[quote author=neonly post=106214002]Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

Have you taken your time to report the matter to her family

BigBashiru:


after you got married, how were the first few years of the marriage? was she also going straight into her room after work in the first 3 years of the marriage?

Nope then were staying in mini flat things were not like dis just say started work and church she got out of control

neonly:



Nope then were staying in mini flat things were not like dis just say started work and church she got out of control

has it ever occurred to you that maybe she is actually stressed from work and goes straight to shower and rest?

or maybe she's fed up with the relationship/marriage?

ufotty2001:
I have a girlfriend all what she think of is how she will collect money from me and career.. !!! She has never ask me how is business? How is life?? How are you managing... All are calls are complain that she need this or that..

if my babe reads this, she will think I wrote it...

this is exactly what I am experiencing.

one day, I called her and told her "when was the last time you asked me 'have you eaten'?" she shock.

I still don't think she changed after we talked about it.

PeaceJoyLove:



I quite understand this was the home you came from. You father is/was the "alpha and the omega". Hahaha. Fortunately for him, the society suppressed your mother, and she was over used. No wahala. The same mentality, you have. Do not worry.

Unfortunately for you now, women have woken up. Oga, congrats. Please, do not change. I need you do exactly like your papa. Continue. And be the "Lord Luggard" of your house...and say...oh well, she can bring advice too. Lol. I have nothing to say to you.

One thing I am sure of. You will spend your old age alone. Take it. You will definitely be a lonely man. Dont worry. Continue. And let me tell you another issue...you will definitely have children with many women. You will be FFK. You see how that man is living a reckless life? A man who should concentrate on his first set of daughters and be their rock is busy holding fixing to a set of triplets diapers. Lol. That is exactly how your life will soon be. Dont worry.

Continue. Be the alpha and the omega of your home. And keep saying it that it is the way God made it. Na the woman who sees you and didnt notice it go suffer am. But mark my words, you will pay times 10.

Now , let us talk about the way God made it in the garden of Eden. God is not wicked. He gave them food in the garden. He did not give the woman a work. Just to comfort the man. It is not good for a man to be alone is what the Bible says. She is a companion first before being a helper. The woman no dey wash clothes in the garden. Abi she dey wash? The woman no dey hustle round hine things. In fact, Adam was taking care of the home, and the business. God did not give Eve a job to do. He gave it to Adam. And God did not say Eve should be a dummie to Adam. Cos if she was a dummie, she wouldn't talk to the serpent. She made decision also. So, oga, you can see that God's way was freedom. He didn't say the man is alpha and the omega. I dont know where you saw that in your Bible. But you guys twisted the Bible. And I dont blame you. You saw it in your papa, and you automatically think it is the right way. This is exactly your father. I think you need to visit a psychiatric to help you.

Goodluck!

This one correct for head ba?

Prettychild:

Lol! That means you have issues with your wife cheating. If you don’t have issues with your wife cheating, then she should be able to to cheat anywhere, be it in your home or her father’s house. Most guys can’t take 20% of what they dish to others smh

I have told you she can cheat.
No man ever stops a cheat.
No woman ever does that too.
However, if she wants to do that she can do that from her FATHER'S APARTMENT and not mine.
She will have to leave my house first, so as to have unrestricted & uninterrupted access to diccks & ccocks

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

.... Your marriage is 15 years... No be joke bros.... My stupid advice is.... Invite her folks or family members to talk to her..... If she doesn't change after that, invite her pastor to talk to her.... If she doesn't change.... Invite your own folks to talk to her... If she doesn't change..... You talk to her yourself.... If she still doesn't change, then nothing else can be done....... Maybe it's time to quit if you Wanna live long for your kids.... A broken home is much better than being in the grave with a broken spirit..... I no support divorce any day but if all avenue to make her see reasons is not coming out good...then maybe it's time to say good bye....... Like I said... It's a stupid advice... You're not under any obligation to heed to it

MALIGNANTGuest:

I have told you she can cheat.
No man ever stops a cheat.
No woman ever does that too.
However, if she wants to do that she can do that from her FATHER'S APARTMENT and not mine.
She will have to leave my house first, so as to have unrestricted & uninterrupted access to diccks & ccocks

Lol! Saying the same thing over and over again. You can’t stand your wife cheating on you period and not all these play on words you are doing

Read and try practical lessons in
https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/

Kobojunkie:
Forget the gloss, those who you think are lucky have had to let go of many things to make even their relationships work the way it appears.

