daddytime:
And someone had the temerity to quote this essay?

Some people no dey fear oh.

Send her the cash to support her with the baby stuff and get on with your present hustle to raise enough cash for your skilling up.

I wished you could have sorted yourself with the girl, but at the end of the day, marriage no be by force.

Do not sever contact with her no matter what. Do your bit in caring for the kid when he/she finally arrives.

Well said. Sometimes I wish thunder would faya those who quote long posts! But I’m now a man of peace.

You’re right.

OP Priceless007 you must show some effort and send money to your babe. I would say you should go there and see her. You are a man not a small boy. And she’s your baby mama. But I don’t know how angry her people are and angry people can be unreasonable sometimes.

Also it is unreasonable for them to try to force marriage on you and her especially when they know you both can neither afford a wedding nor provide for your new family.

It’s not every heavy load a young man can carry in his youth. Sometimes you should allow yourself to grow so that you can conveniently lift that load later on. Think of your future. Spare some cash for her but think for yourself first. When you’re strong enough you will be able to handle the responsibilities, and she will forget the trying times.

Damn you have a lot to learn as a man in this brutal world.

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part , and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part

How do you know you are the father? Was she a virgin be for sex? How do you know she is not F-ucking multiple guys and she picked you because it would be the best for her and her baby. You must verify and stop being submissive to the situation.

it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

This was a stupid move as well. Never throw you self under the bus for little mistakes as such. You didn't murder someone In this world yes you must be honest, but not stupid. You should not have confessed. You didn't even consult the girl. You just threw her under the bus as well. Grow some balls man!

The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error.

WTF kind of school are you going to. This is absolute horrible advice. So you are going to marry someone to go thru school. Maybe it was a blessing to leave. This is shitty advice man.

When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

YOU NEED TO VERIFY THIS KID IS YOURS. The rate at witch the father are not the real parent is 30%.

She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri.

again they only see you as a money tree now. Do not make any promises you cannot keep.

At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded.

See this is why you must confirm and think careful. Now you are involved with people who are liars

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed

You need to go see her and the family. DO NOT GO BY YOUR SELF.
You need to keep all emails and messages on your phone of the conversations.

But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming

If it is your kid it s your responsibility and you need to own up to it. Do not get into a marriage unless you get a DNA test son. You need to turn the tables around. This girl is a stranger.

and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

If that is the rules than that is the rules and leave the family alone.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition

You are pretty self absorbed as well. Maybe this is a blessing for her because at this point you seem selfish and entitled. You better hope to GOD that us not your kid because the last thing you should be is a Clergyman after this statement here. While I do believe in protecting ones self have some ball and stop acting like a B-itch.. Jesus!

If you propose sex education in schools some religious parents will say no. Yet, simple sex education in secondary school could've saved this guy all this trouble. People are going to have sex whether you like it or not, it's better that they're educated about it. Anyway for the OP my advice would be to find out if the baby is really yours first.

sdbaba:
.

Thanks

greenie77:
You ought to have shown up at her family's house by now with an elder or two from your family. Once she gives birth, the child would bear his/her maternal grandfather's name and you can't go claim the child.

It is good to know the traditions about a child born outside marriage in the community where the woman comes from especially in igboland, for some the child would bear the name of the grandfather even after the mother marries while others becomes the child of whoever pays the mother's bride price....ask!

Tradition or no tradition, you cannot legally deny a father access to his child. I have thrashed many cases like this in court and retrieved the child. The law supercedes tradition

airminem:
"""PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn."""




"We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled."

Now she s ended with the stronger punishment.
Now you also have abandoned her with a baby.

Some parents should stop looking for shortcut husband for their daughter abeg.



GUY, STOP ROAMING ABOUT PREGNANTING ROAMING GIRLS.

Women, STOP ROAMING AROUND HAVING SEX WITH MEN.

Her body her choice right.
She sought after him

No one can TELL YOU who to MARRY.

She doesn't have the stronger punishment her parents are dictating the situation.

CharisEleos:
Hm see how devil just used 5mins madness to destroy your peace and career...
Like why can't you people just be like Joseph in terms of self discipline...

Even the girl. Your parents sent you to school and the very first year, you're already sleeping with a man. Without protection for that matter..

