₦airaland Forum

Geez why do you guys like writing essays.

bjtinz:
Geez why do you guys like writing essays.

Truly this thread is filled with wisdom, @Klass99, remember when we had a discussion about giving birth for grandparents to raise and they not having choice but to raise those grandchildren, your points and that of others here are the reasons I have decided to go against such, cos those children are my responsibility and not theirs, I stopped talking with a close uni friend who I see as pressuring me to get married and even adviced I give birth and drop them with my parents... I hate been indebted to people, and I hate people using help rendered in their own free will to hold me to ransom, when I can barely help myself, so I don't seek for help if it is financial, I rather wait till I am financially buoyant.. I see children as my responsibility and hope they repay me back in their own way, which is not guaranteed at times which could be as a result of several uncontrolled factors...

You don’t have to have kids

Rubbiish:
U have valid points
Our view of child birth is very wrong, though some people are now gradually becoming mindful of the number of kids they have, but not all. It is only in this part of the world u see jobless people producing kids as if it is competition, this has greatly contributed to the hardship we are facing today. Child birth control is very important to the development of any nation, I just hope everyone gets to realize this soonest & be mindful of the number of kids they produce.

100% true

pansophist:
Children make you re-live childhood once again. They make you see the world from a perspective of magic, fairy, and miracle, a perspective that was lost in the transition to adulthood. For example, there may be a bird behind you, but to the child, it's not just a bird, it is a magical creature, the definitely of a miracle. Like "Daddy look, a bird, it can fly like superman", with his/face brightens up like the sun, as you re-live the experience through the eyes of a child, you'll feel young once again and appreciate the everyday beauty of life that have become unnoticeable to you. Its a beautiful experience to behold, softening your uptightness, an experience you'll have if you bear a child.

Also, one of the deepest, intense, fulfilling, enriching and most truthworthy relationship you'll ever have and bond with a human will be with your child. Nothing else comes close to it. Nothing. Love unite people, but love and blood is a bond that is unbreakable and forged for life. If you train your child well, you'll experience true love that your adult mind never believed existed, or have been lost due to negative experiences. Look at those parents that their children transformed their life (eg buying a car, building a house etc), they are the true definition of happy people.

Children also makes life worth living, because fulfilment in life is founded in responsibility, and responsibility to a child, a life force giving to you as a blessing to grow, is a defense against the intrinsic suffering of life. A child is like a new mobile phone, and it's up to you to train him/her to be a perfect example of what a good human should be. It is primal, deeply fulfilling , and will make you bear any "how" to see them through to their full actualisation.

I can go and on, but to avoid making this unnecessarily long, I'll stop here. Selecting a good partner is as important as having a kid. As one grow older, all the things that seems so important will slowly fade off, and the true one comes which to most is family. Spending time time the kids will now be deeply enriching than working extra hours for money. Nobody on their deathbed wishes they worked more, but more people wished they spent more time with their loved ones. If you do the partner selection right, having a kid raised in a stable family is one of heaven's greatest blessing there is.

This is the experience I want. This is how I want it to be, not the other way around.

Hathor5:
Out of 10 siblings you are the only good one.

Like in all of your threads everyone is bad but you are good. The angel in a wicked world.

Hathor5
Klass99

1. I lost 2 sisters to death in their tender age

2. I have many ways to respond to both of your comment but I will tell you my experience of today at the market. I needed some things for the week, so I went to the market to get my needs. I saw an elderly woman that seem very well aged. She walked very slow and she was hawking, selling broom.

I felt pain and empathy towards the old woman. I am a person that is very sensitive to pain and I could not understand why a woman of this age, is still in an open air market, selling broom.

I asked myself, why? why?

Why is this woman still hawking at this ripe old age?

Because no one cares

Divoc19:
The importance of having children is that we get to drop our own seed before we leave. Whether they children love you or not it is a beautiful thing.

Thing is, the probability of your children taking care of you in old age is very low especially the way things are going for us now.

We need to prepare for our old age and sudden deaths ourselves, forget about prayer request, this is the reality of our dear life.
All of us.

