₦airaland Forum

I fink I prefer the idea of pruning down to 5/7 and going straight to finals

[quote author=Mazi_Omenuko]Submission ends 12pm today; next two-and-half hours. We have 14 submissions already, awaiting the other 13 contestants.

If they don't show up, then we skip the final round and judge the submissions we have based on the published criteria and submit the results for the coordinator to compile and announce.

Thanks all for staying put.

Happy independence day.[/quote]Skip the final round?
Contestants pleeaaase don't let them do this....where's the fun if this happens

Now I know why Abu Mikey waited till 2day to post....cool story tho. Guess we should be expecting more independence stories 2day

HumbledbYGrace: I will need his permission to share it here but will let you know then ok?

Happy Independence day guys, enjoy.

Ok ma
Happy Independence Day

Ishilove: Be careful what you ask for. Ishilove will break you into unequal halves

Jes kidding

The last chic that told me that is still in HumbledByGrace Medical Centre, where doctors are trying hard to reconcile her waist to the rest of her body (I took Iyanya's song literally)

Damex333: words don't bite but it hurts most time wen said harshly rite?

I totally agree with you Damex, but I don't think that is a good-enough reason to drop out of the competition just like that.

I believe someone who runs away from doing stuff to avoid 'harsh' words will most likely end up not doing anything at all, coz trust me, 'harsh' words have a funny way of showing up almost every time you make an effort. So the earlier we learn to deal with harsh words the better.

Besides, those words, when worked upon, improve you at the end of the day.

HumbledbYGrace: Your write up brought up something, I was questioning a brother in the Lord coz I stumbled on the unmentionables(hides) so I wanted to know what them stuff were doing in his room

He told me a story of his first time buying them, I had to call him when I read your story, I hope your not him in disguise o.

I'm very sure I'm not him. The story is purely a work of fiction and none of the events narrated happened to me or anyone I know. I'd love to hear that our brother-in-the-lord's story tho

@HBG...lmao...I was expecting you to make that comment. Abeg no vex o, your name just sounded right for a medical centre.

@Ishilove....now that you know it wasn't me you saw, hope we can continue from where we left off

@t-flow...cool story

@remaining contestants....please don't take the fun out of this, drop your stories asap, the judges can only say so much.......words don't bite, criticisms won't make you go bald

Omolola1: Nuges11 is one crazy fellow,
Had a good laugh

Ishilove: Nuges!!! Oniranu jatijati . Ishilove juuuust had to be your love interest, shey? Good thing she dealt with you .

Jokes aside, your entry was very entertaining and had me laughing all through.

*in Joke Silva's voice* Welldone!!!

repogirl: nudges, great work, got me laughing from beginning till the very end. You have a special way with words, well done, I enjoyed it.

Lol...I'm glad o....although I'm keeping my fingers crossed till judgment day

PINKY SNICKETS: SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS.





I flashed a quick glance at the electronic score-board;

FCB 2:1 MCU
Aggregate: FCB 3:2 MCU

Just one more goal and we'll be through to the finals. I checked the time;

89:45:26

Damn! I knew I had to take us to the finals, Ferguson had put so much trust in me and I wasn't about to let him down, neither was I going to let United fans down.
My heart was thumping real hard and sweat was pouring down my body like I was a one-man fountain. The roar of noise coming from the fans was enough to generate electricity for the world for one decade, I was intimidated. The colours around the stadium wasn't doing much for my confidence either; blue, yellow and red drapes rose from the ground like giants and looked like they were touching the sky, and the animation effect the fans created by waving the giant drapes sent shivers
down my spine.

