₦airaland Forum

IdreamOfUnicorn:
After four years of being with her you don't have intention to marry her and you expected her to stay put? You want to turn her to lord of the rings

U just concluded like one of them girls that must support a lady first in an argument before they even gat to think it through...who told u he doesn't want to marry her..?

Shame!

Moreign001:
Hello Guys, Good Morning and a Happy Sunday to you all.

I don't know how concise i can be, but I will try.

I just graduated last 3 months, with my girlfriend who's now my ex, and she's 26yrs of age while I'm 28yr.

We started dating from our 200level till yesterday, (that's approximately 4yrs and counting...).
We were ideal together, we were well known in school, to an extent where her friends and mine kept asking how? And wishing theirs was like ours..

She promised never to leave, and she please everyday that I should never hurt her. At times we jokingly talked about our future kids which is now a never happening fable.

So after we graduated, she travelled to stay with her aunt, we do check on each other everyday.

Last month.. She called, and said her friend needs an advice, that she and her date just graduated, and that another man is asking her out, and she's thinking of dumping her guy since he's not ready, and that the newly known man is ready to pay for her marriage rites.
Immediately I knew she was the one in the story, because I already had several dreams were she left me. I pretended, I told her to tell her friend to "Follow Her Heart".

Last night she called, and said there's something she wants to tell me, I responded, "Is it what I already know?", she asked what? I told her she's getting married soon, and she said yes! I was speechless. I asked her for how long has this been going on, she said it started when she came to stay with her Aunt. We spoke, and I congratulated her, she started crying, I ended the call, sent her a good luck text.

This morning, she called and said she couldn't sleep last night. I asked her why she did it, why she decided to get married, she said she doesn't know. I asked if she likes the guy, she said yes. She couldn't stop crying and was saying I shouldn't leave her, while she's the one leaving me. I was totally down, but I have crazy friends. I WhatsApp a friend, told him what just happened, his words boosted me up. He said, " Support her, we move, no be God leave you". That was enough, but it's hard, really hard to move on without her, and she said the same thing and kept pleading I shouldn't leave her.
Now I'm asking, if I was the one who had left, what would have been the story? That I used her and dumped her, because this has always been used against the guys.
Why are women in a rush to marry? They don't even add value to themselves, I'm now 80% in agreement that marriage is one of the greatest achievement for a woman, maybe in Nigeria.

What did you study in uni? Prepare for the coming weeks to months cos in such situation the guys seem to get over it first and then the lady but In the end the guy starts feeling it especially if he loved her while the girl then gets over it better in the long run. To your question I think women see it as an achievement cos they have a season to do what they have to do.

Moreign001:
It will hurt me the more. I just want her to happy.

In a few years time you will actually be glad all this happened . Cause early and unplanned marriages have sent many into poverty .

SundayNightGist:
This time veeeery s-l-o-w-l-y

Shakes head and walks away from hopeless course....

jimcaddy:
It could be parental pressure. Besides she is 26. Ripe age for marriage. But my problem is why didn't she discuss the issue with you to gauge your own opinion on when you would be ready to marry her. She shouldn't have made that decision hastily. You don't rush into marriage hastily oh.. It could also be because of money.. Dude is richer than her bf. You know how money changes people.

Exactly bro.

Moreign001:
Hello Guys, Good Morning and a Happy Sunday to you all.

I don't know how concise i can be, but I will try.

I just graduated last 3 months, with my girlfriend who's now my ex, and she's 26yrs of age while I'm 28yr.

We started dating from our 200level till yesterday, (that's approximately 4yrs and counting...).
We were ideal together, we were well known in school, to an extent where her friends and mine kept asking how? And wishing theirs was like ours..

She promised never to leave, and she please everyday that I should never hurt her. At times we jokingly talked about our future kids which is now a never happening fable.

So after we graduated, she travelled to stay with her aunt, we do check on each other everyday.

Last month.. She called, and said her friend needs an advice, that she and her date just graduated, and that another man is asking her out, and she's thinking of dumping her guy since he's not ready, and that the newly known man is ready to pay for her marriage rites.
Immediately I knew she was the one in the story, because I already had several dreams were she left me. I pretended, I told her to tell her friend to "Follow Her Heart".

Last night she called, and said there's something she wants to tell me, I responded, "Is it what I already know?", she asked what? I told her she's getting married soon, and she said yes! I was speechless. I asked her for how long has this been going on, she said it started when she came to stay with her Aunt. We spoke, and I congratulated her, she started crying, I ended the call, sent her a good luck text.