You have spoken well
You have spoke the truth

Good morning

Pinkzebra:
If you want to have kids, go on, they are good to have , but have the number of kids you can comfortably take care while still seeing yourself as the most important person who should enjoy a large chunk of what you are working for.
Secondly, it is wrong for anyone to see kids as retirement plan. Plan for your old age when you are young. The economy these days won't even let that possible even if the child wants to. After all the child also wants to enjoy the large chunks of what he is working for, even more difficult it would be , if such a child already has his own family.
Have children because they are good to have , but not for retirement, if not , you might not be lucky.
My verdict , parents should make long term investment that can live on still their old age , and can at least feed, and pay for your emergencies.
Don't have so much kids to the extent that you loss your own existence while caring for them.

Ps: I have just two kids, and anytime someone ask if it wasn't time for the next kids, I told them I'm done! They look at me like , haba you are still young now. I'm like oh, I should give birth till I look wrinkled out from child birth ?

I marvel when I see many mothers goes through hell just to raise children and grand children. Go to the market, they are inside the scorching sun, rain and polluted air just to provide for their children and grand children. I just cannot understand why the same children can't do the same to their parents. They will focus on their own own children and almost abandone their parents

Dailyparrot:
The truth is, out of ten children, the probability of having bad ones is higher. In fact, it is even worse that sometimes, one of those children will be dysfunctional (slowpoke) human being.

Having gone through the topics of the poster, I cannot but agree with him in many things.

If you ever come from a large family, you will understand better.

I come from a family of ten with me being the last child. My mother died living alone in the village. My sisters' children were up to 12 years then but none agreed to take their child(ren) to the village to go and stay with my mother.

My brother is so rich that he pays 6 months electricity bill for everyone in our community while giving my mother just 15k for Christmas.

When my mother fell ill, he took her to one local hospital in our village and dumped her there while drinking and merrying at home with friends.

My sister asked him for 17k to buy a drug that my mother needed and he grudgingly brought it out while saying that that was the last money on him.

Well, I will tell you that my mother died out of anger and frustration. My brother spent over 2 million during my mother's burial. The burial brochure and funeral oration omitted the hospital that she died in because it's such a shame to write.

I tried as much as I can but sadly I only just graduated from the university and yet to serve before she died.

I have said this and I will continue to say it to anyone that cares to listen, CHILDREN ARE NOT INVESTMENT.

Live life with yourself as a priority. Wife, husband, children, will all think of themselves first before you.

It's because African parents see children as investment that make them experience what OP's mother experienced: disappointed, betrayal, despair, hopelessness at old age.

Your children will first think of their comfort, their spouse, children and in laws before considering the parents that raised them.

Many complain of their parents being a burden, that they have lived their own life and should allow them to live theirs. Some will secretly be wishing the parents to die so they will abdicate themselves of the responsibility of taking care of them.

When my mom died, all my siblings were saying is that, it's her time, it's God's wish, she knows she will die, etc. All these to justify the fact that she wasn't cared for as she should and I am confident that my mother would still be alive today if she was given the care that she needed.

This is one of the major reasons for low life expectancy in Africa.

Someone up there mentioned old people's home. That is non existent in Africa thus parents stay locked up in their room alone feeling dejected and abandoned.

I will definitely have children but not more than 3 and I will not lay my life down for them like my mother did only to be met with disappointment.

Funnily, when you are training those children, you will hear them making promises of how they will reward and take care of you once they start earning, but immediately they get employed, they will realize they need a girlfriend, a wife, a car, etc.

The tiniest fraction of their income is what they give to the parents once in a while. Maybe during festive periods.

It's sad

You speak from your real life experiene.

You know the journey because you have been there.

Do not forget; I salute you

CharisEleos:
Vanity upon vanity, all is vanity.

Though it depends on the kind of children you have. Some care enough to remember their aged parents to take care of them.

My kind of person, if my parents were to be alive, I won't neglect them because we had a very strong bond which they formed with us while growing up. So it would be difficult to just Abandon them in their vulnerable stage.

