PrimadonnaO:
Aren't you overreacting? You sound so angry and irritated.

I know it's courtesy to inform people before you visit. But this is family, and she's not even coming to stay over. Is it such a big deal that she just popped in to say hello?

Your tone is even disrespectful. If you talk to your wife about it while you're in this mood, you'll say a lot of wrong things.

Why are you even talking about money. Is it that you give your in-laws money whenever they visit? Did they ask you to? Do you think she came to get money from you?

Abeg, your post is just so wrong.

You carry beauty inside of you.

2ScrewsLoose:
Ingratitude is bad young man, you don't know what family is.... Is she coming to carry your house? Na wa o

In one word, "PESTS"
Parasitic tendencies stinking everywhere. SMH
Coutersy demands you inform before you visit. You have no right to my privacy because I married your daughter, abi na free una been give me? Don't act as if you are doing the dude a favor.

Hmm, my guy I see nothing wrong in your mother-in-law that lives 35minutes drive away coming to say Hi to her children inasmuch as she is not constituting trouble in your home. Some persons like paying surprise visits to friends, children and relations.Don't be hostile so as not to end up hurting yourself and wife. You may not be able to handle the aftermath.
Meanwhile you can demand pre-notice if she is demanding, if not be receptive and hospitable to all. You will need them.

And if you are financially stable, please hustle to have more than enough. When you have some annoyance will not surface because you will resources to handle any emergency.
Make it a duty to honour them with gifts no matter how little or big it may be any you come across to them on whether you visits them or they visits you. Be accommodating.

Bro I see u like person wen go like complain too much

mutter:
Some men are mean!
Why don't you allow them to get used to the fact that the daughter is now married!
It's not easy to break a bond like mother daughter.
Anyway personally I could. Never be married to a man with your expectations!
My family remains my family irrespective of marriage. Same goes for my husband's family.
This is why it is important for couple to agree about such things before marriage.
Very sad...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkQ2a_3mB4g

Me too I wonder why some men and women behave that way. It's a foreign culture that is silly and must not be emulated by us.how can you be that hostile to your wife or husband's parents? She I'd not ask you for money. If she is not crazy she will not appear unannounced and be angry that you did not give her money.

Every body have his/her own way of reacting, like in my brother case, you cannot go to his house without notifying him whether from the wife side or his own side. To me o is your wife that will tell them to always notify her before coming in a good manner. So explain some things to your wife or you relocate if u are renting.To me o is not something to be killing your cells.

Ammishaddai:
Bros endure her visit for today. After that, try and relocate to a place that's far. So even if she wants to visit, she will think twice or at least call to know if you're at home

Don't trim yourself to please anyone or avoid them. Make he relocate far to his workplace because of one useless mother in law. Tell your wife to handle if she cannot , handle urself.

RMoneyInTheBank:
35 minutes drive from your house and you expect her to inform you before coming ALL THE TIME ? Bros fear God... After all she is not there to stay... In as much as it is good to inform people before visiting them, I feel it shouldn't be ALL THE TIME especially if the person is related to you and if the distance is as small as 35 minutes like you said... Is either the OP was brought up in an hostile environment or na Money yab man

You are right...but suffering and smiling is not healthy. If OP is not comfortable with her, he should make her steer clear

Deathisfree:


I see no sense in this. Even if it’s 1mins drive. There should be a notice. It’s obvious you visit people without a pre ? If so stop it ,it’s a bad habit

God bless you o, I was shocked to read that from a supposed educated person in this 21st century. Even if it's 1minute drive like you rightly said. The woman needs to understand that she is entering into another person's house and need their consent before she enter. Two months into marriage and she has already visited twice.

Deathisfree:


I see no sense in this. Even if it’s 1mins drive. There should be a notice. It’s obvious you visit people without a pre ? If so stop it ,it’s a bad habit

Bros u r in naija, carry ur there should be notice go europe.

mutter:
Some men are mean!
Why don't you allow them to get used to the fact that the daughter is now married!
It's not easy to break a bond like mother daughter.
Anyway personally I could. Never be married to a man with your expectations!
My family remains my family irrespective of marriage. Same goes for my husband's family.
This is why it is important for couple to agree about such things before marriage.
Very sad...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkQ2a_3mB4g

Would be saying this if it was his wife complaining about her mother-in-law visiting their home without notice?
We all know the paranoia of young wives about mother-in-laws who most of you hate to associate even before you meet them or cry to social media or friends about their husband's mom or relatives...

dam4sam:


Where in the Post did you read that she was just staying for 30mins or 3days? How would you know?

You mean a MIL will leave her house probably at 6:30am, drive for 35mins in Nigeria's early morning Holdups, just to "Say Hi" to her Son-inlaw and then drive back after staying for 10mins?
You guys need an Upgrade, really.

In-laws dont come and spend five minutes on Visits, they likely will sleep-over. and you cant tell them when to leave.

