No commess.

If you ain't ripe or mature for marriage please don't think of it . Young ladies between the age of 18 -25 that rush into marriage are the ones that get divorce mostly

Hathor5:






I read your comment again. What does 'do nothing' mean?

The point I'm trying to make is that some women might think being a housewife means doing nothing.. however it's a lot of hard work like the OP has said.

The op's write up and most comments mainly align to the position of a woman. This also happens to men. Some men spend all their lives and energy thinking and providing for their families.

He leaves so early and returns very late. Children are in good schools, madam looks gorgeous. The home is comfortable but he hardly stays at home. The guy man hardly upgrade his dress except that detected by his work rules.

His life is pressure and stress. The spouse might still be nagging. Is this the reason why there are more widows than widowers?

pocohantas:


Lmao. How does that work?

Cheating o. People are enjoying the stability marriage brings and the excitement that being single brings.

Quite difficult to take care of a home alone with 5 kids and not lose yourself. It's a lot of work for one person. Imagine spending almost 2hrs of my life in one day doing homework for one child.

I wonder how the woman in the story was even able to keep a job with 5kids and no help.

obembet:
.
...I never received any form of appreciation; either in kind or in cash. And to worsen it all, he became so abusive; verbally, physically, emotionally and would complain and blame me in every misfortune of his life. Life was so terrible living with him. Yet, I did not complain until he pushed me out and finally left...

There is one question if unanswered will result in you learning absolutely nothing and the question is: What was your reason for getting into a marriage with a man who, by your admission, does not appreciate your efforts, abuses you and blame you for all of his misfortune?

efficiencie:
There is one question if unanswered will result in you learning absolutely nothing and the question is: What was your reason for getting into a marriage with a man who, by your admission, does not appreciate your efforts, abuses you and blame you for all of his misfortune?

If she, like so many others out there, tells you her reason is love, will you then suggest to her, this 5-kids later, that she was wrong?

holocron:
I put it to you that this is a tissue of lies and fabrication. OP sounds like an ingrate. You are serving/working for your family and instead of appreciating the results of your good works, you are grumbling, complaining and whining. Your husband struggles to do his part in upkeeping the family, you do not appreciate his role but you complain of your own role. You purposely abandoned your family and children for a fake independence and shallow ambitions and now you are regretting. You lost your cherished family for phantom degrees, career and independence. What shall it profit a man to gain the whole world and then lose his soul?

What's your problem naw, where you there to witness all she said that you are bashing her

It's cheaper and more of value to be a career woman than a house wife

Most house wife, works more than career women yet they are not appreciated

frozen70:
Most house wife, works more than career women yet they are not appreciated

There are career men and women who work from home handling pretty much similar workload as house wife use to, this in addition to their career work load out there.

I recently visited a lawyer who runs her business from her home. She is able to deal with 3 children under age 8 and still attend to her clients and children's daily activities at that.

So, unless the housewife homeschools all her kids, I don't see how anyone can clearly say that housewives work more than career women, particularly in the world of today.

.

kramer:


The point I'm trying to make is that some women might think being a housewife means doing nothing.. however it's a lot of hard work like the OP has said.

I get it now.

.

ImaIma1:
Quite difficult to take care of a home alone with 5 kids and not lose yourself. It's a lot of work for one person. Imagine spending almost 2hrs of my life in one day doing homework for one child.

I wonder how the woman in the story was even able to keep a job with 5kids and no help.

it's not easy

Klass99:


Why do we (women) even allow ourselves get into certain situations? What are you doing with 5 children, knowing you have very little to no support domestically? The wear and tear on your body nko, from carrying 5 pregnancies over time? Don't some women care about their physical health? About looking good and feeling good just for themselves?

My top performing classmate who graduated with a 2:1 in Accounting ended up in a similar situation. Five children later and she is divorced today, she never put that 2:1 degree to good use either, her story broke my heart.

There was a front page story where a male user said - the truth most of us don't know and men won't voice out is that, wives become unattractive to their husbands after child birth, because of the changes in their bodies. Hence the reason they look for younger women, with firmer bodies and tighter pussies, to sleep with.

The guy's post had 367 likes at the time I saw the thread/his post, I can bet you it wasn't women liking his post but his fellow men. Which means they all agreed with his view, I wasn't even put off or offended by his comment because it was a realistic, matter of fact submission. But, what I thought was - if men feel this way then why are women putting themselves through the stressful wear and tear of multiple child births? It's not like the more kids you have, the better or stronger the bond between you and hubby, sef.

These men will flee for a firmer body, forgetting it is because of their children your body has sagged in different places. Hubby hadn't even touched my classmate in 2 years at the time I was hearing her story. Me, I will just quench because touching, holding and cuddling is one of my love languages.

We need to do better for ourselves and by ourselves as women, when it comes to a lot of things.

well said

Klass99:


Why do we (women) even allow ourselves get into certain situations? What are you doing with 5 children, knowing you have very little to no support domestically? The wear and tear on your body nko, from carrying 5 pregnancies over time? Don't some women care about their physical health? About looking good and feeling good just for themselves?

