₦airaland Forum

There's no amount of money that's enough to keep a marriage, you'll still see some women sleeping with their rich husband gateman or driver, why??
There was one conclusion I made about ten years ago, and that's; I look out for a virtue called "contentment" in everyone that will come closer to my life. I looked for it in friendship and I looked for it in marriage, today, I am happy in all of my life's relationships. Godliness with contentment is a great gain.
A major point is, find your bearing well. When I was in Abuja, I told my friends that with the money I struggle to survive with in Abuja, I can live big in Ibadan. They were against me but I moved.
Today, they are all in various parts of Oyo state, when they saw what God has helped me to do. Some couples are suffering in Lagos and Abuja self contained, whereas, a family can afford a Corolla and three bedroom flat in Ibadan with the same money they are collecting.
One thing is having a good wife, who understands clearly what marriage means, another thing is having a wife who just thought marriage is one of the events of life that must be done.
If you have a prudent wife, your total salary of 120k in a month will look like 1.2m to outsiders.
Has it happened to you before that, people who earns more money than you are jealous of you? I swear it happens.

NNEWIsuper:
Again you judged from the poor and miserable population you know and for you to say I'm not married without even knowing the reality makes everything you've been saying void. I have colleagues who delayed conception till they made arrangements for the babe financially. I guess you're very much low on the social class and that's what happens amongst you all. Continue to swim in your poverty and miserable lives.

I say again u are not married & u are the one with poverty mentality here!
If u can jump into marriage when u are not financially buoyant, is it in marriage u will be able to stay without kids?? If u don't want to spread poverty stay single till u have moderate inflow of cash enough to cater for the basic needs of a family like op rightly pointed out & not rushing into marriage with the hope of staying without kids when your wife can even take-in from frequent sex or u want to continue abortion in marriage? People rush into marriage because they want kids considering their age, so they can start raising kids. U that don't want kids, why will u be rushing into marriage with poverty? To have constant access to sex that the end result can only bring about children? Use head for once!

Well I won’t judge much... looking from the posters perspective I can understand his pain...
Most times things don’t always go the way we plan, some people don’t have money and they end up marrying hoping that the blessings of marriage as promised in the bible will locate them, or perhaps the woman they marry will have good luck and then money will start flowing.. but things don’t always end up that way.
It’s not wrong to marry when you’re broke, it’s wrong to marry when you don’t have a vision or you’re lazy! The truth is most times you may not get the heavenly favour as promised when married, but believe me when I say I’ve seen and heard where out of 100% of people that get married 80%actually end up rich later cos of the women they marry, they have the thirst to hustle more, when the man thinks of his wife and children to feed, sleep becomes a sin. he hustles more.. he gets new ideas and strategies to make money. He won’t be lazy.. most men that are married, poor and lazy can only end up like that cos of perhaps spiritual issues like village people. No sane man would be married and lazy when you have bills to pay. So you see marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities
Okay when the poster said all these ladies you date them and they claim that they will stay with you in poverty but later start to complain and stuff, I don’t blame the woman it’s not easy, you see your friends probably not married but they’re doing better than you, and you feel cheated, the man you married doesn’t have but you’ve hoped And prayed that he will make it sooner with you in the picture and you dint expect the suffering to take too long, my advice for you is to hold on, be patient, still hold unto God, he will make a way, as far as your hubby is a hard worker and great thinker, these suffering too would pass.

NNEWIsuper:
I have few friends with babe mama, most them their babe mamas no de take good care of their kids and mostly into drugs and other vices which a child should not be brought up from. To me instead of a babe mama I won't think of having a kid

it reach like that

NNEWIsuper:
It's the reality, it more depends on your tribe and how you want to suit yourself and if you prefer poverty over what the society says of course

Lmao

NNEWIsuper:
What's your tribe first let it not be I'm arguing with someone whom I have no cultural similarity with.
And again you lied about me not been married and that invalidates all you've said already. Enjoy your suffering in peace

U are the one spreading suffering!
I am with the op!
A man should avoid marriage until he have a moderate inflow of cash capable of providing the basic necessities for a family. You are promoting entering marriage with poverty with the hope of not having kids? Who is with poverty mentality here?