I wish to have only one child though and I pray that even when she's left to be on her own, hubby and I will be able to afford a help that will come take care of us in our old age.

I think this is one advantage of having children late in life. They will still be very much around in your old age to take care of you before leaving to their respective homes.

Having many children brings division and disunity in family, and can add more problems to parents life.

You have made a wise choice

2 kids is enough

frozen70:
It's a pity that you saw all these that are now making you to think twice

Pls erase that thoughts from your mind

You will definitely find a lovely woman that will bear wonderful children for you but make sure you have just the number of kids you need, 2 or 3 should be OK for you

Now to the main question, having kids at home and marriage, compliments your living, children are simply added advantage

If you have just few, you can provide for them and also take care of yourself so that you don't become a nuisance to them at old age

In your mum's case, she was busy breeding those children during her time and they too started having t Gt e numbers if children they can't cater for, do out of pity, your mother have to feel that gap by feeding them

The little she had left with her to take care of herself was spent on her grandchildren, in the course of doing so, people like you who have great potentials was neglected because her grandchildren needed more help than you, that was her thinking

By the time she realizes that, it was too late to focus on you

So my dear, have children because at a stage, you must need them in life

Thank You
And Yes I will have but 2 kids is enough.

Lostchild:
Thank You
And Yes I will have but 2 kids is enough.

Excellent

Lostchild:
I marvel when I see many mothers goes through hell just to raise children and grand children. Go to the market, they are inside the scorching sun, rain and polluted air just to provide for their children and grand children. I just cannot understand why the same children can't do the same to their parents. They will focus on their own own children and almost abandone their parents

They can't do same because they are also busy taking care of their own kids. The earlier women realize that birthing so much, suffering so much and putting up themselves as sacrificial lambs for their kids is not a meal ticket to that 'awesome' old age they dream of.
Parents , plan your own old age. It is paramount.
Should I tell you what my mum did ? My mum is a selfish good woman. Who has put up things for her old age, she has her own building she hopes to put up for rent once completed , she has her own provision store. And if you promise to send mama money , whether you did or not, she isn't worried , she won't even call to remind you. She's gat her own back. Now that is the type of old age I want , not the type I have to keep calling and chasing them about to give me money to eat.
Mum has always work out things for herself, she has put her hands in many businesses, just so she can be fine on her own.
Gosh, how can one sits and wait for a child you saw growing and fed to turn round and do same for you ?
The bible says a righteous man leave inheritance for his children children. Which means a child shouldn't be the one working hard to care for a parent .
If and when the child grows and he is well off and can afford to buy you things , then that is out of love not out of necessity. The former is joyous , the latter is a burden.

Lostchild:
I will not want to repeat the mistake of my mother because I already learnt a hard lessons from her demise. I also remember her last question to me.

Nyne. It is good to have children, but suffering after having them is not just for me.

What about your father?

Klass99:
Abeg ehn, just rest. No be everything you go respond to.

I'm really sorry about your sisters, my condolences.

What has the old woman at the market, have to do with what Hathor and I said?

Remember, you don't have to react to everything o!



Oh yes I remember and I'm glad to see you're re-adjusting your mindset about that.

Kudos to you for not bowing to peer pressure to do something irresponsible as giving birth to kids and dropping them for your parents to take care of.

OK.
I hear you

ImaIma1:
What about your father?

Jesus said, (John 15:18-20 ) if the world hates you, just remember that, it has hated me first. If you belonged to the world, then the world would love you as its own. But I chose you from the world, and you do not belong to it, that is why the world hates you.' If people persecute me they will persecute you too

------- ---------- -------- ----

Imalma1. Your question jolted me and gave me memory's of 16 years of tears and persecution and I must answer your question because I am on this forum just to talk about myself.

I only saw my earthly father twice in 13 years when one of my nephew ignorantly brought him to my former place in 2013, I asked him why he came to my place. He told me he has been looking for me for the last 5 years.
Why? I asked. He said, he misses me. He told me he has asked everyone to tell him where I live, but they lied to him that I have left the state. He was surprised that I am still living in the city.

