We live, we learn, we laugh...


Most importantly, it's our lives...

I used to be an advocate of girl child education and empowerment, but with what I'm reading here, I am beginning to align with those that believe that it is useless to educate a female nor offer them employment.

I think they should just sit at home, birth children and take care of the homes while the men take all the jobs in order to enable them provide. That would be fair enough.

Ishilove:

Yes indeed. We knew you knew

IYANGBALI wife aka ABORTIONISTER.

FORWARDEVERLY:




Who is this clown
Will you GTFOH and go play with your mates..
Oponu..

Damn! You are pained. You need hug. Hard guy. Lol

elay44:


Damn! You are pained. You need hug. Hard guy. Lol

Pained on
Did you take bread away from my mouth
All this kiddies on nairaland won't stop amazing me with their use of words and stupid displays..

Klass99:


Hmm, this is an interesting perspective - I mean the two points about lying and hiding things. Feedback appreciated.

Marriage is all about transparency and accountability. This means as partners i ought to know certain things about you. I'm your husband and i reserve the right to your deepest secrets good or bad. I will stomach it.

OP your wife's cervical incompetence is most probably natural, alot of women have too. It’s guilty conscience and ignorance that made her confess to having an abortion after the discovery, lol.
She would have to had LOTS of abortion and when I mean lots, I mean in quantum before having a weakened cervix due to multiple dilations in the past. Cervical incompetence isn’t even a big deal, a couple of stitches and you’re good to go until due date.

I was once engaged to a girl who's father was unfriendly/harsh towards the children, things were going on well initially until she started becoming cold towards me expecially in communication, she hardly calls, I do all the calling and texting, what broke the camel's back was a day I called her & she raised her voice at me.. I had to call off every wedding plans and arrangements. Guys please, don't neglect any red flag �

Jman06:
I used to be an advocate of girl child education and empowerment, but with what I'm reading here, I am beginning to align with those that believe that it is useless to educate a female nor offer them employment.

I think they should just sit at home, birth children and take care of the homes while the men take all the jobs in order to enable them provide. That would be fair enough.

Becareful these feminists/misandrists will eat you raw.

Klass99:
So, after 25 pages of this thread I am mostly curious about two things;

1. What constitutes disrespect to or for you men? You can share with real life examples of times you have felt disrespected by your woman.

2. Apart from your kids, what would make you remain in a marriage with your wife? It seems a lot of couples (both male & female) opt to remain in marriages for the sake of the kids.

If you don't mind sharing as a man please share, I want to read and learn. Even though I have a reasonably good idea about question one in particular, a male perspective won't hurt.

CC:

IT Bomb
Djon7
Revensckar
Richy4
Gerrard59
Sanchez01

It's considered disrespectful to shout at your husband. It is disrespectful to talk back at your husband or challenge the authority of your husband. Of course you should know it is disrespectful to insult your husband.

If you are aggrieved by your husband's actions or decisions, speak to a man he respects and express yourself or approach your husband in humility and calmness and express yourself or tell him why you are unhappy.

Hope this is enough for you

Belafonte:


If I weren't trying to avoid a ban I would have said you're an slowpoke.

But you just did.

bizzibodi:
Single guys in d house look b4 U leap!b4 U pay dowry on any girl.
.Do background check ask around about her xters,her family.
.Put her through tenacity test,check her anger level.
.Love test:Did she love you?why did she want you as her husband?
.Do medical checks:check her womb efficiency,no of abortions, mammogram,STDs,HIV, hepatitis.
.Do financial management test
.Do cleanliness test:do she wake up & sweep d house.
.Integrity test:e.g leave money around to see if she will steal it.
.Lie test:is she Lai Mohammed daughter?
.Sexual compatibility test:do she like sex?is she a nymphomaniac?
This is to avoid stories that touch.

Lai Mohammed daughter

Jman06:
I used to be an advocate of girl child education and empowerment, but with what I'm reading here, I am beginning to align with those that believe that it is useless to educate a female nor offer them employment.

I think they should just sit at home, birth children and take care of the homes while the men take all the jobs in order to enable them provide. That would be fair enough.

Thank God the fate of women is not in your hands. We will continue to grow and maximize our potentials. Peace.

Gummygummy:
OP your wife's cervical incompetence is most probably natural, a lot of women have too. It’s guilty conscience and ignorance that made her confess to having an abortion after the discovery, lol.
She would have to have LOTS of abortion and when I mean lots, I mean in quantum before having a weakened cervix due to multiple dilations in the past. Cervical incompetence isn’t even a big deal, a couple of stitches and you’re good to go until the due date.

I recently saw a post on Twitter where someone was asking if women would tell their husbands if they have had abortions in the past.
A lot of women decried such actions, stating that they will never tell their husbands of past abortions. At first, I wondered why they choose to hide such a past but now, I think I get it.
So because the author of this thread fell out with his wife, he came on NL to tell everyone about an abortion she told him in confidence. Chai.
At least, for the sake of what they both shared, he shouldn't have embarrassed her like this.