Sacrifice whatever you have to, in order to make your marriage work, that seems to be the general rule. I have seen men sacrifice even their ego so they can have a good marriage. A friend of mine does the cooking and cleaning in the house, even parks a lunch box every morning for his kids and wife because he says he is better at it than she is. His family is "tight" for it too.

Marriage is work and there are no roles in marriage at all - forget the meaningless lies folks spew about these things. Anyone who can do it should. Simple!

I have read a few of your posts on nairaland and do enjoy how insightful you are on a bunch of things. However I totally disagree at bolded. That society in general expects the man to toast the woman, propose, pay the bride price in our African context means the union the forging has roles.

I don't know about Nigeria but in Cameroon roles are spelt out at the civil registry. If a lady created a topic on nairaland with claims of paying the rents and feeding her home for two years while the husband occupies with work and church, bringing nothing home from his job you definitely will tag him as failing in his role.

I was married for over a decade and 60% of the time I ran market duties and laundry for the home. I did out of love to lessen the strain and burden at the time. I am certain at your home if you had friends coming over your wife will do the cooking. That's a role. I am sure monthly food planning at home is done by your wife too. That's a role.

As per the OP I see everything wrong when he returns from work to market, cook and do laundry while his wife leaves from work to church with earnings that do nothing to folster the wellfare of her home. I accept with you on the need for professional counselling and dialogue to save his marriage but that too is because the wife is lacking in her role to build her home.

BigBashiru:


has it ever occurred to you that maybe she is actually stressed from work and goes straight to shower and rest?

or maybe she's fed up with the relationship/marriage?

My own room and hers share d same bathroom
If she had a stressful day nothing wrong in telling yur partner dat yur day was stressful
Me I just think she just playing) with my emotion knowing fully well dat no matter what happen my brothers will always talk to me to settled issues
This our we been living for d past ten years yes ten years
Just keep enduring and hoping dat she will change but now I just reach my breaking point honestly

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

Get a maid or a live in relative to help with chores. I see nothing wrong in a woman wanting more from her career, she didn't come to this life to only marry and have kids.

Kestolove:
Divorce and marry another, responsible girls full area no husband

Very true!!

abbaashiru:
i swear me I just want to marry just to fulfill all righteousness...

Don’t give into false nostalgia, you are better off not getting married.

Oprah Winfrey has ‘helped’ a lot of deal with their marriages but guess what, she never married, never had children. By most standards, she’s fulfilled, she’s an icon, a model to the world. If you are not convinced about getting married, don’t do it.

generalwo:
.... Your marriage is 15 years... No be joke bros.... My stupid advice is.... Invite her folks or family members to talk to her..... If she doesn't change after that, invite her pastor to talk to her.... If she doesn't change.... Invite your own folks to talk to her... If she doesn't change..... You talk to her yourself.... If she still doesn't change, then nothing else can be done....... Maybe it's time to quit if you Wanna live long for your kids.... A broken home is much better than being in the grave with a broken spirit..... I no support divorce any day but if all avenue to make her see reasons is not coming out good...then maybe it's time to say good bye....... Like I said... It's a stupid advice... You're not under any obligation to heed to it

Thks no advice is stupid we are all learning still will die
bros but if u can read all d post yur see that all d avenue u mention I used them all without solutions

ufotty2001:
I have a girlfriend all what she think of is how she will collect money from me and career.. !!! She has never ask me how is business? How is life?? How are you managing... All are calls are complain that she need this or that..

what are you still waiting for

SweetyZinta:


Very true!!

Not that easy bro's not when children and der emotions are involved

neonly:



This is someone dat work and her pay is for her alone honestly I don't even know much she earn as salary
If u are lucky to marry a good person just thank Jehovah
Too much pressure to guild her and let her see reason will be consider sexual violent so am very careful it has easy has u think bro's am just heart broken right now if I can have my way Na to just relocate go another country

Pls do.... For your children also

ahnie:

Ok

Duly noted.

Thanks.

Kobojunkie:

So, you want to ruin your 15-year old marriage for the sake of your ego?
■ You go to market
■ Cook
■ clean the house
■ wash the children uniform
....
So you do these things in your own home and you expect what, a medal? The person that used to do them before, I am guessing your wife, she no be human being like you?

So your wife is interested in her career, and you are what? Against your "friend" doing well in her career or what? And let me guess, communication has degraded between you two and probably between your egos are butting heads at this point and rather than working on that, you are instead thinking of ways to end your relationship?

Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.
Die to your ego if you must and learn to grow rather than destroy your marriage over petty things such as what you listed here.

