₦airaland Forum

@Ochason,

Your male moniker is giving this thread very fake vibes beht we move.

First, count yourself very very lucky that your husband spilled the beans immediately. (Your mother's prayers are working).

Now your husband has laid his cards, the ball is in your court.

However, note that:

1. Your husband is now a polygamist and your Iyawo would be married in the abroad. Hence, the talk of divorcing her after some years na wash! (You also know that) especially as it is your husband planning to divorce and not the woman wanting it. If the woman wanted the divorce in the West, then it is a different ball game.

2. Your husband is based abroad with the new wife so you are now the other wife. When the second wife gives birth, they have formed their little family so you are now the intruder. Know that he & his family would always support the second wife and you would become the witch who wants some time with a husband who is babysitting his new baby. Accept you are fine with married but living single.

3. How do you intend to get pregnant? Baba will leave his family and come to Nigeria to try? He would sneak you into a hotel in US and sleep with you? When you finally carry belle, you will stay alone in Nigeria? You would squat with his sister in the US? You would beg your Iyawo to let you perch with them? Would your husband get you another house/accommodation there? Or would you sort out your accommodation yourself? After birth and you are back to Naija, will your husband shuttle Naija & US?

Remember that your in-laws and even family would advise you from the POV that benefits them the most.

Do a SWOT analysis: what is the benefit of this new model of marriage to you? Are you better off single?

Husband committed adultery so you are legally, morally and all ways within your right to divorce him.

If you want to stay, better make sure it very very worth it.

Look how gentle she sounds now, till she gets to America and gets her papers, she will turn from cat to tiger .... the man must b very foolish if he still considers bringing u to the USA... I pity him...his downfall is just taking its time having tea

Ia don't know if your story a is real or fake. , If it's real just move on with your life or tell him to help to state , so that u can stay on your own

Ulunne777:
Your self esteem is an all time low. Sorry I had to say it.Always look out for your mental health and yourself cos the stressless path you chose is even more stressful.
That other lady after marriage will block communication from him. He'll only hide and call,is that how you'd want your child in Nigeria to be speaking to their married Daddy abroad?

Well, d window I view realities is quite different from yours

Marvyx:
Are you really serious with this your comment? Do you really have this low self-esteem??

I mean I'm a guy but mentality like yours has kept women subjugated for all ages. Maybe you'll do the same thing like the husband if given the chance. But if not, have some respect for yourself lady. You deserve the best if you treat people right.

D window I view my reality is different from yours.

FanOfMyself:
Just look at how selfish women can be. Sarah gave Haggai to father Abraham because she was getting old and couldn't bore him a son. That's how a respectful and selfless woman should be.
Sorry I am just trolling.

Mama Sarah gave Daddy Abraham the maid after she has enjoyed more than 50 years of marital bliss with no baby to disturb her, and no rival or co-wife for that matter.

She's the winner in this case. Can you imagine how many Nigerian women would envy this kind of blessing.

A faithful husband for 50 years!!!!!!!

Ochason:
What have I done to deserve this kind of betrayal....
I really feel so depressed cos of the betrayal that I have been through. So, I got married in 2018. My husband is a medical personnel in the US. When we got married, we started to work on my papers and it was not forth coming. So, I got a tourist visa to go and join him for a year while still working on permanent papers.
My husband is a very loving man and I bless God for him. Through out the first year of our marriage, we tried to get pregnant all through but nothing happened. I had to come back to home after my one year ended to apply again. while I was here, the pandemic and lock down happened. So, I could not go back to my husband for almost a year.We spoke everyday during the pandemic. Always telling each other that we miss each other. So after the lock down, I have been trying to get back to my husband. I have compiled all my papers and waiting for my husband to send me the necessary documents so I can include them in the application.
Since them, my husband has been giving me one excuse or the other for why he has not sent the documents. He said he has been busy, bla bla. I know his job keeps him busy yes but this his behavior is strange. I just began to get worried that he is not making this a priority. Sometimes, I will even call him and he will not answer.
I became worried and called his elder sister in US. She then told me she will call me back. Last month, she fixed a zoom meeting with me and my husband and it was in that meeting that my husband told me that he has something to confess to me. His voice was shaking. He knelt down and told me he has done something bad and wants me to forgive him.
He said he slept with a coworker during the lockdown and the lady is pregnant. That the lady told him that she was going to remove the pregnancy but he told her no because he has been looking for a baby since we got married. The lady said the only way she will keep the baby is if he will marry her, that she will not have a baby outside wedlock.That he told her he is already married but the lady said that is the only way she will keep the baby. So, that is why he has been avoiding bringing me back to the US. That he loves me and he does not want to let me go but he just wants the woman to have the baby and maybe later they can divorce when the baby is born and then I can come back to join him. I thought he and his sister were pulling my legs cos I just left the meeting and went to cry my eyes out. After several days of calling and me rejecting his call, my husband and I spoke and he still kept begging me. He swears that he will divorce the woman after she gives birth. That he just wants to make sure she keeps his child.
This whole thing makes me want to just end my marriage but I love my husband so much. He now calls me everyday, asking for forgiveness and I want to just try and see his reasoning but his reasoning is so selfish. Just because I have not had a baby in just three years of marriage. Just because I was not around during a pandemic…he has s8x with another woman and has a baby and marries her and he wants me to forgive him?
what kind of wickedness is this? Do I deserve this? My family is divided about this. Some members of my family want me to call it quits while some, want me to remain after all, he is still my husband. My husband wants to come back to Nigeria this summer to beg and make up but I don’t know id I want to see him. I don’t think the pain I feel will ever go away.
I loved and trusted this man. I don’t trust him anymore. I cannot even talk to him even though I love him so dearly. My heart has been shattered in pieces. Of what use is being married? Just to wait that he eventually divorces his US wife maybe in another 2 or 3 years? I really am heartbroken. If you were in my shoes, what will you do? Will you forgive and wait for such a man to divorce the other woman or would you move on? Please advise.