My top performing classmate who graduated with a 2:1 in Accounting ended up in a similar situation. Five children later and she is divorced today, she never put that 2:1 degree to good use either, her story broke my heart.

There was a front page story where a male user said - the truth most of us don't know and men won't voice out is that, wives become unattractive to their husbands after child birth, because of the changes in their bodies. Hence the reason they look for younger women, with firmer bodies and tighter pussies, to sleep with.

The guy's post had 367 likes at the time I saw the thread/his post, I can bet you it wasn't women liking his post but his fellow men. Which means they all agreed with his view, I wasn't even put off or offended by his comment because it was a realistic, matter of fact submission. But, what I thought was - if men feel this way then why are women putting themselves through the stressful wear and tear of multiple child births? It's not like the more kids you have, the better or stronger the bond between you and hubby, sef.

These men will flee for a firmer body, forgetting it is because of their children your body has sagged in different places. Hubby hadn't even touched my classmate in 2 years at the time I was hearing her story. Me, I will just quench because touching, holding and cuddling is one of my love languages.

We need to do better for ourselves and by ourselves as women, when it comes to a lot of things.

The bolded is just painful and annoying.

My former colleague at work was the 10th child out of 11 children. The 11th child was finally the boy the mother was looking for even after her husbandhad told her to stop. Some women put themselves through it.

It's important not to marry a slave driver; a man that sees getting a help as lazy. They expect you to lose yourself doing everything yourself and even keeping a job. In the end, the woman feels the loss and the effect on her body.

And inlaw of mine was really ill during the lockdown. She had a help at a point but later she didn't anymore. The effect of all.of the stress told on her, and was part of the illness.

When she got well, she told us to try and get help if we can, and not always try to be a superwoman or worry about what people say.

It's best not to have too many kids. That alone can drive someone crazy.

frozen70:

What's your problem naw, where you there to witness all she said that you are bashing her

It's cheaper and more of value to be a career woman than a house wife

Most house wife, works more than career women yet they are not appreciated

A woman sacrificing the upbringing and well being of her children for career is nothing but a Faustian bargain with the devil whereby you end up paying a price far more in excess of the value of what you bought.

holocron:


A woman sacrificing the upbringing and well being of her children for career is nothing but a Faustian bargain with the devil whereby you end up paying a price far more in excess of the value of what you bought.

What's the difference between you and the devil

holocron:
A woman sacrificing the upbringing and well being of her children for career is nothing but a Faustian bargain with the devil whereby you end up paying a price far more in excess of the value of what you bought.

Really? Because that Faustian bargain is what many of our mothers before us who started out housewives ended up making when they were eventually abandoned by their lord and husbands. We are many grateful they made that deal for our sakes..

Klass99:

But, what I thought was - if men feel this way then why are women putting themselves through the stressful wear and tear of multiple child births? It's not like the more kids you have, the better or stronger the bond between you and hubby, sef.

@ bolded,
Many African women tend to believe that children are the way to a man's heart.

Have you ever seen how co-wives compete by getting baby after baby with the hope that the man will love them more?

Klass99:
This story reminds me of what Megareal (a nairaland user) said about marriage, on a different thread the 14th day of April 2021. I will never forget what she said because I thought it was profound, the full text is below.

See more of what she said below........

Revealing...but!

...Can we also get the view of single women in their 50s who had the opportunity to get married to a good man but declined due to ego, career, or other reasons?

There is something about humans that always makes us feel that we could have been a better person if...

You see, the "if" factor is not peculiar to women per se. Relocate me from Nigeria to the U.K in 2021. By 2050, I may begin to ask what "if I had gone to Canada?"

Human wants will forever be insatiable. Married women should not begin to share tales about how they would have lived a better life if it hadn't been for marriage when there are no proofs anywhere that single women in their 60s (with no marriage experience) lived a better/ fulfilled life devoid of regrets.

This is beyond me to comment but I have picked the message passed.

.

.

frozen70:

What's your problem naw, where you there to witness all she said that you are bashing her

It's cheaper and more of value to be a career woman than a house wife

Most house wife, works more than career women yet they are not appreciated

A career woman is always under constant pressure, not a house wife, worse she can decide not to allow the kids go to school for a whole day n it doesn’t affect them. A career lady can’t plus the constant fear of her being laid off work is there.

Klass99:


Hmmm......I think it is only in movies I have seen it.
The one person I know from a polygamous home, never likes to talk about his experience.
He gets visibly and mentally stressed, when the topic comes up.
He once confided that it triggers lots of bad memories for him.

I can imagine. Very few polygamous families function normally. It's always one horror story after another. My mother's first cousin is a first wife in a polygamous marriage. This woman has lived for decades in the same house with her crazy, narcissistic husband and her co-wife. The same house o! The man deliberately wanted her to stick around so that he could rub his second marriage in her face. She had 2 kids when this co-wife joined them.

