₦airaland Forum

1onebigman:
Though am not married but I have stayed close to lots of married couples and I can tell you this inside' poverty,poverty dey..if you can feed your family and afford to pay all your bills even if you are staying in a one room apartment your marriage might not be all rossy but yo will still have respect and some joy but you see that kind poverty wey you can't even afford to feed or pay your family bills, everything will change name it,respect , honor infact everything that makes you a man will lose its value when it comes to you..so in essence guyz make we hustle hard even though we no become millionaire but atleast to have thousands enough to before thinking or going into marriage.

@bold Exactly!

MrBrownJay1:
all you people are looking at marriage with a failed vision.... you dont need money to get married, marriage is just an extention of a r/ship sealed by a useless piece of paper....if you guys were broke and could date happily, then there is no reason why you couldnt get married and still be happy. the problem here is that all you people are thinking that a broke couple should do exactly the same thing as one with money, while the couple with little money needs to ADAPT TO THEIR SITUATION until they have enough money to care for a family (aka children etc)

a lot of people are quick to call a man/woman broke because they only have money to take care of their own needs, but the reality is that there are many people who are broke because they paid their rent, put food in the fridge and paid their bills etc. if 2 broke people join hands, then they can EASILY live happily ever after (so long as they dont try to add to their family). so a broke married couple needs to take contraception, need to cut their coat according to their situation and they need to work towards getting a better life situation in order to have kids etc

it takes money for a single person to take care of their basic need... its called LIFE and everyone should be able to take care of their basic needs before thinking of marriage, same for married ones. you dont need "more" money to get married than the money you each had to take care of your basic needs, if your spouse cant/couldnt take care of their basic needs then you shouldnt get married and that person should sort that part of their lives 1st before thinking of getting married, as they are a LIABILITY

as for your hustle statement, no wonder so many men fail in marriage when they think that having money to take care of a liability is the solution to their problem....a liability is a LIABILITY whether you bring more money to the table or not.

Biko nwa nne send me your email lemme mail you one cold bottle of beer for this post. This just shows that there are still mature and pragmatic thinkers here on nairaland.

If you can date someone, you certainly can marry that person

I don preach this message tire.

redirect:
MY BROTHER GOD BLESS YOU, MANY GUYS TODAY ARE VICTIM.

seeme2 these are people with practical experience, not "he may become a millionaire within a year"

sunkieisland:
As much as I agree with your school of thought, I also think that there are some outliers in this case. A man might be struggling financially, marries someone that loves him and he loves; someone who is willing to also support him; meeting him halfway and build the family together, then something good can happen to them if they continue to work hard.

However, if the said man is a slob and the wife is someone with an entitlement mentality, who is also lazy, he's entered "one chance" already. He'll struggle to make ends meet and be miserable all the days of his life.

What many of u don't know is, it is very difficult to sustain love without finance! No matter how genuine that love is! When u start failing in everything that is expected of u as a man, that love go begin dwindle, no matter how good that lady is. Any woman wey like her man, means the man is trying, he may not be very rich, but he is able to provide the basic necessities like bills, shelter, feeding, education, health. If any of these things are missing in a home, even your kids will not be happy with u, let alone your wife. In short, u will not be happy with yourself if u have conscience!

rex21:
Biko nwa nne send me your email lemme mail you one cold bottle of beer for this post. This just shows that there are still mature and pragmatic thinkers here on nairaland.

If you can date someone, you certainly can marry that person MrBrownJay1


I don preach this message tire.

But dating someone does not involve wedding ceremonies and pride price and aseobi and inlaws and visitors, and expectation of children, etc.
U r both wrong.

NNEWIsuper:
My man you summarised it so well. The problem is that people get married and immediately start pumping out kids, doesn't work that way. If people can just marry and stay like they were while dating then all these wailing won't happen

Lol
Marry first before u start talking
We all sounded like this!
If u are not ready to start having kids, do not get married! A marriage without kids is not a blessed marriage! Not even your parents will support u on this. U must have at least one kid to bless that marriage. When u marry without a child, that marriage will so empty, only married people can relate. Why do u think everyone end up having kids after marriage?

NNEWIsuper:
Well said bro, remove having kids from the picture most of these marriages go the sweet wella. Imagine just you and your wife having nice sex and going to places without additional loads of kids

Chai! As you said, e go sweet wella.