Madam, since the start of your marriage, you have been played.
Let me tell you why.

When a guy is traveling abroad, his family tries to get him married, some families don't want foreign wives, hence, you.

Lots of men have learnt their lessons from the trend of Nigerian wives showing their husbands pepper in 'the abroad', so they do everything possible to keep their women in Nigeria. Hence, your papers will not be made possible.

You were supposed to be breeding, baby, but as fate would have it, it didn't happen, so, they feel that you are not helping their cause.

Your husband and his family are not on your side.

Make the decision that works best for you, in my opinion though, you should drop him like he deserves and start over, look at your own plans and make it happen for you. Forget that man, he doesn't love you.

P. S. I know it's hard, but never harbor love in your heart for someone who played you.

Saintmary:
Mama Sarah gave Daddy Abraham the maid after she has enjoyed more than 50 years of marital bliss with no baby to disturb her, and no rival or co-wife for that matter.

She's the winner in this case. Can you imagine how many Nigerian women would envy this kind of blessing.

A faithful husband for 50 years!!!!!!!

Yeah a faithful husband like me.

FanOfMyself:
Yeah a faithful husband like me.

Take your lies to the next girl abeg.

Besides, you can only call yourself faithful if you've done it, not because you plan to be faithful.

Saintmary:
Take your lies to the next girl abeg.

Besides, you can only call yourself faithful if you've done it, not because you plan to be faithful.

Ah ah Mary, there are still some loyal men out there oo. Maybe you haven't met one them yet.

FanOfMyself:
Ah ah Mary, there are still some loyal men out there oo. Maybe you haven't met one them yet.

You didn't understand my response.

If you're not married, you can't be called faithful.

Saintmary:
You didn't understand my response.

If you're not married, you can't be called faithful.

I'm not married yet but I know that I will be faithful to my wife.

FanOfMyself:
I'm not married yet but I know that I will be faithful to my wife.

That has nothing to do with me

AutoChick4U:
Personally I'd forgive him as long as he's repentant and he ain't divorcing anyone after any childbirth. As he feels strong enough to marry 2 women, let it be so at least I am the first wife and perhaps the cries of a baby will open up my womb as well. Thats just me though, I don't like stress.

She is no longer the first wife. The woman with the child is the first wife.
See Tuface's story; Can you see that even if he never married her Pero is the first wife.
The story is fake if not I would have advised the aunty to move on.
The moment that child is birthed the real wife in the US will never allow her visit the US again. The marriage is over

bukatyne:
@Ochason,

Your male moniker is giving this thread very fake vibes beht we move.

First, count yourself very very lucky that your husband spilled the beans immediately. (Your mother's prayers are working).

Now your husband has laid his cards, the ball is in your court.

However, note that:

1. Your husband is now a polygamist and your Iyawo would be married in the abroad. Hence, the talk of divorcing her after some years na wash! (You also know that) especially as it is your husband planning to divorce and not the woman wanting it. If the woman wanted the divorce in the West, then it is a different ball game.

2. Your husband is based abroad with the new wife so you are now the other wife. When the second wife gives birth, they have formed their little family so you are now the intruder. Know that he & his family would always support the second wife and you would become the witch who wants some time with a husband who is babysitting his new baby. Accept you are fine with married but living single.

