Episode 12

Cross.

Okon-Eket

Harry closed his bible and faced the congregation.
"I know most of you don't like this gospel, many of you thought that i wanted to give you people the bread of life....but this gospel isn't bread, it is stone...it is time for prayers...i want you all to readjustifrate your fatohobic mind....i want you all to ragradefy your scunthorpic mind, i want you all to look at the cross!".
The congregation were baffled at Harry's neck breaking words.
"Look at the cross, Chisos died naked on the cross....the cross is before you...look at the cross!" He stretched his hand, and made the sign of the cross.
Not withstanding, the atmosphere was a bit tensed, as the spirit of God took over.
"Are you ready to kabash?"
"Yes!" The congregation screamed.
"Now say...Oh lord, every slay -mama spirit...that has exchanged the position of my brain....repeat after me!" He screamed at the congregation.
The congregation repeated his words.
"Let it catch fire...begin to pray!"
The whole members began to pray.
Harry stamped his foot on the ground and spoke in several unknown tongues...maybe the tongues of his ancestors.
He rang a bell to signal a break.
"Oh lord.."
"Oh lord..." The members echoed.

"Every salunfirizied locomotive jazz!"

"Every...." The members couldn't make out the other words.

Harry didn't mind.

"Every lumbaristic bukucanada ghost"

SILENCE!!!

Harry opened his eyes.
"You see...you are not in the spirit with me...my brother and sister, look at the cross...i get my words from the cross!"
The members cheered.
"Now let's move to our family house...i don't know the means of transportation you'll use...but me I'll use keke-napep!"
The members took some steps forward.
"Who is that yellow nyansh demon that say you will not get married?"
The women screamed in tongues.
"Who is that menostophobic salinabadtic, bezebeze that say you'll not see husband...i command that demon to jam the cross and dieeeeeee!"
"Ammmmmmennnn!"
"Oh Cross...jam somebori, ...now repeat after me....oh cross"

"Oh cross" The members screamed.

"Cross nack person mental"

"Cross hit somebody!" The church echoed.
"Don't say what i didn't say....i switch to pidgin because most of our family witches are illiterates...so if you speak english, they won't understand!"
The members screamed.

"Now repeat after me....Cross"

"Cross.." the members screamed.

"Any witch weh deh paint my face with shit.."

"Any..."

"Ahhh...you people are behaving like Judas....Be strong. There was a lady i knew, a very pretty...appetizic lady,calm and centifugal in nature, but she didn't see husband..you know why?"

"Ride on sir!" The members screamed.

"Who told me ride on? Am i riding bicycle? Have you seen me riding something on this altar? Most of you use to smoke carbide before coming to this church...and you know what?
You made a big mistake smoking today before coming..because cross will knack ya teeths off and before you leave this stadium, your mouth won't be conducive for you to smoke".
"So as i said....or as i was saying, this pretty lady didn't see husband...do you know why?"
"Noooo" The church echoed.
"You all are in the flesh, when you're in the spirit, you're supposed to know everything...you're not with the cross...now hold the cross"
The members held the imaginable cross.
"Where is the cross you're holding?" Harry asked.
"Una no deh serious...you're to hold the cross in the spirit...just look at how all of you are struggling to hold the pillar, is pillar cross? Christ didn't die on the pillar, he died on the cross or do you want him to die again on a pillar?"
The members were getting tired.

"Do you know how many vigils the witches in your houses use to keep ontop your matter? Do you want them to succeed?"

"Nooo" the members charged.

"Then use ya head...now this pretty lady didn't see husband because she had mouth odour. Brethren, to say her mouth was smelling shit is an understatement...permit me to humbly say that her mouth odour was a combination of ozone layers coupled with the photosynthetic carbon -baby- oxide and isotopy of shit oxide and calistic alloy of glycogen manure....sorry for that long chemical equation, only PHD holders of chemical engine will understand. Now, any man that want to approach this lady will always collapse, some use to die because of her mouth odour....somebody say mouth odour!"

"Mouth odour!" The members echoed.

"The lady baff with the best soap, she flitted fifty seven cans of perfume a day but couldn't ....instead of the perfume to mask the odour, the perfume now added a divine smell to the mouth odour making it to smell like perfumated adorable odour....the lady even graduated from perfume and started using Rambo insecticides but it didn't work....somebody say it didn't work!"
"It didn't work!" The church echoed.

"The lady rotated for eleven years, no husband....because of odour...somebody say odour!"

"Odour!" The church replied.

"But when the woman came in contact with Cross, she had a serene lambodial fuzy-rizy with the cross! Her life was changed....after that somebody confessed! Do you know who confessed?"

The members not wanting his spiritual speech wahala kept mute and urged him to talk, obviously they were enjoying the session.

"The Lady's grand mother confessed, she said that she painted the girl's picture with her shit....somebody shout fire!"

"Fire!" The church screamed in holy anger.

"Say oh lord...."

"Oh lord...."
"Every grand mother that has use shit to paint my life!"
The members repeated.
"Let the cross jam that person....begin to pray...jalabaabaserena!" Harry began to kabash in tongues.
After some minutes had elapsed, he rang the bell.
"Say Oh lord..."
"Oh lord..." The members repeated.
"Every yeye boyfriend...."
That prayer point energized the ladies as they screamed.

"Every political boyfriend....you know what i mean by political boyfriend! Some ladies have dated a man since 1990 till date, no marriage...nothing to show forth..Most boyfriends have sweet mouth like our politician, they will promise you car, shopping allowance, iphone, wedding anniversary,....and when you answer their proposal, they turn you to a fuvcking device...those are yeye boyfriends...Ladies are you ready to destroy that yeye boyfriend?"

"Yessssss!" The ladies screamed.

"Oh lord..."

"Oh lord..." The ladies screamed.

"Every yeye boyfriend in my life, let them catch fire! Let the cross jam them...begin to pray!"
The Ladies prayed like their life depended on the prayer.
"Men, why are you not praying?....oh...the prayer wasn't for you?"

"Yess!" The men echoed.

"Ok...Say, Oh lord..."

"Oh lord..." The men echoed.

"If i be a yeye boyfriend, let fire come down from heaven..."

SILENCE!!!

Even Harry himself, was shocked at the prayer point he mentioned.
"God punish the Devil!" He said and rang the bell. "My fellow men, i didn't say fire should burn anybody ooo, i just said it should come down.........Ladies, are you ready to kabash...."

"Yes! Yes!!" Some were already barefooted, ready to pray...marriage matter isn't a joke.
"Now say, oh lord..."

"Oh lord..." Some ladies were already speaking in tongues.

"Every spirit of lying mohammed in my spouse, that makes him to feed me with false information.."

"Every spirit of Lai Mohammed in my spouse that makes him to feed me with false information" The ladies echoed.

"Noooooo!" Harry screamed like a bull caught by the horns and rang the bell continuously.

"I don't mean the minister of Information, i mean the spirit of lying...ladies take note...lying mohamned is a spirit in some men...some men can lie for the cross...
Baby, I'm rich, i yam a enterpreneur, i have landed properties...i from plane come reach, i no deh enter taxi. Iffu date me I'll be paying you minimum wage every month.
That's how they lie, you have landed properties, but in your room..when rain fall...you'll keep basin everywhere...even on ya bed. You say you are an enterpreneur but you recharge hundred naira card once in every six months! That's how some men lie, and it is not their fault but the lying muhammed in them....now ladies begin to command fire on them!"

After five minutes had elapsed, he rang the bell.
"Men are you ready to kabash..."
"Yessss!" The men roared.
"Say, oh lord..."
"Oh lord..."

"Every scammer that is after my money...every gold digger...every lady that has turn me into a mugu money spender...may such lady be crushed by the cross!"

The Ladies kept quiet, while the men roared in spirit.

After fifteen minutes had elapsed, he rang the bell.

"Church i want to testify...i was once a mugu spender, some times ago i met a lady named Vera, to say i spent money on her was an understatement, i literally sponsored her education...she chopped me home and away...but when God say it is over, believe me it is over!
I spent more than half a million and she was giving her boyfriend my money...i cried... When i had an encounter with the cross, i was delivered...now i can chop and kill myself with my money without worrying about a scammer.
May that cross that located me at the junction of my foolishness, locate all mugu spenders in Jesus name!"

"Amen!"

"Now, it is time for deliverance....many of us are container for demons...and that demons have destroyed our destiny....now let me tell you something...There was a man who had the demon of foolishness, he was a master degree holder but since he came in contact with these demon, he lost his senses...anytime he goes for an interview, he'll forget even the meaning of a noun...do you know what happened?"

"Tell us sir.." The members echoed.

Episode 11


Double Confusion

Timi roamed his office compartment, a bit dazzled. The thought of being a father was somewhat unbelievable to him.
Bernice was a nice, beautiful...infact a wife material. He had no problem with her carrying his baby.
His worries was on Lydia...the poor lady will literaly bath him with acid.

A knock on the door launched him back to reality.

"Who is that?" He bellowed
"Corporal Etuk!"
"Come in!" Timi ordered and took his seat.
"Good day agent!" Etuk saluted and Timi dismissed him with a wave.
"Sir the culprit is here!" Etuk pushed a tall lanky man into the office.
The man staggered limply into the office, his face was battered and his body was bloody.
"Mr....ehm....what's the name?" Timi scratched his head.
"Barnabas!" The man voiced weakly.
"Are you ready to tell me the truth?" Timi stretched his body forward.
"I have been saying the truth but una no wan listen...i no...."
"Sharrap criminal!" Etuk screamed.
"Ok...corporal, you can leave!" Timi said and grabbed his notepad.
"Shun sir!" Etuk saluted and exited the office.
Timi stared at the man for a few seconds and cleared his throat.
"So...Barnabas, did you kill the lady?"
"I.."
"The truth" Timi barked.
"I really loved the lady, i can't kill the woman i loved!" The man began sobbing.
Timi's phone distracted them.
He peered at the screen.

Timi: "Hello"

Lydia: Congrats my love.

Timi: Eh? Good day...what's the occassion?

Lydia: Guess

Timi: Please, I'm in the middle of an investigation....go straight to the point.

Lydia: You're about to be a father.

Jehovah!!!

Timi: Lydia, this isn't april and aprilfool won't work.....

Lydia: I'm so elated, and you know what...I'm carrying triplet.

George of the jungle!!!

Timi: Can you explain yourself, what are you saying..who gave you triplet?

Lydia: This calls for celebration...I'll be dropping by your apartment this evening.

Timi: Lydia wait...I'm not understanding you.
Damn!!! He almost smashed the phone on the ground.

"Congratulation sir....don't panic, i know the feeling of being a father for the first time" That was Barnabas speaking.
"Sharrap dia! Infact...congratulation kill you dia!! You are a criminal for congratulating me instead of pitying me" Timi roared.
"Officer, I'm sorry..."
"God will punish you and your congrating mouth!" Timi stood up.
"This can't be true!!!"
He made for the door.
"Officer please come and finish my case na" Barnabas pleaded.
"You are finished already...you don't need me to finish your case!" He unlocked the door.
"Etuk...Etuk..come and delete this guy from my office!"

•°•°•°•°•°
African Church of Jehovah

Harry and his friends alighted from a taxi and marched into the hall.
The praise and worship session was in progress.
The church was hosting her monthly revival and Harry was earlier appointed to minister.
Harry and his crew took the front pew.

°•°•°•°•°•°•
Vera was wheeled from the Intensive care unit into another ward for treatment.

