₦airaland Forum

If at all u can see my reply, then see a lawyer for ur own safty and not a police. U said, they came with police and soldiers to search 4 u, which I Think is nt all. And they pronounced rape. No dis isn't a little case run to ur lawyer and confess ur truth now she hasn't put to birth. Thanks.

OP If you have to bring your problems to Nairaland you have to be tough. Lots of them are overtly self righteous and judgmental. Lots of the comments I am seeing feels like they were made by angels who have never sinned or made a mistake in their lives. I can imagine how you feel reading those words in addition to what you are going through. I'm so sorry man. You will get through this.

To your matter...
Id advice you to drop everything that you are doing and seek the face of God in fasting and prayer. Your main request is for genuine repentance, grace, favour and direction.
The matter you are facing is first spiritual than physical. The devil wants to ruin your destiny. You must first break the yoke and get victory spiritually.

Secondly you must grow some balls. Stop allowing the girl and her parents bully you and your family. You must tell them that you will not marry the girl. Not now not ever. That you guys were not in a relationship.

Then you must determine if you are the father of the child. So tell the girl and her parents that you will need to do a DNA to determine the child's paternity. It is only logical for both families sake. You dont want to train another man's child and they shouldnt want to have the wrong man claim paternity to the child. They could get angry and all..but the truth remains that she could have it with some other guy except if that was her first time.(I wonder how you would even know being such a naive guy.Well these are some indications that she was a virgin. Did she bleed? Did you find it difficult penetrating her vagina?)

Wait till after the child's delivery and save towards it. It is very important. Dont just accept the child because a lady said you are the father. Be sure. If they refuse Bro face your life and don't look back.

Thirdly if that college is where you feel you have to be, go back there and find someone influential who can plead your case.
How can they ask someone with no job to go get married. Ask them if married men are immune to temptations.

Let them reinstate you. If they refuse, bro there are many such institutions in Nigeria. Leave and start afresh somewhere else. You sound like a hardworker. Focus, work raise money snd sponsor yourself in school or a vocation.

Listen what you have done was a mistake. A sin yes!But its not the end of the world. You have not committed an unpardonable sin. God has already forgiven you. Forgive yourself and move on. Except if you must have felt that they girl would have reported you to the authorities it was not necessary for you to have reported yourself. It was a private sin. Repent in private and learn and move on. You and the girl could have dealt with it more maturely and privately and found a way to sort things out without jeopardizing your careers and life.

Keep pushing my man.

BRATISLAVA:
[s]He wouldn't only be a fake pastor fornicator, like all of them secretly are, but also an unrepentant liar...if he follows this advice.

He knows how to have illicit sex with a Halo, he should know how to deal with the consequences[/s].

We see you awon eyan Satan dwarf. Use the opportunity to peddle your antichurch lies.

OP, no one seems to be telling you the truth, going through the first page. Some people even want to adsorb you of the blame.

You impregnated a young girl and you're running away from its responsibility. You want to hang the entire responsibility of your coming girl on the girl and her family.

What advise exactly do you want from us? You're looking for a justification to keep running around? How do you expect them to raise the child on your behalf?

Since you could not use protection or abort the baby, then live with the consequences of your action.

penocrat1:
You are very bitter.Please heal.

Those of you calling yourselves a hypocrite for a harmless comment I made are the real hypocrites because if you were the girls parents, will you give the op a bear hug for doing that to your daughter?

What you can take, you're here advising someone to do it to others. Generation of vipers. Keep encouraging evil.

This is the opportunity you're supposed to use to condemn such wrong and immoral act so that the small boys and girls here can learn and desist from it, but you're busy spewing trash all over the place. Before you know it, it's already at your door step staring you in the face. Then ill see how you'll handle it will a wide smile.


You are the bitter one here.

The pregnancy is not yours. They want you to marry her before giving birth ..... they want money to buy stuff for the baby before giving birth ... but if you don't marry her they want nothing to do with you period. Reading between the lines .... they know who is responsible ... it is not you ... and they know most likely the baby will not look anything like you. Maybe she got pregnant by a Chinese ... or Arab ... or Indian ... or someone who has a different colour ..... or..... some random guy. If you think I am off the chart ... tell them you'll like to have a DNA test to confirm the baby is yours ... I can guarantee you all hell will break loose.