This morning, she called and said she couldn't sleep last night. I asked her why she did it, why she decided to get married, she said she doesn't know. I asked if she likes the guy, she said yes. She couldn't stop crying and was saying I shouldn't leave her, while she's the one leaving me. I was totally down, but I have crazy friends. I WhatsApp a friend, told him what just happened, his words boosted me up. He said, " Support her, we move, no be God leave you". That was enough, but it's hard, really hard to move on without her, and she said the same thing and kept pleading I shouldn't leave her.
Now I'm asking, if I was the one who had left, what would have been the story? That I used her and dumped her, because this has always been used against the guys.
Why are women in a rush to marry? They don't even add value to themselves, I'm now 80% in agreement that marriage is one of the greatest achievement for a woman, maybe in Nigeria.

Women have that thing called biological clock ticking fast.Did you know that big secret?

Were you ready to marry her ?

Women only do what's convenient for them. I encourage men to also only do what's convenient for them.

I've been there done that... Very traumatising experience....got me depressed for a long while.

... I discovered that she was already SECRETLY ENGAGED to the new guy before the last sex she PESTERED me into having with her...... chai! Fear women!

if not that I cut all ties with her, she would have pinned several pregnancies by me on her hubby.

Though it's been over 8 years now and she's got 2 kids, She's still desperately seeking me by all means necessary but I won't bulge.

I DON'T GO BACK TO MY VOMIT.

Barristter07:
Very. Though we still have to blame the society for the unnecessary pressure on women to get married. Plus the stigmatization of the unmarried ones.

Think about this for a moment.... If not for marriage, our society will be more chaotic than it is already, Almajery will be everywhere causing problems to society like the northern part of country!

because their biological clock is ticking

Moreign001:
Exactly bro, that's what she said this night, parental pressure and he must be from our state.
But I'm fine,relaxed and calm. I feel bad for my self because I lost a wonderful woman, but I'm sincerely happy for her. I won't cut her off communications, I will stand by her, support her whenever. One thing I understand about love is this. If you genuinely love someone, their happiness should be your first priority. Allow them to do what makes them happy, and still love them regardless. She the one who's leaving, she's the one who's crying, she's the one pleading that I shouldn't leave her.
She even pleaded that I shouldn't delete her pictures because I told her I'm about doing that so that the memories won't be there always. She was crying all through, she loves me so much and she's decided not to do anything with the guy until everything is done.

Yes, I had intention of marrying her, she knew. She is not a cheat, she's a very good girl and I respect her. The main reason why I brought up this post was because lots of girls are after marriage without having nothing to offer. I personally asked what's her plans after school, and she said she will open a shop (Food items) until after her master programs. I was ready and willing to support her.

I told her to hold on until we're done with our Nysc which should be next year by God's grace.

And those asking why I didn't marry or engage her... Even if I had billions in my account, I still wouldn't have married until I'm done with my Nysc. You don't rush it, we were students for 4years and that's our love duration, we needed at least some time outside school to see how ideal we were.

And to some persons saying she doesn't have time... I pleaded for just one more year, for our Nysc..
Don't encourage people to rush into marriage because of age, she just met this guy, they don't know and haven't tolerate themselves. This is one of the major reasons why marriage keep failing because it can lead to trust issues, violence and others. I understood her very well, she's a very jealous individual, and I can tell you that the new guy doesn't know this and probably doesn't want a woman who is loaded with jealousy. But it's fine, many read to criticize, not to understand and learn.
I thank you.

@OP: With all this nonsense you just wrote, I have no iota of pity for you anymore and I won't mince words.

What is wrong with you? Are you sure you are in your right senses? Someone dumped you for another man without considering your emotions, and simultaneously using histrionics and gaslighting you, yet you are still supporting her.

Are you mad? You dey ment ni? Aaahhh! now I see why red pillers for nairaland dey always para...jeez!

Your own don pass simp, you don craze finish. What kind of a low-esteemed human being are you? A girl did all these to you and this is what you write?? Wow!..who do you this kain thing? You be mumu ni? Mr. Mumuni.

Let me stop writing, I dey vex gan....

Pataricatering:
Were you ready to marry her ?

don’t you read it niii, he’s ready to marry her but only pleading to her to wait after NYSC next year then they can go ahead to marry but the lady has gone to engaged to other man.

Moreign001:
Hello Guys, Good Morning and a Happy Sunday to you all.

I don't know how concise i can be, but I will try.

I just graduated last 3 months, with my girlfriend who's now my ex, and she's 26yrs of age while I'm 28yr.

