Years ago, while reading through a page created to be a safe space where married people can let out their frustrations and get possible solutions to their marital problems, I read the story of Hannah (not real name) who was torn between leaving her marriage of many years or keep trying to save it.

After many years and about three children, Hannah’s husband had come home one day to say he wanted them to spice up their sexual life. They had done many styles and he wanted to try anal sex. Hannah was shocked and bluntly refused; how would she let his penis slide down her butt hole? She couldn’t even imagine it. After pestering her for a while, Hannah’s husband threatened to cheat on her and she called his bluff.

Several weeks later and Hannah’s husband was already enjoying anal s*x – but not with her.

When Hannah saw the lady he was cheating with, she got scared. According to Hannah, the lady was very beautiful, had a banging body, and looked like someone “who could give a man whatever he wanted.” That was all it took for Hannah to agree to have anal s*x with her husband.

It wasn’t an easy one, Hannah wrote that her husband was rough, the experience was painful and she bled so much she got scared. After that experience, she refused to continue, and again, her husband began to cheat. She gave in again, bled again, refused to continue again and her husband became a blatant cheat – having sex with different women and even bringing some to their home. Worse, he stopped having s*x with her.

Hannah is not the only person with this problem. Mrs. Chibudo (not real name) while talking about s*x in marriage once said she gave her husband the go-ahead to have s*x with other women. Surprised, I asked why, and she responded with “he’s too rough and he loves to have s*x like a porn star, it’s better he does it outside before he kills me in bed.”

Asides from being rough in bed, Mrs. Chibudo believes that there should be boundaries when it comes to sexual actions, even as a married couple. Being the religious person that she is, acts like pegging, anal, BDSM, and certain sex styles are things she cannot be involved in, and since the husband – who is not religious and is not bound by her religious beliefs – so wants it, let him “kukuma get it outside, abi? After all, he has been cheating since and I know.”

Many couples who try to spice their sexual lives up have been faced with varying challenges. What if the wife wants them to try something new and the husband isn’t just interested? What if one partner sees certain sexual positions as dirty and unclean and the other does not? Tayo loves to have s*x as often as he can but his wife believes it is only jobless men who have sex five times a week, so she set up a timetable for sexual activities. Ada loves oral s*x so much and would want to go down on her husband but he claims it is only wayward women who do such. Adamu loves the butter churner s*x position but his wife says she cannot break her spine because of lovemaking.

When it comes to s*x in marriages, are there unspoken boundaries? Should there be? Is there any sexual act that is termed dirty or reserved for pornstars? I have heard a lot of men say that they wouldn’t try certain sexual acts with their wives “out of respect.” What respect? Who else would you want to go dirty on or try new things with if it isn’t the one you’ve vowed to spend the rest of your life with?

People would advise that before marriage, both partners should ensure they are sexually compatible. This does not necessarily mean you must have s*x before marriage, especially if you are both religious, it only means that it is expected that couples must have discussed extensively before tying the knot. Still, what if, like Hannah’s husband, one’s partner suddenly comes up with something new – one that the other partner is not willing to try?

Personally, I believe there should be no boundaries to sexual actions in marriages. You’re going to be together for so many years and it is normal to try out different things to spice up their s*x life. But still, what if one partner wants to tie the other to the ceiling while flogging and pounding and the other isn’t up for that? What if one person wants to have sex at 3 AM and the other enjoys sleep too much to sacrifice that? What then happens? The only thing I can think of is that love does not insist on its own way. When it comes to s*x, couples have to meet each other halfway.

To me, whatever the married couple consents to do between themselves is fine and beautiful as long as they both are into it. By “consent” I don’t mean one being coerced to do things they consider shameful or painful for the sake of their spouse.

The truth is a lot of women are more adventurous than their husbands. So if I’m into certain things and he’s into very vanilla standard styles, I can encourage him to try new things but some stuff he will never be into and I’d have to learn to be ok with that. Anyway, I wouldn’t want him to be doing things that he is finding studying or uncomfortable.

Marriage is about compromise. So if BDSM is such a part of your life it is only fair to find a spouse who shares that lifestyle. Otherwise it’s something you will have to put aside for the sake of your marriage. If I suddenly decide I want to try anal and my husband does not of course there is no excuse for me to go out and find a guy to do that with me. I would need to put that aside and enjoy my husband for what he is willing to do and try.

Couples should try to remain open-minded and be willing to step a bit out of their comfort zone for their spouse. But the more adventurous spouse should also realize that coercing and pressuring their spouse to participate in a different kind of sex is not healthy or ok. Everything should be done in love.