Sorry to say this but you're damn stupid.

neonly:




My own room and hers share d same bathroom
If she had a stressful day nothing wrong in telling yur partner dat yur day was stressful
Me I just think she just playing) with my emotion knowing fully well dat no matter what happen my brothers will always talk to me to settled issues
This our we been living for d past ten years yes ten years
Just keep enduring and hoping dat she will change but now I just reach my breaking point honestly

then maybe she doesnt really want you and has met a new guy unknown to you?

Do your best. Let what you can't do prevent you from doing what you can. Life is full of ups and downs. Also, be fervent to God as He's the mighty man in battle

What is your assurance that if you divorce her that things is going to be alright?

In order to avoid things like, don't marry. Marriage no be for people that know how to claim right.

MALIGNANTGuest:

MOST WOMEN become complacent and laxed the moment they secure marriage.
They forget the nitty-gritty of marriage.

The only way to keep them on their toes & in check is to make them compete favourably among themselves, this you can do by getting another wife rather than divorcing her outrightly.
WOMEN hate competition.
They dislike competing among their peers.
OUR Forefathers knew this and kept them in check by marrying many.

I made sure I passed the message to my WIFE before wedlock, that any day she decides to run a parallel government in our house, I will have no choice but to make her compete among her peers

Guy God bless u, see eehn, if u grow old and die ur room for heaven go be like a banquet Hall.

Ur father must be a brainy giant.

neonly:



Thks no advice is stupid we are all learning still will die
bros but if u can read all d post yur see that all d avenue u mention I used them all without solutions

.... Then sadly speaking senior bros, maybe it's time to let go for the sake of your kids.... It's better for kids to grow up in a broken home than for them to grow up seeing their parents constantly unhappy..... Since all avenues to make her see reasons have failed then maybe it's time to let go..... My baby's mum was just like that... We were not married though but since I had a good job and she got pregnant, I felt we could have the baby and get married later (which would have been the greatest mistake ever)...... Initially all was fine and rosy but some red flags came up wen she got pregnant..... She stopped doing stuff at home... Became seriously materialistic..... Drove me to multiple debts and depression... Denies me sex and most of all.... Disrespects me and my parents..... For Both of us to live long, we had to go our separate ways.... Now we have a good relationship... I take care oof my daughter and me and the mother are just like normal friends...... Both of you deserve peace and happiness..... No let any woman drive you to depression.......... I wish you all the best sir... For the sake of your kids....

[I started reading your write-up but I didn't go far before concluding you are not normal.quote author=Kobojunkie post=106218202]
So, you want to ruin your 15-year old marriage for the sake of your ego?
■ You go to market
■ Cook
■ clean the house
■ wash the children uniform
....
So you do these things in your own home and you expect what, a medal? The person that used to do them before, I am guessing your wife, she no be human being like you?

So your wife is interested in her career, and you are what? Against your "friend" doing well in her career or what? And let me guess, communication has degraded between you two and probably between your egos are butting heads at this point and rather than working on that, you are instead thinking of ways to end your relationship?

Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.
Die to your ego if you must and learn to grow rather than destroy your marriage over petty things such as what you listed here. [/quote]

Kestolove:
Divorce and marry another, responsible girls full area no husband

You want OP to jump from Frypan to fire

ufotty2001:
I have a girlfriend all what she think of is how she will collect money from me and career.. !!! She has never ask me how is business? How is life?? How are you managing... All are calls are complain that she need this or that..

Quitt that shit

Prettychild:

Lol! Your wife is calm, if you jam babe wey tear, na the two of you go dey cheat at the same time, nothing go happen

She go end up for her papa house, and nothing she fit do

Homeboiy:
The worst of it all be say the children go first buy their mama motor if they grow

Your own go be schnapps

No go kill your self o

DO YOU THINK CHILDREN CHILDREN DONT KNOW WHO TAKES CARE OF THEM?

HOW YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM IS HOW THEY WILL SEE YOU TOO, OR PAY BACK

neonly:



I think u right
Because dis someone dat never apologies if we have issues Na me go beg am make peace reign
Like I said I have calling out love my eyes don open but my children are my major worries

I was waiting for this.

I suspected she was the type who NEVER apologises.

She thinks you need the marriage more than her. Bro. We are different people so you would endure this while I won’t.

Once I notice you don’t apologise, I will walk away. Cos soon she would just make life difficult for me and leave me to carry the entire relationship on my shoulders alone. Everything would be my fault. And when I point out her own fault, she would take offence and try to spin it on me as well.

That is dirty behaviour. The moment I see the signs, I move.

Don’t kill yourself trying to love a woman who makes love look like backbreaking unrewarding hard work.

As for your kids. They will be fine. They can see the toxicity and it is dangerous to raise kids in toxic homes.