Hello fam
I need your in put on this topic.
There is a lady I want to get married to. But we keep having one particular problem.
We both work. But she is of the opinion that her money belongs to her and she might decide to help out or not.
I am of the opinion that as a couple we have to work things out together. I dont expect her to pay any bill for me but to help out as a help mate. She flatly refused that her money is her money and she might decide to help or not. And that I should not have it in mind that she might help me. That the role of the man as the head of the house is to take care of everything.
I dont know if my perception is wrong here. I need experienced married folks to advice me.

From all indications she is a very selfish/stingy lady and her love for u if it exists at all is strictly conditional. These are the type of women that if you run into issues with paying ur children's fees, they will rather allow the kids to be sent home from school rather than support their fees, and brainwash those kids to feel you are an irresponsible father who cares less about them. Women like her won't permit u to eat from ur home if at any point in time you are financially constrained to support feeding. Pls allow her to remain happily married to her money. You can even encourage her to print her face on all naira notes she owns. Look, there are still good women who are ready to be a support system to build a home together with a decent man. Don't convince her anymore else you are telling us indirectly that u want to invest in what will aid u commit sucide someday. You are extremely lucky she decided to open up on her true nature about her financial perception in marriage cos just like egungun, na express you dey go. Keep off that lady, infact maintain social distancing cos with her in your life, there is danger ahead.

Are you willing to help her out too?
You can't eat your cake and have it.

lovelybugs:
Are you willing to help her out too?
You can't eat your cake and have it.

Sure I am willing to. A man has to lead. But in this present economy, help from your wife shouldn't be such a bad idea.

Righteousness89:
Did u seek God's Face for His Choice of Pattern for you?

There are Certain discussions that won't crop up if you are in God's will for you..

This one , una never start e Come be like say na Battle and Competition!

Funny enough, she is the one that keeps bringing up this topic

We won't follow you into the marraige, you decide if u can live with a woman dat sees her money as hers.
My ask is that she must be ready.and willing to share responsibilities but if she feels all bills are on u, then it's a problem. Now if u love her so much and feel u will never need her salary to manage ur home, den plsngo ahead!

ThatIgboBoy:
Hello fam
I need your in put on this topic.
But she is of the opinion that her money belongs to her and she might decide to help out or not.
I am of the opinion that as a couple we have to work things out together.

You are not wrong, she is not wrong either.

Just two different models and incompatible people.

You are a modern husband- maybe a hypocritical one, considering you might scream emasculation if you are asked to help in the home front.

She is also a traditional wife- maybe a hypocritical one, considering she might also not fix the meals and do all the domestic chores.

My point, you guys are not right for yourselves. You are lucky she made it clear though, some ladies form most supportive to get the ring. She is a good girl.

I just dey laugh.

You are lucky to have gotten this valuable information.

Righteousness89:
Did u seek God's Face for His Choice of Partner for you?

There are Certain discussions that won't crop up if you are in God's will for you..
Naturally a Man and woman who has God as their Foundation will Naturally seek for ways to Help each other.

This one , una never start e Come be like say na Battle and Competition Una wan enter!

Lol...

My generation now say it is more of using "common sense".

Seeking God's face now looks old school to many.

HRHQueenPhil:
We won't follow you into the marraige, you decide if u can live with a woman dat sees her money as hers.
My ask is that she must be ready.and willing to share responsibilities but if she feels all bills are on u, then it's a problem. Now if u love her so much and feel u will never need her salary to manage ur home, den plsngo ahead!

We both earn above 100k tho she is slightly higher and work in different organisations. I believe pulling resources together will make us achieve more. Set goals together and achieve them. But to her No. She says I am the man and must be willing to bear all the financial burden. That her money is hers. That if she decides to help no wahala. And if she refuses I should not feel bad. That that is why i am a man. That men now marry working women and this tends to make the men lazy and not hustle hard.

They are certain issue that should no be a topic for those planing to unite. This is the right time for you to decide if u can cope with such or not, don't expect her to help you in future .

ThatIgboBoy:
Hello fam
I need your in put on this topic.
There is a lady I want to get married to. But we keep having one particular problem.
We both work. But she is of the opinion that her money belongs to her and she might decide to help out or not.
I am of the opinion that as a couple we have to work things out together. I dont expect her to pay any bill for me but to help out as a help mate. She flatly refused that her money is her money and she might decide to help or not. And that I should not have it in mind that she might help me. That the role of the man as the head of the house is to take care of everything.
I dont know if my perception is wrong here. I need experienced married folks to advice me.

You never find "help-meet".

ThatIgboBoy:

We both earn above 100k tho she is slightly higher and work in different organisations. I believe pulling resources together will make us achieve more. Set goals together and achieve them. But to her No. She says I am the man and must be willing to bear all the financial burden. That her money is hers. That if she decides to help no wahala. And if she refuses I should not feel bad. That that is why a man. That men now marry working women and this tends to make the men lazy and not hustle hard.

You die well.. lol... Just hustle hard o if you still wantu marry her. And nothing just do your job... If not, na hell on earth you go witness .


Anyway, I think I like your finance's sincerity. At least, she's real and not pretending, unlike some that will unleash their true colour when you've finally married them.

Oga, keep searching oh. That's all I can tell you.

If you anchor here, you go still come back here to ask us whether you make mistake oh.

Dem no dey bend fish wey don dry.

Make you no go use shame chop winch oh.

yomi007k:


I just dey laugh.

You are lucky to have gotten this valuable information.

Lol...as in, very lucky o...