There are boundaries. Consent or no consent.


Anal sex is a sign of mental disorder. What are you digging in a hole for faeces?

spicing things up is good, a partner should have the interest of the next person at heart and do all he/she could to please the other. it means if a partner wants it differently the other should try to do it but the request must not be dehumanising.
If one have a partner that he/she know cannot handle pain, them should partner shouldn't be asking for what will cause or bring pain to the partner no matter how he/she love it.
understanding, compromise and sacrifices....

McSquishi:


The truth is a lot of women are more adventurous than their husbands. .

Hmmmm, certainly not in Africa. Here that majority of women find it very hard to ask their husbands for sex, just sex oooo.

Depend on the mood....

Make I know talk too much

culf:



Hmmmm, certainly not in Africa. Here that majority of women find it very hard to ask their husbands for sex, just sex oooo.

Hmm, maybe that’s because of the conservative culture, right?!!. Women are shamed for liking sex too much and if she starts asking her husband to do all these acrobatic and new things she’s probably afraid he’d judge her?

Maybe they don’t ask because sex with the husbands isn’t enjoyable

I guess that because African men are usually conservative lovers in comparison to their counterparts in the Western world.... and many don’t really understand the female body or that sex is meant to be enjoyed by women as well. When someone doesn’t know how to please you or isn’t concerned with pleasing you it can make sex an unpleasant experience.

Within marriage, , no position is unholy or dirty... how is it even logical to tag a position as unholy? LOL

And I think anything is fine, too... as long as there aren't health implications. Y'all can hang from the fan or the window burglary if you so please.

Anal issa no-no!

The first lady's husband is simply manipulative. He wants anal. He should be fcking himself nau.

I can be adventurous in bed, can be innovative in different styles with my future hubby..

Buh that Anal Sex, Count me out.If that will make him cheat on me...He is frree to..

HajiaNotu:
I can be adventurous in bed, can be innovative in different styles with my future hubby..

Buh that Anal Sex, Count me out.If that will make him cheat on me...He is frree to..

Is anything wrong about it?

McSquishi:
To me, whatever the married couple consents to do between themselves is fine and beautiful as long as they both are into it. By “consent” I don’t mean one being coerced to do things they consider shameful or painful for the sake of their spouse.

The truth is a lot of women are more adventurous than their husbands. So if I’m into certain things and he’s into very vanilla standard styles, I can encourage him to try new things but some stuff he will never be into and I’d have to learn to be ok with that. Anyway, I wouldn’t want him to be doing things that he is finding studying or uncomfortable.

Marriage is about compromise. So if BDSM is such a part of your life it is only fair to find a spouse who shares that lifestyle. Otherwise it’s something you will have to put aside for the sake of your marriage. If I suddenly decide I want to try anal and my husband does not of course there is no excuse for me to go out and find a guy to do that with me. I would need to put that aside and enjoy my husband for what he is willing to do and try.

Couples should try to remain open-minded and be willing to step a bit out of their comfort zone for their spouse. But the more adventurous spouse should also realize that coercing and pressuring their spouse to participate in a different kind of sex is not healthy or ok. Everything should be done in love.

I love your reply. You are indeed a wise girl.

That is why sexual chemistry between partners should be learned and practice before marriage.

The mistake most people think about the laws of attraction and most especially sexual chemistry between couples is that they believe it will grow on them and they will adapt to it making it difficult for them along the way.

That's why conversation about it should be communicated often and try to understand what both of you are into.

The goal is to make your marriage as happy, peaceful and comfortable for you and your family.

light099:


Is anything wrong about it?

There are tiny blood vessels in the anal region that can get bruised easily during the act..Now what do I gain in bleeding down there cos of 5mins enjoyment( if thers any enjoyment tho)

McSquishi:


Hmm, maybe that’s because of the conservative culture, right?!!. Women are shamed for liking sex too much and if she starts asking her husband to do all these acrobatic and new things she’s probably afraid he’d judge her?

Maybe they don’t ask because sex with the husbands isn’t enjoyable

I guess that because African men are usually conservative lovers in comparison to their counterparts in the Western world.... and many don’t really understand the female body or that sex is meant to be enjoyed by women as well. When someone doesn’t know how to please you or isn’t concerned with pleasing you it can make sex an unpleasant experience.

probably culture or maybe their orientation. It may also be because a lot of ladies marry men far older than then, whatever the reason is, its bad. Why should a woman be afraid of her husband judging her, it doesn't make sense.

you may be right, they might not ask because sex with the partner is not enjoyable and the partner is rigid not willing to find ways to give her pleasure.

