₦airaland Forum

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

Be very worried....."onomato" control like this.....

The op is definitely not Yoruba man.

You can't stop her family from celebrating their daughter's marriage because you can't afford to. They can't make you feel inferior because that was their choice, you didnt ask and beg for a big celebration. It was their choice to make.

Tonero5200:
The money her dad spent was really much .
I can't even make a correct calculations.

That's what's getting me worried, so that it won't lead to another thing.

This is why rich people marry rich. U are already feeling insecure. Very soon, you will start abusing her

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

I got married at the age of 28 to a pretty, modest and intelligent girl from middle class family (same class with me) while she was UG 1.
Though I don't need their assistance but immediately after the wedding her parents gave me 12 bags of rice, semo, spaghetti Palm oil, semo etc and the sum of 250k.
Her mother even dangle us her 2 bedroom house before instead of paying annual rent which i vehemently resisted for the fact that it may deter me from having the required zeal to build my own house.

Several years has passed but i have never for once had any negative issue with her family though my religion permit polygamy but i don't think i will forever marry again considering the peaceful and lovely atmosphere i have been enjoying over the years with my wife and 3 kids.

Note: we are comfortably living in my four bedrooms bungalow and owned 2 cars, and she graduated with 2.1


Conclusion: some family like to assist their inlaw in whatever form they can without bragging about it.
So enjoy and keep hustling.
happy marriage life.

as you don tell the man before say you no get money to do elaborate wedding
no fear big nigga,mafo
nothing go happen
na this kain in law I dey pray for
their daughter no go get that entitlement mentality like most of Nigerian girls
and happy married life bruv
I wish you a peaceful home
a fruitful marriage
you no go born a red-piller and toxic feminist in jesus name

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

Honestly you should be thankful to God for giving you a supportive parent in laws

If you are the type that is down to earth and humble, you will get more from them

But if you allowed your ego to decide for you, you will be walking on unbalanced platform

The way to it is, just respect yourself and share love with your wife

Always give her audience and plan with her

Take care of her the way you can and you will enjoy your marriage

As far as that marriage is concerned, your inlaw must make sure that you don't drop the standard he placed you people before your wedding guest

You already know that your wife family is rich so you don't need to compete with her or her family

Lastly, protect your wife before your family and always see your parents inlaw as your family

The best and what you will gain from the marriage is still ahead

Just be good

You should know the reasons the man is doin that which I know is most likely the joy of ones daughter getting married

And from your post you said the man is well known

So shey na coke you go give guests coming from abroad

Like others have said cling to your wife and enjoy your marriage

Relate well with your father-in-law and use his connections well

Finally enjoy your life

Come and let do our own so you can have enough cow tail for yourself.

Mercychen:
Well.. you can regard it as a favor. Though why you're worried is what I don't get.

Are you worried because you're not financially ready to go into marriage and it looks like you're being forced into it with all these kind gestures by her parents?

Or

Is it a fear of the unknown that after spending the little you have on your part, you won't have enough to start life as a married man?

If your worries are none of the above, then relax and enjoy the awoof.

"He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor from the Lord".

See this as a favor from God and bless His name for it.

Package my own cow tail and send o.

I believe you don't really love this girl, maybe there's something at the back of your mind for marrying her. I pray I never meet your type of man to marry in Jesus name.

We picked a wedding date and you donated what you can afford, brought your people from your village with a coaster bus to ask for my hand in marriage. While in my place I have a lot of family friends extended family friends that a train of 300 seats cannot even contain. The cake and rice you brought can't contain them and my own dad decides to celebrate me big with my wedding. He got a lot more of foods, drinks, souvenirs to share and you have a bitter heart at him for celebrating me .

Should friends and family at my wedding be served stones if what your funds can afford for the party is not enough. Or shouldn't I be celebrated perfectly as a true child of the family? You better appreciate your father in law for making the wedding much more beautiful as we will look back at how the wedding went and it will be a good talk on our lips for years to come.

U dey lucky, what of me wey dey try do superman. My woman is from imo State, I no sure say her papa go send me like that. I don try date SW babes but they have very rude mouth and Dem no frosh like Igbo babes. Anyhow sha God go dey heavily involved for my own.

/
Who knows?

Perhaps the parents are celebrating that they unbundled their liabilities on an unsuspecting man. It sure calls for celebration.

