This is one of a series of threads I'll be creating to learn from your personal experiences

I may end my marriage and put myself back out there soon. Emotionally checked out. When you ended your last relationship, how long did it take you before going back on a dating website or making your superman moves on a woman?

iod69779:
This is one of a series of threads I'll be creating to learn from your experiences and wisdom

I may end my marriage and put myself back out there soon. Emotionally checked out. When you ended your last relationship, how long did it take you before going back on a dating website or making your superman moves on a woman?

If there’s no violence or infidelity, isn’t there a way to resolve what you have now....??
Many times, we look for reasons we shouldn’t do something while we ignore why it should be done....

Every relationship has got its Wahala...it involves two different people, with different background and ideologies coming together...it’s not a miracle, or a soulmate or God’s will thing that will make it work...it’s patience, tolerance, forgiving and conscious investing in the love that will make a relationship last....because love is just 5% feeling...

I think the official breakup is usually just formalities, because before that happens, one person drifts first. The other person is left trying to fix it or just marking time for when you finally pull the plug. It is highly possible she already knows what you have up your sleeves, but she is playing it cool, so the breakup/divorce doesn’t come from her. She may even move on faster than you.

How fast you move on is up to you. Some people start moving on before the official breakup. Some after. Just make sure you learn your lessons. The whole fault can’t be from the other party. You should have yours, even if they are “positive faults”. Make the next better than the first. It would be disastrous to fail again and again…

I check out right there in the relationship, that is after talking (and trying to fix it). It starts with reduced communication and intolerance. Don’t be surprised if I get married the next day.

If you ask me, I will say men (humans) are basically the same. They all come with their degree of stress. By the time you are with another person, you will understand my point. If it isn’t so bad, if she is willing, I will advise you fix it. It is marriage you are talking about, not boyfriend-girlfriend.

pocohantas:
I think the official breakup is usually just formalities, because before that happens, one person drifts first. The other person is left trying to fix it or just marking time for when you finally pull the plug. Don’t be surprised she already knows what you have up your sleeves, but she is playing it cool, so the breakup/divorce doesn’t come from her. She may even move on faster than you.

How fast you move on is up to you. Some people start moving on before the official breakup. Some after. Just make sure you learn your lessons. The whole fault can’t be from the other party. You should have yours, even if they are “positive faults”. Make the next better than the first. It would be disastrous to fail again and again…

I check out right there in the relationship, that is after talking (and trying to fix it). It starts with reduced communication and intolerance. Don’t be surprised if I get married the next day.

If you ask me, I will say men (humans) are basically the same. They all come with their degree of stress. By the time you are with another person, you will understand my point. If it isn’t so bad, if she is willing, I will advise you fix it. It is marriage you are talking about, not boyfriend-girlfriend.

We have marriage counselor...


But you'd make a good Divorce counselor....

This piece is aptly written.... Enjoyed reading it...

In all it might take you 2 to 4 years to get another woman/man to settle down with.
But do you have children involved between you should be the first bone of contention??
There is nothing bad in separation but what happens to the kids, who gets to keep them?

If your kids will be living with you, it will be be hard getting another woman who is genuine so quickly to start a relationship with.
Also once you've lived under the same roof with one spouse for a long period of time, it's always hard to hold on to another, it will end up in flirting.

advanceDNA:


If there’s no violence or infidelity, isn’t there a way to resolve what you have now....??
Many times, we look for reasons we shouldn’t do something while we ignore why it should be done....

Every relationship has got its Wahala...it involves two different people, with different background and ideologies coming together...it’s not a miracle, or a soulmate or God’s will thing that will make it work...it’s patience, tolerance, forgiving and conscious investing in the love that will make a relationship last....because love is just 5% feeling...

Thanks for your advise. No violence no infidelity but it may lead to infidelity if we continue like this and neither of us wants that. I know divorce doesn't sound exciting but I think we all deserve to be happy, if that makes sense.

Get back out to where??
You better hold yourself.

iod69779:
This is one of a series of threads I'll be creating to learn from your experiences and wisdom

I may end my marriage and put myself back out there soon. Emotionally checked out. When you ended your last relationship, how long did it take you before going back on a dating website or making your superman moves on a woman?

If you have checked out emotionally, why then are you waiting for the marriage to end before making moves on another woman?

The earlier the better oo, cos it's so much more profitable to have someone you're already dating while going through a divorce (it's not cheating anymore) — it will also help keep body & soul together as divorce proceedings can be quite exhausting.

pocohantas:
I think the official breakup is usually just formalities, because before that happens, one person drifts first. The other person is left trying to fix it or just marking time for when you finally pull the plug. It is highly possible she already knows what you have up your sleeves, but she is playing it cool, so the breakup/divorce doesn’t come from her. She may even move on faster than you.

How fast you move on is up to you. Some people start moving on before the official breakup. Some after. Just make sure you learn your lessons. The whole fault can’t be from the other party. You should have yours, even if they are “positive faults”. Make the next better than the first. It would be disastrous to fail again and again…

I check out right there in the relationship, that is after talking (and trying to fix it). It starts with reduced communication and intolerance. Don’t be surprised if I get married the next day.

