loffyloffy:


The assumption that if you marry your specs everything after will turn out perfect is a mirage.

No matter who you marry, there will come a time when the attraction won't be like the courting days again, and that is when your commitment will be challenged.

True points

As for the OP

He is even saying he prayed about it you are cheating you are praying who are you deceiving and he keeps saying she's a good woman, she doesn't deserve it yet you keep cheating on her.

Funny as it sounds , you have a point ... Marriage is about sacrifices... In whatever way they present itself, endure it and still be the man... If your side chick understands that you are married and is willing to keep up ,then make sure you satisfy your home and conscience before going for your rendezvous

dharamanil:


It is part of the journey in marriages. You must do what you have to do. Continue with the new girl, but make sure, u give your wife anything she asks for only then will there be peace in your heart and peace at home.

If you starve yourself of what you crave for, u will transfer aggression to your wife and then that will be bad. Love expires but friendship never

yum01:
No judgement please.i know I am a scum but please dont add to it. Myself and my wife were friends in school , I had what we call my spec in my heart then and she jsnt it ( she is beautiful please). She is a good wife and mother not perfect cos no one is but she is good.
The issue is I have never found her attractive but then in school fellowship and preaching said looks do not matter, that the true beauty is internal. So I silenced the voice of my spec and married her. Let me say again, she is a good woman and doesn't deserve this.
9 years after marriage with 2 kids, the problem is since 2019 the attraction has got worse. I dont find her attractive at all again , we hardly gist , the way I express love I struggle to . To have sex seff , I have to use enhancers to get erections . I started cheating last year and I dont like it but I am.doing it. I love the girl in question and i know its unfair to my wife.
I have sought help , spoken with elderly people in marriage, prayed but its getting worse. She doesn't deserve this to be candid , and I am boring so much inside. No woman deserves to be treated like this.
I never cheated as a single guy, how can I be doing that now. She was my 1st body count but from 2019 till date my body count is now 5.

I am thinking, its either the problem has to do with her:
I guess she is not a virgin when you meet her?
OR
The Problem has to Do With You:
You Never had the opportunity to Play Around While Young or Before Marriage and The Hormone is Catching up with You
Either Way, you still need to keep your wife.
Something must have attracted you to her in the first place Boobs, Ass,...
Try to rekindle that.

yum01 , transform her into your spec. Its easy since its the outer appearance. With make-up, clothes, hair etc... anything is possible. I have seen people who did this. Today, they are their spouse's spec.

yum01:
No judgement please.i know I am a scum but please dont add to it. Myself and my wife were friends in school , I had what we call my spec in my heart then and she jsnt it ( she is beautiful please). She is a good wife and mother not perfect cos no one is but she is good.
The issue is I have never found her attractive but then in school fellowship and preaching said looks do not matter, that the true beauty is internal. So I silenced the voice of my spec and married her. Let me say again, she is a good woman and doesn't deserve this.
9 years after marriage with 2 kids, the problem is since 2019 the attraction has got worse. I dont find her attractive at all again , we hardly gist , the way I express love I struggle to . To have sex seff , I have to use enhancers to get erections . I started cheating last year and I dont like it but I am.doing it. I love the girl in question and i know its unfair to my wife.
I have sought help , spoken with elderly people in marriage, prayed but its getting worse. She doesn't deserve this to be candid , and I am boring so much inside. No woman deserves to be treated like this.
I never cheated as a single guy, how can I be doing that now. She was my 1st body count but from 2019 till date my body count is now 5.

That spec you find attractive today (whether it's big yan$h or big brea$t$ or figure 8 etc ), will it remain attractive for forever when old age sets in ?

The shape you had in your school days is that the same shape you have today?

You have a good woman in your house mothering your children and complement you to keep the home stable.
Rather than appreciate her, you came online to massage your over bloated ego & rant like a teen in puberty.
Oga Bros, please appreciate what you have else, you're lose it & those specs in your head would be insignificant.

Oga Bros, you're just looking for excuses to continue cheating on your wife (alias midlife crisis, whatever that means).

When yawa go gas nau, you no go remember the specs you have been raving about.

Abeg shift !

Thanks for the advice. Both harsh and mild . All point is noted . I have to make it work . Divorce for me is never an option and a side chick will always be a side chick . She can never sacrifice what a good wife would.

Sometimes in life we need others to help us press the reset button . Thanks .

yum01:
Sometimes in life we need others to help us press the reset button . Thanks .

Good Man, just go home, smile at her, buy her gift, and tell her what you expect from her.

Yxwqq:
Yes, men are more promiscuous and more likely to commit adultery than women. Thanks for the reminder.

