Fans, how's the story flow...

Criticism is welcome....

And please, comment and analyse on the story-plot, there's something i see, i want to know if you all are seeing it too…....

Episode 22

Voice of Reason 3


Mrs. Chinaza rose up from her deep slumber, she cursed inwardly as she felt a sharp pain pierce through her back. The foam she slept on felt like a bag of pins and the room felt like hell.
She carried her grandson who had been crying and kicking for the past minutes.

"Ebube!" She called as she rocked her son.

"Mirriam...!" She screamed but heard no reply.

The door opened and James moved in.

"Good morning mama, how was your night?" James greeted.

"Where your wife?" She ignored his greetings.

"She left to get something.."

"Where you been sleep last night or you no deh follow ya wife sleep for bed?".

James sighed tiredly, this woman and her endless rants.

"I figured out that there won't be a space for us...tharis why i slept with a fr...!"

"Call ya wife, make she come give this baby breast.." She ordered.

James just nodded and left the room.

Minutes later, Mirriam entered the room.
"Good morning mama!" She greeted and fetched the baby.

"Morning yaself! Ebube deh hungry.." Mrs. Chinaza said. "Ehmm you don buy baby food?"

"Not yet!" Mirriam retrieved her right boobs and inserted the nipple into the baby's mouth.

Mrs. Chinaza sat on a stool and watched keenly. "This pampars na since yesterday?"

"Yes..."

Mrs. Chinaza got up."why you no change am na...wetin deh do una?"

"There's no money to get another one!" Mirriam replied.

Mrs. Chinaza yawned."Wetin deh for breakfast!"

"Ehmmm...egusi!"

"Egu wetin?"

"Yesterday egusi is still in the pot!"

"Na that kind soup you wan make i chop...only crayfish and onions full that soup and the soup don black finish! No wonder my grand pikin no wan fresh..ya breast milk don spoil!"

"Habah! Mummy...take it easy"

"Take what...if to say i no carry extra money come, how i for take survive?"

Mirriam was downcast.

Mrs. Chinaza exited the room and slammed the door, she went in search of James.

She spotted Peter."Where your friend?"

"Ohh! Madam..how are you?" He bowed slightly.

"Who be ya madam?"

"You na...you no be madam?"

"Na wetin i ask you be that?"

"Ahh! Which friend sef?" He was confused.

"How many you get?" She fired.

"Ohhh! You for specify na...you mean your son-inlaw"

“Which kin son-inlaw be that...the boy is not worthy of the name!"

"Ahh! Madam, me i be person weh no deh fear...iffa see how something bad, i deh speak am out. You see that thing weh you do James...eh no pure!"

"I no deh sell pure water oo!" Mrs.Chinaza yelled.

"You too deh insult James..you deh treat am like small pikin! Just imagine...James no fit sleep for him house because.."

"You are a stockfish! You are a keresone!" She was loosing it. "Look at you....you resemble person weh escape from prison.."

"Insult me how you like, i don talk my own!" Peter made to leave but She held him.

"Wetin you talk? I resemble ya mama mate? Calvary will punish you...you will die for your enemies...useless foolish man!"

"Madam free me na...i no wan get wahala with you!"

"Bascart! You are a confirm bascart!! No be your type i deh get wahala with. Iffa get wahala with you, you ko run leave this town!" She tightened the grip of her wrapper.

"Madam.."

"Iffu call me madam, i ko jump enter your eye!" She stood on her toes and pointed her fingers at his eyes.

They spotted the Landlord approaching.

"Landlord, do make this mama free me!" Peter said.

"Mama mirriam, abeg wetin happen?" The landlord asked.

"Warn am ooo! Warn this cockroach ooo!!! If i wan kill am, eh no ko take me two seconds!" She left him and shoved him with force but he staggered and quickly regained balance.

She continued her search for James.

"Ah swear iffu see my pikin, him fresh die!" That was James in a palm wine joint, the joint was located at the extreme end of their street.
He was in the company of his friends drinking palmwine with groundnuts.

"Harry, you see that my baby?"

Harry nodded.

"Na president...infact na billionare!" James screamed.

"How you take sabi?" Harry asked.

"Why i no ko sabi? The boy deh always cry like say he deh sing nashional item!"

"Which one be nashional item?" Udoh asked.

"That song na..where colonial masters deh sing..!" James added.

"Na national anthem no be nashional item!" Okon corrected.

"My friend shurrup your cylinder mouth, you weh deh correct me, you fit sing am" James flared.

"Look at these incomplete salvation ooo!" Okon got up.

"Oya sing am na!" Harry jerked his head.

"I no ko sing, common anthem, na primary school stuff!" Okon waved.

"Okon sing am...collect 3k now!" Harry said.

"I no ko sing!" Okon said and made to stand.

Udoh not wanting the money to pass by got up. "Harry, drop the money for table! I ko sing am".

Harry smiled, brought out his wallet and counted the crisp naira notes. He dropped the money on the table.

Udoh smiled, shifted his chair and made a straight and serious face.

"Parade! Parade!! Parade the general!!!" He raised his left leg up.
"Fire the official gang squad!!!" He forgot his left leg was high, he raised his right leg and as a result, he fell to the ground.
"Old soldier never die!!!" He staggered and got up.

His friends knew he was high, Udoh never had a strong head for alcohol.

"Squad! Fall back to the general!!! Step on ground! One step forward!! Fire the bomb!!!" He jumped up, fell flat, stood up and grabbed a bottle and held it like a gun.

By this time, the whole bar was watching.

"Fall flat to the ground! Attention, stand at ease!! Follow the General!!!" Udoh screamed and marched round the bar.

"Our guy don mad ooo!" Harry and his friends got up in alarm.

Udoh marched straight to the front of the bar where he'll be seen by everyone. He reduced the volume of the sound system and screamed.
"Fellow citizens of our dear national country. It gives me joy as a singular person to administration patriotism in the country...i love this country so well that i cannot die for it.
If Satan is the father of corruption, then who is the mother?
Eve ate the apple and we are suffering.
Now listen to the national anthem.
Who is the Dj here?
Kindly give me a nice beatings. Iffa die for my country, call me nationalist.
If my country die for me, call me terrorist.
If me, i, myself and my country die together, call me spritualist!" Udoh closed his eyes.

"Harry, you see wetin you cause? No be you send am to sing anthem?" James said amidst laughter.

"♪Arice oh convention....
Nigeria call obem..
To serve their father land..
Weed love and sperm and FEM..
The rebour of our zero spam
Shall ever be in game...
To serve with rough and mighty
One nation bow in freebum..
Piss and unity...♪„

The whole bar was thrown into a frenzy mode as they screamed and laughed their ribs out.

Udoh bowed and suddenly screamed. "Buhari wait for me, i am a patriot!" He exited the bar, and ran straight into the high way.

BOOM!!!

A crash was heard, Udoh was seen spinning in the air and he landed in the gutter with his blood all over the highway.
The motorist sped away.

°•°•°•°•

"Uncle!" Timi called out, he was sitted in Uncle Bolaji's sitting room.

"My boy..." Bolaji sniffed in a pipe of tobacco.

"Yes uncle..." Timi tried to arrange the words in his mind.

"Timi, i feel this world will be destroyed by a woman!" Bolaji said thoughtfully.

"What makes you think so?" Timi asked.

"You won't be able to reason with me on this level...i have some green bottles in my freezer!"

"No..thanks. i didn't come here to drink..!" Timi said.

"Hahahaha! Have you noticed something?" Bolaji faced the ceiling.

"What is it sir?"

"Colin Morgan used barely a sentence to command a storm.."

"Who's colin morgan?"

"Merlin..."

"Ohhh! I haven't seen the movie!" Timi said.

Bolaji smiled. "If you grow up, what do you want to be in future?"

Timi smiled. One of the most complex thing in the world is to discuss with a drunk or someone who is high on something.

"Uncle, i came to discuss something with you!"

"Is it words of wisdom?" Bolaji asked.

"Kind of..."

"If you don't know what you came to my apartment for, I'll advise you to leave and never return...never return or you die..hahahahaha! Nollywood witches do laugh like that!"

"Uncle, it seems you are not in the right mood to have a conversation!" Timi got up and made to leave.

"Timi, come back here! If you leave this room, it will never be well with you!"

"Uncle, don't curse me...ok, i am in a fix!"

"Hahahaha! You are so hilarious. You're in a fix, common get a mechanic to fix you out. Hahaha. God said love your neighbours as you love yourself...ask God if i can love my neighbour's wife as i love my self! Hahaha!"

Timi scratched his head in frustration.

"I know that look on your face, your father normally had that look when he screwed somebody's wife to pregnancy...you are really your father but the only thing is you are a little bit more stupid than him!"

"Uncle I'm leaving...have a nice day!" He got up and made for the door.
Bolaji quickly took off his slippers and threw it at Timi.

"Ahhh" Timi winced in pains as the hard slippers hit him hard.
"Sit down!" Bolaji barked. "I comnand you to sit down in Jehovah name!"

"Uncle, you are intoxicated, we'll talk later!" Timi rubbed the spot the slippers hit. He had a small cut there.

"Can i tell you a secret? Motivation is what pushed the disciples around the globe. Do you know what motivated them? Smoke...that was their motivation. When i was in the church ministry, i noticed that i prophesied better when i took my pipe. You know why? The spirit is the foundation but it needs motivation. That's why God created and government banned it!"

"What are you saying sef!" Timi watched him in disgust.