We started dating from our 200level till yesterday, (that's approximately 4yrs and counting...).
We were ideal together, we were well known in school, to an extent where her friends and mine kept asking how? And wishing theirs was like ours..

She promised never to leave, and she please everyday that I should never hurt her. At times we jokingly talked about our future kids which is now a never happening fable.

So after we graduated, she travelled to stay with her aunt, we do check on each other everyday.

Last month.. She called, and said her friend needs an advice, that she and her date just graduated, and that another man is asking her out, and she's thinking of dumping her guy since he's not ready, and that the newly known man is ready to pay for her marriage rites.
Immediately I knew she was the one in the story, because I already had several dreams were she left me. I pretended, I told her to tell her friend to "Follow Her Heart".

Last night she called, and said there's something she wants to tell me, I responded, "Is it what I already know?", she asked what? I told her she's getting married soon, and she said yes! I was speechless. I asked her for how long has this been going on, she said it started when she came to stay with her Aunt. We spoke, and I congratulated her, she started crying, I ended the call, sent her a good luck text.

This morning, she called and said she couldn't sleep last night. I asked her why she did it, why she decided to get married, she said she doesn't know. I asked if she likes the guy, she said yes. She couldn't stop crying and was saying I shouldn't leave her, while she's the one leaving me. I was totally down, but I have crazy friends. I WhatsApp a friend, told him what just happened, his words boosted me up. He said, " Support her, we move, no be God leave you". That was enough, but it's hard, really hard to move on without her, and she said the same thing and kept pleading I shouldn't leave her.
Now I'm asking, if I was the one who had left, what would have been the story? That I used her and dumped her, because this has always been used against the guys.
Why are women in a rush to marry? They don't even add value to themselves, I'm now 80% in agreement that marriage is one of the greatest achievement for a woman, maybe in Nigeria.

Women rush to get married because of their biological clock. That’s why you see ladies marry who is ready and not who they love cos sometimes, who they truly love is not ready to settle down

Moreign001:
Exactly bro, that's what she said this night, parental pressure and he must be from our state.
But I'm fine,relaxed and calm. I feel bad for my self because I lost a wonderful woman, but I'm sincerely happy for her. I won't cut her off communications, I will stand by her, support her whenever. One thing I understand about love is this. If you genuinely love someone, their happiness should be your first priority. Allow them to do what makes them happy, and still love them regardless. She the one who's leaving, she's the one who's crying, she's the one pleading that I shouldn't leave her.
She even pleaded that I shouldn't delete her pictures because I told her I'm about doing that so that the memories won't be there always. She was crying all through, she loves me so much and she's decided not to do anything with the guy until everything is done.

Yes, I had intention of marrying her, she knew. She is not a cheat, she's a very good girl and I respect her. The main reason why I brought up this post was because lots of girls are after marriage without having nothing to offer. I personally asked what's her plans after school, and she said she will open a shop (Food items) until after her master programs. I was ready and willing to support her.

I told her to hold on until we're done with our Nysc which should be next year by God's grace.

And those asking why I didn't marry or engage her... Even if I had billions in my account, I still wouldn't have married until I'm done with my Nysc. You don't rush it, we were students for 4years and that's our love duration, we needed at least some time outside school to see how ideal we were.

And to some persons saying she doesn't have time... I pleaded for just one more year, for our Nysc..
Don't encourage people to rush into marriage because of age, she just met this guy, they don't know and haven't tolerate themselves. This is one of the major reasons why marriage keep failing because it can lead to trust issues, violence and others. I understood her very well, she's a very jealous individual, and I can tell you that the new guy doesn't know this and probably doesn't want a woman who is loaded with jealousy. But it's fine, many read to criticize, not to understand and learn.
I thank you.

my best advice for you is to free the lady and move on. Delete her pictures in order not to fall into emotions about her again. What I just see here’s that some unreasonable women that tolled this path always regret their actions of jumping to marriage and separate in the end. This type of marriage doesn’t last . Bro just learn from the experience you have with the lady that broke your heart with her actions before engaging to other ladies outside there. Work on yourself more and move on.

Prettychild:
Women rush to get married because of their biological clock. That’s why you see ladies marry who is ready and not who they love cos sometimes, who they truly love is not ready to settle down

and at the end they regret their actions of doing that. No more patience again, divorce in this generation is so so enormous to the extent that it’s normal in our society.

After waiting for you to see how ideal y’all are , you’ll fix your mouth to call her old and inadequate. And act like you’re doing her a favor.

Na women wey mumu dey listen to guys like you.
I’d advice any lady to go with what benefits them and ignore guys like y’all.