3. How do you intend to get pregnant? Baba will leave his family and come to Nigeria to try? He would sneak you into a hotel in US and sleep with you? When you finally carry belle, you will stay alone in Nigeria? You would squat with his sister in the US? You would beg your Iyawo to let you perch with them? Would your husband get you another house/accommodation there? Or would you sort out your accommodation yourself? After birth and you are back to Naija, will your husband shuttle Naija & US?

Remember that your in-laws and even family would advise you from the POV that benefits them the most.

Do a SWOT analysis: what is the benefit of this new model of marriage to you? Are you better off single?

Husband committed adultery so you are legally, morally and all ways within your right to divorce him.

If you want to stay, better make sure it very very worth it.

Well said. She is now the outsider

Saintmary:
That has nothing to do with me

Well you are correct, but who knows...

heykims:
It might sound weird but this is the truth, the sooner the world embraces polygamy, the better it'll be for us all.

How is polygamy ever going to put an end to infidelity in marriages, please?

Hopebringer:
[s][/s]

Are you a baby?

US law won't just allow him divorce after birth secondly , he will pay child support etc

Third the fact is he can't divorce her after birth or anytime soon. He has wanted a baby since and has gotten one so he likely loved that woman and when the baby is born the love will grow.

What he feels for you is pity , guilt etc

I am so sorry dear ,I wish you strength for what is to come . I hope more of your Nigerian women learn to embrace court marriage and forget all these other ones... If you had done a court marriage your case will have been so simple I would have taught you how to Bleep him up but alas as a typical Nigerian woman it's traditional and white wedding he did for you and you assumed you were married..

Pele
PS I know this is a fake post but I am bored and can't sleep so let's keep fooling ourselves

Court marriage?
Then the marriage is built on Money/wealth.
I don't subscribe to court marriage.

My view, though

genitori:
Court marriage?
Then the marriage is built on Money/wealth.
I don't subscribe to court marriage.

My view, though

No one cares about your view because it is stupid.

So many women have suffered die to that stupidity.

When contesting property you think a court recodnizes your white wedding or traditional wedding ? Go to any embassy and ask for visa as a couple without a court marriage certificate.

Go to school you guys so you can become enlightened

Shokoloko:
Well said. She is now the outsider

Any pampering or remorse from the husband & family is till the baby comes.

After that, she is on her own.

Classic case of 'out of sight is out of mind'.

Ochason:
What have I done to deserve this kind of betrayal....
I really feel so depressed cos of the betrayal that I have been through. So, I got married in 2018. My husband is a medical personnel in the US. When we got married, we started to work on my papers and it was not forth coming. So, I got a tourist visa to go and join him for a year while still working on permanent papers.
My husband is a very loving man and I bless God for him. Through out the first year of our marriage, we tried to get pregnant all through but nothing happened. I had to come back to home after my one year ended to apply again. while I was here, the pandemic and lock down happened. So, I could not go back to my husband for almost a year.We spoke everyday during the pandemic. Always telling each other that we miss each other. So after the lock down, I have been trying to get back to my husband. I have compiled all my papers and waiting for my husband to send me the necessary documents so I can include them in the application.
Since them, my husband has been giving me one excuse or the other for why he has not sent the documents. He said he has been busy, bla bla. I know his job keeps him busy yes but this his behavior is strange. I just began to get worried that he is not making this a priority. Sometimes, I will even call him and he will not answer.
I became worried and called his elder sister in US. She then told me she will call me back. Last month, she fixed a zoom meeting with me and my husband and it was in that meeting that my husband told me that he has something to confess to me. His voice was shaking. He knelt down and told me he has done something bad and wants me to forgive him.
He said he slept with a coworker during the lockdown and the lady is pregnant. That the lady told him that she was going to remove the pregnancy but he told her no because he has been looking for a baby since we got married. The lady said the only way she will keep the baby is if he will marry her, that she will not have a baby outside wedlock.That he told her he is already married but the lady said that is the only way she will keep the baby. So, that is why he has been avoiding bringing me back to the US. That he loves me and he does not want to let me go but he just wants the woman to have the baby and maybe later they can divorce when the baby is born and then I can come back to join him. I thought he and his sister were pulling my legs cos I just left the meeting and went to cry my eyes out. After several days of calling and me rejecting his call, my husband and I spoke and he still kept begging me. He swears that he will divorce the woman after she gives birth. That he just wants to make sure she keeps his child.
This whole thing makes me want to just end my marriage but I love my husband so much. He now calls me everyday, asking for forgiveness and I want to just try and see his reasoning but his reasoning is so selfish. Just because I have not had a baby in just three years of marriage. Just because I was not around during a pandemic…he has s8x with another woman and has a baby and marries her and he wants me to forgive him?
what kind of wickedness is this? Do I deserve this? My family is divided about this. Some members of my family want me to call it quits while some, want me to remain after all, he is still my husband. My husband wants to come back to Nigeria this summer to beg and make up but I don’t know id I want to see him. I don’t think the pain I feel will ever go away.
I loved and trusted this man. I don’t trust him anymore. I cannot even talk to him even though I love him so dearly. My heart has been shattered in pieces. Of what use is being married? Just to wait that he eventually divorces his US wife maybe in another 2 or 3 years? I really am heartbroken. If you were in my shoes, what will you do? Will you forgive and wait for such a man to divorce the other woman or would you move on? Please advise.