Rubbiish:
God bless u!
My friend who got married in April this year had this kind of arrangement with his wife, i told them it wasn't going to work. I am even with him as I am typing this & we are just laughing at those saying stay without kids after marriage. Just less than 2 months around june his wife told him they should go for fertility test, my guy was shocked! This was a girl who said no kids after marriage & now she is pregnant. Lol

Person wey no fear women, no sabi life... Make God just give us better one. They will change am for you

Lawrry:
There's no amount of money that's enough to keep a marriage, you'll still see some women sleeping with their rich husband gateman or driver, why??
There was one conclusion I made about ten years ago, and that's; I look out for a virtue called "contentment" in everyone that will come closer to my life. I looked for it in friendship and I looked for it in marriage, today, I am happy in all of my life's relationships. Godliness with contentment is a great gain.
A major point is, find your bearing well. When I was in Abuja, I told my friends that with the money I struggle to survive with in Abuja, I can live big in Ibadan. They were against me but I moved.
Today, they are all in various parts of Oyo state, when they saw what God has helped me to do. Some couples are suffering in Lagos and Abuja self contained, whereas, a family can afford a Corolla and three bedroom flat in Ibadan with the same money they are collecting.
One thing is having a good wife, who understands clearly what marriage means, another thing is having a wife who just thought marriage is one of the events of life that must be done.
If you have a prudent wife, your total salary of 120k in a month will look like 1.2m to outsiders.
Has it happened to you before that, people who earns more money than you are jealous of you? I swear it happens.

True.. However these breed seems to be dying daily.. Slay mama everywhere

NNEWIsuper:
The part I rightfully marked out is false. People marry for different reasons and giving birth is just a part. Besides most Whites even just marry without aim of having kids including some Africans. We're explaining to you how to [s]reduce or avoid suffering in marriage by delaying the time of giving birth so far you're all still fertile and healthy so you don't suffer much. Do you guys so much like suffering over your sanity?[/s] Nawa o

this is africa, Nigeria precisely. if you marry you no get pickin na sympathy and taboo for my village oo.

imagine say your mama dey look your wife say she no dey fertile! i swear she can't stand that shame people will say its the sin of abortion hunting her, some will say you are not man enough, many will say its demonic, and nobody will listen to your contraceptive storey.

the valid point is make money before geting married so that when bills and kids come, you're all prepared.

cooltola:
Marriage is the only certificate one get without taking the exam. What about the case of a man who was financially well before marriage, then he got sack or his business went down while married and he has not recovered financially. What should one suggest for those who are in this predicament?

Acceptable and well understood exception.

MrBrownJay1:
all you people are looking at marriage with a failed vision.... you dont need money to get married, marriage is just an extention of a r/ship sealed by a useless piece of paper....if you guys were broke and could date happily, then there is no reason why you couldnt get married and still be happy. the problem here is that all you people are thinking that a broke couple should do exactly the same thing as one with money, while the couple with little money needs to ADAPT TO THEIR SITUATION until they have enough money to care for a family (aka children etc)

a lot of people are quick to call a man/woman broke because they only have money to take care of their own needs, but the reality is that there are many people who are broke because they paid their rent, put food in the fridge and paid their bills etc. if 2 broke people join hands, then they can EASILY live happily ever after (so long as they dont try to add to their family). so a broke married couple needs to take contraception, need to cut their coat according to their situation and they need to work towards getting a better life situation in order to have kids etc

it takes money for a single person to take care of their basic need... its called LIFE and everyone should be able to take care of their basic needs before thinking of marriage, same for married ones. you dont need "more" money to get married than the money you each had to take care of your basic needs, if your spouse cant/couldnt take care of their basic needs then you shouldnt get married and that person should sort that part of their lives 1st before thinking of getting married, as they are a LIABILITY

as for your hustle statement, no wonder so many men fail in marriage when they think that having money to take care of a liability is the solution to their problem....a liability is a LIABILITY whether you bring more money to the table or not.

