₦airaland Forum

FanRong:
I'm sorry, this post is going to be a long one. But you're saving a soul if you read through and advice candidly.


My story
We've dated for 6months and we've lived together for the 6months.

On our 3rd month, I found her interesting and told her I'll like to marry her. She accepted but no engagement ring or anything to show. We just accepted by word of mouth.

Since then, I've worked towards it. I've told her to call her mum and eldest brother(dad is late) to relate my idea and understand their feeling since it won't be that easy to marry. (same state, but my people and her people are highly selective in marriage)

After several persuasion, and threat that I'll throw her out if she doesn't relate the circumstances to her family, she called the mum. And again I had to force her to call the eldest brother. She claimed she did. And that's enough. I'm ok.

Meanwhile, there's this guy(her ex) she claims helped her when she came to Lagos. It was when I started accommodating her that I found out in her chats that she was living with this guy, but lied to me she was living with her Aunt and the aunt's husband was harassing her sexually and she wants to leave. She later told me the guy, though provides for him but has never had sex with her, even when she was living in his house. These stories doesn't move me since everyone, who is not a virgin has an ex. So I forgave all that and we moved on.

She wasn't everything I need in a women, but I told myself I could train her the way I want. We continued adjusting to each others likes and dislikes.

I feed her this 6 months, provide comfortable shelter, buy her things she needs,(not want). Told her I'll do more and open a shop for her, if we get married, but she still confronts me asking why should I wait till after marriage? . I didn't allow the words move me cos Its my decision and my money and also, I'm used to gold diggers.

A good number of times, I see her as being selfish. If things doesn't benefit her, she'll not get bothered even if I'm involved.

Just this week, It became obvious to me that she argues everything I request her to do. From 24th Dec, we've been on holiday, we're always at home.
1. I'll wake her up at 9 and ask her to prepare breakfast for the family, she'll prefer to roll on the bed than do it. I'll finally have to do it myself so I can get things done and get busy.

2. I detest girls on eye lashes. I've repeatedly told her how I dislike it, but when she went to fix herself for the Christmas, she fixed the eyelashes, Contrary to my demand.

3. I got her some sneakers to upgrade her fashion style and look smarter, instead of the usual slippers and sandals she wears.
When we prepared to go to the beach few days ago, I requested her to put on the sneakers to look more fashionable, but she refused buttressing that she must wear what she wants, sandals.

4. Few days ago, we had a heated argument and she said that if I'm not happy that she's living with me, that she can go, afterall, she has somewhere to stay. I asked her to go and she immediately called that her ex bf to come to my house. I immediately swung into action, took all her belongings out, before the ex will arrive, at the same time, retrieving the items I gifted her.
While she was struggling to have her gifted items back, our neighbours heard the struggle and had to come and settle for us. She apologized and I forgave her. we were back into the house.

5. Just yesterday , we left home together, and I locked the door and I took the keys with me. We walked down the street together to the Busstop, I have almost no friend and seldomly greet. But there's this my ex girlfriend by the roadside, she saw me and yelled my name, I went to greet her and my Fiancée picked offence, left me without waiting for me. After that I chased her and told her it's nothing because I've told her everything about this ex.
Before we could get to the Busstop, she demanded for the house keys and I gave her since she might come back earlier than me.
We couldn't say bye. The anger was clear on her face and we parted ways.

After about 15mins, I got to where I wanted to make payment for the items I picked only to notice I am not with my transaction phone. I was confused where could I have kept it, the seller insisted I may not have come to his shop with the phone, and the phone rang as I called with my second phone. so I had to call my Fiancée for assistance since she's with the keys.
At first, she said she was still around the Busstop but when I told her I needed her to go home and confirm my phones whereabout, she said she can't go back that she has gone far, shouted on me and hung the phone.

I called and called and called, but she didn't pick. Many thoughts ran into me. Who took this phone? My money? , my phone? , my sim card? . I had to find my way and trekked back about 4km to the house since I had no cash with me. And finally saw the phone ringing in my house. I was relieved.

The way she shouted to me on the phone got me unbalanced, I felt she would be fire if I get this girl as a wife.

We finally traveled to our home state today and I paid the bills for the traveling. My major plan of traveling was to see her people and do the needful before I mistakenly get her pregnant. But I'm seriously contemplating of canceling this plan and throw her out come January. I need peace.

Dear nairalanders, I'm really in the middle of the deep blue sea and the devil.

I need mature and candid advice please.
Should I continue with the marriage plans or the redflags are obvious?

egobetter4me:
I know a lot of you will blame me after reading this and even want to curse me, but this is my sad story and I just want to put it out there for people to learn. Don't ever let your parents decide your partner for you. Even if you have to run away, do it.

I recently got married to an ugly, short, black, smelly, village girl. At first my uncle took me to see her, then we spoke and she came visiting. All these happened in the village.

When I went back to the city, I told my mom I wasn't interested in her any more, but she insisted I must marry her. My mom would always take my joy by telling me about the girl anytime she sees me happy. There was no breathing space. We live together and I pay the rent. I loved her so much that I could do anything for her. She once sold her wrappers/materials and jewelleries, to send me money for school fees.

Anytime she tries to talk to me about the girl, I will beg her and let her understand that young people like to marry who they truly love. I don't want her, I don't love her and I don't think I will ever will.
After all said and done, she still insisted, so I called my elder bro to come talk to her. He came in from another state and spoke with my mom for hours. She did as if she would allow me marry my choice, just for my brother to go. Immediately my brother left, she started again.

My mom has BP. She stopped using her medication and was ailing. she threatened that if she dies, that I killed her. I thought to myself, that if she truly dies, I might live with the regrets for the rest of my life. I really tried but I was defeated. I succumbed. But before marrying the girl, I spoke to her(the girl) that I don't love her and that I'm marrying her against my wish, but I guess she was desperate. She said I shouldn't worry, that the love would grow in the marriage.

We got married. She lives with me and my mom. Even my neighbours were disappointed in me, when they saw her. Church members and friends were all disappointed. I can't start narrating to them how I got here.

We are over a year gone now and she still irritates me. I so much hate to look at her. We've had sex only about 5 times or so and I have to get high to do this. I only kissed her once(at the alter and I cringed)

I cry everyday.....both at home and while hustling. I never envisaged my life to be like this. I had hoped to meet a beautiful, clean and well mannered graduate from the city. Someone I would truly love and she would love me too. I'd hoped that I would meet her, approach her and we start as friends, then lovers, then I would propose and all. I never planned for it to be like this.

I am so sad with my life. Right now, I'm thinking of applying for masters abroad and probably use the means to Japa and never come back again.

My life is so miserable!

Learn from me. Don't ever let your parents blackmail you into marrying someone you don't love. Pls don't. Just run away for months or few years and they will leave you alone.

cocolacec:
If guys set virginity as a standard for marriage,many girls will close their legs before marriage.Men sets the standards,women follow the trend.

Holamidhe:
AC still available?

Izzyreal:
25k.. can I see it

sheantip:
Location and phone number