Let me reiterate . ...men can have sex detached and still love the wife at home....women on the other hand have to be emotionally invested to have sex..a woman that can have sex detached is labelled a HOE...she belongs to the street
Men are as faithful as their options...as a man progresses financially his pool of women also increase..cos women are hypergamous in nature and they chase the top 10% of men...now how do u expect a man to be faithful when the things that gives a man value takes years to achieve..while for a woman,she is born with value??

All men go through this phase

You clowns don’t get tired of regurgitating senseless words you heard from struggling and hurting MRA on the internet? You don’t even change it up a bit. You just open mount and vomit it waah word for word. No evidence of reasoning or working logic.

Ogbotobo77:

Let me reiterate . ...men can have sex detached and still love the wife at home....women on the other hand have to be emotionally invested to have sex..a woman that can have sex detached is labelled a HOE...she belongs to the street
Men are as faithful as their options...as a man progresses financially his pool of women also increase..cos women are hypergamous in nature and they chase the top 10% of men...now how do u expect a man to be faithful when the things that gives a man value takes years to achieve..while for a woman,she is born with value??

Cutehector:
So you see why fine men end up marrying retired runs babes

Hahahahaha. Why?

That you are not attracted to your wife, does gurantee an act of adultery from you. Are you not born again? Maybe you are not. If not you would have take it to God in prayers. And you must know that spiritual spouses can cause such situation before and in marriage. That is why you should have cried to God. Know that you must confess to your wife your act of cheating and desert such act, if not forget about forgiveness from God.

yum01:
[
1 side chick really, the other 3 were just flings (sex once and that was all). Nothing justifies cheating, I I to find a way to make this work. I am just getting better at this cheating game ( I mean seeing a life with my side gig, this is too selfish ) and i don't like it.

quote author=tesuto1 post=102736704]From your write up,it is obvious cheating is in you,you only surpressed it before marriage because of your fellowship affiliation. Okay let's assume your wife is not ur 'spec',bro,you had a side chick that I want to believe is your spec,now how do you explain other 3 side chicks??

Uncle, you are doing what you longed to do. What do you find disgusting after 9 years that you cannot discuss and reach a compromise on? How is she different from the other ladies out there? You know what you want and rather than wait on us to support your actions, please go ahead.

Physical attraction should be number 1. Everything else come after. Even the Holy spirit can't grant you that because it's your body(flesh) that has that responsibility.
Now the deed has been done and you have offended and broken a sacred tie. You have toake amends to redeem your soul. Confess to your wife. She seems wonderful from your description and is the best person to help you through this. Even if she files for divorce which is clearly within her rights now, she is still helping you.
All those confessions and advice you seek from other married couples mean nothing until you seek that of God's and your wife. Peace be into you as you do what is right.

loffyloffy:
The assumption that if you marry your specs everything after will turn out perfect is a mirage.

No matter who you marry, there will come a time when the attraction won't be like the courting days again, and that is when your commitment will be challenged.

Your marriage is what you make it, and choosing to appreciate and nourishing your wife is a choice.

When you appreciate her, you will see her appreciate in value.

Also don't be too prudish to not wanting to try out new things. Dresses , Toys, etc can really help to renew things between you and your wife.

The problem with cheating is that it never ends..you will find yourself moving from girls to girls...there is no end to it.. Until you catch a serious disease.

Cheat with your wife instead..drop the kids with your parents and book yourself and wife into an hotel for the weekend...you will be surprised at how hard your it can be

I love this..

pocohantas:


Hahahahaha. Why?

because they understand men better

CharisEleos:
Hmm ..

That's one mistake I been avoiding for years now and even though I'm in my late 30s, I don't care because I feel it's better to be single and searching than to be in a marriage with a man Im not attracted to or vice versa.

I once asked a bro in my church who wanted to marry me (but I didn't find him attractive) if it's important or necessary as christians to have feelings for the lady or guy you wanna get married to and he said yes. So, I hope he understood that i didn't have feelings for him.

You shouldn't have married her because now you're committing a worst sin.

Learn to accept her the way she is.

In your late thirty and you're still selective.

Justice505:
In your late thirty and you're still selective.

Yes? Anything wrong with it?
Better than being in a hellish marriage.

RightToReject:
Be grateful to the position you're in in the union and make a conscious effort to stay faithful in particular and loving in general to her because it's better than to be a slave to her because of the sweetness of her physical beauty - master the act of magnification and transmutation by consciously making that single inherent attribute you saw in her that made you marry her a focal point of attention. I wager that as much as she isn't your supposed spec physically, she isn't outright an opposite of your spec either.