Deathisfree post=100693482:


I think visiting

Deathisfree:


I just hope she won’t be expecting some token when she’s leaving cox. Chichi I no go drop.
She’s not poor o but it’s a duty to force it on her.

What if it was a working day and the Couples have to go to work? That means they have to leave her all alone at home.
She came at 7:30am for God's sake and it is not her first visit..

Let me give an example:
What if they have just fumigated the House at that 7:30am (since they will be at work all day) and she just bumped-in as they were about going out, will she not be embarrassed when told she cannot stay and have to go back or will she kill her self with the Mosquitoes, just to prove she can visit anytime?

Is that kind of embarrassment not better avoided, just by calling them to inform them of your intention to come to Visit?

Read the story again, it is there. He even said that if his MIL was expecting money, he wouldn't give her anything. Lol. He didn't talk about feeding her, that means she wasn't staying.
I get it, some of you were raised in "mummy, daddy and siblings only" setting unlike us.

Deathisfree:


If I move to a 1000miles and she has a business in my town. She will still do the same thing

What is your interpretation of this comment by @OP? My interpretation is that his problem with his MIL is just about his MIL stopping by and saying hello, not sleeping over. I said this because he didn't say "If I move to a 1000miles, she will still visit".

Deathisfree:


I just hope she won’t be expecting some token when she’s leaving cox. Chichi I no go drop.
She’s not poor o but it’s a duty to force it on her.

f

I think you are a horrible person and only have money as a source of validation.


So what if you do not have money?
You do not need to give her money. Feed her , jist with her and keep her company.



Hope you are able to learn a bit of maturity soonest

Ghostmode2two:
So he should die in silence right?

He should have remained single since he is not ready to tolerate. He is not matured enough to be in marriage. Just two months he is already complaining, yet his mother inlaw is only appearing once without notice, and this man can not bear it. Am twenty years in marriage, am talking from experience. I repeat that woman will be very disappointed that her daughter has fallen into a wrong hand. And that young lady will take it personal. Mind you she is not coming from another state almost her neighbor, so what is the fuse all about?

Deathisfree:


If I move to a 1000miles and she has a business in my town. She will still do the same thing

Do you hate her?

Princewell2012:


He should have remained single since he is not ready to tolerate. He is not matured enough to be in marriage. Just two months he is already complaining, yet his mother inlaw is only appearing once without notice, and this man can not bear it. Am twenty years in marriage, am talking from experience. I repeat that woman will very disappointed that her daughter has fallen into a wrong hand. Mind you she is not coming from another state almost her neighbor, so what is the fuse all about?

shocked reading this from the OP, there is no issue here except he does not like her.

Don't worry when triplet come in the next nine months, you will pray she visits

For the fact that she's your mother in law.. op forgive and forget. Set the rules now.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

she just came to see her daughter, probably not you. she lives close by. This is Nigeria, parents who don't live far away from their kids hardly inform them before visiting. She didn't visit to sleepover, she didn't inform you because she wasn't interested in collecting any money from you, so chill. If she needed your money, she would have informed you prior to the visit.

nnekaike:
shocked reading this from the OP, there is no issue here except he does not like her.

Period. If he complained to her wife about it, that's will be the beginning of their problem. She is going to take it personal and that he did not like her mother, .and when her mother now hears about it, hmm end of discussion.

dam4sam:

This one is a slave to Money, no doubt.



Comprehension is the problem of many people on this thread!

@Op DID NOT say Mother-inlaw should not visit, that would be wrong. Read the post again, please.

His complaint was that she should INFORM THEM BEFOREHAND, of her Visits How difficult is that? Carry your Mobile phone and say: I will be coming to your House tomorrow. next Tomorrow, carry phone again and say: I will be sleeping over tomorrow. After that, carry phone again and say: I will be spending the next two weeks in your House, as from tomorrow.

And the "Visit" should not be everyday, so to speak.
Once, in three or four Months is okay or does Mother-inlaw want to turn to second wife nii?

I got your point. But the truth of the matter is that, that guy can not tolerate even if he was informed he might give an excuse to stop the woman. He is just Using this as an excuse, he does not want to see anybody around him. Get the gist.

Am very sure you grew up without love from others and you have grown to become a difficult person.
With this kind of attitude you are displaying, this marriage will not last.
If such a mere visit will give you headache, then you will see even smaller challenges as death sentence.
In summary you are overreacting.

RMoneyInTheBank:
hahhahahhhahah..this one got me

Don't mind the agbaya, am sure before he got married to his wife he'd probably know how close she is to her mum, but because you have Married her for 2 months only, you are already misbehaving.

He can love the daughter without the mother and the person that married him will also know how he is...

He is a private man with his own principles and standards - if the wife and mother-in-law are not happy with that; it is only 2 months into the marriage.

Some people here talk about daughters being used their mothers or having them around; that is not universally true. The mother might just be the type that will interfere at all cost and disregard the newly weds privately from now till eternity...

The daughter has to make her own home and not be ruled by her mother... This is nothing to do with Oyinbo attitude - nobody should allows others to put their nose into your business; family or not!