"What is your problem, have you come to tell me the date for the traditional family introduction with Lydia? Ohh that girl is a good wife material but you are a bad tailor!"

Timi thought for a while. "I have someone i intend to marry!"

"Yes..go on, expose your stupidity to me, suprise me!"

"Her name is Bernice and she's pregnant for me!"

Bolaji's face turned red in anger.

"I'm sorry, i can't marry Lydia...but I'll claim full responsibility of the triplets and..."

Bolaji threw a remote to his face, he grabbed a vase and threw it but Timi was quick to dodge.

"Uncle what is happening?" Timi asked in alarm.

"Where's my gun...upon my advice, you still went and got another lady pregnant..." He rushed to his room and fetched a machete.

Timi knew his uncle was totally mad, there was nothing he could do rather than to run for his life. His uncle was a beast.

Bolaji emerged with a machete in one hand and a table fan in the other.
"Timi, choose which weapon you want..let me kill you with it!"

Timi raced towards the door and tried to open it but it was locked. He struggled with the key but couldn't unlock as his hands were shaking seriously.
For the very first time in his lifetime, he was prepared to fight the fearful Uncle Bolaji.


Tbc....

Adeola25:
Udoh no get sense at all, just to impress a woman, he is busy spending money anyhow. Nah so James or what's his name do before he impregnated Miriam. Later dem go say women too like money. Lol. Thanks for the update Mr John, more grease to your elbow. Expecting weekend bonus.

Your comments is tha bomb...
as for weekend bonus, .
Comments will determine...

contd....


Udoh moved round an uncompleted bungalow as he inspected it.
He had earlier submitted a quotation to the engineers who headed the building construction.
And fortunately, he had been awarded the contract to handle the electrical installation of the house.
He was in the process of tracing some point when his eyes spotted Philomena. His Philomena!
He momentarily forgot his worries and traced her movement. Her graceful walking steps enticed him, her hips swayed left to right and Udoh couldn't hold it as his junior brother stood attention. He had to stylishly cover it with his two legs joint together.
To his utmost suprise, she lived opposite the duplex.

Some minutes later, She emerged with a pail and Udoh quickly jumped into the building to hide.
He spent over thirty minutes admiring her bums as she bent down doing the.laundry .

"Go and rubb that buttocks!" A spirit whispered in his brain.

"Noo!" He shook his head to wad off the thought.

Funny still, he couldn't even think straight.

"You won't find peace in life untill you rubb that buttocks!" The voice spoke again.

Rubbing her buttocks in the open was a bad idea.
He was still in deep thought and never noticed when the site engineer walked into the building.

"Oga electrician!" The Engineer hailed.

Udoh jerked in shock and turned. "Ahh! Oga, rubb that buttocks!" He said without thinking or maybe Philomena's bums robbed him off his common sense.

"Which buttocks?" The site engineer asked.

"Ehhmmm..." He smiled at the height of his geniune foolishness. "Oga, i just deh speak in parables!"
Parables in deed, Buttocks parables.

"Please, i don't want any disappointment, the keke rider will be here in an hour time with the necessary electrical part...I'll be leaving..do your work well" The man turned to leave.

A brilliant idea popped up in his head. "Oga give me 4k"

The Engineer froze in his tracks and turned round. "Four thousand for what? Haven't i paid you half of your money?"

"Noo..na for miscellanus!" Udoh kept on pleading.

The Engineer being a cheerful giver had to part with the four thousand.

"Oga...you don balance my equation, God ko embarass you with blessings..he will stone you with favour..he will kill you with riches!" What a brutal blessing.

"No take style curse me.." The Engineer cajoled and after some playful banters he left.

Udoh quickly boarded a bike to the nearest tool shops and bought a complete safety overall, a gloves, helment, safety boots(company standard) and a tool kit.
All in all, he spent fifty thousand to procure those items as the items were of high standard.
He entered a nearby rest room and changed into his wears and bagged the initial wears.
He was now looking like a complete foreign Engineer who worked in a multinational agency. And he walked on the street with pride.
He boarded a VIP taxi to the site and ordered the cabman to honk very loud.

"Why do you want me to horn?" The cab man asked.

"I'll pay you for it..my friend horn very loud.."

"Your money is two thousand!" The cab man inflated the price.

"No problem..!"

"PPPPPPP" The cab man honked so loud while Udoh was on timing.
The moment Philomena looked towards the cab. He moved out, making sure she saw him.

He pulled out his wallet and paid the cab man his money..a journey of just hundred naira but because of attention he paid two thousand.

Philomena watched intently as she tried to identify the man on overall.

Udoh put on his helment, held his tool kit and marched proudly to the site.

He moved past Philomena and pretended like he didn't see her.
Right at that spot, he pulled out his phone and made a fake call.

"Yea...Mr. Bush, what about the jet?
I was there, i personally flew the jet myself....what are you telling me?
I tested....listen Mr. Bush...i can order Buhari to terminate your appointment...what are you telling me? My boys tested that jet...i personally flew it myself.
I can't come to the hanger now.....ok, use the bombardier jet......
I couldn't make it to Australia today, i have an electrical installation to do in a.client's...building....ok....inform the other engineer from Russia....ok...Mr.Bush...I'll take to his exellency later...i don't want to show myself...you know...kidnappers are rampant...ok...Mr. Bush...my regards to your family...if I'm chanced....I'll attend your daughter's matric.ceremony.....abi it will be holding at Havard...where?...in Japan...ok!"

He exited the call.

Philomena was in awe.

The Bricklayers who were working on the threshold of the duplex, on seeing Udoh in his regalia, greeted him in reverence.

"My boys..." Udoh greeted.

"Boss man! We are loyal oooo!" The men responded.

Udoh retrieved his wallet and handed some naira notes to the men. Making sure Philomena saw the gesture.

He was feeling himself, but inwardly he was sure that his stupidity deserved a grammy.
He had just wasted sixty thousand just to impress a woman.
He just hoped and prayed that heaven will pardon him for his foolishness and express stupidity.
He just had twenty thousand naira left as his workmanship.

Tbc....

I'll be posting the last update for this week in few minutes....

But if you guys want food for the weekend, just burst my head with thousands and hundred of comments and I'll bash this weekend with updates back to back...

Once again, Happy Independence....
Happy new month...
Happy weekend!!!

Heaven bless you merry....


To my fans,(excluding ghost readers) May God favour you and bless you merry..you guys are the source of my motivation ...

Episode 21

Voice of Reason


Vera stood on a cliff, she surveyed the environment closely. The storm kept raging in high torrent.
From nowhere, a thatched house materialised. Inorder to escape the raging storm, she sprinted towards the house. She stopped at the door post and scrutinised the walls before stepping in.
The storm kept brewing, dismantling objects and spinning dust.
She heard a slight movement and froze in shock as she spotted Taiwo.
He smiled.

"Taiwo, why don't you leave me alone?"

"I'm not holding you or am i?" He unveiled the turban off his head and placed it on a cold slab.

"Where's this place?" She asked genuinely confused.

"The realms of the spirit. Your soul journeyed here!!"

"Why?"

"For a reason...i paid the price!" He moved closer to her and held her garments.

"Am i dead?" She looked petrified.

"Noo..you have limited time, so we have to utilise it!" His voice was hoarse.

Vera watched in horror and confusion as he ripped her gown off.

"Sorry for the garment, i can't just take it slow.." He licked his lips in lust as he grabbed her right boobs and began sucking.

"Asssh...what are you doing to me?" She said amidst sharp breath.

"Shhh...enjoy!" He sucked the boobs ferociously while She moaned shamelessly but deep down, she knew something wasn't right.

Taiwo knelt down and traced her clitoris using his thumb. He stimulated it and stucked three fingers in. Sucking and fingering.
She cried in ectasy as she struggled to maintain balance.
She threw away every caution and self security as she moaned, groaned, sobbed and cried in delight. Shedding tears of joy and ectasy.

He dragged her over the table and made her lean partly on it as he penertrated her from behind.
He rode her like a horse, emmiting powerful strokes which caused her to whimper, shiver and pinch herself mercillesly.

-

"Breakfast on bed.." Smart dragged a table closer to the bed and placed a cup of ice cream with a slice of cake.
He noticed Vera's unnatural sleep-movement on the bed and inaubible sounds. He moved closer and tapped her.

"Having nightmares, its dawn!" He shook her.
And she jerked, sweating and breathing hard.

"Goodmorning sweetheart!" Smart planted a kiss on her fore head.

She just stared on in suprise. Her hand involuntarily went under her pant as she felt her vag!na.

"What's up honey? Breakfast is ready!"

She felt drained and empty. and the element of suprise before her made her more confused.
Her regular Smart won't serve her breakfast..not even on bed and acting all romantic.
Sex in the dream with her ex and a over-night-transformed -husband was kind of weird. Moreover, who serves chilled ice cream as breakfast on a harmattan morning.
Something was definitely wrong somewhere.

"V?"

"Oh! Sorry..i ...was carried away!" She got up from the bed almost spilling over her breakfast.

"Easy there..didn't you sleep last night?" Smart asked as he shifted the table farther.

"I slept!"

"But you look tired...anyways sorry for the other day. I wasn't supposed to react the way i did!"

Vera ignored him and moved into the ensuite bathroom.
She brushed her mouth and washed her face.

"Today is independence day right?" He threw a jamb question as she stepped out of the bathroom.

"Yea and what about it?" Vera sat on the bed and attacked the cakes.

"I need us to spend quality time together. How's the cake?" He asked.

