neonly:



U know most of the things u type I do from onset like buying food stuff in bulk from mile12 so dat incase we need to buy food d burden wouldn't be too much and less expensive
Honestly dis behavior didn't start in a day which I know from people commets
Your own kind of mum are rear and belief me it was inbuilt in her yur father just had to discover it
But it totally different now in our society
Der some secret I can't say out if I do u will weep for
Eg der was a time I didn't have a kobo with and I was called to come for a job at ikoyi I told my wife to give a 1000 naira she said no money I ended up selling my generator coil for malam and raise 10k which I drop 5k before going out
Next day I was cleaning d house went to her carried one box up I swear 20k 1000 naira note poured on my body I wanted to run thought it was ritual money confronted her she said her freind gave her to keep those were some of d red flag but I over look it bro's I have seen a lots just don't want to pour every out on social media

With the example above, then I think things have gone wrong deeper than we all think here. I get you. Like I wrote earlier, some partners are just unreasonable. But still check yourself.

Now, listen, I am a very straight forward person. You need to check if you can endure her more. If you cannot, you will wound yourself. You are getting to the dead end gradually where you reach your elasticity limit. And it is dangerous cos anything can happen if you reach that low level. Some kill their partners, while others kill themselves. Some even lay anger and aggression on colleagues at work or subordinates. While some get into deep depression. And this might lead to anything too. Many people died of high blood pressure, while many men ran into pot holes while driving cos they were in deep thought and that was the end. You must not reach your dead end.

Sir, your children will live their lives if you die. Do you hear me. But it is still good you put them first. If you see a way out, my brother, separate for like 2 years. Cos even that is the recommendation before divorce. If you rush to file in divorce, the judge will ask you to separate first in many cases, as long as domestic violence, impotency, or some other extreme cases arent involved. And this is where your case fall into. So, without going for divorce now, separate from her if you know there is no way forward.

If you feel she will give wahala, strategize well first before you leave. And put the children into consideration. If it is you who will go and look for a room outside, leave the house but continue paying the rent for the kids. They can do 2 weeks with her, one week with you. Or maybe weekends with you. See, if her career is her thing, there will be lapses with the children, and that is how you will take them. But if she needs her family, she will cool off and sense will fall on her.

If you know she is the cra.zy type, you may want to move your children abroad ooooo like you wrote. It is an option you consider if you know she is a not an eazy person. This is the way Anita bent Paul Okoye. She knows she wont have rest of mind in Naija. And when Paul went to visit them, they shared it. I guess she went online cos Paul was about doing some nasty things due to the divorce. And truly, she is not saying Paul should not visit his children. Why will she even say that when ma.dness is not in her. A whole Psquare. Lol. So, she used wisdom.

It depends on the woman you are dealing with. My point is that if she is totally m.ad now, plan well before you move out, or find a way to move your kids abroad. But if she is cooperative, then move out of the house, but be responsible for what tou have been doing.

This is the way ooo. Cos you will just be dying in silence. My advise is you settle your dispute as husband and wife, but if you see that it is beyond it, guy, separate. If after the 1st year, there is no change, hmmmmm. You will see na. Maybe someone will start dating her. if she keeps the children more by herself at the initial stage, and then suddenly she is pushing them to you, then know that the house you are paying for, someone is already "molating" your wifey. And that's it. Even your children may be the ones to burst it. As soon as that enters, oga, prepare for divorce. And you know there is already mutual relationship with you guys, so divorce will come without bitterness. And the children are staying more with you. That you must do oooo. Even you need to get a nanny. In that case, you will need a bigger place.

If your wife has brain and still needs the marriage, if you move out she will sit tight. If she doesnt sit tight, then, forget the marriage, she is gone. And there nothing you can do about it.

So, please, do not initiate divorce. Let events roll. You can separate, and do not ever mention divorce. Dont ever say "I will divorce you". Never. Say it with paper. Na the paper from court go say am for you at the right time. Or let her initiate it herself when she feels like.