If you ask me, I will say men (humans) are basically the same. They all come with their degree of stress. By the time you are with another person, you will understand my point. If it isn’t so bad, if she is willing, I will advise you fix it. It is marriage you are talking about, not boyfriend-girlfriend.

More often than not they fail and fail again because their reasons for ending their marriage are almost always based on their perceived faults of the other party...and I use the word "perceived" very carefully here because in those cases what is "perceived" as a fault may not really be a fault but could be a perception borne out of one's selfish desires/expectations being met. This attitude will most likely follow them into their next relationship and another divorce will come up rather quickly...we must all accept that we are all humans with flaws and weaknesses. Some flaws are putrid and malignant and some flaws are manageable. Nevertheless flaws are flaws and we all are expected to work on them, grow and evolve to make marriage sustainable but fleeing a marriage because your desires/expectations were not met will lead to many other divorces in the future!

,,

crackhaus:

If you have checked out emotionally, why then are you waiting for the marriage to end before making moves on another woman?

The earlier the better oo, cos it's so much more profitable to have someone you're already dating while going through a divorce (it's not cheating anymore) — it will also help keep body & soul together as divorce proceedings can be quite exhausting.

You have a point but I'd rather do it the right way at least for respect and reputation sake because its marriage not singles relationship

iod69779:


Thanks for your advise. No violence no infidelity but it may lead to infidelity if we continue like this and neither of us wants that. I know divorce doesn't sound exciting but I think we all deserve to be happy, if that makes sense.

You are at that point already??....I totally understand...we all need to be happy..


Still....Whatever you decide..remember love is consciously grown...if you don’t invest in it....it dies...irrespective of the person......

iod69779:

You have a point but I'd rather do it the right way at least for respect and reputation sake because its marriage not singles relationship

Correction... It's a nonexistent marriage since you can't salvage it anymore, by the looks of it.

So who then are you still trying to impress with this talk of respect & reputation?
Yourself, or your soon-to-be ex-wife?

crackhaus:

Correction... It's a nonexistent marriage since you can't salvage it anymore, by the looks of it.

So who then are you still trying to impress with this talk of respect & reputation?
Yourself, or your soon-to-be ex-wife?

I live in the US, divorce settlements can get complicated if there is infidelity involved

iod69779:


I live in the US, divorce settlements can get complicated if there is infidelity involved

Lmao... that's TOTALLY false, but thanks for trying to convince yourself.

Cheers man.

iod69779:


I live in the US, divorce settlements can get complicated if there is infidelity involved

Abegi!

Kim Kardashian was almost ready to give birth (to Kanye’s child) before her divorce with Kriss (or is it Chris sef ) Humphries was finalized.

You finally took the redpill, any love that is not reciprocated is not balanced. Some women are seldosb and take good men for granted thinking all men are the same till they loose everything

iod69779:


Great commentary. I've learned my lessons and one of them is to not compromise on important values. People seem to fall out of love when you stop speaking their love language over time like in my case. She has an idea because i brought it up before but she talked me out of it. I've "trieeeeeed" fixing but its not working. I wish it worked but I don't want to become resentful because its not good for our mental health. I have my faults most def but its something she can live with based on our talks, and I have improved on myself a lot. I bended too much for the sake of marriage and since its not being reciprocated, I have become mentally checked out

mariahAngel:


Abegi!

Kim Kardashian was almost ready to give birth (to Kanye’s child) before her divorce with Kriss (or is it Chris sef ) Humphries was finalized.

Kim lives in CA where adultery is not illegal. Every state has its own laws

As of 2017, the US states with laws against adultery are Arizona, Florida, Kansas, Illinois, Massachusetts, Oklahoma, Idaho, Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Utah (of course), New York, Mississippi, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Maryland.

copied from https://www.quora.com/In-which-states-is-it-illegal-to-commit-adultery

cc: crackhaus

iod69779:
This is one of a series of threads I'll be creating to learn from your experiences and wisdom

I may end my marriage and put myself back out there soon. Emotionally checked out. When you ended your last relationship, how long did it take you before going back on a dating website or making your superman moves on a woman?

As a man, you got back lively almost immediately after the failed marriage, but as a woman especially when kid/s involved. It may take more than 3 years oo. I have been there for over a year now.

iod69779:
This is one of a series of threads I'll be creating to learn from your experiences and wisdom

I may end my marriage and put myself back out there soon. Emotionally checked out. When you ended your last relationship, how long did it take you before going back on a dating website or making your superman moves on a woman?

Why do you want to end your marriage?

End ot first.its like asking a married woman wetin you born when she never carry belle.

Realashbobby:

As a man, you got back lively almost immediately after the failed marriage, but as a woman especially when kid/s involved. It may take more than 3 years oo. I have been there for over a year now.

No kid(s) involved. It's also hard when you invested much and have to start all over again esp when you are not getting younger. Wish you strength as you go through yours

Lamanii22:


Why do you want to end your marriage?

Sorry, may I ask why you want to know? This thread is not about why I am ending the marriage.