The cake was nothing to write home about. No taste but Vera was willing to make the day better so she nodded. "Nice!"

"I still got it in me! My Aunt was a professional baker..together we baked everything bake-able ranging from meatpies, cake, plantain.."

"Plantain?" She raised an eye.

"Y..es" He stuttered. "I baked plantain, it is very nice.."

"I know..."

"So..i decided to ehmm...bake this cake to celebrate Nigeria and this union!" He got up. "He who finds a wife finds a good woman. 1st Habbakuk verse 34..you have been a woman that sometimes i...i think i don't deserve you. You know my secrets but you still stick with me. You love me..such a terrible love. 1st paranthesis 3 vs 2 says For God so loved the world that he sentence his son to die for mankind and human kind.."

"Paranthesis? In which bible.."

"You supposed to be crying as I'm making this speech..you supposed to be emotional. Whether i quote swahili or barbeque, it is not your problem. That's why John the Fisherman said: woe unto you pharisees and israelites who look but cannot see for the wordings are different.."

"Good God!" She stares at her husband in disbelief. Someone that never owned a bible.

"Won't you finish your cake?"

"I'm fine! Thanks!" She couldn't even take more than six bites.

"I know that cake is not sweet!"

She shrugged. "Thank God you know.."

"I purposely prepared it like communion. If you've tasted communion, you'll agree with me that it is not sweet. You eat it in pains. That's why Jehovah or is it Jesus?
That's why Jehovah shared the communion before he died on the cross, you know why he did it?"

Vera was getting more confused. Why the change? Smart the devil was now preaching some kind of senseless, wrong and dilapidated gospel to her.
The feeling in her guts was confirmed.

"When i look around, when i watch the tv. I see couples living like family. I see couples in love but we have been living like wrestlers. I have used your body to practise karate..i have not been a loving husband and i was stupid, very, very stupid". He sniffed. "Vera please cry, i want both of us to cry and ask the God of marriage for a second chance!"

Vera just nodded in pity. She sniff the air if she would perceive the whiff scent of alcohol but she couldn't perceive. That means her husband wasn't drunk. Maybe God has touched his heart.

"Vera what sacrifice will the God of marriage require from us. Is it cow leg, is it a calabash of palm wine..let's lift our voice to the king and president of Israel!"

"There's nothing like God of marriage!" Vera corrected.

"Don't tell me what i know! ....Vera I'll be a loving husband.." He held her hands and kissed it.
Vera felt somewhat shy as the marital feeling rekindled.

"You really need to start going to church...You know i always love you!" She smiled.

"Yes i knew you loved me, but I've always been a total disapointment and a branded fool from the clan of stupidity..Vera my queen, forgive me!" He said.

"I forgive you.." and they shared a kiss..a powerful kiss.

"Your ice cream is getting warm.." He pointed.

"I'll take tea or juice instead!" She held him close and ate his lips.

They struggled with each other clothes..in the space of seconds, their clothes were off.

"At first, i always fvuck you, but now i want to make love..." Smart said and pushed her to the bed.
He climbed her and hungrily ate her boobs.
He tried to move downwards but found his body heavy.
Weird right?
He made another attempt but it was furtile.

"Are you okay?" She asked on sensing his withdrawed mood.

"Something is on my back..." He said in horror as the hairs on his nape stood still.

Thinking it was a prank, She pushed him off and sat on him, rocking her backside on his groin.

"My chest! My chest!! My chest!!!" He screamed in horror and pushed Vera off.
Vera landed on her back on the floor.

"My chest is chill, I'm freezing!" He kept screaming.

Vera winced in pains as she tried to stand.

"God of Judas, Moses of Horeb, Mount sinai! Mary holy mother!" He kept clutching his chest and screaming.

"Noo!" She perceived a particular scent. "Taiwo nooo!"

Smart relaxed as he felt warmth return, he was extremely terrified.

"Are you okay?" Vera rushed to him.

"Who is Taiwo?" He asked with a deadpan look across his face. "Who the hell is Taiwo?"

I'm having difficulty in posting, i don't know why...

Happy independence!!!
We can make Nigeria great again...
One love...
More episodes loading

Adeola25:
Timi's uncle is something else, he is such a funny man. Thanks for the update
.

Thanks too...one love

Gbpereluvmama:
Thanks john for this wonderful piece of write up, more oil on your head for greatness, nil stress upon your life so u can keep us entertained. May God bless u. waiting for more updates to make my independence

Thanks bro...

mhizv:
Lol every character has their own issh
Thanks Noble

One love maam...happy independence..

Episode 20

Voice of Reason

Mr. Bolaji, a tall and dark figure with an imposing aura roamed round the hospital ward where Timi laid.
He is Timi's maternal uncle.
His face was wrinkled, with a huge scar on his forehead. He looked aged but possesed the strength and agility of a youth.

Timi stirred awake and with pains, he sat erect. He had a bandage round his face and back. He was a sorry sight to behold.
"Uncle..."

"Timi my boy, a woman did this to you?" Bolaji took a seat directly opposite where Timi laid.

"That woman is a witch!"

"You are a big idiot...just look at how you look like?"

"Uncle, believe i personally didn't want to deal with her.."

"But she dealt with you, if i wasn't around...she would've killed you!"

Timi just nodded, his uncle had a degree in mouth-lashing.

Bolaji retrieved his phone and dialled a number..."Hello, yes...he's awake..ok...you can come!"

"Who is that?" Timi asked.

"You're very stupid to ask me such question.."

Some minutes later, Lydia moved into the ward.

"My daughter..." Bolaji said.

She prostrated. "Good day sir..."

On hearing the voice, Timi raised his head and screamed. "I don't want her in here...let her leave!"

"You're very stupid...i call the shots here!" Bolaji barked.

Timi got up. "Very well, I'm leaving..."

"If you dare leave this place, I'll truncate your destiny, if you make one move, I'll kill you and sponsor your burial..you know i can do it. You are still my boy..and I'm your God...now sit.."

Timi sat reluctantly, Bolaji was a terror.

"My daughter, what is that your name again?"

"Lydia"

"Lizard?"

"Noo sir, Lydia.."

"Ohhh pardon me.." He laughed. "I'm not used to all these animal like names".

Lydia sat and buried her face on the ground as she couldn't face Timi.

"I already introduced myself to you huh?"

"Yes sir!" She nodded.

"Ok...and you did this to him?"

"Sir, it was unintentional..."

Timi got up. "If you dare lie..i.."

"Timi, if you talk when you're not supposed to talk, I'll order the hospital to burn you down..you know me, you know what I'm capable of...I'll kill you and no one will do anything!" He faced Lydia. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"Sir, Timi is a bastard..." She sobbed.

"Yes, i agree on that..he's a bastard..did he tell you about his father? The man disowned him and even wanted to castrate him..if not for me" He beat his chest as he spoke. "I am the one that changed his life and made him who he is..."

Timi stared at him in anger, though his uncle wasn't far from the truth..but the way he spoke about it in front of Lydia made him angry.

"We got into a relationship, some times ago and I'm pregnant.."

Bolaji got up. "You mean you're pregnant..for who?"

"Timi!"

"Blessed be the Lord God of Jamaica!" Bolaji gasped.

Lydia continued. "And since i told him about the pregnancy, he has been giving me attitude..firstly, he denied the paternity of the kids.."

"Wait.." He hushed. "You said he denied the paternity of the kids?"

"Yes.."

He faced Timi. "Why did you do it?"
Timi kept silent.

"You see, i would've left you for your father to kill...you are very, very foolish infact you are a cankerworm. Just look at you, you're smelling like a ghost..you're polluted".

He faced Lydia. "That's how his father was? His father was a bigtime idiot..."
"Countless times, I've told him that the babies belong to him...i have never cheated on him..." Her voice broke into sobs.

"Timi, you're just like your father, your father disowned and you want to also disown your children? just look at the way you look like a maggot? So you want to be like your father abi?...because you are fatherless, you also want your children to be fatherless?"

"Uncle...to be sincere, i don't like this!" Timi spoke out.

Bolaji stood up. "You don't like what? You got this beautiful lady pregnant and you're talking thrash...you are just as confused as your father"

"Uncle, please before you start screaming at me..hear me out".

"What do you want me to hear, he goat!"

"I can't marry this lady..."

"Why?" Bolaji and Lydia asked in unison.

"I'm not even the father of the kids, she claims i am!"

"Then, who is the father?" Lydia got up and clenched her fist.

When Timi saw her moves, he flinched in fear as the previous scene dawned on him...Lydia was a rock.

Bolaji ordered Lydia to sit.
"How many times have you slept with her?"

Timi thought for a while. "I've lost count!"

"How many times did you use a condom?"

"Huh?"

"Are you deaf? How many times did you bleep her with a condom?"

"Ehhm...only thirteen times!"

"Is a lie.." Lydia sprang up.

"My daughter, he is a rat...don't bother him, stupid people are very easy to kill. If you attack him in any slightest provocation..you'll end up killing him. Just learn to leave with him..you see, he looks like a ghost..don't kill him!"

Timi just nodded his head.

"Your father was a womanizer..."

Timi raised his hands up. "I've heard the story before..."