But I had to score. Just then, Paul Scholes sent a high-flying pass towards me at the left flank from the mid-field, I arched my back as I allowed the ball land and rest on my chest for like 5 seconds. The crowd went nuts. Gerrard Pique came dashing towards me and I skillfully tossed the ball that was still resting on my chest over his head and went around him, the look of bewilderment on his face as I turned around him forced a giggle out of me. I dashed with the ball towards the goal post, breezing past Puyol and Macherano like they weren't even there. The noise from the crowd grew in manifolds with each step I took. I was soon inside the 18-yard box with a clueless Victor Valdes scrambling towards me. I made a perfect flick on the ball and it flew right over him, towards goal. Everybody in the stands were now on their feet as all eyes followed the ball which now rose gracefully towards the net. For split-seconds the whole stadium went dead silent as if everyone was saving their breath for the roar of jubilation that was to follow.
And then......and then.....

I woke up!

Holy potatoes! How could I have woken up just before the moment of glory? I forced my eyes back shut hoping I'd at least see the ball enter the net. I was wrong. I had to open my eyes after a while when my eyelids started aching.

My eyes opened to the almost empty room. A small self-contain apartment with a mini-sized bed at one corner, a makeshift wall hanger on the wall opposite, a small chest refrigerator and some traveling boxes at the other end of the room (what more do you expect in a youth corper's room?).

The duvet I covered myself with the previous night was now lying recklessly on the floor beside the bed, the bedspread was all crumpled to one side and my pillow was nowhere within sight (I later found it in the bathroom).
I brought my wristwatch close to check time;

7:53 AM

Choi! I had to get to Omenuko Community Grammar School before 8AM to take the SS3 students mathematics. If for anything, I didn't want to have to face the principal's tongue-lashing. The only thing Mr. Mazi knew how to use better than a cane was his tongue. If tongues were guns, Mr. Mazi had an AK 47 assault rifle.

I dashed into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and then proceeded to have my bath. I found little water in the bucket so I made lather with that and scrubbed my head to my toes in a matter of microseconds. I turned on the shower and, to my greatest surprise and bewilderment, water wasn't coming out.

Mo gbe! Every square-inch of my body was covered with lather and the closest place I could get water was about 7 buildings away. I was shocked to the bone because it was unusual not to have water running. My neighbors even joked most times that the two things that will never finish in the building were mosquitoes and water (the mosquitoes would roast bush meat with your mosquito coils and use your blood to step down; baygon was their cologne).
While I was contemplating what to do next the thought of Mr. Mazi's tongue flashed across my mind. I quickly cleaned my body with my towel and ran out of the bathroom, dressed up and ran out of the house.

It took me about 10 minutes to get a bike. Mid-way into the journey the bikeman's phone rang, I warned him not to pick the call while in motion but the wind must have carried my voice in another direction.

"Hallo!" (Almost in Saka's voice).

"She don born?"

"Na boy?"

"Tanki Goodu oooooo!"

Before I could say Repogirl the bikeman made a sharp u-turn and started speeding in the direction we were coming from. All my shouts and protests which later turned to pleadings fell on deaf ears.
After about 28 minutes that looked like 28 days of driving at break-neck speed he parked in front of one maternity centre and he was gone. No apologies, nothing.

For like 3 minutes I was still sitting down on the bike trying to figure out what just happened. Then Mr. Mazi's tongue flashed again and I jolted back to reality like someone that just saw Goldie. I stopped another bike and was taken to my destination. All through the journey I was thinking about how I'd escape the principal's tongue-lashing. When I got to school I headed straight to the corpers' staff-room since it was already way past my period.
As I entered the room the faces that greeted me were not smiling at all. They were looking at me as if they were reading my obituary, some were even shaking their head and biting their fore finger.
I knew it only meant one thing; Mr. Mazi was waiting for me in his office. I turned around and headed straight to the principal's office without saying a word.

I knocked on his door, entered the office and sat down. I knew I had to hit him with my punchline before he attacked me.

"Corper Segun, I just don't understand..."

"I'm very sorry sir", I interrupted him.

"I know I came very late today sir but it wasn't entirely my fault. My neighbour mistakenly gave birth to a baby in her sleep at around 6 o'clock this morning. It was even the cry of the baby that woke her up and she called me to come and help her. So I had to rush her and the baby to the hospital sir", I spilled out as quickly as I could.

