I thought you wanted hell?" Baros asked.
"Well, i changed my mind. There are no singers in hell" Henry nodded.
"But you wish to control criminals in heaven not singers!" Baros smiled.
"I'll do both. You remember that criminal that was hung close to Christ?" Henry said.
"The one that repented on the cross?"
"Yea!"
"What about him?" Baros asked.
"He is my ancestor!" Henry sighed and rolled a wrap of cocaine.
"He was crucified by the right hand side of the master, that means he was a legend in what he did!" Henry dragged a puff.
"That makes him a legend?" Baros chuckled.
"The gods will strike you with gorilla-pox if you ask me any stupid question again!" Henry dragged in a puff.
"I thought it was chicken only, have scientist added an extra animal to 'pox' " Baros said and retrieved his blanket.
"The pox the gods will strike you with will be special" Henry closed his eyes.
"Your father!" Baros muttered inaudibly.
"I heard that" Henry flashed an angry look.
"I'm sorr...."
"Sorry for yourself! I never knew my father from birth, automatically that curse will return to your dad. Put amen to that" Henry said.
"Ame"
Henry flashed a deadly look.
"Ammme"
"I'll kill you Virus!"
"Amen!"
"Make it thunderous!" Henry ordered.
"Ammmmmen!"
"It has kwashiokor, i need a powerful amen that will shake the mountains".
"Ammmmmmmmen" Baros screamed.
"So be it!" Henry made the sign of the cross.
"But pox doesn't infect corpse!" Baros stucked his tongue.
"Let the gods who will carry out the act worry!" He laid down and sprung up thinking deeply.
"Baros, do you have faith?" Henry asked.
"Yea"
"Do you have faith that your prayer will be answered?"
"Huh?"
"The very moment you see your father dancing the free style version of tejumole in your dreams then you'll then know that your prayer has been answered".

emeernest:
Ok

Happy sunday

Episode 2

Hell's landing

An average lady raced out of the bathroom in nitro speed. She struggled with her clothes in the wardrobe as she thought of what to put on.
After rigorous searching, she settled for a blue ankara gown.
She had gotten an invitation from her Aunty for a two weeks holiday in a rural part of ibom state.
She catwalked to the mirror and applied lotion to her skin.
She was average in height, chocolate, you could say a combination of fair and light dark.
Filled with the part of a blossomed lady. She admired her self in the mirror, this has been a norm to her.
She could pass for a lady of twenty five though she was only twenty.
She slipped into her gown and arranged the gaders round it.
"Jennifer I'm through, the bus is waiting" her eighteen year-old sister screamed from the hallway.
"Patience please!" Jennifer screamed back.
"Come tell that to the driver, he is been honking for the past thirty minutes!" A masculine voiced screamed from the balcony.
Five minutes later, Jennifer walked gracefully towards the car park.
"You really don't know when to be angelic or when to be casual" Kelvin smiled as he admired his twin sister.
"I need to look good always!" Jennifer rolled her eyes.
"You're just going for a vacation in the village, you're dressing as if you are competing for miss Nigeria" Kelvin mocked.
"Kel, just leave me"
"I'm not holding you!" He raised his hands to the air.
"How will you cope with dad, you and him alone for two good weeks" Jennifer asked.
"I'm a big boy! I'll survive, take care of your self and Lucy" He smiled.
"Good bye twinnie!" They screamed at each other.
Jennifer boarded the vehicle and the journey to Ibaka commenced.
The journey lasted for two hours and they arrived a storey building in the heart of Ibaka.
They admired the green nature, the serenity, the breeze, bloody kill me!
Here was paradise.
Aunty Mercy, the girl's late mother's sister was at the park to receive the girls.
"Oh my! You girls are grown up ladies" Aunt Mercy screamed in excitement as she raced and hugged the girls.
They enveloped theirself in a warm hug.
"We miss you aunt" Lucy said with emotions.
"I miss you too!"
"Jenny you look more like a queen!"
"Thanks aunt" Jennifer smiled.
"Is your house far from here?" Lucy asked.
"Just a five minutes journey. You see there is no bike around here".
**************

Aunty Mercy cleared the table. They had just taken dinner of foofoo with Editanikong soup, they were sipping from a glass of fruit juice.
"So how is your studies?" Mercy asked.
"Hell" Jenny replied.
"Huh?"
"I told you i wanted to be an actress like Mercy Johnson" Jennifer sulked.
"Who is Mercy Johnson?" Aunty Mercy asked.
"That beautiful big breasted lady that was the lead..."
"I don't think i know her!"
"She has a very big breast!"
"I don't think i look at my fellow ladies breast".
"I'm just trying to describe her!"
"I asked you about your studies, not a lady's breast. By the way, why are you so keen about her breast?"
"I just wanted to be an actress like her- i wanted to study theatre arts but dad pushed me to law. Law is hell".
"Sorry!"
"Why the sympathy?, God knows I'll be the worst lawyer!" Jenny said.
"I've heard stories about streams, rivers, ocean but i haven't seen one" Lucy said amidst excitement.
"We'll love to visit one here!"they chorused.
"Is best you don't see one!" Aunty Mercy brought their hopes down.
"Why is that?"
"You guys are strangers, the river here don't like strangers!".
The girl's eyes popped open, and they fell into a bout of laughter. They laughed so hard till they fell off the chairs.
"Do you really think I'm joking?" Aunty Mercy asked.
"No! You're dead serious" Lucy said amidst giggles.
"Crappy shit!" Jennifer cursed.
"Watch your tongue young lady" Aunty Mercy warned.
"We have never offended the river, so i think it won't be having any problem with us" Jennifer shrugged.
"Have you heard of mermaid?" Aunty Mercy whispered.
"No indulge us".
"They are river goddess, they reside under seas and have great powers!".
"Lucy, when was the last time we listened to moonlight tales?" Jenny asked.
"My friend this is not a tale but the creator honest truth" Mercy half screamed. "If you go near that river when the goddess is angry, you might die!"
"Awwwwwn I'm scared" Lucy chuckled.
"Don't ever think of going close to any river in a strange land".
"But this isn't a strange land, this is my mum birthland" Jennifer argued.
"That makes you a stranger, you have your dad's name, automatically you are from....."
"Thanks for the lectures, i want to sleep" Jennifer grabbed her glass of juice and left the sitting room.