"She is conscious!!!" The Doctor announced to the depressed family.
They jumped up in shock and joy.
"Where is she....can i see her..." They bombarded the doctor with questions.
"We'll start with her family...i mean her husband!"
"Yes" Smart breathed hard. "I hope she is far from danger!"
The feeling of guilt was still brewing inside of him.
"Come with me!" The Doctor ordered Smart.
He gave his mother-inlaw a reassuring smile and followed after the Doctor.

°•°•°•°•°•°•
After the rendition from the senior choir, the moderator took over the microphone.
"The lord is good!"
"All the time" The congregation replied.
"And all the time!"
"The lord is good!' The congregation echoed.
"We are now on item seven and that is the word of God...so i want everyone to be sober...i want you all to know that this moment is the most important. So i call on Brother Harry Udeme to come bless us with the bread of life".
The praise team took the floor as they sang 'Bread of life by Fred Hammond'.

Harry straightened his well starched shirt and made a majestic walk to the podium.

"Praise Jehovah, three in one!" Harry charged.
"Izza priviledge to be called upon the holy altar, my mates are being called upon to smoke, some are called upon to die but God called me to minister...He is worthy" He closed his eyes and breathed.

"Father i worship thee for an addictive menstrical colatipal spirit...you are adonai..the chief of chiefs, you call me from the gutter and gave me everlasting knockout. Who are wa? None is to be chemically equated with your celestial power. I commit this technical session into thy hands...lord let this session yield fruits Amen!" He opened his eyes.

Laughter erupted from the congregation.

"Iffu like laugh at me, today...oops tonight, i will be preaching on the topic i tagged "senseless men and ladies" i repeat "senseless men and ladies".
You might be wondering how i come about such brastificated topic, but it is not my doing...it is the cross.
As i was sleeping, i saw myself before the cross...Jesus is the cross...Look at the cross...It is an embodiment of sanctified respiratory falcolistic menzimemzi.
I'll take my reading from isaiah4 vs 1
and it says:

In that day so few men will be left that seven women will fight for each man, saying, Let us all marry you! We will provide our own food and clothing. Only let us take your name so we won’t be mocked as old maids.

The Bible saw everything, that the will come a time seven women will rush for one man...and it is happening.
Before i begin to manipulate, i want to inform the church that this sermon will be long....very, very long.

Now, let's talk about senseless ladies. Before in life, it was easy for a man to approach a lady and ask for a relationship but now it is hard.
Why?
Because women are so engaged to material things.
They refused to look at the cross.
and after spending their youthful years enjoying all size of dick, they will now rush to marry. They will now start begging men for marriage.

My sister stop all those life and look at the cross...the cross is standing opulentifically before you.
Stop following senseless men for dick and money, because as they are fucking you, they are also fucking your brain.
When menopause comes, it will pause all men and that time you'll be begging for man.
Amen?
Now let's go to senseless men.
You satanic kingdom of men that reasons with your dick, heaven is watching you.
You don't save your money, you follow woman up and down.
Are you a diabetes mellitus?
I command castration on all the satanic men in this place.
Think about your life...most men doesn't have future...even at the unripe age of fifty, they don't have sense...the more you release sperm is the more you loose your senses.
So, in respect to the lizernifadio beristicus, i humbly charge all senseless women to receive sense.
All senseless people around the world, receive sense.
Women start now to look for husband, so that you'll not join other women to be dragging husbands.
Be wise so that the prophecy of isaiah will not manifest in ya life.
Stand up for prayers.

tbc....

SpiceyD2020:
Thanks for the update More ink to ur pen

Thank you...

mhizv:

Sorry about that. Divepen1 please do something about this

Mhizv, thanks for being there...

Noble literati(s), sorry for the lack of updates...the ban issue is getting on nerves and freaking me out.

Ghost readers, you are not trying...

I'm scared to update cuz another ban might be loading....

Mods, with due respect, this shit is getting out of hand.
The ban is just too much!
Who have i offended?
I'm not paid for this, why does my post gets deleted everytime?

This is discouraging!
Spending time, racking the brain, trying to fix something. Only to discover it being deleted is simply wickedness!!!

I really want to know my offence so that i can make amends.
And please unhide my posts...

Cc.Divepen1
Cc.Obinnau

Episode 10
The Spirit gathering


Vera stood dazed and confused, the voices screaming in her head didn't stop.
Victoria dropped the paddle in the boat and rushed to her.
"Are you okay?"
Vera nodded, her palms covering her ears.
"I hear voices!"
"Voices, where?" Victoria helped her sit.
"In my head!"
"What did the voice say?"
"Fight!....that's what i keep hearing"
Victoria's eyes popped.
"You aren't dead?" Victoria examined her.
"I don't kno........Ahhhh!" Vera held her head.

'Miss fight this!!!"

Vera fidgeted on the boat.
"If you still hear voices from the other part, that means you aren't dead".
"But what am i doing here?"
"I'm as confused as you are" She grabbed the paddle and rowed the boat.

•°•°•°•°•°
Timi sighed for the tenth time. He had been driving and his phone was at the back seat.
The caller refused to give up as the phone kept on ringing.
He maneuvered the car and found a good parking point. He turned grabbed the phone and swiped the green icon.
"Hello"
"Timi baby!"
The voice dawned on him.
"Bernice, longest time. I'm sorry i couldn't call, you know how our work is. How is your dad?"
"Timi, I'm pregnant!"
"You're what?"

•°•°•°•°•°•°
Vera gasped in horror as she saw myriad of spirit on plain garment soaring few inches above solid ground.
"This is the tent!" Victoria dropped the paddle and held Vera's hand and together they soared out of the boat.
The feeling was interesting to Vera as she felt light.
The spirit dramatically created a space for her to pass by.
Vera turned back and saw fleet of boats sailing towards them.
"Those are spirits who just transcended from the mortal world" Victoria helped her off the confusion.
Truth be told, everywhere felt strange.
"Vvvvvera!" Someone screamed.
Vera turned toward the direction of the voice.
"Praise!!!!!" She squealed and soared towards her.
They hugged each other.
"I miss you!" They said almost in unison.
"What happened to you?" Praise asked.
"You mean?"
"She was killed by that devil!" Victoria spat.
Vera turned to her with a cold look.
"I happened to be around the bridge during the time you were assaulted" Victoria said and settled on a cliff.
"I can just come to....."
"Is it true?" Praise asked.
"What?" Vera asked in confusion.
"Does Smart have a h...."
"He didn't do it on purpose, we had a fight" She couldn't understand why she defended him.
Victoria chuckled lightly.
"You are still stupid!"
"And you're still mean!" Vera replied her.
"Where is Taiwo?" Vera asked.
"We need to look for him!" Victoria replied and soared.
"How will we spot him amongst these people?"
"Dont worry!"
"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Vera held her throbbing head.
"What's happening?" Praise asked in fear.
A bright light shone across Vera's face and she saw her lifeless body on the hospital bed with all sort of tubes connected to her.
In a flash, she saw her husband looking dejected, her family wailing, and screaming her name.
"What is it?" Praise asked.
"I don't belong here!" Vera took a step backward.
A powerful force swept her upwards.
"Veeerrra don't leave us!!!!" Praise cried.
"Vera!"
She looked down and saw a man, her eyes popped in realization.
"Taiwo!!"
"It is me" He nodded and stretched forth a hand. "Take my hand!"
Vera was torn between two realms.
The realms of men and the realms of the spirit.
"You promised never to leave me but you left and now providence has given us the opportunity to unite! Don't go back to the world, it is filled with evil!" Taiwo cried, he tried to soar closer to her but couldn't .
"Vera don't!" Praise and Victoria cried in unison.
"Reject that force and it will free your spirit!" Taiwo screamed.
Vera saw her crying mother, her senior sister, her husband, the Doctors sweating over in their lab coat.
"Think about us!" He breathed.
She closed her eyes and recalled the memories they shared. Taiwo and Vera.
She struggled with the torrent, she tried to gain her balance but couldn't.
Her friends sensing her difficulty tried to soar towards her but couldn't.
"Vera, through clouds and sunshine, please stay with me!" Taiwo screamed.

"You are not yet one of us, your time among men still counts!" A voice in the wind said.
"Your time with us counts!" They screamed in unison.
Vera struggled with the wind but she felt herself flowing with its torrent.
"You remembered the day i gave you a necklace, you remembered what you told me?" Taiwo wailed. "You said you will never leave me. Our love was strong in life, it is still strong in dead. Don't you feel it in your spirit?"
Vera gasped and struggled with the torrent.
"Vera don't go back to Smart, make a choice and break the wind!" Victoria screamed.
"Yes! Vera let the torrent know your choice" Praise cried out.
Vera screamed out in despair, she was torn between two realms.
The people she loved were on one side and the ones she cared about were on the other.
"Taiwo i care!" She managed to scream above the raging torrent. "But my family is priority!"
"Nooooooo" He screamed and soared towards her breaking the torrent. The love in him fueled his movement. He glided through the torrent and made to grab her spirit but she disappeared.
"Vera please stay with me!!!!" He screamed. "Abide with me, you promised me that!" He screamed in rage and a powerful thunder bolt followed.
"Don't despair, you'll see her one day!" Praise said in tears.
Taiwo closed his eyes and breathed hard.
"I can't wait for one day!" He soared towards the direction of the bridge.
"Where are you going?" Victoria asked.
"Following Vera!"
"She was just a wandering soul, she wasn't dead in the physical yet!" Victoria soared with him.
He glided and faced her.
"I vowed never to cross over to the other side but now i won't keep that vow!"
Victoria held him tight.
"Are you out of your mind? You've been buried! That adventure is dangerous. We can only find true rest here. What if you cross and never come back!"
Taiwo gritted his teeth.
"I can't stay here knowing the woman i love is...."
"So you want to go and kill her?"
"No! I just want to watch over her?"
"You'll scare her!"
"She won't see me!"
"She will"
"How are you sure? Mortals can't see beyond the veil an......"
"When i was dead, i didn't cross over to this side. I stayed round and i was suprised that she saw me!" She held his hand.
"If you love her, you'll let her be. Your presence in her life will add more trouble and if she attacks you diabolically, you'll be locked up here forever!"
Taiwo smiled at her.
"I'll be careful!"


He soared towards the bridge and hovered around it continuously.
His light began to diminish.
"Septan across the bridge"
"Septan across the bridge"
"SSSSEPTAN!!!!!!"
A heavy storm brewed, he screamed and disappeared.
Taiwo was now in the realms of men.

•°•°•°•°•
The heart monitor beeped signifying the normalcy of the heart beat.
The nurse observed her closely and noticed the slight movement of her fingers.
"Praise God! She is alive!" The nurse screamed in excitement.

tbc....