MrBrownJay1:
are you saying that as a couple, you will now eat more food than you did when you were dating?!?!?!?!
here is a clue: small money you have for food (before marriage) + small money your wife had for food (before marriage)... put it together and thats more than enough money for food as a married couple.



if you had these equipments before marriage why do you need more after marriage? better yet, you bring your TV, she brings her bed, you bring your fridge, she brings her oven... aka you both bring what you can. you can even live on the floor in a shack, if thats what you desire.



you deal with the above issues the SAME WAY you would deal with such issues as a single person, duh!



pls do as i see nothing of value here...



i kept the above for last as it is such a funny statement, it made me burst laughing... are you really saying that before 2 people get married, they need dash money for deluded people out there? didnt you see where i wrote to cut your coat accordingly? what about telling in laws that I AINT GOT IT?!?!? is that so difficult to do?!
in law ko, off anarchy ni!

Really?

Hahaha

Rubbiish:
Lol
Marry first before u start talking
We all sounded like this!
If u are not ready to start having kids, do not get married! A marriage without kids is not a blessed marriage! Not even your parents will support u on this. U must have at least one kid to bless that marriage. When u marry without a child, that marriage will so empty, only married people can relate. Why do u think everyone end up having kids after marriage?

NNEWIsuper, listen to experience.
Also, dating someone does not involve wedding ceremonies and pride prices and aseobi and inlaws and visitors, and various expectations. etc.

Rubbiish:
What many of u don't know is, [b]it is very difficult to sustain love without finance! No matter how genuine that love is! [/b]When u start failing in everything that is expected of u as a man, that love go begin dwindle, no matter how good that lady is. Any woman wey like her man, means the man is trying, he may not be very rich, but he is able to provide the basic necessities like bills, shelter, feeding, education, health. If any of these things are missing in a home, even your kids will not be happy with u, let alone your wife. In short, u will not be happy with yourself if u have conscience!

Fact.. There are many naive people with tekemundo mentality

MrBrownJay1:
if you had these equipments before marriage why do you need more after marriage? better yet, you bring your TV, she brings her bed, you bring your fridge, she brings her oven... aka you both bring what you can. you can even live on the floor in a shack, if thats what you desire.

So you actually want a lady to pack things in her parents house and contribute with a guy, someone who did not pay her bride as you earlier puts it?

BTW, are you married?

Rubbiish:
Lol
Marry first before u start talking
We all sounded like this!
If u are not ready to start having kids, do not get married! A marriage without kids is not a blessed marriage! Not even your parents will support u on this. U must have at least one kid to bless that marriage. When u marry without a child, that marriage will so empty, only married people can relate. Why do u think everyone end up having kids after marriage?

You vomited rubbish just as your name sounded. That's what you all use in making yourselves deep into poverty and poverty and be looking for who will give you money to buy pampers. A marriage is blessed right there at the alter. I want you poor people to understand that a kid is not a must. Most Whites whom you all imitate even marry now without the aim of having kids because marriage has little to do with giving births like rabbits you can't train

Rubbiish:
Lol
Marry first before u start talking
We all sounded like this!
If u are not ready to start having kids, do not get married! A marriage without kids is not a blessed marriage! Not even your parents will support u on this. U must have at least one kid to bless that marriage. When u marry without a child, that marriage will so empty, only married people can relate. Why do u think everyone end up having kids after marriage?

True.. Its easy to say marry and delay child bearing. By the time they enter, they will know dating is different from marriage

Rubbiish:
Lol
Marry first before u start talking
We all sounded like this!
If u are not ready to start having kids, do not get married! A marriage without kids is not a blessed marriage! Not even your parents will support u on this. U must have at least one kid to bless that marriage. When u marry without a child, that marriage will so empty, only married people can relate. Why do u think everyone end up having kids after marriage?