Henry, the tallest amongst the iron borns who was the team leader, directed them to a building. They put on their mask to conceal their faces and marched towards the door.
"The ironborns are here, open up!" Henry screamed.
That particular title instilled fear into the hearts of many.
"Iffa break down this door, I'll kill every soul" Henry screamed and kicked the door.
He wore a shock absorber on his leg, with joint effort, they kicked the door to the point of damage. Henry stepped back and fired four bullet straight into the lock and the door gave way.
They moved strategically into the room and saw two women whimpering in fear.
"What did i say outside there?" Henry roared in anger.
"Abeg! Abeg!! Abeg!!!" An aged lady begged, her face filled with tears and catarhh flowing rapidly from her nose into her mouth.
"What is 'abeg'!" Henry smacked her back with the butt of his riffle.
The woman released series of fart.
"Hmmm my nose has smelled rotten nonsense. Do you think i came here to inhale your mess!" Henry said in gritted teeth.
"I no underst..."
"Sharrap! What did you eat?" Henry asked.
"I no understand you" the woman whimpered.
"You don't underwhat?"
"She doesn't understand you" the other lady spoke for the first time.
"What does she understand?" Henry asked.
"Pidgin" the younger lady said.
"Pigeon?" Henry asked.
"Pidgin!"
"What the Bleep is pigeon!" Henry screamed.
"Boss! we gast hasten up" one of the five peered into his wristwatch.
"We'll take it slow with them, we've got all night!" Henry said.
"Boss our safety...."
"If you're not iron enough for this night, go Bleep yourself!" Henry muttered.
"Who owns this stinking place?" Henry asked.
"She" the younger lady pointing at the older woman.
"How much do you have?" Henry asked.
The older lady eyes met Henry's own.
"Do you need an interpreter?" Henry squatted close to her.
"Baros! our old lady needs an interpreter!" Henry chuckled.
"I'll gladly do the job!" Baros, the smallest of the five surged forward.
"Baros, ask the woman how much she has?" Henry asked.
"Old woman, you get money?" Baros asked.
"Money no deh" the woman replied.
"Boss! Mama said she has no money!"
"Mamma must be a fool!" Henry nodded.
"Mamma oga talk say you na fool!" Baros said.
"I no get anything abeg!" The woman pleaded.
"Boss! The woman says she is poverty stricken".
"Tell her that heaven will make her rich!" Henry said and began searching the room.
"Mamma! My boss say God ko bless you" Baros said.
"Amen!!!!" The old woman said.
"If una no ko take anything commot, God ko bless una well!" The woman pleaded.
"Boss mamna said if we leave without tampering her things that God will bless us!".
"Tell her to die in hell! God kill me iffa don't tear this house down!" Henry said.
"Should i interprete that?" Baros asked.
"Who owns this laptop?" Henry chuckled.
"Noooo please don't take it" the younger lady screamed.
"All my important project are in it" the lady screamed. "Mummy please beg them not to take it".
"Easy sweetheart!" Henry cooed.
"Boss" one of the five handed Henry a wad of one thousand naira notes.
"Please that is my school fees?" The lady screamed. "That money was borrowed". She cried.
"Baros tell the old woman that we've finished here!" Henry pocketed the money.
"Mamma we don finish!"
"I'm a final year student of the uni pls that money is...."
"Sweetheart?" Henry called.
"Yes please" the lady sobbed.
"How much is it?"
"Two hundred and fifty thousand that's my clearance fees, my school fees, house rent...." she sobbed.
"Baros tell her what christ told his disciples on the mountain about asking and giving" Henry said with a grim face.
"Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock it shall be opened" Baros said.
"May heaven bless this house!" Henry said.
"Amen" the iron men echoed into the night.
"Baros, what the prophet isaiah say about cankerworms!" Henry asked.
"I'll restore the years the cankerworms and caterpillars have eaten thus saith the Lord of Israel" Baros said.
"Baros, tell the old momma to wish us farewell" Henry said and cocked his pistol.
"Madam! my oga say make you wish us byebye!" Baros said.
"Is she to wish us byebye or to tell us byebye. Baros pay attention to your grammatical construction" Henry said.
"Should i tell...."
"Please! If you leave I'll kill my self, that money is my life, that laptop contains my life works" the lady sobbed.
"Baros, you father was a bishop! Am i right?" Henry asked.
"All correct sir"
"Will he support suicide?" Henry asked.
"No he won't"
"My sweetheart wants to kill herself and i won't let that happen".
Henry cocked his pistol.
"Suicide is a sin, let me have the honour not you". Henry shot her dead.
"Adiaha mi oooooo" the old woman screamed.
"We've finished here" Henry marched into the dark with his men.

Episode 1


.Iron Borns.

Five guys sat on broken concrete blocks of an uncompleted building smoking and rapping some freestyle songs.
They had earlier robbed a lady of her money, and bought excess weed with it.
The sun was almost hiding her face from Ibaka, an interior village in Ibom State.
The five guys screamed incohorent words as they dragged in heavy puffs of smoke into their system. Their eyes were bloodshot and their fist clenched.
"Who said smoking is a crime?" Henry screamed.
"The bishops, reverend and the holy men" Jaime responded.
"Why did the heavens create smoking?".
"I personally, i don't think smoking is a crime. Do you know the height of glory i do walk on after smoking?" Baros asked.
"The only way to go to heaven is this" Jerry raised his pipe to the sky.
"Government should include smoking to Nigerian budget, cuz it saves life. Marijuana, cocaine, tobacco-they are all friend to little children". Hogan laughed hard.
"There was a night i saw two angels smoking and one of them said, ohh come onto me, ye that are heavy ladden and i will give you rest!" Henry sniggered.
"I thought that portion was for ladies with big breast, why would it say: come unto ye that are heavily laddened with booty and i will give you sex!".
"It is not sex, it is rest!"
"Confirm from the scriptures!"
"I'm quoting what the angel told me!"
"And what did you do?"
"With measured steps i walked towards the angel, i was scared. The angel ordered me to sit and intoduced himself as angel comari!
He told me that co means cocaine and mari means marijuana!"
The guys cheered.
"The angel told me, he was the Chief general associators of smokers in heaven. Why do you think churches, pastors, prophets calls those in heaven 'most high'?".
"Because of the height! They stay in the heavens, we stay on earth!".
"You're wrong, that's what i thought before until the angel told me that no one smokes better than heavenly creatures that's why they are the most high!"
"But he told me that smoking was banned in heaven, so they do sneak out to smoke".
"If smoking has been banned in heaven, i won't go there again, I'll choose hell!".
"Why?"
"Cuz there is fire in there, I'll just smuggle in wraps of cocaine, light it up and smoke my way to destruction, smoke my way to desolation, smoke my way to confusion. You know my future ambition?"
"Never had the pleasure of knowing it".
"I want to be a chain smoker".
"But you're already one".
"I want to lead the band wagon of smokers in hell".
They continued their self justification till midnight.

The five guys of the same age group had come to build a kind of bond, an inseperable bond. They were perpertrators of all kind of criminal activities. They called themselves the "Iron borns".
They were dropouts of the higher institution and they took to crime to survive.
When the darkness was thick enough, they grabbed their locally made riffles and hopped into the bush.

This story is dedicated to the African youth.
Episode Alert:
Episode 1 : The Ironborns.
Episide 2 : Hell's landing.
Episode 3 : Lucifer
Episode 4 : Survival Race
Episode 5 : Hell on Earth
Episode 6: Lucy fell, Five men, The wolf.
Episode 7 : Valar Morghulis
Episode 8 : The Vicar of truth
Episode 9 : Ironborn, now Born again
Episode 10: Lucifer and Jennifer
Episode 11: Complicated Romance
Episode 12: Love match
Episode 13: B.M.W
Episode 14: Nemesis
Episode 15: Judgement Day

No part of this series may be reproduced without my consent.
This work is purely fiction, its resemblance to any person or location is purely coincidental.

Trinity Productions
John Mfon
©2020
09073231030

Fresh episode loading........

mychiveous:
Come and continue desire na. The story wasn't that long o.

Updates begins nextweek

ifiokbenzy:
Mfon it's been a long time I read interesting write-ups. Your inspirational thought is undefiled. Muah...keep it up

Thanks.

ojaysam25:
can't believe I actually read the story all through...nice captivating story and very hilarious sheets....
thump up� to you bro

Thanks.

Quicksilver14:
So I'd read this long thing and not comment?

Nice story. A few tips.

You have to make the intro more catching.
Something that would make others want to continue reading.

I like your punctuations.

Emphasize on some points to create a more visual representation of your story.

Are you ibibio?

Yea! I'm ibibio

Legitdimple:
Oh! Interesting and informative,thumbs up!!!

Thanks.

Jackossky:
Good to know Jack's life positively changed.
4 years later, he became an outstanding soldier...

Thanks for your interest.