/

Tonero5200:
The money her dad spent was really much .
I can't even make a correct calculations.

That's what's getting me worried, so that it won't lead to another thing.

I don't even understand I think Yoruba culture, the woman family are the major factor in the wedding party not male.
Because my mummy's uncle sponsored the cow and her family did many things also

Mexyz:
Tribalism is not part of me, I detest it.
But am going to say the truth here, my brother, if you married from the West, then forget it, you're in good Hands.
But if na from my side(South South) and the other side(South East) Hmmmm, you don just use your hand sign your freedom, peace of mind away be that o.
Not every family though, there are exceptions.

This has tribal slur written over it, you people need to grow up

yunqdady:
This is why rich people marry rich. U are already feeling insecure. Very soon, you will start abusing her

Try dey brain-filter your word sometimes

234GT:
They cant rub it in his face. They simply did their responsibility. That's Yoruba for you. Only poor families tax the groom.

How can you be so sure?

Tonero5200:
Yes I married from the west.
Thanks

Swear nothing like my daughter wedding was talk ofnthe town than..I hear say John daughter done see who put am for house

Tonero5200:
Am scared if they are going to use it against me later.


Like to curse me, or tell me word that will pain me in the future.

I know my girl, she can quarrel for africa but I do love her.

Nothing like that will happen, they celebrated their daughter and you Happened to be the lucky man who is marrying her.

A friend of mine had such experience, they brides father asked him to do the traditional rites and leave the rest to him. Omo food and drinks were too much at both the traditional wedding and white.

After the wedding, the FIL sent them 3m to buy a new car.

So pls go home and stop bothering yourself.
All you need to do is, take good care of their daughter and make sure that whatever issues una get will be settled among the two of you.
Don't let them know, and they'll always hold you in high regard.

Guy 8 bags of rice for one event? Bro you d lie !!

Even if na ofala e no reach like that . I sabi ppl well well. I did my own trad last year

I killed one big cow yet meat remain . I even did suya and barbecue that day sef

2 bags of rice can go a very long way but that 8 bags . Na lie

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

My concern in this thread is how people are raking so much like from their comments...

This is what the Op should be worried every other worries is not important

Aidejay:
OP, Tonero5200 let me speak to you from the other Point of view.

when my elder sister and first born wed, her husband was just like you. not buoyant. my dad bankrolled the whole affair to such an extent that he incurred debts. but it was elaborate we had family members from the village and everything my papa paid for.
just like your case it was obvious and everyone knows.

however the type of thing that will make us use this to insult or curse my sister's husband has never happened. and they've had plenty issues oooh!
but that type of insult does not exist. even if I want to insult him now or say something to hurt his feelings I can't open my mouth and say that type of rubbish. it's impossible. any body that says that is a bigger fool.

for you to receive any type of insult from the bride's family u have to commit public irreversible fcck up. even then they will never take her side completely even though she is their daughter. they must hear from you first. one time my sister and her husband had quarrel and she came and narrated story for us. all of us gingered and were boiling.

but the moment her husband came and gave us the other side come and see as we mellow. since then when she says A we wait for her husband to come if he says A too we agree

op except if the family is not god-fearing, I promise you you have hit the gold mine of wife's family

don't expect this to end here ooh! they will continue to support in any way. be it prayers, advise, opportunities, when she is about to give birth, baby sitting, naming ceremony, holidays and more.

I can't wait for December to go to my sister's house to spend Christmas with my nephews and her husband by Gods grace.

just cool your mind. accept it, but prepare yourself because you will do it for your own daughter too.

thanks, this really helped

If you feel worried, then follow your instincts and pray.

I feel there are things you didn’t write that may be fueling your concerns. The only way to win is to pray. I feel also that you may instinctively feel that there may be danger ahead.

One important rule to live by: “don’t get into the habit of ignoring your instincts”.

“..is any afflicted? Let him pray”

Prayer will help you sort out any bend that may be on your road in the future.

remsonik:
I believe you don't really love this girl, maybe there's something at the back of your mind for marrying her. I pray I never meet your type of man to marry in Jesus name.