Episode 9
Happy Birthday

*BACO Club- Eket*

The sound system boozed at different angles in the club. Everyone was in high spirit as they screamed and gyrated their body to the mix.
The disc jockey was an expert in the game of mixing. The coloured light added colour to the gathering.
Clanking of bottles here and there made the atmosphere exciting.
Today was Harry's birthday.
Harry and his friends sat at one corner admiring the half nude ladies that roamed round the vicinity.
"Today ko make die!!!" Okon gasped and shuddered in excitement.
Their table were filled with over eight black and green bottles, there was a half filled crate of heneiken close to them.
"Harry my man!" Udoh called.
"Speak my lord!!!"
"You've suprised your enemies!!!"
"Yes!" Harry nodded.
"You are the bomb!" Udoh said.
"Yes!"
"Why are you yesing" Udoh asked.
"My lord, what do you want me to say" Harry asked.
From the tone and content of their conversation, they were high.
"This is the twelve bottle of anointing water which i have anionted my spirit!" Okon screamed.
"So… prof, today is your birthday...am i right?" Okon asked.
"Yes my lord!" Harry replied.
"How old are you?"
"Very old my lord!"
"That's very stupid of you!"
"Yes my lord!!" Harry nodded.
"Before you answer a question, first ofall weigh the consequence of your answers! Is that clear?" Okon held his ears.
"Yes my lord!" Harry nodded and threw a handful of weed into his mouth and chewed.
"Harry, how do you know that today is your birthday" Okon asked.
"I know na!"
"How?"
"Make una shattap! This council is not a classroom!" Peter slammed the table.
A particular call girl caught his fancy.
"Make una check out that babe for me!" Peter said.
His friends tried to focus their vision but failed woefully as they saw triple of everything.
"Peter don't walk on the sea alone!" James said, eyes closed.
"Huh?"
"Wait for the master, let him lead you on!" James kept on blabbing.
"Wetin this fool deh talk!" Harry slapped James across the face.
"Peter, who touched me?" James asked.
"James don mad!!!" Okon chuckled.
"Peter, who touched me? For i have felt the power out of me!" James said.
"Na me slap you!" Harry said.
"Go son, your faith has made thee whole!"
Peter shook his head and stood up.
"Weh you deh go?" Okon asked.
"Check out everybody's table, this table no deh complete!" Peter said.
"I am the author and finisher of your faith. I will complete the uncompleted!!" James said.
"Shayo na bastard!!!" Harry folded his hand in mock pity as he watched saliva tickle down from James' mouth.
"Why he no ko craze, no be him chop all the weed weh deh this tray?" Okon screamed.
"Mirriam, where is your ex-boyfriend, bring him here. I want to pass judgement!" James screamed.
"James my man! You see your life?" Peter folded his hands.
"Mirriam, your pregnancy is up to five years, are you still pregnant. Infection!! Holy ghost!!! Let your will be done. I am tired of my destiny!!!"
"Make we tie him mouth" Okon suggested.
"Leave am!!" Harry said.
"I wan go chyke that babe?" Peter shifted his chair and made a step.
"Harry commot leg?" Peter staggered.
"Commot which leg? My leg deh disturb you?" Harry screamed.
"Do make i pass na?" Peter kicked the air.
"See wahala oo" Harry shrugged.
"Buhari, give our girls scholarship!! They are paying too much in private church!!" Udoh screamed.
"Ohhh my guys don start to deh mad one by one. Igboh no good ooo" Harry kept his hand on his head.
"Iffa die now, make person no bury me. Make them leave me, i will rise again and die by myself!" James screamed.
"Oya go tell ya village people that one!" Okon replied.
"Destroy this temple, i will build it back in sixty years. I no be Jesus!" Udoh slammed the table and the bottles fell to the ground.
"Gosh!" Harry cursed.
"Harry today is your birthday, can you narrate an essay to your ancestors?" That was James again.
"Harry commot leg make i pass na?" Peter kept on screaming.
Okon and Harry stood up in alarm.
"Peter i no deh block your road!"
"Peter walk on the sea, don't fear!" James screamed.
As if on cue, Peter took a step and screamed.
"Save me master, I'm drowning!" Peter screamed and fell down flat.
Harry knew the situation was out of hand. He called the waitress and paid the bills.
"Wetin we ko do these idiots??" Okon held his waist and examined them.
Harry left and soon returned with a taxi man.
With combined effort, they were able to transfer the two dead souls into the car.
But when it was Peter's turn, he started screaming.
"Make una leave me oooo, the master will save me! Police catch these robbers, they wan thief my canvas ooo"
A slap from one of the bouncers saved the moment.

°•°•°•°•°•°
Teaching Hospital- Uyo

The extracorporeal membrane oxygenation machines withdrew the blood of Vera,oxygenated it, and pump it back into her body, keeping her alive—or something like it.
The Doctors were trying all their best. She was intubated in triage and managed in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) with mechanical ventilation and supportive care.
But her spirit was far away... in another realm.


Victoria sailed the boat, a humming a tune.
"Am i dead?" Vera asked.
"I don't know, but you should be!" Victoria replied and kept on humming.
"I'm still trying to come to terms with my environment!" Vera kept on staring at the strange icy river. The air she breathed was different.
"Victoria!" She called.
"Yea?"
"Who killed you?" She asked.
"You were present that day, why asking?" She shot a cold glance.
Vera trembled in fear.
"Was i?"
"You don't recall....oops sorry, this transition is kinda physiologically stressful. But you'll get your memory as time goes by!"
"I want to return back!" Vera said.
Victoria chuckled.
"Please Vicky send me back" she pleaded.
"You still wish to return to that cursed beast?" She was loosing her cool as her eyes flashed and lightening strucked.
Vera shivered in fear.
"Not that...not...that" Vera stuttered. "I wish to return to my family.... please".
"Vera, my friend, it is not in my power to grant that. I'm just a spirit like you".
She paddled the boat towards the west.
"That veil...that bridge seperates the land of the living from the dead. Your body will soon decay as its force of warmth isn't available. Once the bridge is crossed, there is no going back!" Victoria commenced her humming session.
Vera breathed in resignation.
"So what next?"
"I'm taking you to the tent!"
"The tent?" Vera asked in deep confusion.
"The tent is the home of all spirit.... You remember Taiwo?"
"Taiw...."
"Your boyfriend when we wrote NECO?"
Realization dawned on Vera.
"I met him here, remember he died of asthma few months before we got admission!"
"Yes…but why isn't he here with you to welcome me?"
Victoria laughed...her laughter sounded like a soft chirp of a sparrow.
"Why laughing?" Vera took offence.
"Ohh were you expecting a grand welcome party? Don't worry Praise and i will arrange that!"
"Praise?"
"Yea! She died shortly after her service... motor accident!"
Vera breathed hard.
The tales of woes were weakening her spirit mind.
"How did you know i was coming?"
"Ooh!! I never knew, i just went for a stroll and i sighted your spirit hovering round the veil so i rushed back to the red harbour to get a boat...."
"You still stroll?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind! You never stopped strolling in life."
"I can't also stop strolling in dead!" Victoria smiled.

"Miss! Fight this!! Dont give up!!!

Vera stood up in alarm.
"What is it?"

"Miss! Fight!! Don't give up!!!"

Vera tilted her head sidewards and covered her ears with both hands.

"Vera! Your family is outside, they are weeping, do you want to leave them?"

"Someone is screaming in my head!!!" Vera screamed.

tbc....

Adeola25:
Happy birthday to Harry. Thanks for the update

he appreciates....
thanks for viewing.

Mr.Cork, with due respects, don't derail the thread...

Episode 8
Broken 2

A dark path seperated two distinct world. A strong wind stirred up leaves which created a ruffling sound. The aura round the place was quite confusing. no humans, no animals, just ruffling sound of dried leaves.
Vera stood on a cliff, she was still in shock as she examined the strange environment. At her rear, a globe spinned slowly and before her was a dark path, more like a pit. Then after the dark path was a vast land like a desert. She recalled being mauled by her husband and then black out.
But how did she come here?
Did Smart bring her here and maybe dumped her corpse?
This place was strange. She felt her legs…she felt light.
A close study made her realize she was soaring.
"Dead?" The realization stroked her.
She felt a movement behind her and turned in shock to see a canoe being paddled towards her direction.
"Enter!" An old woman beckoned with the paddle.
"Huh?"
"You can't find rest untill we cross the bridge!"
It then dawned on her that the dark pit was a kind of bridge that looked like it was about to collapse.
"Where am i?" She found her voice.
"With time, you'll get use to it!"
"To what?"
"Your spirit has left the sand! Your spirit belongs there!" The old woman pointed at the vast land. "The underworld!"
"I'm ……d..ead?" She stuttered in disbelief.
"Enter!" The old woman said in an urgent manner.

"Vera i warned you about Smart!" The old woman said.
Vera's eyes popped open as the old woman transformed before her.
Alas! She transformed to someone she knew.
"I told you he has a hole in his heart, a hole that gradually gets deeper…ready to devour every soul!"

°•°•°•°•°
Smart scratched his jaw line in fear as he spotted the Doctor moving toward him.
"Doctor, is my wife safe?" He asked, afraid for the unknown.
"Mr.Smart, She is still in comatose and I'm not sure she'll make it. The bleeding was too heavy! She lost the babies".
"What baby?" Smart asked, his eyes wide open.
"She lost her two months pregnancy!"
Smart resumed the scratching session.
"I found leather stripes on her body, what…who did that?" The Doctor observed him.
"We got into a fight!" Smart said and grabbed the Doctor by his coat. "Please save her for me, she's all i got!"
"Mr.Smart, believe me when i tell you that we are trying our best. Her life is not in my hands!" The Doctor walked past him.
"I killed my baby?" He held himself in despair. "I'll never forgive myself if Vera dies!"

°•°•°•°•°•
♪I yam a danfo driver♪
♪shebi you be danfo driver♪

"Shattap dia! I no sabi wetin you deh sing!!" Udoh screamed at Harry.
"Mehn! Una no sabi the kind jolly were deh my mind!" Harry said with a wide grin.
"So because you jolly, person no ko hear word again?" Okon said.
The five of them were sitted in the shed.
"Today na my birthday!!!" Harry squealed.
"So you still deh celebrate birthday like say you be small pikin!" James yapped.
"You no ko close that your mouth! You wey been poo for body" Harry slammed at James.
The latter just shrugged and kept mute.
The circumstances of the previous days had humbled him.
"This evening, i ko flex all of una!" Harry kept on grinning.
"Make i hear word joor! No be say you ko fit buy person better drink!" Okon shrugged.
"You deh doubt me?" Harry stood up. "Okon, this evening you ko see drink cry!"
"No be you be dat kind person!" Peter added.
"Common shattap dia! Abi i don warn you say when big men deh t...."
"Make i hear word! You sabi how many things i don achieve for this life?" Peter said.
"Wetin you don achieve?" James asked.
"I don achieve achievement!" Peter said.
"Make una leave that man, na anointed mad man him be!" Harry said.
"Na una family mad!" Peter fired back.
"Eh! so Harry, how this night ko be now?" James asked.
"We ko enter BACO club!" Harry said."Una wicked ooo, even happy birthday una no fit winch me!"
"Ooh, happy deh day! Heaven lash plenty!" Peter said.
"Aaaamennn!" Harry replied.
"Harry, you na confirm cockroach! U for say 'i wish you the same' " Udoh corrected.
"Happy dead day to my one and only bush professor!" James hailed.
"I wish you the same!" Harry replied.
"Happy birthday to an abandon warehouse of a soul. May you see babes to continue your band of honour!" Okon said.
"oya wish your mama that one!" Harry replied.
"Harry standa make i pray for you!" Udoh got up. "Infact kneel down, let me anoint you!"
"You are not qualified to pray for me, my anointing is greater than your own!" Harry said.
"My friend shutup! Who dash you anointing?" Okon fired at Harry.
"Oya kneel!" Udoh ordered.
Harry knelt reluctantly.
Udoh rubbed his head.
"Why you deh rubb my head?" Harry said in anger.
"I want to spread the anointing through the scalp region!" Udoh said and closed his eyes.
He slapped Harry's head and sighed deeply.
"Which kind yeye play be that!" Harry said.
Udoh kept on rubbing his head and adding occasional slaps to it.
"I ko vex ooo" Harry was loosing it.
"I need to feel the holy father impactation before i accelerate into prayer!" Udoh squeezed his face and began to speak in tongues.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills, whence cometh my help. On this very day, the lord made a wasted soul to be born. And that soul was Harry.
The lord led him through trouble making, womanizing and trouble shooting.
Ah! My father my father, you made him a professor with no industrail training.
Ayaya! You made him a Bishop with no ordination.
You made him a chief among demons of men.
Lord, today was the day his mother was screaming in the labour room.
I'm hundred percent sure that his big head refused to come out of the womb in time.
Lord you made him to suck breast for over seven years. That alone describes his big head.
Today i join the host of men to appreciate the idea that a son is born and the whole village was upon his shoulder, and his name was to be called counsellor, wonderful, the everlasting he goat, the prince of piss and the lord of boobs.
He has live a legacy of a great agama lizard. And now he is about to ascend the throne of termites.
Safe journey my brother, the world wasn't an easy place. Rest in the bossom of Mirabel and rest in peace.
You have retired from life as an ordained mofo, you have lived a life of a sanctified agbero from the pit of hell. You are available for your birthday as well as dead day. You have expelled the spirit of terminal kakusa in the plate of akamu. That's why the bible says 'my kingdom is not of this world'.
Harry, your kingdom is not of this world. Your kingdom is with stems of cassava and carcass of vultures......"