Episode 4

Two weeks after Val, the school was on fire: all manners of life threatening report was made. Many girls had a new walking step, most of them lost their 'hymen' to guys who managed to get them kunu and eggroll on Val's day. A certain report was brought to the school that a group of ritualist inserted fetish items into the vagina of four girls in an hotel room but one luckily escaped to tell the tale, unfortunately, the rest died a week later. Rumours circulated round the school that a number of girls were pregnant and so they stoped school, most of them were now shadow of themselves after the trauma of aborting a baby that was made on Val's day. Less than twenty girls lost their life during the process of abortion as they took in toxic substance to abort the child. Most of them, on their death bed confessed their deeds to their parents and guys responsible were cooling their heads off in the police cell. A teacher died of cardiac arrest during the active service of sex. After Post-mortem was carried out, it was discovered that he took sex enhancing drugs.
he died with saliva and mucus dripping down his nose, the girl he carried the service with was currently in a white garment church seeking mercy from God.
Many girls became enemies as complains of : "you slept with my guy, he disvirgined me" filled the air. Most guys were not left out as they exchanged punches with their potential enemies claiming the person hijacked their date during val.
Most guys evaded classes so as to avoid some girls they slept with, while most ladies cried to death when they discovered their body was only used as a sex tool.
Few found love.

Jackson sat in a secluded area in school trying to think about the occurence in school. SSCE was fast approaching. The girl Evelyn was on his mind, he chuckled as he remembered Val's day, a day he got drilled by a General, a day he could have disvirgined a girl, a day he could have......
He shrugged, Valentine was a spirit with two heads... aye.

The Senior secondary certificate examination began and all student 'gave their mind to it'.
After the result was out, Captain Jack squashed the examination.
He had seven F and one C.
He cried, in anger he left to church with his result to testify about the witches of his village responsible for his failure. His dad as usual took him through anothet rigorous fasting and broke more bottles of egg and olive oil on his head. Jack head had grown extra thick due to the amount of bottles being broken on it.
The next year he registered for JAMB and GCE. But on JAMB examination day, he was chased by a mad dog and he ran and got lost. Before he could recover the route back to the exam hall, it was nine hours later.
He wrote GCE and made seven F and one C, he gave up.
He thought school wasn't for him.
He decided to learn a trade. his mother tried to make him learn most lucrative masculine trade but he wanted learning hairdressing. His mum pleaded with him to focus on the barbing part but he wanted female hairdressing. When his dad heard of the decision, he tagged him a son possessed with marine spirits.
Nevertheless, Captain bought the required items and paid for the one year training in a reputable hairdressing saloon.
His first day at work was a disaster, as he told everyone including his boss to call him Captain. The very moment he placed his iron hands on a woman to practise, the woman screamed loud as he pulled the strands of the lady's hair as if he pulled a rope. That earned numerous lumps on his head as the boss will always hit him repeatedly with the heel of her shoes. But he never stopped.
After two months, he was expelled.
Captain Jack applied in a warehouse as a sales boy and he was employed. Within the space of two weeks, he broke over sixty bottles of drinks. The owner got fed up one day and slammed a bottle of coke on Jack's head but was suprised when the was no reaction.
Jack smiled and left.
From all angles, he knew he was cursed. He stayed at home for months and almost died of boredom.
Jack decided to join his dad on his gospel mission. That day they moved round the market screaming and preaching. Jack never knew any portion of the Bible, he only nodded and spoke in strange tongues to spice his dad's message.
After the gospel session, his dad asked him to strike a chorus.
Jack thought for a while, the song that came into his mind was 'Gentleman' by Fela Anikulapo.
He sang it out.
♪i no be gentleman atall♪
♪i be African man, original!♪

His dad without warning, slammed a bottle of Olive oil on his head.
"Are you worshipping the God of Fela here?" Dad screamed.
The people in the market screamed when they didn't see any trace of blood on Jack's head.
Dad sang a chorus and gave him a basin to move round the market and get offering.
"I see your husband dying in a keke accident, i see your first son doing marchpast under the bridge, i see your daughter being elected as the chairlady association of madwomen! Sow a seed so that heaven will smoke your suffering out" Jack will prophesy to anybody he sees then he'll hand the basin towards the person for money.
After the tedious exercise under the sun, they returned home to count their proceedings.
Dad accused Jack of stealing the church offering.
"Why am i seeing only two thousand?" Dad screamed.
"Dad, i didn't count the money!" Jack defended.
"Just today that you lended Christ your life, you want to destroy my ministry!" Dad screamed and rushed inside his room and soon emerged with two cutlass and a dane gun.
He held the two cutlass and swung it vigorously as if preparing to battle a deadly monster.
"Daddy! How many times do you want to kill me, atleast one cutlass is enough!" Jack screamed and raced out of the house.
***************


Jack chuckled lightly as he reminisced on his life. He was approaching the age of thirty, no girlfriend, no career, no job.
He shifted his tablefan closer as he was drenched with sweat.
He thought of different business ideas, he could embark on. The following day was Valentine, he thought buying condoms in pack and selling them on a high rate since the demand for it will be high.
He couldn't come up with a better plan.

*14th Febuary 2020*

Jack sat on a sloppy hill and viewed the activities on the street, preparations was on high gear against the golden night.
He smiled to himself, no job, no girl.
A particular car caught his attention.
A red highlander halted and a tall beautiful lady alighted.
Captain Jack's eyes popped wild.
"Evelyn" he couldn't stop the voice.
The lady turned swiftly towards the direction she heard her name.
"Jjjjjj" she stuttered.
Jack raced down with a scream and enveloped her in a hug.
"How are you?" He breathed in excitement.
"Are you Jack?" She asked.
"Yes".
"Oh my gosh!" The memories began flooding in.
"Today is Val" she breathed.
"Yea! and you're still fresh on my mind!" Jack said.

Jack entered into her car and they drove to a posh restaurant.
They sat over a bottle of expensive wine and a plate of barbequed fishes.
"So how is life?" Jack asked.
"Good! I'm a medical surgeon now working with the military hospital" she said. "And you?"
"I am like a lizard, i have no house!".
"You haven't desisted from this your funny act!" She said as she sipped her wine.
"I'm damn serious! I'm just an empty vessel, no career, no job. I've always wanted to be in the force but i d....."
"Shhhh! Don't lament,".
"I don't even have an O level result" .
"Gosh! In life, circumstances arises to train us and not to weigh us down. If you're still nursing the ambition of being in the force, you can still make it".
"Can i?" He shrugged.
"Believe that you can and you will" she said.
Jack breathed.
"Are you married?" She asked.
"Noo".
"Thank God!" She breathed.
"What are you thanking God for?" Jack asked suprised.
"Right from the last valentine day in school, I've always nursed the thought to see you again. I ate your bread and moimoi".
Jack jerked.

With the help of Evelyn, he wrote GCE and JAMB and was admitted in the Naval Academy.
Captain Jack dreams weren't cut short.
"Would you wait for me?" Jack asked Evelyn as he arranged his luggages at the park.
"I'll wait for you no matter how long it takes you to graduate over there! The future is bleak but I'm certain there will always be light at the end of the tunnel" She said with tears.
"Aye!"

*THE END*

Valentine has two heads, one ugly and one beautiful. Let us not be lost in its fumes. This is not neccessarily the time to Bleep and get bleeped up. You can touch anyone's life positively, not negatively. Yo can strenghten someone else heart, not to break it.
You could use this period to solidify a family bond, a friendship bond or a relationship. Let's damn compensation after every gift, let's damn sex orgy after every cock and bull date.
Let's exhibit true, pure, real love with no sinister motives.
I love you all.

Desire continues nextweek...........

Captain Jack

Dedicated to all lovers....