Mr. Mazi's lower jaw dropped and almost detached from his face. He stared at me like I was the 8th wonder of the world. I didn't know which one hit him more; the magnitude of the lie or the confidence with which I said it; I looked him eye ball to eye ball. Even I was shocked by what came out of my mouth because that wasn't what I was planning to say.

After what seemed like hours of him staring at me he was finally able to get his jaw back to its position.

"Just get out of my office and don't let me see you here again today", the principal said calmly, to my surprise.

I wanted to say, "Really...sir? That's all you'd say?"

But when I opened my mouth, what came out was, "I'm sorry sir, it won't happen again".

I hurried out of his office before he changed his mind. At that moment, all I wanted to do was just bury myself in my bed and sleep till the next morning. It wasn't even noon yet and the day was already turning out dramatic.
I headed straight home. As I was about to enter my compound someone called my name from behind. I recognised the voice immediately; it was Kayemjay's.

Kayemjay was my happy-go-lucky indigene neighbour, his friendly disposition earned him soft spots with everybody, especially the ladies. Nobody had ever seen him wear a gloomy face, he was always all smiles and everybody liked him.
Most people in the area called us twins because he looked pretty much like me; slim, average height, fair skin and cute face. The only difference was our personalities, me being the reserved and quiet type.

"Bros how far na", he said amidst smiles in his 'conc' warri accent as he approached me.

We shook hands when he got close enough.

"Boss mi I dey o", I replied, brandishing forced smiles, all I wanted was just to get inside my room and sleep.

"Na as I see you from far see say you dey wear the same thing I dey wear I talk say make I halla you o.....Segzy Segzy...you sha wan be like me shaa", he teased, playfully tapping my stomach with his hands.

He was right. We were putting on exactly the same colour of clothes and I hadn't noticed earlier; I was putting on a red shirt on blue jeans trousers and he had the exact same thing on.
We chatted for few more minutes before I left him and went inside.

Kayemjay had told me outside that water had been pumped into the tanks so the first thing I did when I entered was to have a second bath, after which I hugged my bed in a somnolent embrace and was fast asleep before kslib could say 'all izz well'.

I woke up late in the evening with a pang of hunger gently caressing the walls of my stomach. The series of unfortunate events that had lined up the early hours of my day had surreptitiously purged my mind of culinary thoughts. I figured I should still have soup left in my fridge because I cooked egusi the previous day, so I decided to prepare amala.
It took two bottles of iced cold tears of a cockroach, the 'joystick' of a praying mantis and the canine of a living blue whale to appease the god of foams before my bed freed me from its death grip as I sluggishly stood up. Every one of the 206 bones in my body was weak, but I had to force myself to cook and eat.

The whole process of preparing the food was extremely painstaking, I was moving about like I was under forced labour. Hot pot burnt my fingers a couple of times and a big chunk of blazing hot amala dropped on my leg while I was preparing it, the pain was simply overwhelming.
After preparing the amala I went to the fridge to get the soup so I could warm it. I opened the fridge and brought out the container I had put the soup in and, not only was it empty, it had been washed clean.

My heart broke into several tiny pieces. I checked the fridge to see if I could find alternatives and the only thing I saw was blue band margarine (even the prodigal son wouldn't have eaten amala with margarine).
I was still standing contemplating what to do when my phone rang, it was a text message. I picked up the phone which was on the bed and read the message;

Sender: Ishilove

'Segun dearie. Gimme the directions to your house I want to come now.'

I read the message four times again to be sure hunger wasn't playing tricks on me. It wasn't.