If she's someone that has sense, should sex be the first thing she should go and be pursuing immediately she got to school or her career? SMH..

You see, that time you were about to engage in the act was when you should have done what youre doing here now. That is, reason and ask yourself some of the questions you're now posing to us. It is then you should have reasoned you didn't have a job yet and not ready to father a child or get married.

The bible that says flee every appearance of evil is correct after all.

You better go and see the family because the didn't force their daughter on you in the first place. So, now you don buy market, go and carry your goods.

Everytime Sex sex sex.. sex that doesn't give you a happy ending, is that one sex?

When I tell people I've been celibate for many years, they think it's because I'm trying to form super girl. It's because of all these nonsense super story that you men come up with once there's any little mistake plus the fact that my body is the temple of Holy Spirit and not for any coconut head man who's just looking for anywhere to ease himself.
Mtcheeeeewwwwwww.

no body can survive this your deadly punch.thank God, women are not God.

DontBullshitMe:
This story is fake and untrue.

This story is as real as real can be. I am a writer, and when someone is narrating fiction you will notice that most times flow is not unilateral. You may think it is easy to cook up a story and share it unilaterally but it is not. Thats why good fiction writers are celebrated. You cannot fake a narration.

This is how autobiographies are vetted. By looking for breaks or cracks in a narration. Toke makinwa could have just cooked up a story to make a book. But professional publishers would vet it and look for any cracks in its narration. This is a true story. And I wish the gentleman the best in your predicament.

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

How are you sure it's your child?


They have no right to use police on you cos even your school is aware of the mutual intimacy.


Also, do you want to marry the girl?

BRATISLAVA:


But he didn't flee.

He welcomed it.

The lady is just a guilty as he is. It's a pity her penalty is heavier. Could explain her anger.

but why do you ladies like tempting innocent men

In everything you do, NEVER marry that girl. She and her family are evil. You may not even be the father of the baby.

Guy,

Fear us.

Next time if u see toto.
Ask, who be ur father.

Cos this quickie n hot preg dey end up for poor family homes.

Dangote pikin go Sabi wetin to do. In fact, she no go wan sleep with poor boy like u.

Anyways, I understand ur plight. It can be frustrating...

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

Your write up is somewhat long but I read every word of it cos I'm an avid reader and an author. Reading and writing is my life.
I'm also something else too...a chosen. Yes, I have the calling which I have been running from for so long. I hope to answer it this year or next, God willing.

Listen and I'll speak to your from experience and as one older than you.

1. You are very selfish.
2. You are destroying your life with your own hands.

Do you see your write up? See how many times you mention stuff like 'my life, 'my calling', 'my education', 'my work'. If I may ask, what about the life of the girl you impregnated and that of the child she carries? You are a poor church rat at the moment, do you even think marry you is her dream?

My brother, you are too selfish to go far in the business of God's work.
If it's God that really called you and not hardship or a desire to start a gold mine of a church of your own then trust me when I say that if you ruin that girl's life if will be like a dark shadow over your through out your selfish life. It will limit your glory and restrict God's blessings for you.

You have been very wicked to that girl.

Come to think of it, did it ever occur to you that you could marry that girl and leave her in her father's house till you are financially stable? Perhaps it's the catholic church you wanna join where priests do not marry, hence, marriage scares you so much that you prefer to ruin you life instead.

As a man of God by calling you will always find money-making and things in general very hard until you answer that calling. I should know.
Go and marry that girl then leave her with her parents and take your marriage certificate to your old school and finish your studies. They did give you marriage as a condition to continue right? And here you are running so fast from the solution?

I really feel like giving you a good beating not just to reset you brian but to level up the scores because it looks to me that the girl was seriously cheated in this matter.


Pls Note
All those giving you the advice of not marrying the girl because her parents are trying to force you to do the right thing don't understand Igbo tradition. It's a terrible thing for a girl child to get pregnant in her father's house. It attracts great shame and in some cases can be taboo. All those Igbo based Nollywood movies where the father drives the daughter out of the house for getting pregnant out of wedlock is based on real-life stories... Igbo tradition, which is very stong in Imo state *(my state).

That's girl's parents are desperate to save themselves and their daughter a lot of shame. That they still keep her with them shows great love.

Cheers!

Priceless007:


I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal...

