Pecoleee345:


Get well soon.....i will have a conversation with you when you get married.

It is a simple 2+2=4 to you....when you get married then you will understand.

I am very much married, so let's have the conversation, I'm waiting.

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

Ok.

TarOrfeeek:
My current GF is from a single mother home.

Immediately I finished reading this topic. I will break up with her mentally.

..never laughed this hard on NL b4

Pecoleee345:
l
Yea.....i messed up in that aspect..... Especially the background check and way of life.

The worst one was the medical check it was two years into marriage I found out she had weak womb due to abortion....

Wahala for who no marry virgin.

Rozcol:
She's your responsibility as wife and her primary duty is to give care and not provide, be a masculine man and not a man who feels relaxed watching his wife toil to help him share responsibility.

That is what Pecoleee345 said.
She is in her father's house, let her father be the masculine man and not watch his daughter toil to for herself.

Bullsh*t talk.

Good news. Let the daughter of Jezebel and her advisers go fucck themselves. I am happy you took my advice in the previous thread. Cheers to your freedom brother.

Am also a victim. The greatest gift God will give a man is a good wife. Forget wealth though important

Once you made the mistake, you can't easily recover early. Shine your eye very well before you marry because marriage is like an unlimited liability company.

Your girl friend may not be the best in marriage because the game is different. Is so deep but be extremely careful

AutoChick4U:
Aeya sorry. Im a single mom but definitely raising my kid in love. Not all single moms bad sha

I agree. And I hope you raise that kid of yours not just in love but also in quality character.

donbachi:
No perfect woman.but,make we no meet the ones wey go kill us.

It would be fair to have said "No perfect human" being .
Same way a man wants a "good" woman is how a woman wants a "good" man.

Though, I think understanding is more important than love in a marriage.

Put that kinda mindset in a trash can

muykem:
Bro, you don't need to divorce her. 90% of women you will meet are the same. There's no woman without a reason why she should be divorced.

byinks:


Cervical incompetence ?

Don't leave her because of that, there are ways around that. See a good OBGYN.

You're advising a young man to waste his time and resources going for multiple tests and endless prayer houses because of a barren woman?

OP was not there when she was fvcking around and having abortions.


God forbid!!!

Sorry you had to learn this the hard way brother. Most guys won't listen till they get burned. Don't let it weigh you down.


You'll find help here
https://www.nairaland.com/6048178/reality-every-guy-need-know

bro..sorry o, u looked to her face and said am divorcig you...not considerin d comsequencies. my story was similar to yours when i had issue with my spkusenafter 4kids, our issues were quarellings, lack of respect for each other,lack of trust amd anger at slightest provocation, she even packed out her loads and left.

well not that i can behave like u did. i would hv shook them too when they said all and done. but i just decide to safe my marriage. Today we arw hapily together and all issues has been resolved. My advice sir , is that safer your marriage and stop adding to the counts of broken home.

Remenber i saw your first post too and i saw ,what transpired earlier.

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

I feel your pain brother, how can one know about the background of "our today's ladies?"

It's very very difficult cos a lady can transformed within a twinkling of an eye just to get a man when it comes to marriage.

Please do your best to be happy and don't always talk about your "ex" wife so that ppl won't take advantage of you, thank you.

TarOrfeeek:


Whether she exhibit.

Whether she nor exhibit

I no like wahala.

Buhari hardship is enough for one person.

My nigga.

So you’re back to streets now ?? I’m single though, just in case

for guys like you ur peace of mind is important is very important to u and i understand...don't divorce her she will come to her senses everybody has a breaking point....if u divorce her now and marry another woman ...na another wahala be dat oh....na different packages all of dem dey come with.....but pls if u r going to marry for both genders marry someone that is intelligent and understanding...all dis stuffs u suppose don see am during courtship

DaddyRochie1642:
Well, We learn everyday,

It seems you didn't do your due diligence before you got married, now your eyes have Cleared.

The Best Lessons we learn in Life is when we "Learn it the Hard way".

Life is an Excellent Teacher.

Please remember that some people won't survive learning the hard way, so the best is to learn from what happen to others, thank you.

DaddyRochie1642:




You're in pains, I feel your pains but am sorry I cant help myself I just have to say it,.

I'm sure when the Love dey Shack you that time, you were like,
"Baby you're the angel of My Life", "Baby you're the Oxygen that I breathe", "Baby I can't do without you", "Baby any day I don't see your Face my day is not complete", "Baby without you in my Life, my Life is not Complete"

there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that when you love genuinely it’s not a big deal or person go de inside relationship begin de eulogize negatively? Even the ones wey no love each other de talk am how much more the true lovers. So that one no mean abeg na norms

Pecoleee345:
l
Yea.....i messed up in that aspect..... Especially the background check and way of life.