That's it bro. May God give you peace again.

Kobojunkie:
There is more to this story than just that. According to the OP, they are both orphans, so the money she is supposedly hoarding, no be her children go get am eventually?
Op needs to communicate with his wife to really learn what the issue is.

If she is hoardng the money without letting the husband know, then she has hidden agenda.
Na men de dey secretive for marriage not wife.
When a wife becomes so secretive in her finances then there is serious issues.
There r some men that wont want to ask u about ur money cos of their pride, but its the duty of the wife to let her husband know what u earn, it shows maturity and submissiveness.
Anything short of that is error.
That marriage won't work, what they r doing is managing it.
What if the man stop earning money today, what will happen to the family?
If u have 20naira and can't share even when u r being taken care of, is it when there is crisis that u will start sharing...

AfroKnight:


I was waiting for this.

I suspected she was the type who NEVER apologises.

She thinks you need the marriage more than her. Bro. We are different people. Me, once I notice you don’t apologise, I will walk away.

Human psychology > yeye love.

I learnt late.

Kobojunkie:
Forget the gloss, those who you think are lucky have had to let go of many things to make even their relationships work the way it appears.

Sacrifice whatever you have to, in order to make your marriage work, that seems to be the general rule. I have seen men sacrifice even their ego so they can have a good marriage. A friend of mine does the cooking and cleaning in the house, even parks a lunch box every morning for his kids and wife because he says he is better at it than she is. His family is "tight" for it too.

Marriage is work and there are no roles in marriage at all - forget the meaningless lies folks spew about these things. Anyone who can do it should. Simple!

Kobojunkie, these are not about compromise or collaboration. The wife abhors those two words that would make a marriage work. She doesn't spend for the house and does not care for the household chores. What do you want him to salvage? Another thing that would make a man do home chores is appreciation. There are many way a wife can lure her husband into doing everything for her. It comes from appreciation, romance, praises and bedworks, not by challenge and rights. You must remember men grow up differently from women. There are things a husband would not watch a woman do at home. So also women should feel about men doing something. As good and understanding husband, we should endeavor to help but we shouldn't be mandated to do them, especially if we make provision for the household.

theForth:


Human psychology > yeye love.

I learnt late.

Some people actually find love. But you see Nigerian women ehn? They are conceited. They bring bare minimum to the relationship and expect you to move mountains for them. Yet they remain emotionally lazy.

neonly:



Yes she is actually a teacher in a private school whether she has saving or not I don't know and am sure her children don't know too because I have use style to ask and I don't see any bank transaction on her phone
Yes they are many issues I didn't include because am not a good writer like I said in d beginning
My concern honestly now is just my children I don't want them to grow up heart broken because parents are not together but she doesn't see d implications in all dis matter

PRIVATE SCHOOL IS TOUGH.

YOU YOUR SELF , YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY OKAY THATS WHY SHE CANNOT LEAN ON YOU FINANCIALLY.

OR YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER IN TERMS OF YOUR INCOME, AND YOU ARE NOT SUPPORTING MUCH FINANCIALLY, THATS WHY SHE DONT TRUST YOUR FINANCE, YOU HID YOUR EARNING S, SHE BUILDING FINANCIAL SECURITY AROUND HER SELF.
BECAUSE , YOU ONLY SPEND ON THE CHILDREN, YOU DONT INCLUDE HER IN YOUR PLAN, SHE IS JUST TRYING TO BUILD HER OWN WALL.
YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER, YOU DONT TELL HER TRUTH, SHE HAS DETECTED A LOT OF LIES FROM YOU. YOU HAVE HIDDEN A LOT OF THINGS FROM HER AND SHE HAS FOUND OUT.

YOU TELL HER LIES A LOT, SO SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU. SHE HATES LAIRER.