Originalsly:
The pregnancy is not yours. They want you to marry her before giving birth ..... they want money to buy stuff for the baby before giving birth ... but if you don't marry her they want nothing to do with you period. Reading between the lines .... they know who is responsible ... it is not you ... and they know most likely the baby will not look anything like you. Maybe she got pregnant by a Chinese ... or Arab ... or Indian ... or someone who has a different colour ..... or..... some random guy. If you think I am off the chart ... tell them you'll like to have a DNA test to confirm the baby is yours ... I can guarantee you all hell will break loose.

SMH..
Why?? Hm...

NewSoul:
Don't mind them ma, I'm working very hard to be like you. Celibacy and sexual purity will catapult a man to very great height. You're blessed ma

May God give you the grace like he did me.

Thanks dear.

franciskaine:
and Jesus said, "he who's without blemish should cast the stone". Sometimes, we talk like we are all knowing and infallible, but this shouldn't be.

In life, never say or believe you can't experience what others are facing, especially things agonising. If you don't have a word of admonition or advice to give, then let silence lead.

Those of you calling yourselves a hypocrite for a harmless comment I made are the real hypocrites because if you were the girls parents, will you give the op a bear hug for doing that to your daughter?

What you can take, you're here advising someone to do it to others. Generation of vipers. Keep encouraging evil.

This is the opportunity you're supposed to use to condemn such wrong and immoral act so that the small boys and girls here can learn and desist from it, but you're busy spewing trash all over the place. Before you know it, it's already at your door step staring you in the face. Then ill see how you'll handle it will a wide smile.


You are the bitter one here.

DNA is very expensive though. For those saying DNA. The man who cannot raise 20k shouldn't be talking of DNA

Orpe7:
Na miracle baby

Bad guy . U always makes me laugh

Maybe if he hadn't ruined her life because he was "seduced", she won't be hellbent on ruining his life as well.

That last sentence, you quoted the wrong person. Keep your small thinking to yourself please.

mudiana:
It takes two to tangle. I am sure that gal wanted to trap him with the baby. she could have terminated the pregnancy without anyone knowing. She is bent on getting married by all means even if it means wrecking someone's life to accomplish her goal. most ladies wat they want in life is just marriage and start giving birth to children like fowl. no goal, no ambition. mk she getat abeg!!!

Are u sure dis girl was not pregnant bfor u guys had sex....

Qudsi:
We see you awon eyan Satan dwarf. Use the opportunity to peddle your antichurch lies.

Anti fake pastors.

The church can exist for all eternity, but those people called fake pastors must be flushed out. Most especially the ones who are lustful and constantly looking for sexual experiences with women under their care.

If you have a problem with that, maybe you're a fornicator who preaches righteousness and Holiness and grace.

Eze2000:
I disagree.
Are you Igbo? Do you know the kind of disgrace and stigma that comes to the parents of a girl who got pregnant in her father's house? How about the girl herself?

In Igbo land, to find young girls driven out of their homes for getting pregnant is not odd at all. Sometimes the parent's marriage to older men just to save face.

Igbos are not like Yoruba and Calabar people who consider it ok for a girl to stay in her father's house *(unmarried) and have kids. That girl's parents are doing all they can to save themselves from terrible public shame.

nwanne, i am igbo and i have my reasons for making tgat comment. Yo most likely did not read the story to the end. A family that can gang up and lie that the poster raped the girl, got her pregnant and absconded. They even went with police to effect arrest of the guy. Will you want to get entangled with such family? Just take your time and read the story. You will see that marriage will never last if it happens. From the story, he may not even be responsible for the pregnancy.

You don’t have any excuse. From your write up i think you’re just running away from your responsibilities. Go and see her parent.

lusid:
but why do you ladies like tempting innocent men

What if he was the one who tempted her? Sexual indiscretions aren't caused by women.

The man has the penis. Sex won't happen unless he wants it. So you men need to practice what you preach in scriptures and overcome your lusts.

In summary, despite your financial situation you were still very silly to not use a condom and not only did you get a girl expelled from theological college, you have further ruined her by getting her pregnant!

