₦airaland Forum

NoToPile:
So what exactly do some men want? Some have been whining on this thread on how they can't provide alone , yet some are still complaining about financially stable women who can also provide.

So what exactly do they want.

Good some are now realizing the bolded and it goes both ways male and female.

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

pansophist:
Read my response to Tutu82.

Furthermore, for better for worse is not biblical. There are religious, cultural, legal and ethical conditions for divorce. So you'll expect a man/woman to stay with a serial cheater or/and a violent partner because of "for better for worse"? Don't do that.

Your life is more important than marriage. And if a partner feel secured that you should accept their inhumanity under "for better for worse", then that should be more reason why you should dump them and move on. Enjoy marriage, don't endure it.

Munzy14:
First to your question, a good woman...Igbos call it Ezinwaanyi....

It takes a good woman to change a man...

Financially productive is one thing, doing it under a condition/conditions is another thing garnished with some pride and arrogance to a spouse/partner is the turn-off.

The both ways you talking about is funny if you agree it is both ways...
The moment a man achieves financial comfort, his heart began to search for love and to start a family with all humility and responsibility...Regarding challenges...
Note: This is for most men not all..

Same can't be said for most women..Their is this pride and arrogance in a way.

This is reality and from experience..

Normally guys do date such women, but the moment it narrows down to marriage, they will collect usain bolt..

A family friend wanted to marry a lady...actually a magistrate...Hehehehe his father said over his dead body will he allow his son marry fire...Only God knows what they went through in her hands for the man to make such statement..
Even with her status, currently she heads a major arm of government in a state...Yet that marriage never happened.

In fact, the dude married a cool headed chic and zoomed off the state...enjoying marital bliss.

This life wether virgin or not....Just be a good woman as the woman you are.....Women arr created to run things without being in the lead..But some want to lead and run things as well under feminist... a sorry case.

EmperorTolson:
Who is a Virgin? If you've been fingering yourself back to back and no-one has actually been there. Does that still makes you a virgin.

We are providers & should be the leaders of the home - you will all cry, "Patriarchy! Gender equality!!".

Oya guys should provide and lead the home.

Na today we don dey do am?!

You should say na today YOU dey do am, you can see the responses of your co-men on this thread on just providing.

Nancee4love:
May God deliver my brothers from ur type
Ur mindset is disgusting very bad a d crude, you are not matured for marriage and a disaster to any man who gets engaged to u with this kind of mindset
Better Don't marry please before you jeopardize the life of another man's son
What is marriage? Covenant partnership. A Partner is a supporter in their partnership, they may not have equal share but each partner had a share of responsibility to the agreement of partnership. Guyz run from a lady who does not see marriage from the angle and perspective of partnership that lady is not your wife. A woman who truly loves you supports you. My dad went dead broke and it was my mum who helped raised him back to life with no insult but still gave him his maximum respect during the darkest moment of his life, she made home comfortable and marriage easy for him till he bounced back. My father is late but all his properties after he bounced back was willed to my mum and us the children.
Goossh you are a disgrace to us women responsible women. Please go fix yourself before marriage. Guyz shine your eyes please we still have good women or ladies out their. I will never marry a man I can't support. It's not about it's my choice to support him or not it's my responsibility to support him. 2 have become one. You see this kind of mindset this lady has is toxic. As an adult do u know it's your responsibility to take care of yourself, keep waiting for a man to do that. May God not allow my brothers to encounter ur type.
Op pick up urself and move you met and plunged the wrong flower.

omron:
I made that stupid mistake too
I married this stubborn lady from lagos state
Her father ran from the mother some yeas back .....even wen she took me to her father ..her father called me.to a closed door meeting asking me what I see in her that prompted me to marry her ...but then love cover my face....After getting married she begin to show her real character...she is so aggressive and agile cursing and abusing and nagging me ..
Today we are divorced after spending so much money on wedding.....Guysbbe careful who u marry ...life is not a bed of roses

Hathor5:
if you have to 'threaten' your spouse with divorce so that she does not misbehave then you have gotten married to the wrong person.

Munzy14:
First to your question, a good woman...Igbos call it Ezinwaanyi....

It takes a good woman to change a man...

Financially productive is one thing, doing it under a condition/conditions is another thing garnished with some pride and arrogance to a spouse/partner is the turn-off.

The both ways you talking about is funny if you agree it is both ways...
The moment a man achieves financial comfort, his heart began to search for love and to start a family with all humility and responsibility...Regarding challenges...
Note: This is for most men not all..

Same can't be said for most women..Their is this pride and arrogance in a way.

This is reality and from experience..

Normally guys do date such women, but the moment it narrows down to marriage, they will collect usain bolt..