JUST TRY TO CHANGE



SHE IS HARD WORKING

Mayflowa:


Kobojunkie, these are not about compromise or collaboration. The wife abhors those two words that would make a marriage work. She doesn't spend for the house and does not care for the household chores. What do you want him to salvage? Another thing that would make a man do home chores is appreciation. There are many way a wife can lure her husband into doing everything for her. It comes from appreciation, romance, praises and bedworks, not by challenge and rights. You must remember men grow up differently from women. There are things a husband would not watch a woman do at home. So also women should feel about men doing something. As good and understanding husband, we should endeavor to help but we shouldn't be mandated to do them, especially if we make provision for the household.

Take this kisses
Tell me if you need more I have them in quantum.

neonly:



I think u right
Because dis someone dat never apologies if we have issues Na me go beg am make peace reign
Like I said I have calling out love my eyes don open but my children are my major worries

How old is your wife? Don't be offended, but I have a clue as to what might be the problem.

Dude I understand your pain but hey that's what love is really is - love is pain. Forget what a few a telling that it's about your ego,there's no harm there it's natural to feel dat way same y a woman feel wen u av had dem or c there unclothedness dats y they r woman n y we r human.
Bro u need to take charge not aggressive dude but in 15yrs u shud understand how to run a home unless if u failed in u duty now u r reaping d fruit of u fail ability.
If u can com bak from work n do d chores what stops d lady from doing same which is r primary role at home.evrn if she's d breadwinner the best player in team mustn't b d captain. It's wisdom dat u r d head but nrva abuse d position.
I no how difficult for men with their children mos don't no how much we really attached to dem n hurts inside but cos u love them am sori u will beats dis n hope n pray she c tins differently. Truth is marriage is tuff n probably overrated but u av to not a must but its a gift no human shud pass by

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

neonly:




D Gods must have reveal dis to u
I swear any time am out of Lagos
I come back looking heather fresher happier
But before u know again depression come it and I being to loose weight
Dat not even d issue I can sacrifice anything to my family happiness but dis days is getting worst as if she know my weak point

NOT ONLY FOR YOUR FAMILY HAPPINESS,

WHAT ABOUT SIDE CHICK HAPPINESS.

IF YOUR WIFE DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY, REST I BEG.
SINCE SHE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE YOU SPEND ON, GO TO THE OTHER OZA PERSON NA

theamazonguru:


Nice article.
Beautiful theory.
Let me ask, are you married?

If you answer yes.
Then honestly I applaud you, because that simply means you are speaking from experience and mostly what you do too.
But if you are not, bros forget it all these you wrote is beautiful only on paper.

Yes I agree, you and your wife are solely responsible for the success of your marriage. But if woman ever show you their true color sorry is your case.

Even if you are rich so to say and you settle all the bills to the last Kobo,but for one reason or the other you can't afford something as little as N500, woman can make you look like you are highly irresponsible and not fit to be a husband. Only GRACE will help you not to be depressed.
This is coming from a man with about 12 years marriage experience. Yet we still never understand what exactly those breeds called "women" want.


Op come here let's talk.
For me come rain come shine
I have decided never to be moved. No retreat,no surrender.
I always tell her, we both signed up for better for worse so no one is going nowhere.
Hahahahahahahaha.
I make it work.

So what am I saying, do what you can do to make that marriage work.
Do what makes you happy in the marriage.

I dey the same compound with one couple , I admire the wife so much, so respectful and all. But the day I hear say she dey show her husband pepper any time they have a misunderstanding, na to enter the kitchen carry knife flash am for husband. The oga go just run enter him room lock door,na till the next day oga go show face.
Is yours this bad?

Another couple in the same compound, I hear say oga's wife no sabi cook soup , so na only indomie she dey serve oga chidi.
So to avoid wahala and too much shout every day, oga Chidi go branch bar and some nice kitchen , settle himself before he enter house.
If madam serve am the normal indomie he go just use style eat small unto say he is not too hungry.

So is your wife an indomie wife too?

See, every marriage has its own perculiar challenges.
You will never know what's happening in the other family until it degenerates so much to the point where both party will begin to shalaye for the whole to hear and know how bad the other partner is.