RESPECT!

First of all i agree with OP.
I also agree with you.

But it is important to consider the logical presupposition within a statement.

OP is talking about reality, taking about the real world with all its challenges as is.

You on the other hand are talking about an ideal situation where:

1. The wife is willing to share responsibility of provision
2. The wife is a working class
3. There's absolutely no added responsibility when a man marries. etc

Honestly i wish so too!
Where two people who are able to take care of their respective selves come together and continue life together without stress.
But that's just a wishful thought!

Juliearth:
That it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for others. Marriage has a way of unlocking blessings to the couple involved. Also, it is partnership for life. Thus, when you you marry a woman whose thinking aligns with yours, you can do exploit. Remember that two good heads are better than one.


Also, you don't have to write your union off. You and madam should go back to the drawing board and trace where the problems are from, make necessary adjustments and see how things would turn out for good.

Motivational speaker be careful!

24brains:
this is africa, Nigeria precisely. if you marry you no get pickin na sympathy and taboo for my village oo.

imagine say your mama dey look your wife say she no dey fertile! i swear she can't stand that shame people will say its the sin of abortion hunting her, some will say you are not man enough, many will say its demonic, and nobody will listen to your contraceptive storey.

the valid point is make money before geting married so that when bills and kids come, you're all prepared.

Reality,

Rubbiish:
Because u can lose your job after marriage is not enough reason to enter marriage unprepared. We humans can die at any given time, that is not enough reason not to prepare for life, we struggle for education, skills etc some of us may end up not using. Planning our retirements of which many won't even get to old age. So losing your job after marriage is unforseen & it is totally different from entering marriage unprepared financially! It is just like saying kids should start impregnating their girlfriend since it is possible they may be unable to give birth after marriage which is very possible, such unplanned mentality can only bring about untold hardship.

I never advocated for entering into marriage unprepared without a plan. I merely said entering into marriage is not all about the amount of money you have or level of success. You must have a plan. That's the secret and be disciplined enough to stick to the plan or improve on it when necessary.

Manq:
Money isn't everything but something in marriage.. I got married with an income lower than 50k managed to startup a small business for her, along the line she got a job, now I have my own business combined with my job. We have a kid and now thinking of adding another one to the family. So we combine all our incomes from work and business.. wasn't easy t the start but look at us now! Na God.. I'm not saying she's the best human in the world neither I'm I. But when you see what you need in life, kill (not to spill blood) to get it cos it's either u or them. I took her from someone who was playing with her heart cos I saw the potentials in her.. plus always pray to God and use your head before you select a bride..

Did you wed her before all this or you wed her after all this or you will wed her later .
.
My reason of asking this question is , if I am not financially bouyant I will not marry by wedding . But if is to cohabit with a girlfriend and grind the life together, maybe letter welcome a child to the world with her . Wen everything gets better I will now wed her simple

NextBuhari:
Motivational speaker be careful!

Lol!

I went through this thread from page one. And I strongly believe you guys are all saying same thing.. don't get married till you're financially ready or get married and don't bear children till you're ready.... This readiness falls back to the man...

I think as a man don't be lazy.. think of possible ways to make now and more money.. even before more responsibilities comes think of more ways to add to your income.


Reason why most people get richer when they are married is not necessarily because they married a particular woman.. it's actually the law is motivation... Naturally a man that is not lazy will be more focused and just want to do more even he's married...

Finally as a man don't be lazy. Work hard, then Get married, don't wait for anything. The if you choose not to bear children after marriage it's your choice

udoji2021:
I just come across a thread about this topic and felt like contributing on it.

https://www.nairaland.com/6703059/struggling-hard-money-hasnt-come

Guys, I will not beat around the bush, getting married when you are not financially bouyant is the greatest mistake that can NEVER be corrected, infact, it's a sin and against natural laws to bring someone's daughter to your house when you are struggling to take care of yourself and consequently starts laying foundation of poverty that will last for generations if not forever.

WHY?