Move on... ahead

Otherwise everyday u guys will b settling matter in your courtroomhome

lovelybugs:
Are you willing to help her out too?
You can't eat your cake and have it.

What nonsense did you just write here?

Did you even read what the OP wrote, abi you just jump in to bash am?

I don't know what is wrong with we women, you give a woman an inch and she takes a mile.

mtchew!

ThatIgboBoy:

Sure I am willing to. A man has to lead. But in this present economy, help from your wife shouldn't be such a bad idea.

You might just need to have a deep conversation with her.
Sometimes all these things women hear about men who waste their money outside makes then scared to invest financially in their homes.
She needs to see you guys as one not two then only will she be able to contribute.

One thing to avoid is having this my own, my own mentality in marriage. Even if you bought it with your money only it becomes ours.

When you see your partner as the same no sacrifice will be too big to make.

If you speak to her, she's not willing to change her mind and you know you can't cope please rethink the union

ThatIgboBoy:

We both earn above 100k tho she is slightly higher and work in different organisations. I believe pulling resources together will make us achieve more. Set goals together and achieve them. But to her No. She says I am the man and must be willing to bear all the financial burden. That her money is hers. That if she decides to help no wahala. And if she refuses I should not feel bad. That that is why i am a man. That men now marry working women and this tends to make the men lazy and not hustle hard.

pls leave her be. U and I know what she is looking for and besides she does not love u enof to settle down with u.. painful truth

MJluv:

What nonsense did you just write here?

Did you even read what the OP wrote, abi you just jump in to bash am?

I don't know what is wrong with we women, you give a woman an inch and she takes a mile.

mtchew!

You need to be calming down.

HRHQueenPhil:
pls leave her be. U and I know what she is looking for and besides she does not love u enof to settle down with u.. painful truth

Somebody that is wondering why I haven't come to see her parents yet. She openly told me she was expecting me to have come since sef. But these stuffs from her keeps making me delay going to see her people.

ThatIgboBoy:

Somebody that is wondering why I haven't come to see her parents yet. She openly told me she was expecting me to have come since sef. But these stuffs from her keeps making me delay going to see her people.

she has been truthful to u. Be truthful to her as well

Let me go and read now.

That woman doesn't have an altruistic interest in you, so discard her with immediate effect, even if you have the wherewithal to solely and comfortably cater for a family; unless you're the type of man who takes pleasure in using servility, trick, or brutality to sustain a relationship. Funnily, if you tell her "as the head of the house" to resign from her work, or forget the idea of taking up a job that will make her spend more time away from the house and will prevent her from taking good care of the home and offspring, she won't and will call you an oppressor.

Fairness can't be good enough to her, and she'll resist oppression, so you'll sustain the marriage with servility for peace to reign, that's bad, thereby subjecting yourself to emotional and mental unhealthiness. You'll unwittingly become a nag. She's your frenemy.

They are certainty problem that should no be a discussion for those planing to unite. This is the everything moment for you to decide if u can cope with etc or not, don't expect her to help you in prospects .

HRHQueenPhil:
she has been truthful to u. Be truthful to her as well

You deserve a bottle of Cold + Chill budweiser drink

Dear OP, for she to be honest with you, be honest with her. Let her know that you don't need a woman who can't assist you when you're down.

Oga, sit up

ThatIgboBoy:

Somebody that is wondering why I haven't come to see her parents yet. She openly told me she was expecting me to have come since sef. But these stuffs from her keeps making me delay going to see her people.

Tell her the reason you haven't seen her parents, and be done with the relationship.

You don't even know how lucky you are to know what she thinks about her finances before getting married to her. Majority don't ever admit what she told you, even though they might believe the same thing deep down.

You must appreciate her openness... but since her values do not align with yours, I truly don't know what you're still doing there.

ThatIgboBoy:
Hello fam
I need your in put on this topic.
There is a lady I want to get married to. But we keep having one particular problem.
We both work. But she is of the opinion that her money belongs to her and she might decide to help out or not.
I am of the opinion that as a couple we have to work things out together. I dont expect her to pay any bill for me but to help out as a help mate. She flatly refused that her money is her money and she might decide to help or not. And that I should not have it in mind that she might help me. That the role of the man as the head of the house is to take care of everything.
I dont know if my perception is wrong here. I need experienced married folks to advice me.

Well, morally and tactically, she is right. Her money belongs to her, and yours to you all. As a guy/man, his should be your reasoning. But it becomes a little worrisome if thats her orientation, regarding her incomes. Its always better to have a partner that reasons otherwise. What will be your fate if your source of income suffers setbacks?

Its always preferable, safer and sweeter to have a relationship where duties and responsibilities are not apportioned.

She is very wrong for saying her money is her own, courtship is a combined work, financially, emotionally, etc especially if both of them are planning to get married. But the man should be ready to take any responsibilities, he should not depend on the lady's income

ThatIgboBoy:
Hello fam
I need your in put on this topic.
There is a lady I want to get married to. But we keep having one particular problem.
We both work. But she is of the opinion that her money belongs to her and she might decide to help out or not.
I am of the opinion that as a couple we have to work things out together. I dont expect her to pay any bill for me but to help out as a help mate. She flatly refused that her money is her money and she might decide to help or not. And that I should not have it in mind that she might help me. That the role of the man as the head of the house is to take care of everything.
I dont know if my perception is wrong here. I need experienced married folks to advice me.

Ooohh my gosh, are we dating the same girl
My girlfriend also has similar notion as urs.