Written by:John Mfon
Episode 1

Jackson Albert, a man who had tasted the hard realities of life. He had come to realise lately that the world wasn't a bed of roses.
Right from his primary school down to his secondary level had always been a tough survival.
His dad had long abandoned him to his fate because he was an illegitimate son, a son of a love peddler. His mother had taken the responsibility of nurturing him. Jackson was groomed under a harsh condition.
He attended a public primary school and used four exercise books from his primary one through six, a pair of sandals which had visited the hospital for stitches. The sandals had been the only shoe in his life.
Poor mother will always sit and cry, at times, she cursed her husband why he named her son 'Jackson' to her, jack was a name for pets.
Despite the struggles, Jackson graduated from primary school and prepared for life in secondary school.
His mum had to sit him down.
"JJ my only son, it was never my intention to be poor, i had a bright future but my parent had no money to sponsor my dream. God decided to curse me with a big buttocks, and right from fifteen, men started trooping after me. Because of my financial condition i decided to make money from them. During the long run, i met the useless man called your father. He promised to marry him if i quit prostitution which i did. But right from when i married him I've been living like a slave. I don't want you to be like me, i don't want you to be like your father" she said in ibibio.
"But dad is a pastor! we need to follow his footsteps" Jackson argued.
"Your father is a yahoo pastor" the mum screamed.
Jackson stared at his mum.
"Your daddy is no pastor, he is a drunkard of a pastor! He drinks every time and that's why he was anionted pastor, he pastors only touts and drunkard!".
Jackson chuckled, he remembered countless time he had to bring his dad home in a wheelbarrow. Most times, he do ask his dad why he sleeps in gutters most times but the man will always say:after ministration, i do what the spirit tells me.
So the spirit do tells you to swimm in a gutter? He'll argue further.
My bastard baby shattap, you don't know anything about missionary works. In the 90s, we the missionaries do sleep in forests, but thank God for technology, we now have roads with well developed drainage system which the man of God can rest his head, i do commune well with God when I'm in the gutter. Why do you think that Christ was born in a manger, we've to follow christ.

"Jackson" his mum screamed.
He jolted.
"What are you thinking about?".
He nodded his head in negative.
"Your father is a wicked man, i want you to be a better man in life, you are big and i want you to know that the day you impregnate a girl, your sufferings begin. So what do you want to be in future?"
Jackson thought for a while.
"I want you to be a Doctor".
He nodded in negative.
"Dad said bastards are never doctors, that they will kill the patient before the patient thinks of dying".
"He said that?" Mum sobbed.
"He said my place is in the village council hall, he said i smell like sour plantain".
She snapped her fingers.
"He told me that I'm a by-product and that he is planning to kill me and use my body to prepare suya!".
"Jesus" she screamed.
"I want to be an army".
"Nooo, you'll die, i don't want you to live me" she screamed and held his son hands.

Uproars and screams were heard as someone knocked at the door.

Mrs.Albert saw her husband on suit with a holy bible lying on the floor and speaking in tongues.
"How long will you continue to disgrace me" she thought.

Mr.Albert had anionted himself with bottles of locally made gin. The gin lifted his soul up and made him gallant in the things of the spirit, he chased every single kid on the road, he kept on binding and casting nepa poles which he thought were tall demons. He urinated on himself and constantly used the gutters instead of the road. He saw people as birds and the gutter as an airport.
He met two ladies on the street and he decided to try his toasting skills, but he kept on screaming and singing the national anthem, he convinced the ladies that he'll take them to a hotel. The ladies on seeing his plight decided to drag him home.

Mr.Albert heard a familiar voice and he jerked up.
"Oooh we've finally reached the hotel" he tried to stand but he lost balance and fell down.
His eyes popped open when he saw his wife and son.
"I said it, it will come to this! You went to an hotel, you did not only go to an hotel, you took my son with you so that he can be playing referee, God will judge us here!" He tried to stand and he lost balance and fell into a drum of oil.
"My ladies, take me out of here. I don't need a swimming pool".


Episode 2

Jackson commenced secondary school the following year. He was always claiming 'soldier'. He fought seniors almost every day. He could sag his trousers, wear coloured trainers, fry his hair and no one would touch him.
He told the whole school that he wanted being in the army. During break he will jog round the school field, do strenous exercises to the admiration of females.

"Jackson! What is a noun?" The english master asked.
He stood up and adjusted his collar, he was the biggest pupil in JSS1.
"I'm waiting!"
Jackson thought for a while....
"Is it needed in the army?" Jackson asked.
"What do you mean?".
"You cannot ask an army boy that question!".
"Are you insane?" The teacher asked. He grabbed a cane and whipped Jackson. Without warning, Jackson gave him a sliding tackle. The english master fell like a bag of garri, he lay on the ground and began to cry. The class screamed, but Jackson ordered them to sleep.

The next day, he was told to lie on the ground by the principal.
Jackson fell like a palm tree and started a session of press- up.
The principal ordered him to frog jump round the field and he did same.
After the incident, he reduced his intensity for trouble untill his final year.

A new girl was admitted in saint Andrews School.
Every guy stared in astonishment as the beauty catwalked into the class.
Jackson was absent, he was confused on which course to offer, he kept on pestering the Principal if Army is a science or arts course.

The very day he resumed school, he decided to offer science subjects.
He met the new girl in class and he was told that she was a General's daughter. Right from that day he automatically became a bright student.
"Class, who knows the meaning of a cell?" The biology mistress asked.
Inorder to impress the girl.
Jackson stood up and cleared his throat, he twisted his neck and fell like a palm tree and began a press-up session.
"Are you mad!" The teacher asked.
"Sorry sir, i was trying to exercise my brain as a captain in the force!" He faced the girl. "A cell, according to Wole Soyinka dictionary is a process of disco seperation in a club, it is a phrase used by men and women. I also made my observation, a cell in the army is a machine gun used for......."
"Clap for yaself, see your mouth like yam tuber!".

During the maths session, an equation was given on the board and he rose up and propounded a useless formula, a formula his dad wrote.
"State pythagoras thoery!" The maths teacher asked him after he finished solving his wonder maths.
"When the triangle is Y, then the structure of rectangle is X, logically the rectangular triangle will be the nemesis in the equation".
"Who gave birth to you?" The math teacher asked.
"My mum".
"When you go home greet her for me!"
"Huh?"
"Tell her i said that she has done well to keep you till this age, if you were my son i would have poisoned you because of your foolishness!".
Jackson moved to his seat.
Episode 3

Jackson kept on playing the intelligent kid in class and at the same time exposing his natural inborn stupidity.
During recess, he strolled towards the general's daughter.
"Hi, I'm Jack son of Captain Albert" he stretched his hands.
The girl stared at him from head to toe and chuckled lightly.
"Hey" he waved his hands.
The girl ignored him.
"Many ladies will count this opportunity as a rare priviledge to speak to me....."
"Who do you think you are?" She snapped.
"Oooh! I'm sorry, i thought you are dumb" Jackson chuckled.
"Are you not the class clown?" The girl asked.
"Class clown?" He asked in confusion.
"Are you not the guy that answers question through the brain in your anus?".
"I'm sorry, you're unto the wrong person!" He said and dragged a chair closer to the girl.
"You see, many students and teachers in this school underrate me. I am someone that reads books, newspapers, signpost, i read anything readable that's why i have knowledge. And when i speak, my knowledge surpasses the teachers that's why they think I'm talking thrash" Jack said.
"Interesting!" The girl chuckled.
"So your knowledge made you understand that a cell is a machine gun?" She scoffed.
"You won't understand" Jack said.
"Then make me understand".
Jackson breathed.
"I am Evelyn" she gave a disarming smile.
Jackson breathed in admiration.
"You're beautiful"
She blushed excessively.
The boys in the class had began cheering Jackson.
"No near am oooo! Her papa na army man!" The boys screamed.
"Oops! I forgot telling you that i have animals for classmates. Let's go to the field" Jackson led her outside the classroom and they moved to the field and sat.
"I find you irresistible" Jack breathed.
"Let's not go there" she muttered.
"Why did you leave your former school when you're almost completing.....".
"I felt like changing school!" She said.
"Just that!" Jack stared at her in disbelief.
"I attended a big private right from my kindergarten and i got used to seeing rich spoilt kid, i needed to visit where I'll find raw and tough guys!..... you won't understand!" She sighed.
"I understand you perfectly....even the rich might want to exchange place with the poor, such is life" Jackson muttered.
"Can we be friends....like thick friends?" She asked.
"We are friends!"
"No i mean intimate friends!"
"I love blunt girls, you're bold!" Jackson smiled.
"Is that the answer to my question?"
"I'm game" he stretched his hands forward but Evelyn hugged him tight.
It seems the hug lasted for eternity.
"A teacher is ......"
"Sit here we're seniors! No teacher can do shit with me" Jackson bragged.
"You said your dad is a captain!"
"Me!" He jerked in confusion. "Oooooooh, my dad is a retired boko haramist but he is a soldier now!".
"Huh?"
"You won't understand" he said.
************