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

/
The only skill you need is in Sex Education, specifically, how to put on a condom.

/

Saynoomore:
Op, just move on! A marriage starting on threats and harassment is no marriage! Imagine bringing armed forces to compel this poor dude into marriage! It speaks a lot about the prospective in-laws, their cantankerous character, and the troublesome would be wife! I hate people who resolve family matters ( which should be a civilian affair) with militarism. Send whatever you can afford occasionally for the child's upbringing and NEVER have anything to do with marrying her, not because you don't have the wherewithal but because they have not demonstrated the capacity to be instruments of peace! What were they expecting the military to do? Throw you into jail? Will you marry or cater for the kid while in jail? Arant nonsense!

10000% agree with you.

chukel:
In everything you do, NEVER marry that girl. She and her family are evil. You may not even be the father of the baby.

I disagree.
Are you Igbo? Do you know the kind of disgrace and stigma that comes to the parents of a girl who got pregnant in her father's house? How about the girl herself?

In Igbo land, to find young girls driven out of their homes for getting pregnant is not odd at all. Sometimes the parent's marriage to older men just to save face.

Igbos are not like Yoruba and Calabar people who consider it ok for a girl to stay in her father's house *(unmarried) and have kids. That girl's parents are doing all they can to save themselves from terrible public shame.

Juliusmomoh:
You only had sex with her once. And the next she did was telling u that she's pregnant after several weeks... Is anyone thinking what am thing?



No mind am.. The guy get mind Bleep for theologian school.

As in... How is he even sure he's the father? Looks to be she's trying to pin the pregnancy on him.

Hmmm, Truth is bitter but I will have to tell it to both of you.
Do not make the mistake of marrying a lady or a guy on the grounds of
1. Pity
2.Pregnancy
Regrets usually knocks at their door in the future.
The one that acted nice or pitied usually becomes the victim.
Note: there are exceptions but very very few this days.
In-laws way don dey use police and propaganda attack your family at this stage, my brother take sense because when stronger issues arise in your marriage in the future, expect expression of regret and worst action from such in-laws.
Be careful, so that while trying to protect one thing, you won't loose all including your life.
I pray you understand

Op can you send her number privately, a friend wants to marry her with the pregnancy

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

...of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

The genesis of your problems. Are you obligated to tell them? Go and confess to God and not men.

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

The first mistake you made was going to report the matter to the college admin, those people has no mercy in their dictionary, they don't know the definition of mercy, they bring hash judgement on offenders. Is not that am encouraging what you did with the lady but some things are better handled privately, do you know the secret sins committed by the same people you reported yourself to? Some times we bring hard time upon ourselves and we blame it on God.

My advice, don't bother yourself over the lady and her family for now if she's not ready to reason with you. Concentrate on sorting yourself out for now, your issue with her and the baby can be resolve later in the future. Guy go and make money and make it big, when you make money they will come begging you with the child later in the future. Try your hand on cryprocurrency while you learn your skill and try every other legit things that can make you rich.

Good luck

It's quite unfortunate. But why? I pity the young lady who wanted to be a preacher of the gospel.
You may have used your influence as her senior to lure and finally putting her in a family way. Now the innocent girl is expelled while you were only suspended.
I will advice you seek for forgiveness from the girl and do the needful before its took late.
You have not even started, you have gone the other way. I just pity your choristers.

Kindly check my points
1. Go to God for forgiveness and show of mercy.

2. Be sure you are the owner of the pregnancy

3. Take responsibility through commitment by going to see her parents.

4. If you still wish to continue your missionary work which this little sin has cost you. Then, this type of lady can not support your vision. So forget about it. This will still affect your calling later in life.

5. Ask for help with someone you can talk to.

God will see you through. You really need help now. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Eze2000:




Your write up is somewhat long but I read every word of it cos I'm an avid reader and an author. Reading and writing is my life.
I'm also something else too...a chosen. Yes, I have the calling which I have been running from for so long. I hope to answer it this year or next, God willing.

Listen and I'll speak to your from experience and as one older than you.

1. You are very selfish.
2. You are destroying your life with your own hands.

Do you see your write up? See how many times you mention stuff like 'my life, 'my calling', 'my education', 'my work'. If I may ask, what about the life of the girl you impregnated and that of the child she carries? You are a poor church rat at the moment, do you even think marry you is her dream?