No words from his mouth can ever undo what he has already done

The trust is gone forever.

Can you ever see his child as your own? Can you ever love them as if they were yours? Given that they were born out of betrayal, I highly doubt

Ochason:
What have I done to deserve this kind of betrayal....
I really feel so depressed cos of the betrayal that I have been through. So, I got married in 2018. My husband is a medical personnel in the US. When we got married, we started to work on my papers and it was not forth coming. So, I got a tourist visa to go and join him for a year while still working on permanent papers.
My husband is a very loving man and I bless God for him. Through out the first year of our marriage, we tried to get pregnant all through but nothing happened. I had to come back to home after my one year ended to apply again. while I was here, the pandemic and lock down happened. So, I could not go back to my husband for almost a year.We spoke everyday during the pandemic. Always telling each other that we miss each other. So after the lock down, I have been trying to get back to my husband. I have compiled all my papers and waiting for my husband to send me the necessary documents so I can include them in the application.
Since them, my husband has been giving me one excuse or the other for why he has not sent the documents. He said he has been busy, bla bla. I know his job keeps him busy yes but this his behavior is strange. I just began to get worried that he is not making this a priority. Sometimes, I will even call him and he will not answer.
I became worried and called his elder sister in US. She then told me she will call me back. Last month, she fixed a zoom meeting with me and my husband and it was in that meeting that my husband told me that he has something to confess to me. His voice was shaking. He knelt down and told me he has done something bad and wants me to forgive him.
He said he slept with a coworker during the lockdown and the lady is pregnant. That the lady told him that she was going to remove the pregnancy but he told her no because he has been looking for a baby since we got married. The lady said the only way she will keep the baby is if he will marry her, that she will not have a baby outside wedlock.That he told her he is already married but the lady said that is the only way she will keep the baby. So, that is why he has been avoiding bringing me back to the US. That he loves me and he does not want to let me go but he just wants the woman to have the baby and maybe later they can divorce when the baby is born and then I can come back to join him. I thought he and his sister were pulling my legs cos I just left the meeting and went to cry my eyes out. After several days of calling and me rejecting his call, my husband and I spoke and he still kept begging me. He swears that he will divorce the woman after she gives birth. That he just wants to make sure she keeps his child.
This whole thing makes me want to just end my marriage but I love my husband so much. He now calls me everyday, asking for forgiveness and I want to just try and see his reasoning but his reasoning is so selfish. Just because I have not had a baby in just three years of marriage. Just because I was not around during a pandemic…he has s8x with another woman and has a baby and marries her and he wants me to forgive him?
what kind of wickedness is this? Do I deserve this? My family is divided about this. Some members of my family want me to call it quits while some, want me to remain after all, he is still my husband. My husband wants to come back to Nigeria this summer to beg and make up but I don’t know id I want to see him. I don’t think the pain I feel will ever go away.
I loved and trusted this man. I don’t trust him anymore. I cannot even talk to him even though I love him so dearly. My heart has been shattered in pieces. Of what use is being married? Just to wait that he eventually divorces his US wife maybe in another 2 or 3 years? I really am heartbroken. If you were in my shoes, what will you do? Will you forgive and wait for such a man to divorce the other woman or would you move on? Please advise.

Wow..
What your husband did aint cool.
I think your husband just signed his destruction papers after impregnating another woman when he is married.

Life wont be easy for husband from now on according to marriage/child support laws.
That man is no longer your husband. There will always be trust issues.


So please move on.
Just move on.

Did you mess up your womb while flexing?
Tell yourself the truth.

Allow the man to marry the mother of his baby please. Just pull yourself together, he's still your husband anyway.

Besides you love him so much, don't you?

