₦airaland Forum

1. My Dear Igbo's......It is not 2PAC
CHARCOAL,He is called 2PAC
SHAKUR!!!
2. My Dear Calabar's....Itis not
WHEEL BIRO,it's called WHEEL
BARROW.!!!
3. My Dear Yoruba's....It is not
TOOTHPASTE IDI_NLA,he is called
2FACE IDIBIA.!!!
4. My Dear Hausa's....It is not
BROWN NU DAY,it's called BRAND
NEW DAY!!!
5. My Dear Ijebu Friend's....It is
not ARROW KELLY,he is called R
KELLY..
Add yours......

benkings: dry sh1t!

No 1 begged you to comment. Ewu

One old woman enter bus from
lagos to calabar..As they began
the journey,she told the
dirver.Driver! Abeg,when we
reach Benin make u tell me o.The
driver nodded his head sayin okay! And the woman shouted in
the bus again sayin:My children!
Una hear me,everybody said
okay..In about 2hrs of their
journey,everybody in the bus
slept off but the woman never blinked her eyes nt knwin she
have never been to benin before
and doesn't knw the place
either...In about 5hrs of theire
journey,she shouted: driver! We
never reach benin? The driver answered,we don pass benin for
about 2hrs ago madam. Then the
woman started shoutin.I no go
gree o,u must carry me go back
to Benin.then everybody agreed
that d driver shud turn back.When they got to benin,the
driver madam! Oya cum down we
don reach benin.Immidiately,the
woman open her hand
bag,brought out a sachet of
panadol,took 2 tablets and swallowed it sayin: na my
daughter say make i take am if i
reach benin.Now,make we dey go
back to calabar....

A mad man at the
Aro Mental Hospital climbed a tree and
spent half day on that tree, all of a
sudden he let go of the branch and fell
straight to the ground with full force.

A doctor rushed to the scene and ask, "Sir, what's the matter with you, are you alright?"
The mad man replied:
"I DON RIPE."

The former governor reportedly died at his Ibadan residence in Oyo State around 6 p.m.

Olusegun Kokumo Agagu was born on 16 February 1948.
He was Governor of Ondo State in Nigeria from 29 May 2003 until February 2009, when a court voided his re-election as governor on account of electoral irregularities. He was replaced as governor of Ondo State by Dr. Olusegun Mimiko, his arch political rival based on a court injunction. The late ex-governor used to be a member of the ruling People's Democratic Party (PDP).

LAST RESPECT, type RIP

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000.00; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000.00" ;
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000.00 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000.00 They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Akpos was given an assignment to find out what would happen to a grasshopper after all its leg as been ripped off. Akpos couldn't do it on his own so he brought the grasshopper along with him to school.

In the teacher's presence Akpos started taking the legs out one after the other Akpos said (after removing the first leg) "Jump! Grasshopper jump!" the grasshopper jumped he did this as he removed legs and the grasshopper kept jumping upon removing the last leg akpos said again "Jump! Grasshopper jump!" but the grasshopper didn't move, the teacher who as been watching the whole drama then asked Akpos "so Akpos, what happens to a grasshopper whose legs as been ripped off?"

Akpos smiled and said "It looses IT'S ABILITY TO HEAR"

Teacher: Who can state one different between a bird and a fly?
Akpos: A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird!

Pastor: Do something crazy for the Lord!
*Akpos carries offering basket, and runs away*

During the exam, Akpos kept looking under the table, then he would write on the answer sheet. His teacher saw him doing that & thought he was copying.? When collecting the paper after the exam..

Teacher: I'm gonna minus 10 marks.

Akpos: Hiiaaa!! Why sir?

Teacher: For copying.

Akpos: How do you know that I was copying?

Teacher: I saw you looking under the table.

Akpos: *laughing* Question 9 said, STUDY THE TABLE BELOW.

. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman moves to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to Akpos who was next to her in the bus, "the driver just insulted me."

Akpos says "You go up there and give that stupid driver a big slap. Go on madam, I'll help you hold your monkey."

The students of Warri Grammar School went on excursion to Egypt. On the tomb of Pharaoh was written "1102BC".

