₦airaland Forum

Amanda4life:
PRIVATE SCHOOL IS TOUGH.

YOU YOUR SELF , YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY OKAY THATS WHY SHE CANNOT LEAN ON YOU FINANCIALLY.

OR YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER IN TERMS OF YOUR INCOME, AND YOU ARE NOT SUPPORTING MUCH FINANCIALLY, THATS WHY SHE DONT TRUST YOUR FINANCE, YOU HID YOUR EARNING S, SHE BUILDING FINANCIAL SECURITY AROUND HER SELF.
BECAUSE , YOU ONLY SPEND ON THE CHILDREN, YOU DONT INCLUDE HER IN YOUR PLAN, SHE IS JUST TRYING TO BUILD HER OWN WALL.
YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER, YOU DONT TELL HER TRUTH, SHE HAS DETECTED A LOT OF LIES FROM YOU. YOU HAVE HIDDEN A LOT OF THINGS FROM HER AND SHE HAS FOUND OUT.

YOU TELL HER LIES A LOT, SO SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU. SHE HATES LAIRER.

JUST TRY TO CHANGE



SHE IS HARD WORKING

neonly:
I have actually suggested d house maid issue she totally oppose it
And me I dey fear make she no go kill person pikin

Kobojunkie:
I concur!

Neonly, I agree with this poster as there seems to be something you are not telling us...

Gaddafih001:
I have been married for 10 years and will be divorced by this weekend.
My mother Inlaw is the one trying to decide my fate in this marriage.
My wife goes out by 5:30 daily and comes home by 9:00pm.
What the kids eat or wears is not her concern.
I have tried to shout and beat her but she wan use dagger kill me.
I reported to the mum and she’s threatening my life.
I was sick for 8 months and she never gave me water to drink,gave me food nor even said sorry.
She was busy telling people that she’s waiting for me to die so she can wear white and move on.
She no send me.
For me,it’s better I stay far and be looking at her than to die in silence because I don’t want people to know I am having problem.
I can shout it anywhere say my madam wan kpai me ooooo.
Women no dey see your face.
Know this and know peace.
You might not survive the next 5 years.
Discharge her and build up yourself again.
You only have your life to save.

ityP:
Omo. Same reason I may never have a house help. Even if I must, it must never be a small girl. She must be matured, so that if my wife wan wicked or maltreat her, she fit carry frying pan, break my wife head one day

Albertone:
I had to re-read to know If OP is the wife or husband.
Omooo OP na the husband oo.

If she is not the breadwinner of the house and she is doing this,you have not been the man of the house.Being a man is not just by having dick o.It is by being able to control the home.

Prettychild:
Lol! Your wife is calm, if you jam babe wey tear, na the two of you go dey cheat at the same time, nothing go happen

neonly:
40"s

Kobojunkie:
Here's what a marriage like that looks like..

neonly:
Like I said in other post yes they are a lot of other issues I didn't mention just said basically what transpired it very deep yes very deep
But atleast I have been trying g to make it work and it very frustrating

ityP:
We are waiting for the other man. We will hear his story for this same nairaland. Na so e dey start. Eye go soon clear am

Chinny024:
If that's the only issue, it can be amended.. Get a house girl or boy..When she's at work,the person would be doing one or two things while you both are at work...
Apart from infidelity, I don't think you have a valid reason for a divorce here.. Or you want a house wife?....Your marriage lack proper communication..Two of you should plan together..
Oga,get a helper for her and have your peace..Shalom!!!!
She's your wife and deserve the Best in her career!!!
Period!!!!
If she's a house wife,you will still complain of having too many load on your back,head,and stomach... Nawa for men sef.....

neonly:
Bro's I even told her d Bible say love yur husband has you love him
Just imagine she just got home now since 7am to 5,05pm not even a greet just straight to her room as it nothing is happing
Well Anger don dey build up now make I just waka go my friends place

siofra:
Na mumu dey marry.

theamazonguru:
Nice article.
Beautiful theory.
Let me ask, are you married?

If you answer yes.
Then honestly I applaud you, because that simply means you are speaking from experience and mostly what you do too.
But if you are not, bros forget it all these you wrote is beautiful only on paper.