I had met Ishilove some months back at a bank, and she had been playing difficult to get since then. It had been impossible to even secure a second seeing with her even though we stayed in the same area, although we maintained a cordial 'phone relationship'.
I instantly replied her message and set to put my house in order. By now the pang of hunger that was massaging my stomach had miraculously vanished under the healing touch of the dirty thoughts that now occupied my mind.
They say no one arranges a house faster than a guy expecting a girl; in a matter of seconds I had laid my bed, neatly folded my duvet and put some finishing touches to the room. All was set for an erotic showdown. I slipped my red shirt and blue jeans trousers back on and awaited my august visitor. My day had been filled with series of disappointments, but the thought of ending the day on a romantic note consoled me. I should have known better.

Not long after, I heard a soft knock on my door. I opened the door to see a ravishingly beautiful Ishilove smiling back at me. She was indeed a beauty; light-skinned, her long flowing hair did much to accentuate her cute face, with a lovely pair of dimples sitting gracefully on her cheeks as she smiled, revealing the most perfect set of white teeth I had ever seen. She had a slim body but her curves must have been designed by a civil engineer who had keen interest for wide radius of curvature.

She hugged me and planted a kiss on my left cheek as she stepped inside. One thing soon led to another and we were, not too long after, locked in a romantic embrace, kissing and touching touchables. It first started slow but it soon got intense. She indicated her intentions by tugging at my belt and whispering something almost inaudible in my ears;

"Get a condom."

I hurriedly scrambled out of bed and made for one of the traveling boxes at the other end of the room. I reached inside for my pack of condoms and...

"What's wrong baby?", she inquired after noticing the look on my face.

I held out the pack and shook it.

"Baby its empty, I'll have to go and buy".

I didn't realise the gravity of the situation until the last words of that sentence came out of my mouth. Buy condoms? I had never bought condoms before and I had always dreaded the day I'd have to. The pack I had just exhausted was a birthday gift from my brother when I turned 18. I couldn't just picture myself standing in front of anybody, asking to buy condoms.

"Hope you won't have to go too far", her voice slapped me back into reality.

"No...yes...emm...there's a place just down the street".

"Okay please hurry".

My mind strongly objected going to buy the condoms but I found my legs leading me out of the room. Outside the room, I paused for some seconds;

"What is it gan...Segun you're an adult na, you'll just walk inside the shop and ask whoever is selling to give you a pack of condoms and you'll pay and walk out, simple. The worst that can happen is for the person to say they don't sell condoms, nobody will bite you", I soliloquized, trying to beef up my confidence.

I barged out of the compound and headed straight for the shop down the street. As I entered the shop I knew all my problems were solved. The shop was totally devoid of persons except for a woman who sat inside backing the entrance. I scanned the shop and saw a box of gold circle condoms hung at one corner.

"Good evening ma", I greeted.

"Yes!....what do you want!?", she shouted back.

The voice that conveyed her reply held no iota of friendliness. As she turned to face me, the little confidence I had managed to muster saw her face, shrieked in horror and did a moonwalk out of me.

"Emm...errr....sugar...I want to buy sugar ma...10 naira sugar".

I collected the sugar and hurried out of the store before worse things happened.

"Mehn! This isn't going to be easy", I thought to myself as I walked down the road in search of condoms.
Every other shop I came by either had loads of people inside or was manned by strong-faced women. My experience with the first woman had left a bad taste in my mouth and I wasn't ready for another scene.
I was about to turn back when I saw a shop. There was no customer in the shop and it was being run by a woman, though she looked cool and gentle. I decided to try my luck for the last time.

"Good evening ma", I said as I entered the shop.

"Good evening, what do you want to buy?"

"Ermm...ma...do you happen to sell...emm...con...emm...gold circle?".

She stared at me for some seconds before shaking her head to signify she didn't sell condoms. I was crestfallen and I turned to leave. I had not taken up to three steps when she called me back. She told me there was a medical centre not too far behind her shop and they sold condoms. It was the best news I had heard in a long time. I followed her directions, walking as briskly as I could, and was soon in front of the building. The sign post at the entrance read 'HumbledByGrace Medical Centre'. I ran inside. The first thing I saw was a show glass that had packs of condoms neatly arranged in it (who sells condoms in show glasses?). I bought two packs of durex condoms and headed home.
This time I was sprinting like there was a 1500 naira recharge card prize waiting for me at the end of the race.