"Udoh! God ko punish you!" Harry cursed.
"We will see who he will punish the most. Looking at the situation, you deserve more punishment because you were born today and as you celebrate your birthday, may your pocket be filled with all manners of things that don't concern the people who will leave and die in the threshold of divine surgery........"
"Eh don do!" Harry stood up.
"Better kneel down let this prayer invest into your system!" Udoh said with his eyes closed.
"Udoh, like i said earlier...na God in heaven ko punish you and your yeye prayers!"

tbc....

I don't know why i get banned after tagging monikers!!!
what's the solution??

mhizv:

Yes sir

mhizv:




Sorry.


I'm guilty

You are forgiven!!!
Go home and sin no more....

mhizv:

I hope Vera isn't the lady referred to as "lifeless" Would want her to meet harry again.

ahhh!!! i don't know if your wish will be granted!!!

Mehnn!
why are nairalanders so stingy with comment. A thousand and something views with less than no comments.
It will pass!!!

Episode 7

Broken!!!

Uyo, Akwaibom State

Most times, the real essence of love is determined by family. Yes, family.
But nothing could be more heartbreaking like hatred from that same family.
But most times, members…i mean family members tends to be egocentric. Not minding other people's views, beliefs. Worst still, family members are always diagnosed of egomania.
BUT, the truth if every one in a family had that feeling of egalitarianism. Every one could be on a normal slate, no one will feel threatened or abused.

Lydia exited the taxi, weak inside and bleeding. She paid the cabman and staggered to remain balanced.
She had shed enough tears to make her weak. Right now, she needed a shoulder to cry on. A shoulder to offer succor. Timi could be the right man, yes…Timi.
She paid for a public transport and soon arrived at his flat.
She paid the cyclist and forgot the change as she headed straight to his lodge. The cyclist hesitated a bit, watching her reaction.
Gosh!!! She left, left the change with him. That was pure luck, an extra change of nine hundred and fifty naira. He whistled happily and rode off lest the lady reversed her decision.

Kpom! Kpom!!

She knocked.
The door was slightly ajar, kinda strange. Timi wasn't careless.
She pushed the door slowly and went inside.
She heard shuffling of sounds from the room, her handbag dropped in shock. She moved closer to satisfy her curiosity. Timi dare not cheat on her.
The shuffling increased with a muffled groan.
Hell No!!!
She unlocked the door and barged inside the room.
Her eyes popped out wild and her phone dropped in shock.
A female butt was what she saw.
"You bastard!!!" She cursed.
Timi flinched, he left the drawer and stared in shock then suprise.
The whole room was scattered.
Lydia eyes trailed to and fro.
"Is she a white?"
"Why is she not moving?"
"This skin is not human!"

"Snap out of it!" Timi screamed. "That's a mannequin!"
She sighed in relief.
"Actually, a botique owner was appreh…………"
"Is alright!" She wasn't ready for his crime rant. Atleast he wasn't banging.
"I thought you left for Onna, how is your father……Jesus! Is he dead?" He moved closer to her and helped her to the bed.
"It is heavy to say, my Dad………"
"May his soul rest in peace……he was a str..."
"If you're done blabbing, i need to rest, why is your room in a mess?" She examined the room.
This lady was unpredictable!!!
"Ly, your Dad?" He knelt before her and looked into her eyes. He could swear she had been crying.
"What's special about him?" She fired.
He flinched a bit.
"Lydia, what's up with Dad, i mean his predicament?" He tried to explain.
"My dad is an asshole!"
"Tesema!!!" He gasped and ran a quick eye diagnosis on her. "You are drunk!!!"
"Yes i am! Drunk with hate. My family hates me, even the sperm donor sided with the enemy!" She screamed.
"Sperm donor? You're speaking in parables. You told me Dad was sick… your step, your mum sent………"
"Mind your tongue, she's not my mum!" She spat.
"Step mum?"
She nodded.
"So what's the big difference between mum and step mun? You are always difficult…" He was pissed.
"He insulted my mum?"
"Is she alive?" He rolled his eyes.
"He insulted her memory!"
He looked at her and shrugged. "Just that?"
"Look at my face, look at the marks……my step LovePeddler did it"
He examined her face closely, his face twisting into shock, suprise, confusion then concern coupled with the protective feeling.
"Why didn't i notice this before?" He thought. "You need first aid!" He sat on the bed and rubbed her back soothingly.
"Did you and……your mum…i mean your step mum. Did you guys fight over something?" He asked, somehow he felt Lydia must have pushed the woman beyond limits.
"I'm not suprised!" She sobbed. "This is not the first time, the woman treats me like shit. But I've always endured her cuz of the sperm donor of a father. But now if……" Her sobs escalated into deep tears.
Timi hugged her. "Is alright, you should just leave her for God!" He said.
His phone beeped, signalling a message.
"You see, you need to shower. I'll make noodles, or maybe you'll swallow akpu. I bought soup from an eatery!" He said and made for his phone.
"I'll just shower, i don't have apetite" She got up from the bed and moved to the shower. "And…" She turned. "This messy room needs to be arranged, i won't sleep in it like this!" She moved into the bathroom.
He nodded and fixed his eyes on the phone.
"My Dad is okay, and I'm coming tomorrow. I miss you!"
That was Bernice.
She called last week with a similar excuse to Lydia's. And now, she planned to arrive his door step tomorrow.
"What of Lydia?"
She didn't look like one who was ready to leave in a hurry.
He needed to divert Bernice.…Bernice? She wasn't a hard nut to crack. A nice lie will suffice.
He had to ask satan for an award winning lie, but first he had to delete the message.
"Are you done with the arrangement?" Lydia screamed from the bathroom.
He sprang up.
"Come and scrub my back!" She said.
Phew!!! He punced the air. This night won't be dull. Back scrubbing will no doubt lead to cunt scrubbing.
Oh! The cunt hunter!!!!

•°•°•°•°•°•
"Vera! Vera!! You chetaah!!!" Smart screamed.
Vera jerked in her sleep and jumped off the bed. "Why can't this man let me sleep in peace, i just returned from work na".
The bedroom door flanged open in force. Smart bounced into the room with her phone.
"You've been cheating on me huh?" His voice was suprisingly calm.
"What's ………" Her lips was ripped open by his fist. Blood spluttered everywhere.
Smart's eyes were burning with rage, pure rage.
She tried to speak but couldn't .
"Just look at! You spend all night chatting rubbish on whatsapp!!" He dragged her up.
"Sm…art! You are a bastard!!!" Was all she could mutter and it was enough to earn her a generous dose of punches.
Her cries literally reached the heavens and shook it every foundations.
"Who is Mr.Andy?" He barked. "He invited you for clubbing this weekend and you thought i won't find out!" He roared.
"You've been going through my chats?" She asked in a voice barely above a whisper.
"You're a bitch! He even sent you twenty thou……"
"Believe me, it is nothing. Anderson is my colleague....."
"Yes! Colleague, i knew it. That's the new code name bah?" He released his hook and withdrawed his leather belt.
"Please, trust me. I'm not cheating. I've never slept with any other guy right from birth. That Andy has been disturbing me, i told him I'm married but he won't bulge. He sent me the money for my birthday!" She rapped.
"What of Skubido?" He asked.
"My course mate? He just wanted to see me. He returned from Pakistan……"
"What of MC.Kani?"
"Mc.Kani is a lawyer, he promised a job in his chambers, but………"
"What of Handsome?"
"Handsome? He's my youth pastor!" She was getting tired of the questions.
He lashed her back with the belt.
The pain was unbearable.
"Smart?? What have i done to deserve this? You're worst than me. I labour all day to feed you, yet this is ho.......ahhhhh....nooo.....please...... i won't do it again..... i won't chat on whatsapp again.....please.....bloood.....you've killed me oooo......kill me....." She kept screaming in tears as the belt landed on her in quick succession.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Okon-Eket

Harry and his friends alighted from the taxi. James paid the cabman and they bounced into the school compound.
"King of boobs! King of tits! Woman wrapper!!!" The whole class chanted.
Harry only bowed and took his seat adjacent Mirabel.
There was no teacher in sight, and the class was rowdy.
There's a spirit behind education in class room setting.
No matter the age bracket of people in it. Student are always student. With the familiar character of noise making.
Harry decided to utilize the opportunity. He strolled towards Mirabel.
"I'm sorry!"
Silence!
"I apologize!!"
SILENCE!!
"I'm deeply in teary regret!"
SILENCE!!!
"My body and soul don break, ever since that incident. I was capitalized in boobs sacrifice so in response like a remote i Bleep up. Not really my fault, your boobs were like remote and my hand were the robots. According to physics, a machine can't reject a remote control. So, in ernest, i tender my prodigy as a prodical madman to recapasite in ending utonomy. That i will desist from being a robot, i will strive to maintain the dignity of sexation. And you will promise to be of good behaviour so that the ghost of our ancestors will represent us in elcasis!" Harry went on his knees. "Please Mirabel, forgive the bishop!"
"You are really a big……infact a bigger fool!" She sighed in disgust.
Most student who viewed the showdown raised an uproar of laughter.

"It baffles me how adult behaves like kids……but I'm not suprised!" The Principal's voice throw everyone into silent mode.
He cleared his throat. "Your G.C.E is around the corner…anyways, i am here to inform you all that, this noble institution will be electing delegates into power!"
"PDP!!!" Someone roared.
"Power Different Pawpaw!!! Someone replied.
"Silence! Must you old men joke every time? Like i said earlier……the school has created six offices and the major office is the president!, vice president, secretary, taskforce official and two commissioners!"
The whole class cheered.
"But firstly, we'll need to elect the President before we move to other offices. The election will be a general which means it will comprise of the whole school and it will be slated for tomorrow. Now name your contestant for the office of the president!!!"
"Harry……Ekpe, Ayara, Henshaw!" The Senior student kept on shouting names upon names.
"SS3! Behave!!!. Now the people mentioned should fall out!!" The Principal motioned.
Twelve men filed out.
"You people don't need wome...."
"No…no!!!……we are not interested" the female folks chorused.
"Una place deh for kitchen" someone said and immediately the females attacked the man with deadly words.
There came a shocker!!!
The women in one voice screamed.
"Mirabellllllllllllll!!!!!!!!"
She was suprised and moved to the front.
"Ok…Ok…Ok" The Principal tried to control the situation.
"Now let's see, Mathias!… …… How many of you want this able-body man to be your candidate for the elections" He paused to count. "Please raise your hands and move outside, you only nominate once!"
"7 out 95! Go to your seat!"
He repeated the process for other contestants.
"Mirabel! How many of you want this pretty lady to be your cand....."
"Me, me, me!" All the women raised their hands up.
"37out of 74!" That's half.
"Harry......"
"Bishop! Bishop!! Bishop!!! Prof!!!! Garri!!!! Lord of Boobs!!!" The class cheered and drummed the desk.
Really Harry was the man of the people.
"Allow me to talk na, How many of you wants Udeme to be……"
The principal eyes popped out.
There was a tally.
Mirabel~ 37
Harry Udeme ~37
"We need to make it general! We need the head and the vice for each contestant. So pair up". He turned to Mirabel "pair with Harry!"
She frowned her face. Pairing with the mysterious fool?
The nomination began.