Experience is the best teacher, I'm a victim of such circumstances and I know what I face in that type of marriage and is still facing. When you make such mistake, you will start sleeping abnormally which is the first sign of things to come, it will then lead to over thinking and depression. Forget about family members, no one will be there to help you when you needed their help. Begging to feed or meet your financial obligations is even worst cos first, the insults you will receive can make you commit suicide, and if you start this begging, people will always give you fake promises, the time that you would have used in doing productive something will be on moving from one place to another or staying online to reply people. Forget about all this motivational speakers cos you will only see another motivational quote from them when the sh*t hits the fan.

Secondly, the saying that someone obtain favor from Whatever God when you are Married is also false to some extent, God don't pour manna from heaven this days as was reported in the Bible (don't know if this is even true), get married and sit at home waiting for favor from the Lord and see if you didn't die of hunger within days.

Most painful part is that, you may end up suffering for another person children ignorantly, HOW?

Let me give an example, I went to one politician for help and this man told me to back later, he later sent someone to call my wife and start telling her to sleep with him (heavy pregnant woman o) before he can help. I was lucky that my wife told me about it with proof of what the man was doing, that was the day I stopped calling him. Now, what if she agreed without telling me and continued after she birth?

Guys, hustle and settle down first marriage and thank me later.

Lastly, all this girls will keep telling you that I will manage, I will manage, but if they finally come and stay with you, they will not manage again. Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak.

In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

Depends on the man's age, if he is 45 n above he should marry with the little he has

That's why u xtians will be so dammmmmm blind when d Muslims re busy dominating ur fxxcking nation. Come and see almageri everywhere in the northern part feeding themsef. What happen in Afghanistan suppose teach una lesson. Misleaders everywhere.

Pochettino:
We women were created to bring down men & destroy their destinies.
I wonder why men don't know this yet.

...... Hello ma'am are you for real

udoji2021:
I just come across a thread about this topic and felt like contributing on it.

https://www.nairaland.com/6703059/struggling-hard-money-hasnt-come

Guys, I will not beat around the bush, getting married when you are not financially bouyant is the greatest mistake that can NEVER be corrected, infact, it's a sin and against natural laws to bring someone's daughter to your house when you are struggling to take care of yourself and consequently starts laying foundation of poverty that will last for generations if not forever.

WHY?

Experience is the best teacher, I'm a victim of such circumstances and I know what I face in that type of marriage and is still facing. When you make such mistake, you will start sleeping abnormally which is the first sign of things to come, it will then lead to over thinking and depression. Forget about family members, no one will be there to help you when you needed their help. Begging to feed or meet your financial obligations is even worst cos first, the insults you will receive can make you commit suicide, and if you start this begging, people will always give you fake promises, the time that you would have used in doing productive something will be on moving from one place to another or staying online to reply people. Forget about all this motivational speakers cos you will only see another motivational quote from them when the sh*t hits the fan.

Secondly, the saying that someone obtain favor from Whatever God when you are Married is also false to some extent, God don't pour manna from heaven this days as was reported in the Bible (don't know if this is even true), get married and sit at home waiting for favor from the Lord and see if you didn't die of hunger within days.

Most painful part is that, you may end up suffering for another person children ignorantly, HOW?

Let me give an example, I went to one politician for help and this man told me to back later, he later sent someone to call my wife and start telling her to sleep with him (heavy pregnant woman o) before he can help. I was lucky that my wife told me about it with proof of what the man was doing, that was the day I stopped calling him. Now, what if she agreed without telling me and continued after she birth?

Guys, hustle and settle down first marriage and thank me later.

Lastly, all this girls will keep telling you that I will manage, I will manage, but if they finally come and stay with you, they will not manage again. Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak.

In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

hmm u are very correct, but to me after I marry my wife there was nothing but on getting my first daughter things started changing,at 36y I have 3kids n a condo, and no gov nor state job.. When we get married were we moved to that is were God open his door and secondly am not a womanizer so I believe there is no female curse ravaging over my life.with this I only blv GOD just pay me back for my decency

This is not something new 6 to 10 years ago this post could be interesting, but majority of people are wise now no one wants to make such mistake. Gud post. Anyway it a reminder for does that want to engage in such.