He was humble in his speech as he almost plead, asking me to come and see him so that we can talk. He wanted to ask, for my forgiveness. He wanted me to forgive his past deeds over me. He told me he is a change person and things will not be like the way it was.

He pleaded, asking me to give him my phone number which I reluctantly did and assures him that I will put his words into consideration and come to see him in his compound.

This man heavily torment my life for 16 years, and when I look back now, I always see that God constantly intervene over me for those 16 years of persecution, pains and sorrow

This man blindly allowed the devil to used him to persecute me for 16 years, it was God and will always be God Intervention that took me from him, for he almost destroyed me.

He also allowed his evil idolater wife to persecute me and persecute my brother to his early gave

He allowed evil spirit to used him to persecute those that will take care of him in his old age.

After he left my place, he waited for me to call him of which I did not, he came another day but I lock my door and walk away because he cannot rectify our past. He cannot bring my brother back to life.

The evil veil has been removed from his eyes. He can now see clearly that he lost a child

I can't give him another chance, I cannot allow him into my life anymore

Why? because I am his L☆st ch́◉ld

Lostchild:
Jesus said, (John 15:18-20 ) if the world hates you, just remember that, it has hated me first. If you belonged to the world, then the world would love you as its own. But I chose you from the world, and you do not belong to it, that is why the world hates you.' If people persecute me they will persecute you too

------- ---------- -------- ----

Imalma1. Your question jolted me and gave me memory's of 16 years of tears and persecution and I must answer your question because I am on this forum just to talk about myself.

I only saw my earthly father twice in 13 years when one of my nephew ignorantly brought him to my former place in 2013, I asked him why he came to my place. He told me he has been looking for me for the last 5 years.
Why? I asked. He said, he misses me. He told me he has asked everyone to tell him where I live, but they lied to him that I have left the state. He was surprised that I am still living in the city.

He was humble in his speech as he almost plead, asking me to come and see him so that we can talk. He wanted to ask, for my forgiveness. He wanted me to forgive his past deeds over me. He told me he is a change person and things will not be like the way it was.

He pleaded, asking me to give him my phone number which I reluctantly did and assures him that I will put his words into consideration and come to see him in his compound.

This man heavily torment my life for 16 years, and when I look back now, I always see that God constantly intervene over me for those 16 years of persecution, pains and sorrow

This man blindly allowed the devil to used him to persecute me for 16 years, it was God and will always be God Intervention that took me from him, for he almost destroyed me.

He also allowed his evil idolater wife to persecute me and persecute my brother to his early gave

He allowed evil spirit to used him to persecute those that will take care of him in his old age.

After he left my place, he waited for me to call him of which I did not, he came another day but I lock my door and walk away because he cannot rectify our past. He cannot bring my brother back to life.

The evil veil has been removed from his eyes. He can now see clearly that he lost a child

I can't give him another chance, I cannot allow him into my life anymore

Why? because I am his L☆st ch́◉ld

I see. It's a pity what you went through. I actually asked about your dad because you seemed to be criticising only your mum who single handedly raised you.

It seems you have allowed all your experiences overwhelm you and shape your mindset. You will have to let go and move on.

Hathor5:
Out of 10 siblings you are the only good one.

Like in all of your threads everyone is bad but you are good. The angel in a wicked world.

one of op's evil siblings spotted. OP see one of your sisters trolling you

This old woman will be my aunty in her old age. She is a single mom with only one child and her daughter hates her with passion. Always hostile to her daughter since childhood and even chased her out of the house. Her daughter doesn't visit her and refused to let her know where she lives. My aunty is still there saying she will get married and give birth to another child. Somebody that is 50 plus, people are just laughing at her. I pity her old age.

When you see people like that old woman, there is a reason their kids abdoned them. You didn't care for your child and you expect that they will care for you in your old age.

Lostchild:
Hathor5
Klass99

1. I lost 2 sisters to death in their tender age

2. I have many ways to respond to both of your comment but I will tell you my experience of today at the market. I needed some things for the week, so I went to the market to get my needs. I saw an elderly woman that seem very well aged. She walked very slow and she was hawking, selling broom.