The worst one was the medical check it was two years into marriage I found out she had weak womb due to abortion....

blood of Jesus
Which means she has been sleeping around before you got married to her

Wow sometimes I done talk to girl / woman people think am being arrogant and snubing

Rozcol:
I pity women who gives men like you a chance in their life and making them miserable all in the name of women bringing something to the table. Women are not providers,you men of this generation should go learn from your forefathers.

Truth is, women only make reference when if favours them.
Most of our forefathers married virgins.
Most of their wife's, know their place in marriage.
These days, a woman want equality and yet shy away from responsibility.

RightToReject:
I wager you were one of the wannabe kind and wannabe libertarian people who, prior to now, do see any man, and vice versa, who abhors nonsense and does not pander to the whims and caprices of small-minded women as a violent/angry man - of course, I don't hold brief for hypocritically crass and opportunistic men. Servility is as bad as cruelty, say no to both of them.

The condoning of nonsense under any guise doesn't make one mature and isn't a sign of emotional intelligence. The bigger amount of nonsense one condones, the shorter their lifespan. Always come into equity with clean hands and expect and accept nothing less ethically.

Love wasn't one of the causes of your problem; instead, your erroneous understanding of it and application of it was the problem. So also her background as a product of single parentage wasn't automatically the cause of her flaws as you alleged, but her poor ethical leanings which she's the sole architect of, was, and probably made worse through your indulgence at the inception of your relationship with her.

gbam! Let me simplify for those who may not understand. Yoruba's have a saying 'nkan ti o ba le gba ni olowo, lati talika ni o ma ti ko'. Translated: what you can't condone as a rich man, na from when you broke you supos dey clear about am. Don't be stupid, thinking you are being understanding.

CharisEleos:


The op only adivsed his audience to avoid ladies with such. He never said his ex had it. Maybe I missed that part.

Read all over again and stop arguing. Peace

Xilsbridalhouse:
pecoleee345

There are 3 sides to a story, yours, hers and the truth.

I have a feeling you are leaving her because of the test result. Perhaps you detested her afterwards and now making her look bad to everyone to justify your actions.

is she not a bad person to have hidden such information?

Congrats my Brother ...Divorce any wahalla from you life ..in the next 120 days you will find your real wife

The mistake the family made is to allow the lady speak first. You can't get a fact when you allow the female speak before the male.

Everything and most especially number 3 is the BOMB. If she is from a single mum, you run for your dear life. Women raised by single mothers are 95% toxic and guess what their spouse will always be at the receiving end. I pray God satisfy your heart desires and wipe your tears. Goodluck!

Kiezodumah:


This might not be true. You said she had an abortion right ? So that means it was once. Induced abortion come in different forms: injections, oral, intra vaginal tablets ,evacuation or D&C
What method( s) were used ?
Now if it were tablets and or injections I don't think that shud cause issues going forward.Same cud be said abt evacuation.
However, a D n C cud pose issues and not jst once but rigorous or multiple times.
She might just be suffering from cervical incompetence, which is the inability to carry pregnancy to term. It cud be congenital acquired or no causative factor at all.

So she suffering from cervical incompetence is my fault.....or she not telling before about the abortion is my fault......I just don't understand.

She has a problem she caused herself but I should be one running around to solve it for her??

FYI i was ready to pay for medical solutions but she insisted it is spiritual attack from her side......so what am I supposed to do tie a rope to her neck and drag her to the hospital??

Rozcol:
Most men don't value women who assist them and I'm not against any woman who wants to toil to assist her man but men should know that its solely their responsibility to provide and stop making it a mandatory thing for the women to provide as well because this is what you modern men are after these days.Any sane woman will know when to assist her man without been told.I jump and pass all these men asking women that silly question of "What are you bringing to the table"

Now I see why back in the days our forefathers refuse to train their female children is because of this mentality.

Pecoleee345:

No.....she had miscarriage twice
It was two year into marriage I got to know she had an abortion while in school.

She has a weak womb according to test results.

Now, this is your main reason for seeking divorce. Others are just excuses

Rozcol:
She's your responsibility as wife and her primary duty is to give care and not provide, be a masculine man and not a man who feels relaxed watching his wife toil to help him share responsibility.

This is a false mentality and you better lose it.
Who ever gave you this analogy doesn't like you.
Marriage is not an arrangement unless you have one then get a deed and let it be the operating rule.
Its friendship and working together as one

Pecoleee345:
l
Yea.....i messed up in that aspect..... Especially the background check and way of life.

The worst one was the medical check it was two years into marriage I found out she had weak womb due to abortion....

Please don't dive into many details about your "ex" wife cos it may hurt you sooner or later, thank you.