MrBrownJay1:
... and how exactly does MONEY solve the above issues you just stated?!?!? the above has absolutely nothing to do with financial stability, as a fake/disrespectful woman will be the same, whether dating or married....

Bro marry first let's read your story. First hand experience is the best.

God bless you sir ....I love this

Lawrry:
There's no amount of money that's enough to keep a marriage, you'll still see some women sleeping with their rich husband gateman or driver, why??
There was one conclusion I made about ten years ago, and that's; I look out for a virtue called "contentment" in everyone that will come closer to my life. I looked for it in friendship and I looked for it in marriage, today, I am happy in all of my life's relationships. Godliness with contentment is a great gain.
A major point is, find your bearing well. When I was in Abuja, I told my friends that with the money I struggle to survive with in Abuja, I can live big in Ibadan. They were against me but I moved.
Today, they are all in various parts of Oyo state, when they saw what God has helped me to do. Some couples are suffering in Lagos and Abuja self contained, whereas, a family can afford a Corolla and three bedroom flat in Ibadan with the same money they are collecting.
One thing is having a good wife, who understands clearly what marriage means, another thing is having a wife who just thought marriage is one of the events of life that must be done.
If you have a prudent wife, your total salary of 120k in a month will look like 1.2m to outsiders.
Has it happened to you before that, people who earns more money than you are jealous of you? I swear it happens.

MrBrownJay1:
i dont think anything changes between dating and marriage (especially financially), but pls do tell us what changes, apart from that signed piece of paper?

again: a dating couple shouldnt have kids before they are financially/emotionally/physically ready to have one together.... same with married couple, and that doesnt mean they cant be together, it just mean they have to be careful as to not have kids they cant take care of.

sadly, due to the African belief that as soon as one get married, they need to have children to showcase their "happy family" and/or ego of men to show that their tool is working, many foolish broke people have kids that they cant take care of

hmm u shall not die young u get sense

Pochettino:
We women were created to bring down men & destroy their destinies.
I wonder why men don't know this yet.

not every woman are karishika,some are blessing to there home..

udoji2021:
I just come across a thread about this topic and felt like contributing on it.

https://www.nairaland.com/6703059/struggling-hard-money-hasnt-come

Guys, I will not beat around the bush, getting married when you are not financially bouyant is the greatest mistake that can NEVER be corrected, infact, it's a sin and against natural laws to bring someone's daughter to your house when you are struggling to take care of yourself and consequently starts laying foundation of poverty that will last for generations if not forever.

WHY?

Experience is the best teacher, I'm a victim of such circumstances and I know what I face in that type of marriage and is still facing. When you make such mistake, you will start sleeping abnormally which is the first sign of things to come, it will then lead to over thinking and depression. Forget about family members, no one will be there to help you when you needed their help. Begging to feed or meet your financial obligations is even worst cos first, the insults you will receive can make you commit suicide, and if you start this begging, people will always give you fake promises, the time that you would have used in doing productive something will be on moving from one place to another or staying online to reply people. Forget about all this motivational speakers cos you will only see another motivational quote from them when the sh*t hits the fan.

Secondly, the saying that someone obtain favor from Whatever God when you are Married is also false to some extent, God don't pour manna from heaven this days as was reported in the Bible (don't know if this is even true), get married and sit at home waiting for favor from the Lord and see if you didn't die of hunger within days.

Most painful part is that, you may end up suffering for another person children ignorantly, HOW?

Let me give an example, I went to one politician for help and this man told me to back later, he later sent someone to call my wife and start telling her to sleep with him (heavy pregnant woman o) before he can help. I was lucky that my wife told me about it with proof of what the man was doing, that was the day I stopped calling him. Now, what if she agreed without telling me and continued after she birth?

Guys, hustle and settle down first marriage and thank me later.