Five minutes later………
"I announce to you the contestant for the office of the Presidency:
Mathias Otu -President.
Henshaw Fedrick- Vice President.

Mmapanak Ekpo- President
George Williams- Vice

Godwin Udoh- President.
Essien Inwang- Vice

Harry Udeme -President
Mirabel Ekanem- Vice President.
"Let's all move out for the whole school to see and then you will give a speech, a kind of propaganda!"
"Sound the microphone and order all student to the assembly ground".

°•°•°•°•°•°•°
Blood gushed out freely from a lifeless lady on the ground.
Her assailant stood dumbstruck.
He felt her pulse and was shocked.
He wanted to run.
To where?
He stared on in horror.
The skin of the lady on the ground was pale and was gradually turning to white. An evidence of death looming around.
He quickly unlocked the door and fled out.

°•°•°•°•°•
The students and Staffs clapped as the contestant spoke of their intentions in pushing the school forward to greater heights.
"Now, we call on Harry Udeme and his Vice to come forward and state his political ambitions!" The Vice Principal said and exited the podium.
The whole school were thrown into frenzy, as wild screams and cheers filled everywhere.
Harry held Mirabel hand but she struggled to free her hand but he whispered "no put yaself for opposition ooo"
Those words worked the magic as she remained calm as they marched on.
Wise-man- Harry breathed.
"Great old pappas and mamas"
"Great!!" They replied.
"It is my rapport and equidistance priviledge to acknowledge myself as a politician and as a living sacrifice. Firstly, i am a politician to you all and secondly, i am a living sacrifice to any butcher that want to kill somebori.
Now, i am nomination as a specimem into the administration of this sanctified bocavistic academy.
Not to realise the cosmopolustic effect of low education in our dearest national country christened Nigeria!!!"
"Woo! Woo!! Woo!!!" The student screamed and clapped.
Wise-man- Harry continued.
"But first and foremost, I'll will introduce my humble self. I am not a man with timber and caliber because i don't sell timbers and i am not a cartepillar. My name is Harry.… most of you...infact, all of you know me. I am a popular face on dstv, ait, big brother naija and all other senseless television cable. I am Harry, my friends calls me Garri because i have hope of establishing the biggest cassava empire in north-south metropolis. Pardon my big grammar, i can't reduce my standard of speaking for illiterates. So get a bible-dictionary so that you can confirm the words of the master for better understanding! Hallelujah!"
"Aaaaamennn!!" The student replied.
"I will be speaking in parables so that my enemies would not understand because right now, i can tell you that they are plotting my failure. They are fowls in vulture feathers or you can say sheeps in wolf clothings or satan in human form or demon in okrika. Beside me is my vice president, her name is Mirabel Ekanem. Now let's catapult our bodies to why we are present in this fellowship.
I want to lay before your feet: failure and success. I know the wise will pick failure and the foolish will pick success. So you have to be foolish so that we can make this journey.
Now, the political propaganda has worked out modalities in form of extensive, recapacitative or external extico to rehabilitate the functional existence in educational policy.
This school is not left out, that's why the spirit of....i don't know..... revealed to our darling principal of a man that he need to create a new government. And that is what you're seeing now.
This government is before you, the wise won't see it only the foolish will.
like i said, you need to be a fool.
Now I'll countdown the things my govt will do.
Firstly, free food.
It has narrowed to my eyesight that most conterfeit student come to school without food. They will come and yawn like sexy elephants in class. They will yawn as if they want to swallow you. So i.... sorry.... my government will put a stop to that accumulation. My government will provide food, two times a day!"
The student cheered on.
"In the morning, bread and sardine, in the noon jellof rice. Now for those of you that saw no good thing to receive from God other than elephant stomach, i pity you. For those of you with truck stomach, i pity you.
My government will eradicate poverty.
Secondly, in the area of dressing. It has also came to my notice that most old men and women haff abused dressing. You will see someone on suit with baffroom silpas. You will see someone on ankara with canvas and be looking like a mad man under analysis. Most ladies dress like porn stars and my government is deeply angry. So we'll provide branded t-shirts for student and you'll buy black cover shoes because most of you normally wear ninja boots. No more rain boots!!!
Thirdly, beer will be allowed during break. It has come to my notice that teachers have been treating us like trash, they communicate to us anyhow.

"Bishop! Bishop!!" They student kept on cheering.

tbc....

Episode 6

YAWA 2

Shame has one way in dealing with victims. James shivered on the bed, the previous incident had left him with a troubling fever.
He had over five wrappers covering his body and his wife looming over him. His friends were not left out, they were consoling the victims in their best ways.
"I ko kill that landlord!" James kept on saying, infact that was the sixteenth time.
"Sorry ooo" His friends echoed. "But we deh go school now, later we ko talk" Okon said, and they all made for the door.
"Make una no leave me na!" He cried.
"Your wife deh!" Harry added.
Mirriam only heaved. Most times, she wondered how she fell in love with a fool to the extent of marriage.
She should have listened to her father, her friends had warned her. But she refused.
Here was her husband lying on the bed, sulking like a baby denied of her favourite candy. Of a truth, she was getting fed up.

•°•°•°•°•°•
"Lunch is ready!" Vera screamed as she arranged the dishes on the table.
"Honie?" She called.
"Yes!" Smart replied in a hoarse voice, he was seriously in a task, a self-service task.
"Are you in the rest room? I'm starving!" Vera sat on the chair. She wasn't really good at waiting on a meal table.
"Give me time!" He kept stroking his dick with a vaseline coated palms, his other hand held Philip's picture.
"Philipppp!" He called in pleasure as he was almost reaching his peak.
Vera could wait, food could wait. Right now he had to cum. He had to feel like an overcomer.
He shook and leaned on the wall as he released loads of seed to the adjourning wall.
"Hmmmmm!" He breathed in relief and stepped into the bathtub.
"What's keeping you na?" She drummed the table in frustration.
"My friend eat if you want to eat!" He snapped.
"Maybe i should get a male friend for this kind of purpose" He thought.
Vera cursed under her breath. "This guy is annoying!"
She uncovered the food and dished her own share.

°•°•°•°•°•°•
Saint Stephen General hospital was quite busy, busy as any general hospital could be.
Lydia and Bernice alighted from the taxi and marched towards the hospital building.
"Wetin deh work this girls ooo" The taxi driver blared his horn in protest. "Una never pay me ma money!"
Lydia casted a cold glance on her step sister.
"Who flaged down that taxi?" Lydia asked.
"Who told you to enter?" Bernice fired in the same vein.
"You better pay that old man" Lydia said and left her.
Bernice sighed in anger and moved towards the driver, she counted the notes and handed a single five hundred naira notes to the driver.

"Hello!" Lydia greeted the nurses she met at the counter.
The nurses hummed for a reply.
"To greet una no fit, reply person greeting na wahala!" She thought as he made a contemptuous sigh.
"Please I'm looking for Mr.Umana..."
"Who are you to...."
"I'm her daughter!" She also cut her short, two could play this game.
"Bitch!!!" The nurse muttered and grabbed a large book.

"Hello nurses, I'm here to see my dad. He was transfered here, yesterday!" Bernice said with a smile but she maintained a reasonable distance from her step sister.
"Who?" One of the nurse asked.
"Mr. Umanah!" Bernice replied.
"Who....."
"Her daughter!"
"Shooooh!" The nurses almost exclaimed in unison.
The head nurse examined in shock.
"Are you ladies not here to see the same person?"
Silence!!!
"Let me in joor, I'm her, we are his daughters!" Bernice saved the situation.
"I'm his legitimate daughter!" Lydia would have non of that, she needed to prove her worth.
Bernice eyeballed her coldly.
"Family confusion!" One of the nurses shook her head.
"See all this discord is unhea......…"
"Spare me all those lectures!" Lydia waved her hands.
"Okkkay ooo! Ward 14, left wing!"
Lydia left the counter at once.
"Ok thanks!" Bernice acknowledged.

°•°•°•°•°•°•
"Class what was my decree?" Okposin the english master asked as he sighted four men hovering round the door post.
"Your degree is HND!" Okon said.
"I mean my decree concerning lateness!" The man said, obviously pissed up by the interruption.
"Your degree na HND na" Okon still pressed further.
"I've noticed the five of you in this school and your behaviour is so uncanny and your insatiable taste for voilence and disturbance is unbridled. I made a decree that once i enter this class, no man or woman should enter, isn't it?"
"Yes, eat is!" Peter replied.
"So what's your inconsequential excuse!" The man faced them.
"You think say na you sabi english pass? Deh well make i samah you better english" Harry thought. He moved forward with boldness.
"May i speak for my people, they are weary!" Harry requested.
"You are not their mouth piece, and if i may ask, what made them weary?"
"Hallelujah!" Harry said.
"Mr.man enough of your lackadaisical behaviour, go straight to the point, will you?"
"On befalf of the church, i greet you all. This morning, on a journey of rotational transgression, i came across a native alibi truncated by bombosolifacarism!"
"Oyoyo!" The class broke into a wild laugh.
But wise-man-Harry wasn't detered, he continued "in a lafigal menstaradalic obori, i cannn.………"
"Enough! Enough!! I say enough!!!" Mr. Okposin screamed.
"English don taya you to hear abi ? Aboby we die here!" Harry said.
Tears streamed down the poor teacher's face.
Obviously to him, Harry was a wasted sperm or maybe a man who was tired of life, expecting death and looking for people to go down with him.
"Go in!!!" The man said.
They all swaggered into the classroom.
"Today's class, we'll be looking at question tags! We'll ask questions and we'll answer them!"
"We'll ask questions, we'll answer them! Absurd!!!!"
"Sir i haff a question!" Udoh raised his hands.
"Yes?"
"You said that we will ask questions and we will answer them. Pls i want to ask: who are the we? " Udoh asked.
"Old man sit down! You seem to forget that you're in a school not a village meeting!"
"Far from that my lord!" Udoh shrugged.
"Are you mad?"
Udoh only nodded and sat down.
"Question tags is......."
Meanwhile, at the rear Harry was disturbing Mirabel.
"I love you na, mira, you are the rara in my life" Wise-man-Harry kept on professing. "If you can love me back, i promise i will die for you on calvary junction!"
"Make i hear word jare! When you were forming 'James bond' for me because of one ashawo girl, you didn't know!"
"Nooo that is past tense....."
"So I'm present tense now abi?" She added in sarcasm.
"Yes! even past participation!"
"Blood of Jesus! Harry, are you mad?"
"Wetin my madness come concern this love affair?"
"I told you countless times, we can't work, this relationship you're dreaming of won't work!"
"But you always love me na!" Harry was beginning to sound like a puppy.
"Just let me be, don't you dare disturb me again!" She picked her writing materials to get up but he restrained her.
"I'll report you to the teacher ooo!" Mirabel threatened.
"Iffu like report! We are adult, even sef the man cannot castigate me cuz I'm under castration!" He fired and romanced her laps.
She shivered uncontrollably. "Ha……rry stop na!" She pushed his hands off.
It seems the wise man was drunk. He let his hands slip into her bra.
"Are you mad?" She tried to pull off his hands but couldn't. The wise-man had found a dwelling place inbetween her boobs.