"Will you close ya mgbati-mgbati mouth! Your father was so a womanizer that even when he see a mad woman he will have erection..i advised him as a friend, he refused. I advised him as a colleague, he refused. I advised him as a soldier, he refused. He bleeped anything that has a vagina. Both cripple, deaf, dumb...He even dated one epileptic mad woman...but you know the problem i had with your father...he never used condom..I advised him against diseases...but he refused..he raped more than a thousand mad women..girls inclusive! On his birthday, i even gifted him a carton of condom but he refused. That's why i told my sister to pack out of his house before he infects her...when this foolish Timi was born, at birth he had dreadlocks, he had the resemblance of one mad woman i knew in the street. I adviced my sister to throw him into river niger...but later i changed my mind and advised my sister to keep him..i thought that he'll be sensible but i never knew that the madwoman trait is still in him..."

Lydia's mouth hung open..

"Ask him here, iffu think I'm joking. His father even disowned him...we had to do a DNA test..and when the result was positive, his father now accused me that i bribed the doctor..and even in the presence of the result, he swore that Timi is not the product of his sperm..maybe he was the product of his urine cuz my sister confided in me that most times, the husband do urinate inside her instead of sperm.."

Timi shook his head. "Uncle stop it!"

"Shuttup! I say shuttup!!" He held Lydia's hand. "I want you to marry him, you see, the guy needs a strong hand and you're the only capable person that can handle him...I've handled him right from birth and as at now I'm aging..and i know he's praying for me to die...so i need you to deal with him very well!"
Lydia smiled. "Okay Uncle.."

"Timi, my boy...God and man has marked this day as the day I've blessed your marriage!"

"I won't marry her, you can't decide..!"

"You are truly a bastard...i can't decide what? Are you questioning my judgement skill? Do you know how many years i spent in law school? Is it because I'm not wearing my wig? If you don't marry this lady, I'll castrate you myself..you're a donkey!"

"Say what you like?" Timi screamed.

"Ohhh...you just called me a talkative, are you mad? Infact you're a mad...you are a product of your father's urine..nansense!"

Timi made to open his mouth.

"If you say pim...i mean pim, you'll not live to complete the sentence, you know me now..if not for me, you would have been in the cemetry..i fend for you, i paid your fees right from nursery down to the police academy..i gave you life when your father gave you death..i am your God, when you see me..you're supposed to pray!"

"Uncle is okay!" Lydia stared at Timi in pity.

"Uncle, keep on rubbing it on my face.."

"Will you shattap! Rubbish and ingredients..So?" He faced Lydia. "What is the child's sex?"

Lydia looked at her finger shyly. "Is not a child but children.."

Bolaji jumped up. "Twins?"

"No...triplets" Lydia replied.

"Ohh! I am finished...you mean that you're carrying three children...Timi you see your life? You wanted to throw away three children? Do you think it is easy for a pretty lady to carry three yams in her womb? Timi you're punishment in heaven is the waiting for you.."
"My daughter, anything you need...tell me, money ooo i have it, i have over sixty plots of land..those lands i what i used to train that fowl sitted on the bed...infact drop your account number ok?"

"Thanks uncle!" Lydia got up.."uncle I'll take my leave".

"What of your medication, are you through with it?" Bolaji asked.

"Yea, the Doc prescribed some pain relievers!"

"Ok..go well and please be careful of Timi, if you see him close to you..run or kill him..because i can see through his eyes and i know he'll kill you or beat you till you miscarry the pregnancy!"

"He can't try it..God will protect me!"

"Don't eat from him ooo, so that he won't poison you..he is as heartless and senseless and useless as his father..it is only Bleep he knows..and when you guys fight again..please don't break his nose..i broke his father's nose thirty years ago..and i don't want history to repeat itself...you can break other part..."

"Thank you for the advice...Timi love, stay safe!" She blew a kiss at Timi and exited the ward.

"The unpredictable Lydia! She has now formed an alliance with you huh?" He faced his uncle. But the latter was deep in relaxation, sniffing tobacco from a pipe.

tbc...

Kentuforchrist:
damn......never expected this but guy aswear u are the best...next update bro my blood dea hot

Guy..your comment deh always blow my mind...thanks for being there...

Most ghost readers fails to understand that their comments motivates the writer ..

Episode 19

Vibration 2

Philomena packed her belongings into her back, the class had ended that evening and from the weather assesment, a storm was brewing.

Udoh straightened his shirt, rubbed some quantity of chalk dust on his face.
"Harry, how does i look?" Udoh asked.

Harry chuckled. "I no know ooo"

Udoh retrieved a satchet of de rock and emptied the content into his mouth. He squeezed his face as the content burned down his throat.
He then made the sign of the cross and marched towards Philomena.

"Hello, Mrs. Vibration...i am feeling it!"

Philomena froze in her tracks and turned towards Udoh.
"Are you mad? Is my name Vibrator?"

"Noo, the thing is...your backyard shakes everytime you take a step!" He smiled and brought his hands forward. "I'm Udoh, i attend the same church with you!"

"You are a bastard!"

"Jesu!" He gasped. "Wetin i do?"

"You are a poverty stricken bastard! You are the person who defiled me in church huh?"

Her screams attracted most people.

"If you ever come closer to me, I'll kill you!" She made to leave but Udoh held her hand.

"Vibration, please don't insult me like that and go...i have never defined you in the church...what kind of defination are you talking about?" He was truly lost.

"You are a true definition of a first class dunce...you see that rubbish you did to me in church, you'll pay for it".

"What did i do?" He was still confused.

"You had the gut to romance me in the church...you no fear God"

"Ooooh! That service? I was under anionting na"

"Soo, anionting made you squeeze my breast, anionting made you rubb my pant abi?" She held the collar of his shirt.

"What are you accusing me of? Was i myself? I was being controlled by a force of attraction!"

Philomena looked at him in anger. "If you ever come closer to me...i will kill you." She left him.

"If murder is a crime, I'm ready to be your victim!" Udoh screamed after her.

"If you don disgrace your self and family finish, do make we commot!" Harry said.

°•°•°•°•
Crime reports littered the dinning table as Inspector Timi skimmed through them, jotting down some points into a notepad application on his device.
He almost jumped off his skin as the door was opened with force.
He sighed tiredly as he spotted Lydia standing by the door.

"When last did you ask the price of rambo insecticides? My friend will you close that door now!" He ordered.

Lydia stared at him in contempt and reluctantly shut the door.

"And let me remind you, knock before..."

"Shurrup you irresponsible zebra!" Lydia screamed.

"I wonder why you are not in the asylum...truly many are mad but few are roaming!" He sat down and continued what he was doing.

"Timi, you are mean! You can't even call and ask of me and the babies..."

SILENCE

"You're heartless, is this how you'll treat me when we get married?"

"You're a fool to reason such statement!" Timi spat out.

"What have i done to you, is it my fault that i got pregnant?"

"No, it is my fault!" Timi replied.

"When are you coming to see my parents?"

Timi gave a brief laugh. "You really think that pregnancy is a ticket to marriage?"

Lydia flung her back and got up. "I asked you a question..."

"Humility, Humility" He got up and moved towards Lydia. "Sit down, be humble!"

"Humble? So that you can treat me like thrash!"

"I don't rear mad people in here...speak to me like a sensible somebody"

"You are the one that is mad!"

"Here she goes again..."

"Timi, my kids will never be fatherless...and i will never be a baby mama...stick that into your skull.."

"You lie...don't let the words of John the Baptist get into your head...the kingdom of Timi suffereth not violence and the violent can never take it by force.."

Lydia in fury dished out her hand but Timi grabbed it midair.

"Don't let me go against my principles..."

"Timi..you're a beast, you got me pregnant and you want to abandon me..." She screamed loud. "It will never be well with your family..you wretched womanizer"

"I'll need to place you on arrest or maybe get a restraining order from the court..."

"You want to arrest the mother of your children..."
Without warning, She pounced on Timi biting and tearing his clothes with her nails.

"God please forgive me cuz I'm gonna beat this witch like mad..."
He grabbed her hair and hands and with the speed of light flung her on the ground...Lydia screamed in pains and got up.
She clenched her fist and rushed towards him.
He made to grab her hair but Lydia grabbed his wrist and twisted.
Timi groaned in anger, he was suprised at her strength.

"You'll end up in the hospital...this i swear!" He threw a punch with his free hand but Lydia ducked below and sent a knee to his groin.
Like the female WWE wrestler Shalotte, she gave him a sharp uppercut and a 360 degree kick to his forehead. Timi fell to the ground with a mighty thud crashing the table to pieces.
He looked at Lydia in shock and tried to standup but couldn't .
Lydia hair covered her face giving her the complete look of a female devil.
She tore her clothes off her skin leaving only a bra top on.

"I dedicated my life watching wrestling and fantasy movies..i trained with the sword...but for the past years i buried that skills but you have resurrected it in me..." She wiped her bloody nose.

"You are a witch...and I'll treat you like one!" He pressed two palms on the ground and made a flip, he planted his two feet on her stomach and She cried loud in pains as her back landed on the ground.
Timi grabbed her by the head and slammed her side on a pillar, his eyes was blood shot.
He grabbed Lydia again but she wriggled free from his grip and fell to the ground clutching her stomach.
He bent again to grab her and his nose met her knee.
He recoiled back in sharp pains as he screamed the building down.

Neighbours began banging the door.

He screamed in rage and rushed towards Lydia but was stopped by a sharp kick to his groin, an uppercut followed and another knee blow to his nose and he passed out.
Lydia leaned on the wall weakly as she felt dizzy.
The neighbours were able to gain entrance.
Their eyes popped out in horror as they saw blood stains everywhere.
One of them rushed to Timi.

"My son, my son!" He shook Timi.
"Can someone explain what happened here?"

They all faced Lydia.
"What happened?"

Lydia whimpered in pains. "He tried to kill me.."


