You need to stop cleaning up after her/cleaning up for her. When next she washes and leaves the clothes for you to dry, close your eyes to it and leave it there. Let the sink pile up to the brim with plates. Wash only what you intend to use.

It's just that you don't eat outside. I would have suggested that you eat before you get home, so that you don't have to do the cooking.

You have made her relax from doing those things because you keep doing them. You have to put your foot down. And when next she threatens divorce, tell her to go. Let her go and open her mouth to tell her family the reason for the divorce.

Just know that you caused all these things happening because you condoned it.

CryptoClub2018:
Without reading what you wrote, I'm sure you are wrong

You really need to read through...

SUPERPACK:
Tell her to go ahead with the divorce, she belongs to the street and to the street you must return her. WTF.

I swearrrr

umehaam:
I will be concise and as straight to the point as possible and will appreciate people’s advice or suggestions especially married folks.
I got married first week of August this year. This is just three months of marriage.
We didn’t have long courtship because she’s based in a different location and hardly visits.
Now we are married, I’ve started seeing things I don’t really like and is giving me concern. I’ve called her to have a close heart to heart talk but each time I do that it normally ends in quarrels.

These are the issues, I’m a neat person and even before marriage I do my chores myself. I hardly eat outside because I cook all type of food and store in deep freezer and I’m the type that likes things to be neat and environment tidy.
But my wife is the opposite. My wife hardly wash dishes. If she does it she will be feeling like she has done one big job or so. For the past three months we got married I have been the one washing dishes most of the time. Plates will fill the sink she will ignore it until I wash and clean everywhere. Hardly will you see her sweep the room or even mob. I do cleaning of the room and the last time it was mob I was the one.
I made sure I got her stuffs she needs to be comfortable. I got her a washing machine but I will still be the one to load clothes in the washer and even when she does that, she will keep them for me to go downstairs and hang after washing and still bring them back when completely dried.
I do those things without complaining but recently it has turned to be my duty that even when I’m not around and she wash, she will keep them for me to come home and hang them downstairs.
For three weeks our room has not been swept. Just this night I felt really bad seeing many plates in the kitchen sink and she just ignored all.

Not as if she’s working. We are planning on securing a shop for her because she is a business person and still does business online currently and most of her reason according to her why she doesn’t do most chores is because she said she’s always talking to customers on chat. I’ve asked her what of people that manages several business so they don’t have time for their family? I’m just being skeptical starting up a business for her because since she’s doing this way when she has not started a full blown business, how will she do when she’s now managing big business.

I do cook well and most often she relegate cooking to me. Is either she cook one and beg me to cook the other. I’ve been so down and that’s not what I bargained for.

I complained bitterly about her action this night and she’s threatening me with divorce. We are just married for three months and the way it is going now I don’t think I can’t bear this going forward.
She got angry this evening because I told her that the way she keeps house untidy that just very soon my coming back here will be to just come home and sleep and leave the next morning because I’m tired. She got angry and started moving her things from our room to the visitors room with a threat of divorce. I don’t know what to do.

You've pampered her for too long so she now believe you can't live without her, you can assist her whenever you're chanced but the house chores shouldn't be your responsibility, not after a hard days job. make her know you can't continue with the marriage if she's not willing to change, she never Bond, she nor day work dirty plates and clothes full everywhere, wetin go happen when kids come? Guy man up.

umehaam:


Maybe you should read and point out where I got it wrong.

You are wrong because your married someone you did not know. How could you in the first place jump into marriage with someone you barely spent time with? To know the kind of person she is if you guys are compatible. You didn't do your due diligence before you jump into marriage and now divorce is staring at you in less than six months. If you are still single till now, wouldn't you be at peace with yourself? Since you married her, we all want to believe that you know her very well and you are willing to accept her for who she is including her flawns and endure her weak point or try to work on it to make her a better person (You should have seen in her that she is someone that is willing to be a better version of her self too). This we want to believe you have done before deciding to say "YES" this is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. But you now telling us that you don't really know her that much because of distance but you decided to marry her (I want to believe because of either Beauty, great sex she gives you or yansh and breast). Baba, you are WRONG.
However, I want to believe you are young. As a Christian, you can't divorce your wife except for infidelity and since that isn't the case, just pray she is the one to divorce you jejely to avoid you going against the word of God and it's consequences and save your head. That kind of lady cannot change o Bros and you cannot change her. Infact, it will get worst as you go deeper into the marriage. And to make matters worst, when baby enters, you are finished completely.
So just PRAY hard that she divorce you. Then you can restart you life (it's not too late). Pray to God you find a better woman that will give you reasonable enough a peace of mind.

Lamanii22:


You really need to read through...

