₦airaland Forum

you need to grow up man.. you're a man so wisdom demands you do things maturely. yes tell your wife to let the mother knows she's to inform you guys of her coming. why are you over reacting over what? because she came without informing you?! did she commit an offence? she's also your mom even if your mom won't do that, try to know people are different. she's still getting used to missing her own daughter, there's no need moving to far place all you just need to do is to get maturity!

We are not in an era when mobile phones were rare or non-existent. Mobile phone is one of the easiest things people have access to.

If you come to my gate without an earlier permission to come, make sure you've enough money to go back to wherever you came from!

I don't care about who you are, you must seek and receive permission before you come! And seeking permission doesn't necessarily mean you'll get it every time.

DedeNkem:
We are not in an era when mobile phones were rare or non-exitence. Mobile phone is one of the easiest things people have access to.

If you come to my gate without an earlier permission to come, make sure you've enough money to go back to wherever you came from!

I don't care about who you are, you must seek and receive permission before you come! And seeking permission doesn't necessarily mean you'll get it every time.

congrats. If your wife's mum calls your wife that she is at the gate, you will tell her not to open gate for her because you are the husband and the mumu wife will leave her mum at the gate because her lord, the husband has commanded her not to open the gate because she dey for prison. Even if you are the one that helped her mum to pay the hospital bill for her birth, there is a limit to which you will disrespect someone's parent all in the name of marriage. How much wil it cost to divource you? Definitely not more than the transport money to take her mum back to where she came from.

helpee:
congrats. If your wife's mum calls your wife that she is at the gate, you will tell her not to open gate for her because you are the husband and the mumu wife will leave her mum at the gate because her lord, the husband has commanded her not to open the gate because she dey for prison. Even if you are the one that helped her mum to pay the hospital bill for her birth, there is a limit to which you will disrespect someone's parent all in the name of marriage. How much wil it cost to divource you? Definitely not more than the transport money to take her mum back to where she came from.

You can let your home run wild! My home isn't a drive-through joint!

If you can't afford buying phone for your mother-in-law (if she can't afford it) to call whenever she's wants to come, then you're a failed in-law!

If you have no rule at your home to keep unwanted visitors away, then you're a complete failure.

That someone is my in-law doesn't give the person impunity to visit at will unexpectedly. My mother doesn't visit without calling, so why shouldn't hers?!

Anyway, I'm fortunate to have great in-laws and I also call them before visiting.

DedeNkem:
You can let your home run wild! My home isn't a drive-through joint!

If you can't afford buying phone for your mother-in-law (if she can't afford it) to call whenever she's wants to come, then you're a failed in-aw!

If you have no rule at your home to keep unwanted visitors away, then you're a complete failure.

That someone is my in-law doesn't give the person impunity to visit at will unexpectedly. My mother doesn't visit without calling, so why shouldn't hers?!

Anyway, I'm fortunate to have great in-laws and I also call them before visiting.

Congrats once again. Most of you guys only runs your mouth on social media. So if your mother didn't call before visiting you won't open doors for her? Is your mother staying 10minutes drive from you? If your mum stays ten minutes drive from you and still have to call everytime before visiting then you are not really having a good relationship. So your mum can't come to visit someone in the area and use the opportunity to branch at your place just to say Hi because the so called son is living in dodan barracks. That your own mum has to call everytime doesn't make it ideal. Infact, that she has to call everytime means your relationship is not even cordial. My own mum? She can come anytime. My in-laws...they can visit us anytime. How many rooms do they want to use? Is it what they will eat or the sitting room they will use? I am doing well and they are doing well. I don't need to buy them a phone. They do call many times that they are coming...and if they don't call they are more than welcome. They respect themselves in my house and I give them their regard. We are in Africa. If you are living in the western world, you think you are the one that will be controlling the home? Your wife will just tell you not to come back home. She will just tell you she want you out of the house that is when your eyes will clear

Sorry oh ,so you are the type that will not allow family members come near you after your wedding, bros where are you in naija or obodo oyinbo? What nonsense will you do, stop wasting our data

Tajbol4splend:
Intolerant bastard, there's a good chance you are Igbo

Another useless muslim bigot

Haaaaa dis kind one deep oooo

RMoneyInTheBank:
35 minutes drive from your house and you expect her to inform you before coming ALL THE TIME ? Bros fear God... After all she is not there to stay... In as much as it is good to inform people before visiting them, I feel it shouldn't be ALL THE TIME especially if the person is related to you and if the distance is as small as 35 minutes like you said... Is either the OP was brought up in an hostile environment or na Money yab man

Oga even if it's one minute walk I demand you info me u want to visit, if not u will turned back so embarrass.. highest closeness end.. I don't believe in over familiarity.

