₦airaland Forum

Kriss216:
Robert was not bad.

He only cheated once during their friendship.

which is wrong, all the while he was chasing a dream, he should have gotten a ajob

ACRIMONY

For those that have watched the movie,

Who was in the wrong side?
Who is to blame?
And who destroy everything between them?

If you have not watched it, try download and watch.
Very interesting movie but with bad ending.

I really learnt a lot, what did you learn in the Movie.

Let's share our views and learn from each other.

Thank you

Oyindamolah:

Yes, of course it is. Assuming you live in a culture that doesn't have a problem with friendships between unmarried men and women in general of course (not to say that I agree with that, just that it changes the complexion of the question significantly).

Look, we're surrounded by members of the opposite sex (or indeed, the gender we feel more physically attracted to) all the time and most of us don't feel the need to enter in to romantic relationships and/or random sex acts. Of course, if you're the exception to that particular rule then you might want to behave differently.

What you do need to do is consider your boyfriend's feelings, and what's good for your relationship. Is there a male friend you flirt with, or that you're very tactile with? Maybe tone it down a bit. Is there a male friend you confide in, and talk about personal stuff with? That sort of thing could easily undermine your relationship with your boyfriend. I think it's important to a healthy relationship that your partner is the first person you turn to to share personal things. Not the only one, necessarily, but the main one. Be careful what you choose to share with close friends (of either gender) about your relationship and about your boyfriend. Sure, this is your BFF, but is it his? Does he want your friend knowing about all the kinky shit he's in to? About some medical problem he has? What he's said to you about his family? Does he want your friend to know what you argue about, or about some nasty thing he said to you in the heat of an argument?

As with most things in life, treat your boyfriend as you'd expect him to treat you. Put yourself in his shoes- if you saw him behaving the way you behave with your male friend with an attractive female friend of his, or if you saw another woman interact with your boyfriend the way you interact with your friend, how would you feel? Jealous? Suspicious? Maybe you need to think about how you're acting.

Don't forget to consider how he actually feels about the things you do. Even if your actions pass the "how would I feel?" test, be aware that that's only a way to help you understand what his feelings might be, not a substitute for actually discussing his feelings with him. If he's uncomfortable with the way you behave and has a good reason for it, it's no good to say "well I've thought about that, and if I were in your position, I'd be fine with it". Similarly, if you know that a male friend wants to be "more than friends", it might be wise to avoid them. Spending more time with him might encourage him to think that you feel that way too, and may well make your boyfriend suspect the same.

Of course, this depends on healthy trust between the two of you. If you've shown yourself to be trustworthy in general, chances are you'll get away with a lot more flirting and touchy-feeliness (if that's how you are in general) before he objects. If you lie to him about other things, however insignificant they might seem, why should he trust you when you assure him that nothing is going on between you and your male friend? Be honest about all aspects of your life and your relationship. If either of you can't do that, you're on a hiding to nothing.

A word of warning- if you're asking this question because your boyfriend has said that you shouldn't have other male friends, be very concerned. Trying to exert control over a partner's other relationships- who they can see and when- is a potential sign of an abusive partner. Your choice of which relationships to maintain and how to conduct them should be just that- your choice. Yes, it should be tempered with consideration for your partner, but he doesn't get to tell you who you can see. If that's what's happening, get out of the relationship now.

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No more or less than marrying a girl without epilepsy. Love her the same and be flexible. If her seizures are under control, you may never even witness her have one. Medical emergencies happen to even the healthiest of individuals and marriage is “in sickness and in health.”

What you can do, is be prepared to remain calm if she does have a seizure. Depending on the severity of the seizure or her treatment plan, you may have to take her to the emergency room and sit for hours on end while it seems like nothing is happening. As someone with Crohn’s disease and epilepsy, this is something my aunt husband has had to learn how to cope with. It can be very frustrating to watch the love of your life feel vulnerable. All you can do is be patient.

Keep a list of her medicines, allergies, and conditions on hand in case of emergencies. This is important for ANYONE and helps medical providers make decisions as quickly as possible.

In the case of having a seizure, it is illegal and irresponsible to drive until cleared by a physician. Each state has its own regulations. In Tennessee, I had to wait 6 months to drive again. In Indiana, the waiting period is only 3 months. That may mean you spend more time carpooling, but that’s just more time to be together!

My NYSC experience was exciting, challenging, educative, fun laced with a little bit of boredom in between.

I served in Bayelsa state which was not too far from my state - Anambra. I also had a couple of friends from school who are from Bayelsa state (serving in far places too) so they kind of cushioned my stay there indirectly.

Camp was intense because we stayed just two weeks instead of the usual three weeks. The drills, the competitions, the crowd- corps members, NYSC officials and soldiers, and of course the mami market all provided lots of unique experiences.