Boss,my advice is this:
Hold your ground .
Be the man.
Take it to God in prayers.
Be determined the marriage will work, hence you have the responsibility to make it work.
And lastly, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY as an individual. But don't sin against God in the process.
Even if it means staying back late at work, coming in late.
Taking vacations and all that to make yourself happy.
Whatever you can do, please do.

Like you rightly asked, what will be the fate of those kids?
Don't expose them to lion and leopard of this world.
Sacrifice for their sake.

The only ground I would suggest you divorce is the same ground for which the bible permits it - infidelity.
I will also add this, DIVORCE her if and only if your life is threatened.
Anything outside this, baba na for better for worse oh.

Peace.

God bless you for this wonderful piece.

LET ME TELL ALL OF YOU.

ONCE A WOMAN, KNOWS YOU AS A LIAR, AND THAT HIDE A LOT OF THINGS FROM HER SHE CAN NOT TRUST YOU, SOMETIMES IT MAY TAKE HER YEARS TO BUILD AN INVISIBLE WALL, MOST OF US WILL BEGIN TO GROW APART, AND IT KEEPS GOING ON AND ON.

THATS WHY SOME WOMENS WHEN THEIR HUSBAND DIES, THEIR BEAUTY WILL BEGIN TO RADIATE, THEY GET FATTER AND HAVE PEACE OF MIND,

Kestolove:
Divorce and marry another, responsible girls full area no husband

Hey!
You transcribed your siggy.

Like you got tired of frightening us.

ufotty2001:
I have a girlfriend all what she think of is how she will collect money from me and career.. !!! She has never ask me how is business? How is life?? How are you managing... All are calls are complain that she need this or that..

You are very much likely a mugu to her or, at best, she's immature! At any rate, I advice you leave that relationship. Much as a man ought to provide, relationships shouldn't be reduced to material things

Why not get a maid? She probably had been doing all those chores you're wary of before she decided to do something for herself too. She isnt your maid or the children's maid....get a maid to take off those chores and see yourself and wifey being friends again.


I am almost sure that you only started the chores recently while madam had been doing them without opening threads for the better part of your 15yrs marriage.

Have you gone for counseling OP?

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

She probably feels she's invested too much of her time in keeping with the domestic demands of the marriage hence, her leaving virtually everything and probably not caring whether you will take it up or not. You will need prayers and talking with her to get her to change because, that state she's in now is dangerous!

Even if you divorce her, there's no sign she will care about the children, meaning you are still likely to be the one to raise those children alone. You seriously need God to intervene as it seems all the odds are stacked against you.

poiZon:

If she is hoardng the money without letting the husband know, then she has hidden agenda.
Na men de dey secretive for marriage not wife.
When a wife becomes so secretive in her finances then there is serious issues.
There r some men that wont want to ask u about ur money cos of their pride, but its the duty of the wife to let her husband know what u earn, it shows maturity and submissiveness.
Anything short of that is error.
That marriage won't work, what they r doing is managing it.
What if the man stop earning money today, what will happen to the family?
If u have 20naira and can't share even when u r being taken care of, is it when there is crisis that u will start sharing...

I honestly don't know as information on what is really going on keep trickling in from the OP and I too have been trying to play catch up as well.

neonly:




U won't understand am really hurt and depressed
Dat her own thinking too dat Abi they will settle d matter for us
But for how can we continue like dis mind u age is not on our side
Am always emontioal disturb when we have issues cause me I like us playing together yur family suppose yur confider especially yur wife but if you can get it from her again what d use of staying in d relationship
U sef reason am babes

Omo. Consider divorce abeg. No allow marriage make you commit suicide. I have said my own

Aurelius1:
How old is your wife? Don't be offended, but I have a clue as to what might be the problem.