How did the OP's wife fall to marry him?

helpee:
Congrats once again. Most of you guys only runs your mouth on social media. So if your mother didn't call before visiting you won't open doors for her? Is your mother staying 10minutes drive from you? If your mum stays ten minutes drive from you and still have to call everytime before visiting then you are not really having a good relationship. So your mum can't come to visit someone in the area and use the opportunity to branch at your place just to say Hi because the so called son is living in dodan barracks. That your own mum has to call everytime doesn't make it ideal. Infact, that she has to call everytime means your relationship is not even cordial. My own mum? She can come anytime. My in-laws...they can visit us anytime. How many rooms do they want to use? Is it what they will eat or the sitting room they will use? I am doing well and they are doing well. I don't need to buy them a phone. They do call many times that they are coming...and if they don't call they are more than welcome. They respect themselves in my house and I give them their regard. We are in Africa. If you are living in the western world, you think you are the one that will be controlling the home? Your wife will just tell you not to come back home. She will just tell you she want you out of the house that is when your eyes will clear

You watch a lot of movies

if it was your mum, will you be here to seek for advise

RMoneyInTheBank:
35 minutes drive from your house and you expect her to inform you before coming ALL THE TIME ? Bros fear God... After all she is not there to stay... In as much as it is good to inform people before visiting them, I feel it shouldn't be ALL THE TIME especially if the person is related to you and if the distance is as small as 35 minutes like you said... Is either the OP was brought up in an hostile environment or na Money yab man

What are u saying?
She should inform either of them anytime she wants to come around.


U can't just be badging into married couple's house.

What if the man was shagging the woman's daughter within the compound, just behind the main gate?


It's disrespectful and disregarding.

[quote author=RMoneyInTheBank post=100693423]35 minutes drive from your house and you expect her to inform you before coming ALL THE TIME ? Bros fear God... After all she is not there to stay... In as much as it is good to inform people before visiting them, I feel it shouldn't be ALL THE TIME especially if the person is related to you and if the distance is as small as 35 minutes like you said... Is either the OP was brought up in an hostile environment or na Money yab man


Even if you stay a minute away, courtesy demands you let somebody know before you visit. You can't just go barging in on people who are just two months into their marriage because they live close. Even as a parent, if you are not busy, sleep.

helpee:
Congrats once again. Most of you guys only runs your mouth on social media. So if your mother didn't call before visiting you won't open doors for her? Is your mother staying 10minutes drive from you? If your mum stays ten minutes drive from you and still have to call everytime before visiting then you are not really having a good relationship. So your mum can't come to visit someone in the area and use the opportunity to branch at your place just to say Hi because the so called son is living in dodan barracks. That your own mum has to call everytime doesn't make it ideal. Infact, that she has to call everytime means your relationship is not even cordial. My own mum? She can come anytime. My in-laws...they can visit us anytime. How many rooms do they want to use? Is it what they will eat or the sitting room they will use? I am doing well and they are doing well. I don't need to buy them a phone. They do call many times that they are coming...and if they don't call they are more than welcome. They respect themselves in my house and I give them their regard. We are in Africa. If you are living in the western world, you think you are the one that will be controlling the home? Your wife will just tell you not to come back home. She will just tell you she want you out of the house that is when your eyes will clear

Don't expect everyone to live the same way you do! You can leave your home door open to all and sundry, that's your business.

I don't understand why anyone, who has a mobile phone, would go to someone's home without calling? It makes absolutely no sense.

Even you visited someone near my home and wants to visit me, it's prudent to call to know if I'm at home or not before coming or if anyone is at home to welcome you. We don't just sit at home waiting to receive unexpected visitors!

You don't just head to someone's home without notifying them! Again, this is not the era when mobile phone was rare! In most cases in present era, you don't need to meet someone face to face to have a discussion with them!

Things have evolved technologically so try to evolve too! Stop living in the past and stop going to peopls's home unannounced! This is 2021 not the 80s or 90s!

my house my rule - unu Nigerians sef

So Eze, you have decided to make your daughter lesser than her husband ?

2dice01:
She is the Queen
is the Queen above the King?

if your answer is No
Then my house my rule

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

you live too close to both your Parents and your in-laws. Move far away from them and you'll will enjoy your marriage.

armyofone:
my house my rule - unu Nigerians sef

So Eze, you have decided to make your daughter lesser than her husband ?

Yes my daughters are lesser to their husbands

2dice01:
Yes my daughters are lesser to their husbands

Full stop.

How come people are not thinking about the major embarrassment that can ensure from unsolicited visits especially from someone that one holds or expected to hold in high esteem?

The mother-in-law left her home so early in the morning to visit her daughter in her matrimonial home and without prior notice and that is OK?