Check my comment up there. He is wrong

CryptoClub2018:


You are wrong because your married someone you did not know. How could you in the first place jump into marriage with someone you barely spent time with? To know the kind of person she is if you guys are compatible. You didn't do your due diligence before you jump into marriage and now divorce is staring at you in less than six months. If you are still single till now, wouldn't you be at peace with yourself? Since you married her, we all want to believe that you know her very well and you are willing to accept her for who she is including her flawns and endure her weak point or try to work on it to make her a better person (You should have seen in her that she is someone that is willing to be a better version of her self too). This we want to believe you have done before deciding to say "YES" this is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. But you now telling us that you don't really know her that much because of distance but you decided to marry her (I want to believe because of either Beauty, great sex she gives you or yansh and breast). Baba, you are WRONG.
However, I want to believe you are young. As a Christian, you can't divorce your wife except for infidelity and since that isn't the case, just pray she is the one to divorce you jejely to avoid you going against the word of God and it's consequences and save your head. That kind of lady cannot change o Bros and you cannot change her. Infact, it will get worst as you go deeper into the marriage. And to make matters worst, when baby enters, you are finished completely.
So just PRAY hard that she divorce you. Then you can restart you life (it's not too late). Pray to God you find a better woman that will give you reasonable enough a peace of mind.

You are wrong and even more so for trying to drag God down into what you cobbled up here.

Kobojunkie:
You are wrong and even more so by trying to drag God down into what you cobbled up here.

How did I drag God down into that i wrote o Mr Oga

CryptoClub2018:
How did I drag God down into that i wrote o Mr Oga

CryptoClub2018:

However, I want to believe you are young. As a Christian, you can't divorce your wife except for infidelity and since that isn't the case, just pray she is the one to divorce you jejely to avoid you going against the word of God and it's consequences and save your head. That kind of lady cannot change o Bros and you cannot change her. Infact, it will get worst as you go deeper into the marriage. And to make matters worst, when baby enters, you are finished completely.
So just PRAY hard that she divorce you. Then you can restart you life (it's not too late). Pray to God you find a better woman that will give you reasonable enough a peace of mind.

Kobojunkie:

SMH

I was about suggesting that you rent a house which can give both of you different rooms, then saw where you said she has moved to the visitors room, better. Now you can keep your room clean, because I don't understand how two adults can stay in a room for 3weeks and the place is not swept or cleaned. This is the case of a lazy woman, but thank God we didn't hear you mention that she is also poor with body hygiene, so there is hope.

Your wife wasn't well prepared for the marital journey, so you must be patient, continue to talk to her. I would have said you should report her to her mum, but it's too early to start reporting issues in a marriage of few months, you both sort things out as adults. A wise woman would have been getting things done being that she has a supportive man, but since she has refused, it is better to share the chores or duties. If she fails to do hers, then instruct her to pay for a maid from her pocket. She will either pay or will start doing chores.

Op please you need to teach and correct her with love. Moreso, you need patience and tolerance. Remember you love this lady for you to have chosen to journey with her

Sincerely speaking she probably don't know how to do house chores or not used to it. Yes, I've seen couples whose wife don't know how to do all these and they are still married till date

You can get a maid to do the chore and put her (your wife) through on how best and easier she can be doing it

Please do not let all these tear your love apart

Please do not table your wife matter with your family or friends. They're most likely to cause rift between you guys as they'd be too emotional about this, putting themselves in your shoe and claiming they can't take half of all these. Claiming saint here and there

It's a pure lie. Some of them are going through worst that they can't disclose to you or anyone

Once you have this at the back of your mind that divorce isn't an option in your marriage, then trust me all these would work with time

Patience, patience and patience

Kneel down and beg her to divorce you. Please beg her very well. Ruɓbish lots of women are Pratt for your kind.

Spherical77:
Op please you need to teach and correct her with love. Moreso, you need patience and tolerance. Remember you love this lady for you to have chosen to journey with her

Sincerely speaking she probably don't know how to do house chores or not used to it. Yes, I've seen couples whose wife don't know how to do all these and they are still married till date

You can get a maid to do the chore and put her (your wife) through on how best and easier she can be doing it

Please do not let all these tear your love apart

Please do not table your wife matter with your family or friends. They're most likely to cause rift between you guys as they'd be too emotional about this, putting themselves in your shoe and claiming they can't take half of all these. Claiming saint here and there

It's a pure lie. Some of them are going through worst that they can't disclose to you or anyone

Once you have this at the back of your mind that divorce isn't an option in your marriage, then trust me all these would work with time

Patience, patience and patience

You dont seem to understand what the OP has gotten himself into.
The wife has moved out of their room and is threatening divorce just because he corrected her, that woman does not seem like someone that you can reason with.

For a lady to threaten her husband with divorce shows such a lady does not even value the marriage, a marriage of just 3 months...
Op don enter one chance.

