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| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by nams77: 9:31am On Nov 15, 2021 |
Tonero5200:
The money her dad spent was really much .
I can't even make a correct calculations.
That's what's getting me worried, so that it won't lead to another thing. My brother as a honest G, just allow them do their thing But for me, I remain boss in my home and your can't tell me what to do in my home weather u spend billions or not. EOD |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by Nobody: 10:11am On Nov 15, 2021 |
descarado:
The problem isn't about culture or were it's done.
That's how it's done everywhere.
The problem is why he was cast aside in his own wedding?
Even if you want to sponsor my wedding with 10m, shouldn't I join in the planning?
Well, goodluck to you guys if it's how prospective inlaws are looked down on.
To be honest, these things are not planned. At my brother's wedding two years ago, the party went beyond midnight, and even at 11 pm when I was leaving, they were still serving hot amala and champagne. True, both parents spent a lot of money, but guess what? Every single one of my Aunts, Cousins, Uncles, Family Friends, etc spent so it seemed that the parents spent ridiculous money. Every Aunt brought their own caterer and drinks - would you plan what they should do? Even my in-laws came with their own caterer and a full van of drinks. Uncles and Family friends were dropping cash - 200k, 150k, 500k for the party. How do you plan this? A cousin brought a palm-wine vendor paid for from her pocket - would you plan this as well? Someone else paid for the band. At my own wedding, I only bought my suit, and my wife's dress; every other thing right down to the hotel I slept in was provided by either the parents, or one uncle, or aunty somewhere. I personally have a standing budget of N150k minimum for every close relative getting married, and N500k for when my grandma departs. The family cannot be put to shame. That's really how yoruba families roll, hence why you have the concept of aso-ebi. It's more than just picking the same cloth to wear, its about the community coming together to celebrate. 6 Likes |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by IRALIFE(f): 10:27am On Nov 15, 2021 |
Tonero5200:
Hi.
Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.
Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.
But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)
(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)
With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)
The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)
But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.
* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils
* We paid for the cakes
* We paid for drinks
* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)
But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.
On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.
Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.
please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.
As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future? Congratulations on your wedding. Your home is blessed. I think you should relax. If there are no negative vibes from her family or forms of control on how to take care of their daughter ( your wife), no need to be worried. Just be grateful. |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by orumba(m): 11:13am On Nov 15, 2021 |
Fuuuuuuuraaaaaaaan in yoruba language. Hope you will be able to say "No" tomorrow |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by yunqdady: 11:16am On Nov 15, 2021 |
khreus:
Try dey brain-filter your word sometimes You aren't fit to quote my comment. Upgrade yourself 1 Like |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by remsonik(f): 11:56am On Nov 15, 2021 |
Qurungu:
I, I, I, I, my, my, my, my.
What happened to OUR which appears only once in your write up?
It’s even “at MY wedding”
You just wrote a me vs you note here. That’s not marriage, it’s competition.
However, people should marry people they are comfortable with, wealth or no wealth. Yes people should marry who they are comfortable with but if he isn't comfortable with her why marry her. The father didn't use the wedding to do a showoff of wealth. He already said that the father in law is wealthy and he used the wedding to celebrate the couple. I am a yoruba lady and the truth is that even for a poor farmer who's daughter is getting married, he will celebrate her heavily with his sweat in their home. 1 Like |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by truthfulnigeria: 12:08pm On Nov 15, 2021 |
From experience; definitely this will hunt you in the future. No two ways about it. The father did all these with a clean heart to entertain his well wishers and all... but people are watching; Your wife's siblings, the mother her family members all know the occasion was sponsored by the girls family. Whether you did the marriage rites yourself or not, nobody cares. As it stands now, the respect you have in your home as a husband must drastically reduce whether you like it or not. Embrace reality! not all these comments here telling you there is no problem. Remember many years are coming, in few years to come what keeps you going as the real man of the house is actually the respect you have earned and there is none here. You should have insisted on your low budget quality wedding. Now what's the solution? Tonero5200:
Hi.
Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.
Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.
But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)
(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)
With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)
The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)
But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.
* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils
* We paid for the cakes
* We paid for drinks
* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)
But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.
On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.
Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.
please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.
As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future? |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by Slimsaj: 3:27pm On Nov 15, 2021 |
E be like say you don suffer well well, that any gesture is suspicious... omo that wedding has been the parents dream right from time, he invited his goons so he cant fall his hand.
You will only have a problem if you start going to them for money and support, because somebody giving you money must have suggestions on how to spend it. Which makes them have a say in your marriage.
Doesn't mean you shouldn't collect money or support from them oo. Just flex whatever is given to you without conditions and obligations i.e only random grants.
Enjoy your life over cacu na run down
Abi what do you want to do about it?? 2 Likes |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by Slimsaj: 3:33pm On Nov 15, 2021 |
truthfulnigeria:
From experience; definitely this will hunt you in the future. No two ways about it.
The father did all these with a clean heart to entertain his well wishers and all... but people are watching; Your wife's siblings, the mother her family members all know the occasion was sponsored by the girls family. Whether you did the marriage rites yourself or not, nobody cares.
As it stands now, the respect you have in your home as a husband must drastically reduce whether you like it or not. Embrace reality! not all these comments here telling you there is no problem. Remember many years are coming, in few years to come what keeps you going as the real man of the house is actually the respect you have earned and there is none here. You should have insisted on your low budget quality wedding.