Mogadishuu:
The op is now an elder because he just shared an experience of his for we the single guys. Background check isn't just about her WhatsApp or Facebook... Go to her area, ask about her.
In the olden days, that's what our parents did. They made research into the family they intend having a union with

And as a woman/man if you were raised by a single parent endeavor to go for counceling before wedding

I agreed with you...

NoToPile:
The vibes I am getting from posts on this thread is that men no longer want to be providers.

exactly, they want to be parasites

graciousify:



I recently saw a post on Twitter where someone was asking if women would tell their husbands if they have had abortions in the past.
A lot of women decried such actions, stating that they will never tell their husbands of past abortions. At first, I wondered why they choose to hide such a past but now, I think I get it.
So because the author of this thread fell out with his wife, he came on NL to tell everyone about an abortion she told him in confidence. Chai.
At least, for the sake of what they both shared, he shouldn't have embarrassed her like this.

Disclosing to this platform that his wife had a poorly executed abortion is necessary to establish his case, since most readers would naturally impugn his submission as being one-sided. The exposure wasn't to mock and degrade her as you erroneously implied, because it's also the reason she couldn't bear children. I am not surprised that you missed this vital point in the defence of your gender.

Worse still, she hid it from him until she couldn't hide it any longer. So it's in the interest of couples to always come clean about their sexual history; it won't deter any serious-minded person from continuing with the marriage plan. But to hide something as grave as abortion that could have adverse consequence in the future is not only betrayal but contracting marriage on a deceitful foundation. That's completely gross and unacceptable.

Noone can graduate from the University of Life

You write everything correctly. But it's all true if you don't love the person. If you have feelings, you would never test her family or question the sincerity of the person. Do you know what I'm saying? Of course before you get married, you have to live with the person, get to know them. What he eats, what he likes in sex, what music he likes. My young man likes to experiment in sex, for example male sex doll, and many girls could not accept it. Think about what you are doing

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

The bolded does not guarantee anything. How many women will you cohabit with before finding your true spouse. If you are not careful you will cohabit with 100 women before meeting your wife because virtually every woman has one issue or the other. Medical check-up does not mean you may not encounter medical issues after marriage. And that you have no medical issues does not automatically translate to a happy marriage. As far as I am concerned, know who you are, find your match, be prepared to love her and stand by her, be sure she has the same mentality and you will enjoy your marriage no matter the storm life throws at your marriage!

truthsayer009:


I couldn't agree more, what a balanced analysis.

That's why being a "GOOD" or "NICE" guy/girl in relationship wouldn't help anyone, you have to be civil and be kind when it requires or take firm hard decision when it requires too.

Most partners always want to take as much as they can while giving little to nothing in return. It seems to be a winner vs loser game. So there is usually conflict of interest in most relationships.

If you discover that your partner is giving little or nothing in return, it's best to walk away.

Same reason why i advocate that both men and women should Work and earn a living, take care of children, learn how to change diapers, bathe for the children and both should also know how to cook. The purpose of this is to make sure no one is looking down on the other's job and feeling they are just chilling. Each person would still retain their original roles but they must also participate in everything.

Motherhood is hard, earning an honest decent living is also fvcking hard too. Both of them need to participate to appreciate the efforts they both put in.

@bold: true.

Good girl/boy is only an issue when paired with bad boy/girl.

Pecoleee345:

No.....she had miscarriage twice
It was two year into marriage I got to know she had an abortion while in school.

She has a weak womb according to test results.

I am just reading your story here and i sincerely feel bad for everything you have gone through. However i wan to educate you so you dont say it in public

Cervical incompetence (what you call weak womb is not as a result of abortion) it is a medical problem. it happens when the cervical tissue is weak and cannot hold pregnancy. It happens to a lot of women leading to miscarriage.

Normally the cervix is closed before pregnancy. during pregnancy, it starts to open slowly. If the cervix is incompetent , it opens fasters than usual and the woman looses the pregnancy.

Doctors will perform what is called a cervical cerclage. Just a single stitch to keep it together. it is a very simple procedure, you go home the same day.

Since I do not know your ex wife, pls help me tell her about this so she can be better prepared for her next marriage and pregnancy.

All the best to you both in your decisions.

Liposure:
Can we blame feminism and modern day sensibilities for all that is happening today?

Feminism is not the only culprit.

Men abused/still abuse their leadership position in the home first.

Feminism especially the modern variants is just a wrong/narrow minded response to it.

bukatyne:


@bold: true.

Good girl/boy is only an issue when paired with bad boy/girl.

The issue is that anybody can decide to be good or bad without informing the other person, good people also change even if you met them as a "good" person. I know i sound very paranoid now, but sincerely this is life. One can only pray he/she marries someone that is good to them.

kingsoncj:
I was once engaged to a girl who's father was unfriendly/harsh towards the children, things were going on well initially until she started becoming cold towards me expecially in communication, she hardly calls, I do all the calling and texting, what broke the camel's back was a day I called her & she raised her voice at me.. I had to call off every wedding plans and arrangements. Guys please, don't neglect any red flag �

The next one you meet will still have flaws....none of them is perfect....

bukatyne:


Feminism is not the only culprit.