I was a member of the OBS team which I think influenced my posting to Yenagoa. After camp, you are on your own. I was rejected where I was originally posted as they already had too many corps members. As God would have it, I got a better PPA at Bayelsa Newspaper Corporation which was where I wanted to be considering what I studied in school and my hobby.

The rest is f my experience were mostly exciting with the Bayelsans, their food, lifestyle and water-logged environment. Their bolee and fish is so delicious that I still salivate ay the thought of it even now.

I even got a place of secondary assignment from the state government. It was a contract job and it became the peak of my service year. I owe most of what I know about ICT and leadership and team work to that secondary assignment.

CDS was also fun and eye opening.

I however had issues with the high cost of living, lack of good accommodation and the rainy weather there.

In all, NYSC experience for me was worth all the stress and drama. As our cordinator would always tell us then, if after the service year you find yourself in another state that is not yours and you are stranded, then you were not a bonafide corpse member. That is the essence of youth service.

Top 10 best song to have sex to :-
1. All of the lights – Kayne West , Kid Cudi and Rihanna
2. Thinking Out loud – Ed Sheeran
3. Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd
4. Love , Sex , Magic – Justin Timberlake Ft. Ciara
5. Drinking from the bottle – Calvin Harris
6. Umbrella – Rihanna Ft. Jay Z
7. She Wolf - Shakira
8. Wildest Dreams – Taylor Swift
9. Tonight I’m lovin you – Enrique
10. In my head – Jason Durelo

There is nothing to be embarrassed about it. But you must prepare yourself for some extra-ordinary compromises.

The way you feel when you marry a women.

it’s depend on you the way you take it. if love is more between both then profession shouldn't matter, if profession matter then be professional.

At the end the only thing that matter when you both will grow old together is how you spend time together not what you did to survive this hard life.

People do different things depending on situation they are facing currently and have some hope but there are very few people who can really transform and take the challenges aftereffect and the courage required for the partner too.

‘very rare, people are honest and can stay honest’

It has been argued by many that marriage is long-term prostitution, wherein women are trading sex for economic security. Much like a woman of the night exchanges sexual favours in return for cash, the wife exchanges the same in exchange for the ring, the home and family.

Life is a difficult and complicated thing.

Human beings are the same, but different.

Addiction is far deeper than most people consider, even professionals trained.

As someone who has dealt with addiction all my life, I have a few opinions.

I believe the fundamental root issue with life for a human being… is… “being able to live well, and then actually living well… enough”.

That’s it. There is no more to it than that.

The trouble with addiction is the drugs aren’t good enough. I bet you weren’t expecting I’d say that, but just keep with me…

The question is… “Why is it so hard to break an addiction?” The answer is… because our bodies and mind adjust to whatever it is we are addicted to, and we adjust so well, that we come to need it, and rely on it, just to live well enough (which is our fundamental goal). And therefore, trying to “break” it can be very complicated, and hard. If it isn’t done properly, we will start to lose that feeling of “being able to, and actually living well enough”. And that is far too precious for any human being to risk losing. So we have a natural inner need to resist… that is what addiction is.

So when I said the drugs aren’t good enough, what I really mean is, the thing we are addicted to, is not healthy enough to reflect our fundamental needs.

It’s all about what we are addicted to which determines how we go about breaking it. Every single addiction is different. And every single person is different… but confusingly, also the same.

So even if it is the same substance, activity or whatever, and even if the addict has seemingly similar circumstances, the process for breaking it will be different.

It comes down to what each individual person needs to do… to find a suitable (and healthy) way (means) of “living well enough”. And then, working out a plan to accomplish it. And then, carrying it out without fucking up.

Is it getting deep enough yet? The real deep stuff happens when you are working out what you need to do to live well and healthy for you. Because everyone will be different. Some peoples “means” will be very very very deep and complicated indeed.

First of all we need to determine which things are the same and which are different. The things which are the same, are the things which the professionals know about.

Should I go on? I don’t think I will because it is just so damned complicated and will take a lot more… but I think I answered the question already even though the answer would be different for each case.

For example, why are some people successful at turning their life around and others relapse? It is because the one who failed will not have worked out their fundamental issue…. right? Well not exactly, but it’s a good place to start…

There are just so many factors to consider. Addiction is a very complex topic.

Okay, maybe I will go on a bit longer…

It is my opinion that the way addictions are dealt with at the moment is not quite good enough. The percentage of relapse is way too high, and it’s simply not working as well as it should be.

Too much emphasis is placed on the “All” rather than the individual. It is also not focused enough on the “after care’. The most important aspect to breaking an addiction or “recovery” is not the “breaking the addiction itself part’, it is “how the person should be living without the addiction part”. Sure… it is beginning to focus on this more and more, but like I said before, it needs to be a more individualized process.

At the moment there is AA, NA, everything under the sun A, rational recovery, rehabs, government funded counseling, workshops, etc… Now, don’t get me wrong, all of these things are good, and they do help. But they are all based on “us” as a “the human being”. That’s all very well and good and like I said helpful.. but it is not the most important thing. The most important thing is not being addressed sufficiently.

