descarado:
He is right to be worried.
I will be too.

I have seen rich parents help their sons inlaw.

The join heads together in the planning. They were all carried along. My guy was tossed by the side. It's humiliating and a slap on his pride.

We are so poor and money conscious we allow common sense flee cos we saw rich man and money. Everything he does no matter the strategy used is good.

He has a right of say in his own wedding.

The man wasn't being supportive.
Just carrying the traditional lavish wedding his kinds do so as to save face.

If he is really supportive, he should pay the same amount into his son in-laws account to help set him up to his standard.

Well, to each mallam his own kettle.

Tonero5200:

We don't pray for that.

But this majorly my fears.

On the reception, I was a little bit unbalanced.


Because the picture was clear, that her father did almost everything. (Extra drinks, surplus food and the likes)
Everyone could tell, even my own people that came for me.

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

northbird:


My friend, go and sit down somewhere.

The Yorubas r very accommodating. That is the standard if the bride is Yorubas.

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

skentelelady:


Stop.worrying for nothing. It is normal in yoruba land. Bride family foots the reception which includes food drinks hall etc. The only thing they need from you side is the bride list. Once you bring those items, that's all.

If that lady is their 1st daughter they will go extra mile to give her away with joy and happiness

It is as if in your tribe the groom side foots all.expenses so you are already feeling insecure that in the future they would use it against you. No they wont.

The bride parents have performed that last role on that girl which is her wedding. They dont have any expenses to do for her again that's why the lavish wedding

If I were you i would go to that daddy and prostrate to show gratitude. Not that you are expecting more in the future but to show how grateful you are

Live happy with your wife and dont put your mind there. The moment you begin to show insecurity you wont know when you start reacting to every issue from the girl side or her family

Just move on

Depressed101:
i dont know how this will turn out, but I hate people dictating how I plan my stuffs especially family matters. I do my stuffs on my own terms wether money dey or not, na man I be, if my in-laws wish to contribute to my wedding as I have told them I want it low and not flamboyant, they can fit their plans in ours by doing the respectable which is seating down discus how they can be of help, I will most likely accept cash gifts so that I and my wife to be will plan our day the way we are supposed to build our lives together, you don't use my day to shine just because you want to help me. Anyway na yoruba way of life, I just hope this does not give them the impetus to be shooking mouth in your family matters when they are not supposed to.

I man deserves his dignity, no man should take it away from him because of help,. I can tell that feeling you are having right now is not a good one, they have reduced an inch of your confidence..

Anyway the did is done, just watch for any unnecessary insult, and don't fail to let anyone who tries that in the name of what they have done for you know that you do not tolerate nonsense

friday2011:
My dear...be worried ooo...in this part of the world, nothing goes for nothing.

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

Urbanchampion:
Normal thing, especially if na middleclass Yoruba family you married from. we no dey ever allow make God shame us, if your wedding wasn't "talk of the town", it was your In-laws they would insult, not your parents...my elder sister's friend did same for her daughter.

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

bobowaja:

That marriage will soon crash. The op is a wrong groom.

No matter what you give, in yorubaland, the bride family host the wedding and whatever they spend will be assumed to be partly collected from the groom. Whatever added to it is also the responsibility of the bride family for their daughter. This is why I don't like intertribal marriages. There will always be cultural shocks. And op and his families are not taking it lightly for the help rendered. His families will start to frustrate that innocent girl.

Joe4real1988:
It seems Yoruba women are cool for marriage o, shouldn't i look that way!

Urbanchampion:


Not all Yoruba ooo

NoToPile:



That's my fear oo, maybe he comes from a place where the groom bears all the costs, but he should have had an idea about how it's bride's family that is the host in Yoruba land and despite the fact that people on this thread have told him severally that it's nothing to worry about, he still seems worried. I hope now it has gotten on FP and several people have attested to it his mind might be at rest. Intertribal marriages does have its disadvantages sha

Tonero5200:

Yes I married from the west.
Thanks

Iyaebe:
Well, some people don't see any big deal in it but I as a person will stubbornly refuse such thing, I'll wait till you are ready and if my parents has to assist you then it shouldn't be beyond ordinary normal assistance expected from the bride's family. I will never allow my man to behave in a way that will make anyone ever look down on him,never.If he's still not boyant and we both want the marriage in a hurry then we will do a very low key wedding and he takes full charge and won't have to go above his capability.

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?