40"s

neonly:




Not abt sex or calming nerves it abt our behavior in front of d kids it very unhealthy

Omo. Na wahala for your kids o. Divorce is the answer

Mayflowa:

Kobojunkie, these are not about compromise or collaboration. The wife abhors those two words that would make a marriage work. She doesn't spend for the house and does not care for the household chores. What do you want him to salvage? Another thing that would make a man do home chores is appreciation. There are many way a wife can lure her husband into doing everything for her. It comes from appreciation, romance, praises and bedworks, not by challenge and rights. You must remember men grow up differently from women. There are things a husband would not watch a woman do at home. So also women should feel about men doing something. As good and understanding husband, we should endeavor to help but we shouldn't be mandated to do them, especially if we make provision for the household.

Doing housework or taking care of one's kids should never be about egos. And a wife shouldn't need to "lure" a husband into doing that which is to the benefit of his family or household. Common sense ought to always kick on in these things.

That OP's is obviously slacking as far as her marriage is concerned, should not change that at all.

Hmmm

pappilo:


Your children will be perfectly fine. I held on too long to something that was finished for the sake of my children but it eventually fell apart at great financial, emotional and liberty cost.

The children now..... Couldnt be happier. No more toxic home and my daughter loves that she can different sets of presents from both parents on special occasions.

Easier said than done though but the sooner you make a move the better it will be for you.

I tell people this often. Divorce and separation is much better for kids than a toxic home. But naija, with our mumu mentality, will tell you otherwise

Amanda4life:



PRIVATE SCHOOL IS TOUGH.

YOU YOUR SELF , YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY OKAY THATS WHY SHE CANNOT LEAN ON YOU FINANCIALLY.

OR YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER IN TERMS OF YOUR INCOME, AND YOU ARE NOT SUPPORTING MUCH FINANCIALLY, THATS WHY SHE DONT TRUST YOUR FINANCE, YOU HID YOUR EARNING S, SHE BUILDING FINANCIAL SECURITY AROUND HER SELF.
BECAUSE , YOU ONLY SPEND ON THE CHILDREN, YOU DONT INCLUDE HER IN YOUR PLAN, SHE IS JUST TRYING TO BUILD HER OWN WALL.
YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER, YOU DONT TELL HER TRUTH, SHE HAS DETECTED A LOT OF LIES FROM YOU. YOU HAVE HIDDEN A LOT OF THINGS FROM HER AND SHE HAS FOUND OUT.

YOU TELL HER LIES A LOT, SO SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU. SHE HATES LAIRER.

JUST TRY TO CHANGE



SHE IS HARD WORKING

I believe most of what u said but if you read d post it been going on for years at a point it becomes a bitter natural things for us to keep things always from each other which I don't like
But like u said she has build dis wall around herself and it affecting our relationship I have tried to talk and do all things I know but it seems it beyond me
Just tired dat d truth you can't force a camel to drink water it a choice
We once saw a phycatric and they told her dat she d only person dat can make us happy cause they knew I open up but she didn't so I really tired
to see a phycatric no bi small money to talk us but?

sabreal:

Some women are just not controllable.

Such women allow you to fool yourself. What they want to do is in the mind, irrespective of who intervene cir what the husband does to ease the situation.

He tolerated it.
When she is starting to bring issues, that was when he was supposed to have been taking actions.

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

She cannot all of a sudden decide to pursue her own ambitions without carrying the family along. There is a lot you are not sharing with us and you want us to advice you. If all was well for over a decade then tell us what went wrong. Tells us if you supported her ambitions. Tell us if you discussed ambitions before marriage and tell us what agreement you two arrived at...if you wife has abandoned her duty to you it may be in response to you abandoning her. Humans tend to be vengeful when wronged deeply. If both you do not see eye to eye without a confrontation blowing up in your faces, then call for a family meeting with her parents, your parents and her. Let everything that has transpired be laid bare and you do your part.

SimplyFacts:


Stop replying Kobojunkie, she's a Die-hard NL feminist. She has no value to add to your home. Her words would make you feel that's how all women behave,,,, which isn't the fact. You need the help of a counsellor & not a feminist.