Men abused/still abuse their leadership position in the home first.

Feminism especially the modern variants is just a wrong/narrow minded response to it.

I agree with u about men abusing their leadership position

We kip forgetting marriage is not a man idea but a divine idea that is not good for.man to.be.left.alone so wife.a helpmeet
This days ....speechless with who wife material function is or trying to be.
Let's consult d manual & save ourselves d heartaches. When sex DON enter, reasoning flies out emotional decision making and not critical thinking. Baba knows best but we think otherwise. Sad for u man, mine still gives birth like rabbit after several D/C.
Again baba knows best

TarOrfeeek:
My current GF is from a single mother home.

Immediately I finished reading this topic. I will break up with her mentally.

mrblessed:
Disclosing to this platform that his wife had a poorly executed abortion is necessary to establish his case, since most readers would naturally impugn his submission as being one-sided. The exposure wasn't to mock and degrade her as you erroneously implied, because it's also the reason she couldn't bear children. I am not surprised that you missed this vital point in the defence of your gender.

Worse still, she hid it from him until she couldn't hide it any longer. So it's in the interest of couples to always come clean about their sexual history; it won't deter any serious-minded person from continuing with the marriage plan. But to hide something as grave as abortion that could have adverse consequence in the future is not only betrayal but contracting marriage on a deceitful foundation. That's completely gross and unacceptable.

Ok Mr blessed. He established his case to you guys-the social media court of judges. So how are you guys helping to restore peace to this marriage now? Everybody is now saying all sorts. Come, who made you all a judge? It is only a fool that judges issues after hearing a one-sided story. even women that married as virgins sometimes miscarry. there are no hard and fast rules to these things. So I dont believe that it is the abortion that is causing her to miscarry. a simple cervical cerclage can solve that issue.
I agree that couples should come clean before marriage, but how many men and women are emotionally matured enough to handle certain secrets that their intended spouse will reveal to them in the process of coming clean?
Did the woman impregnate herself? everybody here is condemning abortion and claiming holy. I condemn it too. But if God should play a video of what people do in secret, we will see that almost everyone here have at one time or the other committed abortion or impregnated a woman and paid for an abortion to be carried out. The woman may have done wrong (I have not heard her side of the story) but this her hubby is not a matured person at all. Divorce her if you don't want the marriage again but don't come on here to expose secrets she told you in confidence when the going was good, all because you want to make a strong case for yourself and to paint her black. UDO

graciousify:


Ok Mr blessed. He established his case to you guys-the social media court of judges. So how are you guys helping to restore peace to this marriage now? Everybody is now saying all sorts. Come, who made you all a judge? It is only a fool that judges issues after hearing a one-sided story. even women that married as virgins sometimes miscarry. there are no hard and fast rules to these things. So I dont believe that it is the abortion that is causing her to miscarry. a simple cervical cerclage can solve that issue.
I agree that couples should come clean before marriage, but how many men and women are emotionally matured enough to handle certain secrets that their intended spouse will reveal to them in the process of coming clean?
Did the woman impregnate herself? everybody here is condemning abortion and claiming holy. I condemn it too. But if God should play a video of what people do in secret, we will see that almost everyone here have at one time or the other committed abortion or impregnated a woman and paid for an abortion to be carried out. The woman may have done wrong (I have not heard her side of the story) but this her hubby is not a matured person at all. Divorce her if you don't want the marriage again but don't come on here to expose secrets she told you in confidence when the going was good, all because you want to make a strong case for yourself and to paint her black. UDO

The mere mention of the word abortion usually throws most Nigerian ladies off balance, and actuates them to become irrational in their silly and preposterous defence of their deadly act. What they dont realise is that the man is as guilty as the woman, unless it was carried out without his consent and approval. I am not sure you read the Op's account where he stated that the wife's past sexual history which she didn't disclose, is responsible for her inability to bear children.

There is no point to vent your anger and call people names simply because they made comments unpleasant to you. At least, you will be a hypocrite if, for example, you have never aired your view on an issue in this platform based on the prevailing account presented by a party. And, don't worry about the Op forming an opinion from the views of members -- male and female -- on his predicament. That's, for sure, his call.

Wow!
I find dis a hard pill to swallow.
Why do you think she was tailing you dat bad tho?

Were your actions pure all through?
Did you give her reasons not to do that?
Did you at any point do anything dat made it get to dis point because am jst wondering what will make a woman tail her man dat much.

adedayourt:


OP, let me first empathize with you as this must be that very phase of your life you wish not to arrive at.

Exactly what you stated up their is what I go through, but mine is happening while we still dating and we already have a wedding date. Introduction is supposed to be in few weeks from now.


But this lady is raised by partially her mum, partially her dad. She does most of the things you stated up there to the extend that when I step out of the house to buy stuff, she tails me and locks around behind (I have caught her doing this).



Now she has gone to my family to speak a whole lot and currently I am the worst guy on earth before my folks while she walks like an angel. Presently I called off everything with her and cancelling the wedding even though everybody is insisting I cannot take such decision.


I am only glad I am not married to her yet.