I felt pain and empathy towards the old woman. I am a person that is very sensitive to pain and I could not understand why a woman of this age, is still in an open air market, selling broom.

I asked myself, why? why?

Why is this woman still hawking at this ripe old age?

Because no one cares

You are right but it goes beyond just money. You need someone to care for you in old age. My grandma is with us, she has her own money (pension) so she doesn't depend on anyone. But she can't care for herself so much like before. She's old, weak and walks very slow. I also cared for my grandpa before he died. He had his own pension too but couldn't do most things again due to old age. You will need at least one child to care for you in old age, no housemaid will even be able to keep you company like you own child. When you are old, you become like a baby again that can't do most things by himself.

Pinkzebra:
They can't do same because they are also busy taking care of their own kids. The earlier women realize that birthing so much, suffering so much and putting up themselves as sacrificial lambs for their kids is not a meal ticket to that 'awesome' old age they dream of.
Parents , plan your own old age. It is paramount.
Should I tell you what my mum did ? My mum is a selfish good woman. Who has put up things for her old age, she has her own building she hopes to put up for rent once completed , she has her own provision store. And if you promise to send mama money , whether you did or not, she isn't worried , she won't even call to remind you. She's gat her own back. Now that is the type of old age I want , not the type I have to keep calling and chasing them about to give me money to eat.
Mum has always work out things for herself, she has put her hands in many businesses, just so she can be fine on her own.
Gosh, how can one sits and wait for a child you saw growing and fed to turn round and do same for you ?
The bible says a righteous man leave inheritance for his children children. Which means a child shouldn't be the one working hard to care for a parent .
If and when the child grows and he is well off and can afford to buy you things , then that is out of love not out of necessity. The former is joyous , the latter is a burden.

missidy:
This old woman will be my aunty in her old age. She is a single mom with only one child and her daughter hates her with passion. Always hostile to her daughter since childhood and even chased her out of the house. Her daughter doesn't visit her and refused to let her know where she lives. My aunty is still there saying she will get married and giv birth to another child. Somebody that is 50 plus, people are just laughing at her. I pity her old age.

When you see people like that old woman, there is a reason their kids abdoned them. You didn't care for your child and you expect that they will care for you in your old age.

You speak true.
I am a single person and I go to the market weekly and I see women that is well age. Many times I wonder if they have no children because they are so old and look so tired.

I feel very sad when I seen them at the market because of their age.

Life is unfair

ImaIma1:
I see. It's a pity what you went through. I actually asked about your dad because you seemed to be criticising only your mum who single handedly raised you.

It seems you have allowed all your experiences overwhelm you and shape your mindset. You will have to let go and move on.

I never grew up with my mother, I don't know motherly care. I grow in living with one self self centered step mother to another because my earthly father loves women and my childhood is very horrible. Just imagine I started sponsoring my education at age 13 by washing plate in a carteen while my brother fetch water for people who cook rice just to obtain a plate of food from them even though our earthly parents has the provision

My mother abandoned us and focused her attention on my sisters why they keep giving birth to multiple children. It was in her old age, that she realize her mistake.

I had many terrible experience of life and 95% of my tears was rooted by the devils in women. I almost shed tears when writing you because your question brought memory's of the evil deeds of my earthly father.

My past still hunt me because my wounds has not been healed. When your wounds is still fresh, you will always feel the pain

Don't be like my eathly mother; love yourself, protect your children and give them equal love

I don't want to have kids! I don't want to have a family! from what I have suffered on this earth, I should bring another innocent soul to come and suffer too? never!