I burst into my room panting, nothing had prepared me for what I saw...



An empty bed. Ishilove was gone. I stood transfixed at the same spot. What could have made her leave? As I looked around wondering what could have happened my eyes fell on a note on my fridge. I picked it up, it was written by Ishilove.

"You skinny son of a coconut. So you left me in the room and was outside talking and even playing with another girl shey? Thank God I came out for fresh air or I'd have still been waiting for you inside, you shameless orang-utan. Anyways I'm gone forever and don't ever call my number again".
I looked up, trying to fathom the content of the note. Confusion had cornered my cardiac, causing a cataclysmic catastrophe.

"Me?"

"Playing with another girl?"

"When?"

"How?"



THE END.

O boi....judges still found loopholes in miss-fibre's amazing piece?

Feel like dumping my story in an incinerator right now. Buh na lie, devil is a liar...I shall not be intimidated. Imma post post 2mao

If you wanted me to feel your pain, bros, you failed, coz I laughed like a nut head all through reading the post. In fact 30 minutes after reading I'm still laughing vigorously, and now my mum is beginning to look at me one kind. I hope she doesn't come at me with a rope

Well, after reading the first post a couple of times I had to agree that it needed a follow-up(I'm glad I did coz it paid off for me in other places).
More posts ought to have followed the second buh I kinda changed my mind.
Your comment and honest opinion is really appreciated, thanks man.

[quote author=Mazi_Omenuko]Your izi work seemed complete until you yielded to your fans pleas and decided to continue, it still passes as unfinished so I will include your name.[/quote]Moral of the story; always listen to your fans

Nuges11: I really do hope my 'How I met Izi' story doesn't count as a completed one coz I'm interestingly interested in this ........and I hope it isn't too late to get in

Mazi ooo....is it that I don't qualify?

I really do hope my 'How I met Izi' story doesn't count as a completed one coz I'm interestingly interested in this ........and I hope it isn't too late to get in

SirElaw: Wow...thumbs up man. You are fncking good. p.s dts my first curseword on NL just cudnt find a beta word.

ROTFL....now that's a funny one. Thanks again bro

Sender: UBA

By impulse I hurriedly opened the message, I pressed the enter key so hard that the track pad almost came out from the back of the phone.
It must have been the 'fog' in my eyes or hunger was starting to interfere with the proper functioning of my brain coz the text looked something like this:

A+-_"*#!?(
A//?:2XX..10X
A"":N«±^%÷.00
R><€:C¤” S»%~ /0483XXX/OAU
By:%“±=~]$•bj 13:13:55
»»»: N÷¤•¥€.09
FDBCK?CAL 012808822

I wiped my left eye with the back of my left palm and read the message again. This time I saw the letters clearly:

Alert:Credit
Acct:2XX..10X
Amt:N25,000.00
Rmks:CDB SELF /0483XXX/OAU
By:22-Aug-2013 13:13:55
Bal: N25,526.12
FDBCK?CAL 012808822

Words can't describe the feeling I felt after reading the message the third time. I could have expressed the joy in so many ways; I felt like screaming, jumping, running round the building, rolling on the floor; rather I just smiled.
If you've never had to hold your pee for hours before finally finding a place to 'do the business', then you won't fully understand how I felt.