Jackson and Evelyn friendship blossomed and it became the talk of the school. They exchanged romantic letters on daily basis and Jackson will always nail the letters to the wall like calenders in hïร room. Once his dad entered his room and noticed the amount of papers that had been nailed to the wall. He almost killed Jackson, he told the poor boy that he is going diabolical and taking after Lucifer the devil by nailing different papers to the wall with a sixteen inches nail. He made Jack go through a rigorous fourteen days fast, and at the end he baptised him with a bottle of beer, he claimed he couldn't find a bottle of olive oil.
When he later found one, he broke the bottle on his son head as part of the deliverance.


Their friendship developed into a relationship and they began nursing dreams towards marriage. Jackson was twenty while Evelyn was fifteen.
Dating a general's daughter was fun.

Febuary 14

Jack thought of what to give his bae, he had a few coin on him. He strolled to the supermarket and found a wrist watch, he saw the price tag and he almost wept. Twenty thousand just for an ordinary wrist watch. He had only five hundred naira. The only thought that came into his mind was bread and akara, that was what he could afford. Akara seems local.
he asked the price of a big loaf of bread and the price shocked him. Seven hundred naira. He cursed the shop keeper and marched out of the shop. He trekked for one hour and arrived at a bakery. He bought a big loaf for three hundred naira and he bought moimoi from a food vendor.
He bought a wrapping paper from a nearby shop and wrapped the bread and the moimoi.
He sat near a fence, pulled out his pen and began writing

Oh my precious Evelyn, words cannot describe the love i have for you. I trekk four hundred metres under the sun to buy you a gift. That shows my love. Please don't laugh when you open the gift. Silver and gold i have not, but what i have us what i give. In the name of the lord i am rich enough to buy you bread and moimoi. Chop and be healthy. The moimoi is a sweet one so don't worry you shall not mess too much. If you check Songs of Solomon, the bible says: i sought for my wife, she was beautiful, her breast were like twin towers, thy lips are fresh like scarlet. Your father loves you but i love you better than him, while Jesus loves you best than us.
Amen!
Yours lovingly
Jackson.

He pasted the letter on the gift and resumed his israelite journey.
He arrived Evelyn's house sweating as a guinea fowl. He knocked at the gate.
Few minutes later, the gate was unlocked by Evelyn.
"See my baby" She hugged him.
Jackson admired the exterior decoration of the house.
"Don't worry my dad isn't around" She said on noticing his tension.
"What of your mum?"
"She is dead!" She replied.
"Eyyaaah! Take heart" he responded like a typical naija- burial -sympathizer.
"You bought me a gift! Awwwwwn, that's so special!" She said and took the gift from him.
"Don't open that gift, until i leave this environment" Jackson said.
"Is it bomb?" She asked.
"It is more than bomb, infact it is a grenade" he said.
She offered him a bottle of soda, and sat close to him with full concentration on the TV.
Jack scrutinised her body and immediately a boner formed in his trousers. He slipped his hands below her skirt. She jerked.
"What do you think you're doing?" She asked.
"Nothing!" He was already breathing hard.
"I'm scared! I've never done it before!!" She said.
"I'll teach you" he unbuckled his belt quickly.
"It'll pain me" she said.
"I'll do it slowly!" He tore her shirt and grabbed her boobs.
'Fresh'.
Evelyn wobbled, arched her back and grunted as strange feelings swept through her. The breeze coming from the AC made her nipples hardened. She screamed as Jack played with her body.
"We were taught to use condoms. Are you with one?" She manage to gasp.
Jack thought for a while, he quickly put on his boxers and rushed outside and few seconds later, he came in with a blade of grass, he even forgot to lock the door.
He tied the grass on his manhood.
Evelyn jerked.
"You are a witch doctor! What do you want to do?" She got up.
"Relax, i don't want you to get pregnant!" He tried to touch her but she recoiled.
"Is that the condom you're supposed to use?".
"This grass is more effective!" He said.
"There is no way I'm letting that enter my ......."

"If you move i shoot"
they all turn to see the owner of the house pointing a riffle at them.
"Evelyn, i thought you were still a baby!" General roared.
Evelyn went on her knees and began sobbing.
Jackson just remain footed on the spot.
The general gave an evil laughter when he saw the naked Jack with grasses tied round his dick. He rushed and punched Jack squarely. He aimed his riffle at Jack's dick.
"Oga please don't kill that thing that is my possession in life! you can kill me" he pleaded.
"You fool!" The general screamed and ordered his boys to lift Jackson up.
"I'm taking both of you to the school right away!" He roared.
His men wanted throwing Jackson into the car but he screamed at them.
"don't put that fool in my car, he is not worthy to be in my car".
A truck was brought and attached to the bonnet of the car. Jackson and Evelyn were thrown into the truck.
The general jumped into the car and drove off.
Jackson regret was the bread and moimoi which he didn't eat.
***********
Everyone in Saint Andrews, left their classes to watch the free exhibition.
The general drove round the sloppy field, causing the truck to jerk severely and make funny sounds. He brought the car to a halt. His men bundled Jack and Evelyn and slammed them on the field.
"Where is the principal! Who is the principal!! How is he!!!" The general screamed.
The female principal rushed forward, she tried to disperse the crowd but failed woefully.
"Are you the principal?" He roared.
"Yes!" She whimpered.
"This children had the guts to Bleep in my house! I want to teach them a lesson" he retrieved his riffle and fired to the space. Everyone shivered in fright and excitement.
"You" he pointed at Jack.
"Aye sir" Jack stood and saluted.
The general stared at him keenly.
"Are you in the military?" He asked.
"I'm not, but I'm prepared to be" Jack replied ruggedly.
The students cheered him.
The General smiled.
"Frog jump from the end of that field to this spot!".
"Aye!" Jackson began the session and the General watched in astonishment.
Jackson completed the session and stood as if nothing happened.
"Oya lie down" The General retrieved a whip from his car and gave Jackson twentyeight lashes but he never shook his body.
The General stared at him in frustration.
"I want you to do seventy push-ups now!".
"Aye!" That was his favourite, he did one hundred and one push ups and chuckled.
The General gave up.
The whole school cheered him
"Captain! Captain!! Captain!!! Captain!!!! Captain!!!!! Captain Jack!!!!!!.
The General grabbed his daughter, flung her into the car and sped off.
Jack never saw Evelyn again, he prayed the girl eat the bread and moimoi, atleast that was his Val gift to a girl.

Teedah:
All the best. Wish you success.

Thanks....
I feel special.

Madosky112:
Thanks bro,,,, wish you success

I'm overjoyed.

Seunfunmi18:
Best of luck in your upcoming exam

Thanks..... I'm gladdened.

Please noble literati(s), it is not my intention to keep you guys in suspense, but i'm currently studying for an important examination that will hold on march. I know you guys might loose interest but i promise too hasten up and feed you guys soon. I can't write with the exam saga on my mind.
I need your prayers.............
hopefully after, DESIRE the comedy series will continue..............