Moreign001:
Exactly bro, that's what she said this night, parental pressure and he must be from our state.
But I'm fine,relaxed and calm. I feel bad for my self because I lost a wonderful woman, but I'm sincerely happy for her. I won't cut her off communications, I will stand by her, support her whenever. One thing I understand about love is this. If you genuinely love someone, their happiness should be your first priority. Allow them to do what makes them happy, and still love them regardless. She the one who's leaving, she's the one who's crying, she's the one pleading that I shouldn't leave her.
She even pleaded that I shouldn't delete her pictures because I told her I'm about doing that so that the memories won't be there always. She was crying all through, she loves me so much and she's decided not to do anything with the guy until everything is done.

Yes, I had intention of marrying her, she knew. She is not a cheat, she's a very good girl and I respect her. The main reason why I brought up this post was because lots of girls are after marriage without having nothing to offer. I personally asked what's her plans after school, and she said she will open a shop (Food items) until after her master programs. I was ready and willing to support her.

I told her to hold on until we're done with our Nysc which should be next year by God's grace.

And those asking why I didn't marry or engage her... Even if I had billions in my account, I still wouldn't have married until I'm done with my Nysc. You don't rush it, we were students for 4years and that's our love duration, we needed at least some time outside school to see how ideal we were.

And to some persons saying she doesn't have time... I pleaded for just one more year, for our Nysc..
Don't encourage people to rush into marriage because of age, she just met this guy, they don't know and haven't tolerate themselves. This is one of the major reasons why marriage keep failing because it can lead to trust issues, violence and others. I understood her very well, she's a very jealous individual, and I can tell you that the new guy doesn't know this and probably doesn't want a woman who is loaded with jealousy. But it's fine, many read to criticize, not to understand and learn.
I thank you.

Prettychild:
Women rush to get married because of their biological clock. That’s why you see ladies marry who is ready and not who they love cos sometimes, who they truly love is not ready to settle down

They rush to marry mainly because it’s men like OP who still mock them for not being married before 30.

While Biological clock may be an issue, a 30+ lady can have any amount of children she wants.
It’s men who shame them for not being married
And then turn around to wonder why they are in rush to marry.

Many guys have same story especially the good guys. ThIS WAS DONE TO ME TWICE.. SEE THE ADVICE MY NOW OLD ME WOULD HAVE GIVEN MY YOUNGER. ONLY IF MY YOUNGER ME WOULD HAVE LISTENED.. FEEL NO PAIN AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WASTE NO TIME THINKING ABOUT IT.. YOU WILL LOOK BACK AND SEE THAT YOU WERE LUCKY IN TIME TO COME.. MY BROTHER SUCH IS LIFE

I sincerely appreciate all of your comments, and words of encouragement, the criticism too helps a lot
.
Let me reassure you guys that I'm fine, relaxed and mild. I feel bad for myself a bit because I lost a wonderful woman, but I'm sincerely gleeful for her. I won't cut her off communications, I will stand by her, support whenever. One thing I understood about love is this. If you genuinely love someone, their happiness should be your first preeminence. Allow them to do what ever makes them happy, and still love them regardless.

Yes we spoke lengthy tonight, and I understood exactly how she feels, I understood deeply how our parents and guidance keeps pressuring their children, pupils and siblings against their wish, not just in marriage, but even in careers and others. And also how parents are forcing children into marriage in other to help in assisting the family burden. How is this right?

Life is love, so I have decided that I'm never going to cut her off, or act as if she never exist, she deserves better. But I will never get involved with her again. I'm mentally strong, and I built it on love. Right now i'm so concerned about her happiness, not her leaving me. I just want her to be happy and fine, that's all. We should never criticize people when they make decisions, maybe we would have made worst decisions in that same position.

Yes, I had intention of marrying her, she knew. She is not a cheat, she's a very good girl and I respect her. The main reason why I brought up this post was because lots of girls are after marriage, some are forced into it without having nothing to offer. I personally asked what's her plans after school, and she said she will open a shop (Food items) until after her Masters programs. I was ready and willing to support her.

I told her to hold on until we're done with our Nysc which should be next year by God's grace.

And those asking why I didn't marry or engage her... Even if I had billions in my account, I still wouldn't have married until I'm done with my Nysc. You don't rush it, we were students for 4years and that's our love duration, we needed at least some time outside school to see how ideal we were.