Yes I agree, you and your wife are solely responsible for the success of your marriage. But if woman ever show you their true color sorry is your case.

Even if you are rich so to say and you settle all the bills to the last Kobo,but for one reason or the other you can't afford something as little as N500, woman can make you look like you are highly irresponsible and not fit to be a husband. Only GRACE will help you not to be depressed.
This is coming from a man with about 12 years marriage experience. Yet we still never understand what exactly those breeds called "women" want.


Op come here let's talk.
For me come rain come shine
I have decided never to be moved. No retreat,no surrender.
I always tell her, we both signed up for better for worse so no one is going nowhere.
Hahahahahahahaha.
I make it work.

So what am I saying, do what you can do to make that marriage work.
Do what makes you happy in the marriage.

I dey the same compound with one couple , I admire the wife so much, so respectful and all. But the day I hear say she dey show her husband pepper any time they have a misunderstanding, na to enter the kitchen carry knife flash am for husband. The oga go just run enter him room lock door,na till the next day oga go show face.
Is yours this bad?

Another couple in the same compound, I hear say oga's wife no sabi cook soup , so na only indomie she dey serve oga chidi.
So to avoid wahala and too much shout every day, oga Chidi go branch bar and some nice kitchen , settle himself before he enter house.
If madam serve am the normal indomie he go just use style eat small unto say he is not too hungry.

So is your wife an indomie wife too?

See, every marriage has its own perculiar challenges.
You will never know what's happening in the other family until it degenerates so much to the point where both party will begin to shalaye for the whole to hear and know how bad the other partner is.

Boss,my advice is this:
Hold your ground .
Be the man.
Take it to God in prayers.
Be determined the marriage will work, hence you have the responsibility to make it work.
And lastly, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY as an individual. But don't sin against God in the process.
Even if it means staying back late at work, coming in late.
Taking vacations and all that to make yourself happy.
Whatever you can do, please do.

Like you rightly asked, what will be the fate of those kids?
Don't expose them to lion and leopard of this world.
Sacrifice for their sake.

The only ground I would suggest you divorce is the same ground for which the bible permits it - infidelity.
I will also add this, DIVORCE her if and only if your life is threatened.
Anything outside this, baba na for better for worse oh.

Peace.

Kobojunkie:
Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.

Die to your ego if you must and learn to grow rather than destroy your marriage over petty things such as what you listed here.

If your wife can't cook, you do the cooking. You walk into marriage with your pride first, you will eventually exit the same way.

Kobojunkie:
So you know the possible reason why your wife has been acting the way she has been acting towards you?

Does she act the same way with the kids?

duality:
Do you ever advise ladies?

Your pattern reveals so much about you.

ityP:
If my wife can't cook, she should buy data, enter YouTube and learn. If she doesn't, Calabar restaurant go tire for my face

theamazonguru:
Lol. Leave that guy.
I can infer 100 things about him already.

We know their types.
They think marriage is theory and hence they can easily sit behind their keyboard and dish out advice. Awon chief adviser of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Hahahahaha.

Nonsense and Buhari.

neonly:
Yes d one that is very close to me

Prettychild:
Lol! That means you have issues with your wife cheating. If you don’t have issues with your wife cheating, then she should be able to to cheat anywhere, be it in your home or her father’s house. Most guys can’t take 20% of what they dish to others smh

PeaceJoyLove:

I quite understand this was the home you came from. You father is/was the "alpha and the omega". Hahaha. Fortunately for him, the society suppressed your mother, and she was over used. No wahala. The same mentality, you have. Do not worry.

Unfortunately for you now, women have woken up. Oga, congrats. Please, do not change. I need you do exactly like your papa. Continue. And be the "Lord Luggard" of your house...and say...oh well, she can bring advice too. Lol. I have nothing to say to you.

One thing I am sure of. You will spend your old age alone. Take it. You will definitely be a lonely man. Dont worry. Continue. And let me tell you another issue...you will definitely have children with many women. You will be FFK. You see how that man is living a reckless life? A man who should concentrate on his first set of daughters and be their rock is busy holding fixing to a set of triplets diapers. Lol. That is exactly how your life will soon be. Dont worry.