Thanks.

Zotty:
Alright boss
which u quick recovery from the pressure

thanks.

My esteemed literati(s), I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I'm under severe pressue as at now, but i promise to drop one before Friday .
Peace

Oly23:
Nah, this one didn't cut it for me, it didn't have it's usual vibes!! Author sweet if your juices are drying out maybe take a break though I am sure a lot of persons won't appreciate it, me included. Also rape is a rather sensitive issue to joke with, inspector Timi saying he won't prosecute Dickson because of what the girl was wearing at the time is just low.

Oly baby i perfectly understand you.
But to grasp the beauty of any work of arts, you need to look beyond the writer and see the characters.
Timi is kind of an over jovial individual, who tends to reason from his d**k. Psycologically, he reasons like a lunatic, you saw the way he handled Vera's case. In reality, there are people who are mentally lunatic (no pun intended). but Bernice will be his nemesis.
Nine days for the thief, one day is gonna certainly be a doom.

About the vibes stuff, man pikin deh try his best, in life we cant certainly satisfy everyone.

Muuuahhh.(collect kiss)

Chapter 20
Prognosis
Uyo, Akwaibom State

The story so far...........

Lydia and Inspector Timi carried on their relationship on Lydia's terms though Timi had some reservation but he had to carry on because he believed that everything will naturally fall in place. He kind of felt a valetudinarian thought concerning her. He couldn't really position his line of thought concerning the relationship, all he felt was a bulge in his trousers anytime the image of Lydia crossed his mind.
"I'm not sure this is love!" He punched the air with a mug of nescafe.
"Do i even know the meaning of love?" He thought further. "I use to think that one's heart beat while in love, but why is my own case different, my prick only beats instead of my heart".
His acephalous thought made him spill his tea on his shirt.
Damn!
He tried to make a prognosis, a forecast, a kind of mental comparison between Lydia and the new lady he just met in the early hours of today.

Flash (8:00am)

Timi chuckled slightly as a tall busty lady moved into the sitting room.
A case of rape had been brought to his office by a devastated rich family and he had promised to look into the case with utmost alacrity and seriousness and bring the pepetrator to justice. He never handled female cases because of his condition of getting aroused anytime he had a brief conversation with a lady no matter the emotion at that particular time. But after his session with Lydia's friends, any case related to female had always interest him.
"Good day sir" the girl jolted him from his thought.
He showed his dentition in response.
"I thought you won't make it today,but my mum assured me you'll come" the lady said.
"I'm a competent officer of the law, i keep to time" Timi voiced.
"That's good, so what can i offer you?".
"Nothing" he tilted forward, "let's move over to the business of the day. So what's that your name again?"
"Bernice"
"Huh?"
"Bernice"
"Penis"
"Stop it! I said Beeerrrnnnice" the lady rolled her eyes.
"Why your name deh sound like man private part?" Timi said.
"I'll pretend like i didn't hear that" Bernice said in anger.
"I'm sorry, i just need to clear the air" Timi chuckled.
"Apologies accepted".
"Ok! please to aid the officers of the law carry out their job successfully all your answers must be clear no facial gestures copy?"
"Yes" the lady breathed.
"What offence did you commit that warranted such name from your parent?" Timi asked.
"What name?"
"Your name!" Timi pointed.
"And how does it concerns what we are here for?" She asked with a lethiferous look.
"Remember, this is a rape case!" Timi said.
"And how does it concerns my name!" She halfscreamed.
"Your name is Bernice, or should i say penis.so i need to investigate the reasons behind the name" Timi said.
Bernice rose up in pure indignation.
"Calm down sister, i know my job!" Timi rose too, standing cautiously as if expecting a blow."remember it is a crime to beat an officer of the law" Timi breathed.
Bernice chuckled and sat still.
"You didn't answer my question?" Timi said.
Silence!!!
Timi breathed.
"Ok, tell me what happened that fateful day" He retrieved his notepad.
Bernice breathed.
"That day was sunday, Dickson had always been a close friend h.........."
"Who is Dickson?" He cut her midway.
"The guy that raped me" Bernice said amidst sob.
Timi began laughing so hard to the utmost shock of Bernice.
"Do you think this is funny?" Bernice gritted her teeth, irritation brewing through her.
"No, I'm sorry! I saw my ancestors i was just laughing and waving at them" Timi chuckled and began another bout of laughter.
Bernice breathed.
"I'm sorry, please continue" Timi urged.
"What do you take me for?" She screamed in disgust.
"A Bernice that was raped by a Dickson, as in if you remove the son from the dick, it w................" he began to laugh again.
Bernice clenched her fist in anger.
"Sorry! the laughter is part of the investigation" Timi sniffed and rubbed his ribcage. "Do you have a bottle water?".
"You're crazy, after laughing like a hyena you are now asking for water. Thirst will kill you here" She spat.
Timi sniffed and remained silent for a while, his facial features immediately transformed into an angry looking man.
"Ok! continue" he said.
"Like i said, Dickson had always been a family friend so he do visit us everytime but that day, i don't know if he was drunk. Non of my family members were around so he visited that day and his attitudes were scary, normally we do flirt but that day he was touching me at the wrong places......"
"So which part of your body is the wrong places?" Timi asked with a straight face.
"Huh?"
"I want to know the exact place you called wrong place because i never remembered God creating a part of the body and calling it a wrong place" he straightened the collar of his shirt.
"God!" She threw her arms in the air. "I mean private part".
"So he touched your private part?" He asked as he jotted something into his notepad.
"Yes!"
"List all the private part in your body" He said.
Bernice gasped.
"Or you specify the one he touched!"
She stared at him, but he kept a straight face.
She sighed.
"He touched my......"
"Your what?"
"My v......"
"V wetin? is V a private part?"
"He touched my vagina"
"Holyghost!" Timi jumped up and sat still.
"You are a disappointment to the Police" she sighed.
Timi chuckled, "you don't know what you just said. I'm a material that the police can boast of I've handled hardcore cases, infact i deserve a grammy" he boasted.
"What did you say was the name of the thing Mr.Dick touched?" He asked.
"I said it".
"Maybe i did not hear well" he held his ear.
"What's wrong with your ear?" She asked in anger.
"It was punctured in the first civil war, since then I've been looking for a vulcanizer to......."
"That's to show the level of aphonia in your encephalon " she nodded.
"English will not help you today, we die here!" Timi chuckled. "So you said he touched your vaginus......."
"Vagina not vaginus" she threw her hands up.
"It's still the same thing" He nodded.
"Not the one i have!"
"Is your own different from other ones?" He asked with a smirk.
Silence!!!
"Vaginus is the past tense of Vagina, since the rape is past, you use vaginus. He touched my vagina is wrong, he touched my vaginus is correct".
She clapped for him.
"I thought my teachers english when i was in school" he said feeling himself.
"You're too thrasonical and your contumelious mendacity is deleterious" She said and shrugged in disgust.
Timi thought for a while.
"Take note of those big grammars you used, you'll explain it to your creator when the time comes" he pointed his index fingers.
"So when he touched you, what did you do?" He asked.
"I kind of reprimanded him".
"In what way?"
"I warned him to stop but he refused".
"That reminds me, what kind of clothes did you wear, because you ladies love walking naked in the name of lingerie" he breathed. "Did you wear a lingerie?".
"Why the question?" She asked, pissed.
"You are answering a police question with your question, this is what made our forefathers in the force to be shooting women in the mouth" he charged.
"I wore a gown".
"Can i see the gown?" He asked.
"It is in my room" she picked up the intercom in the parlour and called a maid to bring the gown.
The gown was brought and given to Timi, he examined the gown and jotted something in his jotter.
"I need a tape" he said.
A tape was brought.
"I need a chalk" he said.
A chalk was brought.
He placed the measuring tape on the gown and measured it.
"What is the size of your breast?" He asked.
"Holy mary" Bernice gasped.
"Is the size of your breast holymary?" He slammed. "I'm trying to make some useful deductions here and you are screaming names of deities".
"I don't know the size of my breast" she replied.
"I need to measure it" he said.
"For what?" She flared.
"I am a graduate of criminology, so i know what I'm doing!" Timi said.
Timi placed the tapes on her breast region and pressed hard on the nipples.
"What do you think you're doing?" She asked.
"I'm trying to measure the degree of the temperature that will warrant Dick or is it Dickson to rape you". He suddenly remembered something.
"When he raped you, did you cum?".
"Huh?"
"Ok, Put on the gown let me see" He said and returned to his seat.
Bernice left the sitting room and returned shortly with the gown on her.
"Federal highway!" Timi folded himself and shivered, he stared agape.
"Why won't he rape you?" He tried to stop the words but couldn't .
Bernice stared at him for a while and nodded in pity.
"Don't pity me, save the pity for ya family and friends and even well wishers. From my prognosis I've been able to decode that you seduced Dick and in the spirit of seduction, he touched your vaginus, and he was filled with the unholy spirit then he began to prophesy so i see no reason why i should arrest him just pray to God that in your next generation, he should give you the body of a stockfish, incase you walk naked no man will look at you not to talk of raping you.
I rest my case" he breathed.
Bernice almost shed tears.
"I'm sorry" Timi breathed and moved close to her. She jumped into his waiting arms and cried like a baby.
He rocked her and said sweet words to her until she slept off. He sighed in suprise, he didn't feel his erection.
No, this couldn't be happening. He confirmed it again and sighed as he stared at the beautiful lady he rocked to sleep.