Now you are crying for help over an unwanted pregnancy yet you were licking your lips and speaking in tongues while smashing the girl. What did you think was the end result of your bad decision to not use protection?

Bonjovi13:
OP If you have to bring your problems to Nairaland you have to be tough. Lots of them are overtly self righteous and judgmental. Lots of the comments I am seeing feels like they were made by angels who have never sinned or made a mistake in their lives. I can imagine how you feel reading those words in addition to what you are going through. I'm so sorry man. You will get through this.

To your matter...
Id advice you to drop everything that you are doing and seek the face of God in fasting and prayer. Your main request is for genuine repentance, grace, favour and direction.
The matter you are facing is first spiritual than physical. The devil wants to ruin your destiny. You must first break the yoke and get victory spiritually.

Secondly you must grow some balls. Stop allowing the girl and her parents bully you and your family. You must tell them that you will not marry the girl. Not now not ever. That you guys were not in a relationship.

Then you must determine if you are the father of the child. So tell the girl and her parents that you will need to do a DNA to determine the child's paternity. It is only logical for both families sake. You dont want to train another man's child and they shouldnt want to have the wrong man claim paternity to the child. They could get angry and all..but the truth remains that she could have it with some other guy except if that was her first time.(I wonder how you would even know being such a naive guy.Well these are some indications that she was a virgin. Did she bleed? Did you find it difficult penetrating her vagina?)

Wait till after the child's delivery and save towards it. It is very important. Dont just accept the child because a lady said you are the father. Be sure. If they refuse Bro face your life and don't look back.

Thirdly if that college is where you feel you have to be, go back there and find someone influential who can plead your case.
How can they ask someone with no job to go get married. Ask them if married men are immune to temptations.

Let them reinstate you. If they refuse, bro there are many such institutions in Nigeria. Leave and start afresh somewhere else. You sound like a hardworker. Focus, work raise money snd sponsor yourself in school or a vocation.

Listen what you have done was a mistake. A sin yes!But its not the end of the world. You have not committed an unpardonable sin. God has already forgiven you. Forgive yourself and move on. Except if you must have felt that they girl would have reported you to the authorities it was not necessary for you to have reported yourself. It was a private sin. Repent in private and learn and move on. You and the girl could have dealt with it more maturely and privately and found a way to sort things out without jeopardizing your careers and life.

Keep pushing my man.

thank you for giving him this sound advice

CharisEleos:
A hypocrite for calling a spade a spade? I can't see a bad thing and begin to romance it just to make everyone feel good. Never!

Deal with it!

Those of you calling yourselves a hypocrite for a harmless comment I made are the real hypocrites because if you were the girls parents, will give the op a bear hug for doing that to your daughter?

What you can take, you're here advising someone to do it to others. Generation of vipers. Keep encouraging evil.

This is the opportunity you're supposed to use to condemn such wrong and immoral act so that the small boys and girls here can learn and desist from it, but you're busy spewing trash all over the place. Before you know it, it's already at your door step staring you in the face. Then ill see how you'll handle it will a wide smile.

You still remain a hypocrites. Nobody is asking you to not call a spade a spade. But your self-righteousness is making you think so bias of the issue that you do not even have an open understanding of the subject matter.
I would have giving you understanding but comprehension seems to be a big challenge for you.

Anyway, not casting charades at you but you sound familiar to stories like this below.

https://punchng.com/ladies-who-lived-promiscuous-lives-first-to-insult-people-online-ali-baba/?utm_term=Autofeed&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR3prBo-pPdHj__FJZzDCDRBbdARmo0UuyOa5ZZ1fTixyP8D3I4dR1SH73w#Echobox=1627171148

NewSoul:
Don't mind them ma, I'm working very hard to be like you. Celibacy and sexual purity will catapult a man to very great height. You're blessed ma

What great height? Most of the great people you see had/have sex without strings. All you said are just things people say when they suddenly feel they need to be celibate. There are so many wretched celibate people and where's the greatness in that?

A person who never made a mistake never
tried anything new. -- Albert Einstein

www.nairaland.com/attachments/13900158_dearpastthank_jpeg_jpegdb11b56dcd31f27e7abf4625978d6c01

CharisEleos:
SMH..
Why?? Hm...