"You those serpentized spirit, stand up!" The teacher roared.

BUSTED!!!

Harry tried to pull out his hands but couldn't . His fingers were stucked in her bra. You know when satan wants to punish a man?
"You all a lustful spirit from the gates of hell!" Okposin was obviously mad in rage.
The whole class on seeing the scene couldn't withold their laughter.
Mirabel was already shedding tears, the wise man hands were still stucked in the bra.
"kuku commot your hands from woman breast na?" Someone screamed.
Harry with all his strength pulled out his hands but damaged the bra's hook. One part of the bra dropped and her boobs were standing firm like mount sinai.
"Sir with all manner of due respect, irrespective of the havoc that i caused, i suggest we continue this noble meeting!" Harry delivered his speech.
"Meeting kill you there!!!" Okposin screamed.
Mirabel without warning landed a very clean slap across his face, and he fell to the ground.
She packed her things and left the class in shame and rage.
The class kept cheering and screaming.
"You are not fit to be called a man!" The teacher shrugged.
"Na correct talk, i be chimpanzee!!" Harry knelt.
"You must be expelled, whether you like it or not. And I'll personally see to that!" Mr. Okposin left the class in anger.
"Breast man! Breast slayer! King of boobs!" The class cheered.

°•°•°•°•°•°
"My daughters!" Mr. Umanah smiled in delight as he sighted his daughters move in to his ward.
Both with a perfectly screwed face.
"How is your health Dad?" They asked in unison.
He tried to stand but the pains in his chest couldn't give him that opportunity.
"Sorry, sorry sorry"
"I'm not dying, not today" He gasped as he lowered his head to the pillow.
"How is mum?" He asked no one in particular.
Bernice had in mind to report the previous incident but decided against it. What her old man needed was rest, rest with a clear and stable mind.
"She's fine! She'll be joining us later she had to prepare your favourite dish, ekpangnkukwo!" Bernice dragged a stool and sat.
"Ly, what happened to your face?" He asked.
Gbam!!! The opportunity had presented itself.
Lydia, without mincing words narrated her entire ordeal.
"Liar!!!" Bernice flared. "Did you tell Dad you called mum a LovePeddler?"
"Jehovah! My wife!!" The man tried to rise again but he groaned and threw his head backward and lay still.
"You called my wife, a LovePeddler? Lydia how dare you?" The old man was loosing it.
"Dad, you just screamed at me huh? You're always against me. Your scale is never balanced when you take sides with.…………"
"Will you shattap! Your mother spoilt you!" The man roared.
Tears streamed down Lydia's face.
"What has my mum got to do with this? Dad you loved her but you're now defaming her memory!!!" She sobbed. "Look at my face, what if your precious wife blinded me? You wouldn't mind. For years I've been oppr………"
"For years, you've been playing the victim card!!" Bernice said.
"Good!!!! I'm leaving" Lydia made for the door.
"Ly come back here!" He called. "My daughter let's sett………!"
Lydia unlocked the door and slammed it.
She left despite her Dad's call.

tbc....

Ghost readers...show some love.

Sorry people for not updating....just recovered from the anti spot ban.
updates loading

Adeola25:
I couldn't stop laughing while reading the updates. So Bernice and Lydia are step -sisters, I pity officer Timi from Ekiti. And as for Vera, it's seems she isn't okay upstairs abi which kind yeye love be that. James is a funny man I swear. Thanks for the update Op. More please

Thanks for the ginger....it means a lot to me.

Hi everyone, I'm John Mfon...I've been an ardent fan of Nl literature session since 2013...and i can boldly state that Nigeria is blessed with gifted writers. I've read over a thousand projects here(completed/uncompleted)...Nl is really blessed with writers.
But one problem is the lack of motivation and it has killed the urge of many gifted writers.
But as Boss Centino said, we should keep on the good works, one day...we'll get there.
I have four works here on Nl
DESIRE 1

Captain Jack (a val story)

The Devil's Love(a tale of a rapist)

DESIRE 2 (House on Fire) currently ongoing.

°•°•°•°•°•°•
Based on the question sweet Evajael asked, picking names and locations of characters in your stories solely depends on the kind of story you wish to build.
Before a story get on paper, internally you must have prepared the basic scenes and foundation of how it'll look like.
The locations you use might be the ones you've visited or sometimes you might create your own location.

As for the characters, you know they potray the story.
Their names might not be the problem...you can choose any name. The main thing is building the character to suit the purpose created for it.
If you wish to portray a narcissist, you must make sure his actions reflect pride and egoism...every activity of such person must reflect that attitude.
So, building your characters matters.
The names could be based on the tribe...like if I'm writing about an Akwa Ibom boy, i could take: Emem, Udoh, Akpan etc...
But the character buildup is important.

I'm just a learner....

°•°•°•°•
For those of you having heartache and depressed moment...don't let the recession of this country take its toll on you....Manage life how it is, God is always near us.

DESIRE 2(House on Fire) is on the literature page to make you laugh and forget your sorrows.

Happy Sunday!!! More episodes loading

Episode 6

YAWA!!!

Onna- Akwaibom State

Lydia knocked impatiently for the fifth time on the gate. She winced and used her hands to shield the sun rays from her face but it seems not to work as her whole body heated up.
She cursed inwardly.
The previous day, she had received a call from her step-mother that her father was sick. Seven years ago, her Dad was diagnosed with severe arthritis and the ailment couldn't be properly treated as he frequently encountered life threatening bouts of sickness. Maybe, this was another.
She knocked again.
What the hell was happening.
She pulled out her phone to dial her step-mother's number then she heard the rustling sound of the inner bolt of the pedestrian gate.
Finally!!!
The gate was opened.
"I knocked for more than twenty minutes!" She stepped in.
Mrs.Mkpoikanna(her step mother) sighed in disgust and left her.
Lydia scoffed.
"You must be a fool! You purposely left me outside under the scorching sun!" She spat out. This woman was always annoying, her and her daughter.
Her step-mother turned and managed a bitter smile.
"You don't have any respect! and i won't reply a buffoon today" She moved inside the house.
Lydia sighed, nothing was about to change. They had been like cats and mice.
Right from when her Dad remarried after the death of his first wife(Lydia's Mother), the women had always been a pain in the ass.
She never even loved her right from inception, she felt insecured.
Her mum's place was about to be taken by an intruder, the woman didn't help matters, The hatred was both sided.
Lydia dusted her legs on the footmat as she moved inside the sitting room. She sighed in relief as the chill air diffused on her hot skin releasing an invisible vapour. She needed something to quench her thirst.
But first, she had to know where her Dad was? and his present predicament.

°•°•°•°•°

James yawned as he woke up from slumber, his wife was lying peacefully, snoring lightly but drenched in sweat. The room was dead hot.
Out of concern and love, he grabbed a table fan and flunged it in a to and fro movement hereby producing some cool air.
"I need AC!" He thought, he couldn't let his pregnant wife suffer again.
Mirriam stirred, and adjusted her body on the foam. Obviously, she wasn't comfortable. She grunted unconsciously as her baby kicked, maybe her sleeping posture didn't go well with the unborn child.
Her eyes popped open as she met James' sorry gaze.
She rubbed her bulging stomach.
"How you deh?" He asked.
She nodded and lay low again.
"Before next week eh, i ko buy new generator and big foam!" He counted his fingers as he spoke.
She scoffed. Old Story!!!
"You think say i deh lie?"
"Did you hear it from my lips?" She fired her's.
"I no wan make you suffer again, you too fine!" He added and rubbed her face.
"This pregnancy will soon be due, you haven't given me money to get anything for the baby. I'm just regretting why i resigned from my job!" She lamented.
"I get sure game for this week, once..."
"Abegi! Make i hear word jooor"
"You deh doubt me?"
"'I'm not!" She scoffed and turned her face to the wall.
He felt a rumbling sound in his stomach.
"Double your hustle!!!" She said.
"I get job weh i ko collect this evening, the job make die!!! Iffa finish am, i ko give you 10k" He said.
Story for the gods!!!
"Just believ...." the rumbling increase.
He remembered the soakway fees, the thought of it brought back the memory of the confrontation he had with the landlord.
"Who farted?" Mirriam held her nose, even the baby felt the heat as he bounced in protest.
"James is it you?"
He was already sweating.
"No be that igbo food weh you prepare? No be that abacha?" He protested.
Gosh!!! The room reeked of 'foreign polluted gas'. Even James covered his nose.
"This your mess will give me miscarriage ooo" She cried.
He just nodded like a fool and………
He released another fart, more powerful, more terrific. The room was filled with black smoke.
Mirriam was choking, she couldn't see anything again. James was sweating and shivering.
She tried to stand but she couldn't .
"Oh lawd if i survive this, I'll serve you forever" She prayed.
James ran out of the room, and there was peace!!!

°•°•°•°•°
"Where is Dad, i just called Dr.Abel and he told me that Dad has been transfered!" Lydia stood in the Kitchen's doorway.
Her step-mum was washing the dishes.
"Where is Dad?"
"He is in my nose, stupid girl, ebod- nkpo! You couldn't even greet, ah don blame you!" She continued her duty.
Fury built up, Lydia felt like doing something harsh to the woman before her.
"If my memory serves me well, you sent me a text about my Dad's health!" Lydia was struggling inwardly to maintain her cool.
"Why not google his wherabout!" The woman added sarcastically.
"If not that you're my father's LovePeddler, i would've beat....…"
The woman screamed like someone stung by a scorpion and turned to Lydia.
"You called me a LovePeddler?"
"And are you ready to beat me?"
"Say it again!" Her step-mother grabbed a steel paddle.
Lydia smiled.
"You're a LovePeddler!"
Lydia didn't see the weapon coming as it strucked her face hard.
She screamed in pains as the effect of the collision streamed through her facial nerves.
"Get ready to beat me now!" Lydia charged at her in rage and missed her timing.
The paddle struck her neck hard and tore her flesh.
Inspite of the pains, Lydia grabbed her and sent her teeths deep into her flesh.
Her stepmother cried in pains.

"Lydia! Stop this madness!!" Bernice rushed into the kitchen. She dragged her step sister away.
"Oh my God! Mum what happened?" Bernice asked as she spotted her mother bleeding through her neck.
"Lydia! Are you mad?" Bernice charged.
"One more word from you! and I'll ....."
"You'll do what? You'll bite her the same way you bite me huh?" Mrs. Mkpoikanna got up but her daughter restrained her.
"I know your plans, all of you, but it won't work. You want to kill my Dad the same way you killed my mum so that you'll claim his prop..."
"Shut your trap Lydia! You're always a bitter soul, always incorrigible. The very day your filthy hands...."
"She even called me a LovePeddler!" Mrs. Mkpoikanna added.
"Dad will hear of this! Beast!!" Bernice spat and led her mother out of the kitchen.
Lydia licked her lips, as she winced in pains. Her face was hurting severely. But she had a consolation, atleast she drew out blood, real blood from her step mother.
Atleast the score board will be equal.