And to some persons saying she doesn't have time... I pleaded for just one more year, for our Nysc..
Don't encourage people to rush into marriage because of age, she just met this guy, they don't know and haven't tolerate themselves. This is one of the major reasons why marriage keep failing because it can lead to trust issues, violence and others. I understood her very well, she's a very jealous individual, and I can tell you that the new guy doesn't know this, now how about if he doesn't want a woman who is loaded with jealousy? But it's fine, many read to criticize, not to understand and learn.

My advice to every girl out there, try and add value to yourself, this won't just make your husband respect you, it will also stop your parents and guidance from going against your preferred wish.

it doesnt make sense,bro u caused it,u guys were done and u alowed her to move to her aunts,bro phone talk and real time convo na diff,u already taught her how to live apart,and wats her rush,there is ntin like age factor,she gave in to havin feelings 4 d guy,yes finance is a factor,but hw wel does she knw d man she wan marry?women d craze ah swear

cococandy:
After waiting for you to see how ideal y’all are , you’ll fix your mouth to call her old and inadequate. And act like you’re doing her a favor.

Na women wey mumu dey listen to guys like you.
I’d advice any lady to go with what benefits them and ignore guys like y’all.

it’s what benefits them that always kill the lady in the end. You should always think about the ending and not the beginning. The faster they rush to marriage the faster they divorce or separate in the end.

cococandy:
They rush to marry mainly because it’s men like OP who still mock them for not being married before 30.

While Biological clock may be an issue, a 30+ lady can have any amount of children she wants.
It’s men who shame them for not being married
And then turn around to wonder why they are in rush to marry.

not true, some are still patient to choose the ones that they are destined for, in the end they always enjoyed their marriage. I’ve 30+ plus sisterly friend that’s focusing on his life and destiny. She’s hotcake now.

oga nobody presured her stop talkin nonsense,dat girl neva planed building her life,una just graduate,she done find man already,wats the rush,her cries is it changing the fact,she is hurtin u,bro that girl knows her mind,all her calls na scam...and u talk like a boy,she asured u she wont do anytin til everytin is done and u trust her...how has that got to do wit that she is marrying a man she barely knws after being wit u 4 4 years,if na me i go change am 4 am,u be simp,stupid supporter

It's not foolishness. Chances of women having healthier offsprings decreases so much after 20's. So I would always advise ladies to settle down before their 30's if they have someone they truly love.

luvmijeje:
See talk! If you are not married you are called names! We are shamed by families and by friends into marriage. We are been told if you don't settled down at 20's forget it at 30's. Society called women in their 30's different names. I understand why she couldn't wait

It takes a very very strong woman not to bend to pressure.

The single lives they are all afraid of is what they later end up with in their 30's and 40's but this time with kids. Is that not foolishness.

Ndo nu ooooh.

lugrae22:
oga nobody presured her stop talkin nonsense,dat girl neva planed building her life,una just graduate,she done find man already,wats the rush,her cries is it changing the fact,she is hurtin u,bro that girl knows her mind,all her calls na scam...and u talk like a boy,she asured u she wont do anytin til everytin is done and u trust her...how has that got to do wit that she is marrying a man she barely knws after being wit u 4 4 years,if na me i go change am 4 am,u be simp,stupid supporter

If you said so... It's her decision. I'm already moving, but we're friends and not enemies.

cococandy:
They rush to marry mainly because it’s men like OP who still mock them for not being married before 30.

While Biological clock may be an issue, a 30+ lady can have any amount of children she wants.
It’s men who shame them for not being married
And then turn around to wonder why they are in rush to marry.

a woman over 30 can have any number of children she wants but there are some caveats. biologically, it has been proven that a woman is most fit for conception and birth of the healthiest babies between 18-30..... this is also the same reason why guys disturb girls 18-30 the most.... nature has designed it all out. the reason why guys disturb girls 18-28 the most is so they can pick the best man to mate with.... the rate at which men show interest in a girl is directly proportional to her youthful look - the more youthful she looks, the more disturbance she gets because youth is subconsciously tied to mating....


yes a woman over 30 can have any number of children she wants but with increased risks in labor (God forbid)... men have biological clock too they just too proud to confess... i believe a guys biological clock is 40.... and 35 is the best age for a guy to have children... a guy can marry at 35 and have flings with hot girls the rest of his life but by 35 the girl is no longer pulling guys like she used to and even for her to have flings is difficult.

Any woman that accuses me of "cheating" after getting married is wasting her time - its becos her own bargaining power is gone; if not she would do the same....she cheated herself by not getting married on time.

klawaaa:
It's not foolishness. Chances of women having healthier offsprings decreases so much after 20's. So I would always advise ladies to settle down before their 30's if they have someone they truly love.

not true. Some have healthier kids why in their late 30’s and also are happily married too.