A family friend wanted to marry a lady...actually a magistrate...Hehehehe his father said over his dead body will he allow his son marry fire...Only God knows what they went through in her hands for the man to make such statement..
Even with her status, currently she heads a major arm of government in a state...Yet that marriage never happened.

In fact, the dude married a cool headed chic and zoomed off the state...enjoying marital bliss.

This life wether virgin or not....Just be a good woman as the woman you are.....Women arr created to run things without being in the lead..But some want to lead and run things as well under feminist... a sorry case.

Rozcol:
Mother Theresa well done ooo,you should have asked if I'm already engaged or not and I don't pray to ever meet the likes of your brothers who doesn't know their right from left.If its your choice to suffer with a man what's my own there? and if its my choice not to suffer with any man how e take concern you? The op is a liar and wisdom demands that we read both sides before passing judgement but he succeeded in winning you all to his pity party game.

lordally:
Them blind the guy eye??

greatbrian:
I think there is a stereotype about single mother stuff here.


Truth is if you are crazy, you are crazy. If you are bad you are bad forget single mum ish. Lots of mofos out there who came out from a perfectly good family but are much more bitter and I'll mannered than whatever you say. And for the records, I was raised by a single mum alongside 2 elder sisters and not for once have my sisters exhibit those traits you dare not even raise your voice in my house even with all I think I am mum still slapped me few months ago and just last week my woman sent my mum money and she tagged it for raising him right.


So stop condemning the parent who choose to stay condemn the one who can't take up responsibilities but choose to die or walk away.

TarOrfeeek:
Whether she exhibit.
Whether she nor exhibit
I no like wahala.
Buhari hardship is enough for one person.

TarOrfeeek:
Whether she exhibit.

Whether she nor exhibit

I no like wahala.

Buhari hardship is enough for one person.

ObaKlaz:
For the new generation males, incapability IS NOT EXACTLY the main factor stiffling 'em from being sole providers. The stand now is that, since females have changed the script, then we might as well raise the stakes by [b]demanding equal responsibility [/b]across board. It's as plain as that.

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

DaddyRochie1642:
You're in pains, I feel your pains but am sorry I cant help myself I just have to say it,.

I'm sure when the Love dey Shack you that time, you were like,
"Baby you're the angel of My Life", "Baby you're the Oxygen that I breathe", "Baby I can't do without you", "Baby any day I don't see your Face my day is not complete", "Baby without you in my Life, my Life is not Complete"

OlawaleBammie:
bros pls bia, that medical check up about abortion, weakened womb and so, pls how much does it cost??

Rozcol:
Please let us hear word and for your information she's right about that number 2,in marriage a man should provide everything and its solely depend on your wife's decision to assist you or not,its not a mandatory task.Women are care givers and not providers, you can't expect a woman to provide and still respect you it usually don't happen that way.She's not here to say her own side so nobody has the right to condemn her yet. No be Nigerian men again mtchewww

NoToPile:
So you are saying most financially stable women are proud and arrogant. So they date them and don't marry them.

And the ones wey no get money- don't have anything to bring to the table according to NLders.

Oya where is the meeting point.

The cool headed babe your guy married wasn't she making her own money?