Everyone end up having kid after marriage bc they're Ignorant just like the poor people who believe they can get rich after marriage thereby adding more poverty. We are here to redeem and save you poor people from long suffering and penury. Better change and don't die before your time

NNEWIsuper:
You vomited rubbish just as your name sounded. That's what you all use in making yourselves deep into poverty and poverty and be looking for who will give you money to buy pampers. A marriage is blessed right there at the alter. I want you poor people to understand that a kid is not a must. Most Whites whom you all imitate even marry now without the aim of having kids because marriage has little to do with giving births like rabbits you can't train

You are neglecting societal input.. This is africa, if you marry and don't have kids withing two years, you will start hearing nansense from all quarters

babyfaceafrica:
True.. Its easy to say marry and delay child bearing. By the time they enter, they will know dating is different from marriage

It absolutely depends on the level of education actually. Educated folks who do know they're not financially ready to cater for a child will wait, that's wisdom and that's what the poor people who marry and complain don't know and we're here to educate them.

If u check well that guy possibly have lots of kids he can't take care of and want people to join him to suffer so he won't be alone in it

babyfaceafrica:
You are neglecting societal input.. This is africa, if you marry and don't have kids withing two years, you will start hearing nansense from all quarters

There is nothing like Africa here. Its about choice and I have rightfully seen people plan their lifes to suit them when they're ready. Society no de pay bills, no go kill yourself oo

My own take . Many are not financially literate and many skip or do not take marriage counseling seriously before entry into marriage. Marriage is a certificate given without taking the examination. Two are better than one when u marry right. Marry a friend who is willing to have ur back and willing to work or hustle and vice versa. Do not rush to have kids except time and health is not on your side and make sure both of your incomes can sustain the yourself , spouse and numbers of kids you can have. Family planning is key, so know the number of kids you and spouse can provide financially . planning is also key, cut your coat according to your size and avoid living an expensive life or chasing clout on social media. And if you are poor, stop having too many children

MrBrownJay1:
all you people are looking at marriage with a failed vision.... [s]you dont need money to get married, marriage is just an extention of a r/ship sealed by a useless piece of paper[/s]....if you guys were broke and could date happily, then there is no reason why you couldnt get married and still be happy. the problem here is that all you people are thinking that a broke couple should do exactly the same thing as one with money, [s]while the couple with little money needs to ADAPT TO THEIR SITUATION until they have enough money to care for a family (aka children etc)[/s]

you that is saying you dont need money to get married, have you seen a marriage list before? Abi na belle you give your wife?

People get married to have children. So why get married at all if the aim is to take contraceptives & waiting till money comes to raise children?

Oga hustle hard, make money before thinking of women at all. They are the WOES of man

cooltola:
My own take . Many are not financially literate and many skip or do not take marriage counseling seriously before entry into marriage. Marriage is a certificate given without taking the examination. Two are better than one when u marry right. Marry a friend who is willing to have ur back and willing to work or hustle and vice versa. Do not rush to have kids except time and health is not on your side and make sure both of your incomes can sustain the yourself , spouse and numbers of kids you can have. Family planning is key, so know the number of kids you and spouse can provide financially . planning is also key, cut your coat according to your size and avoid living an expensive life or chasing clout on social media. And if you are poor, stop having too many children

You rightly said it, I don't just understand this nonsense craze to start popping out babes right after marriage without proper planning is wrong. I hope Rubbiish can see your write up and learn new things

Parisian:
Wahala for who dey reason babymama.

Babe mama is the worst sha

Rubbiish:
U do sound like an unmarried man!
Ask your elder brothers & married neighbours, money solve 70% of marriage issues. Without finance, the rate at which that tingling love feeling will decline will shock u. Ask your parents!

You know this and yet you want to pop out too many kids to come suffer, abobi

udoji2021:
I just come across a thread about this topic and felt like contributing on it.

https://www.nairaland.com/6703059/struggling-hard-money-hasnt-come

Guys, I will not beat around the bush, getting married when you are not financially bouyant is the greatest mistake that can NEVER be corrected, infact, it's a sin and against natural laws to bring someone's daughter to your house when you are struggling to take care of yourself and consequently starts laying foundation of poverty that will last for generations if not forever.

WHY?

Experience is the best teacher, I'm a victim of such circumstances and I know what I face in that type of marriage and is still facing. When you make such mistake, you will start sleeping abnormally which is the first sign of things to come, it will then lead to over thinking and depression. Forget about family members, no one will be there to help you when you needed their help. Begging to feed or meet your financial obligations is even worst cos first, the insults you will receive can make you commit suicide, and if you start this begging, people will always give you fake promises, the time that you would have used in doing productive something will be on moving from one place to another or staying online to reply people. Forget about all this motivational speakers cos you will only see another motivational quote from them when the sh*t hits the fan.