Pls tell her to get you the divorce letter quickly and see if she would not melt

Person you supposed woos slap, she been dey shit test you and you keep indulging.
Op you have to man up and give her your condition, if she can't adhere to it make her suffer by making some things unavailable for her. Just try reason am like say you dey treat one small spoilt child, I'm sure she go get sense by fire. That food wey you dey cook sef if na me na only my own I go cook hunger Neva catch her before.
Wtf the problem with y'all is that na social media babe you dey marry, if we look into am she fit be one yeye tiktok celeb

You have made the first mistake and it is leading to other mistakes.

When chiding a life partner, the upbringing of the person is very important. This woman would not change and I tell you boldly as a woman myself. If she assumed that you were doing all these out of care, she would be sober when you complain of her neglect and embaraased that if things escalate, her friends and family would be ashamed of the reasons casuing disagreements...

Don't be fooled into getting her a maid that you would pay for. I don't really believe much in gender roles but I believe in partnership. The one who pays most bills, should not be doing most of the housework inclusive.

The lady has some power over you that you must balance to live conveniently with her, otherwise let her go away. If she is so beautiful then let her go and find the one that needs beauty alone and decide if she would be happy with him.

Don't be deceived by her online business claims. How much is she actually making?
When she gets pregnant or has children, you would see the worst of an unreasonable woman.

Each partner should be ready to compromise in a relationship. Some men are overly neat and some women are overly neat as well but they must find ways to accommodate each other. It is too early for a decent and respectable woman to be threatening divorce. E don reach like that? Don't mind those telling you for better for worse. It is her they should tell that.

oldienavie:

You dont seem to understand what the OP has gotten himself into.
The wife has moved out of their room and is threatening divorce just because he corrected her, that woman does not seem like someone that you can reason with.

For a lady to threaten her husband with divorce shows such a lady does not even value the marriage, a marriage of just 3 months...
Op don enter one chance .

I dey tell you most of this ladies are only concerned about how to fufil their wedding day fantasies what happens after then is non of their concern.

Op, from your story it is obvious you didn't know the person you married. You married a stranger.

Marriage is not a sprint bro it's a marathon.

The only advice I can offer you is this;

If, both of you feel you can't compromise your positions and find a middle ground to live as a family then, the sooner you end the union on mutual agreement before children come into the picture, the better for both of you. If she dislikes such house responsibilities before giving birth, then I can only imagine the situation when she gets pregnant and eventually has a baby.

All the best.

When u ask him to put his foot down,
By the time the woman is cooking with unwashed pot,
It will lead to quarrel, and if care is not taken one small slap she will blow it out of proportion,
That is woman for you.

Dear OP bro, me i cannot advise you,

because women matter is something i do not understand

ImaIma1:
You need to stop cleaning up after her/cleaning up for her. When next she washes and leaves the clothes for you to dry, close your eyes to it and leave it there. Let the sink pile up to the brim with plates. Wash only what you intend to use.

It's just that you don't eat outside. I would have suggested that you eat before you get home, so that you don't have to do the cooking.

You have made her relax from doing those things because you keep doing them. You have to put your foot down. And when next she threatens divorce, tell her to go. Let her go and open her mouth to tell her family the reason for the divorce.

Just know that you caused all these things happening because you condoned it.

umehaam:
I didn’t beg her to marry me. I do dishes because I felt she will appreciate my support even in the kitchen but she has pushed that to me. If she has a lot of plate in the sink she will leave it for me

Honestly, what you are doing so far is not wrong! You are being the mature party in your marriage at this point and that is key is the relationship is to have hope of survival.

I do hope though that you understand that your wife is not a child to be scolded by you, nor is she your ward in need of training as some insist. She is a grown up, just like you, and you are best approaching her as such, no matter what.

I would go crazy and put every dish in the bin. Then I'd buy myself 1 of everything I need and I would lock it up so the pig can't use it. I would bin every cleaning product or tools since the pig doesn't use it anyway. Next I would sell the washing machine and take my clothes to a laundromat and pay someone to wash MY clothes only. I would cut off all financial assistance and wait for the pig to divorce itself and leave my house.

Op, you need to switch it for this lady because she has taken your kindness for weakness. No need for violence just take away your love and responsibility. Pay the rent and nothing else. If she doesn't find sense then that's her problem. She will leave and divorce herself. You were not put in this world to suffer!

I think you should be the one initiating the divorce. She’s emasculating you, bro. She leaves all those chores for you because she knows you’ll do them anyway. She’s playing chess while you’re playing checkers. Don’t know how much you love her but I personally don’t have the patience to tolerate that kind of rubbish behavior. Good luck to you

Double0h7:
I would go crazy and put every dish in the bin. Then I'd buy myself 1 of everything I need and I would lock it up so the pig can't use it. I would bin every cleaning product or tools since the pig doesn't use it anyway. Next I would sell the washing machine and take my clothes to a laundromat and pay someone to wash MY clothes only. I would cut off all financial assistance and wait for the pig to divorce itself and leave my house.