Tbc....

Kentuforchrist:
FTC nice update John ......lemme Goan read restless at youngicee

....thanks

Episode 18
Vibration.

Harry and his friends marched into the school compound.

"Guys my mirriam's mother na she devil!" James said.

"How? You deh call your inlaw devil?" Harry asked.

"Na true talk ooo. If you see wetin that woman do yesterday" Okon affirmed.

"I don deh regret why i go marry igbo woman!" James added in regret.

"Abi you no deh take advice!" Peter added.

"Presido! Presido!! Presido!!!" Chants and hails filled the air.
Harry lifted his hands in acknowledgement.

Soon they were sitted in the classroom awaiting lectures.

An average lady, heavily endowed with the much needed 'particulars' marched into the class.
She was facially pretty with a killer hips and smooth legs.

The class held their breath as they admired the new student.
As she catwalked, her bums made a kind of resonance as they shook.

"Omoh feel the vibration!!!" Someone screamed from the rear and some laughed.
Harry tapped the hypnotised Udoh. "Udoh! Udoh!!"

"Wetin?" Udoh was practically lost.

"No be Philomena be dat?" Harry asked.

"Na so i see am oo" Udoh replied.

"Wetin she deh do for here?" Harry asked a rather senseless question.

"I no know ooo" Udoh replied.

"That means you gast show working!" Harry smiled.

"Which kind working be that?"

"Good morning all!" Mr. Akpabio the geography teacher marched into the class.

The class replied.

The teacher climbed the podium and observed the class for a while, his eyes fell on the new lady.
"High pretty, have i seen this face before?"

Philomena nodded in negative.

"Introduce yourself! Define yourself!! Who are you? What are you?" People from the back screamed.

She stood up reluctantly. "I am Philomena Moses. I attended Royal evening education but i was transferred here to continue!" She said with a bit of shyness.

Harry stood up. "You are welcometh to this humble institution. I am the president and i hope with a measure of acrizical lobatan that you enjoy your delectablanisaristic moment here!" He bowed and sat.

"Mr. Harry" The teacher called.

"My lord!" He replied.

"I wonder where you get your words from?"

"Ohh i relate with wole soyinka, i eat and dine with Chinua Achebe!! I'm in.love with my cosmopolitan dictionary. I manufacture words as an english scientist!" That was Harry again.

"Is alright! Today we'll be discussing about ECOWAS. Who knows the meaning of ECOWAS?" The teacher asked.

The whole class was silent but Udoh saw this as an opportunity to have an impression on Philomena, the lady he had a crush on.

"No one has a slightest idea?"

"My lord!" Udoh raised his hands.

"I'm not your lord!" He said. "So speak!"

Udoh cleared his throat. "Egg-co-was is a hebrew word. It is a combination of fowl egg and cowas. That is to say it requires a...a..a...geography terminology to...to...combine. so since egg is inside, i will gladly say that Egg-co-was is the combination of agric and geography!" Udoh concluded.

Harry clapped and other followed suit.

"All of you that clap are olodo!" The teacher said.
"Sir we are encouraging his ministry of foolishness!" Someone screamed from the back.

Udoh not wanting to go down without a fight said "Ok sir, minister unto we, what the meaning of Egg-co-was! Shall i understand!"

"You old man! What do you want to understand?" The teacher said.

"Sir, textbooks are different. The one i am using is 1999 constitution" That was Udoh again.

"ECOWAS simply means economic community of west african states!"

"Is a lie!" Udoh sprang up. "I utterly disagreement with that abbreviation. Economic and community cannot go together, there's a mix up somewhere!"

"Udoh! I can walk.you out of my class now" The teacher was visibly angry.

"I'm speaking my mind!" He sat.

"Let's continue! The ECOWAS was created on 28th May 1975 in Lagos, and now consist of fifteen member countries. Its mission is to promote cooperation and integration by improving standard of people. Like i said earlier, the ECOWAS is made up of fifteen countries. Who can mention them?"

Philomena raised her hands. "Ghana!"

"Yea!" The teacher nodded. "Clap her"

The class gave a resounding ovation.

"I just said a clap!"

"Sir, a clap is it singular or plural!" Someone asked from the rear.

"Who again can try?"

Another lady raised her hand. "Sierra leone!"

"Yea..a clap!" He scrutinized the class. "Am i only teaching ladies, men say something!"

Udoh raised his hands up.

"Yes you!"

"Sir, what was the question?" Udoh asked.

The teacher nodded his head in pity. "Where were you, when i asked the question?"

"I were where!" Udoh replied.

"You were what?"

"I said i where were!"

"God of Hezekiah! The foolishness of men has ascended to your throne. Philomena, please tell that man the question!"

She stood up and faced Udoh, their eyes met. Her face immediately contorted in rage.

Udoh tried to change his face and he made series of attempt to dilate his pupil to form a love shape.

"Mention one country in ECOWAS!" Philomena said.

In order to impress the lady, he said "I won't mention one, I'll mention two"

"Go ahead then!" The teacher said.

"Britain and North korea!" Udoh replied.

The whole class bursted out in laughter.

Udoh just stared round in confusion.

"Is north korea in west africa?" The teacher screamed.

"Ooohhh! You mean west african countries...but you said ECOWAS...you're confusing me!"

"Will you sit down!" The teacher flared. "The countries are Mali, Nigeria, Togo, Cote D' ivoire....who can tell me the currency used in Mali?"

SILENCE!!!

"No one?"

Udoh stood up. "Euro Dollars!"

"You this man, are you crazy?"

"Sir, my mum did crayfish business in Mali, they used euro dollars at that time when the stock exchange was competitive..maybe they have changed because my mum appealed to UNICEF government for it to be changed!" Udoh rapped.

The teacher looked at him in anger then, pity and nodded.

"So who can tell me a few things about Togo?" The teacher asked.

SILENCE!!!

"Who was the past president of Togo?"

The word past president sounded like past participle in Udoh's ears.
Without warning, he stood up.

"Sir, the past participle of To-go is To-went or To- gone.
If i say, i travell to Togo,
past tense will be: I travelled to Towent. while past participle will be: I travelled to To-gone!"

The class held her breath as they deliberated on the weight of Udoh's stupidity and gross foolishness.

"Eh no ko better for the person weh do you this kind thing?" The teacher folded his hands and watched Udoh in pity.

"But you asked for past participle of Togo na?" Udoh tried to argue.

Noone could laugh at his condition, all they felt was pity, downright and unmitigated pity


°•°•°•°•°•°
Vera mummured in disgust as she spotted her husband on the floor snoring his life out.
The room smelt of booze and something like excreta.
Smart laid carelessly and spread his legs apart.

He returned home after three days of excessive clubbing-gay clubbing.
He couldn't even walk erect with legs closed. That was as a result of the numerous bones he anally received.

It was dusk and Smart never showed any sign of waking up.
Vera on her part couldn't bear the odour emanating from him.

She packed her few clothes and moved to the next room.
For days now, she had been in communion with her ex spirit and she was getting used to it and even enjoying his presence around her.
Taiwo even taught her how to summon his spirit.

Vera lit a candle and moved towards the mirror, she closed her eyes and thought about him.
She let the wax pour on her hand then she rubbed it on the mirror.

"Taiwo!" She called with her eyes closed. Her thoughts still on him.

"Taiwo!" She called again.

A breeze blew in the room, scattering things and the candle went off.

"V" a voice called.

Vera froze in fear.

"Is me Taiwo!"

She breathed in relief. "Why must you have to do that?" She found the bed and sat.

"Do what?"

She felt his presence on the bed. "Why must you breeze round and turn off the candle leaving everywhere in utter darkness before appearing!"

"I am partly a creature of your imagination, you won't be able to fellowship with me in light. The darkness is an important ingredient for our fellowship!"

"Is just that the darkness scares me!" Vera shrugged.

"With time, you'll get used to us" Taiwo replied. "What of your husband?"

Vera just sighed. "I don't really understand the fool. He left this house two days ago, accus..."

"Is okay!"

Vera felt a slight breeze on her top.

"I wish i could touch you!"

Vera chuckled. "I still feel you!"

"You feel my effects, not myself!"

"So what's the difference?"

"All stray spirit are elements of the wind, we are lighter than humans. So every single earthly object weighs heavily than us. You only feel the wind not me in spirit!"

"Your theory is wash!!!" She giggled.

"I want to ask a favour from you"

"Yea, go on!" Vera urged.

"Can i use your husband's covering for a while?"

"Huh?"

"I mean i miss you, i just wanna feel you!"

Vera was getting more confused. "How does that got to do with my husband?"

"Everything...i can possess him for a while!"

"Noooo, you want to kill him...i disagree"

"Vera!" The voice was getting ferocious. "Don't you love me?"

"You are a spirit...infact you're dead. How can i love a dead man!"

"Then, you don't love me...i risked everything to be with you!"

"Sorrry, the thing is I'm scared that you might wish to hurt Smart!"

"But he's hurting you!"

"He can do what he likes to me...I'm his wife!" Vera stood up.
She felt a soft breeze by her side.

"Please i want to feel you in flesh!"

"You wish to fvuck me?" Vera turned towards the direction of the breeze.

"I..."

"Then, why are you trying to UnCloth me!" She was getting agitated.

"I'm not trying..."

"The breeze is trying to rip off my gown...my bra straps are weakening because of the continous wind on it...i can never lay with you!"

"Sorry....i can't help it...i don't really kn..."

"I don't want you here again!" Vera said.