Someone said to me that the reason that I don't want to have kids is because I'm selfish. But the reverse is actually the case, you are selfish that's why you are having kids. You have kids to showoff (some parents can't do without exposing videos or pictures of their kids on social media for at least 4 times a week), you have kids to prove a point (everyone look here I'm fertile and I can produce a "mini-me", my kids attend the best school in the state, my son/daughter just got admitted to Harvard at age 14) so that you can receive applaud for being a great parent from the public, You want kids to help you with house chores, to run errands for you, wash your clothes, iron them and cook for you and make them feel like they owe you because brought them to this world (like it's a privilege to be born) I even hear stupid comments like " hanhan help your parents now, without them you will not be here . as if being born into this screwed up world is a good thing. (no be even better world, Nigeria for that matter )

Abi you did not hear about the news of a man that sued his parents in the United States for giving birth to him without his permission (He was even lucky to be born in a sane country and he still sued his parents if he was born in an IDP camp here in Nigeria nko). You want a child to take care of you in old age. Please! No child owes you such care. So if you have children that are always busy for example doctors they should leave their jobs and come and babysit you because. Wake up from your "lala-land" fantasy .

someone up their said you don't know how you'll get old. You may not be able to walk, have stroke blabla. If you live a healthy youthful life you shouldn't have problems in your old age. Eat healthy, exercise, don't smoke or drink( if u have to drink responsibly), engage in brain tasking activities, be faithful to your spouse or live a celibate life (you wont die if u never have sex till u die , Don't eat like a gluttonous idiot get fat like a buffoon and expect a rosy old age. My grandmother is almost 90 she still does things for herself, she reads and goes to the market to trade even though she has well to do children, she just enjoys going out, walking and relating with people. She was still assigned a house help because you can't expect her children to be coming from their different states of residence to come and be babysitting her.

Some people have nothing yet they give birth to a dozen kids and use that phrase " God that gave them to me will take care of them". You need serious flogging to reset that warped brain of yours idiot

Hahaha, you are just talking. If you know you won't have a child, just die when you are 70yrs. Cos if you live longer, you will suffer no matter how rich you are. I have cared for 2 grandparents so I know what I'm talking about. You eat well and have a good lifestyle means you will be strong in old age!!!!! Allow me to laugh.
When you see single ladies in their 40's and late 30's doing all they can to have a child since they aren't lucky with marriage, they are planning their future. Some women that couldn't give birth adopt new born babies and care for the child as theirs. Why do you think Linda Ikeji did everything she could to have a child? She doesn't mind taking care of her child herself. It is because she is preparing for her old age. Off course she won't live with her son in old age since he will be a man with his own family but her son will always visit her regularly and show her unconditional love. After your mother, nobody will ever show you unconditional love except your own child.

Men don't have problems in old age because they don't live that long. The ones who live long still have their wives to care for them and show them love. It is women that live to that very old age and are usually widows by then. Call an old person just to greet and see how he will be thanking you just for that phone call, old people are always thanking me for calling them. It is because they desire love and care at that stage of their lives.
Immediately my mother is 80 and she is still alive, she is moving in with me. I will never let her live by herself at such old age and off course there will be a maid to attend to her as I will be a busy person but the main care will be given by me while my brother supports financially.

NewSoul:
I don't want to have kids! I don't want to have a family! from what I have suffered on this earth, I should bring another innocent soul to come and suffer too? never!

Someone said to me that the reason that I don't want to have kids is because I'm selfish. But the reverse is actually the case, you are selfish that's why you are having kids. You have kids to showoff (some parents can't do without exposing videos or pictures of their kids on social media for at least 4 times a week), you have kids to prove a point (everyone look here I'm fertile and I can produce a "mini-me", my kids attend the best school in the state, my son/daughter just got admitted to Harvard at age 14) so that you can receive applaud for being a great parent from the public, You want kids to help you with house chores, to run errands for you, wash your clothes, iron them and cook for you and make them feel like they owe you because brought them to this world (like it's a privilege to be born) I even hear stupid comments like " hanhan help your parents now, without them you will not be here . as if being born into this screwed up world is a good thing. (no be even better world, Nigeria for that matter )

Abi you did not hear about the news of a man that sued his parents in the United States for giving birth to him without his permission (He was even lucky to be born in a sane country and he still sued his parents if he was born in an IDP camp here in Nigeria nko). You want a child to take care of you in old age. Please! No child owes you such care. So if you have children that are always busy for example doctors they should leave their jobs and come and babysit you because. Wake up from your "lala-land" fantasy .

someone up their said you don't know how you'll get old. You may not be able to walk, have stroke blabla. If you live a healthy youthful life you shouldn't have problems in your old age. Eat healthy, exercise, don't smoke or drink( if u have to drink responsibly), engage in brain tasking activities, be faithful to your spouse or live a celibate life (you wont die if u never have sex till u die , Don't eat like a gluttonous idiot get fat like a buffoon and expect a rosy old age. My grandmother is almost 90 she still does things for herself, she reads and goes to the market to trade even though she has well to do children, she just enjoys going out, walking and relating with people. She was still assigned a house help because you can't expect her children to be coming from their different states of residence to come and be babysitting her.