Timi muttered in satisfaction, could it be love?
Bernice, the only girl that kind of refused his psycological builup. He felt peace, perfect peace devoid of any fleshy thought. He kept the empty mug of tea on the rail in his balcony.
"So what happens to Lydia, two ladies can't wheel this cart" he thought.
"I'm sure! I'm sure!! I'm sure!!!" He punched the wall repeatedly. "This is love i know it" he screamed in vigour.
His ringingtone jolted him off his reverie.
He smiled unconciously when he noticed the caller.
'My assiduity!' He had stored her name. The lady was his dilligence, since he left her, he saw the world in a new path.
He answered the call.
Timi: my assiduity
Bernice: my catankererous being.
Timi: what does it mean? (Smiles)
Bernice: you taught your teachers english huh?
Timi: Na.
Bernice: you should have the copy of an oxford dictionary with you.
Timi: my stepdad has a bookshop.
Bernice: you tend to be extortionate.
Timi: huh?
Bernice: kind of oppresive.
Timi: i don't think i am.
Bernice: you umbraged me with your investigative approach, that was salacious.
Timi breathed.
Bernice: your life is a conundrum, and maybe your authencity is a charlatan, and you seem to be a very obstreperous person.
Timi sighed, he really needed a dictionary.
Timi: let me get a dictionary, the one i have at home is an old edition. I'll call you later.
Bernice: No problem....sweet dreams.
Timi: i love you.
Bernice: you really have a bad prospicience.
Timi: i don't get you.
Bernice: your foresight is bad, you dont know what is love, you are only trying to be tentative.
Timi: i love you and that what matters, i can......
The line went dead.
Timi: hello, hello
Damn!!!


To be continued...............................
Sorry for the late update, most times, i do pick up a pen and....i get blank upstairs. When there inspiration isn't there, i can't kill my self..................
I LOVE YOU ALL

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Miratopaz:
Nothing I no ko see for desire James ntorr Na wan bleep
Op abeg continua

Thanks for your interest.
Stillvi continue....

Glossystar:
I think I can bench well following this thriller.
Too imaginative to be imagined!

Glow up man!

Thanks Boss.

Oly23:
, iyaff die of laughter oo, but author sha Igbo man no fit request dog meat, instead na big fat cow, worse come to worse goat meat would suffice.
wetin James no go see for Mirriam's father's compound

Some part of Ebonyi eats dogs. But sha, na fiction..

19b
Ebonyi State.


Life has so many episodes on script, it all depends on your choice on what to view. Harry leaned his head on the backrest of the minibus. After his return from Uyo the previous day, he couldn't think straight, his friends on the other hand sympathised with him and on the same vein, laughed him to scorn. He had to realise that all that glitters isn't gold and there are some gold that doesn't glitters. His friends had sworn for a revenge, but he had calmed them down. Vera doesn't worth it, he thought of the sacrifice, though they hadn't spent much time together in their relationship but he thought it was for the best. He hustled harder to make sure he built the future he envisioned. He sacrificed every element in his life to ensure Vera graduated, he had nursed plans for the marriage rites. He had, he had, damn!!! Tears cascaded down his cheeks. Vera had used him, maybe he'll be careful with highly sophisticated girls someother time. He thought he had made an impact in her life, but he was wrong. Vera broke up with him just like that, the breakup was his nightmares. He rubbed his swollen lips and chuckled at the thought of doing something terrible to Smart and Vera, but a voice kept whispering 'inner peace look on the bright side, she atleast made an impact'.
'What impact' he mentally reasoned with clenched fist.
'She made you go back to education'
'Did she pay my school fees?'
'She made you take the decision, look on the brighter side education will open your eyes to see a brighter world, you'll see things in different perspective, there are things that are hidden to the eyes of a layman. Harry explore your world, and there will be a reverse decision, a counter reaction, her troubled soul will come to you for solace, inner peace'
Harry gasped, who just spoke to him. His eyes suddenly became blurr and he tried to maintain his sanity but his eyes forced itself close and he slipped into unconsciousness.



Harry ran on a path with a matchete, he was chasing someone.
"Smart is not what you think" Vera screamed in quick breath as she tried to keep pace with Harry.
As they reached a deserted area.Smart paused on tracks and pointed his pistol at Harry.
"You dey Bleep my wife, the lady i married?" Smart snarled.
"She came for help, you really don't know how to care for a woman. You treated her like a slave, look at her face" Harry approached Smart, he flung the matchete.
"Noooooo"
A siren was heard from afar, blood was spilled every where.
"How did he die?" The ambulance drove in a high speed.
"Harry you can't go now" Vera screamed her body was soiled in blood. She............"

"Why you deh sweat like christmas fowl" Okon tapped Harry repeatedly. Harry jerked off his seat.
"Wetin happen? Why you deh commot ya eyeballs like icefish. abi na ghost you see?" Okon jabbed.
Harry rubbed his forehead and sighed. "Una don find the house?" Harry asked.
"Yes, make we go".
Harry and crew arrived at Ebonyi and had been searching for Mirriam's family compound, they had parked their bus somewhere and after minutes of searching and asking the locals, they discovered the house. They all marched majestically towards the building.
"Good day Mama and Papa, brother and Sisters, Uncles and Aunties, nephew and nieces, friends and enemies" Harry greeted.
"That one na greeting?" James whispered to him.
"My inlaws una welcomeoooo" an older version of Mirriam responded and led them to the introduction grounds. They met a man sitted and tapping his legs impatiently.
"Our inlaws are here oooo" Mirriam's mother said and led them to a seat.
James on recognizing the man as Mirriam's father, prostrated to greet but the man paid him no heed.
"That man resemble witch, he fit kill us ooo" Harry reasoned.