7.30am; the newly wed could be getting amorous... The house might not be in a decent state to receive, I will repeat again, someone that should be in high esteem not just an errand girl in the neighbourhood...

The mother in law is demeaning herself by just turning up like any old commoner... What does she want - she has given the daughter away...

I just don't understand why done people here come to run their mouths off...

The man already said that his own parents will not do the same and that is good bonus for the wife - no one coming and causing wahala.

I will fear that mother in law because she might be evil and up to no good.

Lastly, people are assuming that the daughter is happy to let her mother ruin her fledgling marriage. You cannot marry your mother; so that f not ready to leave them, don't marry!

Klass99:
You just articulated my thoughts, yet they keep saying marriage favours us more than them.

From where I stand and what I've seen, it feels more like entrapment.

It is entrapment.�

Deathisfree:
I just hope she won’t be expecting some token when she’s leaving cox. Chichi I no go drop.
She’s not poor o but it’s a duty to force it on her.

The issue you have with the visit is the money you will give her for transport not necessarily the fact that she visited unannounced...

There is no law which says you must give money to extended family members when they visit your house

emonis88:
so if his own mother keeps coming to their house like his mother in law, won't d wife start complaining too, women n their being inconsiderate, do u think it is only d wife who has her family near by?

It goes both ways.
If we understand the meaning of family and the importance of the extended family.

MufasaLion:
[s][/s]

Shut up please!

Mufasa the lion
Could you please aquire the skills of reasonable and respectful dialogue
Even a 2 year old can say shut up!
Let me advice you that the words you use say everything about you and not about the person you are addressing.

Kobicove:
The issue you have with the visit is the money you will give her for transport not necessarily the fact that she visited unannounced...

There is no law which says you must give money to extended family members when they visit your house

There is no law but you face ignominy and embarrassments... People should acknowledge that our pockets are not equally deep and it also depends on who comes to visit you - expense on an in-law will be different from a family member.

I don't know why he mentioned money but some in-laws are parasites...

mutter:
It goes both ways.
If we understand the meaning of family and the importance of the extended family.

Please explain! We are all born individually and some families are dysfunctional and harmful to one's progress, wellbeing or life.

We cannot family for head and not do what is right for ourselves and offspring. The man's own mother will not do impromptu visit despite being 5 minutes away - I bet the wife is happy about that!

35 minutes drive in Nja is no short trip and I assume the mother in law has a car; so this is our it starts - the marriage hearing for the rocks because of amebo or person with no manners.

Parents are people like you and me and fools grow old too... There is nothing worse than an old fool!

mutter:
It goes both ways.
If we understand the meaning of family and the importance of the extended family.

now u talking, a couple ve to know how to handle their families n their families ve to know how to relate with their married children, sisters, brothers.

[s]

mutter:
Mufasa the lion
Could you please aquire the skills of reasonable and respectful dialogue
Even a 2 year old can say shut up!
Let me advice you that the words you use say everything about you and not about the person you are addressing.

[/s]

Klass99:
Lol, how would you know for sure? Are you married? If yes, are you male or female?

I would like to hear your thoughts on why you boldly said it's entrapment, if you don't mind sharing.

Maybe the mother in law is after the son-in-law's body or looking for something to blackmail the man or coming round to plant unmentionable spiritual items... Ha ha ha. Who know? People just type anything in an online forum. He he he

Life is not balance oo

My mother in-law place is not far (like 45 mins drive)

I love whenever mama comes. she will assist with washing and many other things. Especially taking care of children.
Na serious beg whenever she wantt to go. I love to always have her around.
My parent stays in another state and they dont have my time

Klass99:
Lol, how would you know for sure? Are you married? If yes, are you male or female?

I would like to hear your thoughts on why you boldly said it's entrapment if you don't mind sharing.

It is entrapment.

From infancy, the African woman especially is brainwashed to believe marriage favours her. She goes in with all excitement and discovers the truth: that she is the one who loses everything and gains very little.

She wants to run out, but societal opinion on one hand and the eyes of her innocent children on the other hand won't let her. So she buckles up and plods on, pretending to all that it is well. Yet in the quiet of the night, she tells herself, I wish I didn't get married and feels guilty for thinking it.

Life fleets by, her dreams are on hold and so is her life. Every one believes she has no vision except to be a wife. But inside is a burning passion for what she has always wanted to be, yet can't because she has to give everyone else herself, her time and her life. So she settles for the mundane like a regular job, or a business that gives her enough time to run the home.

Very late in life, she realises that she should have sought for her happiness and darn the consequence. She should have let the homefront suffer and pursue her dreams.

At old age comes wisdom, she understands that, she didn't need to marry at all. All she ever wanted could have been attained without a man.

Ps, there are exceptions to every rule but the majority of the women I talk to would rather be single than married. Most agree they feel caged.