"That's what you say everytime, but you end up summoning me!"

"Then this should be the last..." She moved to the door.

"Just know that i love you!"

The impact of the breeze was gone and the candle came on again.

°•°•°•°•°•
Timi relaxed on a sofa in a bar as he sipped his can of stout.
He glanced at his wristwatch at intervals and nodded his head to the beyounce tracks booming through the speakers.

He spotted who he waited for and raised his hand signalling her to come over.

Bernice walked majestically to the table and revealed her white dentition in a cool smile.
Timi got up and perked her.
The sofa was a two sitter sofa so Bernice sat beside him.

"What will you love to take?" Timi asked.

"Just malt!" She replied.

"Barman....a plate of peppersoup and a bottle of malt!" Timi ordered the bar man.

"So how are you? You're glowing...pregnancy looks good on you" He complimented.

Bernice giggled shyly. "Thanks"

"Ehmm! How are your parents...ohhh!" He dragged a table closer as the bar man placed the tray of hot steaming chicken peppersoup and a can of ice-chilled malt.

Bernice face turned white as the scent hit her, she got up and rushed towards the exit and vomitted into a sink.
She oned the tap and wiped the sink clean and moved weakly towards the table.

Timi was still shocked. "Are you okay?"

"Yea!"

"Ohhh!" He finally got it. "The soup got you nauseous! I will eat it!"
He dragged the chair closer to himself and attacked the meal.

Bernice opened the can malt and gulped everything down and breathed.

"Dad is growing impatient!"

"Yea! I'm ..."

"He really wants to set his eyes on you...not that he's after the marriage rites. He just want to make sure his grand child isn't a bastard!"

"I'm trying to set things in order...click some buttons. But i spoke to him on phone and i told him I'll visit this month end!"

"Ok, please don't disappoint" Bernice said.

"Ehmmm" he pulled out a pink case from his breast pocket.
He went on a knee. "Marry me Bernice and together let's build our world!"

Bernice squealed like a happy puppy and stucked her finger forward.
He inserted the ring.

"You haven't said something!" Timi smiled.

"Yes! Yes!! I'll marry you..I'll marry you!" She couldn't control her excite ment.
Timi got up and hugged her.

His phone call distracted the moment.
He looked at the screen, the caller was Lydia.

"Witch! Witch!! Witch!!!" He cursed under his breath. He swiped the green icon.

Lydia: My parents knows I'm pregnant and i told them you wish to deny it. If you love your life, come meet my Dad and do the necessary things but if you dont..then you will know that some forces are invisible but their impacts are felt.

The call was disconnected.

"What is it?" She noticed the sudden mood change.

"I'm dead!" Timi gasped.

"What?"

"I said I'm dead in joy!" His brain messed up big time.

Bernice knew something was amiss, the caller just changed the mood.

Tbc.....

mhizv:
please update

Soon...

Kentuforchrist:
John update oo

I'm working on it...

Kentuforchrist:
feed me more bro

more on the way....

tahir01:
James go hear am from him inlaws.

Much love...

Adeola25:
Officer Timi is the real HRH. I like the way Miriam's mum dey pepper James. Thanks for the update Op

Much love....

Teedah:
Happy belated birthday noble writer. May all your dreams come true. And may every writer's block be overcome on time.

Much love bro...

Brainiac12:
Happy birthday to noble Snoop Dogg says more Igbo to you

Thanks bro...

Episode 17

Inlaw!!!

James flagged a taxi infront of his compound.
"I deh go AKTC park!" James said.

"Enter, you carry #200?" The taxi driver said.

"For wetin? I deh go lagos? If you no collect #100..."

"Enter, enter!" The driver cut in.

James entered the cab and the driver sped off.

Ten minutes later, he alighted at the park. He searched the park with his eyes. He had come to get his mother inlaw.

Mummy Chinaza, Mirriam mother received a call earlier about Mirriam's birth.
So she travelled down from Ebonyi to Akwaibom state courtesy of James.
She mummured in anger, she had waited at the park close to an hour.
Her phone rang.

Chinaza: Hello, why you deh delay me na.

James: Calm down ma.

Chinaza: shuttup! No be ya mates deh play flight for their mummy inlaw.
She never failed to show her displeasure towards James.

James: Mummy, I'm in the park..just come outside let me see you.

Chinaza: Nansense!

James sighed, he never wanted any association with his wicked inlaws but he couldn't deny a mother from taking care of her grand child.

He spotted the old woman with a screwed up face staring at him in disgust and anger.
Apparently, she had seen him first.

"Mummy! Mummy!!" James hailed. "I been think say you no ko fit make the journey this week!"

"Oya if you don finish, commot me for here now!" She walked past James.
He breathed in confusion.
Why did his inlaws treat him like thrash?
Maybe he wasn't rich!
Maybe he wasn't from their tribe!

°•°•°•°•°•
Timi drew in a thick drag of his moulded weed.
He was sitted with his friend, a comrade in the police force.
Burna boy album vibrated in the sitting room.
Timi grabbed a jumbo sized weed, pressed it into a rizzler and smoothened it with saliva.

"Femi!" Timi called as he took a deep drag.

"Brotherly!" Femi returned the favour, he took a deep drag and sighed deeply.

"Let's reason some inspiration!" Timi said, his eyes were closed.

Weed and Burnaboy's album was a perfect combination for a reasonable inspirational discussion.

"I'm bleeped up!" Timi smiled. "There is a power plant in my head!" He pointed to his head.

Femi smiled.

"I bleeped two ladies and now the both two are pregnant! What a fiok!!"

Femi nodded. "To who much is given, much is expected!" He took another drag.

"You mean i was given too much sperm cells?" Timi asked.

"Ask your creator, he is with us!" Femi replied.

"I'm confused!" Timi said.

"How can you be confused when you are sniffing in the spirit of King Solomon!"

"Two ladies are pregnant for me, one is carrying triplet, one is carrying one plet!" Timi took in a drag and kicked the air.

"What is your spirit telling you?" Femi grabbed another weed from the tray, his eyes were blood shot.

"My spirit tells me to run, to run faraway from this world!"

"This world is evil!" Femi affirmed as he rolled the rizzler.

"Who made it evil?" Timi asked.

"Us, people like us. Not even us, people like you!" Femi pointed.

"Why me?"

"You were fucking two ladies without raincoat, You swam so comfortably and lubricated them with your fuel!"

"I wore raincoat!" Timi cut in.

"Then why are they carrying children?" Femi asked.

Timi nodded. "Of a truth, the world is evil!"

"You're a fool!" Femi spat.

"Yes i am!"

"You're a donkey!"

"Yes i am!"

"You are a man!"

"Yes i am!" Timi was now seeing stars in his sitting room.

"You love them?"

"Who?"

"The two ladies!"

"I love one and i lover one!" Timi replied.

"So you love one and lover the other?" Femi took a drag.

"Yes!" Timi nodded.

"Marry who?" Femi asked.

"You say?" Timi asked.

"I said, who will i marry?" Femi screamed.

"I marry Bernice, she is so calm and authentic!" Timi saw Bernice standing nude before him. "Ohh! She is here!"

"Who?" Femi asked.

"The lady i love...come to Daddy!" Timi beckoned at Bernice.
He saw her movs towards the door.
"My love, where are you going?"
He got up and rushed towards her but stumbled on the table and fell down.

"You fall?" Femi asked.

"Nooo, i am floating!" Timi struggled to stand. He saw Bernice twerking before him.
He grabbed her buttocks.

"Brotherly, why are you romancing the pillar?" Femi asked.

Timi only nodded and smiled. He kept on romancing the pillar which he saw as Bernice.

"Timi"
He heard a voice that sounded like Lydia. He turned and spotted Lydia with a knife.

"Help me!" Timi screamed.

"What is it?" Femi asked.

"The one i lover is twerking for me, the one i love is with a knife!" Timi said.

"A knife, dispossess her and take your possession!" Femi replied.

Timi stood up and whispered to the pillar. "Bernice, wait for me!"

"Where are you going to?" The pillar asked.

"Bernice you ask much questions!" He clenched his fist and moved towards the dinning.
"Lydia, i don't want you, are you daft! Do you know that i can get you arrested for pinning me down with triplet. I donated two litres of fuel...how did it manage to conceive triplet. Go and share the triplet to the three wise men that gave you gold, myrhh and frankinscence!" Timi said.

"Wharris dat?" Femi asked.

"Lydia, she is here!!" Timi replied.

"Do you need some privacy?" Femi asked.

"I don't think so...but I'm thinking so!" Timi replied.

Femi got up with his jumbo size wrap and staggered round the sitting room.
"Timi, where are you?"

"You mean me?" Timi asked.

"Show yourself, i can't see you...or are you in heaven cuz all i see is Burnaboy and white smoke!" Femi knelt down.

"Here am i...send me!" Timi fell to the ground.

The substance they inhaled messed them up big time.

"Timi, where ever where you are, i want you to take a right decision! You are a man..don't let two women damage your destiny. Marry one of the both two women...where are my words? The are flying out of my mouth!" Femi stared in horror at the smoke that emanated from his mouth.
"Timi, where is my voice?" Femi tried to catch the smoke.

Timi was in his knees, proposing to the dinning table. "Lydia,i am not a bad person, I'll give you the needed concentration. I want you to be my baby mama. Think about it...but you'll do me a favour, you'll share the three babies in your womb to the three men that fvucked you.
Bernice, marry me!
Will you?"