Give me a reason why a parent /a pregnant person would want everything to to with the assumed baby father before birth but absolutely nothing after birth?

Emmanuel909090:
Op can you send her number privately, a friend want to marry her with the pregnancy

Is that so called " friend" impotent? Or, does he have low sperm count?

Sorry to say this but this OP is senseless, u committed a crime wholeheartedly and went on to report yourself and the girl, putting yourself in this problem and making an innocent girl to get expelled, when the toto was calling, why didn't you control your John Thomas, your first mistake was to report ur sin when u know the consequences of ur actions, if u haven't reported, u will still be doing ur skill and be earning some money, even wen the lady comes and tell u she is pregnant, she can just leave the college for medical purposes and give birth without it affecting your skill and you be able to cater for her and the baby.
Mind you, in Igbo culture, if you don't pay her bride price before she give birth, that child does not belong to you, it will automatically belong to her family, and nothing u can do abt it and in igbo culture, u don't finish marrying, so start the process in stages and claim ur child, by the way, you can sleep with a lady once and she can take in, go study ur biology

My own is those silly people screaming DNA test for a man who can barely provide for himself.
As for the op,I hate irresponsible men like you who refuse to take responsibility for what you did
I honestly don't blame the parents for everything they're doing because left for you,you would've already abandoned the child and mother
Let me use this opportunity to remind myself and other young girld like me on the advantages of celibacy

My dear brother I'm also a young minister , I won't blame you .
You are a man and you have flesh and blood running through your veins . We all make mistakes and the best of it all is how to go beyond it .
Let he who has not sin cast stone on you , at least you are still better off those who commit abortion ,or drug the girl forcefully to abort the pregnancy. I'm not justifying your action but as much as I see you don't need condemnation at the moment .

Like I said earlier as a man of God ,you have a calling and this is one of the vices of the enemies to pull down your destiny. The battle you are fighting is not a emotional battle , you are fighting a battle aimed at terminating your calling and probably in a way you didn't identity the enemy so quick.
The did has been done YOU CAN NEVER ABORT OR ABANDON HER , look not what the world will say , you can rise again settle with her family and after she put to birth ,go for a DNA to be sure the child is yours and if it's yours gladly accept it and sit her down to consider somethings with you , while you return to theological college or learn work.
But never forget in this present time the only took you need is PRAYER .
Go on marathon to seek the face of God asking for mercy and pray this prayers

1. Deliverance by fire from every addiction that wants to destroy ur destiny...

2. Deliverance from every addiction that wants to empty u....

3 Deliverance from sin placed on u by anointed hand...

4.Grace to force out n get to the next level of manifestation...

AFter that I volunteer to send you some impactful messages on this issue " Church and sexual matters by Pastor Femi Lazarus" it will bless your life .

IF YOU COMMITTED THE SIN IN SECRET AND YOU OPENLY TOLD THE SCHOOL ADMIN , THEN YOUR PEDALS OF FAITH IS STILL CONSCIOUS.

To reach me for further conversation my number is 08147763060

PRAY LIKE AN AFRICAN

30naira:
Tradition or no tradition, you cannot legally deny a father access to his child. I have thrashed many cases like this in court and retrieved the child. The law supercedes tradition

Hmmm....Has any of your cases involved men who have denied pregnancies and walked away, the women had the baby and years later the men reappear to "retrieve" the child?

beardedboy:
Do you have a laptop and access to the internet?

I can teach you WordPress within a week. I'll share hot resources with you, tell you how to make clients.

I'm not an audio or motivational teacher. I've built websites for local and foreign brands. I have trained many folks.

If you're interested send a DM.

Please bossman ,I beg you to teach me. I lost the password to the email I used in opening my nairaland account. You can reach me thru :

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

Marry?

Have you people done genotype test to even know if you are both compatible?

When you guys don't even know if the child is safe!

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

Please never make a mistake of marrying anyone out if pity. You got her pregnant and so what? It's not a must you have to marry her. If you do not want to marry her, then don't. If you really do, you'll continue to regret it all the days of your life.

Rather be a man, accept responsibility for now, agree to give monthly stipends and if you have the money please go for a DNA test.

Visit the family with some of your friends and uncles or cousins. Never accept to marry her. Just insist on you paying for child support.

Why didnt you use condom