African men are far from being conservative. True is, most of these things they don't do with wives at home, they do them outside. African men are far more adventurous than the women.

culf:



probably culture or maybe their orientation. It may also be because a lot of ladies marry men far older than then, whatever the reason is, its bad. Why should a woman be afraid of her husband judging her, it doesn't make sense.

you may be right, they might not ask because sex with the partner is not enjoyable and the partner is rigid not willing to find ways to give her pleasure.

African men are far from being conservative. True is, most of these things they don't do with wives at home, they do them outside. African men are far more adventurous than the women.

Well from the perspective of women in the West, African men are conservative. Maybe in comparison to your female counterparts you’re not. But from my experience in African/Nigerian groups like this one whenever an African woman expresses herself at all sexually or even dresses somewhat sexy she is shamed by the males in the society. Men might be more adventurous than the women they marry but only because the women have learned to repress their sexual desires... I’m guessing.

You’re right though, it’s a terrible marriage if you can’t tell your partner what you like in bed. but communicating is one of the most difficult things to get right in relationships, and communicating about sex can be even harder.

HajiaNotu:
There are tiny blood vessels in the anal region that can get bruised easily during the act..Now what do I gain in bleeding down there cos of 5mins enjoyment( if thers any enjoyment tho)

I thought there are tiny blood vessels all over the body or aren't they? Same with pssy.
About bleeding, well, there's always a first time in sex, either pussy or anal which might be bloody. Even if first pssy sex was meant to be bloody, anal sex may be less. It all depends on the handler. Only a donkey of a man, dives into a first timer's ass and starts hitting like a truck. Any man who thinks better than a cow would know that first time is expected to be slow and patient. First time is for making a path for subsequent free passage.
As for the pleasure, a woman is programmed to have pleasure by being penetrated in an opening. Another opening almost the same spot with the main opening should not be an exception.

Well, I never said anal sex is good or bad. Only debunking the myths.

light099:


I thought there are tiny blood vessels all over the body or aren't they? Same with pssy.
About bleeding, well, there's always a first time in sex, either pussy or anal which might be bloody. Even if first pssy sex was meant to be bloody, anal sex may be less. It all depends on the handler. Only a donkey of a man, dives into a first timer's ass and starts hitting like a truck. Any man who thinks better than a cow would know that first time is expected to be slow and patient. First time is for making a path for subsequent free passage.
As for the pleasure, a woman is programmed to have pleasure by being penetrated in a opening. Another opening almost the same spot with the main opening should not be an exception.

Well, I never said anal sex is good or bad. Only debunking the myths.

Last I checked ,You aint the OP neither are you my Future Hubby..Why all these sermon ?.
I dont need it pls.
Preach on to your wife/gf...
I am entitled to my opinions, lets leave it like that!!!
Peace...(Dont quote me again)

HajiaNotu:

Last I checked ,You aint the OP neither are you my Future Hubby..Why all these sermon ?.
I dont need it pls.
Preach on to your wife/gf...
I am entitled to my opinions, lets leave it like that!!!
Peace...(Dont quote me again)

Like I said, only debunking the myths. That's why I asked your reason against anal sex initially before going further. That's the only thing that ensued here so far. Just you, I and facts about anal sex.
By the way, perhaps you should start oiling your tight hajia ass, as from now, your future Mallam is likely going to hit like a truck. My two cents.

light099:


Like I said, only debunking the myths. That's why I asked your reason against anal sex initially before going further. That's the only thing that ensued here so far. Just you, I and facts about anal sex.
By the way, perhaps you should start oiling your tight hajia ass, as from now, your future Mallam is likely going to hit like a truck. My two cents.

Who are YOU to ask my reason against anal sex?
Anyways my time is more precious to me than responding to an UNFORTUNATE,NE'ER- DO -WELL, slowpoke like you.
Go f*ck shit Dumb*ss....

HajiaNotu:


Who are YOU to ask my reason against anal sex?
Anyways my time is more precious to me than responding to an UNFORTUNATE,NE'ER- DO -WELL, slowpoke like you.
Go f*ck shit Dumb*ss....

Sorry kid. I already asked, you already answered me and I already made my point. Just take it easy on yourself, this is just an informal, trivial chit chat, it's nothing to get mad at. Don't sound like I'm forcing a fat bar up your ass, that's not my job, your future mallam would see to that.
Then, you sound highly vexed and frustrated.

In as much as we want to enjoy sex, let us also be considering one another's wellbeing. It takes two to tango. One person cannot be pleasing himself or herself at the expense of the other.