Secondly, the saying that someone obtain favor from Whatever God when you are Married is also false to some extent, God don't pour manna from heaven this days as was reported in the Bible (don't know if this is even true), get married and sit at home waiting for favor from the Lord and see if you didn't die of hunger within days.

Most painful part is that, you may end up suffering for another person children ignorantly, HOW?

Let me give an example, I went to one politician for help and this man told me to back later, he later sent someone to call my wife and start telling her to sleep with him (heavy pregnant woman o) before he can help. I was lucky that my wife told me about it with proof of what the man was doing, that was the day I stopped calling him. Now, what if she agreed without telling me and continued after she birth?

Guys, hustle and settle down first marriage and thank me later.

Lastly, all this girls will keep telling you that I will manage, I will manage, but if they finally come and stay with you, they will not manage again. Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak.

In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

Very correct.

Thank you

dobnina:
Well, it's obvious who you really are.
I won't bother to trade words with you so you don't transfer your negativity to me the way you have been transferring to innocent men.
Good luck.

Don't mind that old woman, she's a frustrated single old anty.

Vultron101:
no mind the senseless guy.

Stop abusing people, everyone is here to make his point. Without him too there will be nothing much to discuss. Learn to stay civil even when one doesn't agree with u, that's maturity

NNEWIsuper:
You rightly said it, I don't just understand this nonsense craze to start popping out babes right after marriage without proper planning is wrong. I hope Rubbiish can see your write up and learn new things

Oga u are not married so u will not understand!
Ask married men around u!
If u don't want to eat meat, do not use your teeth to share it! If u do not want to have kids, do not get married, it is very simple! Only married people can relate! Even your wife will mock u & question if u are fertile when it gets to a point.

Klass99:
Na lie e no go sweet, because this is an over flogged topic/issue on NL.

Nothing over flogged about it, even if it is every week we post it, let it continue.

Most of us grew up with the church mentality that marriage is a blessing bla bla bla. Omo It is packaged suffering when you are broke.

FreeIgboho:
But dating someone does not involve wedding ceremonies and pride price and aseobi and inlaws and visitors, and expectation of children, etc.
U r both wrong.

And who said ts compulsory to brandish all these before one's marriage will be termed legal ??

udoji2021:
Guys, hustle and settle down first marriage and thank me later.

Lastly, all this girls will keep telling you that I will manage, I will manage, but if they finally come and stay with you, they will not manage again. Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak.

In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

Aka let's start small, let's start small. Women who are always shouting they can manage are only doing it because of their biological clock. The moment you marry her and your finances are not in order. You will regret it.

Every woman I meet, first question is when are we getting married.

My Sister, the question should be what are we going to eat in the marriage.

buJu234:
u re right in some way..

what about a case, where the lady is not getting younger (>28yr) and she has spent the last 2-3yrs with u..

what will u still advise the man?

Baba e get one thing wey my papa dey always talk ehn, if you dey deceive ppl abeg no deceive your own sef abeg...

Free the babe as time no dey her side and you sef never balance to settle down my brother. Follow her talk make she reason with you. You dey try but e no dey be say e no dey...

E no go make sense to settle down if money no dey ooo...I take God beg you no deceive yourself ooo.

MrBrownJay1:
i dont think anything changes between dating and marriage (especially financially), but pls do tell us what changes, apart from that signed piece of paper?

I don't even know how this makes any sense to you. Like are you living under a rock or what?

cooltola:
My own take . Many are not financially literate and many skip or do not take marriage counseling seriously before entry into marriage. Marriage is a certificate given without taking the examination. Two are better than one when u marry right. Marry a friend who is willing to have ur back and willing to work or hustle and vice versa. Do not rush to have kids except time and health is not on your side and make sure both of your incomes can sustain the yourself , spouse and numbers of kids you can have. Family planning is key, so know the number of kids you and spouse can provide financially . planning is also key, cut your coat according to your size and avoid living an expensive life or chasing clout on social media. And if you are poor, stop having too many children

Fact.. The notion that 'God will help u take care of kids should be disbanded' ' we are too religious and sentimental in this country... If you no get money, pause child bearing!