He ganged up with his second wife to make her miserable, but what did she do? She went on to have 4 other kids with this same man! Total of 6 kids with a man who despised her! How the man's manhood would rise to the occasion with all the hostility he had towards her is the one thing I couldn't understand. Maybe he'd go to her bedroom when the other wife was on her periods. That was my conclusion. She must have thought that getting more children would bring some form of healing to the marriage. For where?

Ironically, the co-wife just got 2 kids and she's the loved one. This my mother's cousin would come to our home and lament to my mum about her ordeal in that marriage. From constant verbal abuse, to being thrown out while it's raining, to hearing sex sounds from her co-wife's room, to being locked up in her room so she won't eat (as "punishment" ), this woman went through what you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

That's the picture I have of a polygamous home. I grew up watching that family and I knew, even as a little girl, that something wasn't quite right with that set-up.

This is a narcissist man’s wet dream. (Gags)

When they come to tell you it’s okay because some culture or religion allows it and then you see some women agreeing with them, I go the bathroom and throw up a little. Disgusting doesn’t begin to describe it.

Pathetic and desperate describes such women. And that’s putting it nicely

Farfalla:


I can imagine. Very few polygamous families function normally. It's always one horror story after another. My mother's first cousin is a first wife in a polygamous marriage. This woman has lived for decades in the same house with her crazy, narcissistic husband and her co-wife. The same house o! The man deliberately wanted her to stick around so that he could rub his second marriage in her face. She had 2 kids when this co-wife joined them.

He ganged up with his second wife to make her miserable, and what did she do? She got 4 other kids with this same man! Total of 6 kids with a man who despised her! How the man's manhood would rise to the occasion with all the hostility he had towards her is the one thing I couldn't understand. Maybe he'd go to her bedroom when the other wife was in her periods. That was my conclusion. She must have thought that getting more children will bring some form of healing to the marriage. For where?

Ironically, the co-wife just got 2 kids and she's the loved one. This my mother's cousin would come to our home and lament to my mum about her ordeal in that marriage. From constant verbal abuse, to being thrown out while it's raining, to hearing sex sounds from her co-wife's room, to being locked up in her room so she won't eat (as "punishment" ), this woman went through what you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

That's the picture I have of a polygamous home. I grew up watching that family and I knew, even as a little girl, that something wasn't quite right with that set-up.

Klass99:


Why do we (women) even allow ourselves get into certain situations? What are you doing with 5 children, knowing you have very little to no support domestically? The wear and tear on your body nko, from carrying 5 pregnancies over time? Don't some women care about their physical health? About looking good and feeling good just for themselves?

My top performing classmate who graduated with a 2:1 in Accounting ended up in a similar situation. Five children later and she is divorced today, she never put that 2:1 degree to good use either, her story broke my heart.

There was a front page story where a male user said - the truth most of us don't know and men won't voice out is that, wives become unattractive to their husbands after child birth, because of the changes in their bodies. Hence the reason they look for younger women, with firmer bodies and tighter pussies, to sleep with.

The guy's post had 367 likes at the time I saw the thread/his post, I can bet you it wasn't women liking his post but his fellow men. Which means they all agreed with his view, I wasn't even put off or offended by his comment because it was a realistic, matter of fact submission. But, what I thought was - if men feel this way then why are women putting themselves through the stressful wear and tear of multiple child births? It's not like the more kids you have, the better or stronger the bond between you and hubby, sef.

These men will flee for a firmer body, forgetting it is because of their children your body has sagged in different places. Hubby hadn't even touched my classmate in 2 years at the time I was hearing her story. Me, I will just quench because touching, holding and cuddling is one of my love languages.

We need to do better for ourselves and by ourselves as women, when it comes to a lot of things.

@Klass99
I'm gonna differ with you here 'cause you're speaking in absolute terms.

Men also experience body changes
as we grow older, just like women
because of hormonal changes and
pressures of daily living. But these are minor situations if you're a fitness and health buff regardless of the gender.

Second, there's nothing wrong
with a woman having up to 4 to 5 children as long as ladies are in
tune with the current trends in
post-pregnancy weight loss and
body firming. There are many
women who have experienced
multiple births (i.e., due to giving
birth to triplets or quintuplets)
and they still look red-hot!

Don't make it look like men cannot stand by their women who have up to 5 children just because you saw 300+ likes on an NL post. Some of those likes definitely came from mainly younger folks who have NOT yet developed their power of imagination and critical thinking which lead to creative solutions in the real world.

Ciao.


P.S. Klass99, give me the link
to the NL post of the dude who
you say had 367 likes. I'd like to
further evaluate what the dude posted.

.

.

Bitecoin:



A career woman is always under constant pressure, not a house wife, worse she can decide not to allow the kids go to school for a whole day n it doesn’t affect them. A career lady can’t plus the constant fear of her being laid off work is there.

You sound like a bachelor, wait till you get married