One of the reasons you did not open this thread to cry about your wife maltreating and subjugating you is because you aren't a slave to her physical beauty, so be grateful, and that is why you're almost in a good mental state at this juncture. Now is the time to conquer outside lust to stay fully mentally healthy.

As a man, one of the best ways to have your mental health intact in every intimate relationship with a woman is by not being a slave to her physical beauty. So, as much as there's nothing wrong in marrying a woman whose physical beauty forms your main source of mental connection with her, all things being equal; yet it's better and healthier to love a woman in your life than to fall in love with her citing the world we live in now, so strive to perfect the act of loving her rather than wishing that you fall in love with her, which is the literal meaning of her not being your spec.

This is philosophically very deep
I have learnt from this your contribution

The truth is that many men are facing this ops scenario

Your contribution is very revealing

cococandy:
You clowns don’t get tired of regurgitating senseless words you heard from struggling and hurting MRA on the internet? You don’t even change it up a bit. You just open mount and vomit it waah word for word. No evidence of reasoning or working logic.

Rest lady

yum01:
No judgement please.i know I am a scum but please dont add to it. Myself and my wife were friends in school , I had what we call my spec in my heart then and she jsnt it ( she is beautiful please). She is a good wife and mother not perfect cos no one is but she is good.
The issue is I have never found her attractive but then in school fellowship and preaching said looks do not matter, that the true beauty is internal. So I silenced the voice of my spec and married her. Let me say again, she is a good woman and doesn't deserve this.
9 years after marriage with 2 kids, the problem is since 2019 the attraction has got worse. I dont find her attractive at all again , we hardly gist , the way I express love I struggle to . To have sex seff , I have to use enhancers to get erections . I started cheating last year and I dont like it but I am.doing it. I love the girl in question and i know its unfair to my wife.
I have sought help , spoken with elderly people in marriage, prayed but its getting worse. She doesn't deserve this to be candid , and I am boring so much inside. No woman deserves to be treated like this.
I never cheated as a single guy, how can I be doing that now. She was my 1st body count but from 2019 till date my body count is now 5.

The love wasn't really there at first but her character was what swept your feet

You went for another woman simply because you started nursing is since you no longer find her attractive

You are the only one yo solve this puzzle

It's either you have all the fun you want with your girl or girls outside and end that once and come back home fully or you create that love and love your wife and stop playing out

You know what, she is observing you and taking records of your change of attitude towards her

Time will come, she will wear your attitude like cloth and won't have that feelings on you

That's when you will be at the receiving end

loffyloffy:
The assumption that if you marry your specs everything after will turn out perfect is a mirage.

No matter who you marry, there will come a time when the attraction won't be like the courting days again, and that is when your commitment will be challenged.

Your marriage is what you make it, and choosing to appreciate and nourishing your wife is a choice.

When you appreciate her, you will see her appreciate in value.

Also don't be too prudish to not wanting to try out new things. Dresses , Toys, etc can really help to renew things between you and your wife.

The problem with cheating is that it never ends..you will find yourself moving from girls to girls...there is no end to it.. Until you catch a serious disease.

Cheat with your wife instead..drop the kids with your parents and book yourself and wife into an hotel for the weekend...you will be surprised at how hard your it can be

The most reasonable comment here. Op listen to this.

funshint:
That's why I always laugh inside when some people will tell us to ignore the outer beauty that, beauty is within. Nobody can deceive me. As a man never marry what does not stimulate you sexually. Find that thing in her then build from there. Some people will marry and thereafter spend the rest of their life chasing after what they truly desire!

You crave outer beauty because you have inner beauty..OP has a good wife.. He has a loving and peaceful home that's why he's looking for spec...By time he got his spec with karashika attributes, his eyes will clear..

Marriage is a very long journey.. Choose inner beauty first, you can make up the outer beauty or put up with what you have if you are mature enough.. Peaceful and Loving home is being under rated by those who have it..Those who chose looks and specs above good behaviours have their stories to tell..If you have your spec with good character, fine..If not be mature enough to make do with what you have.. Invest in and upgrade your woman and see if she won't look beautiful for you..

CharisEleos:
Hmm ..

That's one mistake I been avoiding for years now and even though I'm in my late 30s, I don't care because I feel it's better to be single and searching than to be in a marriage with a man Im not attracted to or vice versa.

I once asked a bro in my church who wanted to marry me (but I didn't find him attractive) if it's important or necessary as christians to have feelings for the lady or guy you wanna get married to and he said yes. So, I hope he understood that i didn't have feelings for him.

You shouldn't have married her because now you're committing a worst sin.

Learn to accept her the way she is.