Some people have nothing yet they give birth to a dozen kids and use that phrase " God that gave them to me will take care of them". You need serious flogging to reset that warped brain of yours idiot

Lostchild:
I am not sure what will happen in the future. I don't know if I will see things differently when I start having children, but with what I have seen and what I am currently seeing, has made me not to desire to reach old age

With what I have seen, I just can't stop asking myself this question, what is the importance for one to have children?

1. My own mother gave birth to 10 children and has many grand children. She spent all her life and all her money raising grand children. She is the type that will rather spend her money on the well being of her grand children than to invest it on my education. I remember anytime I went to her to give me money for school, she will say to me that she has spent all her money on the sickness of my nephews and nieces. She spent all her life savings in raising and helping her grand kids, In her old age is when she began to understand the true nature of humans.

Many times she tells me that she never gave me anyhing as a mother, and if she had known, she would have invest and spend money on me because she realize that in all her children, I am the only one that deeply love her, I am the one that truly cares about her well being. She later remove her eyes from the rest of her children and started looking unto me even though I struggle more than them. The son she never gave anything, was now the one that truly deeply cares about her

In her old age, she began to live like a beggar to her own children. She got to the point where she was at the mercy of her children. When she fell sick and did surgery, she was not able to live alone and became a heavy burden to those she greatly sacrifice her life for.

She saw extreme rejection, abused, betrayals from the very people she greatly sacrifice her life for. In sickness is when she realize that nobody will love her more than herself. My mother cried and went through so much rejection and sufering in sickness, it was so bad that her body was unable to endure the sickness, her body could no longer endure the rejection, the pain and suffering to the point where she died with her eyes wide open. Before her death, I heard two of her grand children says that she is not their mother, so whatever happens to her, it doesn't concern them. I was shock when I heard their statement.

The saddest part for me is that, they spent so much money in hospitals and meds; money they will never ever give to their own mother when she was alive. I even even heard that, one of my sister was recommending a honourable burial ceremony for my late mother, even though they didn't honour the woman when she was alive. As for me, the only person that connect me and them is no more, so I disconnect myself from all of them and knew that I will not see them again. I moved on to start afresh towards the next best years.

2. I recently acknowledge an elderly mama being neglected. Her situation was very, very bad to the point that I was force to yoke myself into her life because this elderly mama is emotionally down. Her living condition was so bad that I started to asked her if she has any children. I was shock when I learnt from others that this elderly mama has children that is doing well in life and many grand children. When ever I visit her, I always see that old age is not a good thing at all. She was now like a burden to her own children and loneliness has now become her only friend. I keep telling her that her poor living condition will get better and that she should stop thinking even though she is full of pain and regret over her life.

With what my mother went through and with what I have seen in life, I keep asking myself, what is the need for one to have children. I went to quora and I saw hundreds of people who even regret having children.

As a humanitarian, I go to rural areas and I see how the elderly's, despite having children, they are heavily suffering.

I see many reasons why it is heart breaking for parents to place their hope on their children who hardly even cares about them.

I am praying to God, never to put me in a situation where I will be at the mercy of any humans, be it children or not.

I will only have children when I have lot of money to save, and even if I have children someday, I will never sacrifice my life for them.