•°•°•°•°•°•

James ran like someone being chased by spirits. He ran to the toilet located at the far end of the compound. To his utmost dismay and utter disappointment, he met the door locked with a padlock.
Oga-land never made empty threats.
He breathed hard, how was he going to maneuvere his way into the toilet.
He began a jumping session, his eyes were seeing double. He heaved and clenched his muscles tight to prevent the grand delivery of his master shit.
He was sweating, his body felt weak.
"Gosh!!! I ko die. Ah swear iffa survive this one, i no ko marry igbo woman again".
"Ewwohhh!!!!" He felt a stubborn strand trying to pop out of his anus.
"You can't win this battle!!!" He muttered inwardly and tapped his buttocks repeatedly.
His thinking faculty had shut down all what he felt was smoke.
Without knowing, he shed tears.
"Mama iku!" He called after a lady who came into the compound from the back route.
The lady was a tenant.
"Happy sunday!" He greeted.
"Today isn't sunday!!!" The woman replied.
"Na advanced greetings!" He said.
"Aaaaah!" He grunted with eyes closed as he battled with his anal muscles. He needed to restrain his strands of nuclear bomb. Releasing it outside, at this crucial moment will be a disaster.
"Please na who deh hold toilet key?" He asked, praying inwardly for a suprise answer.
"Na landlord ooo!"
"Ewoooh!" He kept his hand on his head.
An idea popped in his brain, and he broke into a race. His trouser had dropped almost to his ankle. He wore no boxers and his black hairy buttocks was open to the whole world.

"James is something wrong?" His wife on seeing his disorganized state asked.
"Everything don wrong oooo!" He grabbed a steel hammer and a screw driver and rushed out.
He prayed inwardly that Ogaland shouldn't be around.
A prayer he wasn't sure will be answered.
Landlord's apartment was directly opposite the general toilet.

°•°•°•°•°
Smart sighed in frustration, he had been watching NTA since morning on Television.
Unending News, senseless cultural documentary(s) were getting on his nerves.
Sometimes he wondered, why won't the multichoice operators leave atleast one better free channel for viewing. Why NTA?
Already the answer was vivid.
The DVD was faulty, so he had no choice but to continue 'enjoying' the hogwash on screen.
His wife wasn't back.
He thought of what to indulge himself in to whirl away time.
He wasn't a fan of social media.
A knock on the door jolted him.
"Who's there?" He asked.
"Na me!" The voice replied.
"Na who?"
"Abeg, you get wheel barrow?"
No doubt, that will be Uboho the gardener.
He moved to the door and unlocked it.
Smart gasped in delight.
"Oga smart! ko yad esit. abeg i been deh work for backyard, ame`nie wheel barrow?"
Smart stared fixedly at the huge biceps before him, naturally scrulpted. Sweat was tickling down, giving it a sexy appeal. A bulge formed beneath his trouser.
"Oga where ya mind?" The gardener screamed.
"Oooh! Wetin you ask? Oooh! I no get wheelbarrow!" He gave himself a mental knock, he thought the feelings had died. But No! It was resurfacing.
"Ok na!" The man left his presence.
Smart licked his lips in pure lust. His lascivious feeling was obvious.
He moved inside and locked the door.
"I'm married, i shouldn't be thinking about this". He paced aimlessly round the sittingroom.
His cock stood high and aloft like mountain kilamanjaro.
No doubt, he was bisexual but the picture of a well toned torso could drive him mad with lust.
He remembered Philip! He was six feet down.
Ohhh! He had his pictures somewhere.
"I could use that to self service!" He thought. "Atleast I'm not indulging in fornication, just self service, and when i jerk myself to the brim and cum, I'll be fine!".

°•°•°•°•°•°

James with all his might, smashed the padlock with the hammer.
He was loosing it, he didn't know how long he could hold it.
"Hmmmm!" He grunted, and stood in a funny way, maybe to obstruct the free passage in his anus.
"Ahhhhh!" He grunted again and knelt down and placed his head on the ground. As if doing worshipping a god.
"Abaah! James, you don turn muslim. Wetin you deh do?" A female tenant who passed by asked.
But James didn't reply, he concentrated on the task.
"Oga James!" The lady called.
He raised his head up in a slow manner and brought it down again.
"This one don craze oo" The woman said and left.
He felt relief inwardly and stood up.
He faced the padlock and continued the smashing.
"Who be that?" Landlord screamed from his room, the sound of James' handiwork had gotten to him.
He paused for a while and observed.
"I repeate myself in quosa! Who be that?"
Landlord and his strange tongues!
"I repeate myself in albania! Who is who at my toilet premises!"
James was at the verge of explosion.
"It is finished!" He cried as he couldn't refuse nature's call. A long strand dropped and all the flies got ready for food, as they hummed in joy.
Landlord screamed again.
"I repeate my self in espaniola! Who is at my shit department!"
"Kuku repeat am for hausa na! God punish the man wey lock this toilet" He cried.
A fierce battle began.
A battle between James and giant flies who wanted a first class taste of his excreta.
Bit by bit, it began dropping.
In anger, he rammed the door with the hammer.
"Wooyoo! Na you, toilet robber!" Landlord smiled.
James closed his eyes, the humiliation! He prayed for death at that hour.
But death held no fury like landlord's scorn.
"Pay rent, you no gree! Pay soakaway fee, you no gree. Now see wetin sharp-man don do. You shit for ground like small pikin, you poo for your cloth. Everybody come and see ooooo. See how fly deh throwaway salute give you. You don shame!". Landlord yapped.
James shed tears, real tears.
He suddenly found his voice.
"Landlord eh don do! Happy new year!!".
"See bastart! You deh wish me happy new year for july, walahi! Shit don collect your sense. See as you deh standa like primary one pikin!" Landlord screamed.
James began crying as other tenants tropped out to behold the scene.
The impact of the excreta pushed his trousers down, and the whole world saw his pink little cock.
"Ewooh!!! See my guy!!" Peter exclaimed.
"Peter help me na!!!" James cried.
Mirriam couldn't bear the humiliation.
Her cock was being displayed for viewing. Yes! Her cock, James cock was her cock too. But the private tool was on display. The tenant saw it, the females gigled.
"James my man!!!! See wetin you do yaself!" Ogaland jeered.
James fell to the ground.
"Go help am na!" Landlord said to Peter.
"I no fit, you no see shit for him body!" Peter shrugged.
"You deh deny your friend?" Landlord shrugged in disbelief.
"He no be my friend ooooo" Peter denied.
"Why you do your guy this kind thing na?" Landlord spread his hands apart.
"No be my guy oooo!" Peter denied the third time.
"Cock-a doodle- doo" A rooster cried.
This was getting spritual.
Peter denied Christ thrice!
And now, history repeated itself again.
Mirriam left and returned with a pail of water to clean up her fallen hero.
Peter followed her, maybe not wanting to break the bro code. But he was sure of one thing, James would have denied him more than ninety times.

tbc......

More episodes loading.......

EPISODE 5

Confusion 2


Okon- Eket.

"Good morning sleepy head!" Mirriam opened the blinds to let in sunlight into the room.
The rays hit James on his face and he squinted, used his palms to shield the rays.
"Na who you deh call sleepy head?" He muttered as he rolled off the mattress. He stretched his aching body, the bed which was supposed to serve as comfort was like a bag of pins. It sagged and lost it shape.
"Food deh?" He asked.
"Is that my good morning?" She replied.
He eyeballed her.
"It is time for morning devotion!" She grabbed her headtie.
"Which kind morning devotion?" He snapped.
Mirriam ignored him and knelt down.
"If you don't pray, i won't serve you breakfast!"
"Say wetin happen, for my house?" He flared up.
"Prayer is v......"

"In Chisos name!
Fada i thank you for the grass
I thank you for the plants
I thank you for the birds
I thank you for the animals
I thank you for the plantation
I thank you for the calamity
I thank you for the galamity
I thank you for an igbo wife!
Amen!!!!"
Mirriam stared at him in disbelief.
"I haff finish!" He shrugged and left the room.

-

"Landlord!" James hailed.
"Landservant!" The landlord replied.
"James! How many times have i call you?"
"Landlord wetin?" He asked impatiently.
"I ko pursue you commot for my house ooooo!" The man held his ears for emphasis.
"Oga land, eh too early to ask person money. I know....."
"Shattap! Madman. You don give your own share of the soakaway fee?"
James scratched his head.
"Soakaway don full! Every tenant don give money, you no wan give!" The man charged.
"Oga land, i ko vex give you!" James flared up.
"You deh vex, you wan vex give me? With the money wey you deh owe me? Five years house rent!" The man screamed.
"You wan shout make the whole world no say i deh owe you money abi?" James charged forward.
"I ko kill you!"
"You deh give me accusation abi?" James fired.
"You see that soakaway? If you no pay your own share! You no ko shit for that toilet!" The landlord left him.
"Wetin i ko carry your toilet do?" James screamed after him.
"Infact i ko stop you and your wife, una no ko shit for my toilet again!"
"Na your toilet?" James flared.
"Na my toilet! Na me get am!"
"That means na you get all the shit weh deh that toilet".
"God ko punish you!" The landlord cursed.
"That house no be you get am, na your papa house! But you deh form like say you fit buy one bag of cement!"
"My papa get house, which wan weh your papa get! Your papa weh be continental ashawo!" The landlord cursed.
"You deh call my papa ashawo? My father was a prominent man!" James fumed.
"You sabi how many house my papa don build?" The landlord halfscreamed.
James spat on the ground and left him.
"You spit for ground abi, you sabi say i senior you! I ko serve you quit notice!" Ogaland kept on screaming.
"I no fit argue with donkey! Your mouth deh smell!" James screamed.
"You deh mad! You sabi how many times i deh brush in a day?" The man kept on screaming.


James unlocked the door to his room.


"What's your problem between you and the landlord?" Mirriam asked.
"Ah swear, i ko kill that man!" James cursed and sat on a low stool.
She shrugged and left him inside, she switched on her flashlight to aid her sight in the dark corridor as she stirred the banga stew on the gas cooker. She used a small towel to grab the handle as she put off the fire.
She moved inside and dropped the pot on the locker.
She served the yam and banga stew in seperate dishes and placed it on a rubber table.
"Wetin be this?" James squeezed his face.
"Is food na!"
"This shit!" He was obviously disgusted.
"That isn't shit, that is banga stew!" She held her waist.
"What are you banging? Wetin be banga? This food weh resemble early morning madman shit!" He flared.
"James will you stop this rubbish!" She charged.
"You deh call me James abi? Na your papa be James!"
"Blood of Jesus! Is your name not James?"

"What do you mean? What kind of James are you calling me?"

She breathed.

"Na crime to marry igbo woman? Everyday banga stew, banga yam, banga bread, Achi, Abacha, Nni iji, Nni Akpu! No wonder i deh mess anyhow". James held his waist.
"So what point are you trying to make?"
"What point do you mean, what is the point! What are your melodramatic skills?" He fired.
She lowered herself to the mattress weakly.
"Have you seen the colour of my shit? My shit that use to smell like perfume is now smelling like motuary because of you!"
"Why do you like complaining?" She asked.
"You deh call me container?"
"What do you mean?"
"What do you mean is what i mean!"

She breathed.

She decided to ignore him, she took a spoon and began to eat.
"You're eating shit in my presence! You deh chop for my presence!"

SILENCE!!!

"If you deh interested for this marriage, you ko go my village ko learn how to cook akwaibom food!"
He also grabbed a spoon and began to eat.
"Your food deh taste like liquid soap!" He said.
She nodded her head in pity.
"I pity you!"
"Ahhhhh! You deh pity me? You wan pity me?" He screamed.
"You're a nagging fool!" Mirriam said.
"Na your mother you deh call that one! Common afang soup, editan, atama! You no fit cook!"
"Common NEPA bill, house rent, electronics, you no fit buy!" She replied him in the same vein.
"You think say money easy? How many your fada get!"
"Rubbish!" She sighed.