Or you can let the woman bear the baby for him and later divorce her.

People are encouraging her to stay because of American visa! What if the man didn't have money or isn't staying in the US. Madam just find one Bobo here make em give you belle and then you ask for his forgiveness too.

miniziter:
What's your definition of maturity please?

When you know that you can handle critical issue in the present of tension

Ochason:
What have I done to deserve this kind of betrayal....
I really feel so depressed cos of the betrayal that I have been through. So, I got married in 2018. My husband is a medical personnel in the US. When we got married, we started to work on my papers and it was not forth coming. So, I got a tourist visa to go and join him for a year while still working on permanent papers.
My husband is a very loving man and I bless God for him. Through out the first year of our marriage, we tried to get pregnant all through but nothing happened. I had to come back to home after my one year ended to apply again. while I was here, the pandemic and lock down happened. So, I could not go back to my husband for almost a year.We spoke everyday during the pandemic. Always telling each other that we miss each other. So after the lock down, I have been trying to get back to my husband. I have compiled all my papers and waiting for my husband to send me the necessary documents so I can include them in the application.
Since them, my husband has been giving me one excuse or the other for why he has not sent the documents. He said he has been busy, bla bla. I know his job keeps him busy yes but this his behavior is strange. I just began to get worried that he is not making this a priority. Sometimes, I will even call him and he will not answer.
I became worried and called his elder sister in US. She then told me she will call me back. Last month, she fixed a zoom meeting with me and my husband and it was in that meeting that my husband told me that he has something to confess to me. His voice was shaking. He knelt down and told me he has done something bad and wants me to forgive him.
He said he slept with a coworker during the lockdown and the lady is pregnant. That the lady told him that she was going to remove the pregnancy but he told her no because he has been looking for a baby since we got married. The lady said the only way she will keep the baby is if he will marry her, that she will not have a baby outside wedlock.That he told her he is already married but the lady said that is the only way she will keep the baby. So, that is why he has been avoiding bringing me back to the US. That he loves me and he does not want to let me go but he just wants the woman to have the baby and maybe later they can divorce when the baby is born and then I can come back to join him. I thought he and his sister were pulling my legs cos I just left the meeting and went to cry my eyes out. After several days of calling and me rejecting his call, my husband and I spoke and he still kept begging me. He swears that he will divorce the woman after she gives birth. That he just wants to make sure she keeps his child.
This whole thing makes me want to just end my marriage but I love my husband so much. He now calls me everyday, asking for forgiveness and I want to just try and see his reasoning but his reasoning is so selfish. Just because I have not had a baby in just three years of marriage. Just because I was not around during a pandemic…he has s8x with another woman and has a baby and marries her and he wants me to forgive him?
what kind of wickedness is this? Do I deserve this? My family is divided about this. Some members of my family want me to call it quits while some, want me to remain after all, he is still my husband. My husband wants to come back to Nigeria this summer to beg and make up but I don’t know id I want to see him. I don’t think the pain I feel will ever go away.
I loved and trusted this man. I don’t trust him anymore. I cannot even talk to him even though I love him so dearly. My heart has been shattered in pieces. Of what use is being married? Just to wait that he eventually divorces his US wife maybe in another 2 or 3 years? I really am heartbroken. If you were in my shoes, what will you do? Will you forgive and wait for such a man to divorce the other woman or would you move on? Please advise.

Is the US baby mama aware that he has a wife here in Nigeria? Wish you could answer this

AutoChick4U:
D window I view my reality is different from yours.

Alright. Whatever rocks your boat.

genitori:
Court marriage?
Then the marriage is built on Money/wealth.
I don't subscribe to court marriage.

My view, though

For the woman to have visited the husband in the US, I guess they presented their marriage certificate and that should be court

Hopebringer:
No one cares about your view because it is stupid.

So many women have suffered die to that stupidity.

When contesting property you think a court recodnizes your white wedding or traditional wedding ? Go to any embassy and ask for visa as a couple without a court marriage certificate.

Go to school you guys so you can become enlightened

And with this your response to me, you claim don't lack intelligence/knowledge.

All right then, keep wallowing in your illusory 'ocean of knowledge'.

Hopebringer:
No one cares about your view because it is stupid.

So many women have suffered die to that stupidity.

When contesting property you think a court recodnizes your white wedding or traditional wedding ? Go to any embassy and ask for visa as a couple without a court marriage certificate.

Go to school you guys so you can become enlightened

And with this your response to me, you claim you don't lack intelligence/knowledge.

All right then, keep wallowing in your illusory 'ocean of knowledge'.