"Angel Burnaboy, where is my voice..why is smoke coming out of my mouth..why am i smoking? It will not be better for the people that brought smoking into the world!" Femi said in tears.

"Femi, come and bless my union!"

"Tell Burnaboy to bless it for you, i can't find my voice!" Femi replied.

"I don't trust Burnaboy, he'll steal my babes and my kids and run to heaven gate!" Timi replied.

"Then help me find my voice!" Femi added desperately.

"Where was the last place you kept it?"

"I don't know!" Femi started sobbing.

There was power outage.

"No, Burnaboy don't leave the sound system! Give me my voice!" Femi screamed. "Timi, Nepa has taken light and Burnaboy is leaving with my voice!"

"Bro, we'll track him down!!! I'm sure!!!" Timi said.

Femi began to sob and with time it escalated to tears.

"Bro, weeping may endure for the night but Joy comes in the morning!" Timi quoted and rested his head on the wall and slept off.

"I don't need Joy, I'm still dating Anita!! I can't cheat on her!" Femi said. He saw black smoke hovering round his face. He tried to stand up but his brain switched off.

°•°•°•°•°•
James and his mother inlaw alighted from the vehicle.
Mrs. Chinaza looked round the environment in contempt.

"I thought you said you owned a duplex?"

James jerked in shock and turned towards his mother inlaw. Her intonation and diction suprised him.

"Ehmm..it is still under renovation" He scratched his head.

"So you deh leave for this dirty environment. See dirty everywhere!" Her face was screwed up in disgust. "You sure say you never catch disease for this kind environment? You get mind marry my daughter on scholarship. That one never do, you come put her for this kind environmeny, that one never do, you put am belle for this kind environment! You wan die?"

James kept silence and retrieved her luggages from the cab man.

"James the tear rubber father!" Okon hailed.

"Bro i deh ooo!" James replied in low spirit.

"Mama de mama!" Okon hailed as he recognised Mirriam's mother.

"Na now i sabi say akwaibom people no sabi respect!"

Okon flinched.

"Na me you deh call that kind botanical name?" Mrs. Chinaza flared. "You deh call me like say you deh call your sugar mummy!"

"I'm sorry ma...really, really sorry!" Okon bowed and left. He turned and gave James a 'you don enter one chance' look.

James dragged the luggages and led the way.
They entered into a dark corridor.

"Ahh why this corridor dark like this, i no deh like dark place..if you be satan weh like darkness.."

James knocked at the door and it was unlocked from inside.

"Mammi!" Mirriam squealed and hugged her mother.

"Ooh! My daughter, where my pikin? Why you deh sweat?" Mrs. Chinaza threw different set of questions.

James decided to escape.

"Where you deh go? You never even show me wey i ko sleep!" Mrs. Chinaza said.
James scatched his head.

"My boy" Mrs. Chinaza held the cute baby. "You resemble my husband, Ebube chukwu!" She made a funny dance step.
She examined the room for a while.
"Na only one room una deh stay?"

"Yes...for the mean time!" Mirriam said.

"Where the baby ko sleep?"

James breathed, his head was spinning.

"Here!" Mirriam pointed.

"Chineke mooo! Na bed be this? This foam were look like tyre weh don burn. Ooooh Mirriam, you wan make bedbugs chop my pikin body?" Mrs. Chinaza exclaimed.

Mirriam was weak.

"Why this room hot like this, i no deh hell fire ooo! See as my pikin deh sweat! Una no get nepa?"

"Ehmmm!" James tried to speak.

"On generator na, fan no even deh this una room sef!" Mrs. Chinaza sat on a three legged stool.
Before Mirriam could say something, the chair lost balance and Mrs. Chinaza fell to the ground. James reflex was sharp as he caught the baby midair.

"Mum sorry,mum sorry!" Mirriam and James rushed to get her up.
Inwardly, James was happy.

"Ohh God why!" Mrs. Chinaza sobbed. "No be my mates pikin deh live for flat? No be my mates pikin deh get executive chair for parlour? Una come carry stool weh get three legs keep make i siddon. You wan make i break my waist? You ko fit afford waist surgery, you wan make i die live my husband?" Mrs. Chinaza kept on lamenting.

"Mum sorry, it wasn't intentional!" Mirriam kept pleading.

"Ok, abi it was international bah?" Mrs. Chinaza sat on the mattress.
"This una mattress deh pain me for nyansh ooo. Pins deh inside?"

James gave Mirriam the baby and raced out of the room.

"Una deh drink po-ver-tea for here!" She lamented.

"Mum is okay!"

"See wetin your papa warn you. You sabi Chinelo, that ya friend. Her husband get the biggest house for Onitsha. I been tell you make you marry igbo man, you no gree. See as you slim like dried fish...see una room like prison custody!"

Mirriam lowered herself to the ground.

"Hunger don deh waya this pekin, you get milk for that ya breast!"

Mirriam collected the baby and breastfed him.

Mrs. Chinaza grabbed a handfan and began to fan herself.

"I don deh tired! Where my room, i wan commot my clothes!"

"This is the only room we have!" Mirriam said.

"You mean say i ko follow una sleep for this den!"

Mirriam sighed.

"My daughter! Come back to the village. Your suffering deh smell!"

"Mum, it is okay. I'm not complaining!"

"How you ko take complain...the boy don jazz you!" She took off her clothes and tied a wrapper.
"I wan bathe!"

"Ok, let me rock the baby to sleep, I'll then take you to the bathroom!"

"No disturb yaself..weh that your husband? The boy no deh help you?"

"Your incessant complaint is scaring him away!"

James unlocked the door and entered with a mat and a food pack.
"Mum, you don baff?"

"Why you deh ask, i deh smell?"

"No, i just wan know incase!"

"Incase wetin?"

"I bought achi soup and akpu!" James dropped the food on the table.

"Una no deh cook for house bah? Naso una deh buy resturant food?"

"No mum, the thing is..." Mirriam tried to explain.

"I resemble person weh deh chop akpu? na indomie and fried egg i wan chop!" Mrs. Chinaza said.

tbc...

mhizv:
Lydia and Bernice! Can't wait

buckle your seat belt...

Adeola25:
Congrats to James. Bernice's mum is not serious oo, so Yoruba people dey shit for bed, lol.Thanks for the update OP

Thanks for being there for me...

Episode 16

New Born!



"Push!" The nurse kept on screaming.

Mirriam was weak, she sipped the glucose like her life depended on it. Really her life depended on it.

"I won't get pregnant again...James has killed me" Mirriam kept on lamenting.
The lamentation was a usual cliche to the pregnant women during labour. The nurses and midwives were used to it.

"You're getting it...the head is almost popping out!"

"Ahhhhh" Mirriam heaved and pushed with all her strength.
She felt a thousand needles were being pierced inside her.

"Where is James?" Mirriam asked.

The nurses looked at each other. "Who is James...sister don't complicate things for yourself!"

"Tell him that I'm dying...i want to piss!" She screamed.

"Ma...push!!!!"

Mirriam screamed with all her strength.

"We need to get the gynaecologist!" The head nurse said and examined Mirriam who was gasping for air.

A nurse rushed out of the labour room and returned with a short dark man who wore a lab coat.

"Doctor, the baby is too fat...if we continue with the process...she might die!" The head nurse said.

"Let's try for the last time, has her husband been contacted?" The Doctor examined Mirriam.

"Yea!"

"We'll need him to sign the necessary paper works for C.S" The Doctor said.

"I don't want to be operated on!" Mirriam screamed.

The nurse stared at each other, amazed by her strength.

"A pair of forceps!" The Doctor screamed. "We need to stop the flow of blood and...she need to be oxygenated!" The Doctor said.

And the nurses proceeded to set the equipment in place.

°•°•°•°•°•
Bernice retrieved a plate of frozen soup from the kitchen, she warmed it and her mother stirred the pot of fufu on the fire.

"So, tell me about this your guy!" Her mum said.

Bernice smiled. Her mother was a proffesional 'gister'.
"Mum i thought i told you everything!"

Her mother smiled. "I'm so overjoyed! my baby girl is getting married!"

"Yea!"

"But i don't like military men!" Her mum added thoughtfully.

"Why?"

"They love women!"

"Ahhh! Who doesn't like women?"

"They jump from one woman to another!"

"Ahh! my Timi is not like that" Bernice put off the cooker. "He will make a good husband!"

"I am somehow having some fears about....you said he's from yoruba?"

"Yea!"

"Yoruba? The use to shit in the house!"

"This woman eh!"

"I'm serious! Yoruba normally shit on the bed"

"Mum, stop it!"

"What if he dies in the battle field!"

"Back to sender!" Bernice shrugged.

"Back to me abi?"

"No mum...you're pessimistic. Yoruba people are good people!"

"How many of their food can you cook?"

"Uhmmm" Bernice thought for a while. "Non!"

Her mother nodded her head.

"Mum, the guy eats our food! You and dad shouldn't worry, when you guys see him..you'll love him!" Bernice left the kitchen.
The scent from the soup made her nauseous.
She heard a bang at the gate.

"Bernice!" Her Dad called from the sitting room. "Check the gate, someone is knocking"

Bernice strolled lazily to the gate, her stomach churned and she rushed towards the garden and vomitted.
She wiped her mouth with the hem of her garment.
The knock was heard again.
Bernice strolled to the gate and unlocked it, she was suprise to see her step sister at the gate.

"Good day sis!" Bernice greeted, she observed her sister. She looked pale but a bit plumby and fleshy.

"How are you?" Lydia asked.

"Whoah! Today is a good day" Bernice smiled. "I'm fine...where have you been?"