Continue. Be the alpha and the omega of your home. And keep saying it that it is the way God made it. Na the woman who sees you and didnt notice it go suffer am. But mark my words, you will pay times 10.

Now , let us talk about the way God made it in the garden of Eden. God is not wicked. He gave them food in the garden. He did not give the woman a work. Just to comfort the man. It is not good for a man to be alone is what the Bible says. She is a companion first before being a helper. The woman no dey wash clothes in the garden. Abi she dey wash? The woman no dey hustle round hine things. In fact, Adam was taking care of the home, and the business. God did not give Eve a job to do. He gave it to Adam. And God did not say Eve should be a dummie to Adam. Cos if she was a dummie, she wouldn't talk to the serpent. She made decision also. So, oga, you can see that God's way was freedom. He didn't say the man is alpha and the omega. I dont know where you saw that in your Bible. But you guys twisted the Bible. And I dont blame you. You saw it in your papa, and you automatically think it is the right way. This is exactly your father. I think you need to visit a psychiatric to help you.

Goodluck!

omooba969:
With separation, both will definitely feel differently about their marriage after the short separation. Whether or not there was a solid foundation may not help.

It's helpful to engage husband and wife in talking about their problems rather than trying to run away from their shadows...in the guise of temporary separation.

grandlexuz:
I have read a few of your posts on nairaland and do enjoy how insightful you are on a bunch of things. However I totally disagree at bolded. That society in general expects the man to toast the woman, propose, pay the bride price in our African context means the union the forging has roles.

I don't know about Nigeria but in Cameroon roles are spelt out at the civil registry. If a lady created a topic on nairaland with claims of paying the rents and feeding her home for two years while the husband occupies with work and church, bringing nothing home from his job you definitely will tag him as failing in his role.

I was married for over a decade and 60% of the time I ran market duties and laundry for the home. I did out of love to lessen the strain and burden at the time. I am certain at your home if you had friends coming over your wife will do the cooking. That's a role. I am sure monthly food planning at home is done by your wife too. That's a role.

As per the OP I see everything wrong when he returns from work to market, cook and do laundry while his wife leaves from work to church with earnings that do nothing to folster the wellfare of her home. I accept with you on the need for professional counselling and dialogue to save his marriage but that too is because the wife is lacking in her role to build her home.

ufotty2001:
I have a girlfriend all what she think of is how she will collect money from me and career.. !!! She has never ask me how is business? How is life?? How are you managing... All are calls are complain that she need this or that..

generalwo:
.... Then sadly speaking senior bros, maybe it's time to let go for the sake of your kids.... It's better for kids to grow up in a broken home than for them to grow up seeing their parents constantly unhappy..... Since all avenues to make her see reasons have failed then maybe it's time to let go..... My baby's mum was just like that... We were not married though but since I had a good job and she got pregnant, I felt we could have the baby and get married later (which would have been the greatest mistake ever)...... Initially all was fine and rosy but some red flags came up wen she got pregnant..... She stopped doing stuff at home... Became seriously materialistic..... Drove me to multiple debts and depression... Denies me sex and most of all.... Disrespects me and my parents..... For Both of us to live long, we had to go our separate ways.... Now we have a good relationship... I take care oof my daughter and me and the mother are just like normal friends...... Both of you deserve peace and happiness..... No let any woman drive you to depression.......... I wish you all the best sir... For the sake of your kids....

Mayflowa:
Kobojunkie, these are not about compromise or collaboration. The wife abhors those two words that would make a marriage work. She doesn't spend for the house and does not care for the household chores. What do you want him to salvage? Another thing that would make a man do home chores is appreciation. There are many way a wife can lure her husband into doing everything for her. It comes from appreciation, romance, praises and bedworks, not by challenge and rights. You must remember men grow up differently from women. There are things a husband would not watch a woman do at home. So also women should feel about men doing something. As good and understanding husband, we should endeavor to help but we shouldn't be mandated to do them, especially if we make provision for the household.

ahnie:
You must be the wife your response is a pointer to my observation.

Kobojunkie:
Don't hold your breath though

Kobojunkie:
How old are you?