Lastly, all this girls will keep telling you that I will manage, I will manage, but if they finally come and stay with you, they will not manage again. Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak.

In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

good write-up and also good advice form you sir.

but is it by force to get married?

MrBrownJay1:
all you people are looking at marriage with a failed vision.... you dont need money to get married, marriage is just an extention of a r/ship sealed by a useless piece of paper....if you guys were broke and could date happily, then there is no reason why you couldnt get married and still be happy. the problem here is that all you people are thinking that a broke couple should do exactly the same thing as one with money, while the couple with little money needs to ADAPT TO THEIR SITUATION until they have enough money to care for a family (aka children etc)

a lot of people are quick to call a man/woman broke because they only have money to take care of their own needs, but the reality is that there are many people who are broke because they paid their rent, put food in the fridge and paid their bills etc. if 2 broke people join hands, then they can EASILY live happily ever after (so long as they dont try to add to their family). so a broke married couple needs to take contraception, need to cut their coat according to their situation and they need to work towards getting a better life situation in order to have kids etc

it takes money for a single person to take care of their basic need... its called LIFE and everyone should be able to take care of their basic needs before thinking of marriage, same for married ones. you dont need "more" money to get married than the money you each had to take care of your basic needs, if your spouse cant/couldnt take care of their basic needs then you shouldnt get married and that person should sort that part of their lives 1st before thinking of getting married, as they are a LIABILITY

as for your hustle statement, no wonder so many men fail in marriage when they think that having money to take care of a liability is the solution to their problem....a liability is a LIABILITY whether you bring more money to the table or not.

This write up really make a whole sense. I think I will read it again and again and use it to advise those who fall in the category of being broke but want to marry.

caandi:
Well I won’t judge much... looking from the posters perspective I can understand his pain...
Most times things don’t always go the way we plan,
[s]It’s not wrong to marry when you’re broke[/s], it’s wrong to marry when you don’t have a vision or you’re lazy! [s]when the man thinks of his wife and children to feed, sleep becomes a sin. he hustles more[/s]

do not seek advice from women, they have always lied to the comon man to deceive him. (redpillers rule)

No wonder men die before their time! So because a man has a wife and children to feed, he should deprive himself of sleep in the name of hustle abi? thats the begining of suffering in marriage indeed.

You sound one sided though. While a woman sit idle for a man to provide.

Guys shebi una hear the responsibilities married man dey carry? So marriage no be for poor people oo.

Make money before you enter legal suffering.

Why I Stabbed Sex Worker, Omolara To Death After Deal Was Done I8 Year Old Ex Convict

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34hTl0ju5so

MrBrownJay1:
you sir do not know what you are talking about... 1st of all, if people are attracted to you for money, then they will never show their true colors so long as you give them the money they require (aka pay as you go). they will do/say/act as you want them to so long as you pay them, and you will only see their true colors when money don finish. sadly, the reality is that majority dont give a fukc about you but your money, and money is the only thing that matters to them,,,so again, what you wrote above is irrelevant to the subject at hand.

2nd if a girl pretends when dating BECAUSE OF YOUR MONEY, then you best believe thats this is exactly what she will do AFTER MARRIAGE... until she has enough money saved to now drop you and go marry the man of her dream (and probably support him with "your" money)

3rd money can NEVER solve the issue of disrespectful partners, because everyone knows that you cant buy respect....you can only buy deluded broke aass women who will pretend to respect you (for a fee).

4th if you think that paying a woman to respect you, is the way to go in this life, then i suggest you start to accept that you will solely be surrounded by oloshos for the rest of your natural life.

FINALLY only a broke and/or highly deluded person believes that money solves every problems in marriage. money doesnt solve cheating, money doesnt solve a disrespectful wife, money doesnt solve bad health, money doesnt solve ungrateful family/friends, money doesnt solve stupidity, money doesnt solve accidents and unforeseen tragedies.... etc etc etc

lol. You funny die. anybody way follow your advice for marriage go hear am.

40K+ that's not even enough for me as a single guy, someone is shouting marriage.
Marriage kee you there
I am totally with the OP on this.