Op, you need to switch it for this lady because she has taken your kindness for weakness. No need for violence just take away your love and responsibility. Pay the rent and nothing else. If she doesn't find sense then that's her problem. She will leave and divorce herself. You were not put in this world to suffer!

Best advice.

izzou:
You better calm down and fix your marriage.

When you said for better for worse, this was what you swore to bear.

You now know the true picture of the woman you married. I wouldn't say you carried out due diligence or not, but you have to find a way to manage the situation.

What actually made you love her? Dwell more on that.

Instead of shouting and threatening, find a way to make her a neat person in love. Teach her how to be neat. Be patient through the process

The matter never reach to divorce

Did you not see where he said they where living far apart ... Or you just wan show yourself.. try read before you conclude ... [url][

Lush100:
When u ask him to put his foot down,
By the time the woman is cooking with unwashed pot,
It will lead to quarrel, and if care is not taken one small slap she will blow it out of proportion,
That is woman for you.

Dear OP bro, me i cannot advise you,

because women matter is something i do not understand

I doubt that a normal human being will cook with a dirty pot. If she does that, the op should know he is deep shiit.

He needs to be firm and let her get responsible. He's not helping her if he keeps doing it. He also needs to report her to her family.

He should report her to her mum, and quietly invite her mum to the house on one of those days when his wife has accumulated plates,etc. It will cause quarrel o,but she will get small sense.

Ma'am

U will be surprised until u hear it from a man's mouth(but men will hardly tell). Because women can do such just to prove a point.

It is all well and good.
Dear op, pls confirm if your wife is normal, though i don't know which
machine can test for that.
If she is, pls put your foot down(advise already given above by a woman )
But if she is not, pls just know u are in "deep shit" , anything that comes to ur mind if you have ever enter gutter/shit before, pls do oh,

Where i am now, two women (nurse and patient) are shouting in a hospital over
who to serve first,

Me that i am in serious pain, i just kept quiet hoping a "normal " person can attend to us
(The woman shouting was the first to come, i was the 4th, she nurse is attending to someone that came in third and claim she is right.
All the men here have kept quiet. (Everyone came with at least a child except me).

ImaIma1:


I doubt that a normal human being will cook with a dirty pot. If she does that, the op should know he is deep shiit.

He needs to be firm and let her get responsible. He's not helping her if he keeps doing it. He also needs to report her to her family.

He should report her to her mum, and quietly invite her mum to the house on one of those days when his wife has accumulated plates,etc. It will cause quarrel o,but she will get small sense.

Send her away.

You don't tell us about her family or she has no family??you can invite her mother to come and spend like a week or two so she will be force to do the house work when you are at home and if that is what she wants gv it to her and thank your star that no children between you now

I hope u are a man,
I am not sure u know the way family tie responsibility and a man with a wrapper that cannot be broken.
By the time the woman change it for you and still be crying tears when people gather, even you will doubt the story u said initially, (responsible married men understand what i am talking about).

Op, may God be with you

Double0h7:
I would go crazy and put every dish in the bin. Then I'd buy myself 1 of everything I need and I would lock it up so the pig can't use it. I would bin every cleaning product or tools since the pig doesn't use it anyway. Next I would sell the washing machine and take my clothes to a laundromat and pay someone to wash MY clothes only. I would cut off all financial assistance and wait for the pig to divorce itself and leave my house.

Op, you need to switch it for this lady because she has taken your kindness for weakness. No need for violence just take away your love and responsibility. Pay the rent and nothing else. If she doesn't find sense then that's her problem. She will leave and divorce herself. You were not put in this world to suffer!

Is like u are married,
The op is on half chance,
Op start drinking beer or plenty water and take alternative route with many stops on your way home.
Op, kobojunkie says you should manage eating from used pot and plate like that (implied).
U have mature oh.

oldienavie:

You dont seem to understand what the OP has gotten himself into.
The wife has moved out of their room and is threatening divorce just because he corrected her, that woman does not seem like someone that you can reason with.

For a lady to threaten her husband with divorce shows such a lady does not even value the marriage, a marriage of just 3 months...
Op don enter one chance.

She is threatening you with divorce coz she knows that would make you behave loool. You tell her you want a change within a week or else....... if nothing happens then draw up a fake divorce papers to call her bluff, her immediate reaction will determine weda your Marriage nah for society and or for you both but trust me if she wants divorce for real divorce her if because of correction she is talking divorce less than 100 days of marriage trust me nothing you go fit talk to her about i mean going outside the dirtiness sef she go dy threaten you anyhow you better swallow red pill