McSquishi:


Well from the perspective of women in the West, African men are conservative. Maybe in comparison to your female counterparts you’re not. But from my experience in African/Nigerian groups like this one whenever an African woman expresses herself at all sexually or even dresses somewhat sexy she is shamed by the males in the society. Men might be more adventurous than the women they marry but only because the women have learned to repress their sexual desires... I’m guessing.

You’re right though, it’s a terrible marriage if you can’t tell your partner what you like in bed. but communicating is one of the most difficult things to get right in relationships, and communicating about sex can be even harder.

if women from the west see African men as conservative, then they are wrong. African men are adventurous, versatile though a few are rigid and may have ego issues but they are usually wild.

The narrative have changed a lot, a lot of women now expresses themselves and some guys like me like women who expresses themselves and go for what they want. most African men love women that can express themselves sexually and to be honest, if a lot of our women will do that, some cheating incidences will not happen. Dressing shouldn't have anything to do with one expressing her sexuality or demanding her right. I have heard a lot about northern Muslim ladies not wearing anything under their gown and some being wild and adventurous and active during sex with their partner which is the way it ought to be.

you're right, communication is key alongside other things like compromise and sacrifices. In marriages these days, communication is going down instead of increasing. Again, sometimes it's because of unyielding partner. when a partner is always turning def ear, some will stop and will begin to find alternative elsewhere though its wrong

light099:


Sorry kid. I already asked, you already answered me and I already made my point. Just take it easy on yourself, this is just an informal, trivial chit chat, it's nothing to get mad at. Don't sound like I'm forcing a fat bar up your ass, that's not my job, your future mallam would see to that.
Then, you sound highly vexed and frustrated.

Oohh Metusellah sorry
Okay take your medal!!!
You won..
If this will make you sleep well..And make sure you take your medication this night...Ciao.

Of course: CONSENT.

Marriage ≠ lack of sexual boundaries, therefore, the boundary starts when one party does not consent to the sexual act. Consent is not a right of marriage nor should it ever be assumed. It must be mutual, even in marriage, which means one spouse cannot force the other to engage in an act they do not want to engage in.

light099:


Is anything wrong about it?

Wetin una dey find for whr shit dey

HajiaNotu:


Oohh Metusellah sorry
Okay take your medal!!!
You won..
If this will make you sleep well..And make sure you take your medication this night...Ciao.

Finally, it's good to see the laughing emojis. That's what your future husband wanna see when he asks for your ass, not a frowned face. Get used to it.

As for the medal, kindly keep it for your future oga at the top, when he finally starts drilling for liquid gold.

CIAO.

merieam16:
Wetin una dey find for whr shit dey

Pleasure.
Isn't that what the whole world is looking for?

Then, I thought it is just a passage for shit, or does shit perpetually reside in there?

McSquishi:
To me, whatever the married couple consents to do between themselves is fine and beautiful as long as they both are into it. By “consent” I don’t mean one being coerced to do things they consider shameful or painful for the sake of their spouse.

The truth is a lot of women are more adventurous than their husbands. So if I’m into certain things and he’s into very vanilla standard styles, I can encourage him to try new things but some stuff he will never be into and I’d have to learn to be ok with that. Anyway, I wouldn’t want him to be doing things that he is finding studying or uncomfortable.

Marriage is about compromise. So if BDSM is such a part of your life it is only fair to find a spouse who shares that lifestyle. Otherwise it’s something you will have to put aside for the sake of your marriage. If I suddenly decide I want to try anal and my husband does not of course there is no excuse for me to go out and find a guy to do that with me. I would need to put that aside and enjoy my husband for what he is willing to do and try.

Couples should try to remain open-minded and be willing to step a bit out of their comfort zone for their spouse. But the more adventurous spouse should also realize that coercing and pressuring their spouse to participate in a different kind of sex is not healthy or ok. Everything should be done in love.

wise saying

jmoore:
There are boundaries. Consent or no consent.


Anal sex is a sign of mental disorder. What are you digging in a hole for faeces?

]


i comment my reserve

culf:
spicing things up is good, a partner should have the interest of the next person at heart and do all he/she could to please the other. it means if a partner wants it differently the other should try to do it but the request must not be dehumanising.
If one have a partner that he/she know cannot handle pain, them should partner shouldn't be asking for what will cause or bring pain to the partner no matter how he/she love it.
understanding, compromise and sacrifices....

that means the other should collect another place

culf:



Hmmmm, certainly not in Africa. Here that majority of women find it very hard to ask their husbands for sex, just sex oooo.

am not sure again because the world don change well

fatymore:
Depend on the mood....

Make I know talk too much

my dear no be small mood me some times i no do no be by force