The ATM had already timed me out and had expelled my card, so I took it out and inserted it back in. I punched in my password and as I was about going on with the procedure my phone rang. It was my brother. I picked the call and greeted him. He said he just sent me some money (if only he knew I was already in front of the ATM). I thanked him heartily and ended the call. I withdrew N10,000 and made my way to forks and fingers. As I opened the door of the restaurant a strong smell of different sweet foods hit hard at my nostrils. I've entered the restaurant umpteen times but it looked slightly different that morning. To the left was a mini stall where they sold drinks and snacks, it had two giant-sized refrigerators, a coffee dispenser and a popcorn-making machine. The far right is where you make orders and get served. The rest of the room was filled with plastic tables, each surrounded by three or four plastic chairs. Hanging from the ceiling were decorative lights of different colours. So what was different? I couldn't really place it. Maybe it was because there were only three or four people seated and eating in the restaurant, which is actually a rare sight in forks and fingers. On a normal day, you don't go there when you're 'too hungry', the sight of the long queue alone could make you lose your appetite.

I walked down and ordered my food, just the way I had imagined it, with a bottle of maltina. The lady that attended to me smiled as she listened to my order, she must have seen how hungry I was. She entered my order into the computer in front of her and printed my meal ticket. I gave her a thousand naira note and she gave me my change and my meal ticket. I then walked over to where I'll be served and gave the lady my ticket. I waited anxiously as she slowly served my meal like she was forced to work that morning. She was really slow in serving and I was getting really upset but I was too weak to complain. I had to save my last energy for carrying the plate to my seat. She finally finished serving and I took my plate to a table at the other end of the hall. I sat facing the door.

Midway into my meal the door opened and I looked up to see who was walking in. Not that I really cared though, it was more of a reflex, so I almost instantly brought my head back down to continue my meal. It took some nanoseconds for the image to register in my head. Like a spring that was loaded and released my neck threw my head back up. My hand stopped in mid-air on the way to my mouth and my lower jaw dropped so hard that it almost detached from my face.
Yes, it was Izi that walked in, but it seemed like I was laying eyes on her for the first time.
My brain was finally properly processing information and I discovered it had grossly underestimated Izi's beauty earlier. She looked way prettier.
It took much work to finally get my lower jaw in place as I continued with my meal, still watching Izi's movements. She ordered her food and got her meal served. As she looked around for the best place to seat her eyes met with mine, she smiled and started walking towards my table.

"Why do I keep running into you today", she said as she settled in the chair directly opposite mine.

"Well, today must be my lucky day", I replied.

We kept on talking while I waited for her to finish her meal. It was a nice conversation. She had all the witty answers and smiled at almost everything I said. While we were talking, almost every guy in the restaurant was looking in our direction and it made me feel somewhat uncomfortable........uncomfortable?....hell no!....I felt like I was on top of the world.
When she was done with her meal we talked for a few more minutes before walking out of the restaurant together.

Going by popular demand, I've decided to continue this story. So fasten your seat belts and enjoy the ride.
As for how often updates will be, well, I'll ask Izi and get back to you guys....and as for people who only view without dropping a comment, please repent; your comments, criticisms and suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks

SirElaw: LMFAO...Classic dude. You seriously need to continue this piece tho... doesn't just end right.

Thanks bro...........ok I will

As for what I think of the story, I think its a touching story well delivered, no doubt you're a good writer.

As for tips on how to get better, well, the only thing I can say now is you should read more and write more, it sure helps.

As an observation, I want to believe you skipped some details coz you wanted to keep the whole thing short. In your other works you might want to give more details about your 'passive' characters (an example in this case could be that your friend in class). It helps in painting bigger pictures in the mind of your readers and makes your work a little more interesting.

Wow....this is about the realest story I've read here on NL, almost broke a tear after reading the epilogue. Sorry for your loss ma'am. I'm sure Basheer would be proud of the great writer you've become.

Subscribed.......patiently awaiting more updates

Oppy16: joor o...great Ife! articulate Ife! greeeeeeeeeeeeat!
nice story.... sorry for d disappointment.... moral lesson -don't count ur chicks before they r hatched!

Greatest Ife!!!!

HumbledbYGrace: @ Op great stuff, NMH but the story and the name

yemi2plus2: I see no connection between Izi and the story.

Well, I probably should have given the story a different title, but that was the only one that came to my head as at the time of writing. Anyways, just ignore the title and enjoy the story. Thanks.