They are still in their honeymoon period and the mother has come twice and at 7.45am; deliberately to confront the man. He avoided her before and she came without even telling the daughter - she is uncouth and an embarrassment!

The money issue is another thing; 2 months after a wedding and if this guy is alluding to the mother-in-law being money greedy or materialistic, then who are we to question him?

Naija mentality will not let us progress - I suppose our ancestors felt the same way when they accepted the oyinbos and let them come and go and take whatever the wanted.

The man clearly has an issue with the mother - we don't know the mother to side her... Were the couple living together before marriage or did the wife come straight from her family home?

armyofone:
She is the queen of her home. Hope the tell wifey that.....also applies to him too. His mother should inform both of them before coming.
I think it is best for family members to let couples know of intended visits and wait to here from them before embarking on the trip.
You can tell your wife that mom should make her visit during weekends.

She is the Queen
is the Queen above the King?

if your answer is No
Then my house my rule

Deathisfree:


I see no sense in this. Even if it’s 1mins drive. There should be a notice. It’s obvious you visit people without a pre ? If so stop it ,it’s a bad habit

I see senseless in this.
So because you married someone's daughter, all her family members are mow your subject?
Do you have brains at all?
Or deh

Princewell2012:


He should have remained single since he is not ready to tolerate. He is not matured enough to be in marriage. Just two months he is already complaining, yet his mother inlaw is only appearing once without notice, and this man can not bear it. Am twenty years in marriage, am talking from experience. I repeat that woman will be very disappointed that her daughter has fallen into a wrong hand. And that young lady will take it personal. Mind you she is not coming from another state almost her neighbor, so what is the fuse all about?

Not every man is ready for marriage as some just doing it for doing sake

Hmm. Tough call. If your MIL is bigger than you and looks like she can fight, ask your wife to handle it. If you think you have a better right hook, tell her yourself. Remember to protect your chin.

When you were courting the daughter, do you always give notice to the mother or dad before visiting?

Hi Young man
since you stay close I don't see anything wrong if your mother inlaw drops by to say Hi, just welcome her and move on to do your other things
she does not need to notify you to visit you since you guys are close
you may consider moving to another side of the town that's a bit far if you don't want her around
start blessed

[You really have time to type this on top of another man's headache. Hian! Who do you this kind thing? You sound extremely in severe pains or are you the Op in another moniker? Lol. author=dam4sam post=100699933]

Which one is "stopping-by", for a driving distance of 35mins?
Lagos to Ibadan in One Hour, so someone will drive halfway between Lagos and Ibadan and call it "stopping-by"?
Stopping-by on the way to where? How many times in a Month would she be stopping by?
Is she that idle that she cant find something to do with her time again?

You call the @Op "stingy", what if he was affected by the Pandemic and is just managing the little amount left between him and his wife?
It is idle people and time wasters who just keep running from one place to another, under the excuse of Casual Visit.

Women are fond of running around their Son-in-laws place, leaving their own husband isolated and most of them end up ruining their daughter's marriage.
One "Stop-by Visit" in FOur Months is enough., for anyone who is not jobless or idle.

Anyway, this busy-body behaviour, starts early in life.

Edit: many people think the @Op is about her not visiting them at all, which will be wrong.
The @Op is about her VISITING WITHOUT NOTICE, WHICH IS A MATTER OF RESPECTING ONE'S PRIVACY.
And maybe about the FREQUENCY of the Visit,
Any decent and intelligent Parent-in-law should know that newly married Couples need their privacy more than anything, let them grow together as a family, not poke-nosing into their affairs every minute.[/quote]

You really have time to type this episode. Hian! You sound extremely in severe pains on top another man's headache. Who do you this kind thing? Or are you the Op in disguise? Lol.

dam4sam:


Which one is "stopping-by", for a driving distance of 35mins?
Lagos to Ibadan in One Hour, so someone will drive halfway between Lagos and Ibadan and call it "stopping-by"?
Stopping-by on the way to where? How many times in a Month would she be stopping by?
Is she that idle that she cant find something to do with her time again?
Ouo
You call the @Op "stingy", what if he was affected by the Pandemic and is just managing the little amount left between him and his wife?
It is idle people and time wasters who just keep running from one place to another, under the excuse of Casual Visit.

Women are fond of running around their Son-in-laws place, leaving their own husband isolated and most of them end up ruining their daughter's marriage.
One "Stop-by Visit" in FOur Months is enough., for anyone who is not jobless or idle.

Anyway, this busy-body behaviour, starts early in life.

Edit: many people think the @Op is about her not visiting them at all, which will be wrong.
The @Op is about her VISITING WITHOUT NOTICE, WHICH IS A MATTER OF RESPECTING ONE'S PRIVACY.
And maybe about the FREQUENCY of the Visit,
Any decent and intelligent Parent-in-law should know that newly married Couples need their privacy more than anything, let them grow together as a family, not poke-nosing into their affairs every minute.