Wow. She's a she No wonder. Omo. Werey come dey disguise like who really wan solve problem, when in actuality, na style to give this man wife more power to do nonsense. It's clear now

Amanda4life:



NOT ONLY FOR YOUR FAMILY HAPPINESS,

WHAT ABOUT SIDE CHICK HAPPINESS.

IF YOUR WIFE DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY, REST I BEG.
SINCE SHE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE YOU SPEND ON, GO TO THE OTHER OZA PERSON NA

But for how long
Guy let tell you as you grow older u begin to out grow something's and focus on yur old age so it painful for the person you call yur wife not to be on board
Side chicks will come and go I stay at akoka them full der but is not a life I want permanently for myself

grandlexuz:

I have read a few of your posts on nairaland and do enjoy how insightful you are on a bunch of things. However I totally disagree at bolded. That society in general expects the man to toast the woman, propose, pay the bride price in our African context means the union the forging has roles.

I don't know about Nigeria but in Cameroon roles are spelt out at the civil registry. If a lady created a topic on nairaland with claims of paying the rents and feeding her home for two years while the husband occupies with work and church, bringing nothing home from his job you definitely will tag him as failing in his role.

I was married for over a decade and 60% of the time I ran market duties and laundry for the home. I did out of love to lessen the strain and burden at the time. I am certain at your home if you had friends coming over your wife will do the cooking. That's a role. I am sure monthly food planning at home is done by your wife too. That's a role.

As per the OP I see everything wrong when he returns from work to market, cook and do laundry while his wife leaves from work to church with earnings that do nothing to folster the wellfare of her home. I accept with you on the need for professional counselling and dialogue to save his marriage but that too is because the wife is lacking in her role to build her home.

Society's roles mean nothing in the grand scheme of things except to those who place value on it, right?

Roles spelt out in legal registry restricts the institution to the legal dimensions, does it not, meaning marriages freeedoms are hampered by it? That is not the kind of marriage I refer to here.

I have friends who do the cooking when I go over to their place. In fact, one of them does the cooking and cleaning on many occasions since his wife is usually busy with her friend/clients on such occasions. There is nothing wrong with such a marriage setting. In fact as I said, couples should freely define their relationship based on what works best for their case.

As for the Op, so long as it is his house, doing chores shouldn't be an ego thing but something that should be done by whomever is able to. I mean if she doesn't so it and he doesn't do it, who will? The kids? Anyone who os able to should do it.

As for communication with the wife, maybe the OP will create another thread to tell us how that goes.

efficiencie:


She cannot all of a sudden decide to pursue her own ambitions without carrying the family along. There is a lot you are not sharing with us and you want us to advice you. If all was well for over a decade then tell us what went wrong. Tells us if you supported her ambitions. Tell us if you discussed ambitions before marriage and tell us what agreement you two arrived at...if you wife has abandoned her duty to you it may be in response to you abandoning her. Humans tend to be vengeful when wronged deeply. If both you do not see eye to eye without a confrontation blowing up in your faces, then call for a family meeting with her parents, your parents and her. Let everything that has transpired be laid bare and you do your part.

What you said is deep but Na me know we d shoe hurts

efficiencie:

She cannot all of a sudden decide to pursue her own ambitions without carrying the family along. There is a lot you are not sharing with us and you want us to advice you. If all was well for over a decade then tell us what went wrong. Tells us if you supported her ambitions. Tell us if you discussed ambitions before marriage and tell us what agreement you two arrived at...if you wife has abandoned her duty to you it may be in response to you abandoning her. Humans tend to be vengeful when wronged deeply. If both you do not see eye to eye without a confrontation blowing up in your faces, then call for a family meeting with her parents, your parents and her. Let everything that has transpired be laid bare and you do your part.

I concur!

Neonly, I agree with this poster as there seems to be something you are not telling us... your wife's behavior comes off as one who has been hurt or is fighting something but you claim you don't know what and that seems a bit....