It do not matter if they pay us back, what matter is we leaving our things behind to our blood.

missidy:
Hahaha, you are just talking. If you know you won't have a child, just die when you are 70yrs. Cos if you live longer, you will suffer no matter how rich you are. I have cared for 2 grandparents so I know what I'm talking about. You eat well and have a good lifestyle means you will be strong in old age!!!!! Allow me to laugh.
When you see single ladies in their 40's and late 30's doing all they can to have a child since they aren't lucky with marriage, they are planning their future. Some women that couldn't give birth adopt new born babies and care for the child as theirs. Why do you think Linda Ikeji did everything she could to have a child? She doesn't mind taking care of her child herself. It is because she is preparing for her old age. Off course she won't live with her son in old age since he will be a man with his own family but her son will always visit her regularly and show her unconditional love. After your mother, nobody will ever show you unconditional love except your own child.

Men don't have problems in old age because they don't live that long. The ones who live long still have their wives to care for them and show them love. It is women that live to that very old age and are usually widows by then. Call an old person just to greet and see how he will be thanking you just for that phone call, old people are always thanking me for calling them. It is because they desire love and care at that stage of their lives.
Immediately my mother is 80 and she is still alive, she is moving in with me. I will never let her live by herself at such old age and off course there will be a maid to attend to her as I will be a busy person but the main care will be given by me while my brother supports financially.

Ok ma I have heard you. what is wrong with living to age 70 years? It is not the length of years that matters, it's the impact and lives you've touched that counts. Some people live to be an hundred years without having discovered themselves or touch anyone's live in a positive way. In a country where live expectancy is below 45 years.

I put it to you that a healthy lifestyle will make you fit and able to do so many things yourself when you get to a very old age. Exercise is very key including diet trust me. Eating junk and fatty foods is detrimental to health. These foods usually high in cholesterol makes the artery narrower and therefore the heart has to work harder to pump blood through out the body that's when High Blood pressure, Heart failure, stroke and all those related "old people's" illness sets in. The importance of a healthy lifestyle can't be overemphasized. What we sow in our youthful years we'll reap in old age. You see many old people and many fat people but you hardly see an old fat person above 80. Have you tried to find out why?

Finally on your Google search engine, type Ernestine shepherd. She's 85 years old and she a body builder very fit. Fitter than many 25 year old ladies I see today with their flabby stomach even with waist trainers smh. This kind of person can never be waiting for any kids to take care of her or be kept in a nursing home. She runs 16Km daily. Some 30 year old men can't even run 1km without passing out and breathing like an exhausted camel.

Finally if I ever decide to later consider marriage.Only one child (boy or girl) is enough. my wife must be a sporty person that is she must be interested in at least a sport that she can wake up very early with me to engage in maybe tennis, running, or skipping. Seeing a lady in her training gears sweating it out is so attracting. Eat like a normal person, love fruits and vegetables not eating and getting fat out of proportion then they will now use child birth as excuse as if they are the only one to birth a child. Celebrities that give birth to kids and return back to shape in less than 2 months nko? There's no how you'll live a healthy lifestyle and not be fit at old age. When you see some of your agemates or even your younger ones that are the same age as you and didn't embrace healthy living but instead engage in "destructive habits" the difference will be clear some may look like 20 years older than you are. Its discipline though not every one can persistently engage in such strict lifestyle. NO PAIN NO GAIN

Born2conquer:
It do not matter if they pay us back, what matter is we leaving our things behind to our blood.

That is what I want, I want to leave inheritance for my kids, not to suffer raising kids.

Suffering more because if kids is not for me.

Lostchild:
That is what I want, I want to leave inheritance for my kids, not to suffer raising kids.

Suffering more because if kids is not for me.

Imagine working hard and leaving your inheritance to an outsider

Person fit no Rest In Peace

Born2conquer:
Imagine working hard and leaving your inheritance to an outsider

Person fit no Rest In Peace

Na 100% true.

Children are visitors
Short video: 1 minute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lE7ui_s_aMo

PastorM:
Children are visitors
Short video: 1 minute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lE7ui_s_aMo

First of all, there should never be a competition between spouse and children.
Secondly, if it is about your children leaving then we could as well argue that the husband is to leave the wife first because men die earlier which makes the children more important because they are the ones who will look after their mother.

But like I said, there should be no unhealthy competition. A family is unity.