My brother, you are too selfish to go far in the business of God's work.
If it's God that really called you and not hardship or a desire to start a gold mine of a church of your own then trust me when I say that if you ruin that girl's life if will be like a dark shadow over your through out your selfish life. It will limit your glory and restrict God's blessings for you.

You have been very wicked to that girl.

Come to think of it, did it ever occur to you that you could marry that girl and leave her in her father's house till you are financially stable? Perhaps it's the catholic church you wanna join where priests do not marry, hence, marriage scares you so much that you prefer to ruin you life instead.

As a man of God by calling you will always find money-making and things in general very hard until you answer that calling. I should know.
Go and marry that girl then leave her with her parents and take your marriage certificate to your old school and finish your studies. They did give you marriage as a condition to continue right? And here you are running so fast from the solution?

I really feel like giving you a good beating not just to reset you brian but to level up the scores because it looks to me that the girl was seriously cheated in this matter.


Pls Note
All those giving you the advice of not marrying the girl because her parents are trying to force you to do the right thing don't understand Igbo tradition. It's a terrible thing for a girl child to get pregnant in her father's house. It attracts great shame and in some cases can be taboo. All those Igbo based Nollywood movies where the father drives the daughter out of the house for getting pregnant out of wedlock is based on real-life stories... Igbo tradition, which is very stong in Imo state *(my state).

That's girl's parents are desperate to save themselves and their daughter a lot of shame. That they still keep her with them shows great love.

Cheers!

You DONT even know the girl!
You dont know if she slept around multiple men.

Stop trying to confuse tradition with cucking.

You automatically sided with the woman because you are emotionally compromised. IN your feelings.

I feel like giving YOU a good beating because there are many men fathering kids that are not biologically theirs. So shut your trap.

Emmanuel909090:
Op can you send her number privately, a friend want to marry her with the pregnancy

Give me his number so I can tell him how much a loser he is for trying to exploit a pregnant woman.

Ignos can be everything bad, but their girls dont get pregnant out of wedlock even if they date for 20years.how come? Man accept that preg and move on

Few minutes enjoyment has given birth to too many problems in this country, eg. PMB.

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

Don't you have a family, parents? Go to your family and seek advice.

If I were to advice you, go pay the bride price, discuss with her family since they have the money to harass you with military and police, then they might have the money to sponsor a little marriage thing between you and their daughter. Thereafter discuss with them to help you look after your wife and your child while you back back to the school to finish your trainings and calls, but always make sure you send money to your wife and kid regularly, and visit them too and regularly support them emotionally and psychologically too.

Theoutsider:


Give me his number so I can tell him how much a loser he is for trying to exploit a pregnant woman.

Lol, he is confused, another precisely know what he wants, he want to marry an 8 months pregnant woman, so its left for him to decide.

The girl was already pregnant before you guys had sex
That's why her mum wasn't bothered that she got expelled
She planned it with her mum to tie the pregnancy to you
She get another person wey dey send her money for belle,(owner gan gan)
But that one no wan marry her
So,you should marry her
I think.............

this is no time for blame game and I'm glad you accepted your errors but how can you be so careless?



you're in theology school, friendship with opposite sex should even be the least of your focus, your skills and the calling should have supersede everything



but the theology school are partial, why do they have to expel the lady and suspend you perhaps because the confession comes from you and not from her though



try and pay the lady's bride price in a little way, Igbo doesn't joke with their marital culture, for the sake of your baby pay her bride price. if she's not good for marriage then she's not good for fúck, I'm sure you fúck her more than one time that for her pregnant



advise for guys, never go raw on a lady you can't wife at home you might be on the same situation with this guy



the skill and her bride price in a moderate way, giving the fact that you don't have much yet, pay for her bride price and appealed to her parents that you want to try and arrange for apartment which you will come and pick their daughter and baby later, you can reach agreement of 3-4months to gather yourself to learn the skills and make some cash

Ingleesh:
The girl was already pregnant before you guys had sex
That's why her mum wasn't bothered that she got expelled
She planned it with her mum to tie the pregnancy to you
She get another person wey dey send her money for belle,(owner gan gan)
But that one no wan marry her
So,you should marry her
I think.............

clown everywhere


you got to know this as? online detective everywhere