°•°•°•°•°•

Uyo- Akwaibom State

Smart tapped his legs in the toilet as he dragged in the content of the pipe and puffed out the smoke.
Vera had gone to work, that was the only opportunity he had to smoke.
He was almost running low of his substance, he needed a refill, and he needed money to get them.
He felt confused about his future, he had wasted six years in the university with no certificate to show forth. Most times he wondered why Vera still loved him.
She never knew most of his secrets.
Yeah! He had many deadly secrets.
But now, he needed money.
His wife had advised him to learn a trade or acquire a skill.
Hell No!!!, he couldn't stoop low to be someone's boy-boy.
He wanted to be a boss on his own.
He never even had any business idea.
He sighed. Maybe he would move into spare part but.........No! The thought of business made him sick in the head.
He would acquire a skill, own his own workshop.
He grunted in anger as he exhausted his pipe. He inserted the butt of the cigarette into the WC bowl and flushed it.
He moved to the kitchen and opened the pots in it and sighed in anger.
Vera didn't make breakfast for him.
The smoke bottling inside of him wasn't helping issues.
He marched to the bedroom and took his phone, he saw eight missed calls on the notification panel.
His phone rang! He swiped it.

"Vera, you'll have to choose between your job and your husband!!!" He screamed.

Vera: What do you mean?

Smart: You mean you left for work without making me breakfast?

Vera: You were asleep, i didn't want to disturb you and i just drank tea and bread. You could make yours.

Smart: I am the head of the family, before you leave the house, you have to inform me.

Vera: Abegi!

Smart: Make sure you're back before three pm.

He disconnected the call.

tbc.....

lahrra:
Thank you Op for the update. Harry is one funny guy. Hmmm, Vera i pray you don't get hurt.

Stay tuned for more....thanks for following

Episode 4 contd......

Uyo, AkwaIbom State.

Timi heard a knock on his door for the seventh time.
"Who could that be?" He thought.
He had refused to heed to the knock.
He had a nosy neighbour who took disturbance as her pastime.
"Maybe it could be her?" He ignored the knock and went back to bed.
His phone rang, he took the phone and swiped the green icon.
"Am at your door!"
His eyes popped open.
A miracle!
He rushed and unlocked the door.
Lydia stared at him for a while, pushed him out of the way and moved inside his flat.
"You thought you'll catch me with a lady" Timi said and folded his hands as he drew in heavy breath savouring Lydia's scent.
She catwalked round the sittingroom then settled on two sitter sofa.
Gosh!
Lydia was always his nemesis.
The peplet gown made no attempt to hid her features. Her figure-eight buttocks shot out proudly from the gown. Her killer hips was literally killing. Her legs, her boobs.
Hmmmm! Heaven have mercy!!
"Welcome!" That was only what he could say. He gave himself a mental knock, loosen up old boy! She's your girlfriend.
He moved towards her and pecked her on the chicks.
"You look stunning!" He complimented.
"You're stupid! Do you know that?" Lydia threw him off balance.
"I'm not stu....."
"No need defending yourself. Why did you keep me outside!"
'Here she goes again!'
"Sorry, i was in the to...."
"I don't need your excuses!" She dismissed him with a wave of hand.
She moved to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of fruit wine and a bottle of peanuts.
Timi just stood like a servant under punishment.
She opened the wine and poured a generous quantity into her glass and gulped down the content completely.
Timi breathed, and took a sit.
"You have a new girlfriend huh?" She asked mouthful of peanuts.
"I wish i have!" He nodded, anger brewing inside him.
"Am i not enough for you?"
"Your attitudes are just hell! You visited after a long while, you couldn't even reply my greetings. You marched to my kitchen, took my wine and....."
"What are you really angry at? I, not replying your greetings or taking your wine!" She asked.
"Everything! You're too arrogant!" He stamped his feet.
"And you're what?"
"Huh?"
"Describe who you are in three sentences!" She moved to the electronic stand and switched on the sound system. She grabbed an extension chord and connected her phone to the system port. She then opened her music folder and selected Beyounce tracks. She clicked on the play icon and moved back to her seat.
Timi's gaze was fixed on her ass.
Lord help me!!!
He crossed his legs.
"Yea, i asked a question!" She unbuttoned her gown and left it on her tummy revealing her sumptuous boobs in a pink bra top.
It is finished!!!
"You never checked on me, you left and made me feel like i had no body! You're a beast with no human feelings!" She spat out.
Yea she was right, since he met Bernice, he forgot about every other thing in the world.
"I'm sorry!" He pleaded.
"You're sorry? What are you sorry for?" She taunted.
He moved forward and knelt before her.
"For everything, I've been stupid" His hands roamed her bra.
"I'll always be by your side, come rain, come sun, till death do us part!" In a swift mode, he unhooked her bra.
"You just made a vow!" She gyrated to 'brown skin girl' by beyounce and Wizkid.
"And I'll stand by it!" He squeezed her boobs.
"Are you s......ashhhhhh" She threw her head backward and moaned.
He suckled on the nipples and drew the gown down to her ankle.
He silently prayed that Bernice shouldn't return at the moment.
She helped herself out of the gown while Timi unbuckled his belt releasing his weapon.
"Did you feed it?" She asked as she took the instrument and rubbed it head.
He groaned and shifted her panties to aid his entrance, he teased the vulva with his fingers till it got slippery.
Without warning, he slammed into her. She screamed in pains as her body stretched painfully to accommodate little Timi.
She bit her lips to suppress her screams as she stared at him with pleading eyes.
"Timi!" She called out in painful pleasure.
He grinned, as he continued thrusting.
She held his waist for support and threw her head backward in deep groans.
"Timiiiiiii!"
"Yea! Call my name baby!" He suckled her nipples.
In no time, she began screaming.
The perfect song for the perfect moment came up. 'Drunk in love by Beyounce and her hubby!'
Timi closed his eyes as he sailed in the ocean of delight and multiple pleasure.
What a delightful way to unite!!!

tbc....

Nairaland ghost readers association (N.G. R.A) I hail ooo

Episode 4


Confusion.


Okon-Eket

Harry and his four friends alighted from the taxi and moved in unison to the school block.
"James, you don do Mr. Etukudo assignment?" Harry asked.
But James ignored him. He was still sulking on the previous incident he had with the military men.
There was a general devotion going on at the assembly ground, so they joined the crew.
"It is time to listen to the gospel of Christ!" A senior staff said.
"And we will call on a senior student to come and deliver the gospel!"
There was mumuring in the crowd, each of the adults contemplating.
"SS3! I'm sure we have pastors among you there!" The staff examined the crowd.
Very well, Harry marched on to the podium amidst claps and scream.
"Harry the Bishop!!!" The crowd kept on screaming.
Harry felt his head on cloud nine.
"My disciples!!!" He chuckled as he waved his hand.
"Who is your disciple?" Someone screamed from the crowd.
He ignored the person and began his sermon.
"You wan preach, you no carry bible!!" Another person screamed.
"If you don't shut up! You will never shut up in life!" He cursed.
"Great Nigerian Adults!!!' He hailed.
"We are great!!!" The crowd responded.
"Great citizens!!!"
"We are great!!!" They replied.
"What do you want your bishop to talk about?"

Silence!!!

"Talk about love!" Okon screamed from the crowd.
Harry nodded.
"My people, today we won't be using bible! I ko scatter and kabash the gospel today. If you don't gain something today, you will never gain something in life. This sermon na interaction. Who knows the meaning of interaction?" He asked.
An aged lady raised her hand up.
"Yes?"
"Interaction is a conversation within both parties!!" The woman said.
"Nansense!!! Arrant nonsense. What is the future of a country where people cannot understand and undersit spoken english!" He rapped. "I ask the meaning of interaction and you are telling me conversation and party. What are you converting, are you in a party?" He folded his hands.
"Mr. Harry!" A teacher called.
"Don't add Mr. to my name, I'm still an eligibility bachelor!" He squeezed his face and faced the teacher.
"Harry, i think she's correct!" The teacher said.
"What makes you think so?" Harry asked.
"You see, judging from the oxford dictionary definition of interaction. It........."
"Don't tell me that. We are not in an english class, we are in a bible session. Give me bible definition! Who else?" Harry asked.
"Make i try!" Okon forced his way through the crowd.
"Intefrection na......"
"It is interaction not interf....."
"Na the same thing. Interacation is the anionting of a bishop in paris saint german!" Okon defined.
"Oh my god! We have an enlightenment bloody serpent in the house! Clap for him!" Harry commanded.
Few people clapped.
"If you don't clap now, you won't clap again in life!"
More clapped.
"Why are the teachers not clapping?" Harry observed.
"Clap now or I'll call angels to donate slaps to all of you!"
The teachers jeered at him.
"Clap the number of years you want to live on earth!"
"Ah-Ah! What is it with clap? My friend preach and leave that place joor!" A woman screamed at him, obviously irritated with Harry's charade.
"Shut your soakaway mouth! How dare you address the man of God?
it is women like you that made God to invent leprosy. Iffa hear your voice again I'll destroy your temple and build it back in three days time!" Harry screamed.
"Harry we are running out of time!" The staff said.
Harry turned to him.
"Who made you a time keeper in this ministry?"
"Harry! We have other things to do!" The Staff screamed.
"Like what?"
"I'll have to report you to the principal!" The Staff threatened.
"Is the principal greater than Jehovah? Is he greater than my anionting? Oh! You want the principal to knock my bald head? Does he know my spiritual cerfititicate? Go ahead and report to the principal! If you don't go ahead and report, you'll never go ahead in life!" He threatened.
The Staff marched out in anger.
The students were growing impatient.
"Let's continue. I ko use a familiar portion, a portion that has resustifarized humanity in lokotomization. Never mind, the atristic benevolence of continual vaporosis. Ornamental destruction of life and properties is consistently the downpour of calaphonic ispices. That is the gospel in tongues" Harry fired.
"Harry! You ko kill us ooo" Someone screamed.
"Who is speaking? Who are you to talk when the chief ambassador to heavenly foreign resources is speaking!" Harry kept on firing.
"Your english will kill us!" Another spoke.
"I will not kill you, my english will not kill you. If you want to die, die in your father's house!" Harry said.
One by one, the student started dispersing.
"All of you should stop moving! I say stop!! If you don't stop, you'll never stop in life.you'll keep moving until you're tired of moving and you'll continue till you reach the gates of poverty.
Look at them, they are running from the gospel. God is abazapaly disappointed. If i was dancing naked here, the women wouldn't have gone. If a woman was stripping here, those masculine males will stay to watch. But now that I'm preaching, you want to leave. You all like football more than God. But that same God will use your life to play football!" Harry swallowed hard and did the sign of the cross and left the podium.
"No! Continue to preach!" Mirabel scoffed.
"The bible says where two or three are gathered God's presence is there. The bible didn't say one!" Harry said and made to touch her.
"Common leave me! Woman-bishop!" She catwalked past him and shook her slim hips repeatedly maybe to entice Harry.
"Mr. Udeme, I've heard your report, I'll have no choice but to expel you!" The principal screamed in anger.
Harry turned slowly to the direction the old man stood.
"I am not suprised, Jesus already said it!" He shrugged.
"Did Jesus send you here to disturb?" The principal added sarcastically.
"I no been deh disturb!" He said.
"I'll call the police to...."
"To do wetin, you want the police to crucify me as they crucified Jesus?" Harry flared up.
The awestriken Principal just stared on in wonder.
"Are you saul?" Harry asked.
"What kind of foolish question is that?"
"It is only saul that persecuted the christians! You want to persecute me right? Persecute me! Mr. Saul common persecute. Where are the high-priests?" Harry kept on screaming.
The Principal nodded and sighed.
"I pity you!" He said and left.
"I will bless those who bless you, curse those who curse you and pity those who pity you! Thus saith the Lord of host" Harry said.


tbc......