₦airaland Forum

Got the driving test invite but, I won’t be attending

***A MUST READ*** A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to him; My king, do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, no mistake. One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn't prevent his majesty from losing a finger. Furious and without showing gratitude, the King said; if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger. The servant replied; Despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong. Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant. Later, he left for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice. In the altar, the savages found out that the king didn't have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered "not complete" to be offered to the gods. On his return to the palace, he authorized the release of his servant and said; My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger I was let go. But I have a question; If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in jail? He replied; My king, if I had gone with you, I would have been sacrificed because I have no missing finger. Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong. Often we complain about life, and the negative things that happen to us, forgetting that nothing is random, and that everything has a purpose...

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.
2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a 50% chance you'll die within the next 3 years.
3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime.
4. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.
5. A person’s height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.
6. If a part of your body "falls asleep", You can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head.
7. There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing - food, attractive people and danger.
8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side.
9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor.
10. According to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years.
11. There are so many kinds of apples, that if you ate a new one every day, it would take over 20 years to try them all.
12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.
13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don’t.
14. Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking.
15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as much information as Wikipedia.
16. Our brain uses the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb!!
17. Our body gives enough heat in 30 minutes to boil 1.5 liters of water!!
18. The Ovum egg is the largest cell and the sperm is the smallest cell!!
19. Stomach acid (conc. HCl) is strong enough to dissolve razor blades!!
20. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
21. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
22. When you wake up in the morning, pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose, today.
23. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
24. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.
25. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
26. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts and things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
27. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
28. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
29. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything.
30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
31. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
32. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
33. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
34. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
35. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
36. Help the needy, Be generous! Be a 'Giver' not a 'Taker'
37. What other people think of you is none of your business.
38. Time heals everything.
39. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
40. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. Each night before you go to bed, pray to God and be thankful for what you accomplished, today. What if you woke up this morning and only had what you thanked God for yesterday? DON’T FORGET TO THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING.
43. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed. Now: Think about forwarding this to your friends to help them lead a happier and healthier life, too!

fateemah06:
sebi you don get alert

Lol, lady, free d guy nau

...

At the interview to fill the vacancy of a Field Engineer in a multinational oil company, two competent and qualified Engineers were shortlisted and the company was to decide on who to retain and who to show the red card. They asked them If they could drive and they both answered in the affirmative even though only one of them could drive. The Head of the Human Resources spearheading the interview cum pruning session then handed his car keys to them to prove their driving skills within the premises. The over-confident applicant collected the car key, opened the car, switched on the ignition, lighted it up, sped off, swirled, swerved and made some stunts on wheels before parking the car on the same spot to the seeming rousing applause and mischievously knowing smile of the interviewers. The other applicant who could not drive collected the key all the same, opened the car, opened the bonnet, checked the engine oil level, the brake fluid level, the gear oil level and the water in the radiator level. As he closed the bonnet, the chief interviewer walked towards him and said: "Don't bother driving, you've just been hired!" PRECAUTION is more powerful than EXPERTISE! The race is not for the swiftest, but to the wise! Don't be brash and over-confident. Learn the ropes and never back off from giving your best even If you don't possess what it takes. That someone is doing it fast doesn't mean he is doing it right! Direction is more important than speed! Exercise caution and take precaution in the journey of life - that's how to be recruited into the employment of success.

haywhy911:
Interviewer: what do you think about Unilorin?




*in Patrick Obahiagbon's voice* Let me say,prestisimo, as quickly as possible, the political “crinkum crankum”, if you like, the political “higi haga” that has enveloped the politics of giving aspirants admission into Unilorin for a period of time now has all the trappings of an odoriferous saga cum ‘’gagantuagaga.’’ And I am bewildered that this situation is of no serious concern to the commander- in-chief of the Federal Republic of Nigeria,President Muhammadu Buhari…”



Interviewer: So,are you saying the much awaited 2nd list is out?



Re: Oh,it is
very crystal clear
like the biblical
‘teke teke
menoyafasin.’ It is
audible to the deaf
and visible to the
blind that Unilorin has started alerting aspirants secretly.

You try!!

I was walking around when I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back, the boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'' The little boy turned to the old woman next to him, ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' She replied, ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this, 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she didn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll!'' OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said, 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' 'My mommy loves white roses.' A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine, and in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: (1) Share this (2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.

***A MUST READ*** A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to him; My king, do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, no mistake. One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn't prevent his majesty from losing a finger. Furious and without showing gratitude, the King said; if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger. The servant replied; Despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong. Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant. Later, he left for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice. In the altar, the savages found out that the king didn't have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered "not complete" to be offered to the gods. On his return to the palace, he authorized the release of his servant and said; My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger I was let go. But I have a question; If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in jail? He replied; My king, if I had gone with you, I would have been sacrificed because I have no missing finger. Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong. Often we complain about life, and the negative things that happen to us, forgetting that nothing is random, and that everything has a purpose...

#goodmorning folk

lotusflower:
Dere z obviously a second list o. Some pple said dey heard it 4rm d news dis morning dat d vc said d list wud b released,LATEST by next week. Dunno aw true it is o buh,lets keep our hopes high

Milady! You are on track....ur reliable source is genuine....

MzLarem:
shey I tell u I don't knw..iffa call u BBC nw..u'll be angry..sha Good morning.

Lol, angry for what! Wen I knw say I pass my boundary, I'm ready for anytin u throw @ me! u can even call me CNN,..#IDontCare

U 2 sha good afternoon!!

MzLarem:
'am not hands'..ar u frm ibadan..which 1 is 'hands'

Ma'am! He means 'handsome', # , idea lo ju ma!

MzLarem:
Lol..Y e no short 4 me nw?