APOSTLECHUMA:
THE HARD AND BITTER TRUTH ABOUT DIVORCE IN CHRISTIANITY IS THAT IF ONE PUTS AWAY HIS WIFE FOR ANY REASON OTHER THAN FOR FORNICATION, HE MUST REMAIN SINGLE ALL THROUGH HIS LIFE, AS REMARRYING MEANS LIVING IN ADULTERY WHICH MEANS GOING TO HELL FIRE. NOW THIS IS BIBLE NOT ME. MANY PEOPLE DONT KNOW THAT FOR EVEN ADULTERY, A MAN HAS NO BIBLE RIGHT TO DIVORCE HIS WIFE AS GOD PERMITTED IT ONLY ON THE BASIS OF FORNICATION, NOT ADULTERY AND THERE IS A DIFFERENCE B/W BOTH. WE ARE SUPPOSED TO MARRY OUR WIVES AS VIRGINS, BUT IF ONE'S WOULD BE WIVE IS NOT A VIRGIN AND INFORMS HER HUSBAND TO BE BEFORE THE MARRIAGE AND FOR LOVE'S SAKE, THE MAN GOES AHEAD AND MARRIES HER, IT IS NOT A SIN. IF HOWEVER ONE'S WIFE TO BE, CLAIMED TO BE A VIRGN AND AFTER MARRIAGE, HER HUS DISCOVERES THAT SHE WASNT, THE MAN HAS EVERY BIBLE RIGHT TO PUT HER AWAY AND MARRY ANOTHER, THATS WHAT UNLESS FOR THE CAUSE OF FORNICATION MEANS. AFTER MARRIAGE, IF FOR ANY REASON, SHE BE TEMPTED AND SHE FALLS, HER HUS MUST FORGIVE HER AND GIVE HER CHANCE TO AMEND HER WAYS. IF ONE CANT FORGIVE, AND DECIDES TO PUT HER AWAY, THE PERSON IF HE DOESNT WANT TO END UP IN HELL, MUST REMAIN SINGLE OR GO BACK AND RECONCILE WITH THE WIFE. CHRIST PREACHED FORGIVENESS 70 X 7 IN A DAY BEFORE PREACHING ON DIVORCE. A DIVORCED WOMAN MAY LIKELY NOT CONTAIN HERSELF AND MAY END UP IN A SECOND MARRIAGE WHICH MEANS GOING TO HELLFIRE AND THIS WILL BE BECAUSE OF THE HARDNESS OF HEART OF HER HUS, WHO COULDNT FORGIVE. HOW ON EARTH CAN SUCH A MAN ENTER HEAVEN OR EXPECT GOD TO FORGIVE ALL HIS LOADS OF SIN AND ALLOW HIM INTO HEAVEN IF HE CANT FORGIVE A WOMAN HE ONCED LOVED SO MUCH TILL HE MARRIED HER BUT SENTENCED HER TO HELL FIRE BY PUTTING HER AWAY BECAUSE OF ADULTERY. SIN HURTS, GOD CAN ALLOW SATAN TO TEMPT YOUR WIFE TO THAT POINT, TO TEST YOUR LOVE FOR HER AND HOW FORGIVING YOU CAN BE. WHEN THERE IS CRISIS IN MARRIAGE, IT IS SIMPLY THE DEVIL AND THE WAY OUT IS PRAYERS. AFTERALL, IT WAS ONCE SWEET AND WHEN IT WAS SWEET, NO BODY HEARD ABOUT COMPLAINS. PRAYERS CAN RESTORE THAT FIRST LOVE AND TURN YOUR FAMILY INTO ANOTHER PARADISE ON EARTH. MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR KIDS AND WHEN CHRIST PREACHED THIS HARD TRUTH AS I JUST WROTE IT, JEWS SAID "IF THAT BE SO, IT IS NOT GOOD FOR A MAN TO MARRY, WHICH MEANS THAT THEY WERENT READY TO FORGIVE. SEE MATTHEW 19 :1-11 BUT BEFORE YOU READ IT, GO FIRST TO MATTHEW 18 :21-22 AND READ WHERE HE PREACHED THAT WE SHOULD FORGIVE 70 X 7 IN A DAY AS A FOUNDATION BEFORE PREACHING ON DIVORCE. 07054142412

Pecoleee345:
No.....she had miscarriage twice
It was two year into marriage I got to know she had an abortion while in school.

She has a weak womb according to test results.

Pecoleee345:
l
Yea.....i messed up in that aspect..... Especially the background check and way of life.

The worst one was the medical check it was two years into marriage I found out she had weak womb due to abortion....

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

Tutu82:
I for one am not conversant with how a total * acts but it makes sense to contribute to a discourse without labelling and/or insulting people. Marriage is hard work and not for people who claim to have “options” and words like tolerate make it sound like he is a prize and she is not.

partners help carry each other’s weight which is the first thing you learn on the counselling course some eventually cannot work and that is okay .We all were born of women and i believe non are female dogs to be called bitches be respectful to people.

NoToPile:


So the Females are to blame for the incapability of Men to be sole providers really?
Females' insistence on gender equality while avoiding equal responsibility is what I've been harping on. How else do I break it down to you?!

Its actually okay to admit economic realities of our dear country is preventing men from being sole providers, at least we all know this.

You didn't answer my question And what is your question again, in very clear terms?! in the other quote and you have raised the matter here again, at least you have admitted that both care -giving and providing responsibilities should be shared across board- sounds fair enough.

triplechoice:
@op I understand your pains. It is obvious you feel cheated because of what you have come to discover about the condition of her womb.

But is it possible she wasn't even aware ?

Since she wasn't married before or tried to get pregnant for someone else, I don't think she would have found it necessary to check for anything.
Whatever the case ,its obvious you don't really love her . The reason I say this is because I know of someone who found himself in the same situation as yours. It wasn't even an issue for him. He understood it was her past and was a mistake. No lady in her right senses would deliberately do abortion in order to damage her womb.

So what did the person I am talking about do? He stood by her and from one doctor to another, several miscarriages and even still birth, the wife finally gave birth. This was a period of about 8 years.



Love doesn't last forever or something that just grow on it's own . It is won everyday by the things you do to keep the flame of love aglow. The problem is yours and not hers. You got married to someone you never truly loved.

If you get a new wife with a perfect womb and after getting married something then happens to the womb, what would you do then?