The teacher now asked "who knows what this means?" Nobody except Akpos raised his hand but the teacher was not comfortable and pretended not to take notice of him. She then asked again and yet only Akpos' hand was still up.

So she allowed him to answer. Akpos said "Na Pharaoh BB Pin be that"

(1) One of the identical twins is born evil! 

(2) While defusing a bomb don't worry about which wire to cut, you will always choose the right one!

(3) A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up, but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound! 

(4) A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended! 

(5) If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.

OCHUKO: Akpos, why do u keep saying 'Good Morning Sir' to the mirror?
AKPOS: Last night, Ebube told me to respect myself.

There three men living together. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.
They took a walk and on approaching a restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they came up with a plan.

The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. “LISTEN MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!” the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let him leave.

Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. “HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CLOSELY. BUT I PAID YOU ALREADY!” the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let him go.

Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Wine. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, but before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him. "Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can’t understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don’t remember getting any money from them so -” Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, “OGA I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!!"

An Edo Man invited his friends for his mother's burial. After lowering the coffin, the family put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave in line with tradition. An hausa man asked why? The Edo man smiled &said, ccording to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey & need all the food items they can get".

The hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said, "when the food finish, buy more". The yoruba man dropped N50,000 and said, "add this incase it's not enough".

The Igbo man smiled and brought out his cheque book & wrote a cheque of N200,000, dropped it in the coffin & took the N150,000 notes as a change, then said, "Nwanne, withdraw when you reach dia o...It is going to be a dangerous journey we don't know how many robbers are out there and afterall we are in a cashless economy na! Travel well o!"

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. "Hi darling", he says, "your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you have said hello to them."

Picture of a PIG made front page... Na wah

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. Akpor says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same Akpor says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends Akpor out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
Akpor shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”

jhydebaba: Ask whether the devil is still playing on ur destiny cuz at this age I see no reason why u can't get a brand new car.

At this age whats his age Ewu

Forget about what people would drop on here... I would recommend only 3 people to U...

1, inspired
2, sienna
3, Chelseabmw

U would not regret my advise... Never...

When U say Big brother Africa do you mean Aso Rock? If yes... Is Nando a minister there?

How much for the pot

An American, a Japanese, and a Nigerian were sitting naked in the sauna.
Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The American
presses his forearm and The beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager,"
he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

$A few minutes later a cell phone rings. The Japanese
lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he
explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a
microchip in my hand."

The Nigerian, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as
impressive. He steps Out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of Toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their
eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?"

"I'm getting a Fax"

a lagos boy who wanted
to study economics was
asked to list four
markets and their
characteristics in WAEC. he answered:
1.Balogun market: where
provisions and clothes
could be bought.
2.Computer village:
where computer accessories can be
bought.
3.china town: where you
can get chinese stuffs.
4. Oshodi market:world
trade center of nigeria, and if you are not
careful you could be
bought too.
by aboki.

EXAMPLE IN CLASS: 2X2=4..
CLASSWORK:2X2X2=8..
HOMEWORK: 2X2X2X2=16..
EXAM: 2X2X2±4(5X16X¼O½-2X48^2....

TEEEEEEEEAAACHERS!!!!

la furia: Nysc should stop posting corpers to the north

WTF

A man and his wife quarreled and had a fight. After the fight, the wife went into the bedroom. A few minutes later, the husband also trooped into the bedroom and only to find the wife busy packing her suitcase.
He asked "You are packing! Where are you going??"
She answered…" To my mother!"

The man paused for a while and also got his big brown pure leather suitcase and started packing his clothes.

The wife angrily stared at him and said "You are packing! Where are you going?"
He replied " Oh ya! I am going to my mother!"
The wife… “To your mother! And what about the children! Who is going to look after them?"

The man… “You are going to your mother! Fine - I am also going to my mother. The children also should go to their mother"

Emeka had an accident with his new BMW X6. He manage 2 get up and called a police officer and said:
"this man just came and smash off my BMW. My 6 million naira car
is now condemned".
The police officer shook his head in amazement and said: "you Igbos are so materialistic. You didn't even realize that your hand had been cut off".
Emeka looked at his amputated hand and screamed:
"Chineke meee, where is my gold
wrist watch?" IGBO KWENU...