We picked a wedding date and you donated what you can afford, brought your people from your village with a coaster bus to ask for my hand in marriage. While in my place I have a lot of family friends extended family friends that a train of 300 seats cannot even contain. The cake and rice you brought can't contain them and my own dad decides to celebrate me big with my wedding. He got a lot more of foods, drinks, souvenirs to share and you have a bitter heart at him for celebrating me .

Should friends and family at my wedding be served stones if what your funds can afford for the party is not enough. Or shouldn't I be celebrated perfectly as a true child of the family? You better appreciate your father in law for making the wedding much more beautiful as we will look back at how the wedding went and it will be a good talk on our lips for years to come.

I, I, I, I, my, my, my, my.

What happened to OUR which appears only once in your write up?

It’s even “at MY wedding”

You just wrote a me vs you note here. That’s not marriage, it’s competition.

However, people should marry people they are comfortable with, wealth or no wealth.

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

"Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O"....I laughed so hard at this!

You don't need to worry especially if your wife is Yoruba, they did all they did for themselves, to cater to their own guests which they know you may not have the financial strength to bear. Weddings especially in Yorubaland isn't always about the groom and the bride but the parents as well.

Kayberg:
Nothing is haunting you bro.
If your wife is a Yoruba, bros thank your star and go relax.
If to talk of OWAM'BE, Yorubas own it.
Don't you know that the word, "Mo ma se'gbeyawo alarinrin fun omo mi" is like an oath from a Yoruba parent. Especially if that child is someone they're proud of or loved very much, my brother, if you're not careful self, they'll buy your wedding tuxedo.
That's Yorubas for you.
And that doesn't ever mean they'll require it of you in the future. Because just as your parents are letting you go, so they are also letting theirs go.

And yet people would say Yorubas are the most wicked and tribalistic lots in Nigeria.

Such a shame. Yorubas have suffered in this shithole walahi.

mediclife1987:
And yet people would say Yorubas are the most wicked and tribalistic lots in Nigeria.

Such a shame. Yorubas have suffered in this shithole walahi.

The only thing I do not like in the Yoruba people is that, they're never united. They prefer to show love, loyalty, affection and grace to outsiders and strangers above their own people.

You can't marry a lady from rich background and expect your in-laws to play by your books, mind you, you would have done more but you said you're not that heavy with money. Just be happy your in-laws are the supportive type


Na this kin in-laws dey make sense

Tonero5200:
Am scared if they are going to use it against me later.


Like to curse me, or tell me word that will pain me in the future.

I know my girl, she can quarrel for africa but I do love her.

You better be grateful for having good in-laws... Exactly what happened wen i did my own wedding too... They paid for hall... All the places my family lodged in prior d wedding was taken care of by them, my hotel, my attire was paid by d mother... The car I'm driving now was given to me by my in-laws.... Just do ur best and love ur wife bro... Enjoy the good life

Kayberg:
The only thing I do not like in the Yoruba people is that, they're never united. They prefer to show love, loyalty, affection and grace to outsiders and strangers above their own people.

They show love to people who deserve it. Be you Yoruba, Igbo or Hausa.

We don't do the type of brotherly love other tribes do by taking sides with their tribe.

If that's what you were trying to say, that's another super quality trait in disguise

mediclife1987:
They show love to people who deserve it. Be you Yoruba, Igbo or Hausa.

We don't do the type of brotherly love other tribes do by taking sides with their tribe.

If that's what you were trying to say, that's another super quality trait in disguise

Yea… something like that…
But to me, that's not commendable.

Kayberg:
Yea… something like that…
But to me, that's not commendable.

Then you don't have that Omoluwabi spirit.

It's our culture, and we're forever proud of it. It is what makes us the most talked about tribe we are today...either for good/bad...

mediclife1987:
Then you don't have that Omoluwabi spirit.

It's our culture, and we're forever proud of it. It is what makes us the most talked about tribe we are today...either for good/bad...

Omoluabi spirit huh?
Igboho is in Benin prison languishing.
Itunu Babalola just died in Cote'Dvoire prison.
Several Yorubas are displaced in Ogun State and their properties taken over.
Insecurity and threat to life increasing in the region and you're telling me about Omoluabi spirit?

Don't provoke me.

Why wasn't Abba Kyari extradited?
Why hasn't Gumi been arrested?

Wasn't Abike Dabiri a Yoruba woman?
Do you think if Itunu Babalola had been from a Northern region, she would have died in that prison?