"Oga i deh greet ooo" James said.
Silence!!!
"My fada! I deh bow ooo"
Silence!!!
"Fada you must to answer my greetings"
Silence!!!
"Boss i deh hail ooo"
"May Ekwensu strike you and ya hundred generation with leprousy, may you be as red as a cockroach" the man pointed his staff at James. "I was expected my only dear girl that i haff to marry a rich man, but she went and brought cowards, she brought anglican pawpaw. Look at ya native that you wear, a very, very, very old native, i remember in the 70s i always using this wrapper to cover my poultry house!"
"Blood of Jesus" The men gasped.
"I was expectation to see jeep parking in my premises, but they brought bus, that bus that looking like a wheelbarrow, you want to marriage my daughter? Do you have the perequisite?"
James folded his hands in suprise.
"This man don smoke igboh" Okon whispered.
"Igboh na me smoke pass you, iffa curse your generation they will be dying every first tuesday of the month!"
"Holyghost!" Okon jerked.
"Daddy, we are sorry" James knelt.
"Nnayi, take am easy na with our inlaws" the wife pleaded.
"Which inlaws, these ones that look like exconvict".
James jumped.
"They looked like condemned criminals!" The old man fumed.
James, jejely straightened his corporate suit and returned to his seat.
They sat in silence for about fourty minutes before the family members arrived and after the whispering and running round to get things settled, the ceremony kicked started.
"You wan marry our daughter?" The head of the family asked.
James stood up, dusted the shoulder pad of his jacket and nodded.
"How many house, you don build?"
James thought for a while.
"I never build house yet, but i get land" James lied.
Mirriams father jerked off his seat. "You see, agents of poverty has reach my yard today. You don't have house and you want to marry my daughter, my ancestors will judge you. Look at your suit, this suit is what primary school teachers in the 70s always wear. See how you looked like a turkey inside suit" Mirriam father slammed at James.
James was at the verge of tears.
"Make we continue" the family head cleared his throat.
"How many motor you get?"
"Three".
"Na lie!" Mirriam's dad gasped. "You no resemble person wey get motor, your legs resemble leg wey don trek for a longer time since civil war" the man slammed.
James scratched his head in confusion.
"Where you come from?"
"Okon in Akwaibom State".
"Where that side the?"
"North central"
"Before we read the main list, you ko drop ten thousand naira".
James pulled out his wallet and countered the crisp notes inside.
"This boy na yahoo boy! Wey you get that kind money from?" Mirriam's dad screamed.
"If you no take time, i ko slap you" James muttered inaudibly. He dropped the money on the table.
"Abeg make una clap for him, to be a inlaw is not a day job" the family smiled revealing his kolanut stained dentition.
"You don Bleep our daughter before?"
James gasped and turned to stare at his friends momentarily before returning his gaze to the family head.
"If you lie, ghost ko knock you and you ko commot this your cloth, run enter market square".
"I d....on..fu..ck am" James stuttered.
"Drop ten thousand!"
"Jesus!"
"No do make i call ghost for you oooo if i just commot my clothes lie down naked, your family ko deh run mad every first june!" The family head threatened.
James pulled out his wallet, counted the money and dropped it on the table.
"This one don weak me!" James muttered.
"You don put am belle?"
"Huh"
"You deaf? I ask whether you don put our daughter belle?" The family head said. "If you lie, you ko blind". The family head opened a bottle of schnapps hot and poured some content on the ground."Okuku! Ekpete!! If this boy lie now, make shit to deh commot from his body every two seconds, make his urine be like hot water".
James breathed, truly his case was the proverbial one chance case.
"I don put am belle!"
"Ewooooooooooooooh" the whole crowd screamed.
Mirriam's father jumped from his seat and grabbed a matchete but he was held back by some youth.
Harry's crew stood in alarm, fist folded and ready to engage anyone in a combat.
"You never build house, but you don put woman belle?" The family head stared at him critically. "Drop twenty thousand".
James shivered in horror.
"I fit order boys to stone you" Mirriam's father charged. At the tail end of the crowd, Mirriam sat in tears. James counted the money and kept it on the table.
The family head whispered to the secretary of the family. A brown envelope was retrieved.
The secretary cleared his throat.
"What i want to reading at the stipulation moment is the list of marriage for this honourability family.
For the village:
Ten goats, six bottles of hot, fourteen tubers of yam, one basketfull of pepper, thirteen suckers of pineapple, ten bunches of plaintain, two cows, four bags of local rice, onehundred and fifty thousand naira.
For the women:
Thirteen litres of palmoil, twentysix bale of imported holland wrappers, sixty crates of malt, seven cocks, twelve packets of biscuits. Ninety thousand naira cash.
For the youth:
Sixteen packets of cigarette, four bottles of brandy, four bottles of red wine ,four rubbers of palmwine, two giant coolers of prepared dog meat, six FIFA football, thirteen jerseys, sixty thousand naira cash.
For the aged men:
Sixteen pieces of fresh cat fish, fourteen gallons of palmwine, seventeen wraps of kola, thirteen wraps of garden egg, fourteen sticks of dried meat,one hundred and fifty thousand naira.
For the family:
One Gwagon for the family head, one pencil camry for the family secretary, one packet of pen for the secretary, ten dozens of exercise books for the secretary......."
"Wetin you wan write with one packet of pen and ten dozens of books, you wan defend project?" James cried.
"One bottle of whisky, ten crates of beer, twenty packets of benson cigarette...."
"Una deh go smoking competition, wetin you wan carry twenty packets of cigar do?" James cried.
"If you talk again, fire will destroy you" the family head screamed.
"Four coolers of pounded yam, one cooler of oha soup, onehundred thousand naira cash.
Mother of the bride:
four assorted hollandies, six imported jewellries, six pair of shoes, four pair of pant...."
"I no be her boyfriend na, how i ko take sabi the size of her pant?" James screamed.
"Pencil camry 2018 model, one hundred thousand cash.
For the father: six imported george wrappers, chieftaincy regalia, gold staff, lexus jeep 2018 model, six bottles of scotch, four hundred thousand naira cash.
For the brothers:
Four bags of rice, thirtysix tubers of yam, fourteen jars of palmoil, six sticks of dried fish, two hundred thousand naira cash.
After the procurement of the complete items, a one storey building should be built before the end of the year. If the child is born and all these are not completely done, the gods of Okewe will have you for lunch".
James fell to the ground.
"One thing i ask of the lord, let me not meet an Ebonyi girl in my life again" James cried.
"You don commit another offence which is lying down on the ground, drop ten thousand before the gods knock you". The family head screamed.
"Eli, eli lamasabathani" James screamed.
After every single kobo had been extorted from James, the ceremony ended.
James couldn't seat on the chair, he was on the ground crawling, looking like a tortoise on corporate suit.
"James standa, make we commot" Udoh tried dragging him up.
James kept sobbing and writhing on the ground.
"How person ko wear suit come deh throway body for ground like mad man" Harry said.
"Na madman on suit" Okon said.
"Is there any river?" James asked.
"You wan baff?" Peter asked.
"I wan to kill my sef!" James rolled again on the ground. His blue suit had already transformed to a dirty one, his tie was at the back.
"We ko leave you here oooo" Harry threatened.
"James my love“
They all turned and saw Mirriam in tears.
She came closer and held James by the hand.
"We'll overcome" she kissed James.
"Una family wicked!" James gasped. "If i......"
"Shhhhh" Mirriam held him up.
"Love conquers all" Mirriam smiled and rubbed her stomach.
"Where i ko get that kind money?" James lamented.
"We ko robb bank" Peter said.
"You deh mad“ James cursed him.

Mirriam's father emerged with a dane gun.
"If you no commot for my yard, i ko pieces una".
Harry and crew raced out of the man's yard cuz the fear of death is the beginning of wisdom.

To be continued............

Khriztarl:
Nawa o..
whats vera's problem nau..
still watching sha..

Thanks for your interest

Notice!!!
The episode that was flagged by the anti spam bothhas been reposted.