Now what's the solution?
[b][/b]forget about respect
Did you beg anybody for anything
Just take care of your family you have a long job at that ahead
Hustle tight ooo cos them go sti bill you
|
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by 234GT(m): 9:18pm On Nov 15, 2021 |
babyfaceafrica:
How can you be so sure? I am Yoruba, and that is our culture. I am very sure of it. It is the brides family's responsibility. They are not doing the groom a favour. 4 Likes |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by solidmyk(m): 6:54am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Iyaebe:
Well, some people don't see any big deal in it but I as a person will stubbornly refuse such thing, I'll wait till you are ready and if my parents has to assist you then it shouldn't be beyond ordinary normal assistance expected from the bride's family. I will never allow my man to behave in a way that will make anyone ever look down on him,never.If he's still not boyant and we both want the marriage in a hurry then we will do a very low key wedding and he takes full charge and won't have to go above his capability. My thoughts exactly why wasn't he informed about their plans in supporting his wedding, at least he wouldn't have been surprised when stuffs started rolling in. I think her family was being selfish here, even making it so obvious that they sponsored the event, if na me I no go gree. 1 Like |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by Hassanmaye(m): 7:21am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Tonero5200:
Hi.
Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.
Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.
But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)
(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)
With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)
The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)
But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.
* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils
* We paid for the cakes
* We paid for drinks
* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)
But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.
On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.
Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.
please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.
As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future? Oh God please give me this kind of in-laws that will do this to me without Bad motive, Man you are So lucky |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by fxexperts: 10:49am On Nov 16, 2021 |
truthfulnigeria:
From experience; definitely this will hunt you in the future. No two ways about it.
The father did all these with a clean heart to entertain his well wishers and all... but people are watching; Your wife's siblings, the mother her family members all know the occasion was sponsored by the girls family. Whether you did the marriage rites yourself or not, nobody cares.
As it stands now, the respect you have in your home as a husband must drastically reduce whether you like it or not. Embrace reality! not all these comments here telling you there is no problem. Remember many years are coming, in few years to come what keeps you going as the real man of the house is actually the respect you have earned and there is none here. You should have insisted on your low budget quality wedding.
Now what's the solution?
Una too dey create trouble with everything. hiaaa 2 Likes |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by Pootle: 3:45pm On Nov 16, 2021 |
people come here and cry that there was no support during their wedding and the wify and in law still get coconut head. god do ur own u dey cry for future wey u never see 2 Likes |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by rita25(f): 10:45am On Nov 17, 2021 |
YOU ARE JUST PLAIN UNGRATEFUL THATS ALL.MUMU PRIDE 1 Like |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by Hopeful123: 12:38pm On Nov 20, 2021 |
Tonero5200:
Hi.
Honestly speaking am really worried,
(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)
As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future? You have nothing to worry about. This is culture shock as others righfully said. It is normal for yoruba's. And no one will even mention it because it is just one of those normal things. The same reason why they didn't need to tell you in advance as it was deem normal. Just like you would not notify anyone in advance that you want to breath in air  Your only fault is that you have not learn the culture of your spouse. You need to learn and ask questions when necessary from people of that tribe otherwise you may have many other issues along the line with in-laws and your own people. I am also in an intercultural marriage and understand some of this cultural differences. Nothing to worry about if you ask questions in advance and use wisdom to handle situations. Example: when you give birth, in-laws may want you to do naming ceremony on the 7th day and maybe in your culture you don't do that and only do child dedication when baby is 3 months old. Other thing's like that. Once you understand that there are differences in culture and you are open to flow with those differences then you will have no problems. *Dont make the mistake of listening to people of another culture interpreting something from a different culture for you. If you want to understand a yoruba wedding ask a yoruba man or woman who understand how typical yoruba wedding goes. Preferable a married yoruba man or woman. If you want to understand yoruba naming ceremony, do the same. Don't let an Igbo or hausa man interprete something that is normal in yoruba land as something you may regret later for you. Or a single yoruba guy or lady interprete yoruba wedding for you. Ask about the expected roles of in-laws (your own people) and educate them accordinly. it may be strange to them but if they love you they will do their part. You think say na to just carry your wife and go abi  . Intercutural marriage is a school just like pretty much everything in life. Enjoy your married life bro. Your kids will get the best of both worlds. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by Magnoliaa(f): 4:55pm On Nov 20, 2021 |
WrongToDeflect:
Hypocritically sanctimonious and ethnocentric elements everywhere. So, it's now normal and not a taboo to spend a good amount of money performing a marriage rite/ceremony - regardless of whether it is the groom or the bride's family that made the expenses, provided that they have it. It's now a thing of pride and joy that demands commendation and celebration. Eleyi sha ma n soro offfff track ni sha. Ki ni itumo eleyi bayi n si.  1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Her Parents Sponsored Our Wedding, Should I Be Worried. by Magnoliaa(f): 6:32am On Dec 06, 2021 |
Tonero5200:
Hi.
Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.
Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.
But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)
(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)
With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)
The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)
But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.
* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils
* We paid for the cakes
* We paid for drinks
* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)
But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.
On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.
Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.
please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.
As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future? Na you wan troll-shame me? Chimo! Okay. |