"I travelled! Is Dad in?" Lydia stepped into the compound.

"Yea!" Bernice closed the gate.

Both of them moved into the house.

Lydia spotted her Dad and step mum eating in the dinning.

"Good morning Dad, Good morning mmmm...mum!" She went on her knees.

"Ly! Where have you been...the whole family have been worried!" Her Dad said with concern.

"I'm very sorry for the attitude i.."

"That's in the past!" Her Dad waved and ordered her to stand.

Her stepmum looked in anger and disgust.

"Dad i...am...pr.."

"Ly what is it?" Her Dad asked.

She swallowed a lump from her throat. "I'm getting married!"

Everyone gasped in suprise.

"No wonder! So you figured out that you'll need your father's blessings that's why you came to ask for forgiveness!" Her stepmother sighed in disgust.

"Its okay!" The man hushed.

"What is okay? Tell me!" She got up. "Your good for nothing daughter called me a LovePeddler, beat me!"

"I'm sorry...i thought we settled that problem!" Her husband tried to calm her down.

"Don't forget the law of karma...you're getting married huh? You'll have kids even step kids...the way you treated me, some other persons will do same to you. Fool!" She got up and left the dinning.
Bernice followed suit leaving only Lydia and her Father.
They just stared at each other in silence.

°•°•°•°•°•°
James rushed into the hospital reception.
He had received a call concerning his wife's plight.
He moved from one nurse to the other asking about his wife's condition.

After what seemed like eternity, the Doctor emerged from a corridor sweating.

"Doctor..." James rushed and met him. "I am Mr. James, husband to Mrs Mirriam!" James said in quick breath.

"Ohh! Congrats!! Your wife just delivered a baby boy!"

James screamed, jumped up and made a funny dance step.

"Can i see her?" James asked.

"Yea!" The Doctor smiled.

°•°•°•°•°•°•
"Taiwo!" Vera called in fear, she still felt dizzy.

"Sorry to scare you! It wasn't my intention, I'm just suprised you could see me!" Taiwo said and moved to touch her but couldn't as his hands passed through her.

"I would do anything to hold you again!" Taiwo knelt before her.

"Am i dead?" Vera asked still confused.

"Na!"

"Where is my husband?"

"He is somewhere, getting his ass torn!" Taiwo smiled. "You really tried to put on with that man!"

"I bind you!" Vera screamed. "In the name of Jesus, i rebuke you...i command you to leave this instant!" Vera screamed in horror.

Taiwo stood back in shock.

"I don't need you...i don't want you!" Vera was breathing hard.

"Vera..is me! Taiwo!"

"Goooo!" Vera screamed.

The door was unlocked.
Taiwo vanished into the air.
Smart moved in to see Vera looking weird.
"Are you okay?" Smart moved towards Vera. "Why is this room in a mess!" Smart dropped the pack on the table.

Vera stood up and dusted her clothes.
Smart examined her crtically.

"What took you so long!" Vera asked.

"Why is this room like this, why are you sweating?" He examined her again but this time, with suspicion.

"This over five hours now since you left!" Vera looked at the wall clock.

"Something is wrong with you...you were fvucking someone huh?" Smart began searching the room.

Vera watched him in amusement.

"I need to see a pastor...a ghost visited me!"

"You're a big idiot...what ghost? Where is the ghost?" Smart charged at her and dragged her hand. "If you don't show me where you're hiding that man...i promise you..you'll regret!"

Vera wriggled out of his grip. "Smart are you for real? I barely survived your assault! And know you're accusing me of bleeping another man. Where is your conscience?" Vera was loosing it. "You left me to buy food...for over....ahhhhgh" She cried as Smart sent a straight punch to her nose.
She fell down and sobbed.

"I think your mum didn't teach you manners of speaking!" Smart surged forward.

Vera felt a bit relieved as she felt a slight breeze brushing her nose.

"Idiot!" Smart left the house.

"Vicky was right!"
Vera heard a voice.

"That guy carries a very dark aura...he might be your undoing!"

Vera gasped. "He is my husband!" She found herself communicating with the spirit. "I love him!"

"Love? What's love?"

Vera felt confused, it seems she was gradually loosing her mind. "Let me be! Let me be!! Let me be!!!"

And there was a black out.


The Story has just begun...

Episode 15

Spirit Husband.

A taxi sped into the compound and stopped.
Smart and Vera alighted from the vehicle. She moved and leaned on a pillar while Smart and the driver removed the luggages.
There was something special about the driver, Smart watched his walking steps and his eyes.
For a while their eyes connected, the driver looked away.
"Your money is four hundred naira" The driver said.

Smart searched his pocket and retrieved a thousand naira note, he handed it to the driver.
Electrifying feelings bolted through Smart as the driver's hand brushed against his own as he took the money.
The driver observed Smart.

"You're handsome!" The driver complimented.

"You look good too!" Smart replied.

"I love your chest" The driver's eyes dimmed in deep admiration.

Smart on his part was delighted, he has found his catch.

"Can we talk some other time...i need to attend to my wife!" Smart said.

The driver gasped in shock and then disappointment. He wasn't a gay.

"Ok!" The driver moved to his car and unlocked.
Smart tapped his butt.

"I need your number!" Smart requested, the driver's stature already left him with an erection.

"Are you gay?" The driver whispered.

"Yea!"

"But you're married" The driver closed the car and surged forward.

"Anything wrong with that baby?" Smart whispered.

Vera sighed loudly, she needed her bed. She moved towards her husband.
"The key!"

"Ohh!" Smart gasped and retrieved the key from his breast pocket.
"I'll join you later"

The driver watched Vera till she disappeared from sight.

"Don't you dare check out my wife!"

"I don't do women...so when can we meet, is long since i had a good Bleep!" The driver tapped his groin.

"Villa guest house...6pm" Smart said and tapped his chest. "Prepare you ass for me!"

"And you too" The driver replied and blew a kiss.

"Careful, the neighbourhood!" Smart warned.

"I don't care...see you this evening...but i do charge!" The driver said.

Smart who wanted moving paused in shock.
"You're a sex worker?"

"Yea, i don't receive for free! Are you a giver?" The Driver asked.

"I give and receive...but its long since i received!" Smart replied.

"Don't worry, till we meet!" The driver entered his car and sped off.

Smart arranged himself to avoid his wife seeing his erection.
He dragged the luggages in.

"What kept you so long!" Vera asked, she laid on a sofa.

"Business ideas!" Smart replied and lowered himself on a sofa. "The man said he could get me a car on hire purchase".

"That's good!" Vera was pleased atleast her husband will do something meaningful with his life.

"But he has to register me in the union!"

"And how much will the registration cost?"

"He said thirty thousand!"

"Hmmm!"

"But the job is legit...this evening I'll be going with him to see the owner of the bus!"

"And how much is this car..or is it a bus?"

"The bus is seven hundred thousand...and I'll be paying fourty thousand every month!" Smart said.

"How big is this bus...fourty k a month? Is it not too expensive?" "He said the bus is a coastal bus...with a hundred seat!"

"Ok...God will help! Just see the bus first..I'll give the registration money next month!" She gasped as she suddenly remembered something. "I hope you called my boss!"

"Yea...I'm hungry!" Smart rubbed his stomach.

"Me too, cook rice na!" Vera said.

"You know i can't cook!" Smart raised his hands.

"Just rice na" Vera pleaded.

"I can't cook!"

"You know i can't cook in this condition...i can barely stand!" Vera pleaded.

"Ok.." He seemed to reconsider a bit. "Give me money, I'll go buy rice from the eatery down the street".
Smart got up from the sofa.

"Check my purse in the room!" Vera said and laid back on the sofa.

Smart moved into the room and changed into another wear and moved out to buy the food.

A soft wind blew in the sitting room, but it ferocity displaced some light items.
It was strange, the AC wasn't on.
She saw a shadow on the wall.
She shivered in fear, the wind suddenly stopped and she couldn't see the shadow again.
She got up from the parlour and went into the room to have her bath.
She felt a presence in the room, but she discarded the thought.
She entered into the bathroom and spent sometime in there.
After her bath, she moved out of the bathroom towards the dressing mirror where she kept her creams on a small case.
Her eyes popped open as she spotted a reflection of a man close to the curtain.
She turned backwards towards the curtain but saw no one.
She turned to the mirror and saw the figure, she turned to the curtain and saw no one.
She turned to the mirror, lo and behold, the man was smiling at her and waving.

"Jesusssssss!" She screamed and woke up with a gasp.

"Smart!" She called and checked the time. It was four hours since her husband left to buy food.

She felt a chill hand rubbing her chest.

She let out a scream and jumped off the sofa.

Standing before was Taiwo.

"Hi Vera!"

She fainted.

°•°•°•°•°•°
Mirriam checked the wall clock, she was late for an event.
She got up from the bed and made for the door when a sharp pain surged through her.
She gasped and held a locker for support.
Her waist was on fire as she felt inner contractions.
She held her waist and tried to move to the bed then her water bag broke.
She knew she was due.
Something was tearing her apart inside.
The pains was unbearable.
She gave a loud scream.

tbc....

Oluwatimi2000:
Happy birthday to you I wish u success in all ur endeavors One love

thanks bro...
i appreciate

Thanks to you all who made me feel special, I'm overly grateful....
God bless you all.
For the ghost readers who couldn't even spare a wish, i don't know what to say.
To my ardent fans and noble literati(s), God bless you all...
DESIRE 2(House on Fire) continues....