Cuz wahala e po! ...

MzLarem:
believe me,there was/is no beef..I was enjoying his tantrums.

U sef, e tall 4 u....leave him be!

mercyda:
lmao..... Wat! Manhood lives on...?

O su mi o! Only Mama peace can explain dat,....#smh, u sef, its only d manhood part u see abi...mmm!

MzLarem:
Lmaooo..Lolzz..Dat woman throw bomb pass boko haram..lol

Now u feel me!...

MzLarem:
Lol..nothing wey she no sabi 4 english, see u.

I know, buh I don't want things like these below

Mrs Dame Patience Jonathan. Enjoy
the TOP 15 BOMBSHELL QUOTES,
1. My husband and Sambo is a good people.
2. The President was once a child and the Senators
were once a children.
3. My fellow widows.
4. A good mother takes care of his
children.
5. The people sitting before you
were once a children.
6. Yes we are all happy for the effort, it is not easy
to carry second in an International competition
like this one, (addressing press men after Female
Under- 19 FIFA World Cup).
7. The bombers who born them?
Wasn't it not a woman? They were once a children
now aadult now they are bombing women and
children making some children a widow.
8. My heart feels sorry for these children who
have become widows for loosing their parents for
one reason or another.
9. We should have love for our fellow Nigerians
irrespective of their NATIONALITY.
10. Thank God the Doctors and Nurses are
responding to treatment.
11. I rather kill myself than committing suicide.
12. Ojukwu is a great man, he
died but his manhoodlives on.
13. On behalf of 2million, I donate my family.
14. Why will boko haram bomblast churches on
christmasday, they don't have respect for Jesus,
they are a very bad person, infact I'm a sadder
woman right now and Mr. President is more
saddest
15. This HIV We all have! The only thing is that
some of us are positive while others are negative


Dats why I need intellectuals like u...sho grab?

haywhy911:
yeah,alryt.





Nutmeg0,what a funny story.

Oi, just 2 cool down d fever...

MzLarem:
Lol..ask patience jonathan nw..she go knw am.

Unfortunately! Mama Peace no b yorubalese!!!..lol

MzLarem:
Lol..oya talk ur own na.

Ah! I av no idea o, dats y I'm askin u fah! Tot u av an idea ni, for years we av been racking our brains for the meaning...even soyinka himself no get am..lol

Hilarious, Not a single bad Word used. Enjoy this dialogue with double entendre 9 pounds of gold A husband and wife were very happy over the nine pound baby boy that was born to them. Mr.Brown who could not conceal his delight, called up the editor of famous newspaper and reported that he had become the proud owner of a nine pound nugget of gold. The editor upon hearing seemingly extraordinary news, sent his star reporter to interview Mr.Brown. When reporter came, Mr.Brown was away and his wife was alone at home.... Reporter:- Does Mr.Brown live here? Mrs.Brown:- Oh! yes. Reporter:- Is he in? Mrs.Brown:- No, he went somewhere. Reporter:- Is it true that he owns nine pound nugget of gold? Mrs.Brown:- (Realising the joke) Yes! Indeed. Reporter:- Can I see the place where he found it? Mrs.Brown:- I'm afraid not because Mr.Brown objects in as much as it is strictly private. Reporter:- Is the place far? Mrs.Brown:- No, it is quite near and convenient. Reporter:- How many years has Mr.Brown been digging the hole? Mrs.Brown:- Just about two years. Reporter:- Is the hole deep? Mrs.Brown:- Quite so... Reporter:- At about what time Mr.Brown starts digging? Mrs.Brown:- Oh, he does his digging mostly at night. Reporter:- Does he work hard on it? Mrs.Brown:- You bet....and how he perspires. Reporter:- Is Mr.Brown the first to dig? Mrs.Brown:- He thought he was.... Reporter:- How do you know there was someone ahead of him? Mrs.Brown:- I'm in good position to say so, because I own the place. Reporter:- Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr.Brown? Mrs.Brown:- No, but for present he has the legal title to the site. Reporter:- Has Mr.Brown any helper when he works? Mrs.Brown:- Yes, I work under him.... Reporter:- When do you think Mr.Brown will sell the place? Mrs.Brown:- I don't think so because he enjoys working on it. Reporter:- Can I see the nine pound nugget of gold? Mrs.Brown:- Yes, certainly. (She showed him the nine pound baby boy The reporter fainted
From me 2 u,--ice bucket-- cool down ur 2nd list fever a lil..! #happyweekend

MzLarem:
Lolz..e shake eyes 4 me nd e shake nose 4 me..I sha try.

Lol..for ur mind!

MzLarem:
Lol..wat is eku in english sef..ile is sha house..eku house.

Hian# for u to decipher 'ki lo n pa e lerin' in english, emeritus ni e o! Cuz of dat I had to uncloak myself from d ghost mode! Okay, translate 'omo mi loju' and 'o yinmu simi'...please!

MzLarem:
wat is killing u laughter?

Lmfao! In fela kuti's voice.."English is nt expression",#nice, lady, plz help me translate, 'eku ile' in english abeg!

Temmi001:
Abayskia, I went through your post and by inference, it's obvious you're suffering from delusions of grandeur. Megalomania and narcissm has taken its toll on you. On their own part, contemporary psychologists opined that, if not monitored, an impending dementia would not only be unavoidable, but a reality!
@The bolded: please, before you tell me how you graduated with my dad during the 1960s, I'll love to bring to your notice that the bolded isn't an insult. It's just a mental illness you're battling with and I'll e-sisterly advise you treat it before it gets out of hand!
GideonG has achieved alot than you! He finished 2002 or so, yet his humility is out of this world. Who age dan help? Rubbish!
God bless you sir GideonG !

#wa gbayi, one bottle of Snapp reserved for u

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