Let me correct ur wrong impression, no matter how woman a marry beautiful is, there must be a diminish marginal return of attraction, man libido towards her must reduce as time goes on, what the guy is doing now, he will still do it even if he married most beautiful girl on Earth.


And at the bolded, if what you are saying is true, anyway, you afirmired it already in ur comment to face any consequence that may arise as a result of rigid decision.

Love and attraction are from heart but lust and deception come from eyes

People marry their spec and yet they are still not happy and end up divorced. There are many 'power' couple, handsome guy and cute lady who marry but can't have peace.
My point is that attraction in itself is not the answer. Why do you think looking for a partner is though? You have to meet physical, emotional, spiritual requirements. You have to be compatible health wise, personality wise and even family wise.
For you to have a good marriage, you have to tick at least above average in all of these requirements.
As for your palaver, you are in it already. Treat her right and find a way to meet her conjugal needs. We do jobs we don't enjoy doing and yet we do those jobs for 35 years. Find a way son!.

Oh my goodness! Poor woman!

If I give my advice you sef go fear...chai.

1. Talk to her and agree to go your separate ways.

Or

2. Find a stable side chic that would complete your Triangle. She would be the love and madam be the strength. Also, allow her to flex as she will. It's now an open marriage.

You're quite the sorryasss sha....who signs up a lifetime contract with someone they dont really care for? Hear what Idris has to say to your madam....

Nazgul:
This is why I'm always of the opinion that both men and women should marry the kind of partner they crave for and not the ones they find themselves stuck with.

If your spec is chocolate girls, then by all means marry a chocolate girl.

If you cherish slim girls, marry a slim girl.

Cos if you marry someone outside your spec, sooner or later when all the lovey dovey in the marriage expires, you'll begin to feel empty and find yourself craving for that particular spec you cherish. This is where cheating come in and is also the major reason why most people cheat in marriages.

I know of a former course mate who married a short man, weeks to her wedding we were chatting on WhatsApp and she was complaining to me that she doesn't like the guy cos he's too short...shorter than her sef that she prefers guys with height. I was like, so why are you getting married to him if you don't like him, she them replied me that he was the only one nagging her about marriage, the rest just want sex, and she isn't getting any younger that's why she succumbed to his pressure and decided to marry him.

I don't need a prophet to tell me that she's going to cheat in her marriage when she runs into a cute tall guy who she sees everything she wants in.

So my dear op, you're the one I'll blame, never marry out of pity, if a girl or a guy isn't your taste, kindly end whatever it is you both have, don't deceive yourself into believing that things will get better once you get married. It will only get worse.

Did u also read where he said he married his wife as a first sex partner and after marriage he had additional four girls that he bedded?

My question to u, all those four girls after making mistake of unattraction in first instance, are not attractive too abi?

U guys should stop hiding under a finger to perpetrate all sort of ur evil desires and yet trying to shift blame on someone else or devil


And for ur second opinion , no matter how complete you are, your wife will always meet another men that far more complete than you do, so, going by ur analogy, ur wife must sure commit adultery the day she will meet better men after marriage.



If u re short man, every tall men ur wife meets will bed her, ur reasoning is too childish

If you don't have car, every guy ridding car will have their ways before her abi?

Fiscus105:


Let me correct ur wrong impression, no matter how woman a marry beautiful is, there must be a diminish marginal return of attraction, man libido towards her must reduce as time goes on, what the guy is doing now, he will still do it even if he married most beautiful girl on Earth.

Love and attraction are from heart but lust and deception come from eyes

Exactly. I thought as much. The man has had enough of her and wants a younger and fresher girl which is the case most times with married men and the reason they have side chicks. But in his case, he's trying to deceive himself by sounding all churchy about it and claiming he was brainwashed. SMH.

You're right. Na long throat dey worry OP.

Are you sure those evil girls out there have not charmed you?
They can make you hate your wife and even your children.

See guys I have erred and I am trying to do better . No matter how we see this I am at fault and I am not the type that blames the devil for anything , I take responsibility.
My first child is a girl and recently I imagined what I feel if her husband is treating her the way I am the mother .
I told my side chick the same day that ha m done, alto she is still begging but I don’t think my home is worth the bullshit I am doing .
I have erred and just trying to be better . Like some people said it has always been in me and waiting for when to manifest . We married virgins guys , I never double dated as a young man and now I wonder why I am like this .
I will do better.
Thanks a lot . I deserve whatever you throw at me here .

CharisEleos:


Exactly. I thought as much. The man has had enough of her and wants a younger and fresher girl which is the case most times with married men and the reason they have side chicks. But in his case, he's trying to deceive himself by sounding all churchy about it and claiming he was brainwashed. SMH.

You're right. Na long throat dey worry OP.