Again.. The most important thing when addressing an addiction issue is working out what each individual needs, to live a healthy happy life. That is the most important thing. IT NEEDS TO BE THE PRIMARY FOCUS.

It’s complicated, I need to talk about “us” the human being, so as to explain why and how it comes down to a personal “you” or “me”.

There are so many different types of addictions that we can’t really make sweeping statements that cover all. There are harmful addictions, healthy addictions, and some in between. It is the unhealthy ones we are focusing on here, and so when I say addict, I am referring to this.

It is my belief that behind every addict, is a kind of “loneliness”. Addictions develop because the person is lacking in “meaningful relationships”. Sure, they might be loved, and love others, but those relationships will either be dysfunctional, or simply not fulfilling these inner needs in meaning.

What am I talking about? Well… How would a person be so satisfied in his life, that he doesn’t even have a subconscious or conscious desire to fuel an unhealthy addiction?

The answer lies is in his relationships. His relationship with others but especially in himself.

Now this is where it gets deep and complicated. Every person will have a completely unique perspective on this, not to mention set of circumstances. This is traditionally the point where the help stops and the addict is left to his own.

At this point he may have been receiving help for a few weeks, months, or even years already. The addiction help modality people have helped him break the addiction, and given him the basic skills and knowledge to understand a lot of how addiction works in the brain and body. It’s effects on himself and on others. He may now, be well equipped to deal with his grief and even his guilt. He may have learned the skills to recognize his triggers, and what to do when they are initiated. He will know the importance of diet, sleeping habits, exercise, and even healthy relationships.

Hang on! Did I just contradict myself when I mentioned relationships? No… I am referring to a different meaning of the word.

Sure he might now understand how his addiction has skewed his relationships, and he may even have apologized, and even tried to patch them up. And sure these types of relationship issues are very important to address, and deal with. But when I referred to relationships being the fundamental issue behind addiction, I was referring to a different meaning of the word. A different level all together.

What I am talking about here, is a fundamental feeling that we need to have established deep inside of us. It is the thing which gives meaning to our lives and it is reflected in our relationships. It’s what makes us feel good about ourselves. It inspires us, and propels us to strive forwards to meet its demands. It gives us the inner confidence to take the blows, get up, and carry on. And it is profoundly rewarding.

But… what this actually is in physical terms is very difficult to pinpoint. It is different for us all, and is very likely to be the most important challenge we face in our entire life. When we can crack this nut we can quell any addiction no matter how extreme.

So, when I say relationship… I am fore-mostly referring to our relationship with ourselves. We need to feel good about ourselves, and not just good, but really good. I mean good in a way which gives us meaning and fulfillment. This means living each day in a way that makes us feel proud of ourselves. When we start living like this, and really do pull it off for real, others will start respecting us too. Our relationships will deepen, and become more meaningful. People will start looking at as for support instead of the other way around. This is what is most important… and not just for beating our addictions, but also for living our life in general. We need to stand up and be the man or the woman others and ourselves can count on. And we need to stop being the victim.

I’m sure you can now see just how difficult this can be (especially in some circumstances). But… breaking an addiction when we haven’t cracked that nut is near impossible, yet that’s exactly what we’ve been trying to do. And that’s why, that in the long term, addiction recovery has such a low success rate.

I am sure at this point some of you might be thinking… how can a person do this if they already feel shit about themselves because of their addiction? Surely you would need to beat the addiction first, and then tackle this “feeling good about yourself stuff”, right? Well… No actually… I’m afraid there is no easy answer to this, and that is one of the reasons why it’s so hard. It needs to fit in alongside hand in hand, with tackling the addiction itself… And, it needs to be the primary focus.

Man… addiction is a tricky hard cunning son of a bitch isn’t it? But when you think about it, everything I’ve said is pretty much common sense, right? I mean… most addicts become addicts in the first place because they haven’t been able to find this very thing that I have been going on about, and they feel shit about that… and addiction is just an escape so they can put it off, or not think about it… right? So it sure makes sense that it be the primary focus!

So.. here we are. That’s about as much as I know. And I guess the real reason why this hasn’t been able to be resolved, is because it is just too damned difficult… however maybe if it were promoted to the forefront, and made the number one priority focus… addiction support methodologies might start helping people more effectively.

And that is my opinion.

Final thought… I have probably been a bit hard on the support services out there these days. If I’m perfectly honest, I’d say a lot of the newer more modern services out there today probably agree with me, and they are indeed slowly but surely bringing this very thing to the forefront of their agendas.

Ask you family members an church members

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Any quick Nigerian loan that can be taken with a collateral? Land deed would be ideal.
Between Ngn300,000-Ngn500,000.
I know this isn't the right section, but this is really important.
Anyone who does, please reach out.